Brady and I got in a ton of petty arguments throughout the week. One night, I was playing Beyoncé in Brady’s room while he worked in the dining room. It wasn’t even that loud (at least I didn’t think so), but Brady came in the room like, “Do you know what time it is?”

I looked down at the clock on my laptop. “10:10? Why?”

“It’s late. Your music is loud,” he said.

“It isn’t even that loud,” I rolled my eyes. “Plus it’s Beyoncé so…”

“It’s inconsiderate.”

“Fine, fine, fine,” I sighed, turning the volume down.

“Would it kill you to at least pretend to care about other people?” Brady said and turned to leave.

“Excuse me?” I shouted after him.

He didn’t come back so I went back to my laptop and we didn’t mention it again.

Another night, I got home from work and lit a ton of candles because I’m going through a candle phase and I placed orders with Yankee, Bath and Body Works, Anthropologie, and Target. I couldn’t decide which scent I was in the mood for so I lit them all.

I started making dinner and waited for Brady to get home. I heard the door open, but Brady didn’t come find me right away. So I went to find him. He was in the living room blowing out all my candles.

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey. You can’t just leave candles burning unattended this like,” he replied.

“They aren’t unattended. I’m right here.”

“They are unattended! It’s a fire hazard. You could burn this whole place down. Especially when they are burning this low.” He was pointing at one of the candles that was still almost halfway full.

“Oh my gosh,” I said, trying to stay calm. “It’s fine. It’s not a big deal. No reason to freak out.”

“Actually, it is kind of a big deal, Reese. It’s dangerous and incredibly irresponsible.”

“Oh my God, you’re so annoying,” I said and turned to leave. We ignored each other for a little while, but had make up sex that night.

The big blow out came on Friday morning. Brady was getting ready in the bathroom and I was sitting on the bed putting my mascara on. My parents were flying in later so I was listing off potential places we could take them for dinner.

“I don’t know if I’ll be in the mood for Asian, but we could try to get a table at Sunda. Or we could do Spiaggia. What do you think?” I babbled.

“I don’t fucking care, Reese!” Brady yelled. “Do whatever you want!”

I dropped my mascara wand on the white bed. “What the hell is your problem?”

“Just pick somewhere and we’ll go. You’re the only one who cares. Fucking pick something,” he said.

I finished up my makeup and stormed out without saying goodbye. Brady was being mean for literally no reason at all and I was not about to let him talk to me like that.

Later on in the day he texted me, “Hey, I’ll pick you up at 6:30, okay?”

The plan was that Brady would pick me up from work then we would pick up my parents from the airport and then go to dinner. I replied, “Whatever.”

When Brady came to get me, I got in the car and didn’t say anything. He tried to talk, but I ignored him. I knew I was being childish, but I thought he needed to apologize. So the majority of the drive to the airport was silent. Then Brady said, “So are you just not going to speak to me?”

“You’re an asshole. No, I’m not speaking to you,” I said.

“How am I an asshole?” he wanted to know.

“How?!” I repeated. “You screamed at me this morning for no reason. I just wanted to know where you wanted to go for dinner!”

“God, would you stop being so dramatic?” he said.

“I just think you should apologize. I’m not being dramatic. It was rude.”

“I don’t care where we go for dinner and I’m sure your parents don’t either. I can’t believe we are still talking about this.”

“Because. You. Were. Rude.”

“Okay, I’m sorry! Will you get over it now? Jeez.”

“No, I’m not over it,” I said and we didn’t talk for the remainder of the ride to the airport.

So dinner with my parents was kind of awkward. Brady and I didn’t want to talk to each other, but we couldn’t let it be known that we weren’t talking. I think my mom caught on at one point and looked from Brady to me and back a few times. She didn’t mention it though.

We dropped them off at their hotel then went home. Brady went to do work in the living room and I got in bed. Later on Brady came in the room and got undressed then got in bed with me. I had full intentions of ignoring him until the end of time, but he smelled so good that I just couldn’t keep my hands off.

I slid my arm around his neck and kissed him then he got on top of me. We proceeded to have sex and it was amazing. We didn’t say a word to each other or make eye contact. Lol. Once we were done, Brady said, “I love you,” and kissed me. Then we fell asleep.

Saturday was Kendra’s wedding. I had to wake up at the ass crack of dawn to prepare for everything. She didn’t do so many things I plan to do when I get married. Like hire a makeup artist and hair stylist. We literally all got dressed and did own hair and makeup in the hotel room. I thought we were supposed to be pampered! I ended up helping everyone with their makeup though because no one went full on glam except me and this was a wedding after all.

She also ordered a plain black limo to take us to the church. Personally, I would have requested something more white and bridal, but that’s just me. The ceremony was pretty basic, but I cried like a baby through the whole thing. I honestly felt like I was losing my best friend. I couldn’t even look at the guests because I was kind of mortified that I was crying like that. Carly noticed I was crying so she started crying too. She’s definitely one of those people who cries just because everyone else is. Oh well. I hope I didn’t ruin the wedding.

We went downtown to take pictures after the ceremony. I had to basically reapply all my makeup because I cried it all off. Hashtag pathetic. The reception was at a hotel downtown. When we got there, Brady found me right away and hugged me.

“You’re so cute,” he laughed. “Why were you crying?”

“Because I just lost my best friend!” I exclaimed like he should’ve known that already.

“You haven’t lost her. She will still be around,” he assured me.

I pouted.

“Plus, you still have me. I’ll be your best friend.”

I threw my arms around him and kissed him. We were super sweet to each other for the rest of the day. My mom caught on and said, “Hmm, should we start planning for y’all next?”

I rolled my eyes and said, “Ugh, Mom, stop.”

I try not to talk marriage with Brady anymore. Especially since I don’t even know if I would want to marry him now.

So now Kendra and John are in Mexico for their honeymoon. Lucky! My parents left Chicago on Saturday night. I was exhausted from the long day and couldn’t even make the trip to the airport to drop them off.

On Sunday Brady and I got brunch with Carly before her flight. I really wanted some alone time with her so I get her advice about getting along with Brady and living with him, but she insisted he come along. She must have noticed something was up because later she texted me, “Is everything okay with you two?”

I think I was probably being a bitch to him the whole meal and I felt bad. And I wanted us to go back to normal so I went to find my boo. He was in the living talking on the phone and I jumped in his lap and planted a huge kiss on his cheek. He gave me a mean look, gestured to his phone and shooed me away. Rude. So I flipped him the bird and walked out.

A few minutes later, Brady came and found me and apologized. I told him that I would only forgive him if he ordered pizza so he did. Is that bratty? I don’t care.

So I don’t know y’all. I feel like living with Brady is making us hate each other. Or maybe we just aren’t compatible after all. It sucks. I miss being obsessed and cutesy with him. And get this. His friend Lindsey was offered the job in Chicago and is going to stay with us for a few weeks until she finds her own place. Brady didn’t even ask me if I was okay with this, he just told me and I guess I have to deal with it. As much as I like Lindsey, I don’t really like the idea of having another person here. But maybe she will force us to get along (can’t fight in front of others, obv). I kind of want to find other living arrangements, but if we can’t even stand to live with each other, how are we ever going to have an actual future?

One of Brady’s friends was in Chicago for the weekend because she was interviewing for a job. When he told me this I was nervous and decided that I didn’t want to meet her. Do we all remember what happened the last time I met one of Brady’s girl friends? I didn’t need a repeat of that. But Brady assured me that she (Lindsey) was cool and was excited to meet me. So I said I would.

On Friday evening, I met her briefly before I left to have dinner with Kendra. Lindsey is about 5’8 and with long blonde hair and a really athletic body. She’s one of those girls who doesn’t wear makeup and honestly doesn’t need to (I wouldn’t either if I had her skin). She’s super down to earth. She was already at Brady’s when I got home and greeted me with a hug.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you!” she said. “I’ve heard so much about you.”

I must have looked freaked out because she added, “Only good things of course!”

“Nice to meet you too,” I said.

We all small talked for a little bit before Lindsey said, “Well, I know you have plans with your friend. I won’t keep you any longer!”

So I left to get ready. When I got out of the shower Brady was sitting on the bed with something in his hand. He looked up at me and said, “I got you something.”

“You diiiiid? What is it?” I replied.

Brady held out the box to me, almost hesitantly. I saw that it was a David Yurman box so I quickly took it from him.

“What’s this for?” I asked before opening it.

He shrugged. “I just thought you would like it.”

Do boyfriends just randomly get girlfriends jewelry? Brady never has and my first thought was that he must have done something wrong and this was his guilt gift. I eyed him before opening the box.

Brady got me a bracelet, but not the normal cable cuff bracelet that everyone has. It has a bar of tiny little diamonds, a clasp and is a dark gunmetal color. It’s so dainty and cute.

“It’s so pretty. What’s the occasion?” I asked.

“There’s no occasion. I just want you to have it.”

It was weird, but I loved it so I wasn’t going to complain. Brady helped me put it on then I changed my whole ensemble to complement my new bracelet.

I met Kendra downtown. She had been pestering me all week about going to dinner with her on Friday and it was beginning to weird me out. We hadn’t seen much of each other because of her wedding planning and stuff, but she was adamant that we meet Friday evening for dinner.

At first she just wanted to talk about what she still needed to do and who was traveling to the city for the ceremony. Then she said, “I have something to ask you.”

Aha. I knew she was up to something.

“K, ask me,” I said.

“I was wondering if you would be the godmother of my first born child,” Kendra said.

“Kendra, are you pregnant?!” I exclaimed.

“Oh my God, no!” she exclaimed back.

I stared at her with wide eyes.

“I’m not pregnant…yet. But I want to be prepared when it does happen. You’re my closest friend who’s not related to me.”

“That’s actually really sweet.”

“I know.”

“I’ll do it. Let’s think of names!”

“I already have names picked out, Reese.”

“You’re naming it after me, right? It only makes sense.”

Kendra didn’t respond so I guess that means no? Whatever.

After dinner, I went back to Kendra’s to help her with some last minute wedding decorations. She’s DIYing a lot of it which is cute. I got frustrated after about fifteen minutes which was weird because I thought I was a pretty crafty person.

Saturday afternoon was Kendra’s bridal luncheon. Brady woke me up in the morning to go for a run with Lindsey. She had run all the way to Brady’s from her hotel just to run with us. I need that kind of dedication. We ended up running four miles. Four fucking miles. And Brady and Lindsey laughed and talked the entire time. I was basically dying, but after we finished I felt really proud of myself.

When we got back home, I started noticing Lindsey was calling Brady “ARB.” At first I didn’t know what she was saying then I realized it was letters. So I asked her what they stand for.

She laughed and said, “Brady, care to explain?”

“It’s really lame. You wouldn’t understand,” he told me, which was rude.

“How do you know if you don’t explain it?” I shot back. Brady ignored me and started talking to Lindsey about someone they know from back home.

I stormed off to get ready. A.R.B. Any ideas about what it could mean? I bet its something super inappropriate.

Kendra was getting some of her bridesmaids and friends together for a catered lunch and bridal shower. It was honestly really boring, but it was what Kendra wanted so I decided not to try to spice things up.

Earlier in the week, Brady suggested we get shitfaced on Saturday night. I can’t remember his exact words, but he mentioned that Lindsey would be in town and we needed to show her a good time. That wouldn’t be a problem. We invited some people over (mostly Brady’s friends, but also Preston, Kendra and John).

After several glasses of wine, I ended up next to Lindsey, sitting in the chairs on the patio. It was chilly out so we were wrapped in a blanket, wearing Brady’s hoodies.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, but it’s so weird to see Brady in such a serious relationship,” Lindsey said.

“Really? Why?” I wanted to know.

“Because… I’ve known Brady forever and he’s always been all about school and work. It’s nice. He deserves a distraction, you know?”

I don’t necessarily appreciate being called a distraction. Our relationship is much more than that. But I just said, “Hasn’t he had some girlfriend before though?” I scrunched up my nose so she would know that I wasn’t impressed.

“Anna? Yeah. She’s one of my really good friends too.”

“Oh.”

Lindsey didn’t look offended that I was obviously about to start talking shit about her friend. She’s continued talking.

“On paper, it made sense for them to be together, but it just didn’t translate in real life. They’re both way too invested in their work, you know?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. I thought of a few things: 1. Who says I’m not invested in my work? I don’t think Lindsey was trying to diss me or anything, but it kind of felt like a diss. 2. I remember when I asked Brady to describe his parents to me he said that they are both very invested in their work. So I bet he and Anna’s relationship was a lot like his parents’. Ew. He’s pretty damn lucky that I came along. “What’s Anna like? Brady won’t tell me anything.”

Lindsey looked surprised that I wanted to know about Anna. But she still said, “Anna is cool. Her parents are missionaries-”

“Really?” I cut in, surprised.

“Yeah, but she’s not religious at all.”

“Oh.”

“She does medical research in New York. She’s a genius.” Lindsey laughed. “Anna and Brady are both ridiculously intelligent. That’s probably why they didn’t work out. They were way too smart for each other.”

I laughed, only because Lindsey was. Brady and I will obviously never have that problem.

“Brady has told me nothing but great things about you though,” she went on.

Now I was interested. “Like what?”

“He thinks you’re hilarious. He even went as far as to say you’re one of the funniest people he knows,” Lindsey said.

“Me?”

“Yeah! And I said, ‘I must meet her then!'”

I beamed. Obviously I think I’m hilarious, but I didn’t think anyone agreed. Plus when Brady tells me I’m funny, I feel like he’s being sarcastic.

Lindsey told me other things he’s said like that I’m beautiful and that I’m fun and that I make his life fun. Isn’t that cute? She didn’t tell me anything too deep though which makes me believe that Brady only tells her pretty superficial stuff. Maybe because she’s friends with his ex too and she will probably tell Anna everything.

After everyone left I dragged my genius boyfriend into bed and we did kinky shit all night. I wonder if Anna was boring or super freaky in bed. I should have asked Lauren.

On Sunday (yesterday), I was forced to go to the Cubs game with Brady, Lindsey and a few of their friends. I hate sporting events, but I don’t mind the pregame. The game started around 1 PM so we woke up and got breakfast then hit up some bars in Wrigleyville. I fucking hate Wrigleyville. Way too many drunk idiots. So I just drank until I forgot where I was. I can’t remember much of the game, but I remember complaining a lot because I was bored and couldn’t even really use my phone. I even laid my head on Brady’s lap for a while and napped. He wasn’t thrilled about that. But at least I won’t get forced to go to a baseball game again.

I was reminiscing and found my blog post from the night when I first met Brady. Does anyone remember that? I was literally in love with him from the moment I saw him (and then proceeded to get drunk and humiliate myself). It’s so funny how life works and that Brady even gave me a chance after I gave him a lap dance in the bar the first night I met him. Someone on Twitter asked if I ever asked Brady why he didn’t get my number that night and I realized I hadn’t. I’ve asked him what he thought of me when he first met me and if he was always interested in me and stuff like that, but I hadn’t asked why he didn’t get my number (although I can probably guess). So last week, I asked.

“Do you remember the first night we met?” I asked him. We were sitting on the couch on Thursday night and Brady was massaging my legs.

“Yeah, I do,” he replied.

“I was a shitshow, wasn’t I?”

“You weren’t too bad. You were fun.”

“Like I literally gave you a lap dance in the middle of a bar.”

Brady laughed. “Yeah. You did.”

“Is that why you didn’t get my number?” I wanted to know.

“Hmm?”

“Why didn’t you ask me for my number?”

“After you gave me a lap dance?”

“Yeah!”

“Uh, because…” Brady looked around like he was trying to think of an answer.

“Did I scare you away?” I asked.

“No, I just assumed that’s what you did with guys and I wasn’t anyone special.”

My mouth dropped open. “Excuse me? You thought I was some slut?”

“No! Kinda. I don’t know. I thought you were a tease or something.”

I wanted to smack him across his face. That’s so fucking rude. He must have seen the rage in my face because he added, “And then I realized you weren’t and that you were cool. I was really intimidated by you at first.”

I crossed my arms and turned my head away from him, pouting. I know I can’t even be mad that he thought that about me because I’m the one who put myself out there like that. But still.

Brady grabbed my face and turned it toward him. “I never would have thought we would be here after that. I’m glad you decided to give me a lap dance.”

I smiled and hugged him. I guess I’m glad I decided to give him (and not Chris, the horror!) a lap dance too!

My Friday therapy session went a million times better than the previous one. I went in with a more open mind and tried not to be so defensive. And I think Laura eased up a lot too which helped. We mostly talked about me and my family though. She wanted to know everything and I opened up a lot to her. I told her things that even Brady doesn’t know.

Brady left to visit his brother on Friday night after work. I was super sad and felt left out, but pretended to be really excited about his trip. He didn’t even want me to take him to the airport, he insisted on driving himself straight from work.

So I went to dinner with Luke and Luke’s friend, Callie. She was sweet, but wouldn’t stop dropping the fact that she’s a full time model into conversation. Like, “I can’t have any carbs, I have a huge shoot next week,” and “I’m lucky that I model because I work for two days then I can work out the rest of the week.” It was annoying.

She did win points with me though when she told me that I look like the girl from the Wolf of Wall Street aka Margot Robbie. I’ve only gotten that one other time before and I was super flattered. Margot is so hot. So I was besties with Callie after that.

On Saturday morning I called Brady as soon as I woke up. I missed him so much. He didn’t pick up so I sent him a picture of me in bed. I got up and cleaned a little, made tea and toast, then sat at the dining room table alone. I was like so bored. I can’t remember the last time I was that bored. What did I do before I met Brady? It’s so weird/scary. Not that I think we will break up, but I don’t want my entire life to revolve around him. I should be able to have fun with my friends or alone, right?

Brady eventually called back and I told him to send me a picture of him with the baby. And then he did and I swear my ovaries exploded. So fucking cute! He was even holding it correctly (I don’t think I actually know how to hold a newborn) and it looked so natural. I replied, “Oh my God, I want one.”

And Brady said, “Don’t get any ideas.”

Rude.

On Saturday night, I went out with Preston, his gay friend, Eli, Nicole and Lexi. I mostly hung out with Lexi because Preston and Eli were being super slutty and flirting with straight guys and Nicole had hit it off with some guy who owns a convenience store (i.e. rich) so she was no where to be found.

So Lexi and I did the only thing there was to do at a bar: drink lots and lots of tequila. We literally just sat at the bar drinking sangria margarita swirls and taking the occasional shot. Lexi told me a ton of stories about crazy shit she’s done and was so nonchalant about it. I think that’s why I like her. She’s so chill.

I didn’t realize it, but I hadn’t eaten much on Saturday (just the toast and some fruit) so I got really, really drunk. One of the last things I remember is getting sent a shot of Fireball from a guy at the other end of the bar. Then I blacked out.

I woke up in a bed with dark linens. Brady has the whitest bed I’ve ever seen so I had no idea where I was. I sat up and looked around, noting the brown wingtip dress shoes on the floor near the closet. It took me a full minute to realize that I was in Carly’s brother, Kyle’s bed. He wasn’t in the bed with me (thank GOD), but Lexi was.

“Dude! Lex!” I said loudly.

She rolled over and sat up with a start.

“Yeah?”

I lowered my voice as I asked, “What the hell are we doing here?”

She looked around and shrugged. “At least he let us have the bed.”

Lexi and I were both still wearing our going out clothes which was a great sign because I literally could not remember anything.

“What happened?” I asked.

“Reese, you fucking psycho. You don’t remember?”

“Uh, no. I don’t remember anything. Tell me!”

“Well, you tried to hook me and this guy, Kyle, up, but then told me you’ve already hooked up with him.” She shot me a side eye.

“Oh gosh…”

“But I mean, it’s fine. We made out and stuff, but I insisted you come home with us. I didn’t want him to try anything else.”

“Lexi, Brady is going to kill me,” I said as calmly as I could.

“Why? Nothing even happened,” she said, looking confused.

“Because I have no business being here!” I got up and started looking around for my shoes and bag.

“How’s he going to find out?”

I didn’t have time to explain to Lexi that Brady and I have an honest relationship with a lot of trust so I couldn’t keep this from him.

“I’m leaving. Are you coming?” I asked.

Lexi looked at me then looked around like she was contemplating her options.

“I’m going to lay here for a little while longer,” she finally said.

“Okay. See you later,” I said and opened the door to leave.

I was surprised when I ran right into Kyle in the living room. I gasped. I don’t know why, but I expected to sneak out of there without seeing him.

“Well, well, look who it is,” he greeted me, smiling.

“Hey Kyle. I’m leaving,” I said.

“Already? I was going to order breakfast.”

I couldn’t tell if he was actually serious, but I didn’t care. “Lexi is still here.”

Kyle looked past me at his bedroom door then said, “All right. It was good seeing you.” He pulled me into a hug then I went home. Seriously, I can’t believe I thought that was a good idea, even with how drunk I was.

Brady got back to Chicago that afternoon and I’d cleaned the house from top to bottom and made lasagna for his arrival.

When I heard him unlocking the door I ran to the door so I could greet him.

“Hiiiiiiii bae,” I squealed when I saw him.

“Hey,” he replied and I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him.

He laughed and asked, “Did you miss me?”

“A ton,” I said, pouting. “How was your trip?”

“It was good. I wish you would have come.”

My jaw dropped. “Well, I wasn’t invited.”

Brady didn’t say anything and took his suitcase and bag to the bedroom. I followed him.

“How was your weekend?” he asked.

I’d decided that I was going to come clean about what happened and not drag it out and make it a big deal.

“Oh my gosh,” I began. “Last night I tried to hook Lexi and Kyle up and we all went back to Kyle’s and Lexi and I slept in his bed.”

Brady stopped what he was doing and turned to look at me. “What?”

“I know! It was so weird. Nothing happened obviously.”

“Carly’s brother, Kyle?”

I nodded. “He and Lexi are a thing now.”

Lexi had texted me after she finally left Kyle’s and told me that they made out and fooled around and she was excited to see him again. And did I mind?

Brady just looked at me.

“So yeah. I came home as soon as I woke up.”

“Why did you even go over there?” Brady wanted to know.

“Lexi didn’t want to go alone because she didn’t want him to try anything,” I explained.

“You should have told her no.”

“I know, but I was really drunk…”

“When are you going to stop getting so drunk that you can’t even function? I mean, this is getting ridiculous. You’re not in college anymore, Reese. If you can’t go out and not drink until the point of oblivion then you don’t need to go out and more importantly, you should seek help.”

I was taken aback by this. Whoa. Seek help? The shade.

“No, you don’t understand. I hadn’t eaten. I didn’t drink a lot, but it still hit me pretty hard,” I explained.

Brady shook his head. “I’m sick of this.”

“Sick of what?” I exclaimed.

He didn’t answer and went in the bathroom. I heard the shower turn on and I started crying. I went into a crying coma and didn’t wake up until I heard the bathroom door open. I sat back up. Brady walked out of the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist.

“Brady, I’m sorry,” I blurted out. “I was irresponsible. I love you and never want to hurt you.”

I could tell he was surprised by this confession, but tried to keep a straight face. “Okay.”

“Are you mad?”

“I’m disappointed.” Brady walked into his closet to get dressed and I waited on the bed for him to come out.

“What can I do to make it up to you?” I asked.

“Nothing. I would ask that you not do it again, but apparently you don’t know what that means,” Brady said. He walked out of the room and I followed him to the kitchen.

“I made lasagna,” I told him.

“Great, thanks.”

I made our plates then we sat at the dining table eating. Brady showed me more pictures of the baby (so effing cute) and seemed to be over the situation. But one of the takeaways I took from my Friday session with Laura was to address a problem as soon as I felt it eating at me and eliminate it. And the Kyle situation was eating at me. Specifically Brady’s reaction.

“When you said you were sick of this, what did you mean?” I asked.

Brady looked at me blankly for a moment like he didn’t know what I was talking about. Then he realized and said, “Nothing. It’s fine.”

“It isn’t fine! We are never going to stop fighting if we don’t talk about our issues and eliminate them!” I exclaimed.

He looked down. “You get yourself into really stupid situations. I wish you would think more before you do things instead of having to do damage control afterward.”

“I know. I’m really sorry. I was literally blacked out,” I said.

“I’m sick of you using being drunk as an excuse.”

I blinked. Brady was still looking down, avoiding eye contact. I felt like I was going to cry so I quickly got up and went to our room. I knew crying was dramatic and I had no right to cry so I didn’t want Brady to see me. But obviously he followed me.

“Reese,” he sighed, sounding exasperated.

“I’m fine,” I said. I wiped my tears away and turned around to look at him.

“Why are you crying?” Brady wanted to know.

“I know you’re telling the truth and the truth hurts. I just need to cry for a few minutes if you don’t mind.”

“I don’t want you to cry.”

“I want to.”

Brady laughed and hugged me. Then I cried like a baby.

I told him I am never drinking again.

He said, “You should just learn moderation.”

“What’s that?” I asked. Moderation isn’t a word in my vocabulary as you probably imagine.

But I think I will try it. Maybe limit myself to two drinks and have the people I’m out with hold me to it. The problem is I can’t stop drinking once I start. That’s probably the sign of a serious problem, right? I’ll ask Laura.

Living with Brady full time has been so different. I usually stayed over three to five times a week, but still. It’s going to take some getting used to. I went grocery shopping for us on Wednesday after work because there was literally no food in the house. I decided to go ahead and get the stuff we would need for the Labor Day party since I was already at the store and ended up spending almost $600. It was sickening! That’s two pairs of shoes!

And the other night he asked me to clean something. I don’t know why, but I was so offended. Why was he bossing me around? I was just sitting there working on my laptop with my feet up on the coffee table and Brady came home from work. He went to put his things down and stuff then came back in the living room and said, “Would you mind cleaning up all the stuff off the counters?”

I just stared at him.

Then he said, “I just don’t want it to be a mess when our guests get here.”

Our guests were Carly and Chris and they flew in that night. Brady went to get them from the airport while I made dinner/cleaned. When I heard the door open, I rushed to the door to see my girl.

“Carrrrlllllyyyy!” I squealed when I saw her walk in behind Chris.

“REEEESIIIEEEE!” she screamed back. She dropped her things and we hugged and cried. It was very dramatic.

“I’m so sorry I missed your birthday. Look what I got you!” Carly reached into her purse and pulled out a little bag. I immediately opened it and it was pretty bracelet set from Anthro. She’s so sweet.

After they put all their stuff down, we sat around the dining room eating and catching up. Carly and Chris say they love Philly. Carly is hoping to find a new job soon (she’s like a secretary now and doesn’t feel like she is making a difference in the world).

After we ate we went downstairs. They all wanted to smoke (just like old times!) and I decided to join. We smoked for literally two hours straight. Afterwards, Brady and I made huge bowls of ice cream and sat on the counter eating them.

“This is amazing,” I moaned.

“Not as amazing as you,” Brady said and I beamed.

On Saturday morning I rolled over and checked my phone, only to realize that it was 7:40 and our appointment with the therapist was at 8:00. I screamed.

Brady rolled over and I jumped over him to begin getting ready.

“What are you doing, Reese?” Brady mumbled.

“We have to be there in twenty minutes!” I exclaimed.

He got up and we got ready. We strolled in at 8:25 and I immediately started apologizing to our new therapist. She didn’t look how I was expecting. She was about 5’0 with wide hips and big boobs and huge blue eyes. She couldn’t have been over thirty five or forty and wouldn’t stop smiling.

“Don’t worry about it, Reese,” she said after I apologized for the fifth time. “Let’s get to it, shall we?”

She had me fill out some forms and surveys then we followed her into her office. Brady and I sat on the gray love seat while our therapist (Laura) sat in an oversized armchair adjacent to us.

The first question Laura asked was, “Brady, why are you here?”

I smiled at her. Yes, grill him Laura!

“I’m not really sure… Uh, Reese suggested we come here,” Brady answered.

I turned and stared at him, wide eyed. Seriously?

“We have been fighting a lot more lately so I thought coming here might help us communicate better,” I said.

Laura smiled and nodded. “That doesn’t answer my question though. Brady, why are you here?”

“Oh. Because Reese asked me to come,” he answered.

“You don’t think your relationship needs any improvement?” Laura continued.

“Not really, no.”

I turned and looked at him again. I wanted to strangle him. “Brady.”

“What?” he said, looking back at me defensively.

I was really embarrassed about arguing in front of Laura so I said, “Brady has issues opening up which is a big part of the problem,”

“Brady, if you could change one thing about your relationship with Reese, what would it be?”

“The way she throws a fit whenever she doesn’t get her way about anything,” Brady said.

“So that’s what you would change about Reese. What would you change about your relationship?” Laura smiled.

“Oh. Nothing.”

I wanted to turn and glare at him but decided that I couldn’t get mad because at least he was opening up.

“Reese, what would you change?”

“I wish we had more conversations about our future and more serious stuff in general,” I said.

“Does Brady know that?”

Laura and I both looked at him and he shrugged.

“We do have conversations about our future and stuff but only after we’ve been…partying. I wish he would initiate it under normal circumstances,” I continued.

“Brady, what do you think about that?” Laura asked him.

After a little pause, Brady said, “Honestly, I think it’s really ridiculous that we’re here. It’s completely unnecessary.”

I literally gasped.

“How about this – Brady, let’s chat alone. Reese, will you wait in the reception area? We’ve already spoken briefly, but now I would like to hear from Brady,” Laura said.

I stood up and glanced at Brady and I swear he shot daggers at me. The nerve! I went out into the waiting room fuming. Brady and the therapist talked alone for a whole hour. I sat in one of the chairs watching the door the entire time, waiting for them to come out. I was dying to know what they were talking about.

Finally, the door opened and Brady emerged first. Laura followed him and she was smiling like he had just proposed.

“Hi,” I said.

Laura whispered something to Brady then motioned for me to follow her into her office. So Brady and I basically switched spots. He smiled at me as we walked past each other and I rolled my eyes at him.

“What did you guys talk about?” I asked Laura as soon as we sat down next to each other on the love seat.

She laughed. “I can’t tell you that. It’s confidential.”

Rude. I thought she was supposed to be on my side.

“Reese, I have a question for you,” the shady therapist said.

“K.”

“Do you love Brady?”

This caught me off guard. I almost didn’t even know what to say.

“Of course I do. I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

Laura continued smiling like the psychopath that she is.

“Why do you love him?”

“I don’t know. Because he’s my boyfriend.”

She grabbed my forearm and leaned down close to me, looking concerned. “Seriously. Tell me why.”

I was honestly stumped. Like, I don’t know. I love him because I love him. But I tried to put into words exactly why. I was even curious myself.

“He’s my favorite person to be around. I can be myself and he still accepts me. We can talk all day and night and still have things to talk about. I’ve never met someone I can do that with. I’m not tired of him either and I think that says a lot. I have ADD,” I said.

Laura smiled and leaned down close to me. “I asked Brady the same question about you. What do you think he said?”

“I have no clue!” I blurted out.

She leaned back, looking surprised. “You don’t know why Brady loves you? Do you think he loves you?”

For some reason, I felt myself starting to tear up. I feel like you kind of have to cry in a therapist’s office or your session was useless, but I definitely didn’t plan on it.

“I mean, I hope so.”

“Do you believe he does?”

“Yes…”

“Why?”

“He probably said no. I don’t know. I’m a terrible girlfriend,” I said. I started crying. Laura handed me a few tissues like she had been waiting for the dam to break the whole time. I think it’s what she wanted.

“Guilt,” she said.

“No I’m fine,” I said.

“No, you’re obviously very guilty about not being a good partner. I’m glad you recognize it. And I hope we can come up with some solutions today,” Laura said.

“So it’s all my fault.”

“Do you think it’s your fault?”

“I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore.”

“Reese.” At this point Laura was way too close to my face and I could smell the coffee on her breath. “I’m not here to place blame on anyone. I’m here to help you.”

I eyed her.

“So you don’t think Brady loves you. Let’s talk about that,” Laura continued.

“I didn’t even say that. Chill,” I said. Do you see why I was hesitant to see a therapist?

“Let’s do an exercise,” Laura suggested.

And since she kind of pissed me off, I refused. I was being really short and standoffish with her so I decided to just end the session since it was basically ruined.

Brady and I made it almost all the way before even discussing what happened.

“So, how was that?” he asked me.

“Ugh,” I said. I was driving and made an overly wide right turn. Brady had to hold on to the door handle. “Stupid. I’m not going back.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I didn’t find it helpful,” I explained.

“Oh. I thought she kind of was,” Brady said.

“Probably because she put all the relationship problems on me,” I mumbled.

“What?”

“Nothing. It was dumb. I’m not going back.”

But maybe it was kind of helpful because Brady and I were super sweet to each other all day. We even made blackberry cheesecake bites together.

On Saturday night, we went to a bar with Carly and Chris, but came home fairly early. On Sunday we had people over for Labor Day (a day early because Chris were flying out early in the morning). Brady manned the grill and I made salsa, guacamole and margaritas. Carly made pot brownies. I was drunk before the first guest even arrived, per usual.

I told Kendra and Carly the therapist story and Kendra said, “Reese, I think you were way too defensive.”

I’m like, “Are you kidding? She tried to call me out!”

“She did not.”

“Carly!” I exclaimed. “Can you imagine if you were in my situation?”

She shook her head with wide eyes like she didn’t want to get involved.

“I wonder what Brady told her,” Kendra said. “He probably made you sound like such a heartless bitch.”

I gasped. “Do you think so?”

Kendra shrugged.

“No, I bet he didn’t,” Carly said.

“I just feel like the therapist was being so unfair,” I sniffled.

“We don’t even know what she talked to Brady about,” Carly said.

“What about me?” Brady asked, walking over.

We all stared at each other and didn’t answer. Conversation over.

Oh my gosh, get this. Later on, I was sitting with Brady, Chris, Carly and one of their friends and someone mentioned threesomes. Like in a joking way. Brady said something like, “Not since 2010.”

I was like, “Wait, what?”

And Brady laughed and put his arm around me playfully.

“Wait, you’ve had a threesome?” I whisper-yelled.

He looked at me like I was being ridiculous and said, “Reese.”

Chris said something and Brady started laughing and talking to him, but I grabbed his arm.

“With two girls or two guys?” I asked.

He gave me that look like I was being a Nagging Nancy, but I didn’t even care. I needed answers!

“What do you think?” he asked.

I glared at him. “You’re gross.”

He laughed and went back to talking to his friends. I was shocked and appalled. I feel like I don’t even know him at all. Obviously he’s changed a lot since college.

Guess who texted me on Monday. Andrew! He said his friend has a boat and he was inviting me out on it. I have no idea why he invited me, but I considered it for about five minutes before deciding it wasn’t a good idea.

Plus, one of Brady’s friends was having people over and I needed to escort him there. It was one of those situations where everyone was super intelligent and had sophisticated sounding jobs (a chief dental resident, a financial auditor, an industrial engineer). Like “Hi, I help design pillows, nice to meet you.” I was definitely feeling mediocre/stupid. I even asked one of the girls if her top was J. Crew and she looked at me like I was an idiot and said she had no idea. So I stopped trying to make conversation with them after that.

How was everyone else’s Labor Day? This week is going to be hectic because one of my team members is still on vacation. You never realize how important someone is until they are gone. Speaking of, I need to plan a vacation for next month. Possibly around Halloween. Possibly without my slutty boyfriend (I haven’t had sex with him since finding out about his threesome and I won’t until I get more answers).
Update: I guess I should add this – I know I said I won’t go back to laura, but I’m going to see her alone on Friday morning. I paid for four sessions already so I may as well use them. Hopefully it’s better.