pretty people eat too. 

I was in Texas on Tuesday and Wednesday for work and Andrew flew in to visit on Wednesday morning. I wasn’t particularly excited to see him, but I did have a lot of questions to ask him. When he walked into the store, he went straight to the office and greeted me with an unenthusiastic, “Hi Reese.”

I gave him a few minutes to settle in before I bombarded him with my questions. When I did go back to the office, he was on a conference call so I signaled to him that I would be back later. I worked for a few hours by myself until the manager of the store came up to me and said, “What’s wrong with Andrew? He’s being so weird today.”

“Really?” I noticed that Andrew seemed to be avoiding me (but that’s how it’s been the past few weeks), but I thought nothing of it.

I decided to go investigate and found him working on paperwork in the office.

“Hey Andrew,” I said cheerfully.

“Hello Reese,” he said back, not looking up from his paperwork.

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

Andrew sighed. “I do have some things on my mind…”

I really wanted to know what he was thinking about, but didn’t think it was my place to ask. So I just said, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

He finally looked up at me and seemed to consider it for a moment before saying, “I’m okay. Thank you.”

He only worked for about an hour more then he grabbed his stuff and said he was heading out. Andrew was being so weird. I know I always talk about how much I can’t stand him nagging me, but I think I like that more than silent, moody Andrew. It made me so uneasy.

I took Thursday and Friday off so I could move into my new apartment and my mom flew in on Thursday afternoon to help. I picked her up from the airport and the first thing she said was, “Let’s find a happy hour!”

I was like, “Mom! None of my apartment is even packed, we have so much to do!”

But I still drove to my favorite place for margaritas anyway. We ordered a pitcher and chips and queso. I was shoving chips in my mouth when my mom asked, “Is Brady coming?”

Caught off guard, I started choking. Oh yeah. I forgot to mention to my parents that Brady and I broke up.

“He’s at work,” I replied quickly, which was probably the truth.

My mom accepted that answer and asked me how he’s doing and stuff. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that he dumped me. She loves him!

After margs, we went to my apartment and opened a bottle of wine. My mom apparently just got SnapChat (ew) so she wanted to take Snaps of everything. I told her I deleted mine because I already know she would have annoyed me with her Story.

We finally started packing up my things and had to stay up all night so we would have everything ready for the movers on Friday morning. The movers arrived bright and early so my mom and I sat around while they did all the work. It literally took all day for them to finish and we were so exhausted from ordering them around that we showered and then napped on my old bedroom floor.

When we woke up, we decided to go to dinner and I suggested pizza (since we had such a long day). We got a large pizza with a ton of gross toppings and while we waited for it, my mom said, “Where’s Brady? Invite him to dinner!”

“Mom,” I groaned, annoyed with hearing his name. “He’s really busy.”

“Too busy to have pizza with his mother-in-law?” she beamed at this.

“Yes!”

Her smile faded. “Is everything okay with you two? You’re still together, aren’t you?”

“We’re fine.”

“Are you sure?”

I knew this was my opportunity to come clean about everything that happened. I would have to tell her eventually, right?

But I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to have to tell her the whole story and her to tell me that I needed to call him or she would do it for me. So I sighed loudly and said yes and luckily my mom changed the subject and started talking about my dad. I feel bad about not telling my mom the truth, but I didn’t want to disappoint her this trip. Maybe I’ll think of a good way to tell her for next time.

My mom left on Saturday morning and even though I still had a ton of unpacking to do, I decided to get ready and meet Kendra and Carly for brunch. We ordered bottomless mimosas and I got french toast and fresh fruit. The mimosas came out first and I don’t know what the fuck they put in those mimosas, but after two, I was over on Kendra’s side of the booth, consoling her.

She was crying because she was happy. She was happy that even after everything that she and John have been through, that God still wants them to spend their lives together. Kendra is really religious sometimes. I can’t remember our food coming or eating (but I know I did because I uploaded a picture of me taking a bite of french toast to Instagram with the caption, “Pretty people eat too.” No wonder everyone hates me).

The next thing I remember is puking outside the restaurant. Right in the middle of my barf sesh, Kendra and Carly came out of the restaurant and announced that they wanted to go get manicures at a nail salon next door. I somehow made it to the nail salon and into the manicure chair and I told my lady that I wanted a no-chip in whatever color she thought would look good with my skin. She started taking off my old polish and I felt sick again.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” I told her.

She ignored me and continued taking off my nail polish so I literally jumped up and bolted to the back of the salon. After a couple of accidental stops to the waxing rooms, I made it to the bathroom but not quite the toilet. I cleaned up my mess with toilet paper then passed out on the bathroom floor for who knows how long. When I finally peeled myself off the floor and went back out there, Kendra and Carly were sitting under the nail dryer.

“Are you okay, babe?” Carly asked, looking concerned.

I imagine I looked like death at this point. I sure felt like it. I told them I was calling an Uber and went outside to wait for it. Then I proceeded to puke even more out on the sidewalk.

I can’t remember getting home, but I woke up in my bed around 9:00 PM to throw up some more. I’m pretty sure I was poisoned. I literally could not get out of my bed until Sunday afternoon. And when I did finally get up and shower, I was starving, but the thought of eating anything made me want to vom.

So yeah. Still recovering from that. I’m working from home today and wishing I had a man to come take care of me. Maybe I shouldn’t have cut Kyle off. He would come in handy right now.

By the way, I love my new apartment. With all my furniture in it, it’s still really spacious (my old apartment was teeny tiny) and I’m so excited to finish unpacking and decorate! Hope everyone had a better weekend than me!

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stories i’m not proud of – part two.

Lauren and I used to go to Vegas a lot one semester. It was about a five hour drive so we would pack our car up on Friday afternoon, spend the weekend in Vegas and come back on Sunday night. On our one of our first trips we met these two guys, Zo and AJ. Zo was Lauren’s guy. He was tall, tan and good looking. He was Italian and was a borderline Guido (this was at the height of Jersey Shore). He had a bad temper and definitely wore the pants in he and AJ’s relationship. AJ was my mine: dark hair, blue eyes and didn’t take himself too seriously which I loved. I always thought AJ probably came from a good family, but got caught up with a bad crowd. They both had really sexy New York accents.

The first time we met them was right outside a Jamba Juice. Lauren and I were walking out trying to figure out what we were going to do that night when a really nice black sportscar pulled up to the curb. I know nothing about cars, but this one just looked ridiculously expensive and everyone turned to look to see who got out. Zo got out of the driver’s side and AJ got out of the passenger side.

“That’s a nice ass car,” Lauren said loudly.

I shrugged and sipped my smoothie. There was something really sexy about them getting out of that car, but you can’t let these guys know you’re impressed.

Zo approached us and said something like, “What, you wanna ride?” which was incredibly lame, but Lauren ate it right up. The four of us started talking and we explained that we were just in Vegas for the weekend. They invited us to a club that night and Lauren and Zo exchanged numbers. Neither of them were my type and I wasn’t interested in whatever club they were going to (did I mention that Zo was wearing Jordan sneakers and a thick gold chain around his neck?), but as we were getting ready that night, I realized that Lauren actually wanted to hang out with them.

“Are you kidding? They’re probably going to rob and murder us,” I pointed out.

“Oh my gosh, stop,” Lauren said. “It’s going to be fine. If nothing else, they’re rich and will buy us whatever we want to drink.”

Turns out, she was right. That night we met Zo and AJ at a club and they had a booth in VIP with some of their friends. They were all so happy to have us. Zo asked us what we liked to drink and Lauren and I looked at each other before saying, “Vodka,” in unison. He called the cocktail waitress over and asked her to bring the best vodka they had on hand and to keep them coming.

“Shit!” Lauren whispered in my ear. “What do you think he does for a living?”

I shrugged. Bottles of top shelf vodka go for hundreds and hundreds of dollars at the club so being broke college students, we were gagging that he told the waitress to keep them coming. Not complaining though obviously. We all danced with each other and had so much fun, but it wasn’t until afterwards when we went to a diner to eat, that we paired off. Zo and Lauren sat on one side of the booth and AJ and I sat on the other.

“You should just move hee-uh,” AJ said in his super cute accent. He was clearly already ready to wife me.

I leaned my head on his chest drunkly, giggling “Nooo, I have to finish school and stuff.” I wasn’t ruling out any possibilities of moving to Vegas after I graduated to become a trophy wife though.

Zo and AJ seemed to be intrigued that we were in college and asked us a lot of questions about it that night. It was obvious that we were in completely different worlds even though I think we were all around the same age. We hung out with them until 6:00 AM and while I actually had fun, I didn’t think we would ever see them again. But somehow every weekend for like two or three months, we went to Vegas to see them. We would drop our stuff off at our hotel then they would pick us in a different luxury car every week. They would take us to clubs, fancy dinners, strip joints, the mall or we would just ride up and down the strip while they played loud rap music and smoked weed. Even though we were only nineteen (I think?), I recall going to the casino and them dropping ungodly amounts of money at the blackjack table. They just kept pulling out stacks of money and were super nonchalant when they lost. It was sick. AJ even gave me a stack of cash so I could play the slots and I considered just pocketing it and going shopping.

But the funny/odd thing was we never really did anything with them sexually. It was so weird. Sometimes Lauren and I would go back to Zo’s condo with them trashed and they wouldn’t even try anything. I remember this one time, AJ and I were in his room (he had a room in Zo’s condo, but apparently had his own home elsewhere) and I was drunk so I hopped on top of him and started making out with him. He seemed distracted and kept looking at the door like someone was going to come in. Then he said, “Come on, let’s go down-steahs.” So I guess he wasn’t that interested.

Lauren and I didn’t ask questions though. We didn’t ask where all their money and cars were coming from when they obviously didn’t have jobs. We didn’t ask about their family. We didn’t ask anything. We just enjoyed escaping Tempe and acting like Vegas socialites for the weekend. We came up with theories though. 1. They were drug dealers. They usually smoked a lot of pot and sometimes did cocaine or took pills or drank some concoction in red party cups. So they obviously they were familiar with the industry. 2. Zo came from a family of mobsters. It seemed kind of far fetched, but looking at the clues, it kind of made sense. 3. Their parents were honestly wealthy and they just took the money and rebelled. Maybe their parents were back in New York and had no idea that they were blowing their money on luxury cars, drugs and alcohol for cute college girls. 4. They were some other kind of criminals. They were really, really sweet around us, but we suspected something sketchy going on.

Especially since sometimes we would go to this really huge house a few miles outside the city. We don’t know whose house it was, but there were always different people in it. The house didn’t have much furniture in it so it looked even more massive. Usually we would stay in the living room while they hung out with their friends and participated in illegal activities. Lauren and I would take selfies and gossip about our classmates.

Everything changed one weekend. We rode around the strip on Friday night while they smoked (we always declined to smoke with them, but probably got a contact high anyway) while Lauren and I shared a fountain drink spiked with vodka in the backseat. Eventually they took us to the house where a couple of their friends were already hanging out.

Lauren and I piled into one of the lone chairs in the gigantic living room and watched Zo and AJ and their friend snort coke through a dollar bill. This was nothing new to us. There was loud rap music playing, but everyone was really chill and relaxed.

Suddenly the front door flew open and some black guys stormed in. One of the guys started yelling things like, “Where is it?” and “Where are they?”

Zo and AJ just started blankly. Their friend stood up and started arguing back and one of the guys was getting in his face and bumping chests with him. Zo got up to try to break up the impending fight and the guys started to push him. AJ continued to sit there.

Lauren and I looked at each other like, “What are we supposed to do?” and then things got louder.

Zo and one of the guys started throwing punches at each other so everyone jumped in. So basically there were like nine guys all fighting each other. It looked like a riot. The fight started migrating across the room and Lauren and I jumped up so we wouldn’t get caught in it.

Zo got pushed into the glass coffee table and it shattered under him. It looked like something out of a movie. One of the guys leaned over him and pulled him to his feet by his collar and I saw that his face was bloody, but at least he wasn’t dead.

“Holy shit, should we like call 911?” I asked Lauren, but she was busy screaming and crying.

One of their friends came running from upstairs waving a handgun with a naked woman trailing behind him. “What the fuck is going on down here?”

All we could hear was yelling and arguing and Lauren and I cowered in a corner trying to go unnoticed.

“I want to go home, Reese,” Lauren cried. Clearly we had no business being here and needed to stay in suburbia where we belonged.

“We’ll go home soon,” I said as calmly as I could.

I looked up and saw AJ and one of their friends escorting Zo out of the house while the friend with the gun seemed to be negotiating with the black guys. I didn’t know if we were supposed to follow Zo and AJ outside (they were our ride), but we were too afraid to move.

The friend with the gun pointed his gun at one of the intruders and said something like, “I’ll blow your fucking brains out, don’t move!”

I don’t pray a lot, but I literally sat in that corner praying we would make it out alive. I had no idea what was going to happen, but I was thinking the worst like one of the intruders was going to pull a machine gun out of his waistband and light the whole room up. What would my parents say when my dead body was found in an abandoned house in Vegas?

When they all started arguing loudly again, I yanked Lauren up and dragged her out the front door before they could start shooting. We found Zo and AJ in the driveway and it appeared that AJ was trying to calm Zo (who was bleeding all over the hood of their car for the weekend: a new, white Mercedes) down.

“I’ll fucking kill him. I swear I’ll murder him,” Zo was grumbling. The look in his eyes was frightening. He actually did look like he was ready to murder someone.

A lot of things happened in the matter of about a minute. We heard police sirens off in the distance, then we heard a couple of gun shots in the house and Zo, AJ and their friend hopped in their Mercedes and sped off. They didn’t say a word or even acknowledge us, they all hopped in the car and fucking left us there. Lauren started bawling.

The intruders ran out of the house and sped off in their car and then Zo and AJ’s friend, the one who had the gun, ran out with the naked girl. She was now wearing just a man’s jacket.

“Come on, come on, come on!” the friend said to us as they ran to his SUV. Lauren and I didn’t know what else to do, but follow. We all got in and he drove off.

We drove in silence for what felt like hours until he stopped at a gas station on the strip. We pulled in right next to Zo and AJ. Without a word, the friend we were in the car with rolled his window down and handed a leather duffle bag to Zo, who was in the passenger seat (which was weird because he was always the one driving). Then they drove off without even looking at us. Uh…okay.

Luckily their friend was nice and pretended like nothing happened. He asked us if we wanted to get something to eat or anything, but we declined and asked if he would drop us off at our hotel. I don’t think we even knew his name (or if we did, I forgot it now). Obviously once we were back in the safety of our hotel room, Lauren and I were shaken up and couldn’t sleep. Like what the fuck did we just witness? Was anyone dead? What was even going on?

So we did the only thing we could think to do: drink. We polished off a bottle of vodka until the whole situation was funny. And then we passed out.

Zo and AJ started calling us around seven o’clock the next morning. I personally refused to answer any of their calls, but Lauren did. Zo wanted to apologize about what happened the night before and offered to take us to breakfast. Lol seriously? After they left us at that abandoned drug house to be killed/arrested for suspicion of prostitution? I told Lauren to hang up the phone.

We didn’t go to Vegas for a long time after that. Zo and AJ called us every weekend for a month or so acting like everything was normal. It was weird. That kind of stuff must not be a big deal to them. What were we thinking hanging out with them every weekend anyway? I’m so glad nothing seriously bad ever happened.

It’s kind of sad, but we never saw Zo and AJ again. I hope they’re okay.

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time for bed. 

I went out with Carly and some of her friends from high school on Friday night. Carly is a reformed party girl. When we first met we used to go out like four times a week and stay out until the sun came up. We both grew out of that luckily. 

She said some of her friends were in the city so she wanted to go bar/club hopping and I agreed to tag along. I wore shorts, a tight cropped top, leather jacket and booties. I drank an entire bottle of wine before we even left for Boystown. I was so thirsty after not drinking for almost two weeks. We didn’t stay in Boystown for long, just long enough to dance, take a couple of shots and get molested by a drag queen. Normal things.

After Boystown, we cabbed to Lincoln Park to meet some of their other friends. By then I was super drunk and super friendly. I hit it off particularly well with Carly’s friend, Alyssa, who seemed to be almost as crazy as me. We ran into the Lincoln Park bar before everyone else and immediately found two guys who bought drinks for all seven of us.

The next thing I remember is standing in a corner with the two guys and one of them had me pinned against the wall. We were making out. Alyssa was next to me with the other guy hovering over her.

“Lyss,” I said, swatting her arm to get her attention. “Is he hot?” I pointed to the guy who had me pinned against the wall.

She did an exaggerated head turn to get a better view of him then turned back to me and shrugged. I took that as a no so I gave my guy an apologetic look before grabbing Alyssa’s arm and dashing away.

Carly, Alyssa and I are the only ones who made it to the late night bar. I really just wanted food so I went because I knew their kitchen was still open. I sat at the bar and ordered cheese sticks, fries and grilled chicken nachos while Carly and Alyssa talked to some guys. When my food came out, Carly ran over and plopped on the barstool next to me.

“Oooo, cheese sticks!” she squealed, shoving a stick in her mouth.

We started going to town on all the food while talking about Kendra and John and how we haven’t seen Kendra in years (days). Then suddenly I was like, “I’m going to text Brady. I miss him. Do you think he will care if I come over?”

Carly literally dropped the mozzarella stick she was eating and leaned over to grab my phone from me. “Noooooooooo!!

“Whoa, why are you freaking out?” I asked, leaning away from her.

“Seriously, do not text him right now,” Carly said as she successfully took my phone away.

“Why? What’s the big deal all of a sudden? I thought you wanted me to talk to him.”

“Not right now. You’re drunk!” Carly said as if she wasn’t drunk too.

“Who cares?”

“If you want to talk to him, do it when you’re sober and have something more intelligent to say than, ‘Can I sit on your face?’ [That’s what the message I was typing said.] Reese, that boy is in love with you.”

“How do you know? Does he talk about me?” I gasped dramatically.

Carly shook her head. “No. I haven’t heard him say your name since he gave me your things back. He won’t even talk to Chris about you. I think – we think – he’s trying to get over you.”

I looked at her for a minute while trying to blink back tears. “Really? Trying to get over me?”

Is that what I need to do, stop saying his name? Will that make it easier?

Carly nodded and resumed eating. “You haven’t talked in how long? He probably assumes you aren’t going to call.”

“Why would I have to call him?” I yelled.

“Babe, calm down.”

“I feel like I want to cry.”

“Oh, Reese.”

Carly watched me while I started sniffling. I shoved a fry in my mouth to keep myself busy.

“Do you know what will make you feel better?” she asked suddenly.

“What?” I peeked at her skeptically.

“Spa day tomorrow! We can get massages and facials and I definitely need a manicure…”

“So you don’t think I should call him?”

Carly looked like she was getting annoyed with me, but I didn’t care. “No, I don’t. I don’t think you should call him if you haven’t thought long and hard about what you want to say and if you even have any desire to make things right with him. Don’t call him just because you’re drunk and miss him. If he’s doing okay without you then let him.”

I didn’t have an appetite anymore, but continued eating fries.

“Don’t ruin him,” Carly added softly.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I blew up. “He ruined me!”

“Let’s talk about this tomorrow,” Carly said.

“No! I’m never saying his name again!”

I requested to close my tab and demanded my phone back from Carly. She asked me if I was pissed and I told her that I was fine and just wanted to go home. She watched me cautiously like I was going to do something rash. I hugged her goodbye before I ran outside and got in a cab. Does anyone else always talk their cab driver’s ear off? I do. But I only got halfway through the Reese and Brady saga before he dropped me off.

“K thanks! Have a safe night! Love you!” I said as I got out of the car. I told the cab driver that I loved him. Time for bed.

I didn’t go to spa day on Saturday, but I texted Carly and apologized for being dramatic. She replied, “No worries. Call him if you want to, but please think about it before you do, okay?”

Whatever. I’d lost the urge to call him anyway.

I hung out with Kendra on Saturday since John was out. She said they don’t have a wedding date set and they will probably have a long engagement. They are already looking for places to buy together though in Lakeview. Lucky. When is someone going to wife me?

Preston wanted to go out on Saturday night, but I declined. Then at around 10:30 everyone was posting going out pictures and I suddenly felt so lame for being at home. So I texted Preston and told him I was on my way.

Our Mexico trip is supposed to be this coming weekend and I still planned on going alone (sometimes you just need some me-time), but I’m moving instead! So excited! I ended up going with the first place, the one with the den and private terrace. Chris mentioned in a comment that it sounded like it was more my style and as soon as she said that, I realized that she was exactly right! Thanks Chris!

So anyway after talking to Carly, I decided that I’m not going to call Brady and I’m going to stop talking about him and how I miss him and stuff. I think it’s just ridiculous. Time to move on. Hope everyone had a good weekend!

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he just doesn’t get me.

I’ve been looking at apartments nonstop for like a week. Finding a place to live is so exhausting. I’m not picky at all, but I’m indecisive so I ended up loving about six of the places I looked at. I was overwhelmed, but I managed to narrow it down to two. They’re both really similar: high rise building with all the amenities, floor to ceiling windows, AMAZING updated kitchen, hardwood, etc. One has a “den” that would be perfect to turn into my home office, private terrace, a better gym and indoor pool. The other is more of a lofty feel with exposed duct work and track lights and has an extra half bath and an all glass balcony. I got approved for both, but I seriously cannot decide. Help!

Kendra found out about me and Kyle. Well, I told her. I just had to. Kyle and I were talking and hanging out regularly (and not just hooking up, he took me to dinner and brought me stuff) and it started to feel like he thought we were a thing. Or maybe I was just imagining it? I had to ask Kendra what she thought.

“So I have a bomb to drop on you,” I said to her.

“Oh God,” she groaned. “What is it?”

The way she reacted made me second guess telling her. But I blurted it out anyway.

“I’ve been hooking up with Kyle.”

Kendra paused until she realized which Kyle I was talking about.

“What? How? Why?”

“I don’t know. I ran into him at the bar one night and I don’t know… We’ve just been talking ever since.”

“That’s such a bad idea. Does Carly know?”

“No. Do you think she would be pissed?” I knew the answer, but still asked just in case.

“So pissed. How long ago did you and Brady even break up? How are you already hooking up with someone else?” Kendra asked, sounding very judgey.

I shrugged even though she couldn’t see me. “Rebound. What should I do?”

“Stop having sex with him! Carly is going to kill you!”

“Don’t tell her!” I exclaimed.

“I won’t, but you should come clean. She is going to be even more mad if she finds out you’re hiding it,” Kendra pointed out.

I decided that Kendra was right and I needed to stop hooking up/going on with dates with Kyle, but I’m not telling Carly anything. So after that conversation with Kendra, I’ve been really short with Kyle when he texts me. Should I just tell him how I feel? That would probably be the mature thing to do.

I do enjoy hanging out with Kyle, but after dinner with him on Friday, I realized that he just doesn’t get me. After scanning the menus, he asked me what I wanted. I told him all I wanted was a shot of tequila then quickly said just kidding because I’m on a drinking hiatus and I actually wanted the first half of the appetizer menu. He just stared at me. And then when his Jack and Coke came, I pretended to snatch it from him and he’s like, “You can totally have some,” while looking at me all weird.

Like ugh. I’m on a drinking hiatus. Brady would have laughed (or not ordered alcohol knowing I couldn’t have any). Brady understands me. Thinking about it made me miss him.

Speaking of Brady, Carly hung out with Brady, Chris and some of their friends on Saturday for the St. Patrick’s Day debauchery. I texted Carly around noon to see if she wanted to get brunch + bottomless mimosas and she replied that she was out.

“Thanks for the invite. Who are you with?” I said back.

“Umm, Chris, Stacey, Jacob, Dan, Nate, Brady…”

I love that she threw Brady’s name in there last like it was an afterthought.

“I’m sorry, we’re all really drunk. I don’t even know exactly where we are. Brunch tomorrow though, love you!” she added.

Later that night, Carly uploaded a group picture to Facebook from their St. Patty’s Day shenanigans and I was excited to see how miserable Brady looked and how his outfit probably sucked (obviously I taught him everything he knows about fashion), but he wasn’t even in the picture. Ugh.

Carly and I met for brunch on Sunday. I ordered a waffle topped with Nutella and strawberries, bacon, eggs with tomatoes and spinach, a side of avocado and a rosé mimosa (that doesn’t count as drinking right?). It was all so fucking good.

“So how was yesterday?” I asked Carly. Really, I just wanted dirt on Brady.

“I felt like I was back in college. It was so much fun. What did you do?” Carly said.

“I sat at home and looked at paint swatches and furniture. I was supposed to hang out with Preston, but he flaked.” This was all true and I made sure to sigh sadly at the end so Carly would feel bad.

“I’m sorry babe. I would’ve invited you out, but you know… Brady was there…” She dug into her omelet aggressively.

“Oh yeah. How’s he doing?” I asked as nonchalantly as possible. I couldn’t let her think I actually cared.

Carly took a huge bite so I had to wait for her to chew. “He’s good. He got so drunk yesterday, he was funny.”

Funny? Funny like how? I really wanted to know the details of Drunk Brady, but Carly changed the subject and started talking about Chris. I don’t think she did it on purpose, but I was annoyed. I don’t care about Chris!

Let’s see, what else has been going on? Andrew has been doing an amazing job of avoiding me. He used to call me and text me every single day and now he emails me with questions, reports and assignments so I haven’t had a chance to talk to him. Which I’m okay with. I actually really like my job when Andrew isn’t breathing down my neck.

Diana emailed me to follow up and asked how my talk with Andrew went and I admitted that I haven’t talked to him. She asked if I was serious about coming back and I waited a few hours to ask her if there was an opening. I can’t lie, I was getting my hopes up about going back.

Especially since Andrew was in Chicago on Wednesday and he was with Tori. He said hello to me and asked how things were then he walked through the store with Tori before they went to Panera to work. And they didn’t invite me which was kind of rude. When they came back, Andrew kept sending messages to me through Tori.

She would come up to me and say things like, “Andrew wants your updated sales report for the quarter. Do you have that on hand?” and “Andrew asked if you have any outstanding supply orders?”

Seriously? I didn’t even feed into it and kept myself busy the whole day. And then he told Tori to tell me that he wanted to walk through the store before they left so I waited around for them. At around 6:00 (I usually leave around 4:30 or 5 on a normal day so this was late for me), Andrew and Tori came out of the office with all of their things, preparing to leave.

“Sorry we couldn’t spend more time together this trip, Reese,” Andrew said. He and Tori continued toward the door.

“Uh, I thought you wanted to do a walkthough?” I said.

“Oh yeah! We can do it next time, everything looks good here,” Andrew replied cheerfully.

Are you FUCKING kidding me? So basically I wasted an hour waiting for them for no reason. I bet he did it on purpose.

I haven’t heard back from Diana so I’m not sure what that means. I just want to get away from Andrew. I know y’all think I’m running from my problems instead of addressing it, but I don’t care. I don’t want to talk to him or work with him.

I think that covers everything. I’ve been going to gym and shopping like a crazy person. Since I’m back on the market, I need a new wardrobe and a hot little body, right? Missed you guys!

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maybe this is the final straw. 

For some reason, I missed Brady a ton over the weekend. I think I was overwhelmed with everything that was going on and I needed him to help me relax. He was always so optimistic. On Sunday I texted Carly saying, “I miss Brady. Can I call him?”

She replied, “No. You both probably need space.”

Which I thought was weird. Carly was one of the main people encouraging me to reach out to him. I wonder why she suddenly decided it wasn’t a good idea. Do you think he said something to her?

Diana agreed to meet me at 9:00 AM on Monday morning – as soon as she got to the office. I didn’t know what I wanted to say, but I knew I needed to talk to her, even if it was just for career advice like a lot of people suggested.

Being in my old building made me so nostalgic. I really, really miss my old job which is exactly what I was afraid of with taking the new job. I saw a couple of the people I used to work with on my way to Diana’s office and everyone wanted to talk and know how I’m doing and if I’m coming back. I feel like it’s so fake though because for the most part no one I used to work with has kept in contact with me. So whatever.

Diana hugged me which I thought was a good sign. Diana is definitely my favorite boss I’ve ever had, but she isn’t exactly warm and fuzzy.

“How are you, Reese? How’s the new job?” she asked, getting right into it.

“Um, it’s okay. Well, I don’t like it,” I said.

“Oh?” Diana looked surprised. “Why don’t you like it?”

“Well, I like it. I just don’t like my boss,” I corrected myself.

“Mmhm.” Diana sipped her tea. I miss drinking tea with Diana in her office. “What don’t you like about your boss?”

“He just isn’t motivational or inspirational. He doesn’t make me want to do my best or move up in the company. He’s actually pretty mean.”

“Mean?” Diana repeated, looking amused almost.

“Like, I’m afraid to ask him questions. I don’t like the way he talks to me.”

“Is he truly mean or are you just being a baby?”

I gasped, offended. “He’s mean! He’s so awful.” I had to be careful with my words here. “So I’m not sure what I should do.”

“Have you tried talking to him?”

“Talking to him about what?” The thought of talking to Andrew made my skin crawl.

“Your concerns. The fact that the way he speaks to you is discouraging. You should explain to him what he needs to do to help you do succeed.”

“Okay…” I remembered that Andrew asked me that flat out one day and instead of a real answer, I just sucked up.

“He will most likely appreciate your courage to speak up rather than silently resenting him. I would.”

I nodded.

“And after that, if he’s still disrespectful to you, I’d sit down and really weigh your options. You can’t work in an environment where you hate your boss.”

“Yeah,” I agreed.

“Do you want to come back here?”

It’s like she read my mind.

“I mean, I would love to. But I know it’s unlikely with Whitney and everything, right?” I said.

Diana nodded. “What, am I supposed to fire her because you suddenly decide you want to come back?”

“No.” When she put it that way, I did feel a bit ridiculous. “How’s she doing?”

“She’s…adjusting. It hasn’t been a smooth transition, but she’s getting there.”

I wanted to be like, “See, she sucks! Demote her and bring me back!” But that wouldn’t be right so I nodded.

“I’m not going to let you give up on your new position that easily. You talk to him – today – and see how the rest of the week plays out. Then we can sit back down and regroup. Okay?”

I liked the sound of that. At least she’s willing to try to help me. I stayed and talked to her a little while longer and I really loved catching up with her. She’s so pretentious, but somehow so humble lol I love it.

After I left there, I rushed to the store so I could get on my noon conference call with Andrew. The whole call I thought he was being kind of nicer and not putting me (or anyone) on the spot and making us feel dumb like he usually does. I figured maybe because it was Monday he wanted to take it easy on us.

But then right before he ended the call, Andrew said, “You guys, before we hang up, I just wanted to apologize if I’ve said or done anything that offended you. It is not my intention to make anyone offended or feel uncomfortable so I am sorry for that. Please don’t hesitate to tell me if I say or do something you think is inappropriate, I won’t know unless you guys tell me.”

We were all silent then Andrew thanked us for our time and we hung up. So I feel like someone must have called HR on him recently. Maybe Ty called them for me? But it sounds like he must have offended someone else too (probably prying into their personal life). I wonder if this is the final straw. Maybe HR told him that if he gets another call he will finally get fired. So he needs to go back and cover his ass.

So I don’t know. I really don’t want to talk to him, but I think Diana is right and that I should. Should I also bring up what happened last Thursday? Or are we pretending it didn’t happen? Or maybe he was so drunk that he doesn’t even remember?

Anyway, writing this stuff is actually really, really therapeutic for me, but I think I’m going to take a week or two away from the blog. I’ve really prided myself with being super consistent with my posts (right?) and I loved the fact that I never took a hiatus like other bloggers. But I just need to focus on work, finding somewhere to live and not thinking about Brady. Feel free to contact me on Twitter (Twitter.com/hotmessReese) or email me at hotmessinhighheels@gmail.com! I promise it won’t be long and I love you guys as always! ❤
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i hope it’s not too desperate.

Oh my God. I want to die.

So on Thursday, I got to Tennessee and headed straight to the store to meet Andrew so we could prep for the visit. Andrew was kind of stressed and freaking out because there was so much that needed to be done and he waited until the last minute to tell us. I told him that he needed to relax and he said, “You’re right. I just want it to go well. I think we are plenty prepared.”

We left the store around 8:00 and Andrew invited everyone out for dinner on him. He said we needed to relax after the long day we had and the long day we had ahead of us. I agreed.

So me, Andrew, the Tennessee manager and assistants, a male manager from a nearby store and a sales director who came to help went a restaurant near the hotel we were staying in. I ended up hitting it off with the male manager from the nearby store. His name is Ty and he’s gay and fabulous. Andrew wanted to go around the table and have everywhere share their most embarrassing work moment. I’m pretty sure mine is hooking up with an intern, but I was not about to share that story. Everyone else’s stories were pretty PG so I didn’t want to be that girl.

Also during dinner, Andrew told me that he and his girlfriend broke up. I feel like he wanted me to admit that Brady and I broke up too, but I was just like, “Oh that’s too bad. You seem to be handling it well.”

After dinner, Andrew suggested we all go to the bar down the street and have a couple of drinks on him. Obviously none of us were going to turn down free drinks so we all agreed.

I knew that I needed to pace myself so I got a really modest skinny mojito when we got to the bar. It looked kind of lame compared to everyone else’s and Andrew was the first to call me out.

“Is that normally your drink of choice, Reese?” he smirked, gesturing toward my glass.

I shrugged. Why is he so annoying?

I hung out with Ty and we danced and drank martinis. Can I just marry a gay guy and have sex with random hot guys all my life? Is that bad? Yes? Okay.

After my third martini, I went to the bartender to get another and as I was waiting for her to make it, Andrew appeared next to me.

“Heyyyy, Andy!” I said, touching his bicep. I was much more tipsy than I intended.

He put his arm around me. “How’s it going, Reese? Still getting those baby drinks?”

As if on cue, the bartender slid a martini in front of me. I gave Andrew a flirty eyebrow raise while taking a sip.

“Can we get two shots of Belvedere?” Andrew asked the bartender.

“Nooo,” I gasped. The last thing I needed was a shot of vodka.

“Oh come onnnn,” Andrew enthused while squeezing my neck.

It wasn’t a vodka shot kind of night, but I took it anyway. And then I ran off with Ty and danced. Everyone was dancing with everyone and at one point, I remember Andrew coming behind me and we danced together. Like with me shaking my ass and him grabbing my hips. I thought it was just innocent fun.

Ty had gone to get us another drink and when he came back I squealed and ran to get my drink from him. Andrew slapped my ass as I ran away.

“Ooo, careful girl. Ain’t that your boss?” Ty said.

I laughed.

Later on, Andrew was sitting on one of the bar stools next to the manager of the Tennessee store and I thought he was being lame so I ran over to him. “Get Your Freak On” by Missy Elliot (she’s making a comeback?) was on and I danced in front of him while rapping along to it. What’s with me getting drunk and giving people lap dances? Once the song was over, I tried to skip away, but Andrew yanked my hand really hard and pulled me back so I could feel his crotch. He was hard. Oops?

I giggled because I didn’t know what he wanted me to do then I ran away. Things started to get blurry. There was lots of dancing – everyone was dancing with each other and Andrew, being the only straight guy, was definitely the center of it.

I remember this part pretty vividly though. I told Ty to hold my drink so I could go to the restroom. I went in and did my business, took a couple selfies and replied to a text then headed back out there. There was a little dark hallway that led back out to the bar area and a tall figure was walking toward the bathrooms as I walking away. Since it was dark I couldn’t tell that it was Andrew until he was close to me.

“I have to fucking piss,” he said and I could tell that he was really, really drunk.

“That way,” I said, pointing behind me.

I thought he was going to keep walking but instead Andrew stopped in front of me and said, “How’s your night going? Are you having fun?”

I nodded. “Mmhm.”

The hallway was small so when Andrew took a step toward me, I took a step back and I was against the wall.

“Think you’re ready for tomorrow?” he asked.

“I am. I think we will be fine. You’ve taught me everything I need to know and how to handle pressure,” I replied. Just because I was drunk didn’t mean I didn’t know the importance of ass kissing.

“Yeah.” Andrew had one hand and forearm resting against the wall on the side of my head and I felt the other hand graze my inner thigh. “I think you are ready too. I’m going to let you take the lead for the tour and only jump in when I need to.”

His hand crept up my thigh. I was wearing a loose floral dress, an oversized cardigan and boots so his hand was on my bare thigh. I couldn’t tell if it was deliberate or if he didn’t realize what he was doing, but I didn’t say anything.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this enough, but Andrew is tall and really good looking. He looks like a young Freddie Prinze Jr., but his personality just kind of ruins it. Not that that is an excuse for anything, but just throwing it out there.

“Okay. That sounds good.”

“My biggest piece of advice for you would be that you need to be able to back up everything you say. They’re going to ask why things are the way they are.” He reached my underwear and I felt him gently nudge my vagina with his knuckle.

“Okay, that isn’t a problem.”

“I mean, your sales are good for this store. You don’t have to worry about that. They’re going to want to know why sales are good.” Andrew started rubbing my clit.

I nodded.

“Now your other stores, on the other hand. Those need some attention,” Andrew said in a very Andrew kind of way.

“I know,” I said, trying not to roll my eyes. “I think I need to start looking at the sales teams and making sure we have the best people working for us.”

“That’s a very good place to start, Reese.”

I hate to admit it, but Andrew rubbing my vagina felt really, really good. So I didn’t stop him.

“Do you think you could come up with a game plan for that at the start of next week?” Andrew asked as he pushed my underwear out of the way and finally pushed him finger into me.

My breathing shallowed and I practically whispered, “Yes. I’ll work on it on Monday.”

“I’ll expect you to be ready to speak about it on the conference call. I need some proof that you’re trying to improve your numbers.”

I nodded, trying to maintain eye contact. Really, I wanted to throw my head back and moan and squirm, but I couldn’t do that because apparently we were pretending like this wasn’t happening.

“I have faith in you, Reese. I hired you for a reason, you know.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll get all of my sales up. I want your job one day.”

“Oh really?” Andrew said sounding surprised as he pulled his finger out.

“Yes.”

Just as I said that, Andrew stuck his finger in my mouth – the one that was just inside me. I sucked on his finger using my tongue much more than necessary until he pulled it out and drug it down my chin. I guess since it was already happening, I decided to milk it. I needed Andrew to know how good I am with my mouth.

“I’m going to use the bathroom then head out of here. Important day tomorrow,” he said suddenly.

As soon as he took a step back, I scurried away. I did not want to stick around and discuss the fact that he’d just fingered me. I found Ty and grabbed my drink from him and downed it.

I didn’t see Andrew before I walked with Ty back to the hotel, but when I got undressed and in bed, I got a text.

It said, “Reese.”

I replied, “Yes, Andrew?”

It took him what felt like twenty minutes to respond. He said, “Come to my room. 410.”

I’m not going to lie, I considered it. One thing I don’t know if y’all can tell about me is that I like to tease boys sometimes. And after the way Andrew has treated me since I’ve known him, I would love to get him all riled up then leave him hanging right before the action began. But I wasn’t too drunk to realize that that wasn’t a good idea. Things had already gotten out of hand.

“Why?” I said back.

“Please. I want you in my bed.”

I giggled, enjoying seeing Andrew beg a little too much.

“What do you want to do?” I asked.

“I want to touch you and kiss you.”

A few minutes later, he added, “Please Reese.”

I wanted to say back, “If I do, can I get a raise?” but didn’t know if Andrew would find it as funny as I did.

“Room 410,” Andrew went on.

I was actually visualizing being in bed with Andrew and him being on top of me. I felt a familiar feeling building up in my tummy. Fuck. No! I hate Andrew. I wasn’t supposed to be feeling like this.

Andrew sent another text (“Are you coming?”) before I put my phone on do not disturb and tried to fall asleep.

I woke up on Friday morning with a start. I’d forgotten to set an alarm and we were supposed to meet at the store at eight. Luckily I woke up at six, but I felt like shit. Going out and getting drunk was Andrew’s worst idea yet. I took a long steaming shower to hopefully wash away how gross I felt and then got dressed in a printed shift dress and pumps and threw my hair in a topknot.

Andrew was waiting for me in the lobby and actually looked awake and professional and the exact opposite of his drunken stupor from the night before.

“Did you bring your notes?” he greeted me.

“Yeah.” I patted my bag.

“Okay, let’s go. I want to do a couple of practice run throughs before they get here,” Andrew said and I followed him to the rental.

I couldn’t tell if he was mad or just stressed, but he was pretty quiet. We practiced for a bit and Andrew was back to his regular self and being an asshole to me. The tour went fine. Between Andrew, the manager and me we were able to answer whatever questions the visitors had. It was the two women who interviewed me, the company president and the head of merchandising. They even complimented me and said, “Wow, Reese, you haven’t been here long, but you sure know your stuff.”

I had to resist turning to Andrew to make sure he heard. After they left Andrew said to me, “You pretty good for your first store tour with the bigwigs. I think the practice I did with you this morning helped.”

I rolled my eyes at him trying to take the credit. I knew I did well and didn’t need him telling me. Andrew left to go back to New York City before my flight took off so I hung around the store for a while. Leah texted me asking how it went.

“Good. They liked me and Andrew tried to take all the credit,” I replied.

“Of course. Ty said he was all over everyone last night. I heard he does that all time, he takes all the hot young girls out and tries to get them drunk and hook up with them.”

Wait. Is that what he did? I thought about it; there was me (obviously young and hot), the Tennessee manager (young and pretty hot), her assistants (young and hot), a sales director from a different region (young and hot) and Ty (gay, but hot. He was probably used as a decoy because Andrew couldn’t be too obvious).

I needed to get more information without giving myself away. “Really lol? Does he hook up with a lot of them?”

“Oh yeah. I’m surprised he didn’t try anything with you. If he wasn’t so good at his job I’m sure he would’ve been fired by now. He’s had so many HR calls on him lol.”

I was mortified. So Andrew tried that with everyone and I was the dumb girl who allowed him to? Gross. I’m not even that attracted to him so I don’t know how that got so out of control.

Suddenly I realized that I can’t work for him anymore. Not after that line had been crossed. And not after I found out about his track record. How is he ever going to take my seriously when we’d allowed that to happen? I know I have no right to say this, but I feel taken advantage of. Andrew knows what he’s doing.

I decided that when I got back to Chicago, I would figure out what my options were.

As I was boarding my flight I checked my email and I had a new one from my apartment management company. I had reached out to them a couple of days ago to see about re-signing my lease since I’m not staying with Brady anymore. One of the managers emailed me back and told me that unfortunately all the one bedrooms including mine were all taken for April.

How is that possible? My apartment building is huge, how are there no one bedrooms available? I emailed back saying that. Then I slept the entire flight home. When I landed, I checked to see if she replied and she said something along the lines of: “When you put in your sixty day notice, we rented out your apartment. One bedrooms get rented out very quickly here. Sorry about that, Reese.”

Meaning, I have to move out. And I have less than a month to find somewhere to live. Suddenly I was rethinking all my life decisions. Why did I yell at Brady so he dumped me and now I have nowhere to live? Actually a better question: why did I put in my sixty day notice without making sure Brady was 100% about our relationship? And why didn’t I buy a condo with Mark when I had the chance?

I got to my apartment and cried. I feel like all I do is cry lately. So much in my life is changing and I can’t handle too much change at once. I decided that I need to get my old job back. I know it’s been filled and everything, but I miss my office and the work I did and actually loving my boss. I haven’t spoken a lot with Diana since I left, but I emailed her asking if she is available to meet with me on Monday morning. I hope it’s not too desperate, but I’m going to beg for my old job back.

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i think he’s gay.

When I walked into work on Monday morning, Leah was already there with Andrew. As you can imagine, I was in no mood to deal with him. We talked about business for the first hour or so then he asked how my weekend was. I told him it was fine.

Then he said, “How’s your man?”

Ew. I didn’t like the way he said “your man.” Regardless I wasn’t about to tell him that we broke up so I was like, “Oh he’s good!” super enthusiastically.

Andrew smiled. “Great! Glad to hear it!”

I feel like he’s just always fishing for information on my personal life.

Later on in the day, Leah, Andrew and I were standing behind the counter of the store all working on our respective paperwork when Leah said to me, “So did you call him?”

I was only half listening so I was like, “Who?”

“Your ex! Have you called him?”

That got my attention. I glanced at Andrew quickly to see if he heard. He wasn’t paying attention. 

“Shh,” I told her. “I don’t want Andrew to know we broke up.”

Leah gave me a weird look. “Okay… I already told him though.”

“What? Why?!” I exclaimed. Andrew looked over.

Leah shrugged and whispered, “He asked about my weekend and I told him. I’m sorry. I didn’t know it was a secret.”

Ugh. So I don’t know if she told Andrew before or after he asked me about Brady, but he now knows that I lied, right? I’m glad he didn’t confront me about it and make it awkward.

Around lunch time I got a text from Carly that said, “Hey! Brady gave me your stuff to give you!”

I replied, “What?”

“Brady asked me to give you all your stuff you left over there…”

I was livid. Brady didn’t even have the balls to give me my shit back himself? What a puss. 

Andrew wanted to go to lunch and I don’t even remember what we talked about because I was so pissed. When we got back to the store, I locked myself in the bathroom and typed up a scathing message to Brady letting him know what a coward he is and how he was going to be single and lonely forever. And then I deleted it. It wasn’t even worth it.

When Carly dropped my things off later I made her explain to me exactly what happened.

“Well, as I was leaving last night, Brady stopped me and asked if I could take something to you,” Carly said.

“What were his exact words?” I wanted to know.

“‘I have some of Reese’s things. Would you mind giving them to her?'”

“Did you ask him why he couldn’t give them to me himself?”

“Noo, of course not, Reese. He’s just as fragile as you are. I said sure.”

“I’m not fragile,” I muttered.

“So he went in his room and brought out all your stuff. Look how nice he folded everything!”

She was right that he’d packed all my stuff really neatly in a Trader Joe’s bag. He fucking would. I seriously can’t believe he gave my stuff to Carly so he wouldn’t have to talk to me. Actually, yes I can. I hate him.

On Tuesday, Kyle texted me in the morning asking how I was doing which was really nice. We ended up texting all throughout the day and I was happy to have someone to complain to about work. He offered to give me a massage and I accepted so he came over that night. I wasn’t going to turn down a massage.

I poured myself a glass of wine and sat between Kyle’s legs on the couch while he rubbed my neck and shoulders. I was talking his ear off about everything from working out to my living room decor to the Patriots winning the Super Bowl. Clearly I don’t have anyone else to talk to.

Eventually he started going lower and massaged my back and subtly reached around and felt up my boobs. I let him and kept talking like nothing was happening. And then he started kissing my neck. And then he took off my shirt. I continued talking and sipping my wine. And then finally, Kyle took my glass of wine out of my hand, pushed me back on the couch and ran his tongue all over my chest and tummy. Then the only sounds coming out of my mouth were moans.

Sooo, yeah. I kind of hooked up with Kyle again. No tears this time. It was actually really nice and I wouldn’t be opposed to doing it again (I won’t though). I still kicked him out afterwards.

I convinced Kendra to get drinks with me on Wednesday night. I hadn’t seen much of her since she and John got engaged. The first thing she asked about was Brady and even though I had a ton of questions for her, I did want to talk about Brady.

“I think he’s gay,” I said, eating a mozzarella stick.

“What?” Kendra exclaimed, almost laughing.

“It’ll explain a lot of things. He’s so clean. When I first went to his condo, I thought Chris was married and lived with a woman because it was so clean and well decorated. Nope, just Gay Brady putting his gay touch on everything.”

“Oh, Reese.”

“What? It’s true. And the fact that it took him so long to have sex with me. What straight guy would turn down pussy being thrown at him?”

“He’s just a gentleman. And he wanted more than just sex with you so he waited. I think that’s admirable.”

“And then, I think he has a crush on Chris. He told me that he doesn’t really need a roommate, but it’s nice having one. What straight guy in his late twenties wants a roommate? Gay.”

Kendra scrunched her nose up. “I don’t get that vibe. And Preston hasn’t mentioned anything. You know Preston can sniff a gay out from a mile away.”

Truthfully, I know Brady is not gay. I just wanted to talk shit about him. He did mention that he doesn’t charge Chris very much in rent and he enjoys having him around though.

“So, you’re getting married,” I said to change the subject.

“Yep. Haven’t set a date yet,” Kendra said while admiring her ring. John did really, really well with Kendra’s emerald cut Tacori ring. It’s huge and beautiful. I didn’t think John had that kind of taste.

“Why haven’t you asked me to be a bridesmaid?” I asked.

“We don’t know if we want to do a big wedding with bridesmaids and stuff. We were thinking a beach wedding in Hawaii with just our parents.”

I rolled my eyes. “Y’all are so boring and predictable.”

“Shut up, Reese,” Kendra said and she actually sounded serious. Touchy subject?

Anyway, I’m headed to Tennessee now for our big visit with the directors and presidents from New York. They are coming tomorrow (Friday) so we are going to be prepping pretty much all day. I hope it goes well/Andrew doesn’t make my life hell. Not counting on it though. Bye!

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rebound dick was the worst idea ever.

I sulked all week and really did nothing except work, go to the gym and cry at the comments on the blog. Everyone knew what happened and wanted to offer their advice. Preston thought I needed a rebound hook up and Kendra and Carly thought I should reach out to Brady because he’s passive and obviously isn’t going to reach out to me. I disagree. He’s the one who broke up with me, why would I reach out to him? Why should I have to call him and be like, “Are you sure?” He’s a grown up.

On Friday, I worked with the manager of the Chicago store, Leah, and she sensed something was wrong. So I spent the day telling her about me and Brady’s relationship then ending it with how he abruptly dumped me. She said, “Oh Reese, you poor thing.”

I was kind of sick of all the pity from everyone so I was like, “It’s fine. I’m not worried about it.” Which was obviously a lie.

Leah could tell.

“You should call him,” she said. “He probably misses you terribly.”

“So? He decided this. This is what he wanted.”

Leah looked at me sympathetically for a moment until she realized that I wasn’t budging. “Well, it’s my friends birthday tonight and we are all going out. You should come!”

I waved her away. “I’m fine. I’m going to go to the gym then get in bed. That’s what I do every night now.”

Leah put her hand on my arm. “I insist. Please come out! You’re always so fun and bubbly. I don’t like seeing you like this.”

Since she was being so nice I told her that I would think about it. I went home and hit the gym for two hours like I promised myself then I showered and got in bed. All my friends were busy – Preston was going to Boystown with a boy, Kendra was out of town with John and Carly was at Chris’s. I really wanted to lay around and feel sorry for myself but decided I wasn’t going to let Brady ruin me/my social life. 

I put on a black lace minidress, tights, and black booties with straightened hair and vampy maroon lipstick. We met at Leah’s friend’s apartment to pregame/take pics for Instagram and I even posted one where me and my new friends looked super cute to Facebook in case Brady logged on. 

We started off at a lowkey place with wine and appetizers. Leah’s friends were nice, but I was a little annoyed at how prudish they were. They were standoffish to every guy who approached us, scoffed at people who were dancing and started yawning around 11:30.

I think Leah felt the same way so we suggested we all go to a bar that we knew would be more wild. We were celebrating a birthday, for goodness sakes. The next bar was a lot more crowded and the music was louder and everyone seemed to be inebriated. Perfect. Leah and I went to the bartender and ordered six tequila shots. As soon as we cheersed and took our shots, I turned around to hide my grossed out shot face and ran right into Carly’s brother, Kyle.

“Hey you!” he exclaimed, grabbing me. Kyle is so hot. I quickly tried to recover.

“Hey! How have you been?” I asked. We hugged.

He told me about how he’d moved into a condo not far from my apartment and I asked why he didn’t tell me sooner, I needed to welcome him to the neighborhood!

“Well, you’re with that guy. I don’t want to intrude or anything, you know?” Kyle said. I knew that he didn’t care about intruding by the way he was looking at me and touching my hip.

“Not that it matters, but we broke up,” I said as nonchalantly as possible. I think I sounded like a bitter bitch though.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Are you okay?”

I shrugged. “I’m fine. I don’t even care.”

Leah grabbed my shoulder and shoved a drink in my hand and told me we were going to the other side of the bar. I told Kyle I would find him later. Leah’s friends were still being kind of lame, but luckily Leah was still down to have fun. We mingled and drank and I was actually having fun and not feeling super depressed. 

A few drinks later (I was still buying my own #independent), I ran into Kyle again on my way out of the bathroom. We started talking and found ourselves sitting at one of the long hightop tables. He asked why Brady and I broke up which I don’t think he had any right to ask. But whatever. I made up some vague “mutual decision” excuse and he started telling me how amazing I am and blah blah blah. Then he pulled my face toward him and we started making out.

When we pulled away, I felt this rush surge through me. Not like fireworks or butterflies or anything ridiculous like that – it was like an adrenaline rush from kissing someone new. Is that bad? 

A little while later we went our seperate ways and Kyle told me to keep him posted on where we ended up going. Leah’s friends got tired and went home, but Leah and I went to another bar, met some guys to buy us drinks, danced, then went home. I had fun with Leah. She’s one of those genuinely nice people who doesn’t have to try too hard to be nice.

When I got home Kyle texted me asking where we were. I told him that we’d called it a night and I was at home (I left out the detail that I was drunkly heating up a frozen burrito).

He said, “Do you want some company tonight?”

I replied, “Maybe.” I knew what “company” meant and I wasn’t sure if I wanted any. I did want to tease him a bit, regardless.

Kyle sent back a smiling emoji and asked for my address. I debated with myself for about fifteen minutes then I grabbed my phone and typed in my address. Then I threw my phone down and chugged a beer I found in my fridge. I didn’t know what to do. Why was I allowing Kyle to come over? I knew it was a bad idea, even in my drunken stupor. I think I was just enjoying the attention a little too much.

Kyle texted me when he was downstairs and I decided to go get him instead of buzzing him up. Luckily my normal doorman wasn’t working and couldn’t see me bringing home a different guy. Can’t have him judging me.

When we got up to my apartment I told Kyle to sit on the couch and I got him a beer and asked if he wanted a burrito. He did and the one I planned on eating was the last one I had. I was annoyed, but still gave it to him. While he ate my last burrito, I ran in my room to change. I was just wearing a t-shirt when I peeked back out to the living room and Kyle saw me.

“Look at you! Come here,” he said and I ran to take cover because I was half naked.

Kyle followed me into my room and spun me around so he could kiss me. He was kind of trying to walk me back to my bed, but I pushed him away. If this was going to happen, it was going to be on my terms.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Get on the bed,” I instructed.

He did, but grabbed me so I was on top of him. I pushed him back and we kissed for a while. Then he said, “Do you have a condom, Reese?”

I sat back up and shook my head furiously. Kyle shrugged and said, “I might have one. Just a sec.”

He quickly pulled a condom out of his jeans pocket without having to look at all. At the time I was like whatever, at least he came prepared, but now I’m just annoyed because obviously he came over expecting to get some.

So we had sex. Well, kind of. He pushed his pants down a bit and put the condom on then we started having sex with me on top and both of our shirts still on. It started off fine and I was even enjoying it. And then I made the mistake of looking down at Kyle. Don’t get me wrong, Kyle is beautiful, but he’s just not Brady. And he’s Carly’s brother who she’s told me a million times is off limits. And the way he was just laying there, looking all smug like “Ha, I finally fucked her,” made me lose it. I started crying.

Kyle didn’t notice at first until I started sniffling. He looked at me and saw that I was crying and said, “Uh…are you okay?”

I wanted to shout, “Do I look okay?!” but instead I dismounted and sat on the bed next to him. By then I was bawling. Rebound dick was the worst idea ever. 

“Reese, what’s wrong?” Kyle persisted.

I glanced at him, laying on my bed with his penis out and I just felt gross. I don’t even think I’d changed my sheets since the last time Brady and I had sex in my bed. I was disgusted.

“I think you should leave,” I managed between my sobs.

“Uhh,” Kyle waited a moment, probably to make sure I was serious. “Okay.”

“Please don’t tell Carly that this happened.”

“I won’t.” I heard Kyle get up and pull his pants up and then say, “See you later,” before letting himself out.

Luckily I past out right after that. On Saturday morning, I made Preston get breakfast with me. I had to tell him what happened and how his idea backfired. After I told him the story he said, “Holy fuck. Kyle is so sexy though. Was it big?”

I could barely remember and I really didn’t care. “It was really long. It wasn’t super thick or anything. It was pretty nice.”

“Mmmm, I wanna see it,” Preston said dreamily.

“But that doesn’t change the fact that I should have never had sex with him. I literally hate myself right now.”

“Oh, buttercup, you’re being dramatic. Let’s go shopping after this and you’ll forget all about it.”

“Preston, this isn’t something shopping can fix.” I had to look skyward so my tears wouldn’t fall. I was not going to cry in the middle of a restaurant. “I’m still in love with Brady and I fucking miss him.”

“Here’s what I think,” Preston said and I prepared myself for his brutally honest opinion. “You need to call him. I know, I know, you don’t think it’s your job to have to call him, but if you miss him as much as you say you do, you’ll have to. What do you have to lose? If you don’t call him, he isn’t going to call you and you’ll never speak to him again. If you do call him, he will either want to talk or he won’t. If he does, perfect. If he doesn’t, then whatever. You’ll move on. I can name a thousand guys who would love a chance with you.”

“Wait. You really don’t think he will call me?”

Preston shook his head as he sipped his latte. “He isn’t going to call you, boo. When have we ever seen Brady go after what he wanted? Didn’t you have to shove your tits in his face to get him to have sex with you?”

I did. And it had been exactly ten days since the last time I had seen or spoken to him and I hadn’t heard a peep from Brady at all. I could be dead for all he knows. Does he even care?

Kyle texted me on Saturday morning too. He said, “Hey. I hope you’re doing better today. Let me know if you need anything.” Which was really sweet, but I didn’t respond. Too embarrassed and ashamed.

Later on, I got on Facebook and saw that I had uploaded a really cute selfie of me and Kyle with the caption, “Look who I ran into!” I don’t even remember doing that. Even though it had 72 likes and I looked really hot, I deleted it. Can’t have any evidence.

So yeah. Definitely hooked up with someone I shouldn’t have over the weekend. Preston is the only person who knows because everyone else would murder me. This sounds bad, but me hooking up with Kyle might be a good sign that I’m getting back to normal (not heartbroken and sad). So it’s a good thing, right?! No? I’m kidding. I hate myself.

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