i need to get a rabies shot.

Wednesday was Lindsey’s birthday so after work we met up at a bar for food and drinks. It was mostly Brady and Lindsey’s mutual guy friends, but Lindsey had also invited a guy from work, Cody. Lindsey isn’t a super gossipy girly girl like me so she hasn’t mentioned crushing on a guy from work. But when I saw the way Lindsey looked when Cody arrived, I realized. And suddenly I was so excited for her!

There was also a baseball game on so everyone was really excited for that. Brady was basically ignoring me so I had to entertain myself by drinking and talking to one of Brady’s coworkers. He has a wife and kids at home which is cute, but I began to get bored so I started telling him about me and Brady’s future plans.

He listened for a little while then he laughed and said, “Does Brady know about all of this?”

And I’m like, “Obviously yes. We planned it all together.” He made it sound like I’m some sort of crazy person.

After the game, we all just kind of sat there until I finally said, “Do y’all wanna go somewhere else?”

Everyone looked at each other then agreed. So we walked a few blocks to a brand new bar that just opened. We got a table and ordered Moscow mules. No one was really talking so I asked, “Who won the game?” just to make conversation. Literally everyone glared at me.

Brady put his arm around me and leaned close. “It wasn’t a good game. They aren’t happy about it.”

I shrugged and sipped my drink. What a bunch of babies. Since everyone was being antisocial, Brady and I sat there talking and being cutesy. I got bored and wanted to go somewhere else, but only Lindsey and Cody decided to go with us. Everyone else needed to go cry about the baseball game.

Even though I’d eaten at the first bar, the next bar had steak nachos on the menu and obviously I had to order them. They were phenomenal, obviously. I decided to get to know Cody and make sure I approved of Lindsey seeing him. They work together as business analysts or managers or something I didn’t really catch. So I started chatting him up and asking him questions about life.

I know I’m naturally kind of a flirty person, but I didn’t think I was flirting with Cody. I must have seemed like I was though because Brady nudged me hard. I turned to him, shocked and ready to fight, and he mouthed, “Stop.”

So I stopped talking and made love to my nachos. It started to get really late and we were tired so we called an Uber to take us home. When we got inside, Brady and I got in bed and he said, “Love you, Reese,” and kissed me goodnight.

I started bawling. I have no idea why.

“What’s wrong?” Brady asked.

“Do you actually love me or are you just saying that?” I sobbed.

“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it,” he replied.

“Are you sure?” I sniffled.

“Yes, I’m sure. Stop crying and go to sleep,” Brady said. I could tell he was getting annoyed with me so I hugged him and went to sleep.

So Thursday was a bit of a struggle because I was so hungover. I felt like shit and hid out until it was time for lunch. Then Luke and I walked to Chipotle and after I ate an entire burrito bowl plus chips and guac I was fine.

On Thursday night, I got drinks with Preston. He’s dating a new guy, Joe, so I haven’t seen much of him lately. And the whole time he only wanted to talk about Joe. I don’t think I am, but I really hope I’m not like that with Brady. And usually when Preston and I go out, we check out the hot guys and discuss, but even Preston didn’t want to do that. He bounced after only like an hour.

“Love you, doll, let’s do something soon,” he said, hugging me and then breezing out.

I felt like I had gotten ditched so I texted Preston letting him know. I probably could have found a nicer way to say it, but I said, “Preston, I know you’re really excited about your new boyfriend and I’m excited for you, but I felt like you kind of chose him over me tonight. You didn’t ask how my life is going and you only hung out with me for like an hour. We hardly ever spend any real time together anymore.”

He replied, “You’re being so dramatic. We see each other all the time. And I’m sorry that for once, everything wasn’t all about you, Reese. I know it’s hard to believe, but there is a world outside of your life.”

Whoa. I didn’t know what to say back so I didn’t say anything. Then Preston added, “Kendra says hi by the way. Says she hasn’t seen you since the wedding.”

The nerve! I’ve been giving Kendra space to enjoy married life, but I still talk to her almost everyday. I even told her that! I told her that I didn’t want to be needy so for her to let me know when she’s free. And so far she hasn’t been! I was so irritated.

Diana’s official last day was on Friday. Naturally, I cried the entire day. She called me into her office to talk after her going away party. I pulled myself together and walked in there.

“Since there isn’t a replacement for me quite yet, you are going to have a pick up a little more work. Dave thinks he can handle it by himself, but he can’t and I want you to step in and show him hard working and effective you can be,” she said.

“I will,” I assured her. “I planned on it anyway.”

“Of course. Dave wants to give you more responsibility and put you in a higher position, but he’s afraid you aren’t emotionally mature enough yet.”

Wait, what? I know I’m not the most mature person in the world, but I definitely thought I hid it well at work. So maybe Brady is right, maybe I need to take work more seriously. Especially since Diana is leaving and I may be getting a new boss soon.

On Saturday morning, I got up and made breakfast for everyone (avocado toast, turkey bacon, and fresh fruit). Lindsey walked in the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water while I was making the food. It looked like she was about to go for a run because she was in her workout clothes and shoes.

“Hey! I made breakfast whenever you get back,” I told her.

“I’m not hungry. Thanks though!” she said quickly and practically bolted out.

I didn’t think anything of it and went to get Brady. After we ate, Brady’s friend, Dan, brought his dog over so we could babysit for the day. I love when we dog sit. Especially because we don’t actually have to take care of him and can give him back after a day.

So I played with the little terrier (Charlie) for several hours. I took him for a long walk, took about sixteen videos for Snapchat, and fed him Cheezits. Charlie seemed to get tired of me and went and hid behind an armchair. We legit couldn’t find him for like two hours.

Brady and I got dressed up and went to dinner that night. I told him about the Preston situation and how upset I was about it. I hadn’t talked to Preston since and wasn’t sure if I wanted to.

“Maybe how you’re feeling is how your friends feel all the time,” Brady suggested.

I gasped. “There’s no way! I would never choose a guy over my friends. Not even you!”

Brady laughed. “Sure you wouldn’t, but maybe they don’t feel that. You have to think not only about what you’re doing and saying, but also how it’s perceived.”

I just stared at him.

“Speaking of which, Lindsey is kind of upset with you about how you were acting with that guy she works with.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.

“Well, because you were flirting with him-”

“I was not!” I interjected.

“Okay. You were being friendly – Reese style. A little too friendly. Lindsey isn’t used to it and feels like it was inappropriate,” Brady explained. “Maybe you could apologize when you see her.”

“Apologize? I didn’t do anything wrong! If she feels like that then how come she won’t come talk to me about it?” I said.

“She’s afraid to. I explained your personality to her and she’s still really unhappy about it.”

So I felt really bad. I honestly wasn’t trying to flirt with Cody, I didn’t even find him attractive at all. But I still decided I was going to apologize to Lindsey and explain myself.

After dinner we stayed and had several drinks. We talked about going out afterwards, but ultimately figured we were too tired and just wanted to sleep. I called an Uber and we went outside to wait for him to pick us up. It was freezing and I watched him get lost on the Uber map several times. I finally called him and demanded to know what he was doing.

“Hi, is this Reese?” he answered.

“Yes, this is Reese. Where are you?” I asked.

He explained that he had taken a wrong turn and would be there in five minutes. The entire time we waited I complained about how dumb he was for getting lost and how cold I was until Brady finally said, “Okay, okay. I think he’s here.”

Sure enough the dark colored Kia stopped at the curb to pick us up.

“Where have you been?” I yelled as soon as I opened the door.

My driver apologized and explained his wrong turn again.

“Me and my boyfriend have frostbite now so thanks for that!” I continued.

“Reese,” Brady said, nudging me.

“What? I can hardly hear you because my ears are frozen off!” I yelled.

Neither of them said anything for a little while and I leaned on Brady’s shoulder, dozing off. When we arrived home, the driver apologized again and I said, “It’s fine, but don’t let it happen again! Bye!”

When we got inside Charlie was waiting for us by the door.

“Hi little guy! I missed you, did you miss me?” I said in my doggy/baby voice. I scooped him up in my arms and started kissing his head and to my shock and horror, he growled and bit me. Not hard enough to break skin, but still. I screamed and put him down.

“Reese, was that really necessary?” Brady asked.

“No! I didn’t even do anything, why would this animal bite me?” I screamed.

“No, I meant the way you treated our Uber driver. That was rude and incredibly embarrassing.”

“Oh my gosh, who cares? I need to get a rabies shot!”

Brady rolled his eyes and walked past me. I cried for approximately one minute then I realized that Charlie wanted to play. So I played with him for a little while until Lindsey walked in. She saw me and said hi then shuffled to her room without making eye contact.

“Lindsey hates me,” I announced, walking into the bedroom.

“Did you talk to her?” Brady asked.

“No, she’s literally avoiding me,” I said.

“Just corner her and apologize.” Brady said this like it was the most obvious solution in the world.

I didn’t respond because my phone vibrated. Andrew.

“I’m in Chicago this week and I need to see you,” he said.

“Why?” I replied, figuring it was something important or business related because it sounded so urgent.

“I miss you. I miss your smile and your humor. You were one of my best directors.”

“Oh, thanks.”

“Maybe we could get dinner, my treat. And we no longer work together so you don’t have to be afraid to come to my hotel room.”

And a few seconds later, he added, “I think about you all the time. And how wet you were for me.”

I gasped just as Brady asked, “Who are you texting?” I hadn’t realized it, but he had been talking to me the whole time, but I wasn’t responding.

Instinctively, I pulled my phone to my chest so Brady couldn’t see the screen. “No one.”

Brady gave me a weird look. I thought about coming clean and showing him, but it would only prove to him that guys just want sex with me.

So obviously I didn’t text Andrew back. I put my phone on do not disturb and then Brady and I fooled around and hooked up.

On Sunday, Brady and I went to church and then to brunch with Kendra and John. After what Preston said I felt guilty about it so I kind of invited ourselves along.

At brunch Kendra was like, “So how is it living together?”

Brady and I looked at each other.

“It’s weird right?” she went on.

“It’s definitely an adjustment,” Brady said.

“I lived with Reese for five months and it was like living with four toddlers and three pets,” Kendra said and everyone laughed. I glared at her.

After brunch, Brady and I walked home hand in hand being all cutesy.

“Babe, are we still getting married this winter?” I asked, out of nowhere.

He looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about at all.

“Remember we decided to get engaged over the summer and married in the winter? You didn’t propose, but we could still do it,” I explained.

Brady looked straight ahead and waited a few moments before saying, “Are you sure you want to marry me? You won’t be able to flirt with random guys or text inappropriately with your former boss.”

I turned and looked at him, stunned that he knew about Andrew. How did he find out? My phone is super password protected. I was super weirded out.

I didn’t see Lindsey again until Sunday night. She was in the kitchen making tea and I figured it was the perfect time to apologize.

“Hey girl,” I said.

She glanced at me over her shoulder and said, “Hey.”

“I owe you an apology. I was seriously not trying to flirt with Cody the other night and I feel terrible that you think I was. I’m not that kinda girl. I was just trying to help you out,” I said.

“Oh,” Lindsey said, sounding relieved almost. “It’s okay. I’m not mad.”

“K, good. I was worried you hated me.”

She turned around and faced me, but didn’t make eye contact. “Did you apologize to Brady too?”

I scrunched my nose up, confused. “No. Why?”

“Because acting like that with another man in front of your boyfriend is disrespectful…”

I stared at her.

“This isn’t just about me. Brady deserves an apology too.”

It hadn’t occurred to me that I needed to apologize to Brady too, but duh. He was even giving me little passive aggressive clues.

So I went and found Brady downstairs, watching football or something and working on his laptop. I pushed his laptop closed and got on his lap.

“Bae, be honest. Will you not get serious with me because I flirt with guys?” I asked.

“You’re living with me. How much more serious do you want to get right now, Reese?” he said.

“You know. I want to get a house and a dog and I want you to propose and plan our wedding. Then get married and have a kid in two to three years,” I said.

Brady leaned his head back on the couch. “That has nothing to do with you being flirty. I know how you are.”

“So what is it? Are you afraid of commitment?” I pressed on.

And to my surprise, Brady said, “Yes.”

I didn’t expect him to admit that. I mean obviously he’s afraid of commitment, but I can’t remember a time he’s flat out admitted it to me.

“Oh. Well I’m sorry for flirting with Cody and I’m sorry for wanting to be with you forever.”

“Reese,” he sighed. “Why do you always have to rock the boat? Can’t we just be happy with where we are?”

I started crying. I’m such a fucking pussy lately. Brady let me cry for a moment and then he wiped my tears.

“Do you want me to move out?” I asked.

“No.”

“Do you even like me?”

“Yes.”

“Why are you afraid of commitment? Are you afraid there’s someone better out there? Are you just having fun with me until your real soulmate comes along?”

“Reese, I don’t know!” Brady exclaimed. “I’ve never been in this situation. I don’t know what I’m doing and frankly, neither do you. I don’t want to fuck up.”

I hugged him. Even though he kind of yelled at me, he was obviously being truthful. Finally. And at least he didn’t want to fuck up our relationship. That means something, right?

He hugged me back and whispered, “Let’s not rush, okay? When it’s time, we’ll know.”

So I scheduled an appointment for us with Laura. I feel like we have a lot to talk to her about and I can’t wait until she tells us why Brady is afraid of commitment. It must be something to do with his parents. It has to be.

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we are totally back on.

Brady and I had such a good week last week. We are totally back on. On Tuesday, he texted me asking me if I wanted to get together for lunch. I said of course and he told me that he would swing by and pick me up. And since he was picking me up, I made him come all the way up to the office to meet everyone. I talk about Brady at work a lot, but none of my coworkers (except Luke) have met him. So I was excited for everyone to see him and that he’s a real person.

That night I slaved away in the kitchen making a healthy sweet potato and kale dish that even Lindsey could enjoy. So proud of myself! Speaking of which, Lindsey found an apartment! Hallelujah! She moves in next Friday and I’m so excited for her (and myself).

When we were done eating, Brady and I retreated to the living room and had a mature conversation about living together. I kind of confronted him about how he felt about living with me because Carly told me that Chris told her that Brady said I was getting on his nerves. I wasn’t going to hold it against him (I know I can get annoying), but I needed Brady to tell me it himself.

“So like, if I’m getting on your nerves, you can tell me. I’m not an easy person to live with and if we are ever going to get married, I need to change my bad habits,” I said.

Brady sighed like he was stressed. “Reese, it’s fine. Living with you is fine.”

“Well I know that isn’t true. You’re only making yourself miserable, you know,” I said.

He laughed.

“Don’t you feel like you’ve outgrown this place though? If we are going to stay in Chicago we need something bigger,” I said.

“There’s plenty of space and storage in the basement,” Brady pointed out.

I made a face. “But it’s so far. We don’t live down there.” I can go weeks without ever stepping foot in the basement. It’s like a party destination and I want nothing to do with it.

“I don’t think I’ve outgrown it here. It’s perfect.”

“Well, I think if we are going to live together in Chicago indefinitely then we need something bigger. Maybe not right now, but eventually. And we should keep our eyes open now for anything that might come up.”

Brady nodded. “Okay.” I felt like he wanted to say something else, but that was the end of that.

The next morning, Brady woke up at the ass crack of dawn like he normally does and for some reason I was ready to get up too. So we got ready together and Brady took me to Starbucks then to work. I was the first one to the office (obviously because it was 6:00 am) and during the hours I waited for everyone else to show up, I put together my cute little scrapbook for Brady with all our pictures and stuff. Shoutout to Pinterest for all the ideas.

Diana called me in her office later. She wanted to give me a list of things she wants me to be in charge of after she leaves. I asked her if there was anyone in mind to replace her and she said no and that Dave probably wouldn’t replace her for a while. That’s weird. That kind of makes me wonder if she voluntarily left or if something else happened. I feel like every company is downsizing these days and maybe we are one of them.

On Thursday night, Brady, Lindsey and I tried a new vegan restaurant for dinner. I’m from Texas and I effing love meat, but I thought I’d branch out and try something new. It wasn’t bad, but I would definitely prefer ribs or a cheeseburger.

I feel like I can talk to anyone about just about anything and I hardly feel like I don’t have anything to contribute to a conversation, but sometimes with Brady and Lindsey I feel like I don’t have anything intelligent to say. During dinner, they discussed the legalization of marijuana, the pros and cons of yearly flu shots, the Democratic debate and the housing market in Chicago versus Boston and the east coast. I definitely need to be more well rounded because none of those topics were interesting to me.

Brady and I are visiting his parents the first weekend in November. I suggested a vacation because we both deserve one, and Brady mentioned that he needed to go home for his dad’s party. I didn’t say anything so he was like, “Do you want to come or no?”

“Why are you even going? You can’t stand being around your parents,” I asked, sounding a lot more bitter than I intended.

Brady shrugged. “They are expecting me.”

So I told him I would go. One of his cousins is getting married the following weekend in New York so I told him I would go with him there too. Can’t wait to get out of Chicago! I told him that we need a real vacation soon though. Like a relaxing one without either of our crazy families. Any suggestions? Nothing really sounds that great to me right now.

On Saturday night some of Brady’s friends came over to watch sports and drink beer. I intended to hide out with my laptop and shop, but Lindsey insisted she didn’t want to be the only girl. So I grabbed my laptop, my faux fur throw, and my slippers and curled up in an armchair while everyone talked. Again, I didn’t contribute to the conversation at all.

It never really occurred to me before, but Brady is a completely different person when he is around his guy friends, especially when he’s drinking. I was submitting my Nordstrom order when I heard Brady say, “Oh God, she’s such a slut.”

That got my attention.

One of the guys said, “Total slutbag. Decent set of tits too.”

Ew. I decided not to confront Brady about the inappropriate conversation right then (can’t be the crazy girlfriend all the time!), but I forgot to talk to him about it later. Oh well.

Brady and I went grocery shopping together on Sunday and it was actually the most successful shopping trip we’ve ever had. He didn’t say no to me at all (sometimes he will tell me I can’t get Oreos because I’ll finish them in a day and stuff like that) plus we got everything we need for breakfast and dinner this week! Wifey victories!

Sorry this post is kind of short. Not much happened over the last week. And guys, thanks for sharing your unromantic and awful virginity with me on my last post. I don’t think y’all understand how traumatized I was by Jacob. It’s kind of ridiculous, but that was my first real heartbreak (besides Britney Spears stealing my boyfriend Justin Timberlake. Bitch). I went to therapy for that, but I wasn’t very receptive, kind of like how I was with Laura during my first session. I bet if I would’ve actually utilized all the therapy my mom put me in since I was a child, I wouldn’t be such a psycho now! Oh well! Have a great week y’all!

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stories i’m not proud of – part seven.

I guess I will tell the story of one of my regrets. I’m not one of those people who says, “I don’t have any regrets. I’m happy where I am today etc.” I’m not ashamed to admit I have a ton of regrets. While I’m happy with where I am in life right now, there are some things I would totally go back and change.

I’ll share the story of when I lost my virginity. I was never the kind of girl who was saving myself for a special guy or marriage or anything like that. I kind of just wanted to get rid of it. A lot of my friends were sexually active and it felt like I was the last one with my v-card. I wasn’t about to give it up to just anyone though.

When I was a senior in high school I started talking to this guy who we will call Jacob. Jacob was a junior or senior at UH and he played on the football team. We met on Facebook. We had been friends for a while (I can’t remember who added who), and one night he messaged me asking if I was going to this party. I had no idea about the party, but I pretended I was undecided so I could get some details about it. I was like, “Oh, I’m not sure yet. Where is it at again?” Once I got all the information about the party, I contacted my friends and let them know we were crashing a party. Brittany was like, “Ugh, I already planned on going to that party anyway.” Of course.

It was on a Friday night. Brittany drove us to the apartment not far from campus. I remember first spotting Jacob in the kitchen, tossing the ball in beer pong. Even though he was leaning over the table I could tell he was really tall. He had brown hair, bushy dark eyebrows and blue eyes that I could see all the way from across the room. One really distinct feature about Jacob is the small mole on the side of his face a la Enrique Iglesias. I thought it was really cute for some reason. When we walked in the kitchen, he looked up at me with his pretty eyes and smiled.

Jacob and I made out before we ever had an actual conversation. A few of us were standing out on the balcony hanging out when I suddenly felt someone’s arm around me. Jacob!

He leaned down close to me and asked, “What was your name again?”

“Reese,” I answered.

And then Jacob leaned down and kissed me. We stood there making out for like a minute then he pulled away and said, “Are you having fun yet?”

“Yeah, kinda,” I replied.

“Come meet my friends,” Jacob said then pulled me inside. We went down the hall to a back bedroom where a bunch of guys were sitting and drinking. He actually didn’t introduce me to anyone and instead sat down on a bean bag chair and pulled me on his lap.

All the guys were talking and pretty much ignoring my entire existence. Jacob kept an arm around me, but didn’t say anything to me for a while as he talked to his friends. Then he leaned back so he was close to my ear and said, “You’re so cute, you know that right?”

He just had a way of sucking me in. I don’t know if it was because he was hot or because he was a college football player or because I loved the way he talked to me, but I was instantly infatuated with him and almost like, attached to him. I didn’t want to leave his side.

One of the friends wanted to go on a food run and Jacob turned to me and said, “You coming?” And he was looking at me expectantly, like if I said no he would be heartbroken. I nodded.

We ran into Brittany and my friends on our way out.

“We’re going to get food,” I informed her.

She turned to Jacob and narrowed her eyes at him. His arm was still around me because at this point we were practically attached at the hip.

“You better take care of my friend,” Brittany said, pointing an accusatory finger in his face.

Jacob flashed her an award winning smile. “Relax. I got her.” And then he brought my hand up to his face and kissed it.

So we all piled into an SUV and due to lack of space, I ended up on Jacob’s lap again. He held onto my hips, taking care of me just like he promised Brittany. We took a sharp turn and I slid further into his lap and I could feel his boner on my lower back. I turned around and smiled coyly at him.

Jacob smiled back and whispered, “It’s cuz I like you.”

We went to Whataburger and ate then headed back to the party. On our way inside, Jacob stopped me and said, “Give me your number.” I recited it to him and he put it in his phone. I didn’t realize it at the time, but that was his way of saying goodbye. We got back into the party and he kissed me quickly before disappearing.

After that we texted all day, everyday and would spend hours on the phone at night. Usually he would call me around 10:00-10:30 and we would stay on the phone until 5:00 in the morning. I was freaking obsessed with him. It was ridiculous how much time I spent on my phone either texting him or talking to him. Kendra seemed really concerned and kept asking, “How old is he again?” and “What does he want with you?” I insisted that he was just a nice guy and we were vibing which was true. Back then I didn’t even know I could talk to a guy that much and not get sick of him.

The first time we hung out after the party, he invited me to his off campus apartment. We hung out with his friends in the common area for a little while then Jacob motioned for me to follow him down the hallway to his room.

When we were alone, he said, “I’m so glad you’re here, babe.” Aww. I was “babe.” He pushed me on the bed and we spent the next few hours making out, dry humping and with his hands down my pants. When he tried to take my jeans completely off, I stopped him because I wasn’t sure if I was ready to actually have sex with him.

The next time we hung out, I decided I was. We had spent the evening at a house party playing beer pong with vodka so we were trashed by the time we got back to Jacob’s apartment. We ended up in his bed and I was on top of him. He was trying to put his penis in me, but he seemed to have a mild case of whiskey dick and couldn’t get hard enough. Eventfully, I took charge and grabbed his penis and stroked it a bit before forcing myself on it. I don’t know who I thought I was because I had never done this and had no idea what I was doing.

I can’t remember it lasting very long, but Jacob was just kind of laying there. He let out a moan here and there, but let me do most of the work. It wasn’t great and kind of hurt, but I was excited to be losing my virginity – especially to Jacob. I noticed his face all squished up so I looked down and saw that he came without even telling me (obviously we were too stupid to use a condom).

The next morning, I woke up in Jacob’s bed and he was laying next to me snoring. I felt a weird, wet sensation between my legs so I got up to use the bathroom and investigate. I was shocked and horrified when I saw that my underwear was filled with blood! I literally screamed. Luckily though, after further investigation, I realized that the blood was contained to just my panties and wasn’t all over Jacob’s bed.

I was obsessed with him before so imagine how in love with him I was after we had sex. I wanted to spend every waking hour with him. It was sick. We had sex every weekend for a few weeks, almost always after a night of drinking. It was never particularly great, but I thought that was just how sex was. I was thinking, “Oh, I’ve been waiting to do this? Meh.” But it was with Jacob so I continued.

One Friday night, there was a bonfire and of course, I asked Jacob if he would be there. He informed me that he would and that he’d see me there. I really wanted him to pick me up so we could arrive together (desp, I know), but I figured we’d meet up eventually and spend the entire evening together.

So I got ready – putting on cut off denim shorts and two tank tops to show off the girls (remember when wearing two layered tank tops was in fashion?) and Brittany came to pick me up. When I got there I texted Jacob, “Are you here yet?” He didn’t reply quick enough so I called him. No answer. I put my ringer on loud and hung out with my girls while waiting for him to call back.

He didn’t call back. But I ran into him a little bit later. I saw the back of him first, but it appeared that he had his arm around a girl so I wasn’t sure if it was him. I mean, it couldn’t be. We were a thing, right? Then they turned around and it was indeed Jacob. He was with a girl. Tall. Blonde. Legs that went on forever. His arm was around her and her hand met his near her shoulder, their fingers laced together.

“Hey you,” Jacob smirked at me.

Before even responding, I stepped forward and pulled their hands apart because I couldn’t just stand there watching some girl canoodle with my man. The girl said, “What the hell?” before Jacob even registered what was happening.

“Dude,” was all he said and put his hands up like he was surrendering.

“What the fuck are you doing, Jacob?” I demanded. Can I just reiterate how infatuated I was with this boy?

“What are you talking about?” Jacob asked, looking completely and utterly confused.

Brittany was still standing near me and grabbed my arm to pull me away from the drama. I was seriously embarrassing myself and she was nice enough to try to save me.

“Do you like me or not?” I asked, sounding like the desperate high school girl that I was.

“I barely even know you, dude.”

The blonde girl grabbed Jacob’s bicep and they both scowled at me before walking away.

“Ass,” Brittany muttered and then continued on with the bonfire like my heart hadn’t just been ripped out.

I pretended I didn’t care and stayed at the bonfire until my friends were ready to leave. Kendra sensed something was up, but I told her I was just tired. I even kept yawning to make it more believable.

I texted Jacob before we left, “What’s your problem?” and he responded, “Don’t talk to me. You’re crazy.”

I was depressed for two solid months. Like really depressed (enough to need therapy). I couldn’t do anything without thinking about Jacob and how disgusted I was with myself for allowing it happen. He texted me a few weeks later to see if I wanted to come over. Can you believe the fucking nerve of that asshole? Needless to say I didn’t respond and I never saw him again after the bonfire. He ended up moving to Colorado.

None of my friends knew that I had sex with him or worse, that I’d lost my virginity to him. To this day, even Kendra doesn’t know. They would kill me (and back then, I thought I deserved it). I don’t know if what happened with Jacob made me the way I am now, but I totally regret ever having sex with him. I definitely learned from it, but yikes. I should have known better.

Standard

i’m done.

Brady didn’t respond to my sweet email. In fact, we didn’t talk at all during the day on Monday. So I avoided going home. I stayed at the office working and looking up apartments for Lindsey. I kind of promised her that I would find her somewhere to live since she’s so busy with her new job and I wanted to have plenty of places for her to choose from.

At around 11:00 PM Brady texted me asking me if I was coming home. As if I had anywhere else to go! I replied, “Yes, will you come pick me up from work?” Brady said he would so I packed my things up and waited for him to arrive. We talked about our days on the ride home, took showers then got in bed.

“I’m sorry about bringing up Jessica again,” I said, just to clear the air. We were get along and neither of us had said anything about it, but posting about it on the blog had made me feel bad.

“It’s fine. I don’t want to talk about it anymore,” he replied.

“Mmkay,” I said snuggling him.

The next day I decided to work from home. I slept in then spent some time researching and sourcing. I got burnt out pretty early on and started looking on Zillow for condos for me and Brady to buy. I just wanted to see what’s out there, but then I fell in love with one and thought Brady would like it too. 3 bedrooms, two baths, a huge master suite with a separate shower and tub, two freaking decks, marble and wood everywhere. There was even already a nursery! It was so cute. I thought Brady would be annoyed with me if I emailed it to him so I saved it for later.

I took my party to the living room and had like six different tabs open so I could work and also shop and find apartments for Lindsey. Who says I’m not a multitasker? At around 1:00 PM, I heard the front door open. After a few seconds, Brady appeared in the living room. He looked at me like he was confused.

“What are you doing here?” he asked me.

“I’m working from home today,” I explained.

“Looks like you’re working pretty hard,” Brady said sarcastically, gesturing to my closed laptop on the table. I had taken a break and was busy watching the Food Network.

“I took a break, obviously,” I said trying really hard not to be a defensive bitch.

“Didn’t you take Friday off too? How are you justifying all these days off to your boss? Don’t you have a team relying on you?” he continued.

“Brady, it’s fine. They know what they’re doing and they’re allowed to work remotely if they want to as well. Why are you starting a fight with me?” I said calmly.

“I’m not starting a fight with you,” he replied. “But your work ethic has decreased significantly since I met you.”

Excuse me? Brady walked away and I got up to follow him. “That isn’t true. Take it back.”

“It is true. How many times a week do you skip work so you can hang out with your friends or sit at home and watch television?”

“Um, not even once a week.”

He didn’t say anything as he poured a glass of orange juice. I just stood there glaring at him.

“Why are you even home right now?” I asked.

“I’m allowed to come to my own home on my lunch break,” he responded.

I did not like whoever this person was, but it was clearly not my sweet, soft spoken boyfriend. I walked back in the living room and didn’t talk to him again until he shouted goodbye as he was leaving to go back to work.

I must have been feeling guilty because I went to the office for the remainder of the workday. When I got home, Lindsey was home and making spaghetti squash for dinner. I’m not a big squash person so I ordered a pizza. She assured me that she wasn’t offended.

Brady got home really late and I was already in bed for the night. After he showered he got in bed with me. Since he had gotten home, we had been nice to each other so I figured we were fine. So I climbed on top of him, straddling his stomach. We hadn’t done anything sexual since our fight about Jessica and obviously we both needed to release some tension.

Brady yawned. He actually yawned while I was on top of him.

“I’m tired, Reese,” he said and it came out as more of a whine.

I climbed off. “Okay.”

Brady snuggled me and I wanted to push him off because I was bitter, but I didn’t.

On Wednesday night I was sitting on the bed painting my nails while Brady worked in the dining room. My phone was sitting on the nightstand charging and while I was leaning over responding to a text, I guess the bottle of red nail polish tipped over onto the bed. I put my phone down and saw the red puddle on the bed and let out a little scream. I jumped up to clean it up and of course that was the exact moment Brady decided to walk in.

“What happened?” he asked as I stripped the comforter off the bed. He somehow already knew that I’d done something bad.

“Nothing,” I said quickly, but Brady saw it.

“Are you fucking kidding? Reese!” he exclaimed.

“It’s fine. I’ll wash it and it’ll be like new,” I said calmly.

“Why would you paint your nails on the bed? Do you think?”

“Yes!” I kind of yelled. I now had the comforter balled up in my arms ready to go in the washer.

Brady stormed out and I went to wash the comforter. I felt bad and I was sick of arguing with him so I decided to go apologize. He wasn’t in the dining room so I went to find him. We ran into each other right outside the living room.

“Hey, I’m sorry about the nail polish. Do you want me to buy you a new comforter if it doesn’t come out?” I said. I’m proud of myself for finding him and apologizing because I used to never like to apologize to people.

“No, I want you to use your brain!” he snapped.

It really took all I had not to punch him.

“This is not working out,” I blurted out. “All you do is fucking yell at me and I’m not dealing with it anymore. I’m done.”

To my surprise, Brady said, “I could not agree more.”

I stood there gaping at him for a moment. Wait. What? When I realized what he said and that he agreed with me, I walked around him to the bedroom. Without even thinking about it, I pulled out an overnight bag and started throwing clothes in it. I texted Preston, “I’m coming over.”

Before Preston could text back or Brady could come find me, I grabbed my shit and headed out. Luckily Preston was home and I immediately collapsed on his bed.

“Need a drink, boo?” he asked me.

“Please,” I replied.

Preston made us screwdrivers and I told him what happened. He actually rolled his eyes at me.

“What?” I said. “I didn’t think he would agree with me. But maybe it is for the best.”

“Brady isn’t the kind of guy who is going to play your games with you,” Preston said. “You know that, right?”

I pouted.

“Here’s what I think,” Preston said and I braced myself for the worst. “I think you need a break from each other. Obviously neither of you are used to all this togetherness. You can stay here for a while. I know Kendra is busy trying to make a baby with her hubby.”

“Okay…” I said.

“After a week or so, see if being apart is really what you want. My guess is that you’ll both be miserable and go running back to each other.”

I considered this for a second. I totally appreciated Preston offering to let me stay in his little studio apartment, but suddenly I needed to get away – like far away.

“I think I’m going to Houston,” I stated.

“Houston?” Preston repeated.

“Yeah. I need to see my parents and grandparents. I’ll just go for the weekend.” I pulled out my phone and began looking for flights for Thursday. I noted that Brady hadn’t contacted me at all. I mean, it’s Brady so it’s not like I thought he would, but it happened so suddenly and quickly that I thought maybe he might. I left without even saying goodbye.

Preston continued talking, but I was preoccupied booking a ticket to Houston for the next morning. I couldn’t fucking wait to flee the city. After we finished our drinks I made Preston go to McDonald’s and split a happy meal with me. Then I turned off my phone so I would stop checking it to see if Brady was checking on me. He wasn’t so obviously he didn’t care.

I woke up at 7:00 on Thursday morning and I needed to go home and pack some things for the weekend then go to the airport for my 11:00 flight. When I turned my phone on, I had new messages from literally everyone except Brady. Even Andrew had texted me. I was so annoyed. Before I went home, I texted Lindsey asking if Brady was home. He usually goes to work earlier, but I just wanted to make sure the coast was clear. Lindsey assured me that he was at work.

But Brady was sitting outside on the two stairs leading into the house when I got there. When he saw me approaching the gate he stood up to greet me. He was wearing work clothes and I was really confused as to why he was home.

“Hey,” Brady said as I walked through the gate. He held his arms out like he expected a hug or something.

I didn’t reply.

“I’m sorry.” He dropped his hands back at his side.

I glared at him. “Now you’re sorry?”

“I am. I didn’t realize how bad it got. I’m sorry, Reese.”

I didn’t say anything.

“I want this to work. I’m tired of fighting with you too.”

I glanced behind him and said, “I don’t have time for this right now. I have a flight to catch.”

Brady looked confused. “Where are you going?”

“Home! To Houston. My grandparents want to see me,” I said. I flipped my hair and walked around him inside.

“Oh. Do you want me to take you to the airport?” Brady asked, following me.

“I don’t care.”

Brady sat on the bed and watched me while I threw a bunch of stuff in my bag. Him watching me was making me nervous so I tried to finish as quickly as I could. The car ride to the airport was relatively silent, aside from Brady trying to make small talk. I gave short, one word answers because I didn’t want to get too involved. Not until we figured something out.

When we got to the airport, Brady got out and tried to rush around to open the door and get my bag for me.

“I got it!” I snapped at him.

He held up his hands innocently. “Okay, I’m sorry for trying to help.”

I started to walk off and Brady grabbed my hand. “I love you.”

I snatched my hand away and said, “Okay, bye!” before rushing inside.

Naturally I spent my entire flight to Houston being super fucking confused and wondering what I was going to do with Brady. I know I don’t know what I want (I’m a girl, do any of us?), but I was thinking that Brady definitely doesn’t know what he wants. It gave me a headache. When I landed, I had a some texts from Brady. The first one said, “Have a safe trip. I can’t wait for you to get back.” The next one said, “I love you Reese.” And the last one said, “Did you make it?”

So annoying. I texted him back, “I’m here,” just so he would know I was alive then vowed not to text him for the rest of the trip. I fled the city so we could get away from each other and I intended to do just that.

My mom picked me up from the airport and we spent the entire day together. I avoided her questions about Brady, but she could tell something was up. I never go home to Houston unless I have to. We stayed out until literally midnight and I was so exhausted that as soon as my head hit the pillow I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later and saw that Brady had sent me a goodnight text only an hour before. I was half asleep and missed him so I said, “Goodnight, Brady. I hope you’re enjoying having the bed to yourself.”

To my surprise, he immediately replied, “I’m not. I miss you so much.”

I couldn’t fall back asleep so I sat up on Pinterest for a few hours. I hung out with my mom again for the majority of the day on Friday. I made plans to go out with Brittany that night. The first thing she asked when we met up was, “Aww, where’s Brady?” I couldn’t even help rolling my eyes at her asking about him.

We ended up hitting up some bars not far from Brittany’s apartment downtown. It was burning up in Houston so we were scantily clad in shorts and crop tops. Some of Brittany’s wild friends ended up meeting us out and kept ordering shots. I tried to refuse (I’m reformed!), but they weren’t having it.

I remember going to McDonald’s after the bars and crying because I was sad and missed my ex-boyfriend. The guys at the table next to us felt bad for me and brought me an ice cream cone. Brittany said, “Oh my gosh, I cannot believe you’re crying in the middle of a McDonald’s,” and rolled her eyes. As if everyone doesn’t cry in a McDonald’s at some point in their life!

Brady called me on Saturday morning. I had been ignoring his texts, but figured he probably actually needed something if he was calling.

“How’s being back home?” was the first thing he asked me.

“It’s fine,” I answered.

“How are your parents?”

“They’re fine.”

“Oh. I’m at Trader Joe’s. Do you want me to get those cookies you like?”

I sighed. I was annoyed at him for assuming I was coming back and we were normal when we didn’t discuss anything. What the fuck? We decided we weren’t working out!

“I don’t care,” I finally said.

“Okay. I’ll just go ahead and get them.”

“K.”

“When are you coming home?”

“Tomorrow. And I want to figure this shit out when I get back. I hate when you do this.”

“Do what?” Brady wanted to know.

“Pretend like nothing is wrong! I broke up with you and you said you agreed with me and now you’re acting like I’m coming home to you,” I explained, frustrated.

“Oh…okay. We can talk,” was all he said.

So I said goodbye and hung up then went back to sleep. I was hungover pretty much all day on Saturday, but I pulled myself out of bed to see my grandparents. It was still disgustingly hot out so I wore a romper and hoped my grandma wouldn’t judge me for having my ass cheeks hanging out. I feel like whenever I go home my grandparents are always the people I spend the least amount of time with which really sucks. I wish I was better about making them a priority.

I met up with some friends from college on Sunday morning for brunch. We basically spent two hours drinking mimosas and gossiping about what everyone from school is doing. I guess the mimosas hit me pretty hard because halfway through brunch I sent Brady a long and borderline ridiculous text about how much I loved and missed him and even though we fight sometimes, I couldn’t picture my life without him. He replied that he felt the exact same way and couldn’t wait for me to get home later. For some reason, this made me really happy so I decided to go shopping after brunch. I needed to sober up before I could drive home anyway.

Don’t drink and shop. I spent $301 at Sephora for literally no reason at all. I hate when that happens. When I left my shopping extravaganza at Sephora, it was late and I had to speed home so I could grab my stuff to go to the airport.

By the time I got back to Chicago, I was exhausted and cranky. Brady picked me up and I handed him my bag before climbing in the front seat and sleeping the entire way home. When we got inside, I grabbed the Trader Joe’s cookies and hopped up on the counter. Brady followed me into the kitchen.

“I just want you to know that I didn’t mean for us to break up,” he said immediately.

I stopped eating my cookie. I was really surprised that Brady is the one who initiated this conversation. “What did you mean then, Brady?”

“What did you mean?” he exclaimed. “When you said, ‘I’m done,’ I thought you meant you were done fighting. I am done fighting too.”

“Seriously, if you talk to me like that again Brady, I’ll rip your tongue out.”

He looked at me like he was concerned/frightened.

I rolled my eyes. “Oh my gosh, just kidding. And you have to promise to go see Laura with me again. She’s been emailing me asking about you.”

“I’ll go.”

“And you have to look at this place I found on Zillow.”

“Okay.”

“And I want a foot massage tonight.”

“I’ll do it.”

Is there anything better than your man groveling to get out of the doghouse? So I got a foot massage and ice cream fed to me last night. Bliss. I know Brady and I have a lot of work to do, but I want to make it work. I just hope that after he’s done trying to make it up to me he doesn’t go back to being Asshole Brady.

Anyway, enough with love drama. Let’s talk about work drama. Today a bomb was dropped in the office. Diana is leaving! She wants to spend more time with her kid and wants a change of pace and etc so she’s starting her own independent interior design firm. I’m devastated. I actually cried. She’s literally the only reason I go to work. So I have no idea what to do. I asked her what they’re going to do about her replacement and she jokingly said it would be me. I know that isn’t going to happen. What if we get some total bitch? I’m distraught.

Standard

blow job queen returns.

I decided to work a long day on Thursday so I could take Friday off. So Luke and I stayed in the office until 11:00 PM and when I got home I was hungry and exhausted. It didn’t help that I’d decided to break in a new pair of booties for my 14 hour day. By the time I got home I was practically in tears because my feet hurt so bad.

Brady was still up working in the living room. I collapsed next to him whining, “Baaaabbeee, my feet hurt.”

He barely looked up at me. “Why? What’s wrong?”

“These booties I just got suck. I’m going to return them. Will you massage my feet?” I said.

Brady sighed. “Reese, no. Can’t you see I’m doing something?”

“Don’t you care that I’m in pain?” I gasped.

“No! You had no business getting new boots when you have an entire closet full of boots anyway.” He continued typing on his laptop and I was so angry with him that I wanted to knock his glasses of his stupid face.

Instead I glared at him. His comments pissed me off so much that I wanted to say something to hurtful so he could see how it felt.

“Now do you see why I have to get attention from guys like Matt and the male model? Thanks for nothing, Brady!”

He stopped typing and turned to look at me. He was squinting like he wasn’t sure if he heard me correctly. His jaw twitched. I felt a pang of guilt and quickly added, “Just kidding!”

Brady went back to his work without saying anything.

“So how was your day?” I asked.

No response.

“How was work? Did anything happen?”

Silence.

“Baaabeeee, talk to meeee!”

“Reese, leave me alone right now!” he shouted.

I got up and stomped away. I knew it was my fault so I stomped to the kitchen and made two bowls of caramel cookie crunch gelato. I brought both of them back to the living room and sat one in front of Brady. He didn’t even glance at it. Whatever. I finished my bowl and when I noticed that the bowl I made for Brady was beginning to melt, I ate it too. Then I took a shower and got in bed.

When Brady finally got in bed, I had already fallen asleep, but I turned around groggily to face him. I missed him even in my sleep.

“Hi, I’m sorry for what I said,” I apologized.

He pulled me close to him and didn’t say anything then we fell asleep. Brady woke me up the next morning.

“Hey. I’m leaving for work,” he said when I opened my eyes.

I threw my arms around his neck and squeezed him. “Stay home with me.”

“I wish I could. I’ll try to come home early and we can go to dinner wherever you want,” Brady replied.

I pouted.

“I love you, okay?” he added.

“I love you more,” I half whined.

After Brady left I rolled back over and went to sleep until it was time to meet Preston for lunch. Earlier in the week, he’d texted me to tell me that he found out that one of the girls who hangs out with his friends is friends with Jessica the Blow Job Queen. He started to tell me about it then decided that the conversation was better for in person. So we decided to drink and have lunch on Friday.

We met at a really low key place close to Preston’s job. He assured me that they had good sangria and hummus and I asked if they had chicken strips and tequila.

“Doll face!” he greeted me outside the place. “You’re so cute. What are you wearing?”

I looked down at myself and gave him the rundown on my dress, my heels, and my Native American inspired fringe poncho. Then I spun.

“Yes! I love it! Bravo!” Preston said, clapping. It was a very Carrie-Stanford moment.

We went inside and ordered a margarita pitcher and sweet potato fries to share.

“So tell me about this girl,” I said once our order was in.

“Ohhh, yes,” Preston said dramatically. “Her name is Margaret. Is that not the ugliest name you’ve ever heard?”

I shrugged.

“She’s really good friends with my friend, Hailey, but I didn’t really have a real conversation with her until a few days ago. I was telling her about you and she said, ‘Reese? The girl who is dating the guy who works at [the name of the hospital Brady works at]?’ Her eyes lit up!”

“What were you saying about me?” I wanted to know.

“Oh, I can’t remember. I was telling her how cute you are probably.” Preston reached across the table and flipped my hair.

I glared at him suspiciously.

“Anyway, I said, ‘Yes! That’s her! How do you know her and Brady?’ That’s when Margaret told me that she’s friends with Jessica. My jaw literally fell to the ground!”

“Mmmhm,” I murmured.

“Obviously my panties were wet from the excitement at this point. I asked Margaret to tell me what she knows about Jessica and Brady so she told me the story Jessica told her… From. The. Beginning.”

“So tell me!” I exclaimed.

“I don’t believe it…” Preston said.

“I want to know!”

“Apparently Brady and Jessica started sexting right after they met. Jessica claimed Brady started it, but I know that man would never initiate something like that! I didn’t say that though.”

I nodded.

“Supposedly Brady was telling Jessica how much he wanted to fuck her and Jessica wasn’t sure because she didn’t want to mix business with pleasure. But Brady was hot and persistent so she was torn. Plus he was sending her dick pics and she was impressed.”

“Yeah fucking right! Brady would never do that!” I said loudly. Brady has never even sent me a dick pic!

“Right?! I really wanted to tell her that the story didn’t sound right, but I didn’t want her to stop telling me stuff. Let me finish my story.”

I nodded.

“So Jessica said that she and Brady fooled around once then he got a girlfriend (you). She said that Brady continued hitting her up, but she told him to stop because he has a girlfriend. He told her that he didn’t care about being in a relationship and it wasn’t serious, blah blah blah…” Preston said.

“Ugh.”

“Yeah. So then apparently you sent her that Facebook message telling her to back off your man. Margaret called you a crazy bitch. Jessica was pissed and told Brady never to talk to her again since he can’t control his psycho girlfriend. As you can imagine, I was literally in tears at this point.”

I glared at him.

“Anyway, so they didn’t talk for a few months, but Jessica started to miss him since they were pretty good friends beforehand. They somehow made up and started talking again. Jessica said they started having sex regularly even though he still had a girlfriend. She justified it by saying you were a psycho bitch…”

“Wait.” I tried to put a timeline together in my head. I sent Jessica the Facebook message sometime in December before Brady and I went to Houston. As far as I knew they didn’t talk again until after we broke up in March. But what if they started talking before that when Brady started working late a lot and going through that quarterlife crisis? What if he broke up with me because he wanted to continue to have sex with Jessica guilt free?

“You’re not believing any of this bullshit, are you?” Preston asked.

“I don’t know,” I admitted.

“This girl is literally living on another planet. She’s pulling stories right out of her ass.”

“But would someone really lie about regularly having sex with someone?”

“She lied about everything else, why wouldn’t she? Anyway, can I finish? I haven’t even gotten to the good part.”

“Go on.”

“So apparently he told her that he wanted to continue being in a relationship with you, but still wanted to fuck her on the side. Jessica wasn’t okay with this arrangement and told him that he either needed to break up with you and offer her more or she was done. They got in a huge fight and had a falling out and Jessica blocked him on everything. They haven’t spoken since and now Jessica hates his guts.”

“Did she forget the part where she sent me a picture of my boyfriend getting dressed after sex?” I said.

“Apparently. She obviously knew how desperate that looked so she didn’t admit that to her friends.” Preston laughed.

“Brady told me they only had sex once. After we broke up,” I pointed out.

“Well, when would he have had time to cheat on you, Reese?” Preston asked.

“I don’t know, maybe all those times he was ‘working late.’ He could still be hooking up with her for all I know,” I said.

“Honestly, I don’t believe Brady has the balls to cheat on anyone. Especially someone like you. He, of all people, knows how crazy you are. I think Jessica is just bitter and disgruntled. I didn’t tell you this so you would go accuse Brady of cheating on you. I told you so we could laugh at how ridiculous it is.”

I smiled. “I just feel like this whole situation has been unsettling.”

“It has been, but at least the witch is dead. Margaret says she’s dating some insane meathead who screams at her if she doesn’t call him every hour. So she’s finally met her match.”

“Good for her.”

I couldn’t stop thinking about it as we downed our margs and then I realized that Preston is probably (hopefully) right. Jessica is clearly having delusions of grandeur. Although I did plan on casually asking Brady to remind me why he and Jessica stopped talking.

After lunch we went shopping. Then I had to go home and hide all my new purchases because I don’t have time to be lectured by Brady. I texted him letting him know where I wanted to go for dinner then got ready. Brady picked me up from home as soon as he left work so we could be home in time to meet Lindsey.

I’d decided I wanted a cheeseburger so we went to this famous gourmet burger place. I insisted on sitting on the same side of the booth and we ordered truffle fries to start. I asked Brady to tell me about work and when he tried to be vague, I made him elaborate. I had a pretty embarrassing and eye opening experience when I was talking to some people at work about Brady and they asked what he does at his job and why it seems to be so stressful. I realized that I’m not really exactly sure what he does.

“You don’t know what your boyfriend does?” one of the girls asked, stunned. “You should probably figure it out.”

I felt awful. So I realized I need to be more interested in Brady’s work life. I also decided that we were going to have a great dinner, but I wanted to hash a few things out.

After I shoveled several truffle fries in my mouth, I asked, “Do you feel like living together is making us hate each other?”

“No. Why?” Brady replied.

“Because I feel like it is. Well, I feel like you’re always so annoyed with me lately,” I said.

“That isn’t true. I’m sorry you feel that way,” he said.

“I don’t want to be fighting all the time in front of Lindsey. We should discuss some house rules so you don’t keep yelling at me.”

Brady’s brow furrowed, but he said, “Okay.”

“So, you start. What should I stop doing to annoy you?” I said sweetly.

“Um. I would appreciate if you would be a little more considerate. I know you’re used to living alone, but you aren’t now and you need to take into consideration that you’re living with another person. And soon it will be two other people.”

“Give me some examples.”

“For example, sometimes you don’t clean up after you get ready and don’t even notice when I clean it up for you. It’s like you think the place cleans itself up,” Brady said.

“Well, I don’t ask you to clean my things up. I am capable of cleaning up after myself,” I said back.

“Yeah? And how long will it take you?”

I felt like he was getting a little worked up so I grabbed his face and said, “Brady, be nice.”

“I am.”

“I think you should tell me immediately when I’m pissing you off and not hold it in and blow up on me. You’ve yelled at me like everyday for the past two weeks,” I sniffled.

“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to yell at you,” Brady said. “I enjoy having you around all the time, I just think I’m still getting used to it too.”

“Me too,” I agreed. And then I decided to be a little daring. “Maybe once Lindsey moves out, we can start looking for a place for us to get together.”

Brady looked at me like I suggested snorting coke out of each other’s butts. “Why?”

“I don’t know. Because you bought your place for just yourself and we should find something more suitable for both of us.” I was kind of just saying this just to see if Brady actually wants to live with me long term, without actually asking him.

“I like where I live,” he said, looking down at the table.

“I do too, but we should probably find somewhere that has a home office for you and more storage for all my stuff.”

“Good point.”

“So do you want to or no?”

“That’s just a big commitment.” Brady finally looked back at me and he looked guilty for some reason.

“I know, but aren’t you committed to me? We are getting married one day, of course.”

He sighed.

“I mean, I’m not going to force you to if you don’t want to. It was just a suggestion,” I added.

“We can look into it, okay? I don’t want to rush into anything.”

I nodded.

We were really nice to each other for the rest of dinner so I didn’t want to bring up Jessica. I would save that for another time.

On Saturday morning I woke up and made breakfast for everyone. I planned on spending the day drinking with Luke and leaving Brady and Lindsey at home to get settled in. Luke and I went to a bar and grill and had apps and drinks then sat there for two hours having an emotional conversation about our families and upbringing. His parents divorced when he was in high school and he says it was really tough having to go through that plus coming out as gay. I can’t imagine.

We hit up a few bars and had drinks until we eventually got restless. I called Brady to pick us up. We dropped Luke off first and headed home. When we arrived home, I was still feeling tipsy and a little bit emotional and I could no longer hold in my questions about Jessica.

I followed Brady into the kitchen and watched as he started unloading the dishwasher. I hopped up on the counter and said, “Baby, I have a question.”

“Mmhm,” Brady said.

“Why did you stop talking to Jessica?” I asked.

Brady gave me a weird look. “I don’t know. Because I had no reason to continue talking to her.”

“So basically you just pumped and dumped her?”

He blinked at me.

“How many times did y’all have sex?”

“Once.”

“Are you sure it was only once, Brady?” I asked innocently.

“Yes, I’m sure! Why are you asking me this?” He sounded like he was getting frustrated. I don’t think he had any right to be frustrated, but I was still feeling kind of bad.

“Because I heard otherwise…”

“What did you hear?”

“That you were having a sexual relationship with her the whole time we were together! And you only stopped because she wanted more!” I exclaimed.

“Who told you that? That’s isn’t true,” Brady said calmly.

“It doesn’t matter who told me. Did you cheat on me with her?”

“No!” Now he was getting a little bit worked up. “I can’t believe you would ask me that. Do you seriously think I would do that to you?”

“Well, I don’t even know at this point, Brady.”

His jaw twitched. “She did want more. She said I led her on.”

“Elaborate,” I said, crossing my arms across my chest.

“We were texting a lot and she must have thought I was interested in her. After we…you know, I wasn’t that nice to her and I told her that I wasn’t interested in her romantically.”

“You were texting a lot when?” I asked.

“After we broke up,” Brady said, looking down. I tapped his chest with my foot to make him look back up at me.

“So you did lead her on. You buttered her up to get in her pants. Then after you got what you wanted, you had no use for her anymore. Is that accurate?” I nodded for him.

“I guess that’s pretty accurate.” Brady paused, rubbing his neck. “I knew I wanted to eventually work things out with you.”

“Oh, don’t try to drag me into this. You were obviously not thinking about me at all.”

“I was. I thought she would be a distraction, but it actually made me miss you more.”

I rolled my eyes. “Did you eat her out?”

Brady groaned. “Reese, what? Stop. Why are you doing this?”

“I just want to know.” It was actually my way of deciding if Brady actually just wanted sex with her or if he wanted more. Oral sex is very intimate and you aren’t just going to go down on a random person.

“I did once. I-”

I started bawling. Like sobbing uncontrollably. Brady stepped closer to me and put his arms around my waist and I tried to push him away.

“I’m disappointed in you,” I sobbed.

“Why? Reese, we were broken up at the time…”

I continued crying.

“What about Carly’s brother? You did the same thing to me.”

“I did not! We never did anything other than have sex. It was meaningless. Having your mouth on someone’s vagina isn’t meaningless!”

Brady looked up at the ceiling like he was losing patience with me. Over his shoulder I saw Lindsey step into the doorway to see what the commotion was. When she saw what was going on, she backed away and mouthed, “Sorry.”

“I don’t want to talk about this again. I would never, ever cheat on you and if you think I would then I don’t want continue in a relationship with you,” Brady said. The stern tone in his voice made me stop crying and look at him.

“I don’t want to think you would, but Preston is friends with Jessica’s friend and Preston told me some stuff he heard from Jessica’s friend,” I explained.

“So you heard some story from Preston who heard it from some random friend?”

I nodded, realizing that it did sound kind of stupid.

Brady turned around and started to walk away.

“Where are you going?” I asked.

He didn’t answer and walked out of the kitchen. Ugh. So now he was mad, again. I sat on the counter for a few minutes, waiting for him to come back. When he didn’t I hopped down to find him. I heard voices in Lindsey’s room so I poked my head in. Brady was sitting on the bed while Lindsey hung up clothes.

“Hey! We think we’re going to go to the bar,” she said.

Since I had spent the entire day drinking with Luke I told them I was going to pass. Then I showered and got in bed. I vaguely remember hearing them leave, but Brady didn’t even bother telling me he was leaving. So whatever.

I woke up around midnight and made a huge dinner for myself. Then I ate all of it while watching Teen Mom 2 OnDemand. I was on my second episode when the door opened and Brady and Lindsey came in talking loudly. Good thing I wasn’t trying to sleep.

“Heyyyy, what are you doing up?” Brady asked, plopping on the couch next to me. He smelled like a bar.

“Reese, you should have come out!” Lindsey said.

I shrugged.

She shouted good night then went to her room. Brady was leaning on me and saying something like, “I love you, I missed you.”

He ended up passing out right there on the couch. I tried to get him to get up and get in the bed, but to no avail. So I helped him get comfy. Brady never, ever drinks to the point of passing out so I didn’t mind taking care of him. Plus he takes care of me all the time when I get too drunk to function.

Brady woke up really early on Sunday morning and got in the bed with me.

“Hey,” I greeted him, still half asleep.

“I feel like shit,” he told me and I laughed. We slept until noon.

I spent most of the day working while Brady and Lindsey went for a jog and went grocery shopping. Lindsey made dinner, but she eats really clean so I only made it through three bites. Luckily I have a stash of Oreos in the nightstand so I had those for dinner instead.

Brady said he didn’t want to talk about Jessica anymore so I didn’t bring it up even though we didn’t really finish our conversation. I texted Preston telling him what happened and he said, “Reese, I thought we decided we didn’t believe her. Why did you fucking ask him about it? God, you’re crazy.”

The nerve of him to call me crazy.

I still don’t know how to feel about the whole Jessica thing. I know I probably shouldn’t let it get to me, but everything gets to me. When I got to work this morning, I sent Brady a really sweet email apologizing for the way I handled the situation and telling him that I think his heart is too big to be capable of hurting me like that. So far he hasn’t responded, but I do think I meant it.

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the next cindy crawford.

Things were still kind of icy between Brady and me. On Monday he got home late and then worked in the dining room for the entire night. It really annoyed me, but I guess he has a right to be a workaholic if he wants to be. When he finally got in bed I was half asleep and he didn’t even try to snuggle me.

When I woke up on Tuesday morning, Brady was up and ready to leave for work.

“Have a good day!” I called after him just as he was about to walk out the bedroom door.

He turned and looked at me. “Oh, I didn’t even know you were awake.” Brady seemed to debate with himself for a little bit before finally deciding to walk back over to the bed and kiss me.

I worked for a few hours that morning at the office then I went shopping on my lunch break. Doesn’t everyone do that? I’m currently looking high and low for the perfect pair of jeans so I decided to spend my break trying on jeans instead of eating. I walked into the store and immediately made eye contact with a beautiful biracial guy wearing a hooded fall jacket. I had to do a double take. He was like, ridiculously good looking. Out of habit, I smiled at him and he smiled back then I went on my jean hunt.

I took about a dozen pairs of jeans into the fitting room and only tried on two before I got annoyed and gave up. Trying on clothes (specifically jeans) is physically taxing. I walked out of the fitting room and the hot guy was standing in the waiting area, shirtless, checking himself out in the full length mirror. His body was banging and he had tattoos covering his biceps and chest. He kind of reminded me of my ex, but much prettier. We locked eyes in the mirror and I gave him a weird look.

“Sorry,” he said, looking sheepish.

“No need to apologize. Do whatever you want,” I said waving him away.

I walked around the store and continued shopping. I ended up finding a few things and got in line. Right behind my new bae. He turned around and saw me then started complaining about there not being enough cashiers working. Always down to complain, I began talking to him.

I found out that he’s a model (he modestly informed me of this at beginning of our conversation) and needed a nice pair of jeans for a shoot he’s doing. He told me I should model, only commercial though because I’m good looking, but I’m a little short. And then he said he wanted to pass me along to his agent because I have potential. Obviously I’m not about to ignore an opportunity to become the next Cindy Crawford so I gave him my number. His name is Jordan.

Someone wrote me on Twitter and said I should do something nice for Brady everyday and I loved that idea. I’ll admit that I don’t do enough to show him how much I love and appreciate him and I probably don’t say it enough either. So I decided to print off some pictures of us and make a cute little scrapbook with sweets notes and stuff. See? I’m crafty.

I printed out a few of my favorite pictures and cut them out. Then it was time to add the text. And I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. It’s so hard for me to put my feelings into words. Especially without being too sappy or cheesy. So I just stared at the pictures for like ten minutes. Then Luke walked in my office and we worked for the rest of the day.

When I got home, I made dinner and waited for Brady to get home. As soon as I heard the front door open I rushed to greet him.

“Hi!” I squealed, throwing my arms around him.

“Hey,” Brady said. He kissed me quickly then peeled me off and walked around me into the house.

“I made dinner. Do you want wine?” I said following him.

“I’m okay right now,” he called over his shoulder. Brady walked into the living room and sat on the couch then immediately started looking intently at his phone.

“How was your day?” I asked, sitting next to him.

“Okay. How was yours?”

“Fine.”

Brady didn’t respond and just kept looking at his phone. So I just sat there looking at him looking at his phone.

Suddenly I whined, “Do you even like me?”

“Hmm?” Brady seemed startled and put his phone down. “Of course I do. I love you.”

I pouted and felt my eyes actually filling up with tears. “You’ve said like four words to me in the past two days.”

“I’m sorry.” Brady grabbed me. “There are some changes going on at work so I’ve been a little bit distracted.”

“What kind of changes?” I wanted to know.

“Staffing and operational changes. It’s just going to take some getting used to. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to ignore you.”

“Okay,” I sniffled.

We went and had dinner and while we ate, I told Brady about the model I met.

“So, at 26 years old you think it’s time you began a career in modeling?” he said, taking a bite of food.

I laughed. “Not necessarily. I don’t know. But what if I get discovered and become a famous model? I could quit my job and do one campaign a month and be rich.”

“That’s extremely unrealistic,” Brady said.

“Because I’m ugly?”

“No. Because people spend years and years perfecting their craft. What makes you think you can just walk in and be good enough to make a career out of it immediately?”

“I could be a natural.”

“Do you think that guy really wants to help you get into modeling or do you think he just wanted an excuse to get your number?”

“I think he wants to help me.”

“You’re not that naive, Reese. Why do you act so stupid when it comes to male attention? You know what his intentions are.”

“Why do you think guys only think ‘sex’ when they meet me?”

“Because they do!” Brady exclaimed. My mouth dropped open. “I’m a man! I know how men think.”

“If I’m only good for sex then why are you even with me?” I asked, glaring at him.

“That’s not what I said,” Brady sighed.

“Just because you think that’s all I have to offer doesn’t mean every man agrees,” I said. “I know you’re used to dating girls who went to Harvard and don’t groom their eyebrows and enjoy boring missionary sex.”

“What are you talking about?”

I downed my glass of wine and ignored him.

“Reese, I don’t think that’s all you have to offer. I know you’re intelligent and creative and driven and funny. I’m just saying guys don’t necessarily care about that when they meet an attractive woman,” Brady said.

“That’s stupid,” I said.

“I know.”

We dropped the subject and a little while later, Jordan texted me. “Hey, it’s Jordan. I passed your information on to my agent. Are you free for a drink this week? I want to see you again.”

So maybe Brady was kind of right. I didn’t reply.

Brady must have felt bad about our little argument because on Wednesday night he came home with a bouquet of fall flowers and a bag full of fresh baked cookies from a bakery around here. It made me feel a little bit bad because I never even finished my little scrapbook.

“Aww, thank you boo,” I said hugging him. Then I proceeded to eat half a dozen cookies in lieu of dinner. It turned out to be not such a great idea though because I woke up really early this morning puking. Way too many pumpkin macadamia cookies.

Which reminds me, since I’m no longer living in my apartment where I had access to a nice ass gym, I need to get a gym membership so I don’t get huge. I actually miss working out. Maybe that’ll be my goal for the weekend.

Anyway, Lindsey will be here tomorrow night. She’s going to take over the spare room which I was using as storage so I had to move all my shit to make it habitable for her. I asked Brady how long he was expecting her to stay and he said just a few weeks until she finds a place of her own. And that I should help her find an apartment since I’m so familiar with the rental market. I already have like four places bookmarked.

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