even my boss is a fuck boy. 

A few months ago I’d made plans to visit my friend, Lauren, in LA for the weekend. She’s getting married and I missed some of the big events (picking out her dress, bridal shower) etc so I thought I should make it up to her. But by the time it rolled around, I was dreading going. I really just wanted to stay in Chicago to hang out with Nick and the cat.

I skipped work on Friday in order to fly to LA. Lauren was stuck in traffic (of course) so I had to kill some time while waiting for her to pick me up. Thank goodness for airport bars. I went and got sushi and a couple margaritas and made some new LA friends. I didn’t even have to pay for anything.

By the time Lauren came to get me, I’d had one drink too many and I had trouble finding the exit. It was ridiculous, even for me.

Lauren apologized when I got in the car and told me our plan for the day:

1. Go to the mall because she needed new shoes to go with her dress for the night.

2. Get vegan/gluten free burgers from her favorite place (“You can’t even tell it’s vegan!”)

3. Take a nap.

4. Get ready.

5. Go to a sushi place to pregame.

6. Go to the club where Lauren’s fiancé’s friend was DJing.

Spoiler alert: you could totally tell it was vegan. I requested to go to McDonald’s after we ate and Lauren lectured me the whole way there.

“This is just such bad energy, Reese. Such bad energy.”

Lauren is super spiritual now and into crystals, meditation, yoga, cards and weed. It’s an LA thing I guess. I can’t lie though, it became a bit much throughout the weekend.

The night turned out pretty tame except when we got back to Lauren’s, I locked myself in the her bathroom and drunk dialed Nick until he answered. It was 1:30 AM LA time, meaning it was 3:30 AM in Chicago.

Nick finally picked up after maybe the fourth try.

“Hello?” he answered, sounding adorably sleepy.

“Finally!” I said back.

“Sorry, I fell asleep on the couch watching House of Cards,” Nick said.

“Well, I’m glad you picked up. This is one of your tests and this was my last time trying to call you.”

He laughed. “I’m glad too then. How’s your trip?”

“Fine. Organic. Boring. What did you eat today?”

“Well, I grilled for dinner…”

“Grilled?” I exclaimed. “Like steak?”

“Yep, kabobs.”

I moaned then whispered, “My friend here is vegan so we had burgers made out of lentils. It was awful. So I had to settle for a chicken nugget happy meal.”

We chatted for a little while longer until Nick yawned audibly.

“Fine, go to sleep,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“Well, I miss you. Get back here so you can try my kabob.”

I hung up.

The next day, Lauren and I went to another vegan restaurant, but this one was right on the beach and made for amazing Instagram and Snapchat photos so I didn’t mind. After that we went shopping again because Lauren needed more shoes to go with her outfit for the night. That’s why I always buy things when I see them because you just never know when an event will come up.

We were trying on shoes at Barneys when Lauren said, “Devin might be there tonight with his woman toy. You’re cool with that?”

“Excuse me?” I exclaimed.

Lauren rolled her eyes. “I know. They broke up for a while, but now she’s back. She’s a crazy psycho bitch, even more than you. No offense. She’s loaded though and wants to impress us all so drinks are always on her.”

I was not about to let Devin or his cougar sugar mama rain on my parade and I still planned on having a good time. So I put on a two piece set, hoop earrings and heels. Another DJ friend was playing in Hollywood so the plan was to get sushi and drinks, mingle then meet the boys at the club. I ended up running into a friend from high school at sushi and invited him and his friends out with us for the night. And then on our way out we ran into some of Lauren’s male friends, who all looked like grown up professional skate boarders. They decided to tag along too and that’s how our entourage came together.

We had a table and bottle service obviously and I ordered an extra bottle of rosé because why not? Lauren and I danced literally non stop for two hours until we met some (alleged) reality show boys and hung out with them for a little bit. I can’t remember which reality show they said they are on, but I took a ton of pictures just in case they get famous or something.

We ran into Devin and the girl on our way out. I knew the moment would come because that’s just how my life works. They were standing at the bar, fighting it looked like, and Devin did a double take when he noticed me.

“Oh my God, Reese!” I heard someone say and our friend from college, Ronnie, emerged from somewhere in Devin’s group.

We hugged and Devin reached in between us to grab my arm. Before I could even snatch my arm away like I wanted to, the girlfriend jumped in front of Devin, knocking a drink out of someone’s hand and all over my legs and feet. My natural reaction was to strangle her, but Mature Lauren stepped in and escorted us out. It all happened so fast.

“What the actual fuck?” I asked when we got outside.

“I told you she was crazy. Stuff like this happens every single time we go out.” Lauren pulled out her little rose gold vape pen that I discovered pretty early on contains cannibus oil. She offered it to me and I actually took it.

Ronnie’s phone called me about ten times after we’d left and I didn’t pick it up because I assumed it was Devin and I don’t know what he could possibly want. I found out my suspicion was correct when I got a voicemail from Devin saying, “Hey, why did you leave? And how long are you in LA for? If you’re around tomorrow night, you can come over.”

I was obviously super glad to get back to Chicago. I took an Uber straight from the airport to Nick’s apartment because I really, really wanted to see him.

I didn’t tell Scott about Nick because last time I told him about a date I went on he got really weird and quiet and it seemed kind of unnecessary. I decided I would just complain about being single and soak up the attention. We continued getting close and working on projects together and staying later than everyone else. He opened up about his fear of being alone in life and that got me wondering if that’s an actual possibility? Like, things with Nick don’t work out and things with the next guy don’t work out and I turn into a serial dater who continues getting dumped. Can you imagine?

And Scott talked about wanting his wife to move out, but not knowing how to go about it without hurting her feelings. Because he obviously still cares about her, just not in a romantic way. I actually felt bad for him.

The following weekend, I went to happy hour with Lexi and a couple of her friends and their boyfriends and we drank until we were dancing all around our table. We left at around 11:30 and Nick had already invited me over for a sleepover so I ran home, showered and packed the largest overnight bag with all my things.

We stayed up talking, drinking wine and eating chocolate ice cream. His phone rang a couple times and I finally glanced down at it to see who was calling. Someone named “Brittany.”

“Who is blowing up your phone at this time of night?” I asked.

“This girl I work with,” Nick explained. “We were all out tonight.”

“But why would she be calling you at 1:00 AM?” I wanted to know.

He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe to ask why I left?”

It seemed to me that Nick was telling the truth because he was pretty straight forward and didn’t seem nervous and weird like Brady always did when I confronted him about his questionable behavior.

And so then we went and had sex for an hour before passing out. Nick had something to do early in the morning, but let me stay and sleep. I eventually woke up because I felt someone staring at me. It literally woke me out of my sleep. It was the fucking cat, who was laying on Nick’s pillow next to me.

“What do you want?” I asked and she meowed like super loudly. I took that as my cue to take me ass home.

Nick said he would probably go out on Saturday night and would text me so we could meet up. I got dinner with Luke and drank too much and after a quick power nap at home, I was ready to meet up with my man. I’d seen on his Instagram story that he was out drinking a Moscow Mule at some bougie looking bar that I didn’t recognize.

I texted him, “Where are you?” and I fell asleep again while waiting for him to reply.

Two hours later, my phone woke me up.

Nick had finally responded, “I miss you.”

“No, you don’t. Where are you? I want to see you.”

Nick sent back some heart emojis. Like what the fuck? Just answer my question. I sent back three knife emojis.

Nick didn’t even open my message until 3:00 AM so I was distraught wondering what he’d been doing the whole time and why he wouldn’t tell me where he was.

The next morning, Nick sent me a picture of a brunch plate like nothing had even happened. Um, excuse me? Was Sunday brunch not our thing?

“Looks tasty. Thanks for the invite,” I said.

Literally two hours later, Nick sent back a single smiling emoji.

“What are you up to?” I asked.

Two hours later, “Drinking. :-)”

I assumed he was with a girl. Brittany, perhaps? They’d spent Saturday night together and continued their date into Sunday. I could just feel it. When Nick is with me, he’s hardly ever on his phone, but when we are apart he responds to texts freakishly fast. So the fact that he was taking forever to text me back was not normal. And who else would he be hanging out with? He tells me all about his friends, most of whom are married and have kids. Except the one bachelor friend who I knew was away for the weekend. It only makes sense that he was with another girl all weekend. And obviously I wasn’t happy about it.

So I ignored him the rest of Sunday night, not that he would have noticed because he didn’t really text me.

We were required to work a half day on Monday which was so stupid, but fine because I planned on getting really drunk on Monday night with Lexi and Luke and spending all of Tuesday being hungover and eating. No one was really working Monday morning as we all talked about what our July 4th plans were and eating the pizza Mike’s assistant ordered for us.

Scott had brought me a green tea that morning and since I was mad at Nick, I followed him into his office and made out with him until I was sure he came in his pants. So we spent the rest of the day working together while sexting. He even gave me a ten minute shoulder massage which was amazing.

I’d gone to get another slice of pizza and a Diet Coke and spent like ten minutes talking to a coworker in the kitchen. When I came out, I saw Scott walking past with his tiny cute little blonde wife. The wife he says he plans on divorcing this year. And she was about eleven months pregnant. WITH A FUCKING BABY. Neither of them saw me and I thought my pizza was going to come back up.

I didn’t even know what to do. Like, what? How was his wife pregnant with an actual human being and about to pop and I had no idea? Did anyone even know? How could he hide something so big? And he was going to ask his pregnant wife to move out? 

I needed to leave after that so I went back to my office and powered down for the day. On my way out, Scott was standing in his office door with his hands in his pockets.

“Have a good Independence Day, Reese,” he said very formally. I just glared at him. The fucking nerve.

Nick texted me on Monday night inviting me over for dinner on Tuesday night. He said he’d be grilling. I waited three hours before responding, “Yes.” Because I actually did want to see him. And if nothing else, I could confront him about his weekend in person.

I spent the early part of the day with Kendra, John and the baby and it was so relaxing, but so boring. After a couple hours, I’ve had enough of the whole young family thing and I’m ready to go do my own thing/drink.  

Nick and I met at Whole Foods at 7 PM so he could pick up some things he needed for dinner. I was still kind of standoffish and didn’t greet him with a hug or kiss or anything. So he started with some small talk. He revealed that he’d gone to a bar on Saturday night and come home and fallen asleep on the couch. And that actually seemed kind of likely so I felt a little bit bad and opened up a little bit more.

When we got to his place, Nick was very sweet and made sure I liked everything on the menu. We sat on the couch and drank sangria and he said something like, “I thought you were ignoring me for a little while.”

I just smiled and said, “Why would I do that?”

Dinner was phenomenal and afterwards we opened another bottle of wine and finished before he grabbed me to take me to the bed. We had sex and even after I pulled out all my tricks, it took him forever to come. And it never takes him forever to come. But at the time, I wasn’t worried about that at all. Nick set an early alarm because he had to work today and we fell asleep. I didn’t plan on sleeping over, but whatever.

I woke up before the alarm and just stared at the night stand next to me because for a moment, I couldn’t remember where I was. Then I realized I was at Nick’s house, in his bed. I noticed a water bottle on the night stand and smiled thinking Nick put it there for me. How sweet. He usually does that when we’ve stayed up late drinking. But then I realized it was half empty like someone had already been drinking from it. And it obviously wasn’t me. Or Nick because he keeps his own water bottle on his side of the bed. Strange. To me, that meant someone else had been there.

When Nick’s alarm finally went off, he turned to me and I just glared at him.

“You okay?” he asked.

“Fine,” I said, throwing the blanket off me and getting up to get dressed.

Nick watched me getting ready to leave and didn’t say anything. He could tell something was wrong, but didn’t know how to address it.

“I hope you have a nice day at work,” I said because my Uber was still seven minutes away and I guess I didn’t want to sit there being a mute.

“You too. If you’re not doing anything later, let me know. We could grab dinner or something,” Nick said.


As Nick was walking me out, he said, “Do you have everything? Your earrings and necklace?”

And I did, but why is it such a big deal if I accidentally leave some jewelry at his place? I have literally one million other pairs of earrings at my house. Unless he didn’t want his other girlfriend to come over and see evidence of me.

Am I jumping to conclusions? Like, I know I probably sound paranoid and crazy, but it all just sounds sketchy. I know the signs. Like I’ve been here before. I know the behaviors. And now I think I should just get out while I can. 


i met someone. 

Luke invited me to a wine tasting and I haven’t seen Luke in forever plus I love wine so I agreed. It was on a Friday afternoon after work at a cute wine bar. I didn’t plan on after work plans, but I always keep a spare outfit in my office just in case something arises. I changed into a dress and a choker and kept on my nude heels. I met Luke on a corner near the offices and we Ubered to the bar.

I was checking my makeup in my phone’s camera as we walked up to the bar. Their patio was open and when I glanced over, there was a man sitting there who looked so good that it made me stop dead in my tracks. He noticed me at the same time and gave me a weird, tight smile before laughing. He was tall, I could tell even though he was sitting, with James Dean hair and the sharpest jaw I’ve ever seen. He was wearing Ray Bans so I couldn’t see his eyes, but I just knew by the rest of his face that they were warm and gorgeous.

I regained my composure and kept walking, deciding that I was going to meet whoever this man was. We sampled a few wines then went to the bar to get actual drinks. Luke told me about all the office drama and no matter how long I’ve been gone, I will always want to know about drama in the office.

“Dale will never going anywhere in his career. Fact,” Luke said.

“Ugh, what a loser,” I said. “Honestly, he’s lucky to even be in the position he is now.” I started thinking about what it would be like if I was in Dale’s position at my old company and have Luke takeover my old job.

“I know. He keeps hiring all these people and then Dave will say we need to cut expenses and he will just eliminate their job. It’s happened like three times.”

“I would sue,” I said matter-of-factly.

“But anyway, what’s new with you? How’s work?” Luke asked.

“Well… there’s this thing with my boss,” I started.

“What kind of thing?” Luke asked, looking down at his phone.

“I guess I don’t really know. Like it’s weird. He’s married, but we have this connection.”

Luke’s head jerked up. “Reese, no.”

“I know. Believe me, I fought it for as long as I could. I used to hate him. Like he’s so annoying. But something about him just isn’t as annoying,” I said.

“But he’s your boss. And he’s married.”

I rolled my eyes. “He would leave his wife without hesitation if I asked him to.”

I turned back to the bar and saw that the hot guy from outside was approaching the bar next to me. He gave me another of his tight, awkward smiles.

“I can’t tell if you’re trying to be friendly or making fun of me with that smile,” I said as he joined me.

He turned slightly as if he was making sure I was talking to him and then his mouth dropped open a little bit.

“That’s how I smile at everyone,” he told me. And then he gave me a real smile, one that looked confident and sexy. I just stared at him. “What are you drinking? It looks like you gave up on the tasting.”

He introduced himself as Nick, an investment analyst originally from Michigan. I usually try to stay away from the finance boys (and Michigan boys), but Nick was really cute and even though he looked like Clark Kent, he had a small town vibe to him and that touched my little heart. We talked about brunch for a while, which normally would have been really lame, but I wanted to continue talking to him.

“Well, if you ever need a buddy to brunch with, I’m your guy,” Nick said.

I smirked and gave him a side eye. Buddy. Really?

“I’m not really looking for any buddies.”

Nick’s eyebrows shot up. “Oh… okay.”

“But I am super passionate about brunch.”

He laughed and we exchanged numbers. I fully expected him to wait two days to text me because that’s what boys do, but he texted me that same night.

“I’m suggesting Fig & Olive brunch on Sunday,” he said.

“I’m saying yes,” I replied back immediately. Usually I would’ve made him wait a couple hours/days to torture him, but no need.

He sent me a PDF copy of the menu because I told him I have to see the menus of restaurants before I go and even though I’ve been to Fig & Olive before, the gesture was sweet.

On Sunday morning, I woke up early, went a spin class, came home, showered, curled my hair, drank some champagne and put on a skort, a bodysuit, a jacket thrown over my shoulders and Stuart Weitzman Nudist heels.

Nick texted me, “Have you figured out what you wanted from the menu yet?”

I texted back, “I’m going to do their namesake salad sans the cheese and I was thinking we could share some crostinis – you pick. I’ll also do a couple glasses of rosé unless you think we should do a bottle and a side of fries.”

“Got it. I was just gonna do an omelette.”

We had agreed to meet at the restaurant so I called a car. Nick was waiting outside with his Ray Bans on and hands in his pockets. Usually I’m intentionally 15-30 minutes late on first dates, but this time I was 10 minutes late and it wasn’t intentional. There was one lock of hair that wouldn’t cooperate. I ended up having to put it in a bun. He was looking around casually, chomping on a piece of gum, and something about him just warms my heart.

I hopped out of the car and Nick noticed me right away. He smiled (his hot smile) and rushed over to me.

“Gotta love Uber Black,” he said gesturing to the SUV I was stepping out of.

I rolled my eyes. “Well, I only use them because I give my driver the weekends off.”

Nick laughed, but I was serious. We made our way inside and got seated. The server came over and Nick ordered everything I asked for, almost word for word.

I smirked at him. “Well, I guess you past the first test.”

He raised his eyebrows. “And how many tests are there?”

I pondered. “I’m not sure yet. Maybe fourteen, fifteen.”

Nick just stared at me.

“And here’s your next one. Why did your last relationship end?”

“Well, she broke up with me,” Nick said.

I gasped. “You let her dump you? Why?”

“Complications,” he said immediately.

“Like?” I pried.

“When I got a new job I couldn’t spend as much time with her and she didn’t like that.”

“You couldn’t make time?”

“I was going to. I wanted to get settled first and she didn’t give me the opportunity.”

I gave him a sympathetic look. He wanted to know about my last relationship too since we were on the subject. I vaguely told him about the communication issues Brady and I had.

“So, I guess the takeaway from that is I need to know everything about everything and everyone,” I said.

Nick nodded. “Good to know.”

We talked and ate and it felt really natural – like we’d known each other forever. After we finished our food, we asked to see a dessert menu, but after pondering for half an hour, we decided we didn’t even want dessert.

After Nick paid for our meal, we went outside and started walking. There are some shops around the restaurant and we looked in the windows and continued talking. He has a finance background and kind of lectured me on the importance of saving and investing and I just nodded and smirked at him.

“I’m serious,” he said. “Almost every industry is struggling right now and if you were to ever lose your job, you need to be prepared.” I gave him a look and he added, “I’m not trying to scare you.”

I knew he was right and vowed to save a little bit more each month. He continued on, talking about 401k’s, IRAs, stocks and bonds. How my rent/mortgage budget shouldn’t be more than 25% of my income. 

“I think it’s adorable that you care about this stuff,” I said.

I could tell Nick was a little embarrassed. “Well, it is a part of my job.”

What I love about Nick is how natural it feels to be with him. Even on our first date. Like it felt like I knew him forever. He catches on to my sarcasm and humor right away and sometimes that’s hard to find.

We were walking and passed a high end jewelry store with a huge ring in a window display. I stopped and said, “Whenever you’re ready to propose, I want something like this. Just keep that in mind.”

Nick peeked around me to get a look at the ring and replied, “Noted.” And then he grabbed my hand. “That ring would look good on you actually.” And then he didn’t let go of my hand.

I joked and said, “You only did that so you could hold my hand, didn’t you?”

Nick looked down at me and said, “Yes,” in a serious way.

After we had walked all the way down the street and back up, we just kind of looked at each other. I don’t think either of us was ready for the date to be over.

“I don’t live far from here. You could come over and we could watch a movie or something…” I suggested.

“Cool. I’m free all day,” Nick said.

I led the way to my apartment which was within walking distance from where we were. Thank goodness I cleaned so the place wasn’t a compete shit show when Nick walked in.

“You have a nice place,” Nick commented and then he pulled me closer to him before I could respond and kissed me. It was quick, but sensual and left me wanting more. But then he pulled away and gave me that stupid little smile.

I pulled up a movie on Netflix and we both laid down on the couch. Before I knew it, we were both sleeping and we proceeded to nap for two hours. I woke up with Nick’s arms around my torso and initially I was super confused, thinking, “Brady’s arms aren’t this big.” Ugh.

Nick didn’t go home until midnight, but we didn’t have sex. To be honest, I thought about it because we were getting along so swimmingly. I even forgot it was the first date.

After that though, we have been kind of inseparable. The following day, Monday, we met for lunch on our lunch breaks. We met at a place in between both of our offices and Nick strolled up in the typical finance fuckboy uniform: dark suit, brown shoes, a tie and sunglasses. Even his haircut fit the bill.

“This is so crazy to say, but I missed you,” he greeted me. The look on his face told me that he was annoyed to have to admit that.

“I should’ve warned you, I’ve heard I’m quite addicting,” I told him.

We were able to get a table at the busy restaurant and ordered sandwiches, salads and gin and tonics (my idea). I asked about his family and found out that his dad works in finance and his mom stayed home, which is exactly like my parents before their split. He has an older sister and a younger sister who I demanded to see pictures of. And he pulled up an Instagram post of the three of them looking stunning, honestly. Is it just me or do you not *really* know what people look like until you see a still picture of them? Like, obviously Nick was hot, but after seeing a photo of him, I realized he really could be some sort of super hero in a movie. I followed him on Instagram after that.

“What are you doing after work?” Nick asked as we stood outside the restaurant saying our goodbyes.

I thought about it. “I was gonna clean out my DVR, but I could hold off. Why, what’s up?”

“Well, I have some returns to make at Nordstrom, maybe you could come with me?”

I smiled. He was already inviting me to Nordstrom with him? Nick just knows the way to my heart.

“Fine. And we will pick out something new that isn’t so typical.” I rolled my eyes.

After work, Nick texted me his address so I could meet him at his apartment. I was kind of annoyed to see that he lives in River North. But his apartment is beautiful. Windows everywhere, dark wood and countertops, chic door knobs… I was a little weirded out when a cat came strutting out of one of the rooms.

“Who the fuck is that?” I asked.

“That’s Coco, my cat,” Nick said.

“You have a cat?”

He nodded and smiled a childlike smile.

“And it’s named after Coco Chanel? Is this your ex-girlfriend’s cat?”

“No, her name is Cocoa, like chocolate. Because of the color of her coat,” Nick explained.

The cat came and rubbed her body on my leg.

“She likes you already.”

“I can’t believe you have a cat and didn’t tell me,” I said. But imagining Nick taking care of the little feline kind of touched my heart.

We grabbed the returns and got in an Uber to Nordstrom. Nick returned some things he purchased online ($1,200 worth) and we proceeded to the men’s department so I could pick out things for him to try on. I noticed that Nick didn’t complain at all (Brady hated shopping and trying things on) and I decided that this was another test. We went to the dressing room and I convinced the sales girl to let us go in together. I really just wanted to see Nick undress.

And he did not disappoint. He has a swimmer’s body with big arms and shoulders and a really small waist. I tried to pretend I wasn’t gawking at him, but really I wanted to see more.

We ended up finding a few tops and a pair of jeans and then went downstairs so I could try on shoes. I can’t ever go in Nordstrom and not try on shoes. It’s physically impossible for me. I ended up taking home three pairs.

We called an Uber and took our loot back to Nick’s place. He poured wine and we sat on the couch talking for an hour before I ended up straddling him and making out until 2am. I had to physically peel myself off him.

“You could stay over if you want,” Nick said.

“No thanks,” I said back as I stood up and fixed my dress and hair.

We had lunch together (and dinner twice) the rest of the week and had our first sleepover on Friday. We both left work at 4 PM, met up to go to Whole Foods for groceries then went back to his place to make dinner. I thought it was so adorable how Nick’s tie was undone the whole time, almost like a signal of the end of the week. We decided to make mussels and pasta in a white wine sauce.

The cat hung out on the counter the whole time we cooked until I finally shooed her away.

“Doesn’t it bother you that she’s just chilling on the counter?” I asked.

“No, she’s not bothering anything. She just wants to be included,” Nick explained. And that made me feel kind of bad.

Dinner turned out amazing (thanks Pinterest) and we sat on the couch polishing off the bottle of wine (plus a second one) and talking.

The next thing I remember is Nick shaking me to wake me up. I opened my eyes and saw him standing over me.

“Hey, do you want to come to bed?” he asked.

I got up and followed him to his room wordlessly. Without even thinking about it, I threw off my dress and climbed in the bed. Nick grabbed me and spooned me, cupping my bare boobs. I could feel that his heart was actually racing. How adorable.

We fooled around for about an hour maybe and it was almost innocent (just lots of kissing all over the body, but no contact with any genitals). And then we fell asleep.

But the next morning, we both grabbed at each other when we woke up. It was like we both couldn’t wait to wake up so we could touch each other again. And obviously both of us wanted more of each other.

Nick climbed on top of me and kissed all over my shoulders and neck while trying to wiggle me out of my underwear. I tried to help him while also running my nails along his back. Guys love that, by the way. Try it.

When Nick finally pushed inside of me, I thought, “Finally. This is what I’ve been waiting my life for.” That few seconds felt better than any sex I’ve had for the past year.

Anyway, it was great. I had no doubts about it before, but still. I was hooked. When we finished, Nick said something stupid like, “That was cool.” And I wanted to slap him.

I went home and showered and got ready then we met for brunch. Again, we walked around for a little while after brunch before retreating back to his place to hook up again.

And I guess the rest is history. It’s only been a few weeks, but I feel like I’ve known Nick forever. It’s to the point where I’m asking about his family members by name, reminding him to do things that I know are a part of his everyday routine, and making grocery lists for his apartment. It’s fun because I can tell that he’s actually really, really into me. I feel like when I first got with Brady, I was unsure. And it just feels so natural. We talk about things in the future like we just know they are going to happen. Making plans for the rest of the summer and our birthdays and the fall. And we haven’t even had a DTR talk because it seems kind of unnecessary. We spend literally all of our time together so I’m not worried about being exclusive (except I see my other boyfriend, Scott, everyday at work 🙃).


am i addicted to drama?

Brady and I had plans to go to an awards ceremony for one of his work colleagues and then we would go out with his work friends after that. I thought it would be a nice time to meet the Poison Ivy looking chick from Brady’s Instagram.

I left work a little bit early on Friday to get ready because the awards dinner was supposed to be kind of nice or something and I wanted to look good for it (and for Poison Ivy). So I needed to get ready. I showered and changed into a tight black jumpsuit with a vest that I could ditch later when the real festivities began. I didn’t have time to deal with my hair so I swept it up into a high bun.

I texted Brady, “I’m ready,” and he said, “Meet me here? I just got out of the shower.”

Imagining Brady fresh out of the shower made my little heart palpitate and I immediately ordered an Uber. I’m sorry, but Brady is actually really hot. So I rushed over there.

“Hey. You look cute,” Brady greeted me at the door.

“Hi. Where’s my son?” I asked, breezing in past him. Brady looked good and smelled delicious, but I couldn’t let him know I was thinking that.

Tucker came bounding into the foyer so fast that he couldn’t stop and slid across the tile.

“Aww, my little angel face!” I exclaimed. I picked him up and kissed all over his face to make Brady jealous.

“Just give me 3 minutes and I’ll be ready to go, okay?” Brady said.

I nodded and watched him walk away. His ass looked hot in dark chinos, a button up and the preppiest loafers (who picked those out for him?). I hate that I am so attracted to him.

I put Tucker down and cleaned all the dog hair off me while I waited. Brady came back and told me that he called an Uber. On the ride over, he told me about Hunter and Dom and how much Dom has changed since giving birth.

“I’m sure she’s changed for the better. She was so awful before,” I said.

“Yeah well, Hunter thinks she’s pretty awful now,” Brady said.

I rolled my eyes. I wanted to tell him that Hunter probably just wasn’t ready for commitment (especially to a person like Dom) and wanted to continue meeting and hooking up with girls. Remember the girl he met in the grocery store here in Chicago and ended up spending the night with? That’s what Hunter wants. Not to be at home with a miserable woman and babies. And I don’t blame him.

When we got to the venue, I immediately discovered it was open bar. Thank God. I made Brady stand in the bar line with me to get drinks before we even went to find his friends because priorities. We needed to take full advantage of this situation. I got a modest glass of rosé and Brady got a beer. So then I was ready to see his friends.

Brady’s gotten pretty close with this guy named Alex, who recently moved to Chicago from New York. Brady talks about him a lot, but it was my first time meeting him. He reminded me of Chris – tall, dark hair, beard – but he’s a doctor.

“Reese! Nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot,” Alex said. He glanced at Brady with a smile and of course, I glanced at Brady too, but I glared at him. Don’t talk shit about me to your new friends.

“Likewise,” I said, shaking his hand.

We hung out with Alex for the first hour and talked to some of their other coworkers. I was bored, but enjoying the mac and cheese balls, shrimp cocktails and blue cheese stuffed olives.

And then the red headed girl showed up. And I had a cracker in my mouth. She reached out to hug Brady first, I noticed, and then Alex. Her hair was literally dyed bright red and she was about 5’2 wearing a tight black dress and lots of eyeshadow. She was cute though.

“Sorry, I can’t stay out long. I’m overnighting this week,” she said. “But I thought I’d come out for a little bit!”

“Great!” I said.

“You haven’t met Reese, have you?” Brady chimed in.

Homegirl looked at me. “No! Nice to meet you! I’m Amelia.”

“Hi Amelia,” I said, dryly. I had no reason to automatically hate her, but I did.

She gave me a big smile and then turned back to the others. I glanced at Brady at and he was giving me a weird look so I rolled my eyes at him. He obviously didn’t know that I knew who this Amelia girl was and was going to try to make me feel like an idiot. Not today.

We hung out with Alex and Amelia for a little bit, but again I was bored. Alex is funny in a frat boy kind of way. Eventually, Amelia had to go and as soon as she walked away, I said, “So what’s the story with her?”

“What do you mean?” Brady asked, giving me a weird look.

“I mean, she’s cute. Nice.” I shrugged. “I just didn’t think that was your type.”

Brady threw his head back and rolled his eyes – a look I’ve seen on far too many occasions. “Reese, it’s not even like that.”

I shrugged again like “No big deal, do what you want.”

“Hey, I’ll be right back,” Alex said, sensing that things were getting personal.

As soon as he walked away, Brady said, “Please don’t.”

“Please don’t what? I saw your pics on Instagram. You don’t have to pretend.”

“What are you talking about, Reese? I’m not interested in her in that way at all.”

At that point I realized that it was pretty obvious Brady and Amelia had nothing going on (I mean, come on). They had no chemistry and she talked about her ex (who she kept referring to as “they” and kept things gender neutral like it could be a man or a woman). But I couldn’t even stop myself from confronting him, especially after I’d already started. Am I addicted to drama?

And maybe Brady is too because he still invited me back to his place at the end of the night. We spent about 45 minutes at a couple bars then he called an Uber and asked if I wanted to come. I said, “Fine.”

We got undressed which was my goal for the night and then got in bed. Brady started rubbing my legs and I realized I forgot to shave so I pushed his hands away. He made a face like, “Oh, guess that’s not allowed,” and I was cool with that because then at least he would think I was calling the shots.

We had sex for a long time and got in weird postions we haven’t even tried before, but in the end Brady couldn’t come. I always feel like when guys can’t finish it’s because they’re either super sexually active or they masturbate a lot. Either way, I was unimpressed and got up to find something to eat in the kitchen.

I slept over and the next morning Brady reached over and started fondling me really early. I pushed him off because I was not about to endure that torture again.

“Well, I’m gonna go,” I said and before I could even finish my sentence, Brady asked, “Do you want to get breakfast?”

He looked at me expectantly like I hadn’t even said anything. Since he seemed so eager, I said, “Okay, fine.”

Before we left, Brady proceeded to eat me out so at the very least I would be satisfied and I appreciated that. I got up and put on a white romper I’d brought with me and we headed to Summer House. By the way, I really hate that place. So overrated and pretentious and the exact reason I’ve fallen out of love with Lincoln Park. I will stay in Gold Coast where everyone is open about their money and plastic surgery, thanks. I got lip fillers by the way! I love. 

I haven’t really spoken to or seen Brady since our breakfast date that morning. I heard from a reliable source (Preston) that he had sex with Tia and I’m just so fucking sick of Brady’s dick. Like, you’re kidding me, right? Plus I met someone. I’ll tell y’all about that later. Brady texted me two weeks ago telling me that Hunter was in Chicago for the weekend and invited me to hang out with them. I said no thanks in my head and then didn’t respond. 

One day Scott and I stayed at work late working on a project. After we were finished, we were the last ones in the office and Scott invited me out for a drink. This was after our makeout and we hadn’t really talked or hung out since. And I was dying to talk about it and ease the tension so I agreed. We walked to this bar near Merchandise Mart. It was a Thursday night and the bar was surprisingly really packed. We grabbed our drinks and went to a corner. 

We talked about work a lot for a while, about what Mike wanted for 2017 and what Scott was envisioning. Scott is up for a promotion for a position on the same scale as Mike’s and obviously I’m hoping his promotion will bump me up too. I know it’s a little bit far fetched since I haven’t been in my position long, but I’m really fucking good. Ask anyone.

“So,” Scott asked with Australian/English accent. “Any new men in your life?”

I rolled my eyes. “No. Just the same old ones who I need to move on from.”

“I thought you and Brady would have found a way to make it work by now,” Scott said.

I shrugged. This was before the Tia tea. “I just don’t know about me and him. I feel like if it was going to work, it would. I shouldn’t have to fight so hard.”

“I know what you mean. Relationships are so complicated and…weird. I’m feeling like you feel. I shouldn’t have to fight this hard.”


Scott nodded. “When we first got married, my wife made me very happy and we had a lot of fun. Now all of that is gone. The excitement is gone.”

I frowned to show my sympathy.

“This sounds awful, but I’m not excited to come home and see her and I know I should be. I care about her a lot, but I don’t feel like I’m in love with her anymore. I feel like she’s my best friend and that’s it.”

“It shouldn’t feel like that,” I said, as if I know anything about marriage or have any business giving anyone relationship advice. 

“I know. I’ve felt this way before. I was engaged another time, but we were never married. It was my fault because I lost interest. In my fiancée.” Scott looked at me to gauge my reaction.

“So what happened?”

“Well, we called off the wedding. I told her I was getting cold feet, which was true, but I didn’t tell her that I flat out just wasn’t attracted to her anymore.”

“That’s terrible,” I said, feeling bad for the ex-fiancée. Especially because she didn’t know the full story (but didn’t need to). In my head, I was thinking wow, and now Scott feels the same way again. These poor women.

“I know. I feel like there might be something wrong with me. I don’t know if I’m capable of this large of a commitment. I love seeing new people and so I lose interest. I wish it weren’t like this.”

When Scott said this, it reasonated with me. Do y’all remember when I was having that crisis where I wasn’t sure if I could be in a monogamous relationship because I seek attention so much? I feel like the way Scott feels is kind of the way I feel. So then I felt sorry for him because you can’t help that you feel that way and you definitely don’t want to.

Scott and I got really close after that evening at the bar. We went back to working together a lot more and helping each other with various projects. We also went to lunch together most days – sometimes even opting for a liquid lunch. Scott and I are really similar in a lot of ways and I think that’s why we butt heads so much. We talked about each other’s love lives a lot because that’s how we bonded and he talked about his future and being single.

And we kissed again. A few times. A lot of times. Usually after too much wine at lunch, but sometimes not. I don’t know what it is, but we are just really passionate with each other. Our friendship/relationship is very fun and light, but also heavy and deep. This is going to sound really lame, but it almost feels magnetic. Like the universe is pushing us together.

One night, we were both the last ones left in the office besides the custodians. Scott and I had finished work and were sitting in his office talking. We were sitting way too close and if anyone was still in the office, people would be gossiping about it. 

“I guess I’d better get home before she starts texting me about my whereabouts,” Scott said.

I nodded because I understood who “she” was.

Scott leaned close to me like he was going to kiss me. “As crazy as this sounds, I would love it if you texted me about my whereabouts.”

I gave him a sassy look.

“I feel different about you than I have about anyone else. I could never lose interest in you.”

I gave him an equally sassy, but skeptical look.

“You would always keep me on my toes. When I’m not around you, all I can think about is when I’ll see you next and how you might surprise me.”

“What can I say? I’m unique,” I said, playing coy. I wasn’t about to admit to Scott that I imagine what it would be like if we were together often too. I know I shouldn’t and I can barely admit it to myself, but I can see it happening. And I go back and forth between wanting it and wanting to stay far, far away. But even when I try to stay away, the universe steps in (and also we work closely together so there’s that too).

Scott has been traveling a lot the past few weeks so I haven’t seen much of him. And I find myself texting him questions about work just so I can talk to him and see how he’s doing. I literally spend all day thinking up questions to ask that are relevant, real and don’t sound like I’m just looking for a reason to text him. I’m actually so annoyed with myself, but I can’t stop. And he’s always so happy to hear from me and talks about how he can’t wait to get back to the office to see me and plans where we will do lunch. And I kind of love that. 

Anyway, how are y’all? I can’t wait to tell y’all about my new man (not Scott) and it’ll literally be so soon! Promise!


he thought i was an escort.

It was a hoop earrings kind of weekend. Christian came to Chicago because a DJ friend had a couple of gigs here and their entire posse came. And I say posse because that’s literally what they were. They were like 12 deep and had several suites at the Palmer House. As soon as they landed on Friday, Christian texted me saying they were meeting at an event at a restaurant in Gold Coast and he wanted me to me up with them. I was still at work at this point (talking to Scott ironically) and I jumped up when I got the text so I could rush home and get ready.

“Fun plans tonight?” he asked.

“Yeah, a friend is in town,” I told him.

“Okay well… text me if you’re around. We could meet up or something,” Scott said.

“Yeah…” I said and scampered off. I have more confessions about Scott and me. I’ll fill y’all in later.

So I went home and changed into a plunging bodysuit, high waist jeans, lace up heels and of course, my hoop earrings. Christian ordered a car for me and I met all of them at the restaurant.

“Hey, beautiful,” Christian said and greeted me with a hug and kiss on the cheek. He introduced me to his friends who all looked like rappers or musicians or something.

The entire crowd was industry people which hasn’t been my scene at all in the last few years. I was hanging out with Brady’s friends where being hilarious and having cute clothes didn’t matter.

“So how have you been? Since I don’t ever hear from you..” Christian asked.

“Just super busy. With like work and stuff,” I told him.

We caught up for a while until one of his friends called him and requested we get out of our own little world and join their conversation. The friends asked me a lot of questions, but again they weren’t asking what I do for a living or anything like that because that doesn’t define you as a person. (It kind of does, but still). I liked that.

After we had several drinks, some of the crew needed to go set up, but Christian suggested we go spend some time alone. So I called an Uber and took him to a cute little bougie lounge that does live music.

I started to get a little bored with Christian (I noticed because I kept checking my phone to see if Scott or even Zach had texted me) and it concerned me because Christian and I connected so well when we first met. See how easily I get bored with people?

Eventually we decided to head to the club. Since his friend was performing we were able to go through the back entrance. The guy at the door looked at me and said, “Hey, how have you been?” as if he knows me.

I figured I must have known him from somewhere so I was nice and we chatted for a couple minutes. Christian and I went inside and had shots and drinks and danced. We went back to the bar to order more drinks and the door guy made a beeline for us. He shook Christian’s hand and leaned in to tell him something. He kept glancing at me and of course I decided to eat up the attention and flip my hair a little bit and smile at him.

Christian turned around and gave me a weird look so I stopped. The door guy walked away and Christian was distant the rest of the night. He grabbed his drink and headed toward VIP where the rest of his friends were without saying anything. He didn’t want to really dance or talk anymore, but seemed to be having a blast with his friends. I shrugged and started talking to his friend, Laz. And I guess I was kind of happy to have someone new to talk to since Christian was boring and apparently bored with me too.

At 3:00 AM, the night was winding down and Laz asked if I wanted to go back to his suite to continue the party. Before I could even think if I wanted to go, Christian tapped Laz on the shoulder and shook his head and gave him a look. He caught me catching him and looked away.

Outside, I decided to confront him.

“Why are you ignoring me?” I whined.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Christian said back, not making eye contact with me.

“You’re actually so annoying. Just be an adult and tell me what you’re mad about so we can get over it and go get food,” I said.

He looked at me. “It’s not that I’m mad at you, Reese. You’re just not who I thought you were.”

I rolled my eyes. “What are you even talking about?”

“You! The way you make your living. I understand you gotta do what you gotta do, but I don’t want to be involved in it.”

“Wait, what?”

Christian looked embarrassed. “The bouncer asked if I had you for the whole night because he had another interested client. A ‘high roller.’ He’s thinking I paid for you.”

I stared at him for a moment. “So he thinks I’m an escort?”

“Yeah. A well known one,” Christian mumbled.

“That’s absurd!” I exclaimed. “What kind of person do you think I am?”

And then I realized that Christian has no idea what kind of person I am. All he’s knows is that I’m friends with Brittany and who knows what she is up to in Houston. I started crying. Laz asked if I was okay, but Christian just stood there with his hands in his pockets.

“I don’t care. I literally can’t believe you,” I said as I suddenly stopped crying. I walked to the curb and raised my arm to hail a cab.

Christian followed me. “Look, I don’t know what to think.”

“It’s honestly fine. I’m over it and I’m over you,” I said.

The cab stopped and I got in, hoping to leave the whole night and Christian behind me. But he followed me in.

“Where to?” the driver asked.

I looked at Christian expectantly.

“To your place?” he said.

“Fine,” I said and told the driver my address.

We hooked up. I can only remember snippets, but I know it wasn’t great. And I woke up really sore. Christian went back to his hotel right after we finished and didn’t reach out to me the rest of the weekend. And that made me feel like a prostitute. So I sent him a scathing message about how I’d been used and he needed to pay up for my services. He didn’t reply.

Anyway, the whole time Brady was out of the country he sent me pictures of all of his endeavors and crazy things he ate. It confused me because at the time, we didn’t actually text very much and definitely didn’t send each other pictures. But we grew kind of close while he was away and when he came to pick up Tucker when he got back, he stayed and told me about his trip. For five hours.

And the next day, we got dinner together and that weekend, he invited me to go to the gym with him. And obviously he only invited me because he wanted to see me (we all know I don’t do the gym). Afterwards, we took our sweaty asses back to my place so I could make us waffles.

Brady and I were hanging out quite a bit, usually once or twice a week (a lot when we went months without talking at all), but then Preston sent me a screenshot from Tia’s Instagram. Obviously we blocked each other so I don’t have access to her ugly photos.

It was a picture of Tia and Brady with two guys I didn’t recognize. They were at a Cubs game decked out in all their Cubs gear. Brady had sunglasses and a Cubs windbreaker on – one I’ve never seen. So immediately I started thinking he must have gone shopping just for the occasion and that he and Tia planned on going to other games together. And I was sick to my stomach. Why is Brady so attracted to girls I hate? Like, I would probably physically fight Tia if I saw her in person again.

After that I felt inspired to check Brady’s tagged Instagram photos just to see what I would find. I was shocked to see a picture of him with a different Asian girl (and so much cuter than Tia) at a bar. The caption was the double pink heart emoji. Excuse me? I clicked on her page and found out that she’s a nurse at the same hospital Brady works at which surprised me because she has this dyed red hair that doesn’t seem very professional or hospital friendly.

So now I know I have no right to be mad, but I am. And so when Brady texts me I’ve been super short and cold and distant and he doesn’t even seem to notice. Probably because he’s so distracted with his other girls. I feel betrayed. We are supposed to hang out this weekend and he keeps texting me with plans and I should cancel and want to, but I also really want to hang out with him. Why Tia of all people? She’s so slimy and disgusting and I can’t stop thinking of her shaving her pubic hair into shapes. How tacky. And she’s a thief and that’s so unattractive in my opinion.

I miss y’all! Obviously I have a ton more to share, but I wanted to at least get something up right now. What’s new? Who misses me too? 


i really want a grilled cheese.

After Brady let me have Tucker for a week, we started talking a little more regularly. He seemed to need to bitch about his mom because she was being a little more ridiculous than normal. Hunter and Dom are having issues – she’s done a complete lifestyle change (Brady couldn’t explain it when I asked him to elaborate) and Hunter is so against it that he reached out to their mother for advice. Imagine how desperate you’d have to be to need her help. And their mom took it upon herself to constantly lecture Brady about Hunter’s relationship mistakes. He says it’s awful.

“What did she say about me?” I asked, because I know the woman had a mouthful to say about my and my influence on Brady’s life.

Brady didn’t make eye contact. “Nothing. We didn’t talk about you.”

And we all know Brady is a bad liar, but I couldn’t even bring myself to care because their opinions don’t count to me anymore.

One Friday night though, we met up to get pizza and beer after work. After we finished our pie plus three pitchers of beer, Brady said some of his friends were at a bar nearby and invited me to tag along. And usually I was spending my weekends with Kendra and the baby, getting drunk on wine and then falling asleep on their couch so I agreed to go.

Brady introduced me to a couple of people then we grabbed a spot at the bar and ignored everyone else. It kind of felt like old times when Brady and I would spend all of our time at the bar getting drunk and loving on each other – like very early on in our relationship.

While we were talking I realized that I hadn’t seen my phone in a while and as a girl who is addicted to her phone, I freaked out and dug into my bag to get it. I literally gasped when I saw that I had a new message from Zach. It was hard, but I hadn’t spoken to him at all in about a month and he stopped texting me and calling me since I hadn’t been responding.

“Everything okay?” Brady asked with an amused look on his face.

I nodded and rolled my eyes. I hoped he couldn’t tell I was breaking out in a sweat.

I opened the message and saw that Zach had messaged me, “Hey, you out tonight?”

I felt this wild, frantic sensation like I needed to respond to him right away. I hadn’t heard from him in a month and I’d stopped thinking about him as much, but even with Brady standing right in front of me, I couldn’t move my fingers fast enough to respond to him.

“At a bar in Lincoln Park. Where are you?” I said back.

“I could meet up with you shortly if you want,” he said.

I smiled. The opportunity couldn’t have come quicker in the conversation.

“After you ditch Kelsey and the cat?” I said back.

Zach read the message and then tried responding a few times before I locked my phone and put it back in my purse.

Brady and I had a couple more drinks at the bar then told his friends we were leaving. We walked out and went across the street to another bar where we only stayed for one drink.

“So what do you want to do after this?” Brady asked.

I shrugged. “We should get food. I really want a grilled cheese.”

We finished our drinks and walked to Brady’s house while he ordered grilled cheese on UberEATS. Tucker was ecstatic to see me and even more excited that his parents were together. I kicked off my shoes and plopped on the couch and waited for my food to arrive. I noticed that Brady’s place looked immaculate – so much cleaner than when I lived there. He probably hated having me and all my stuff as a roommate.

I pulled out my phone again and saw that Zach had finally replied.

“I just left dinner. Are you still at the bar?” he said.

“I know you have no plans of leaving your wife anytime soon and I’m not interested in being your side piece. You ought to be ashamed of yourself for dragging me all across the country to your family’s properties where I’m sure you’ve spent a ton of time with Kelsey too. You’re a loser.”

I laughed at myself for calling him a loser.

“The food will be here in three minutes,” Brady announced. “Do you want anything to drink?”

“A vodka tonic,” I called out.

Zach replied, “What? Let’s meet and talk. I think you have the wrong impression of me.”

Brady returned with my drink and then went outside to wait for the food. I reread my messages with Zach and I started bawling. I felt betrayed and hurt, but mostly annoyed with myself for not only getting into the situation but letting it hurt me like that.

When Brady returned, I was crying into Tucker’s fur.

“Uh, are you okay?” he asked.

I didn’t answer him and just grabbed the food from his hands. I think Brady was a little weirded out and didn’t know what to say so he just sat down next to me.

“I miss you,” I blurted out. “I’m sorry for being such a huge bitch all the time. I don’t know how to be a good girlfriend.”

“You don’t have to apologize,” Brady said.

We ate our food in silence (aside from the sounds of Tucker whining for us to share). When we were done, Brady took all our trash to the kitchen and when he returned, I stood up and threw my arms around him. He probably thought I was fucking crazy. But when I pulled away, Brady kissed me – with our cheesy garlicky breath and all.

“I miss you too,” he said.

“You shouldn’t,” I told him.

He smiled. Brady is honestly so adorable that it hurts. Like how could anyone ever be mean to him? Myself included. At that point I was comparing him to Zach and thinking out of all the things I thought he did, he never hurt me like Zach did and I just don’t think Brady is capable of that.

So we hooked up. Not my proudest moment, but I guess it’s what can be expected at 2 am after a long evening of drinking and my conversation with Zach.

I woke up the next morning in Brady’s white bed. My pillow was covered in mascara and eyeliner. Brady was still sleeping facing away from me. I laid there staring at the back of his perfect head until my creepiness seemed to wake him up. He stirred a bit and then turned and saw me watching him.

“Oh. Hey, Reese,” he said, smiling.

“I’m sorry,” I said immediately. I felt like I was invading his personal space and life by being there.

“For what?” Brady asked with his brow furrowed.

“For last night and for still being here. Thanks for the grilled cheese though,” I said.

“Thanks for hanging out with me,” he said.

I guess I was just dying to talk to someone about it, but I told him about Zach. I spared him the gorey details (the vacations, jewelry, pregnancy scare, etc) and he just looked at me for a minute.

“That’s tough,” he finally said. “I’m sure you didn’t go into it wanting to hurt someone or get hurt yourself.”

“Obviously, but I did.”

“Well don’t beat yourself up about it. It sounds like you realized your mistake and got yourself out of it. That’s about the most you can do at this point.”

I think the thing I miss most about Brady is how sweet and positive he is. I mean, he has his days like the rest of us, but overall he’s such a nice guy. But I don’t think he appreciated my story because he got up and asked if I wanted a ride home. Basically kicking me out. And I happily accepted the ride.

Later on in the day, I was out drinking margaritas with Preston and decided to text Brady for a follow up. Not to be like thirsty or anything, just so he’d know things weren’t weird.

I did something else bad. I made out with Scott. In his office. We were the only two to stay late one evening and it was one of those things that I knew was completely wrong when I was doing it, but I didn’t stop. I told myself it was fun enough and that I’d deal with the consequences later. Things have been back to normal since (me ignoring him, him sending passive aggressive emails), but I think we just needed to get it out of our system.

I don’t really have anything else to share. Brady is traveling overseas for two weeks so I’m keeping Tucker and I’ve been staying home with him so I haven’t had much of a social life. But y’all remember Christian from Houston? He will be in Chicago over the weekend and we’re hanging out. It’ll be nice to see someone drama free. I’ll keep you posted.

P.S. Thank y’all so much for the sweet emails, tweets and comments! I’ll try to come back to blogging regularly again, but it’ll take some time to get back into it. Love you!!!!


should i download tinder?

In addition to everything else, I’ve been swamped with work. Mike suddenly wants me in charge of everything, constantly emailing me to check the progress of projects I’m not even a part of or know about. And since he seemed to think I knew about everything gong on in the office, I didn’t want to let him down and took it upon myself to get involved in everything. And the more work I took on, the more frustrated Scott got. I don’t know why, probably just because he’s Scott, but he started being kind of standoffish. This girl, Jamie, recently got promoted and Scott would send out emails like, “Only Jamie and I are allowed to handle this account. I want to keep it under control so I can’t have anyone else involved.”

Like, okay Scott. Go fuck yourself. So we avoided each other for a week until I got annoyed with walking on eggshells at work and finally confronted him.

“Hey,” I said, walking into his office. “Anything you want help with?”

Scott didn’t look up at me, but shook his head. “No, I can handle it over here.”

I was so frustrated that I just walked out without saying anything. But then later that night after work, I texted him, “Hey, is everything okay? You seem distant lately.”

Really, both of us were avoiding each other, but I was acting like it was completely one sided.

Scott replied, “I have a lot going on, but things are fine. Thank you for asking.”

I read the message and didn’t respond, but Scott continued texting me.

“Any plans this evening? I have friends in town and we are headed to a wine tasting. You’re always welcome.”

No, thank you. I hung out with Scott outside of work a few weeks ago with some other coworkers. He spent the evening telling everyone how talented I am and how I shouldn’t be single because I’m so good looking and amazing. It was really awkward and I just felt like everyone would assume that Scott and I had an inappropriate relationship going on by the things he was saying. So I was avoiding him at work and outside of work.

But now I’m working more closely with Mike and it’s nice because I feel kind of important. I love that he comes to me with questions (instead of Scott) and then tells Scott my ideas and how he wants to implement them. So it kind of feels like Mike and I vs. Scott and Jamie most of the times.

I haven’t really spoken to Zach much. I know that he knows I’m mad at him, but instead of asking me what’s going on, he sends me internet memes. And he sends old memes that I’ve already seen because he’s a little bit older and doesn’t have Instagram. But I usually just leave him on read. He did invite me to dinner one night.

“I want you. Dinner and then back to your place?” Zach texted me.

So I guess his wife wasn’t putting out that night.

I replied, “No, thank you,” and he said, “Okay.”

And then the next morning he continued sending me internet memes. Like what a loser.

I was so distracted by Zach that I didn’t really ever think about Brady (or Tucker even). But he called me last week. When I saw his name pop up, I immediately got really hot and felt like I was going to vomit because I was so nervous. After the whole Christmas party thing, Brady texted me a couple times, but I didn’t care to respond because I was so preoccupied with Zach.

“Hi,” I answered, like I wasn’t shocked and surprised that he was calling.

“Hey, Reese. How are you?” Brady said.

And he sounded so formal and polite and nice that I just about melted.

“I’m fine. What’s up?”

“Leaving work,” he told me. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 4:40 PM. Early for Brady. “I’m sorry this is so last minute, but I’ll be gone for the next three days and I wanted to see if you’d like to keep Tucker during that time? And you could even keep him through the weekend if you want.”

I literally squealed. “Of course I will! I miss my little Tuck and I know he misses me too.”

Brady laughed. “Yeah, he does. We both do.”

I didn’t catch that last piece at the time and continued making arrangements for Brady to drop off Tucker at my apartment the next afternoon (Valentine’s Day).

I was still wearing my clothes from work when I opened the door for Brady, but he had changed into jeans. He looked really good. Tucker was on a leash and patiently sitting, waiting to be let in.

“Oh my God, hiiiii!” I screamed and bent down to give Tucker some loving. He immediately rolled over on his back and sucked it all up.

“Hello,” Brady said.

I looked up at him. “Look at how much Tucker has missed me. How cruel and evil of you to keep us away from each other.”

Brady laughed and then to my surprise, he pulled a single red rose from behind his back. I raised my eyebrows and he said, “It’s from Tucker.”

I stood up and took it from him. “Thanks.” I turned and walked back inside. They followed.

Brady seemed to take a look around at my apartment and then said, “No plans this evening?”

“Not yet,” I told him, wondering if he would take the bait.

He said, “Ah.” He had brought a little drawstring bag full of Tucker’s goodies and sat it on the kitchen counter.

“Where are you going this week?” I had to ask.

“Work stuff,” Brady said, not making eye contact and I automatically knew he was lying. I assumed he was taking a girl on a Valentine’s Day trip.

So I spent the week trying to figure out where Brady was and that proved difficult because he doesn’t use social media. I even asked Preston for help since he basically doubles as a private investigator. He couldn’t find anything either.

But Brady is coming by tomorrow after work to pick up Tucker and I’m super sad and thinking about blocking his number so I can keep the dog. Is that bad? I don’t care.

You know what else has been keeping my mind occupied? Kendra had a fucking baby! A real life, breathing mini human. It’s so weird and creepy. And since she’s not working and the baby sleeps literally all day, she’s bored and texts me a lot. It’s kind of cute, she’s just now catching up on everything that’s been happening in the world that she missed while busy and pregnant. It’s a little girl and she’s actually stunning, like the most beautiful baby I’ve ever seen. I was kind of afraid she would get some of John’s tragic genes, but she’s beautiful just like Kendra. It kind of makes me want one.

Anyway, I’m thinking about downloading some dating apps. Which ones would y’all recommend? I’m not looking for a new boyfriend or anything, I’m just super bored now and want someone to talk to. I miss y’all! What’s new?! 


an update. 

Hi y’all.

I’m sorry for not being around. I really want to write and share everything going on in my life, but it’s been hard. It’s hard to find the time and also blogging and this blog reminds me so much of Brady. And I’ve impressed myself with how little I’ve been thinking about him.

Probably because I have a distraction. I told y’all that I’ve been seeing someone who I shouldn’t. He’s married. I met him at a birthday party for one of Kendra’s husband John’s friends. She was feeling sorry for me and trying to push me back into the social world and I reluctantly accepted. It was being held at a new restaurant here in Chicago and I knew that I would never get the opportunity to go otherwise because I had no men in my life. Woe is me.

Let’s call him Zach. The first thing I noticed about him was the thick, trendy titanium wedding band on his finger. And then I noticed his suit. It was navy and fit impeccably (I thought men didn’t wear navy suits anymore). He’s a businessman, works in finance at a huge office not far from mine. That’s how we began talking. Where were the good places for lunch takeout, for happy hour after work, the best way to get to O’Hare for a Friday redeye after a long week. I was thinking, “Okay, he’s a nice guy, but too bad he’s married.”

And I’ll admit it, he was really, really hot. Not in a Ryan Reynolds kind of way. He was a bit older, scruffier, with big rough hands and a buzz cut. Like a man you marry kind of hot. And someone did.

I wasn’t surprised at all when he suggested we exchange business cards, but I did assume it was innocent. The man was married and obviously off limits, and that was fine with me.

He emailed later that saying it was nice to meet me. I sent a polite response with a winking emoji and then we just kept emailed each other. And I’m honestly not even sure how it all happened, but we started spending a lot of time together. At first it was just drinks after work. His coworkers would be there and we’d hang out until midnight and we were shitfaced. The second time we ever hung out, he explained that he and his wife were married just for convenience. They’d been married for just a couple years, but the love was gone. They still got along very well and could cohabitate, but separating or divorcing was just not necessary at the time. He said they even stayed in separate bedrooms.

“She’s a nice woman and any man would be lucky to end up with her. But it’s just not me. I’m not attracted her anymore,” he explained.

I should’ve known better than to believe that. Who stays in a marriage just because they are too lazy to separate? That’s not a life anyone would be willing to live. But I was heartbroken and vulnerable and loved having attention from a man, even if he was a taken one.

The first time we hung out alone, it was on a Friday night after work. We had both stayed pretty late at the our respective offices and had worked through lunch and blah blah blah. He invited me to grab a quick bite to eat and I accepted. A little too eagerly.

Something at that dinner changed our dynamic. It was like we were inseparable. And since he’d explained his marriage situation, I figured I wasn’t doing anything wrong. He came back to my place and we proceeded to have the best sex probably ever (the wine and vodka helped). I was hooked.

Zach got me diamonds for Christmas. And ditched his wife and their friends to hang out with me on New Year’s Eve. We made a pizza and sat on my couch drinking tequila and it was the best New Year’s Eve I’ve ever had. He took me to his family’s vacation house in Miami one weekend. He took me to his family’s snowy Michigan home another weekend. Zach usually told me that his wife was doing things with her girlfriends or family and that she wasn’t worried about what he was doing. The only thing I knew about her was that her name is Kelsey and she’s small and blonde (there was a picture hanging at the Michigan house and I took once glance at it and decided not to study it or care about it).

Kelsey would text Zach sometimes when we were out, but not a lot and I figured she was just giving him vital updates about the home they share. Once he was showing me something on his phone and a text notification from her dropped down. She had sent him a couple heart eye emojis and he didn’t try to hide it and neither of us acknowledged it and I assumed it didn’t mean anything.

I even had a pregnancy scare. I was upset about it and a huge bitch, but Zach was surprisingly really supportive about it. I turned out not to be pregnant, thank God, but Zach was really sweet and told me that maybe it wasn’t meant to be right now, but one day I’m going to be a great mother and he hoped he could share that with me. We made a lot of plans for the future. Like even for this spring and summer. He says there are so many places he wants to show me. He said he and Kelsey want to finally divorce this year and do their own things and I was just excited not to have to work around her schedule, you know?

Zach made me super happy and definitely distracted me from Brady (when I was with Zach, I forgot Brady even existed). I didn’t tell any of my friends about him except Preston because Preston of all people would understand the situation and not just judge me and tell me that I was being stupid and naive. I didn’t want to hear that, not when I was so happy. And of course, Preston just wanted the dirty details and to dissect everything (“Is Kelsey seeing other people too? Does his family know he’s taking his mistress on a tour of their vacation houses? Is his dick big?”)

Last week Preston sent me a picture from an Instagram. It was from Kelsey’s Instagram story and it was of Zach holding a little baby kitten. She’d typed, “Finally completed our family!”

My stomach dropped. It was then that I realized that Zach was still very much married and had no plans of separating this woman. They weren’t just married for convenience or simply roommates, they were a couple who had taken vows and just bought a pet together. I was devastated. I realized that whatever Zach and I had, he would always have more with Kelsey.

And now I see him much differently. I always thought it was a little lame to say they were still married because getting a divorce would be too much work, but now I think he’s a huge coward for stringing me along and lying.

Maybe because it was such a whirlwind romance or because I was so vulnerable, but this feels much worse than my breakup with Brady. Like I just don’t understand how I can be the same after this. Zach always said he will always love me no matter what happens and he hopes I feel the same. I don’t know if he spoke that into existence, but I care about him more than I should especially now.

So now I don’t know what to do. I haven’t seen him since last week and I’ve been avoiding him even though he hasn’t asked to see me or anything. I know he can tell something is off, but won’t acknowledge it…because he’s a coward.

I miss y’all so much. And don’t kill me, but I miss Brady too. Everything he did seems so minor compared to this. I don’t think he deliberately strung me along or tried to hurt me, but I know that I need to be done with them both.


we will never be together again.

Hey y’all.

I’m all settled into my new apartment. It’s weird being alone all the time because I’m so used to Brady coming home and making dinner and having to clean up after myself. But now I’m back to having meals delivered and keeping my laundry in piles on the floor. I did hire a lady to come every two weeks to tidy up though.

When I moved out of Brady’s place, it was super amicable and almost like we weren’t breaking up. It felt like I had to move because his sick grandmother was moving in and we were all okay with it because it was the right thing to do. Or something. My dad even took us out for drinks after a long day’s work and we all laughed and had fun and Brady put his arm around me and kissed me. In front of my dad!

After my dad left though, we stopped texting and talking. I was beyond confused about everything and I wanted to have a reason to hate him and be done. I felt like if I hated him then it would be a lot easier to not be with him.

Randomly, one day at work, Brady texted me, “Dan’s friend from college is having an ugly sweater party if you want to come.”

And I texted back asking for the details and then I told him I’d go. I figured if he was taking the time to ask me (after not talking for that long) then he probably wanted to see me as much as I wanted to see him. So I got on Google and found the cutest ugly sweater I could find (think every color in the rainbow + sequins). The party was in the evening so I spent the day with Preston, who has been super busy with work and life. He might get engaged soon though which sucks because then I’ll literally be the only one left. But I’m happy for him.

Brady texted me around 6:30 PM saying, “Want to meet up?”

Of course I’d been waiting all day to hear from him so I quickly finished up my drink and told Preston that I needed to get going.

“So soon?” Preston asked.

I felt a bit bad for ditching him, but I was thirsty and wanted to see Brady. So I quickly hugged Preston goodbye, called an Uber and headed to the party. The place was trashed, but somewhat tame so I figured the party was dying down at that point. I spotted Brady standing in the kitchen looking at his phone. He was alone and I rushed over to him.

“Hey you,” I greeted him.

Brady looked up and gave me this look that made my heart start beating faster.

“Hey. How are you?” Brady asked. His voice was slightly hoarse which was weird, but I assumed he must have been sick or recovering from being sick. And that made me miss him even more for some reason.

“Great. I thought it would be crazier here,” I said.

“Yeah, it was,” Brady smirked. “You look cute.”

I beamed.

We stood there hanging out for a little bit. He told me about work and how he’d been invited to work on a project at the university, but wasn’t sure if he wanted to commit to it.

“It’s weird not having you around,” he admitted.

I shrugged, not about to get into the fact that he was eager to help me leave and hadn’t really made an effort to talk to me after I was gone. “Weird, yes.”

Brady looked at me and ran a hand over his hair like he was thinking and started to say something, but then Dan walked over steadily carrying three shots.

“Reese! Hey! One of my favorite drinking buddies!” he greeted me. Dan handed each of us a shot of Fireball and kept one for himself. Why do people insist on making Fireball a thing? Annoying.

We took our shot and then this girl showed up behind Dan. She was about my height, dark hair, wearing a tank top that showed off huge (real) tits and a Santa hat.

“Hey!” Brady greeted her.

“There you are,” she said. “I thought I’d lost you.”

Brady smiled and put his arm around her and said, “Never!”

The entire exchange was a little weird, but I figured he must have been pretty freaking drunk.

“This is Reese,” he introduced us, but I don’t remember him saying her name.

She shook my hand. “You’re gorgeous. And that sweater is amazing.”

I was pretty drunk by this point, but still decided to play nice. I thanked her then proceeded to tell her all about how I’d found my sweater and all the other sweaters I turned down during my shopping journey.

She and Brady continued chatting amongst themselves, acting like no one else was there. So I was forced to talk to Dan for a little while until the girl he’s seeing showed up. So then I just stood there glaring at Brady, but he didn’t even seem to notice. I was just thinking, “Who is this girl and why is he wasting his time talking to her and not me? We haven’t seen each other in forever.” But I was also drunk and really sad.

I’m not sure how much time passed, but eventually I realized that Brady and the girl had walked away. I quickly started to look around to try to find them and that’s when I spotted them walking through the front room toward the door. The girl was leading and Brady was behind her, drinking a beer. He glanced around and we made eye contact, but then he looked away like he didn’t even know me. It was so weird and uncomfortable and made my stomach drop to my feet.

It took a couple minutes for it to sink in and for me to realize what had happened. I took out my phone and texted Brady, “Did you just ditch me?”

I stared at my phone for ten minutes until he read my message and then didn’t reply. I texted him again, “What the fuck? Seriously Brady?” and still no response.

Dan swung back around, looking for Brady then he asked how my life has been. I burst into tears. I’m sure Dan probably thought I was a drunk lunatic (congrats, Dan, you’re correct), but I didn’t even care. Eventually I realized how crazy I looked so I called an Uber and went home.

Brady actually never texted me back about that. The next morning I woke up expecting him to at least apologize or blame it on the alcohol or something, but I didn’t hear from him. So then I got angry. We aren’t together, but I thought I at least deserved not to get ditched.

Anyway, I’m sorry about being MIA. I’m talking to someone else now who I shouldn’t even be talking to and he’s taking up a lot of my time and energy and I don’t know how to stop. I don’t want to talk about Brady anymore or even think about him and that’s why it took so long for me to get this post up. I’ll be back soon. 


i hope this isn’t the end. 

Brady said I’m the most selfish person he’s ever met. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised, but I was. But it did inspire me to be better. No one wants to hear that, especially from the person who they are supposed to marry.

I told him that I think I should move out and we should just do our own thing for a while. And he said, “I don’t care what you do, Reese. You are going to do what you want regardless of what I think anyway. You’re the most selfish person I’ve ever met.”

But let me backtrack. We’d already had prior plans to go to Massachusetts for Brady’s dad’s party the weekend after the election. Luckily we were talking more and neither of us even mentioned canceling. On the flight there, Brady talked a lot about work and how stressful and exciting it’s been. It was nice that he was actually talking to me and telling me about his life because I can’t even remember the last time he did that. Usually it’s “hello” and “goodbye” and “I’m going to pick up dinner, do you want anything?”

Brady’s parents sent a car to pick us up from the Boston airport because they’d be arriving after us. So it was weird to be in Brady’s parents house without them. Like even quieter and spookier. And I was freaked out that his mom had hidden cameras everywhere and was watching us remotely for ammo to use against me later. I don’t know.

Brady found a bottle of whiskey and made Old Fashioneds.

“Hunter’s coming. He will be here tomorrow,” Brady said as he next to me at the island. “Last minute decision. Dom and the kids are staying home.”

I wrinkled my nose. “I’m surprised. He hates coming here more than you do.”

Brady shrugged. “I’m sure he just needs an escape.”

I had some snide remarks I wanted to say, but maturity. I nodded. “What time do you think your parents will get here?”

He said, “Probably soon.”

It was about 8:30 at that time so we sat at the island and had a couple more drinks for the next hour. We were happy and tipsy when we noticed lights pulling into the driveway.

“They’re here!” I squealed, as if that was anything to be excited about.

Brady stood up and started cleaning up our cups and the liquor and I stood up to greet the parents at the door.

Brady’s mom opened the door and looked startled to see me.

“Hi, welcome home,” I said and giggled.

She just scowled at me. Brady’s dad followed her in behind the driver who had their luggage.

“Hello! How are you?” the dad said, immediately pulling me into a hug. Such a nice guy.

Brady joined us in the foyer and his mom immediately began questioning him. I could tell Brady was drunk and annoyed because he began mumbling answers and rolling his eyes.

“I’m sure you’re tired. I’ll make you a cup of tea?” I said to Brady’s parents.

His mom raised her eyebrows at me and walked past us toward the kitchen. Guess not.

The four of us sat around the island for a little while talking. Brady’s mom mostly just asked Brady about work and nodded proudly at how well he’s doing. There was a short lull in the conversation and Brady’s dad cut in and said, “What’s new with you, Reese? Is work going okay?”

“Of course,” I said. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Things must be more than okay if you’ve stayed this long,” Brady’s mom said cutting her eyes toward me.

Little does she know that I’ve been low key browsing job boards just to see what’s out there.

I slept downstairs in my little dungeon room that night and for the first time, I didn’t sneak up to Brady’s room and he didn’t sneak down to me. So I read on my tablet until I fell asleep.

The next morning, Brady and I took one of the cars to Boston to pick Hunter up from the airport. On the way back, we stopped to get alcohol to get us through the day and night. Obviously we’d need it.

We all went to dinner in the city before the party that night. I could tell Brady’s mom disapproved of my midi bodycon dress, but I didn’t even care because I looked cute and she doesn’t matter anymore. It was Hunter’s turn to be on the hot seat as their parents grilled him about his work and Dom and the kids.

Eventually Hunter said, “Everything is fine. The wife is fine. The babies are fine. It’s cool. Chill.”

I smirked at him. Brady would literally never dismiss his mother like that, but I wish he would.

Also for the first time, Anna was not at the party. I asked Brady if she was going to be there when we walked in and he said, “Uh, I don’t know actually. I think she’s traveling this month.”

Ever since our little rendezvous, I noticed that Brady and Anna stopped talking as much. She still emailed him and stuff, but his responses were short if he even responded at all.

I looked out for her a little bit when we first got there, but forgot about her as we started drinking.

Brady announced that he needed to go to the restroom and I told him I’d go with him because I’m just annoying like that. It was a single stall and I touched up my makeup while Brady did his business. When he was finished, I confronted him about us being on a break.

“Honestly, I think breaks are stupid and I don’t believe in them. So either you want to break up or not,” I said.

He shrugged as he washed his hands.

And that’s when I brought up the whole moving out thing. I honestly did think it’s probably best that I move out, but I also just wanted to gauge his reaction. And that’s when he called me selfish.

“How am I selfish? What else am I supposed to do?” I exclaimed.

“I don’t care. Do whatever you want, Reese,” Brady said and then he walked out.

I stayed in the bathroom for a little while, texting Kendra. She was complaining about being pregnant and the baby and I felt ridiculous for being drunk and fighting with Brady. Like, will I ever grow up? So I didn’t mention it.

I went back out to the party and found Brady and Hunter. Brady didn’t even look at me.

“There you are, little lady. We’re headed to the bar,” Hunter said.

And I didn’t really have a choice, but go with them. What else was I supposed to do, stay at the party and hang out with Brady’s parents? No thank you.

We Ubered a couple miles away to a bar where Hunter knew the bouncers. Brady had to go to the bathroom again immediately and Hunter and I told him we would meet him at the bar and order him a drink.

“Your brother is so mean sometimes,” I told him.

Hunter’s eyebrows shot up. “Really? Why do you say that?”

I explained to him what happened in the bathroom and then backtracked and explained the situations with Scott and Christian.

“Look, Brady is sensitive as shit. You know that. He’ll relax soon,” Hunter said. “In fact, let’s get him a shot.”

Brady kind of just ignored me all night. Luckily Hunter was going out of his way to include me because he knew what Brady was doing. At one point, Brady went to the bar to get a beer and Hunter put his arm around my waist.

“Cheer up. He’s gonna come around,” he said. I could tell he was really drunk because his eyes were creepy and low. I pulled away from him.

And then later, Hunter said, “Hey, don’t be upset. Brady is being an idiot. You’re hot. He’s going to keep you around.”

Um, wtf. And Brady was standing right there next to us. What a fucked up thing to say. I thought Hunter was more mature than that (remember that conversation we had about Dom when I first met him?), but obviously boys will be boys.

It pissed me off though. Not that Hunter owes me anything. But like, dismissing my concerns about Brady because I’m hot? Ew.

Carly got married. I can’t roll my eyes hard enough. She was a huge bridezilla bitch the week before the wedding and it annoyed me. I wanted to be like, “You don’t even want to marry Chris, you just want a wedding.” But that’s mean.

Brady and I didn’t really talk or see each other much that week, but I’d been looking at apartments. I texted Hunter something like, “He still isn’t talking to me,” and Hunter sent back some confused face .gif.

We put on a pretty convincing show at the wedding, pretending nothing was wrong. Carly’s mom even mentioned us being next. But then at the reception all of us got really drunk. The four of us plus some of Brady and Chris’s friends were hanging out and I heard Chris say, “So Brady man, are you getting any pussy tonight?”


I was drunk and had a delayed reaction, but pushed Chris when I realized what he said. Brady laughed. And when I woke up on Sunday morning, I decided that I am for sure 100% moving out. And I was so distraught by what Chris said that I grabbed Preston and we ditched the party to go to Boystown.

So I’m moving into my place next weekend. I’m really, really sad about it, but I think it’ll be good for me. I couldn’t move this past weekend because I was in Houston, but now my dad is going to come help me on Friday.

It sucks. I feel like I wasted all that time with Brady and now I’m back to where I started. If we were mad at each other, it would feel different, but he’s being nice, cordial and even offered to help me get all my shit out (but he told my dad he would help which is worse). So now it really feels over.

I needed to get out of Chicago so I went home to Houston for Thanksgiving. I haven’t gone home in forever and it felt kind of nice to do the whole family thing. I decided to stay with my mom because she was so incredibly excited that I was coming and I figured she (we) could use the company.

And obviously, when I was in Houston I saw Christian. I’d had such an awful day on the Wednesday before that I drank until I passed out on the flight. I Ubered to my mom’s, changed into a dress and met Brittany at a restaurant opening.

She squealed and threw her arms around me. “You look so good! How are you?” I noticed her checking behind me (probably looking for Brady because I hadn’t told her anything) and then look back at me with a sympathetic smile.

We met up with Christian later at a club where his friend was DJing. Christian knows pretty much everyone in the music industry in Houston. He too pulled me into a hug, kissed my cheek and kept a hand on my lower back the whole night. So if Brittany hadn’t caught on by then, she definitely did now.

I went home fairly early, but Christian and I made plans to see each other the next morning – without Brittany. We went to breakfast and then back to his studio so he could work.

Christian sat down at his computer and said, “So tell me what’s up?” without even looking at me.

That kind of irritated me, but I wasn’t about to say anything and start drama so early on.

“Not a whole lot. I’m moving into my apartment next weekend so… you’ll be able to come visit me,” I said.

“Good. I’d like to do that,” Christian said, grabbing my knee, but not looking over at me. He noticed I didn’t say anything and finally looked at me. “I’d like to see more of you.”

I hung out with him for a couple hours while he worked and he showed me some of his work. Eventually we needed to go be with our respective families, but we made plans for dinner on Friday night. On my way out, Christian grabbed me and kissed me on my forehead which almost felt more intimate than my lips.

I spent Thanksgiving with my mom only because both sets of grandparents were on vacation and that’s really the only other family I have. My dad texted me telling me “Happy Thanksgiving,” but when I replied asking what was doing I never got an answer. And when I told my mom, she assured me that he was with his girlfriend.

“He doesn’t have a girlfriend, Mom,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Y’all aren’t even divorced.”

After spending the night with Christian on Friday and all day Saturday, I decided to go clubbing with Brittany on Saturday night. I was enjoying his company a little too much and I already knew I was going to be devastated having to go back to Chicago and be ignored by Brady. So I thought a blackout night was in store.

Brittany is talking to this older real estate investor who has like a ton of money. He had a table at the club and Brittany and I were taking advantage of the bottle service.

Do y’all remember my story about Trevor, the guy I hooked up with when we were in high school? I saw him out and I don’t think I’ve ever been more excited to run into someone. I was walking back from the bathroom and he recognized me first.

“Reese?” he asked in a really surprised voice.

“Oh my God!” I exclaimed and threw my arms around him. “What are you doing here?”

“What?” he shouted back.

“How are you?” I asked.

Trevor pointed to his ear indicating that he couldn’t hear me so I grabbed his arm and pulled him to the bathroom corridor where it was quieter.

“What’s up? How are you? It’s so good to see you,” I said.

“It’s good to see you, too. You look great.” Trevor gave me an appreciative nod after glancing over my body.

We stood there for probably 10-15 minutes talking about life (can’t even remember what), and eventually he said his friends were leaving soon so he needed to get going.

“Okay, well we will talk soon, okay?” I said. And then we both leaned in and kissed each other. This lasted a couple of seconds and then Trevor grabbed my shoulders and pulled away.

“I was going to kiss you on the cheek,” he laughed. “I have a girlfriend and she has spies everywhere.”

“I was going to kiss you on the cheek, too!” I lied and then shrugged. “Sorry.”

I headed back to our table and to my surprise, Christian had showed up. I hadn’t invited him or told him where I was. I still jumped in his lap nevertheless.

“Oh my gosh, missed you!” I said kissing him, just two minutes after kissing Trevor.

We made out there for a little bit and then Brittany called us for a picture. I knew it would absolutely end up on Facebook within seconds, but I didn’t care. I flipped my hair over my shoulder and smiled big for her.

We stayed until the bouncers were literally kicking people out and then I demanded to go get food. IHOP was the only thing open which I was okay with. Christian, Brittany, Brittany’s man and I grabbed a booth and ordered half the menu.

“So, are you going to go back to Chicago and forget about me?” Christian asked me.

I shook my head. “Of course not. I’m going to visit so much. Just watch.”

But on the plane ride home, I realized that I was probably just wasting both of our time. I hate going to Houston, especially with my parents fighting like this.

So I’ve been kind of short with him since getting back and making every excuse to why I can’t FaceTime (but Brady being in the other room is actually a pretty valid reason).

Speaking of Brady, he wants to keep custody of Tucker and give me visitation rights which I think is so unfair. I’m the only one who ever takes Tucker out for walks and buys him things, Brady just plays with him sometimes when he gets off work. He has no idea about Tucker’s routine and what he likes. Why does he think Tucker should stay with him?

I asked and Brady rolled his eyes impatiently. “You can see him whenever you want. You can even keep your key. I’m not going to take Tucker from you.”

And I will definitely take him up on the offer to keep my key.

I’m so depressed. I don’t know how to get over this. I know it’s going to take time, but now it hurts so much that I don’t see how I’m going to make it. I thought Christian would be a good distraction and he was, but now I’m back to reality and in Chicago and in the same house as Brady and Christian couldn’t be farther away. And now I’m even more depressed with the holidays coming up and Brady’s birthday. I’m just like really sad. And I’m having trouble remembering what I was like and I did before Brady. He’s been such a huge part of my life and I’m kind of hoping this isn’t the end. 


i have a confession.

I have a confession. Do y’all remember that guy, Christian, who I met when I was back home in Houston? Well, we’ve been keeping in contact. And I don’t know, I kind of like him. I think with Brady, I love that he inspires me to be better, to do better and to think (he coached me through all of the election shit). But Christian inspires me to be myself. I don’t like him and like, want to be with him (I love Brady), but I guess I’ve been caught up in our own little world.

I don’t why I’m like this y’all. Maybe I’m just not the kind of person who is made for a monogamous relationship. I don’t know when and where to draw the line. I enjoy talking to people. I love making people obsessed with me. I feel like I need that to thrive.

And when Brady caught wind of what was going on with Christian, he suggested we take a break. It wasn’t even that he was mad or frustrated at me, he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I protested, but he insisted and then he pulled out his laptop and started working.

So that’s what got me thinking that maybe something is just wrong with me. And I don’t know how to handle a real life relationship. I sent Brady an email apologizing, asking for forgiveness and assuring him that I wouldn’t do it again. He didn’t reply and then I figured maybe I do need time to think.

The next couple days we didn’t see each other and literally just slept in the bed together because we had to. On Saturday morning, Kendra and John invited us to brunch and we made plans to go like nothing was wrong. On our way there, Brady got a text message and actually smiled at his phone when he read it. He’d gone to a Cubs game the night before with friends (I had no right to ask with who) and I suddenly started to think, maybe he wants this break because he found someone else.

You know that lump you get in your throat when you want to cry, but you can’t? I kind of felt like I was in control of the situation prior to that, like yeah Brady had called for a break, but he was still obsessed with me and hadn’t asked me to move out because our break would be over soon, right?

I was a total mute at brunch and Kendra picked up on it.

“Reese, are you okay? You always have so much to say,” she said.

They all looked at me and Brady even gave me a little smile.

“How rude. Yes I’m okay. I’m just thinking about what I’m going to wear to the bar later,” I said.

That night I went to a bar with Lexi and Scott texted me. He had a friend in town from England and was showing him around River North. And so we ended up at the same bar.

“So nice to finally get to see you outside the confines of that office,” he greeted me.

I rolled my eyes.

“Wait, Reese, your boss is actually hot,” Lexi whispered in my ear.

I probably used to think Scott was hot, but now that I know him not so much. And that accent just doesn’t have the same affect on me that it has on other women.

The four of us hung out at the bar and I noticed that a ring-less Scott and Lexi seemed to be hitting it off. I was having fun so I didn’t care. Until I glanced over and saw Scott standing behind Lexi with his arms wrapped around her waist. Wait, what? And suddenly it dawned on me: maybe Scott isn’t obsessed with me or in love with me. Maybe I was just the closest hot girl he could have an affair with. And since obviously I wasn’t biting, he’d moved on to Lexi. Ew.

“Well I’m gonna go,” I announced.

And to my surprise, Lexi and Scott just waved me off. I called my Uber and went home. I don’t even know what I was feeling. Jealousy? Why was I so grossed out?

When I got home Brady was home and we hooked up. And then after we finished Brady announced that he was going to shower and sleep downstairs. What the fuck? Even though we’d been on a break, we were continuing to sleep in the same bed and even cuddling some nights. So I definitely felt rejected or like he regretted hooking up with me.

After Brady left I saw that Scott had texted me a couple times.

“Hey, where did you go?” and “I need to see you.”

Needless to say I didn’t respond to that.

On Sunday night, Brady and I went to a bar together to watch the game. I don’t know if I just needed to tell someone or what, but I blabbed to him what happened with Scott and Lexi.

“Wait, you met up with your boss at the bar?” he clarified.

“I mean, yeah…” I said, suddenly regretting my story.

Brady gave me a weird look. “Oh.”

“But he’s moved on to Lexi. He’s not interested in me anymore, thank God.”

Brady took a sip of his beer and didn’t say anything. He’s the one who wanted a break so how can he be upset about me hanging out with other people? Especially because I caught him texting Jessica. Jessica. And asking her where she was watching Game 6.

So I have another confession. I stopped taking birth control. And I haven’t told Brady. As far as I know we are still on this stupid break, but we’ve had sex several times. And this sounds bad, but I feel like if I get pregnant then he will have to be with me and not Jessica or whoever else. I say that because he went out the following Tuesday to watch the game, didn’t invite me and came home at almost 3:00 am. And then he immediately got in the shower before even coming to say anything to me. And that led me to believe he must have hooked up with someone. Right? Probably Jessica? Just the thought makes me want to jump off a bridge.

I don’t know. Relationships are stupid and hard. I want nothing more than to be with Brady for eternity. I know y’all don’t believe that and at this point he probably doesn’t either, and I don’t know how to express that to him. Especially since my actions haven’t exactly showed it. I’m so bad at this! And this is why I’ll never get married or be happy. I know everything I’m doing now is super stupid, but I seriously don’t know what to do. The thought of not being with Brady physically hurts.

**If you voted for Trump, please don’t read my blog anymore.

***Update: for those who were asking about the baseball player I dated for a little bit. He may have played for the other Chicago team 🙂 and he is actually no longer on that team either. So no, he’s not a World Series champion now!