Wednesday was Lindsey’s birthday so after work we met up at a bar for food and drinks. It was mostly Brady and Lindsey’s mutual guy friends, but Lindsey had also invited a guy from work, Cody. Lindsey isn’t a super gossipy girly girl like me so she hasn’t mentioned crushing on a guy from work. But when I saw the way Lindsey looked when Cody arrived, I realized. And suddenly I was so excited for her!
There was also a baseball game on so everyone was really excited for that. Brady was basically ignoring me so I had to entertain myself by drinking and talking to one of Brady’s coworkers. He has a wife and kids at home which is cute, but I began to get bored so I started telling him about me and Brady’s future plans.
He listened for a little while then he laughed and said, “Does Brady know about all of this?”
And I’m like, “Obviously yes. We planned it all together.” He made it sound like I’m some sort of crazy person.
After the game, we all just kind of sat there until I finally said, “Do y’all wanna go somewhere else?”
Everyone looked at each other then agreed. So we walked a few blocks to a brand new bar that just opened. We got a table and ordered Moscow mules. No one was really talking so I asked, “Who won the game?” just to make conversation. Literally everyone glared at me.
Brady put his arm around me and leaned close. “It wasn’t a good game. They aren’t happy about it.”
I shrugged and sipped my drink. What a bunch of babies. Since everyone was being antisocial, Brady and I sat there talking and being cutesy. I got bored and wanted to go somewhere else, but only Lindsey and Cody decided to go with us. Everyone else needed to go cry about the baseball game.
Even though I’d eaten at the first bar, the next bar had steak nachos on the menu and obviously I had to order them. They were phenomenal, obviously. I decided to get to know Cody and make sure I approved of Lindsey seeing him. They work together as business analysts or managers or something I didn’t really catch. So I started chatting him up and asking him questions about life.
I know I’m naturally kind of a flirty person, but I didn’t think I was flirting with Cody. I must have seemed like I was though because Brady nudged me hard. I turned to him, shocked and ready to fight, and he mouthed, “Stop.”
So I stopped talking and made love to my nachos. It started to get really late and we were tired so we called an Uber to take us home. When we got inside, Brady and I got in bed and he said, “Love you, Reese,” and kissed me goodnight.
I started bawling. I have no idea why.
“What’s wrong?” Brady asked.
“Do you actually love me or are you just saying that?” I sobbed.
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it,” he replied.
“Are you sure?” I sniffled.
“Yes, I’m sure. Stop crying and go to sleep,” Brady said. I could tell he was getting annoyed with me so I hugged him and went to sleep.
So Thursday was a bit of a struggle because I was so hungover. I felt like shit and hid out until it was time for lunch. Then Luke and I walked to Chipotle and after I ate an entire burrito bowl plus chips and guac I was fine.
On Thursday night, I got drinks with Preston. He’s dating a new guy, Joe, so I haven’t seen much of him lately. And the whole time he only wanted to talk about Joe. I don’t think I am, but I really hope I’m not like that with Brady. And usually when Preston and I go out, we check out the hot guys and discuss, but even Preston didn’t want to do that. He bounced after only like an hour.
“Love you, doll, let’s do something soon,” he said, hugging me and then breezing out.
I felt like I had gotten ditched so I texted Preston letting him know. I probably could have found a nicer way to say it, but I said, “Preston, I know you’re really excited about your new boyfriend and I’m excited for you, but I felt like you kind of chose him over me tonight. You didn’t ask how my life is going and you only hung out with me for like an hour. We hardly ever spend any real time together anymore.”
He replied, “You’re being so dramatic. We see each other all the time. And I’m sorry that for once, everything wasn’t all about you, Reese. I know it’s hard to believe, but there is a world outside of your life.”
Whoa. I didn’t know what to say back so I didn’t say anything. Then Preston added, “Kendra says hi by the way. Says she hasn’t seen you since the wedding.”
The nerve! I’ve been giving Kendra space to enjoy married life, but I still talk to her almost everyday. I even told her that! I told her that I didn’t want to be needy so for her to let me know when she’s free. And so far she hasn’t been! I was so irritated.
Diana’s official last day was on Friday. Naturally, I cried the entire day. She called me into her office to talk after her going away party. I pulled myself together and walked in there.
“Since there isn’t a replacement for me quite yet, you are going to have a pick up a little more work. Dave thinks he can handle it by himself, but he can’t and I want you to step in and show him hard working and effective you can be,” she said.
“I will,” I assured her. “I planned on it anyway.”
“Of course. Dave wants to give you more responsibility and put you in a higher position, but he’s afraid you aren’t emotionally mature enough yet.”
Wait, what? I know I’m not the most mature person in the world, but I definitely thought I hid it well at work. So maybe Brady is right, maybe I need to take work more seriously. Especially since Diana is leaving and I may be getting a new boss soon.
On Saturday morning, I got up and made breakfast for everyone (avocado toast, turkey bacon, and fresh fruit). Lindsey walked in the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water while I was making the food. It looked like she was about to go for a run because she was in her workout clothes and shoes.
“Hey! I made breakfast whenever you get back,” I told her.
“I’m not hungry. Thanks though!” she said quickly and practically bolted out.
I didn’t think anything of it and went to get Brady. After we ate, Brady’s friend, Dan, brought his dog over so we could babysit for the day. I love when we dog sit. Especially because we don’t actually have to take care of him and can give him back after a day.
So I played with the little terrier (Charlie) for several hours. I took him for a long walk, took about sixteen videos for Snapchat, and fed him Cheezits. Charlie seemed to get tired of me and went and hid behind an armchair. We legit couldn’t find him for like two hours.
Brady and I got dressed up and went to dinner that night. I told him about the Preston situation and how upset I was about it. I hadn’t talked to Preston since and wasn’t sure if I wanted to.
“Maybe how you’re feeling is how your friends feel all the time,” Brady suggested.
I gasped. “There’s no way! I would never choose a guy over my friends. Not even you!”
Brady laughed. “Sure you wouldn’t, but maybe they don’t feel that. You have to think not only about what you’re doing and saying, but also how it’s perceived.”
I just stared at him.
“Speaking of which, Lindsey is kind of upset with you about how you were acting with that guy she works with.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, confused.
“Well, because you were flirting with him-”
“I was not!” I interjected.
“Okay. You were being friendly – Reese style. A little too friendly. Lindsey isn’t used to it and feels like it was inappropriate,” Brady explained. “Maybe you could apologize when you see her.”
“Apologize? I didn’t do anything wrong! If she feels like that then how come she won’t come talk to me about it?” I said.
“She’s afraid to. I explained your personality to her and she’s still really unhappy about it.”
So I felt really bad. I honestly wasn’t trying to flirt with Cody, I didn’t even find him attractive at all. But I still decided I was going to apologize to Lindsey and explain myself.
After dinner we stayed and had several drinks. We talked about going out afterwards, but ultimately figured we were too tired and just wanted to sleep. I called an Uber and we went outside to wait for him to pick us up. It was freezing and I watched him get lost on the Uber map several times. I finally called him and demanded to know what he was doing.
“Hi, is this Reese?” he answered.
“Yes, this is Reese. Where are you?” I asked.
He explained that he had taken a wrong turn and would be there in five minutes. The entire time we waited I complained about how dumb he was for getting lost and how cold I was until Brady finally said, “Okay, okay. I think he’s here.”
Sure enough the dark colored Kia stopped at the curb to pick us up.
“Where have you been?” I yelled as soon as I opened the door.
My driver apologized and explained his wrong turn again.
“Me and my boyfriend have frostbite now so thanks for that!” I continued.
“Reese,” Brady said, nudging me.
“What? I can hardly hear you because my ears are frozen off!” I yelled.
Neither of them said anything for a little while and I leaned on Brady’s shoulder, dozing off. When we arrived home, the driver apologized again and I said, “It’s fine, but don’t let it happen again! Bye!”
When we got inside Charlie was waiting for us by the door.
“Hi little guy! I missed you, did you miss me?” I said in my doggy/baby voice. I scooped him up in my arms and started kissing his head and to my shock and horror, he growled and bit me. Not hard enough to break skin, but still. I screamed and put him down.
“Reese, was that really necessary?” Brady asked.
“No! I didn’t even do anything, why would this animal bite me?” I screamed.
“No, I meant the way you treated our Uber driver. That was rude and incredibly embarrassing.”
“Oh my gosh, who cares? I need to get a rabies shot!”
Brady rolled his eyes and walked past me. I cried for approximately one minute then I realized that Charlie wanted to play. So I played with him for a little while until Lindsey walked in. She saw me and said hi then shuffled to her room without making eye contact.
“Lindsey hates me,” I announced, walking into the bedroom.
“Did you talk to her?” Brady asked.
“No, she’s literally avoiding me,” I said.
“Just corner her and apologize.” Brady said this like it was the most obvious solution in the world.
I didn’t respond because my phone vibrated. Andrew.
“I’m in Chicago this week and I need to see you,” he said.
“Why?” I replied, figuring it was something important or business related because it sounded so urgent.
“I miss you. I miss your smile and your humor. You were one of my best directors.”
“Maybe we could get dinner, my treat. And we no longer work together so you don’t have to be afraid to come to my hotel room.”
And a few seconds later, he added, “I think about you all the time. And how wet you were for me.”
I gasped just as Brady asked, “Who are you texting?” I hadn’t realized it, but he had been talking to me the whole time, but I wasn’t responding.
Instinctively, I pulled my phone to my chest so Brady couldn’t see the screen. “No one.”
Brady gave me a weird look. I thought about coming clean and showing him, but it would only prove to him that guys just want sex with me.
So obviously I didn’t text Andrew back. I put my phone on do not disturb and then Brady and I fooled around and hooked up.
On Sunday, Brady and I went to church and then to brunch with Kendra and John. After what Preston said I felt guilty about it so I kind of invited ourselves along.
At brunch Kendra was like, “So how is it living together?”
Brady and I looked at each other.
“It’s weird right?” she went on.
“It’s definitely an adjustment,” Brady said.
“I lived with Reese for five months and it was like living with four toddlers and three pets,” Kendra said and everyone laughed. I glared at her.
After brunch, Brady and I walked home hand in hand being all cutesy.
“Babe, are we still getting married this winter?” I asked, out of nowhere.
He looked at me like he had no idea what I was talking about at all.
“Remember we decided to get engaged over the summer and married in the winter? You didn’t propose, but we could still do it,” I explained.
Brady looked straight ahead and waited a few moments before saying, “Are you sure you want to marry me? You won’t be able to flirt with random guys or text inappropriately with your former boss.”
I turned and looked at him, stunned that he knew about Andrew. How did he find out? My phone is super password protected. I was super weirded out.
I didn’t see Lindsey again until Sunday night. She was in the kitchen making tea and I figured it was the perfect time to apologize.
“Hey girl,” I said.
She glanced at me over her shoulder and said, “Hey.”
“I owe you an apology. I was seriously not trying to flirt with Cody the other night and I feel terrible that you think I was. I’m not that kinda girl. I was just trying to help you out,” I said.
“Oh,” Lindsey said, sounding relieved almost. “It’s okay. I’m not mad.”
“K, good. I was worried you hated me.”
She turned around and faced me, but didn’t make eye contact. “Did you apologize to Brady too?”
I scrunched my nose up, confused. “No. Why?”
“Because acting like that with another man in front of your boyfriend is disrespectful…”
I stared at her.
“This isn’t just about me. Brady deserves an apology too.”
It hadn’t occurred to me that I needed to apologize to Brady too, but duh. He was even giving me little passive aggressive clues.
So I went and found Brady downstairs, watching football or something and working on his laptop. I pushed his laptop closed and got on his lap.
“Bae, be honest. Will you not get serious with me because I flirt with guys?” I asked.
“You’re living with me. How much more serious do you want to get right now, Reese?” he said.
“You know. I want to get a house and a dog and I want you to propose and plan our wedding. Then get married and have a kid in two to three years,” I said.
Brady leaned his head back on the couch. “That has nothing to do with you being flirty. I know how you are.”
“So what is it? Are you afraid of commitment?” I pressed on.
And to my surprise, Brady said, “Yes.”
I didn’t expect him to admit that. I mean obviously he’s afraid of commitment, but I can’t remember a time he’s flat out admitted it to me.
“Oh. Well I’m sorry for flirting with Cody and I’m sorry for wanting to be with you forever.”
“Reese,” he sighed. “Why do you always have to rock the boat? Can’t we just be happy with where we are?”
I started crying. I’m such a fucking pussy lately. Brady let me cry for a moment and then he wiped my tears.
“Do you want me to move out?” I asked.
“Do you even like me?”
“Why are you afraid of commitment? Are you afraid there’s someone better out there? Are you just having fun with me until your real soulmate comes along?”
“Reese, I don’t know!” Brady exclaimed. “I’ve never been in this situation. I don’t know what I’m doing and frankly, neither do you. I don’t want to fuck up.”
I hugged him. Even though he kind of yelled at me, he was obviously being truthful. Finally. And at least he didn’t want to fuck up our relationship. That means something, right?
He hugged me back and whispered, “Let’s not rush, okay? When it’s time, we’ll know.”
So I scheduled an appointment for us with Laura. I feel like we have a lot to talk to her about and I can’t wait until she tells us why Brady is afraid of commitment. It must be something to do with his parents. It has to be.