calm down.

On Saturday evening, we all went on some sort of mega quintuple-date. There was of course Brady and me, then Carly and Chris, Kendra and John, Preston and Dillon and Brady and Chris’s friend Jacob and his girlfriend, Stacey. We went to this tavern and got dinner and drinks. Carly, Preston and I pretty much dominated the conversation mainly because we were the only ones who took advantage of the three dollar shots. I was drunk and hadn’t even spent $20 on drinks so I was pretty happy about that.

I was telling the group about my recent brush with death (crossing the street when a police car ran a red light – no lights or sirens on) and everyone was laughing and clearly enjoying my story. But Brady put an arm around me and whispered, “Calm down,” into my ear. 

Is there anything worse than when you’re drunk and someone tells you to calm down and you are already calm? 

I glared at him. “I am calm.”

“Okay,” he said and patted my shoulder. Ugh.

After dinner we walked next door to a lowkey club/lounge. The boys hung out at the bar while the girls plus Preston and Dillon took our drinks to the dance floor.

Naturally we danced nonstop and kept flagging down those skanky cocktail waitresses for more drinks. I discovered that I absolutely love Dillon because he’s exactly like me. Every time a new song came on, we screamed because it was our “jam.” So fun. We were fucking shwasted so Carly, Preston, Dillon and I were probably causing a bit of a scene. 

I excused myself and went to find Brady. He was with Kendra, John, Chris and Jacob near the bar. I didn’t even notice that Kendra left our group.

“Gawd, can you leave your boyfriend’s side for five fucking minutes?” I asked. 

Kendra narrowed her eyes at me. “You guys were embarrassing me.”

Ugh. She’s so insecure. Who cares if we were acting a fool on the dance floor? We were having fun.

The bartender girl appeared and said, “Brady, do you want another Bud Light?”

My head jerked back toward her. Excuse me? Why was she calling my boyfriend by his first name? And why did she look like Blake Lively?

“Do you guys know each other?” I asked Brady. 

“What? She’s the bartender,” Brady answered giving me a weird look.

“Yeah, right. How does she know your name?” Drunk Reese glared.

“Probably because I opened a tab with my credit card…which has my name on it.”

“You’ve been waiting to use that excuse all night. How do you know her?”

The bartender was watching the encounter and said, “Ma’am, settle down. I don’t know your boyfriend. I’m just serving drinks.”

I spun around to face her. “Did I ask you?”

She put her hands up like she was going to stay out of it then walked away.

“That was extremely rude,” Brady said.

“I know! I’m going to ask to speak with her manager and get her fired,” I replied.

Brady touched my waist. “No, I mean you. You owe her an apology.”

“Are you taking her side?”

Brady actually rolled his eyes at me and sighed deeply like I was the problem. “Reese, stop.”

I pulled myself away and Brady tried to grab my hand.

“Well, I hope you and Blake enjoy your night. Toodles!”

I stormed off and grabbed Carly, Preston and Dillon and we went outside and found a transient/hipster to give us cigarettes. I have to be really, really drunk and upset to smoke a cig and clearly I was at that point.

I started complaining about Shady Brady and the incident at the bar. Dillon was totally on my side and said that I should definitely look into getting Blake terminated.

“I’m just so over it,” I said taking a long drag of my cigarette. “I can’t even trust him at the bar alone.”

“There’s Brady right there!” Carly exclaimed and Brady and Chris came walking out of the club.

“What the fuck are you doing?” Brady asked as they approached us and then he snatched the cigarette out of my mouth.

Rude!” I shouted as he threw it on the ground.

Chris mentioned that Uber was coming so Carly and I started saying goodbye to Preston and Dillon.

“Sext me, Dill. Love you guys,” I said hugging both of them.

We got to the duplex (after I demanded we make a pit stop at Taco Bell) and Brady and I went to his room. I started reapplying my lipstick and taking selfies in the bathroom.

“Let’s go to bed, Reese,” Brady said gently. He was already undressed and under the covers. 

“Sure, so you can go have sex with Blake while I’m sleeping?” I said.

“Who is Blake?” he asked.

“That bartender ho you’re cheating on me with.” 

“Reese, stop that right now,” Brady said, now stern. “We are going to sleep.”

Drunk Reese ignored him and started playing Candy Crush. Brady waited about ten minutes then said, “Are you getting in bed?”

“Fine!” I mumbled and then took off everything except my thong. I climbed into bed and Brady draped an arm around my waist.

“Why are you mad at the bartender?” he asked me.

“She was flirting with you,” I answered.

“No she wasn’t. She was being friendly.”

“She wants to suck your dick.”

“Stop, Reese. I don’t like you like this. You’re being crazy.”

Crazy. Isn’t that what Eric or whatever his name was called me? I didn’t say anything.

“You don’t have anything to worry about. You’re the only one I want,” Brady said.

Barf.

But that was enough to get me to relax and make out with him until I fell asleep.

On Sunday morning I woke up violently hungover and spent three hours on Brady’s bathroom floor. Way too many cheap shots. Brady begged to help nurse me back to health, but I was too grossed out to even let him see me.

I finally showered and emerged from the bathroom and let Brady take me to dunch (dinner/lunch). After a double cheeseburger, fries and a hot dog I felt as good as new.

Brady told me that his older brother is visiting next weekend so I’ll get to meet him. Yippee. I bet he’s such a nerd. Can’t wait to help him get laid!

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