i’m pregnant.

On Monday, I was actually busy at work. Dave and Diana are going on a business trip next Monday through Wednesday and someone is going to have to run the office. So Diana forwarded me the how-to manual on the office operations and I took some time to read through it. After a few hours I started feeling like my eyes were crossing from reading so much. I pulled out my phone to check Pinterest, SnapChat, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

Mark had texted me a listing for a condo he thought I would love and asked if I wanted to see it soon. It was a gorgeous updated high rise, but it was a studio and I have way too much shit for a studio. I told him to keep looking.

I logged onto Facebook and the first thing that came up on my newsfeed was a location check-in from Jessica.

“Lunch with my favorite people,” she said and tagged three people including Brady. I almost dropped my phone.

It was from five minutes prior so I knew they were probably still eating. I couldn’t believe it. Brady assured me that he was no longer speaking to her. Why were they going on lunch dates together? Clearly, he lied and they probably never stopped talking or hanging out. Before I could stop myself, I dialed Brady’s number on my office phone. I had to get to the bottom of this ASAP.

He didn’t answer and I assumed it was because he didn’t recognize the number. I called him again from my cell phone and it went to voicemail after only two rings. RUDE. He obviously ignored my phone call on purpose. What if it was an emergency? I could be dying! I felt my body shaking with anger.

I texted him, “I’m pregnant.” and sat my phone down to continue working. I giggled when he called back three minutes later (which is actually a long time to wait to check in on your unborn child’s mother).

I obviously didn’t answer and instead texted, “Can’t talk, I’m super busy right now.”

“You’re pregnant?” Brady asked immediately.

“Yes,” was all I said back. I felt kind of evil for lying to him, but I would tell him the truth after I got some answers about Jessica. He needed to be punished.

“Can you please step out or something so we can talk?” Brady asked.

Before I could tell him no, my office phone rang and Diana asked me to meet her in Dave’s office so we could go over some things. They spent an hour going over the troubleshooting guide just in case anything crazy happens while they are gone. I mean I get it, they want to be prepared, but I’ve run the office plenty of times while they both were out. Things will be fine.

After that, Dave wanted to take us out for drinks and obviously we didn’t object. I was so thirsty for free drinks that I completely forgot about my phone and telling Brady I was pregnant. By the time we got back to the office it was 4:30. I had two missed calls and several text messages.

“Answer the phone please.”

“Reese.”

“Seriously. I’m freaking out here.”

I felt terrible and decided I would come clean and give him an amazing blow job later.

“Let’s talk later,” I texted back and wrapped up for the day.

Brady called at around six when he got off and asked to come over. I said sure. When he got there, I buzzed him in and opened the door when he knocked.

“You’re off early today,” I said, hugging him.

“Yeah,” was all he said.

We pulled away and I gave Brady my most innocent smile. I hoped he wouldn’t be pissed.

“Are you really pregnant?” he asked me.

I waited a few seconds before saying, “No.”

Brady let out a deep breath. “Then why did you say you were?” He sounded frustrated – almost whiney – but not particularly mad.

“So you went to lunch with Jessica? You said you haven’t talked to her. Sounds like you guys are great friends to me,” I said in an accusatory voice.

“A lot of people went, not just the two of us. I didn’t talk to her.”

“Okay.” I wanted to press the issue, but I didn’t want to come off as an insecure brat like Saturday night.

“Why did you lie, Reese? I told my brother and I’m sure he’s already told my mom.”

Oops.

“Sorry,” I said meekly. I actually really did feel bad. His mother would probably disown him.

“It’s okay,” Brady sighed, but I knew it wasn’t.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that Jessica tagged you on Facebook and you guys haven’t talked in three weeks?” I asked.

“Kind of, yes.”

“You haven’t talked to her in three weeks, right?”

“Reese, it’s hard. We work primarily on the same floors and she’s very persistent. I do my best to avoid her.”

What?

“So you guys never stopped talking?” I clarified.

“I told her that you would prefer if she and I didn’t talk anymore and at first, she respected that. The only time she would talk to me was about work related matters. Then she started back asking how my weekend was and stuff like that. I can’t be rude.”

I nodded. So is that why Jessica added me on Facebook – so she could tag Brady in statuses and brag that they are still friends? Cool.

“Do you want to get dinner?” Brady asked and I nodded. I slipped on my Prada flats, grabbed a jacket and followed Brady out the door.

We went to a bar and grill near my apartment and got beer and appetizers to share. By the time I finished my first beer, Brady was on his third. I hope I’m not driving him into a drinking problem. I know I’m a handful.

When we got back to my apartment I put a movie in and we snuggled.

“Reese, I don’t want Jessica to continue to cause conflict between us,” Brady said out of nowhere. “I’m not interested in her romantically or sexually at all.”

“…Okay,” I started.

“I love everything about you. I only want you right now,” he continued.

Right now? What did that mean?

“I wish you would trust my word on that. I think you’re still punishing me for not being upfront about her. Everyday you have a new issue with me and it seems like there’s nothing I can about it.”

When he said that I really felt bad. Brady completely trusts me and doesn’t seem to be guarding his emotions. At any moment I could rip his heart right out of his chest and stomp it to pieces. Isn’t he afraid of that? I am. That’s why I’m so guarded. But if he’s making himself vulnerable and I’m not, that isn’t fair.

So I’ve decided that I’m going to stop being a psychopath and let myself love him. I mean, I’m going to try. I think he deserves that much.

calm down.

On Saturday evening, we all went on some sort of mega quintuple-date. There was of course Brady and me, then Carly and Chris, Kendra and John, Preston and Dillon and Brady and Chris’s friend Jacob and his girlfriend, Stacey. We went to this tavern and got dinner and drinks. Carly, Preston and I pretty much dominated the conversation mainly because we were the only ones who took advantage of the three dollar shots. I was drunk and hadn’t even spent $20 on drinks so I was pretty happy about that.

I was telling the group about my recent brush with death (crossing the street when a police car ran a red light – no lights or sirens on) and everyone was laughing and clearly enjoying my story. But Brady put an arm around me and whispered, “Calm down,” into my ear.

Is there anything worse than when you’re drunk and someone tells you to calm down and you are already calm?

I glared at him. “I am calm.”

“Okay,” he said and patted my shoulder. Ugh.

After dinner we walked next door to a lowkey club/lounge. The boys hung out at the bar while the girls plus Preston and Dillon took our drinks to the dance floor.

Naturally we danced nonstop and kept flagging down those skanky cocktail waitresses for more drinks. I discovered that I absolutely love Dillon because he’s exactly like me. Every time a new song came on, we screamed because it was our “jam.” So fun. We were fucking shwasted so Carly, Preston, Dillon and I were probably causing a bit of a scene.

I excused myself and went to find Brady. He was with Kendra, John, Chris and Jacob near the bar. I didn’t even notice that Kendra left our group.

“Gawd, can you leave your boyfriend’s side for five fucking minutes?” I asked.

Kendra narrowed her eyes at me. “You guys were embarrassing me.”

Ugh. She’s so insecure. Who cares if we were acting a fool on the dance floor? We were having fun.

The bartender girl appeared and said, “Brady, do you want another Bud Light?”

My head jerked back toward her. Excuse me? Why was she calling my boyfriend by his first name? And why did she look like Blake Lively?

“Do you guys know each other?” I asked Brady.

“What? She’s the bartender,” Brady answered giving me a weird look.

“Yeah, right. How does she know your name?” Drunk Reese glared.

“Probably because I opened a tab with my credit card…which has my name on it.”

“You’ve been waiting to use that excuse all night. How do you know her?”

The bartender was watching the encounter and said, “Ma’am, settle down. I don’t know your boyfriend. I’m just serving drinks.”

I spun around to face her. “Did I ask you?”

She put her hands up like she was going to stay out of it then walked away.

“That was extremely rude,” Brady said.

“I know! I’m going to ask to speak with her manager and get her fired,” I replied.

Brady touched my waist. “No, I mean you. You owe her an apology.”

“Are you taking her side?”

Brady actually rolled his eyes at me and sighed deeply like I was the problem. “Reese, stop.”

I pulled myself away and Brady tried to grab my hand.

“Well, I hope you and Blake enjoy your night. Toodles!”

I stormed off and grabbed Carly, Preston and Dillon and we went outside and found a transient/hipster to give us cigarettes. I have to be really, really drunk and upset to smoke a cig and clearly I was at that point.

I started complaining about Shady Brady and the incident at the bar. Dillon was totally on my side and said that I should definitely look into getting Blake terminated.

“I’m just so over it,” I said taking a long drag of my cigarette. “I can’t even trust him at the bar alone.”

“There’s Brady right there!” Carly exclaimed and Brady and Chris came walking out of the club.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Brady asked as they approached us and then he snatched the cigarette out of my mouth.

“Rude!” I shouted as he threw it on the ground.

Chris mentioned that Uber was coming so Carly and I started saying goodbye to Preston and Dillon.

“Sext me, Dill. Love you guys,” I said hugging both of them.

We got to the duplex (after I demanded we make a pit stop at Taco Bell) and Brady and I went to his room. I started reapplying my lipstick and taking selfies in the bathroom.

“Let’s go to bed, Reese,” Brady said gently. He was already undressed and under the covers.

“Sure, so you can go have sex with Blake while I’m sleeping?” I said.

“Who is Blake?” he asked.

“That bartender ho you’re cheating on me with.”

“Reese, stop that right now,” Brady said, now stern. “We are going to sleep.”

Drunk Reese ignored him and started playing Candy Crush. Brady waited about ten minutes then said, “Are you getting in bed?”

“Fine!” I mumbled and then took off everything except my thong. I climbed into bed and Brady draped an arm around my waist.

“Why are you mad at the bartender?” he asked me.

“She was flirting with you,” I answered.

“No she wasn’t. She was being friendly.”

“She wants to suck your dick.”

“Stop, Reese. I don’t like you like this. You’re being crazy.”

Crazy. Isn’t that what Eric or whatever his name was called me? I didn’t say anything.

“You don’t have anything to worry about. You’re the only one I want,” Brady said.

Barf.

But that was enough to get me to relax and make out with him until I fell asleep.

On Sunday morning I woke up violently hungover and spent three hours on Brady’s bathroom floor. Way too many cheap shots. Brady begged to help nurse me back to health, but I was too grossed out to even let him see me.

I finally showered and emerged from the bathroom and let Brady take me to dunch (dinner/lunch). After a double cheeseburger, fries and a hot dog I felt as good as new.

Brady told me that his older brother is visiting next weekend so I’ll get to meet him. Yippee. I bet he’s such a nerd. Can’t wait to help him get laid!

bad news and good news.

On Wednesday morning I had an appointment with my gynecologist for my yearly checkup. I was actually anxious to know if 1. I was pregnant and 2. If I had contracted any stids. I wasn’t worried about any of that until I talked to Kendra. She has a way of making you think the worst about your situation.

“Have you gotten your period?” she asked me on Tuesday night.

“Kendra, I haven’t gotten my period in a year,” I rolled my eyes. She knows that.

“First of all, I don’t think that’s normal. Ask your doctor about that tomorrow,” she said.

I rolled my eyes again.

“Second of all, if you don’t get a period, how do you know if you’re pregnant or not? Isn’t that scary?”

I actually haven’t had a pregnancy scare since going on birth control so I didn’t really have an answer to that. I guess I rely on the 99.9% effectiveness.

My gyno, Dr. Stringer, is a lanky flamboyant man who I would think is gay if he didn’t have photos of his wife and all his kids all over his office. After the nurse drew blood, I got naked and put on a hospital gown and waited for him in the examining room.

“Reese, darling,” he said, knocking on the door. He walked in with the nurse following him. “I was wondering when I would see you again. How have you been?”

See? What straight man says “darling?”

“I’ve been great. Thanks for seeing me on such short notice,” I said. Usually Dr. Stringer books appointments weeks and weeks out. Luckily since I’m a VIP patient (lol), I was able to get an appointment within a week.

“Anything for you! Are we just doing your routine yearly checkup today?” he asked.

“Yes. And a pregnancy test,” I replied.

“Of course. Do you have concerns that you may be pregnant?” Dr. Stringer looked at me over the top of his glasses.

“No, I just figure we may as well make sure while I’m here.”

“Very well then.” He put his clipboard down then popped on a pair of latex gloves. “Lay back and spread them!”

The actual examine didn’t take long, but Dr. Stringer talked to me the whole time and made candid comments about my vagina which was really odd. He finally said he was all done and that he and the nurse would be back with some results in a few minutes.

While I was getting dressed, I started to seriously think about what I would do if I was pregnant. I feel like I know Brady pretty well, but not enough to have a baby with him. We would probably have to get married or at least engaged. I don’t think I’m ready for that kind of commitment. But on the bright side, at least he already owns an amazing condo and clearly has money to support his family. We would just have to evict Chris and turn his bedroom into a chic Pinterest-worthy nursery and hire a full time nanny/servant.

By the time Dr. Stringer returned I was convinced that I was pregnant and trying to figure out how I was going to break the news to my parents. They only just found out about Brady.

“All right, Miss Reese,” Dr. Stringer said sitting on the stool in front of me. “I have bad news and I have good news.”

My heart began racing. Bad news and good news? Bad: I was pregnant, good: I didn’t have the clap? Or the other way around?

“The bad news is… You’re not pregnant. The good news is… You’re not pregnant!” Dr. Stringer exclaimed. It took me a moment to process what he said.

“Dr. Stringer!” I groaned. “Don’t freak me out like that!”

He chuckled. “All of your tests came back negative with the exception of a couple that will take a few days to process. If you don’t hear from us within a week then everything is good.”

So there went my dreams of a fabulous nursery with a chandelier imported from Spain. Oh well. I’ve been drinking and smoking so it’s probably for the best.

After I left the doctor, I celebrated by getting froyo (with gummy bears and sprinkles #yolo) then going to the office. To be honest, I haven’t done much work at all the past week or so, so I figured I should probably get at least something done.

Except I spent the day avoiding Whitney’s emails and pinning pumpkin recipes. After work, I stopped by the boutique Preston works in to pick up a few items. Preston basically had me try on everything in the store until we decided on a dress, a sheer top, and a pair of leather leggings.

After that I met Kendra for sushi. I was so excited to tell her that I’m not pregnant AND I don’t have STDs.

“So hopefully this is a lesson learned,” she said smugly after I shared the news.

“Well now that we are both STD free, I think we can continue what we were doing,” I said.

“Why would you do that? He could be doing the same thing with ten other women,” Kendra said, looking appalled.

“No he couldn’t. He’s not some player, Kendra. He’s my boyfriend.”

“Okay well do what you want. I’ve given up trying to give you advice. You always do whatever the fuck you want anyway.”

So that was the end of that. I love Kendra to death, but she’s just so judgmental. She always has to object to every single thing I do. She doesn’t understand that everyone’s life isn’t exactly like hers. It’s her way or you’re wrong/stupid. It’s draining. Additionally, how can she lecture me on something she and John do and have done for years? And by the way, I can’t believe we’re arguing about condoms. Ugh.

I went to Brady’s after sushi and immediately ran into Chris. I haven’t seen him since he walked in on me and Brady having sex and I was actually really not embarrassed. Oh well if he might’ve gotten a peek at my goodies. At least he got a nice show.

i just love you.

When I got back to Chicago on Sunday night, Brady picked me up from the airport. As gross as this sounds, I was so happy to see him. Like I legitimately missed him. I threw my arms around him and kissed him and we walked hand in hand to his car. Ugh. Like high schoolers.

Brady asked if I wanted to come over and even though I knew I needed to go home to get ready for work on Monday I told him yes. Whatever, YOLO, etc.

When we got there, Carly was already there.

“Oh my gosh, Reesie Puff! You’re home!” She pulled me into a hug. “You missed it, we went out with Preston’s new boyfriend last night. He’s so much fun, you’re going to love him!”

She told me about how he gave her a twerking lesson and they all took molly and danced all night. Sounds like a good time to me.

Carly said she and Chris were on their way to go smoke and asked if we wanted to join. I looked at Brady and he was looking back at me like he was waiting for my answer. I looked back at Carly who was smiling and nodding excitedly. I figured why the hell not? I’m curious about how all this works anyway.

We went downstairs and they started getting everything ready. I’ve been around smokers enough to recognize a bong when Chris pulled it out. The whole apparatus looked super complicated, but Chris and Brady got it up and running quickly. The Other Woman was playing as they passed the bong down the couch. Even though I watched Chris, Carly and Brady take a hit from the bong, by the time it reached me I realized I had no idea what to do.

Carly saw me struggling so she shouted, “Light the bowl!” or something like that?

Bowl? What bowl? I looked at Brady and since he’s such a good and caring boyfriend, he walked me through the whole thing – lighting the weed, sucking in the smoke, taking the little pipe thing out, etc. Super complex. Eating a weed laced cookie seemed so much easier. I did fine except when I exhaled all the smoke and had a coughing fit. That shit burned.

“Are you okay?” Brady asked.

I nodded and shoved the bong back at him and decided that I would just take that one hit. I didn’t want to ruin my pretty pink lungs anyway.

They passed it down the line and it reached me again.

“I’m okay,” I said, when Brady tried to hand me the bong.

“Come on, Reese. Just one more!” Carly enthused, giggling.

Fine. I took the bong and did it all on my own. And didn’t almost die from coughing. Such a pro. I fell onto the arm of the couch and closed my eyes for what felt like hours. I felt like I was asleep, but I still heard them talking and laughing and everything. It was a really weird feeling.

Brady nudged me. “Hey. How are you feeling?”

“Wonderful,” I sang, not moving.

I laid there a while longer, but suddenly felt someone on my lap.

“Hi Reesie Cup!” Carly squealed when I opened my eyes. “I love you!”

She hugged me and gave me a wet kiss. I laughed and hugged her back and then she jumped up and said she was going to order a pizza.

Brady leaned over to me and asked if I wanted to go upstairs.

“Yeah,” I said. I felt Brady get up, but I literally could not move. “I’m stuck.”

He smiled and reached down to hoist me up, but I was like a dead body. I laughed and the next thing I knew, Brady picked me up and started carrying me upstairs like it was our wedding night.

“I just love you,” I sighed. Brady isn’t very big, but he was carrying me around like an infant. I was impressed.

“I love you,” he said back and dropped me on his bed. I immediately stripped off my clothes and got under the comforter.

Brady took off his shirt and got in bed next to me.

“Didn’t you miss me?” I asked.

“Mmhm. I missed you a lot,” he said and started kissing me.

We ended up having sex with him on top, but also having a conversation.

“I thought about you all weekend,” he said.

“Did you like the picture I sent you?” I asked, referring to my telfie (titty selfie).

“Yeah. It was torture.”

I smiled, satisfied.

Right in the middle of our session, Brady’s door flew open.

“Hey, the pizza’s here,” I heard Chris say.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Brady shouted, but didn’t stop thrusting.

“We’ll save you a few slices,” Chris said and shut the door.

I can’t remember falling asleep, but Brady woke me up in the morning to take me home. I don’t know what came over me, but I literally could not get out of bed.

“Just leave me here,” I whined, pulling the blanket over my head.

“I can’t. You need to go get ready for work,” Brady said.

“I don’t want toooooo,” I continued on.

“You have to.”

I won the battle by telling Brady that I would go into the office later. Instead, I called Diana and told her my flight was delayed so I was still in Houston then I slept until noon. I woke up and sat in bed for about ten minutes then got up to find my phone. I found it on Brady’s dresser and I was disappointed when I only had two new texts. One was from Brady asking if I’d made it to work yet. Ugh. Can I live?

I noticed some papers that looked like mail on the dresser and I know you guys are going to judge, but I had to look at them. Like I physically could not stop myself.

On top was some sort of bank statement and when I saw his savings account balance, my jaw literally dropped. He could probably buy me a condo outright with the money he has saved. How the fuck can he save money like that?

I felt guilty about looking through his stuff so I stopped there. I still can’t believe how much money he has though. Like it almost makes me uncomfortable.

I showered and decided that since I had the day off I would go meet that banker lady to see if I can actually afford to buy a house. I took the bus home to get my car then barged into the bank to get some answers. I had to wait for thirty minutes since she was with a client, but whatever.

Her name is Allison and she had the chicest blonde bob. It almost made me want to cut my hair (but I would never). We talked about my salary and down payment and she calculated how much I could spend to keep my mortgage payment the same as my rent payment (assuming I have good credit which I do, obviously). I would have to go through some extra steps to get pre-approved she said, but I didn’t have time for that.

I spent the rest of the day shopping and avoiding texts from Brady since I was supposed to be busy at work. Oops.

When he got off, I invited myself over and we had leftover pizza and beer. Remember when he said I was low maintenance? I’m starting to believe I am.

three generations of me.

My flight left Chicago at 3:30 on Friday afternoon so I just took the entire day off. Since Carly was off too she agreed to take me to the airport and we stopped to get lunch beforehand. I asked her about the wedding and she said that Chris invited her so she planned on going. Cool. Glad I was left out of those plans. We ended up getting margaritas and getting a little tipsy because why not?

Except while I was using the bathroom at the airport I dropped my Eddie Borgo bracelet in the toilet after I peed and had to stick my hand in and fish it out. #notsorry and #dontjudge.

Luckily I slept it off and felt great by the time we landed a little after 6:00. My parents were supposed to pick me up and I couldn’t wait to see them. I called my dad when I got there and he informed me that he was waiting outside my terminal, but my mom was shopping in the gift shop. Of course. I claimed my bag then went and met my dad. After we hugged, we spent twenty minutes looking for my mother.

We finally found her coming out of duty free with two shopping bags in her hand.

“Oh my God! Look at my baby!” she cried and dropped her bags to hug me.

If there is anyone in the world who is more over the top than me, it’s my mother.

“Hi Mom,” I said.

She pulled away and gave me a once over. “You look too thin. Have you been eating?”

“Of course!” I beamed. Even if it was just my mom, I loved that someone was accusing me of not eating.

“And your hair is getting so long. You look so beautiful!” She hugged me again.

We headed outside and my mom said she had a surprise. I was so excited thinking it might be a Chanel bag or something that benefitted me. Instead, we got out to the parking lot and she led us to a brand new BMW X6.

“I got a new car!” my mom exclaimed.

“Why?” I asked. Her previous BMW was still fairly new and in great condition.

“Well, it was time and I’ve been eyeing this one. Isn’t it great?”

I turned to my dad. “Daddy, you let her get this?”

My dad shrugged. “I had nothing to do with this.”

“When you got a new car, I got inspired. Isn’t it perfect? Get in!”

On the way home, she rambled on about all the features and how much she loved her new car. Super obnoxious. Didn’t she want to know about me?! I had so much to tell her.

Our house is in a planned community just north of downtown Houston and I was so nostalgic when I saw my childhood home – a modern but charming, 4/3.5 on a cul-de-sac. So many good ass memories there. I dropped my stuff off in my old bedroom which my mom has turned into her spare closet and makeup room. My dad told us he had an important call to make so he hid out in his little office while my mom and I sat around the kitchen island with wine.

“So I have a bomb to drop on you,” I said.

My mom gasped. “You’re pregnant.”

“No, Mom! God!” I scoffed giving her a dirty look. Of course that was the first thing she assumed. She is so dramatic.

“You’re moving back home?” she guessed again.

“No.”

“You wrecked your car?”

“No, Mom. Why don’t you just let me tell you?”

“Okay, fine.”

I took a sip of wine to keep the suspense going a little longer. Then I said, “I have a boyfriend.”

My mom gasped louder than when she thought I was pregnant. “You have a what?”

“A boyfriend,” I repeated.

My mom looked at me and smiled, almost like she was proud. “Well, who is he? What’s his name?”

“His name is Brady. He’s a pharmacist from Massachusetts,” I said. I felt so dorky trying to describe him. “Carly is dating his roommate which is how we met.”

My mom’s hand flew to her heart, like she was falling in love with him. “Do you have a picture?”

My favorite picture of Brady and me is one Carly took on the night we all got high. I wondered if my mom would be able to tell that I was blazed. Whatever. Even if she could tell, she couldn’t judge – she told me that she occasionally smokes weed when she goes out with her college friends.

I pulled up the picture on Facebook and showed her.

“Oh, he’s very cute,” she said. “Or should I say ‘hot?’ You look so happy!”

Oh, I was real happy that night.

“How long has this been going on?” my mom wanted to know.

“Not long. But I’ve already met his parents.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Really? What are they like?”

“They’re okay. His mom is the CEO of a hospital and his dad is like a state rep or something. They didn’t like me after I told them I voted for Obama.”

“You voted for Obama?” my mom asked, giving me a disapproving look.

“No! I just told them that because I thought that’s who I thought they voted for. I didn’t vote at all,” I explained.

“Okay good.” She looked relieved. “I’m so excited, darling. Are you guys going to get engaged? Married?”

“I don’t know, Mom!” I shouted. “Why are you jumping to conclusions? We just started dating.”

“It’s becoming time for you to settle down, babe. That’s all I’m saying. Does your dad know?”

I shook my head. “No. And don’t tell him! I want to tell him myself.”

“Okay.” My mom pulled me into a hug. “I can tell you are so happy!”

We talked some more and caught up on life. I told her what’s been going on at work with Whitney and she told me to show that bitch who’s boss. Lol thanks Mom. Noted. She said she was going to have drinks with her friends and invited me, but I politely declined. I would rather stay home and watch Teen Mom 2 than get drunk with my mother.

When my dad got off the phone we hung out in the den and talked for a bit. While we were talking I pulled up Facebook because I needed to make a status letting everyone know that I was in town for the weekend. I had a friend request from some person named Jessica and with all the makeup and filters going on in her profile picture, I didn’t recognize her at first. When I saw that Brady was our only mutual friend, I realized who it was.

BITCH.

What made her even think she had the right to add me? It’s not like Brady and I are Facebook official, meaning she had to go dig to find me. Creep. I quickly accepted, but only so I could look at her profile.

I was mostly just looking for signs that she and Brady have hung out outside of work, but all I saw were pictures of her in her bikini. Ugh, she’s so thirsty for attention. Like we get it, you have a nice body. I thought about screenshoting her profile and showing Brady that she added me, but decided to wait and see if he brings it up.

On Saturday morning, we planned on going to brunch with my mom’s parents. My dad and I got in the car and waited for my mom (who was going to sit in the backseat since she decided to take so long). He said that my mom told him that I have a boyfriend so naturally I threw a tantrum since my mom can’t keep her big mouth shut. He said that she told him not to tell me that he knew, but clearly my dad can’t keep anything to himself either. I refused to tell him anything about Brady since I was so annoyed with the two of them.

By the time we got to brunch, I was no longer mad and I was so excited to see my cute little grandparents. My grandma is exactly like me and my mom – sassy and over the top. Just imagine there being three generations of me. My grandpa is more reserved and quiet and definitely enjoys being at home (unlike my grandma who is always out). When I was growing up, I was a tomboy (if you can believe it) and I would spend a lot of time doing outdoorsy stuff with my grandpa. I can’t believe I used to like, fish and hike and shit. Gross.

The first thing my grandma said when she saw me was, “Who is he?”

So my mom told them about Brady as well. Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m surprised. She also told my whole family that I got my period the day it happened.

My mom wanted to apologize for her big ass mouth so after brunch we went to the Galleria and spent a really unnecessary amount of money. I forgive her, but I definitely won’t forget.

While we were out at the mall Carly sent me a selfie of her, Brady and Chris that they’d taken at the wedding. Carly and Chris looked okay, but Brady looked so fucking hot and I realized how #blessed he is. And I am too (can’t wait to ride his gorgeous face again).

On Saturday night, I made plans to go out with one of my friends from high school, Brittany. Brittany is that girl who you can party with every night, but not ever have an actual conversation with. Our friendship is so superficial. I don’t know anything about her except that her go-to drink is a Redbull vodka and we both wear a size 6.5/7 in heels.

Brittany and I went to a nightclub in downtown Houston where she had a table in VIP. Since she’s apparently some sort of Houston socialite (I don’t know of any full time job she has), we were surrounded by a ton of people and kept getting free bottles and drinks.

You guys know what happened next. The highlights I can remember:

1. I saw a guy I messed around with in high school, caught up with him and let him know that he’s still hot, and we exchanged numbers. Apparently he has some sort of girlfriend though and she was not happy about our reunion. She called me a skinny tramp, but my drunk ass didn’t care. My girl Brittany however, knocked homegirl’s drink onto her lap and had her kicked out of VIP. Thanks Britt.

2. Someone threw a $100 bill in the bartender tip bowl. I took it.

3. I used the $100 to buy everyone Whataburger. Not proud.

4. I drunk dialed Brady and told him how much I missed him, sent him a picture of my tits from Brittany’s bathroom, tried to have phone sex.

On Sunday morning, Brittany woke me up at some ungodly hour. The thing about Brittany is she is so used to partying every single night that she is immune to hangovers. She insisted we go lay out by her pool with our friend Natalie before I had to catch my flight back to Chicago later. I ended up falling asleep by the pool and woke up because my mom called to tell me we were going to lunch.

So naturally I had to order a bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a Diet Coke to cure my hangover. I told my parents about Mark and the beautiful apartment I saw and my dad said that if I was seriously considering buying that he would help me.

“It’s wonderful that you’re thinking like a grown up and putting your money toward your future,” he said and let me know that he could help with a down payment. Score!

Then I finally told him all about Brady while my mom sat by smiling and nodding like a stage mom.

“Let me guess, he spoils you and gives you whatever you want?” my dad said in a mocking kind of voice.

Since we were just discussing how mature and independent I was becoming, I denied the accusation. “Of course not.”

“Then why are you dating him?”

Which was cute.

Anyways, until next time, H-Town. ✌️

stids.

I was actually happy that Preston and Carly had to work on Wednesday night because I had some things to discuss with Kendra privately. Even though she’s a judgmental asshole sometimes, I can talk about anything with her. I’ve known her forever and have told her literally everything. And she’s still friends with me so.

“So I have a confession,” I said after we were seated and the waitress delivered our martinis and turkey sliders.

“Do I even want to know?” Kendra rolled her eyes.

“Yes because you’re going to get to judge the shit out of me,” I said.

“Spill.”

“Brady and I have been having unprotected sex.”

“Oh, Reese. That’s such a bad idea.”

“I know,” I said, taking a sip of my drink. “But I’m on birth control at least.”

“Still. Birth control isn’t 100% effective.”

“When’s the last time you and John used a condom?” I asked because I know for a fact that they don’t use them.

Kendra took a dainty bite of her burger. She knew she was caught.

“John and I haven’t used a condom in years,” she said and I gave her a raised eyebrow look.

“But when we stopped using them we both got checked for STDs and get checkups every year. And we’ve been in a committed relationship for over six years. It’s not like either of us is sleeping with other people.”

“You don’t think John has ever cheated on you?”

“Reese, no. Why would you even ask me that? When would John even have time to cheat on me?”

I shrugged. “Do you think Brady is sleeping with other people?”

“I have no idea. I honestly don’t know him that well…just the things you tell me.”

I sat there thinking. Even after everything that happened with Brady and Jessica, I don’t think he is actually having sex with anyone else. We literally spend every night together.

“I’m not even saying this in a judgey kind of way. I’m saying this as a friend. You need to protect yourself, Reese.”

I nodded.

After happy hour, I went home to start getting ready for my trip. I told my parents that I’m coming because I wouldn’t put it past them to take a spontaneous trip out of town the weekend I come. My mom is ecstatic and can’t wait to show me all the new shit she’s bought lately.

In the middle of packing, Brady stopped by on his way home from work. He watched me filling my suitcase up and I asked him if he wanted to get a plane ticket and come with me.

“That does sound tempting,” Brady said. “But I actually have plans.”

My eyebrows shot up. Plans? What the fuck kind of plans could he have that didn’t involve me? He obviously was trying to get rid of me for the weekend so he could do something shady.

“What kind of plans?” I asked.

“Chris and I are running a 10k and one of our friends is getting married.”

“Oh.”

So he wanted to get rid of me so he wouldn’t have to take me to the wedding with him.

“I can cancel everything if you want me to go. I would love to see where you’re from,” Brady added, which was so sweet.

“You don’t have to,” I said. I began throwing the contents of my bikini drawer into my suitcase. You just never know what you might get into in H-Town.

“Do you think we should get tested for STDs?” I blurted out, pronouncing STDs as “stids” like one of my old college professors did. [does stids stand for sexually transmitted infections and diseases? I’m trying to figure this out]

Brady looked taken aback. “Uh, yeah. I mean, we could if you deem it necessary. I was just tested a month or so ago though.”

“And you’re clean?” The way I said that made it sound like he was a former drug addict and Brady kind of laughed.

“Yes. All clean over here.”

He was too much of a gentleman to ask the last time I was tested, which was last year at my annual check up with my gyno. I probably need to schedule my appointment for this year soon. I sat there thinking, Brady just got tested a month ago. Why did he feel like he needed to be tested a month ago? Was it because of a scare or just routine? I hated thinking about him being with someone before me, but clearly there was someone and it was recent. And ick, did Brady have unprotected sex with whoever it was too?

I finished packing and started tidying up to keep myself busy. After our STD talk I just wasn’t in the mood to do anything. Brady asked if I was okay.

“I’m great. Just want to make sure my apartment is clean before I leave,” I said.

Brady nodded and watched me for a few more minutes then he pushed me back on my bed. Without a word, he pulled off my shorts and underwear and started eating me out. I mean, if he insisted.

Normally I just close my eyes and enjoy it while receiving oral, but I just so happened to glance down at Brady. He was watching me and we made eye contact. It was like he was trying to show me that he trusted me – despite wanting the STD tests and stuff.

We didn’t end up having sex at all, probably because of the conversation I started. Since we aren’t using condoms, he probably doesn’t carry them with him now.

Anyways, I’ll be at my parents all weekend. I will probably update how my trip went on my flight home on Sunday or on Monday. Have a good weekend y’all!

i’m much more classy now.

On Monday I decided that I was sick of dreading going to work so I was going to take my life back. If they wanted to go through with Whitney’s bullshit ideas then fine, that’s what we would do. One part of me wanted to stay out of it completely so that when it all blew up in her face I could say I had nothing to do with it, but another part of me genuinely cares about the company and doesn’t want Whitney to run in to the ground.

I decided that I would help, but also work on my own projects. I cannot possibly put my all into something someone else was going to put their name on.

On Monday afternoon I got an email from Mark that said, “It was so nice meeting you over the weekend. I would love to assist you in finding your first home. Let’s meet for coffee this week and discuss what you’re looking for.”

I totally forgot that I told Mark I wanted to buy a house. I replied, “Thanks for contacting me. I don’t plan on buying right now or in the near future, but I’ll let you know when I’m ready. And I don’t drink coffee, sorry.”

“You know, it normally takes people several months to find the perfect place. Let’s just meet. We can grab a quick drink since you don’t like coffee,” he replied.

“Fine. I’m free tomorrow after 5:00. And I’ll get a chai latte instead of coffee.”

For the rest of the work day, I planned a preview party for the night before the holiday warehouse sale. It would be held in the showroom and we would cater finger foods like bacon wrapped shrimp. Plus a lot of alcohol obviously. I was so excited to have my own little project to work on.

After work I met with Carly for mani/pedis so we could discuss the weekend’s events.

“I know you’re not really into weed, but you had fun right?” Carly asked.

“I did, but I ate five fucking slices of pizza in one sitting. That’s unacceptable and quite frankly disgusting. If that’s what weed is going to do to me then I want no parts,” I answered.

Carly giggled. “Then you don’t even want to know how many slices I ate. Thanks for the pizza, by the way. You were the life of the party!”

“Great. I’ll put that down as an explanation on my expense report.”

We finished our pedicures and headed to the manicure stations.

“Call me naive, but I didn’t even know Brady smoked or anything,” I said.

“You’re naive. Brady smokes with us all time,” Carly revealed.

Cool. So my boyfriend is a stoner and I had no idea. I guess I should’ve known though. Everyone smokes these days.

I started to say something, but the petite Asian girl doing my nails said, “You need manicure bad.”

I just blinked at her so she added, “Real bad.”

Then she started giggling. Isn’t that rude? Did y’all see that episode of Sex and the City where Miranda always orders the same Chinese takeout and the girl laughs at her? That’s how I felt. And honestly, I know it’s been awhile since my last mani, but my nails weren’t that bad.

I made sure to hunt down the manager of the nail salon to let him know how rude his staff is. I found him and told him what happened and he said I did “need manicure.” So whatever. Won’t be going back there.

Brady came over after work and I told him about his persistent friend contacting me.

“It won’t hurt to look. You might actually find something really great,” Brady said.

Fine. So I met Mark after work on Tuesday at a coffee shop near the office. He already had a chai latte waiting for me, which was nice but wasn’t going to make me any more inclined to buy a house/condo.

“Thanks for meeting me, Reese. How was your day?” he asked after he shook my hand.

“It was fine,” I said shortly. I was ready to get this little meeting over with so I could go home and watch the episodes of Snapped I had on DVR.

“That’s what I like to hear. What is it you do for a living again?” Mark asked.

I gave him a super brief summary of my job while he nodded.

“What an interesting industry to work in. I’m willing to guess your apartment is designed very nicely.”

That was true and I even had pictures to prove it, but I didn’t have time to show off. I nodded.

“Why the resistance, Reese? Buying a home is such an exciting thing that not everyone gets the opportunity to do.”

I took a sip of my chai. “I’m just not ready to buy right now. I probably can’t even afford what I want so I don’t want to get my hopes up,” I explained.

Mark’s face lit up. “You’d be surprised what you can afford at the same amount or less than what you’re paying in rent now. A unit in this building just went on the market last week. Why don’t we go take a look?”

The coffee shop we were in was actually in the lobby of an older apartment building with dark original wood, an ornate tray ceiling and lots of moldings. It was gorgeous. He took me up a rickety flight of stairs to the fourth floor and down the hall to the last unit. When he opened the door, my jaw literally dropped.

Even though the building was older, the inside of the apartment was completely redone. It had the same dark wood floor from downstairs and huge windows on two of the walls because it was a corner unit. The kitchen opened up the living area and was completely updated with dark cabinets, light granite counter tops, a sparkly dark blue back splash and stainless steel applicances. The bathroom had the same cabinets and counter tops with a separate glassed-in shower and jetted bathtub. Down the hall was the one bedroom, not huge but a good size for how old the building was. There was somehow a walkin closet with a customized built in shelving system. The entire place was beautiful.

“Wouldn’t you like to live here?” Mark asked. He hadn’t said anything the whole time I toured, letting me take the whole place in by myself.

“Yes,” I admitted. The place was way bigger and just as nice as my current apartment. “But how do I even know if I can afford it?”

“My clients usually work with an amazing banker who can crunch some numbers and find a budget you’re comfortable with. Why don’t you meet with her this week?” Mark suggested.

I said okay and looked around one last time. So now Mark has me seriously considering buying a condo. I mean, if my financial situation works out.

Brady came to get me after work so we could have dinner and drinks. He said he had a long day so I made him spill it over tequila spritzers. He explained that one of the long term patients at the hospital passed away. The man had cancer and wasn’t a patient Brady worked directly with, but they had grown close from seeing each other and talking everyday. I never know what to say when someone dies. I’ve never really had to go through that so I don’t even know what I would want someone to say to me.

Brady asked how my day was and I told him about meeting Mark and the awesome apartment I saw.

“I think you should definitely consider investing in property now. It’s the perfect time in your life,” he said.

I told him that I would look further into it.

We had a few more drinks and I started feeling pretty tipsy. Brady stopped after drink number two because he was driving, but obviously I kept going well past that. By the time we left the restaurant, I was feeling happy and horny as hell.

While Brady drove home, I rubbed his thigh and kissed his neck hoping he would pull over so we could partake in some skanky car sex. He wasn’t very responsive since he was focused on the road, but then Drunk Reese got a wonderful idea.

I quickly unbuckled his belt and pants before he could safely stop me and pulled his penis out. He was hard so obviously he wanted some action too. I was going to give him road head. I haven’t done that since probably high school because I’m much more classy now, but this was the perfect opportunity.

“Reese,” Brady moaned once I got started, but he didn’t stop me.

I kept going and he grabbed a fistful of my hair like he was going to pull me off, but he let me keep sucking. After several minutes, I felt Brady’s body start to tense.

“I’m…gonna…” he started but couldn’t even finish his sentence before he came.

The rest of the car ride back to his place was silent and when we got to his room he pushed me back on the bed and started kissing me. He pulled my shirt over my head and started kissing my neck.

“What are you doing to me?” Brady mumbled into my neck.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“I don’t know,” he responded so I don’t know what he meant by that.

Either way, we spent the night hooking up so no complaints from me.

i can’t afford to lose my mind.

By the time Saturday rolled around, I was so fed up with work that I was actually considering finding a new job. Whitney had completely let her promotion go to her head and was marching around the office giving orders to everyone except me because she knows I don’t play that shit. I finally talked to Diana on Friday morning and she said, “From what I understand Dave gave her the go ahead to work on her projects and we really need everyone’s help to execute them.”

Ugh. Fine. I decided that I would start finding vendors for the winter warehouse sale and even got some responses from two potentials. I emailed Whitney a list of what I came up with and a few minutes later she stopped by my office.

“Actually Reese, I think we have enough vendors, but if you want you can start doing a physical inventory of everything in the warehouse,” she said.

Lol yeah right.

So naturally I was ready to let loose on Saturday. Carly was going over to Brady and Chris’s early to help prepare for the party and I decided that I should probably help too so I didn’t look like some useless girlfriend. I ended up spending forty five minutes on my effortlessly chic topknot so I guess I wasn’t very helpful after all.

In the middle of getting ready, I went out to the kitchen to pour another glass of wine. I was starting things off slow so I wasn’t a complete trainwreck by the time Brady’s friends arrived. I poured a healthy glass of vino then saw a Tupperware container full of cookies sitting on top of the refrigerator. I knew I shouldn’t, but I told myself that I could have just one – only because they were chocolate chip and that’s my favorite. The cookie turned out not to be that great which pissed me off because I wasted calories on it.

I finished getting ready and heard guests starting to arrive. I grabbed my glass of wine and went out to greet people in the living room with Carly. Brady and Chris were in the kitchen pouring drinks and shots while we entertained their friends. Once I finished my second glass of wine, all of my limbs started to get tingly. I thought the wine must be laced with something.

“Carly,” I said, turning toward her. “What’s in this wine? I feel really fucking weird.”

Carly was chatting with two guys, but gave me her full attention. “What?”

I just stared at her head which she cocked to the side and I couldn’t help thinking she looked just like my grandparents’ Shih Tzu. I burst into laughter.

“Reese!” Carly whispered loudly. “You didn’t eat any of those cookies in the kitchen, did you?”

I stood there laughing for what felt like half an hour.

“Reese,” Carly said very calmly. “Those are weed cookies.”

“No wonder they tasted like shit,” I said.

Carly started laughing and I laughed with her. She grabbed my arm and dragged me to the kitchen to find our boyfriends. They were huddled by the sink, drinking.

“Reese had a cookie,” Carly announced.

I gave my best Miss USA smile since they were all staring at me.

“You had a whole cookie?!” Chris exclaimed.

“Hey, don’t judge. I’ll work the calories off later,” I said.

“All I can say is have fun,” Chris said.

“I should’ve warned you not to eat those,” Brady said to me.

“I am fine,” I assured him.

“They are very potent. You aren’t a smoker and you’re a tiny girl. An entire cookie is going to make you lose your mind,” he explained.

I blinked at him for several minutes and started to get nervous. I can’t afford to lose my mind. If I got any stupider I would probably be fired and have to start peddling on Michigan Ave. Oh my God, what if someone who knows me saw?

“Reese,” Brady said, pulling me out of my nightmare.

“Brady,” I said back.

“Do you want to lay down?”

“Are you fucking kidding? No! Let’s party!”

So I partied. Since I was already high, Carly ate half a cookie to even the score then we went back to the living room to continue greeting people. Kendra and John showed up, but they immediately went to the dining room where all the sophisticated grown ups were apparently hanging out. I let Kendra know that I think she’s becoming a grandma though.

Eventually I met back up with Brady and demanded he introduce me to his friends because most of the guests I’ve never seen before.

I met a really pretty girl who said she works with Brady at the hospital.

“Oh my gosh!” I exclaimed. “So you must know Jessica? Did you know that she sucked-”

Brady literally put his hand over my mouth to shut me up.

“Reese, don’t,” he said gently.

Whatever.

I also met a guy named Mark who turned out to be the realtor who sold Brady his duplex. Mark was cute and once I found out that he works in real estate, I gushed about how much I wanted to buy a house. We laughed about something for fifteen minutes and exchanged business cards so he can help me find a home. Love him for that.

Brady had walked away at some point during my conversation with Mark and while I was trying to find him, I ran into Preston and a smoldering dark haired kid who looked like he had just landed from NYC or something. He was so chic.

“Preston!” I screamed and pulled him into a hug that felt like it lasted for twenty minutes. I started laughing.

“Reese, are you high?” Preston asked.

I laughed harder, but managed to ask who his friend was in between my fit of giggles.

“This is Dillon,” Preston answered and gave me a look that told me Dillon is the new guy he’s trying to start the three way relationship with.

“Dillon, you’re so fucking fabulous. Can I be you?” I asked, but heard the doorbell ring before he could answer.

It turned out to be the pizza delivery man because apparently I ordered nine large pizzas on my company credit card. I don’t even remember doing that, but I proceeded to eat five slices while discussing if all males are colorblind (I think they are) with one of Chris’s coworkers.

I met back up with Brady in the living room and we collapsed on the couch.

“Do you remember when we fucked on this couch on my birthday?” I asked.

“Mmhm,” he replied and looked at someone passed out in the exact spot we had sex. We laughed for thirty minutes.

We started making out right there then Brady said, “I want to fuck you.”

And I said, “I do too.”

He stood up, but I felt like I was glued to the couch.

“I can’t get up,” I whined and toppled over.

Brady grabbed me and dragged me to his room and we immediately started getting undressed. We barely made it to the bed before I slid on his dick and started riding him. We completely forgot about the rager going on outside his door.

Best sex of my life. It felt like two hours of pure bliss. We were both moaning and telling each other how good it felt. I could feel my orgasm building in my body and started riding harder.

“Uhhhh, I love you!” Brady shouted.

“I love you too!” I cried and we both came hard as fuck and fell onto the bed.

We just laid there talking about the different ideas we had for our wedding. I told him that I want a very classic black and white theme and he loved it. We decided that the actual ceremony would be very traditional to please our parents, but do our own thing for the reception. I suggested we cater weed cookies.

When I woke up on Sunday, my mouth felt dry like I was eating baby powder all night. Brady was out cold and I watched tv for a few hours until he woke up. We showered and got dressed and went to brunch with Carly, Chris, Kendra and John. Brady never mentioned the fact that we exchanged the L word (gawd, I can’t even bring myself to say it) and neither did I because obviously it was only because we were under the influence.

Honestly, the whole night was a blur. I think it was fun though. I kind of feel like I’m still recovering.

And I still don’t know how I’m going to explain nine pizzas on this month’s expense report.

three way relationship.

After making up with Brady on Monday night, life felt like it was back to normal. On Wednesday, I walked into work in a fantastic mood until I ran into Whitney in the hallway.

“Hi Reese! I just secured a venue for our holiday warehouse sale! It’s a little closer to the suburbs than I would’ve liked, but I’m glad that we can check that off our list,” she said excitedly.

Ugh. I thought about having a talk with Diana since my honest talk with Brady went so well. But I assured Diana that I would figure it out so that’s what I had to do.

“Okay, great. I’m going to go answer some emails,” I said and began to walk away, but Dave was walking into the office.

“Hey ladies!” he greeted us animatedly.

“Hi Dave,” Whitney and I said obediently at the same time.

“I created some display ideas for the furniture bazaar. Can you look at them later and help me decide?” Whitney asked, sweetly.

“Of course I can! Just bring them by my office,” Dave said.

Whitney grinned.

“I like what you’re doing here, Whitney. You’re thinking ahead. We need to move some product and increase our cash flow before we create any more new collections. You hear that, Reese? Let’s not work on any more collaborations until we get this stuff situated.”

I smiled tightly and nodded. “Of course.”

Are you fucking kidding me? Is that not what I was doing with the flash sale website? Whitney stole my idea, but put her tacky ass spin on it.

I stormed to my office and barricaded myself all day. I mostly browsed net-a-porter.com and revolveclothing.com because I was not about to help Whitney with her bullshit. I hope Dave knows I’m not going to.

After work, I met the gang for dollar beers. Preston told us that he was in kind of a bind and he wanted our opinions. We told him to spill.

“So Mr. Murphy and I are doing really, really well, as you guys know.”

We nodded.

“Well, I’ve been talking to this other guy. He’s younger and so fucking hot.”

“Preston…” Kendra said in a warning kind of tone.

“Just listen!” Preston said. “Mr. Murphy met him and thinks he’s adorable too. So I was thinking… We could have a three-way relationship.”

“Like sister wives?” Carly said.

“Or something like that. My thing is, I love being around Mr. Murphy and he takes such good care of me, but he’s just not great in bed. He’s older. It takes him forty five minutes to get hard and then he only lasts for thirty seconds.”

Carly gasped. “What?”

“I know!” Preston said, leaning across the table. “So, if we add this younger guy to the mix it will definitely spice up the bedroom. It’ll suck to have to share Murph’s money, but I’m just not satisfied sexually right now.”

“Are all parties involved okay with this arrangement?” Kendra asked.

“Well, I haven’t proposed my idea to anyone yet. Do you guys think it is even a reasonable thing to want in my life?”

“Personally, I wouldn’t want to share my boyfriend with anyone,” I spoke up.

Preston narrowed his eyes at me. “Well, we know that. Your boyfriend can’t even have a life before you.”

True.

An hour later, Kendra needed to go home to do some work so we left. Carly and I decided to go to Brady and Chris’s. When we got there, Chris let us in and said he and Brady were hanging out in the basement. We walked down there and found Brady on the couch, watching tv.

He stared at me for a moment then said “Hey babe,” but didn’t get up to greet me.

“Hi!” I squealed, sitting down beside him. We hugged and Carly and Chris joined us on the couch.

“Are you guys just sitting here? How boring,” Carly said.

“Aren’t you glad I came to entertain you?” I said, turning to Brady.

“Of course,” he smiled. His eyes looked a little bit red and his eyelids were low.

“Aw, are you tired?” I asked.

“Yeah, kinda,” Brady said. “What did you guys do tonight?”

“We had dollar beers with Kendra and Preston,” I replied and then got excited to tell Brady about Preston’s crazy idea. “Oh my gosh, so Preston is bored with his relationship so he wants to get another boyfriend and have two boyfriends! Like a three way relationship!”

“That’s crazy,” Brady said. And then waited a beat. “Maybe we should try it…”

Before I could even digest what he said, Chris added, “With Jessica,” and the two of them started laughing their idiot heads off.

Way too soon. I watched Brady double over in laughter and turned to Carly. She gave me a wide eyed look and shook her head indicating that she didn’t know what to say.

“How is that funny?” I snapped.

“It isn’t,” Brady said, catching his breath. “Chris, you’re such a dick sometimes.”

Chris continued laughing.

I felt my body start to warm up in anger. I couldn’t believe they were laughing at and making light of the Jessica situation. Did Chris even know the extent of what happened with Brady and Jessica? Or were they just laughing because I’d freaked out like a psycho? From my point of view, it wasn’t that funny. Why were they laughing so hard? Obviously they know more than I do.

“Sorry babe,” Brady said, snaking his arm around my waist and nuzzling my neck.

“Get the fuck off me,” I mumbled and peeled myself away. We all sat there for an awkward silent few minutes.

“Reese, did Brady tell you we’re having a party on Saturday?” Chris asked me.

I shook my head, but said nothing.

“Oh yeah, we have to invite all our friends! It’s going to be so much fun!” Carly enthused.

“K,” I said shortly.

Carly and Chris started discussing the party and Brady leaned close to my ear.

“Hey. I’m sorry. That was completely inappropriate.”

I ignored him.

“I have something you might like upstairs,” he continued.

“What is it?” I asked sharply.

“Why don’t you come upstairs and see?”

I shot him a dirty look so he knew that I was still irritated with him then got up and headed for the stairs. Brady followed me and steered me into the kitchen. I stood there with my arms crossed standoffishly while he went through the cabinets. I couldn’t think of anything I could possibly want, but I was willing to entertain him. Seconds later, he pulled out a pack of birthday cake Oreos. I bit my lip.

“Do you want one?” Brady asked.

One?

“Give me that,” I said, snatching the pack of Oreos from his hand. Birthday cake Oreos are literally my favorite things in the world. I tore the pack open, grabbed as many cookies as I could fit in my hand and gave it back to Brady.

“You got me hooked on these,” he said, taking a couple of Oreos out for himself. I was too busy chewing to respond.

We munched on several Oreos in silence then Brady started walking toward to his room and I followed him. I kicked off my shoes and leaned back on the bed and Brady did the same.

“You smell very nice,” he said, nuzzling my neck.

“Thanks,” I replied, letting him kiss and grope me. Hearing Jessica’s name was a definite mood killer, but I couldn’t deny that I loved feeling his hands and mouth all over my body.

Brady pushed my top up to my neck and started gently sucking my boobs. He ran his tongue down my torso and yanked off my underwear and skirt before ducking his head between my legs. Within minutes, I was screaming and squirming about to come.

Brady stood up and pulled off his shirt and unbuckled his pants. I completely forgot about how annoyed I was with him as he pushed into me without even thinking about finding a condom (which frankly we haven’t used in at least two weeks). Brady pushed one of my legs up toward my head and placed his hands on the bed on either side of my face. He thrusted hard, like he had some aggression to let out and mumbled something inaudible in my ear. Brady never dirty talks during sex so I was surprised and I almost asked him to repeat himself.

Brady buried his face in my neck and groaned my name then collapsed on top of me. Usually he finishes…elsewhere but he didn’t even pull out. Brady rolled off me and I couldn’t help thinking that if we were going to be fucking irresponsibly like this then I had to get to the bottom of the Jessica comment.

“Have you talked to Jessica?” I demanded.

“Nah,” Brady said, not missing a beat. He ran a hand up my inner thigh and I pushed it away.

“So explain to me why y’all laughed so hard at what Chris said.”

“I dunno,” he said as he got up to pull his pants up. “It was a joke. Don’t freak.”

“Yes you do know,” I said. “And don’t tell me not to freak.”

Who the fuck was this and what did he do with my mature boyfriend? Brady was acting like a straight up frat boy.

We got up and dressed and found Carly and Chris in the kitchen. Carly said she had to go home because she had to work early and asked me if I wanted a ride home or if I wanted to stay. I told her I was going home and Brady acted hurt that I didn’t want to stay the night with him. He needed to be punished though.

I thought the Jessica situation was fixed, but now I’m not so sure.

no more jessicas.

On Monday morning I woke up much earlier than usual, went for a run, got ready for work, and stopped and got donuts for the whole office. I ended up getting four dozen and couldn’t carry them all so I made one of the workers carry it to the office for me (before you call me a lazy brat, just know that I gave him a generous tip).

I immediately started working away until around 1:30 then decided to take a break and grab something to eat. I found my phone at the bottom of my bag where I’d left it that morning and was surprised to see a new text message from Brady. It said, “Do you want to talk?”

I let out a happy sigh. Finally. Of course I wanted to talk. I sat there drafting about a thousand different responses before ultimately deciding on, “Okay.”

I waited to see what Brady would say back for ten minutes then threw my phone in my bag and headed out to lunch.

I continued working all afternoon and didn’t hear from Brady again until around 4:00. He said, “Do you want to meet for dinner?”

I said, “Okay,” again.

He responded back with the name of a place near my apartment and suggested we meet at 7:30. I typed, “Okay,” one last time. He gave no indication about what he wanted to talk about – whether he wanted to work our issues out or end things in person – which concerned me. In an ideal world, we would meet up, he would apologize profusely about not telling me about Jessica, he would beg for my forgiveness and then present me with a $12,000 designer bag.

I stayed at the office until 6:30 then went home and changed into a dress and booties. I didn’t plan well and ended up showing up to the place at 7:45. I pulled out my phone to text Brady that I had finally arrived, but I saw him sitting in a booth near the door. He stood up as I approached with an unreadable look on his face and kissed me lightly on the cheek. We both sat down.

“I already ordered. Do you want a beer or anything?” he asked, really properly.

I shook my head. Brady was acting like we didn’t even know each other which made me get defensive. He had no right to be mad. All I broke was his phone. He broke my heart.

“Okay,” he said.

We sat there for a minute not saying anything. Finally Brady said, “Reese, I’m sorry.”

I raised my eyebrows and nodded like “Go on.”

“I wasn’t completely open with you about Jessica. I should have been upfront and told you exactly what happened. That’s all I can say. I won’t make any excuses.”

I nodded in agreement.

“You have every right to be angry that I didn’t tell you and that you had to find out on your own. Seeing you that upset because of me was hard to watch. I apologize for that.”

“What’s the story with you and her?” I demanded.

Brady looked kind of surprised at my question. “Just everything I told you. We began working together a few months ago and she was quite persistent from the beginning. I’m very busy at work so I couldn’t pay attention to her and I think she took that as a challenge…”

“And she just randomly offered you a blow job and you accepted.”

He started to blush furiously. “I mean, yeah.”

“But y’all didn’t have sex?”

“No. I ended things before they could go that far.”

I glared at him for a few minutes.

“Um,” for the first time ever I saw Brady struggling with what to say. “I don’t want to throw everything away because of this. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you.”

I uncrossed my arms as I started to soften.

“Yeah…” I began, unsure of what to say. Have I mentioned how much I hate talking about my feelings? “I don’t either.”

“You don’t what?”

“Want to throw everything away.”

He looked relieved. “I’m glad we are on the same page.”

I smiled and nodded.

“Those two days I gave you to cool off made me realize how much I really do like you.”

I waited a full minute before saying, “Me too,” really quietly.

“So I would like to make this work. If you want to.”

“What is ‘this?'” I asked.

“Us. Our relationship.” Brady looked confused.

“We never defined our relationship. Except the night when Jessica confronted you about it which doesn’t even really count,” I said in an accusatory voice.

Brady was unfazed by what I said. “I mean, I introduced you to my parents. I told them you were my girlfriend…”

My heart jumped. “Oh.”

“Is that not what you want?”

“It is,” I said. I decided that I was going to have to stop playing coy and hiding my feelings. If I wanted this to work with Brady I had to be open too.

“Okay…”

“I’m not good with relationships,” I blurted out.

“What do you mean?”

“I’m just not. I’m stubborn and needy and possessive and I suck at expressing my feelings.”

“You’re expressing your feelings now,” Brady said.

I let out a deep breath. He was right – I was expressing myself and I had yet to spontaneously combust so maybe it was fine. I kept going.

“I may have some mild trust issues from my previous relationships and you can see how this doesn’t help.”

“That’s completely understandable. I’ve done nothing to give you any reason to trust me.”

Brady owning up to what he did seemed to make everything okay. Whenever my ex did something he wasn’t supposed to, he would reverse it and make it seem like it was somehow my fault.

“My ex-boyfriend kind of ruined me. Not that I was perfect from the beginning. But he did some really awful things,” I went on.

“I’m sorry,” Brady said, although I’m not sure what he was apologizing for. He looked at me kind of cautiously before asking, “What did he do?”

I didn’t expect Brady to ask for details so I had to take a moment to gather my thoughts. Normally, I would have blown his question off, but we were being honest and open. Plus I appreciated that he had the balls to ask.

“What didn’t he do?” I answered. “He had sex with other girls, made out with them in front of me at parties, told everyone on campus that I was a psycho.”

Just talking about it was making me grind my teeth. Why did I ever even put up with that shit? I was such a pathetic, needy little girl.

“Yikes,” Brady said. “Worse than I thought.”

I nodded. We were silent for a moment then Brady said, “I guess I’m not really the best with relationships either.”

“How come?” I wanted to know.

“I realized that my parents aren’t like normal parents. They’re very…cold and disconnected. I mean, you met them. They aren’t affectionate at all so I never got that growing up.”

I nodded. “I can see that…” So I’m the only one who thinks his mother is a cold, unwelcoming little woman.

“Yeah. They don’t talk to us about anything personal. We never got a sex talk or anything like that. They only wanted to know what colleges we got into and our GPAs and things of that nature. Even now, they rarely say ‘I love you.’ So I think that has affected the way I am in relationships.”

Wow. His parents rarely tell him they love him? I can’t imagine. My parents send me random text messages throughout the day telling me how much they love me. I felt for him.

After our food came, things went back to normal for the most part. He told me about his weekend and he confirmed that he and John went on some sort of golf date on Saturday. He said that his phone was a complete goner so he ended up having to pay to get a new one. It almost made me feel bad, but not really because it taught him a valuable life lesson.

After Brady paid for dinner, we walked outside. Since the place was so close to my apartment, I’d walked, but Brady asked me to walk to his car with him. It didn’t seem weird at the time, but now that I’m thinking about it, it was kind of an odd request.

We got to his car and he opened the passenger door like he wanted me to get in, but the seat was filled with dozens of red, pink, white and yellow roses. There had to be a hundred there.

“I didn’t want to bring them in the restaurant, but I got you these,” Brady explained.

“Aww,” I cooed looking at him. “That’s so sweet.” It wasn’t the designer bag I was hoping for, but I was grateful for the gesture.

He shrugged sheepishly and I couldn’t help reaching over and hugging his adorable ass. Brady offered to carry the huge bouquet to my apartment and my doorman, Frank, said, “Someone must have been in the doghouse.”

I giggled at him calling Brady out. When we got up to my apartment, Brady put the flowers down and we stood there looking at each other. I invited him to sit down.

“So are we okay?” Brady asked me.

“I think so,” I said, nodding then I narrowed my eyes at him. “But don’t fucking hang out with her anymore.”

“I won’t. I didn’t plan on it.”

“Don’t even talk to her. Don’t go to lunch with her. Delete her number.”

“Of course,” Brady said.

I realized that I hadn’t apologized or fully owned up to my part of the fight yet and I needed to to make things right.

“I’m sorry I broke your phone,” I said and surprisingly saying the word “sorry” didn’t kill me.

“Don’t worry about it,” Brady said.

I swallowed, preparing myself to drop the Derrick bomb. “By the way, you remember my friend, Derrick, right? From my birthday?”

Brady nodded.

“Well, in college we like, kind of hooked up, but it wasn’t really a big deal. It only happened once, but he confessed that he still likes me on my birthday,” I babbled.

Brady’s eyebrows shot up like he was surprised then he nodded slowly as if he was putting some puzzle pieces together and it was all making sense now.

“I guess I could have told you that a while ago,” I said.

“That would’ve been good to know.”

“Just like it would’ve been good to know about Jessie,” I said sweetly.

“Point taken.”

We sat in silence for a minute then Brady said, “So no more Derricks.”

And I said, “And no more Jessicas.”

We stayed up until almost 2:00 AM just talking and not having sex which I think we needed.

So everything is settled, I think.

Give me your thoughts.

hot mess in high heels.

Monthly Archives: September 2014