can my boyfriend come?

The first person I saw when I walked into the office on Monday morning was a tall, big shouldered guy with the kind of cheekbones I try to contour into my face with makeup and eyebrows I would kill for. He broke into a sexy smile when he saw me.

“Are you Reese? I’m Luke. We’re going to be working really closely together,” he said. He had a deeper voice than I was expecting. He had longish highlighted hair that was perfectly falling in his face. He was very masculine, but something about how well put together he was made me question his sexuality.

Diana didn’t make any mention of anyone I was working with so I was confused. “Okay. What’s your position?”

My look and tone must have been bitchy because Luke kind of winced then threw his shoulders back defensively. “Creative director.”

Diana definitely didn’t tell me there was going to be a new person with a director level position. I know I’m a brat, but I wanted to be in charge. So I just said, “K. We’ll talk later,” and went to find Diana in her office.

“Hi! I just met Luke,” I said, sitting down.

“He’s going to be great! I think you guys will get along wonderfully!” Diana enthused.

“What’s he going to be doing?”

“He’s going to be in charge of the creative side. So while you’re making sure everything is being put into action, he’s going to be designing it. So you’ll be the main one coming up with concepts, he will make them come to life. He’s going to be your little assistant,” Diana said.

“So he’s not the ‘creative director’?” I clarified.

“‘Creative team lead,'” she said.

Ha! So he wasn’t a director. I couldn’t wait to confront him about it later. Which was later that morning after the staff meeting. There’s a new “product development suite” with my new office, a design room (that is honestly jankity), an open space of cubicles, and a conference room for design meetings with the team. My first order of business is turning that design room into a more inspiring space.

I was walking through taking before pictures when Luke walked in. He walked past me and started flipping through a notebook and I guess he was still mad about our first encounter that morning.

“So when did you start?” I asked, trying to start over.

“Last week,” Luke replied, not looking up at me.

“Where did you come from?” I pried.

“Milwaukee.”

Okay, cool. Great talk. I continued taking pictures and talking to Luke and he finally kind of started to open up. I was still thinking about what happened with Matt so I blabbed all of this to Luke. Then I asked if he was seeing anyone.

“Well, I’m gay,” he said back and I realized that he probably thought I was making a pass at him. I was mortified. But at least I know for sure he’s gay now. I think Preston will love him. He’s way more manly than the guys Preston usually goes for.

I didn’t hear from Matt until Tuesday morning. I was feeling guilty about the whole thing though so I came clean to Brady about it. I told him about meeting Matt on the plane, exchanging numbers, the pub crawl and Matt squeezing my ass and giving me $200.

“Why did you even go if you knew he was interested in you?” Brady asked, looking confused, but not mad.

“Well, that’s the thing. I didn’t know he was interested in me in that way,” I said.

“Reese, you’re not an idiot. You knew what his intentions were,” Brady said and looked back down at his laptop basically dismissing me.

“Uh, no I didn’t. He didn’t act interested in me until Friday night. Am I supposed to just assume every guy wants to fuck me?”

“Stop acting like a dumbass.” He gave me a mean look and my mouth dropped open because that was rude. I slid off the table I was sitting on and stomped to Brady’s room.

I got in bed and waited for an hour for him to join me. When Brady walked in, I glared at him and didn’t say anything. He got undressed and got in bed.

“What are you doing?” he asked, snuggling next to me.

“Acting like a dumbass,” I said.

It’s like Brady was waiting for me to say something like that because he started yelling.

“You allowed a man to grab your ass and kiss all over you! Why else would he ask for your number, Reese? Do you think he really wanted to talk stocks with you? You don’t know anything about that stuff! Why are we even having this conversation? You should know better.” He turned away from me.

I felt bad. Brady hardly ever yells at me. And he was right. I hate being yelled at and usually get really defensive, but I knew this was on me.

I leaned over him and kissed him and he kissed me back. I said, “Sorry. Are you mad?”

“No. Just don’t do it again,” he said.

I promised I wouldn’t and I know that I can’t do that to Brady again. So when Matt texted me, “Miami next weekend?” on Tuesday, I texted back, “Can my boyfriend come?”

Matt didn’t text me back, but called me around lunchtime. I didn’t answer. That afternoon he texted asking for my birthday. Meaning he was probably trying to buy a plane ticket for me. So I didn’t respond.

My dad was in Chicago for work on Wednesday. We made plans to get lunch like we always do when he comes to town and I invited Brady even though I knew he would be busy with work. To my surprise though, Brady asked where we were going and what time and then said he could probably make it. Yay!

We went to this Mediterranean restaurant that my dad loves and ordered crostinis, scallops, and tartare. My dad asked me about my new job and Brady about his. Then he said, “Your mother has been staying with your grandma for the past month.”

“Huh?” I said back, confused.

“She can stay there until she gets her act together. You know, she charged $18,000 for-”

“Daddy, you can tell me about it later,” I said quickly. I didn’t need Brady knowing about our ridiculous family issues.

“I’m not going to put up with this any longer, Reese. Make sure she knows that.”

I feel like if Brady and I get married it’ll be like my parents’ relationship. I’m going to shop and spend money and Brady is going to passive aggressively send messages through our kids. I can already see it happening.

Not even an hour after I got back to the office, my mom called me.

“Hi Mom,” I answered.

“So Brady can find time to have lunch with your dad, but not me?” she greeted me.

“Mooooom,” I groaned.

“I don’t appreciate you two ganging up on me,” she sniffled.

“We aren’t ganging up on you.”

My mom is so dramatic.

“Then why did you take Brady to lunch?”

“We were fighting when you were here, Mom!” I practically screamed.

She didn’t say anything.

“Dad’s pissed at you,” I said.

“And I’m pissed at him. Don’t take his side Reese, you don’t know what happened.”

My parents are so childish. And I think it’s incredibly inconsiderate of them to try to involve me in their fights and make me pick sides. So I told my mom I had a meeting to go to and hung up.

She called back later on in the afternoon to apologize and to ask what my dad told me. I was like, “I’m not getting involved. Call him and ask him.”

I went to Brady’s that night after happy hour with Kendra and John. He was working and I let him for a little while before I started being annoying.

“How do you know you’re not gay?” I asked.

“What?” he said back, barely looking up at me.

“How do you know you’re not gay?” I repeated.

“Because I’m not…”

“But how do you knowwwww?”

“Reese.”

“What? How can you be sure?”

“Because I’m not attracted to men.”

“How do you know? Have you thought about it?” I leaned in close. This was getting interesting.

“No!” Brady exclaimed. “Why are you asking me this?”

“Has anyone thought you were gay? Has a man ever hit on you?”

“No.”

“Could you imagine yourself sucking a dick?”

“Are you just trying to piss me off? No!”

I could tell Brady was getting irritated with me, but I couldn’t stop.

“No, I’m just wondering. How can you know if you don’t like something if you haven’t tried it?”

“I’m not talking about this anymore. You’re being ridiculous,” he said.

I left him alone until later on when he came in his room to get ready for bed.

“Are you moving away?” I asked.

“What? No,” Brady replied.

“You said your mom had a job opening for you. Are you going for it?” I elaborated.

“Oh. No.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m okay here. My job is fine and I don’t want to sell my place. I need to be far away from my parents too.”

“Why?” I agree with him on the parents thing because mine are obviously insane, but I wanted him to say it in his own words.

“I don’t like being around them. Reese, you know this,” Brady sighed.

“But when I first met you, you said you were considering moving back home,” I pointed out.

“I was considering moving to the east coast, not back home to be near my parents,” he explained.

“Oh east coast… Like New York City? Where your ex lives?” My face lit up with excitement.

“What? No!” Brady was sounding frustrated again. “Why are you interrogating me?”

“Whattttt? You’re never open with me,” I pouted.

We were both quiet as Brady walked to the edge of the bed. “Okay, what else do you want to know?”

“I feel like your relationship with your parents has gotten a lot worse the past couple of months. Did something happen?” I asked.

“No,” Brady said automatically.

Then I had a realization. “Is it because of me?” It would make sense. I’d overheard Brady’s mom saying she didn’t like someone (probably me) in November and she said I was controlling because Brady was spending Christmas with me. Since then he hasn’t had anything nice to say about them (his conversation with Brittany, him telling me he would be okay with never speaking to them again, etc) and he hasn’t gone to visit them.

“Of course not.”

“Are you sure?” I didn’t believe him.

“I’m sure. It has nothing to do with you. We’ve never had a good relationship,” Brady said. I’m not sure why, but my chest started to feel heavy.

“I know you don’t like talking about them, but can you tell me about it one day?” I asked.

Brady finally got in bed next to me. “Mmhm.”

And then he kissed me and we hooked up so we didn’t have to talk about his parents anymore. So 1. He’s obviously not gay. And 2. I really wish I could get him to open up to me about his parents. Because right now, I feel like he’s being irrational. Yeah his parents are super republican and stuff, but it’s like, they’re still his parents. What if something happens to them? Won’t he feel guilty for hating them? I just want to shake some sense into him.

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i’m a horrible person.

Brady and I went to dinner on Monday night. We don’t hang out every single day like we used to and it’s okay because when I do see him I get so excited.

After we ate, Brady suggested we go to this chocolate shop a couple of doors down. I was pretty full from dinner, but I’ll never say no to chocolate. I ended up getting chocolate covered strawberries, marshmallows dipped in chocolate and pretty much the whole top row of the display case. All together we spent almost $50. No regrets though.

On Tuesday Andrew started being a dick to me just like Brady predicted. I woke up early to start working because I didn’t want to leave with a ton of stuff to be done. I started answering emails from my home office at like 6:30 AM and didn’t stop for breakfast until like 11 AM. I was proud of myself.

I was sitting at my little dining table eating a waffle and scrolling through Instagram when Andrew texted me.

“Can you send me your completed operations report right away?” he asked.

Shit. Out of everything I had worked on, that was the one thing I hadn’t gotten to. I just needed to plug in some numbers though so I replied, “Sure. Just give me a few minutes.”

I abandoned my waffle and OJ and grabbed my laptop to bring to the kitchen with me. Andrew had sent me three messages basically lecturing me. He said, “Just because it’s your last week doesn’t mean you can slack off. We’re still paying you so you still need to do work.”

Whoa. What the fuck? Obviously he had no idea that I actually was still doing work and more work than I did usually. Whatever. I didn’t even reply.

Later on, we had a conference call with other sales directors and Andrew’s immediate boss. I was listening and taking notes, but kind of daydreaming too. Andrew put me on the spot and asked me a question, but luckily the answer was right on the page of my packet that I was looking at.

“Wow. Everyone, let’s clap for Reese. She finally knows how to read,” Andrew said sarcastically. And then he actually paused so people could clap.

I was so fucking pissed off that I almost hung up and texted Andrew to tell him I was done. But I took a deep breath and finished the call and didn’t talk to Andrew for the rest of the day.

I went to Brady’s after he left work. After Andrew ruined my day, I needed bae to make me feel better. We took wine to the living room and Brady did work while I told him what happened.

“I was afraid that would happen,” Brady said. “I don’t think you should do anything crazy though. Just try to stick it out until Friday.”

“He’s such an ass! I’m going to report him to HR before I leave. I hope they fire him,” I grumbled. I almost wanted to tell Brady what happened that one night in Tennessee, but luckily I caught myself before I blurted it out.

“You should file some sort of formal complaint. Maybe they won’t fire him, but it’ll be good to at least let them know what’s going on. And in the meantime, just be thankful that you only have to deal with him for a few more days,” Brady said.

I instantly felt better. “How are you always so positive? Does anything ever upset you? Don’t you ever just want to kill someone?” I asked.

Brady shrugged. “Of course things upset me, but never enough to ruin my day. I have so much more to be grateful for. I won’t let a stupid coworker put me in a bad mood.”

“Yeah,” I said, nodding.

“You have way too much going for you to let that guy make you feel worthless.”

Aw. I really, really need to be more like Brady. Maybe I need to go to a third world country and witness some real life problems for myself.

I was in a much better mood on Wednesday and managed to avoid Andrew the entire day. Brady texted me around five saying that he was off and wanted to see me so I invited him over. I can’t lie, I was a little bit nervous because I feel like every time Brady gets off early and wants to see me, I’m in trouble. I sat there racking my brain trying to think of what I could have done wrong. Nothing was jumping out at me except exchanging numbers with Matt, but even then, Brady couldn’t possibly be pissed at me for that.

Oh well. I showered and put on a hoodie and little knit shorts, threw my hair into a bun and waited. I buzzed him up and paced, nervous that he was going to yell at me. I think I was a little bit scarred from the time he screamed at me for messaging Jessica. When I heard Brady’s light knock on the door I practically ran to answer it.

I was surprised to find Brady standing there with a bag from a bakery near his work and a couple of white roses. Awwwwwwwwww.

“Hiiiiii,” I said happily, but cautiously.

“Hey. I brought you something,” Brady said walking in. He sat the bag down and motioned for me to look in. Cheesecake.

“Oh my gosh. Are you trying to make me get fat so no one else wants me?” I was mostly kidding.

Brady laughed. “Exactly.”

He dropped to his knees and just as I started to ask what he was doing, he started kissing my thighs. Oh. Ohhh. Neither of us said a word as Brady painstakingly slowly pulled my shorts off. He looked up at me, almost for approval, before pulling my underwear down and helping me step out of them. So I was standing in front of a kneeling Brady with just a hoodie on.

He started kissing my thighs again and then put one of my legs over his shoulder. And then Brady began eating me out. Yesssssssss.

“Shit,” I mumbled. I almost couldn’t handle it. I had to lean over and put my hands on Brady’s head because my leg was about to give out. Have I mentioned how good Brady is at cunnilingus? I’ll keep him around for that, if nothing else. Also, have you ever had someone eat you out so well that it almost hurt? Like it was unbearable. I was conflicted between telling him to stop because I couldn’t handle it and pushing myself further onto him. And then I came.

Brady stood up and wiped his chin and I had to lean against the counter to steady myself.

“Do you want to eat cheesecake now?” I asked.

Brady laughed and stepped forward to pick me up. “No.”

He carried me to my room and we finally consummated our relationship. And I didn’t even have to seduce him. I think he was probably just as horny as I was.

Afterwards, I was half asleep, but we laid in bed talking.

“Why did it take you so long to have sex with me? Were you trying to torture me?” I asked.

“What are you talking about? No,” Brady replied.

“Because you haven’t tried anything in like two weeks. It was deliberate right?”

“Yes it was deliberate!” Brady exclaimed. “Last time I tried something you practically tied my hands to your bed. I didn’t want you to do that again.”

I couldn’t even pretend that wasn’t hilarious. I threw my arms around him and kissed his cheek. “You’re so presh.”

“No, you’re presh.”

On Thursday I got a really interesting text message. Remember BJ the intern (insert eye rolling emoji here)? I literally haven’t talked to him since last summer. He texted me saying, “Hey boss lady. I’m interviewing for a job in Atlanta and was wondering if you could write me a letter of recommendation? I’ll owe you big time. :-)”

Ew. That kid has some fucking nerve texting me asking for a favor. I was half tempted to tell him that I would do it then sending a scathing letter letting his future employer know what an asshat he is. But I’ve matured. So I didn’t text back.

Friday was my last day of work and lucky for me, Andrew was in Chicago. He ignored me the entire morning then invited me to lunch – a totally work free lunch. I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out of it fast enough.

At first Andrew just asked me questions like what I would miss most about the company (traveling) and if I thought I was ready to take on new challenges (obviously). Then he started giving me like an impromptu performance review and told me what he thinks I need to work on. I didn’t ask for that. I feel like Andrew is that boyfriend who would tell you he doesn’t like your outfit for date night and you should change.

At the end of lunch, Andrew said, “Well I hope you keep in touch, Reese. I don’t want you to feel like you can’t reach out to me for any reason.”

Gross. But of course, I nodded and said okay. Then he proceeded to give me his personal cell phone number since until then all I’ve had was his work number. Joy. Doubt I’ll ever need to use it.

Brady was running in some sort of race on Saturday so he wasn’t interested in doing anything that night. So I decided to meet Matt at the pub crawl. I invited Preston and his new best friend, Nicole. I filled Preston in on Matt on our way to the bar.

“So you don’t think he’s into you?” Preston asked, looking skeptical.

“I don’t know. I think he’s just friendly,” I replied. Honestly, Matt had been kind of flirty – telling me to come over after work for a glass of wine, asking what he needed to do to see me – but I’d been completely unresponsive to his advances.

“Mmkay, girl. You just let me know if we need an escape,” Preston said. I hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

When we got to the bar, Matt was standing outside waiting for us.

“Hey you,” Matt said smiling. The last time I’d seen him was when we were getting off the plane and he looked a little different without his hat and travel attire. Plus he was clean shaven when I met him, but he had some stubble on Friday night. He’s on the taller side with an athletic build and nice, brown hair.

Matt pulled me into a hug and kissed my cheek and I knew Preston was standing behind me judging so I pulled away quickly. I introduced him to Preston and Nicole and Nicole shook his hand and asked how we knew each other. I turned around and rolled my eyes at her. I explained the whole story to them on the way to the bar. Nicole is just so annoying. I don’t think she has a filter so she just says whatever pops into her little brain. It doesn’t help that she has a thigh gap the size of the Grand Canyon so I can’t stand to even look at her.

“I met this little beauty in first class on the way back to Chicago from Dallas.”

“Ohhhh,” Nicole looked from him to me and back. “So what’s this pub crawl for?”

Matt explained his job to her – how he runs this company and has hundreds of people under him and likes to show them his appreciation sometimes hence the pub crawl. We got inside, Matt introduced us to a few of his employees then ordered a round of beer for all of us.

“You must be a busy girl,” Matt said.

It took me a second to realize that he said that because I never got back to him about hanging out. Oops.

“Yeah. Switching jobs has been hectic,” I said which was kind of a lie.

We chatted for a while, just mindless small talk about work. He said he only works Monday through Thursday and likes to get away on the weekends. He has condos in San Diego and Miami and when I told him that I want to go back to Miami because I haven’t been in a couple years, he told me that he would love to take me. I didn’t say anything back.

I met some more of Matt’s employees who wanted to do shots with us. They had obviously been out for a while because they were all completely drunk. They were actually really fun. He works with this big guy with a crazy mustache who seemed to be the life of the party. They called him “Big Ben.” Big Ben kept saying to Matt, “She’s cute, man. Watch yourself.”

Since I was a little tipsy I started asking questions. I found out that Matt is 33 and grew up in New York City, but he’s been in Chicago for almost ten years.

“So you’re 33 and you aren’t married?” I asked.

Matt took a drink from his beer before saying, “Nope.”

“And you haven’t been?”

“Nope.”

I think I made a face because Matt said, “What? A guy in his early thirties should be married?”

“I mean… Kinda. I just feel like if you aren’t married by now, is there something wrong with you?”

He laughed. “That’s such a naïve thing to say. How old are you again, Reese?”

“Twenty five,” I said.

“Ah. And you’re not married?”

I didn’t say anything.

“I’ve been waiting for a girl just like you, Reese. That’s why I’m not.”

I rolled my eyes. I knew it was the perfect time to mention Brady. But I didn’t. I should have, but I just didn’t.

A few minutes later I told Matt that I would be right back and went to find Preston and Nicole. I hadn’t seen them since we first arrived.

“Hey chick,” Preston said when I reached them in a corner of the bar. “We’re gonna go.”

“What? Already?” I exclaimed.

“We’re getting bored and I have to work in the morning,” Preston explained.

“Okay, well I’m leaving too. Let me just say goodbye to Matt.”

“Noo, no, no. You stay and have fun. Don’t let us ruin your night, doll.”

“Okay. Well, you suck for leaving,” I said. I can’t lie, I was a little bit nervous about Preston leaving me alone with Matt.

After Preston and Nicole left we all headed to the next bar. I only had one more drink before I got tired and started yawning.

“Am I boring you that much?” Matt leaned down and whispered in my ear.

“No, sorry! I’m just getting sleepy. I had a long day,” I said. “Thanks for inviting me though. I had fun.”

“Do you want me to call you a car?” he asked.

“No. I’m calling an Uber.”

Matt nodded and walked me outside to wait.

“Make some time for me next week,” he said and it sounded almost like an order.

“I’ll try. I’ll probably be super, super busy with my new job.”

“Too busy for a quick dinner with me?” Matt looked boyishly smug when he said this and put his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“Unfortunately yes. I’ll let you know though, k?” My phone buzzed to let me know that my Uber was arriving. I was almost relieved when the Toyota Camry stopped at the curb.

“Oh, this is me!” I squealed.

Matt grabbed my arm and pulled me into a hug. “Get yourself something good to eat then.” His hands slid down my back and grabbed a good handful of my ass cheek.

“Whoa!” I said, pushing him away. Flirting was one thing, but I never gave him permission to touch me like that.

He laughed and kissed my cheek quickly. “Goodnight, Reese.”

I said, “Bye!” hastily before jumping in the car.

Later on when I was at home getting undressed, I saw what looked like a dollar hanging out of my jeans pocket. I never carry cash so I was confused and picked up my jeans to investigate. I found two hundred dollar bills in the back pocket of my jeans and I realized that Matt must have stuck them in my pocket when he was squeezing my ass. That’s why he was touching me like that. And that explained the, “Get yourself something good to eat,” comment too.

Ew. How tacky. He thinks he can buy me with $200? Maybe $2,000 – just kidding. I felt guilty and terrible and decided I was going to tell him immediately that I’m happily taken and I can’t accept his money.

I texted him, “Matt, what’s this money for?”

“Since you aren’t going to make time for me to take you to dinner, take it and go somewhere nice.”

Ugh. I said, “I can buy my own dinner, thanks.”

“Just take it and quit being difficult. Goodnight, Reese.”

I felt like he was dismissing me which pissed me off. I started typing about seven different messages bragging about having my own money and a boyfriend, but then I decided not to respond at all.

I went to brunch with Kendra on Saturday. She says she and John finally have a date picked out: September 26th which is not that far away at all. She started telling me all the details I needed to know about getting fitted for a bridesmaid dress and stuff.

“Wait. You haven’t even asked me to be a bridesmaid,” I said.

“Well, obviously. As if I have a choice,” Kendra rolled her eyes.

I was already smiling and clapping. So excited! I love being in weddings.

That afternoon I made Brady go shopping with me. We spent an hour in the handbag department trying to find the perfect small, but not too small crossbody bag. It’s a lot harder than you may think. I narrowed it down to my four favorites and ran to every mirror to try them on and see them from different angles. And then I made Brady take pictures of me wearing the bags so I could see how they photograph. I finally decided on this one and this one. And a pair of Converse (who the fuck am I?) and a floral printed a-line dress to wear for my first day of work. Brady picked it out so I just had to get it.

We grabbed dinner after a long day of shopping. Brady asked what I did the night before and I immediately felt my face getting red hot with guilt. If I was feeling guilty then obviously I was doing something wrong, right?

“Um, I went with Preston to a pub crawl. This guy’s company covered the bill so…yeah.” I said.

“What guy?” Brady asked, looking confused.

“Just this guy. I met him a couple of weeks ago. He invited me and told me to bring whoever. You were being lame last night.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Yeah so. I got home pretty early. I was tired.”

“Did you have fun though?”

“Noooo because you weren’t there,” I said, kissing him.

I really felt like shit later that night when I  got on Instagram and saw that 

Brady uploaded a picture of us from a night out around the holidays. I’m completely drunk in the picture, but we both still looked cute. Someone commented, “She’s beautiful.” And Brady replied, “I know. I’m lucky right?”

Don’t bother telling me because I already know: I’m a horrible person. I don’t know what to do. Matt hasn’t talked to me since Friday which is fine, but now I feel like I owe him something because he gave me this money. I don’t even understand why he gave it to me.

Anyway, I actually probably will be busy this week, but hopefully I can get another post up. Be sure to follow me on Twitter for any updates! Bye!

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stories i’m not proud of – part three.

I went through kind of a skanky phase in high school. I blame alcohol. You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now, but alas. I’m still a drunk mess 88% of the time. The first time I got really, really drunk was the fall of my sophomore year of high school. My parents let me have sips of wine and beer previously but I hadn’t had any hard liquor. I didn’t really hang out with the upperclassmen (who drank) freshman year, but I started dating a guy a year older over the summer. Coincidentally his name was Matt (meeting Matt the businessman reminded me of him). Matt was your typical Texas high school jock. He was popular, played football and his dad worked for my dad. Plus he was really hot. So I definitely hit the jackpot with him.

Anyway, one time one of Matt’s friends had a shindig in his basement. Not a rager or anything, but just a few people over for drinks and inappropriate conversations. Someone suggested shots. The friend poured us shots of Smirnoff then filled the handle back up with water because it was his parents’. We were so slick back then.

I’d never taken a shot before. I didn’t realize that you were supposed to take it quickly and I ended up spitting half of it out on the carpet. It tasted like rubbing alcohol. But that half a shot was all my little ass needed to start feeling tipsy. Plus I’m already a little bit crazy anyway so I basically turned into the life of the party. This is probably really bad and a sign of a problem, but I loved the feeling.

Someone made me a Jack and Coke (my first cocktail!) while I flirted with all the guys there. Matt didn’t seem to care. I’m not sure why, but suddenly all the guys were all over me. They were shoving drinks at me and asking me stuff like, “What’s your favorite position?” and “What size bra do you wear?”

My head was literally spinning from people saying my name and asking me stuff. I felt like a celebrity at a press conference. But y’all know me – I was eating all this attention up while rubbing Matt’s crotch who was standing behind me.

One of the guys asked to see my boobs and then none of them would let it go. They were like, “Oh, come on. You have such a nice rack, just let us see.”

Clearly I was waaaasted because finally I was like, “Fine, fine, fine. Just real quick though.” And then I lifted my Abercrombie and Fitch tank top up and flashed all my admiring fans.

That’s when I found out that I have at least above average tits. The crowd went wild. And I literally couldn’t fight them off. They were following me around the basement like they were puppies and I had treats. Later on in the night, I remember one of them licking whipped cream off my thigh during a game of truth or dare.

Matt broke up with me at school on Monday. Couldn’t be with the girl who flashed the entire football team, obviously. But with my new found fame, I didn’t really care. I could find a new guy in no time.

A couple of months later when the new semester began, I had a class with one of Matt’s friends from the football team, Austin. We sat right next to each other and usually talked throughout the whole class period. We exchanged numbers and somehow – I honestly don’t know how – but we just started hooking up. Well, fooling around. We never had sex. I didn’t have sex until senior year.

Usually Austin would pick me up from my house around midnight and he would drive us to the parking lot of a nearby elementary school and I would go down on him or he would finger me or we would just make out and dry hump until like four in the morning. Then I would sneak back in and sleep for two hours until I had to get up and get ready for school.

Austin was obsessed with me. He would text me randomly throughout the day asking why I was talking to certain guys and begging me to ditch class with him. He was super emotional and clingy. He thought I was using him which was a little ridiculous and I could say the same thing about him. Both of us were getting the same thing out of our arrangement.

Eventually, Matt found out about us. Apparently Austin was telling everyone that we were “talking” during their football spring training and Matt confronted me about it. Naturally, I denied everything and claimed Austin was fabricating the whole thing which technically was true. Matt wanted to know why we even exchanged numbers in the first place and I was like, “We have a class together so we were study buddies. Duh!”

I stopped talking to Austin after that because obviously he just wanted drama. Matt and I started talking (“talking?”) again. He would tease me and say things like, “Did your boyfriend, Austin, do this?” when he bought me vanilla bean frappuccinos. Matt didn’t hold a grudge about it though.

The summer after my sophomore year, I started talking to another one of their friends. In all honesty, I really didn’t know they were all friends because this guy (Trevor) went to the rival high school and was on the baseball team. Trevor is the guy I saw in Houston last September – the one with the girlfriend. I met Trevor at one of Brittany’s pool parties. Brittany had a ton of those frozen daquari pouches she’d stolen from her mom so I was a wee bit tipsy when I ran over to Trevor to introduce myself.

An hour later I was straddling him on Brittany’s toilet in just our bathing suits. I was grinding on him, liking the feeling of his boner between my legs. Needless to say, we hit it off. We were inseparable for like a month straight. One time his dad walked in on me giving him head. The dad flipped shit because Trevor was 18 at the time and apparently I looked young. I was a 16/17 year old responsible adult though.

We continued to see each other throughout the summer and went to a house party together after school had started. Imagine my surprise when Trevor walked right over to where Matt, Austin and their friends were standing to give them bro handshakes and say hello. Have you ever stood in a group with three guys who have all had their dicks between your boobs? It isn’t fun. Like, I know I was a little bit slutty, but this was absurd.

I think after this incident, I realized how out of control I’d gotten. I needed to calm down. Why didn’t any of my friends stop me? Brittany, if anything, encouraged it. I think she just wanted someone to out-skank her. Happy to help, Britt!

Out of all of them though, I probably should have just stuck with Matt. He was a good guy and I actually really liked him. Plus our parents were pretty friendly. If only they knew what their teenage children were getting in to. Austin and Trevor were fun while they lasted, but I just shouldn’t have went there.

Matt and Austin are both married now. They have lots of pictures up on Facebook of their lovely $50,000+ weddings and gorgeous teacher wives. Matt might even have a baby on the way. So obviously they win.

Standard

is that awful?

Usually when I travel for work I fly coach, but I got a free upgrade to first class on my flight back from Dallas on Wednesday. I love when that happens. I ended up getting a window seat next to this guy in a baseball cap and fleece zip up who was messing around on his phone as we were waiting for takeoff. I guess it was some sort of app to help manage his stocks because at the bottom it said he has a balance of like $10,000 and he was picking different companies (I saw Apple and Netflix) to put money into.

I sat there watching him because I was nosy intrigued and then he looked at me. Nothing like being caught looking at someone’s phone. I quickly pretended to be texting. The pilot turned on the seatbelt light indicating that we were about to take off so my neighbor turned his phone off and I did the same.

“Are you from Dallas or Chicago?” he asked me casually.

“Chicago,” I answered. “What about you?”

He nodded. “Chicago. Business or pleasure?”

I laughed and it was kind of an awkward laugh. Ew. “Business.”

“What kind of business are you in?” he asked.

So then we talked the entire two hour flight home. I gave a brief description about my job and I must have made it sound really terrible because he asked if I planned on doing that forever. So I told him about my new position and definitely hyped it up to sound super, duper important. Which it is I guess.

The guy told me about how he runs a really well known company in Chicago (I won’t say which one!) and I pretended I wasn’t totally impressed. He asked if I know stocks or if I’m into them at all and I admitted that I’m not so he explained it to me. I must have been too busy thinking about how rich he must be because I still don’t know anything about stocks.

Toward the end of our journey my new friend introduced himself as Matt. He was probably in his early thirties because he looked young, but he had a hat on so I could really look for any grays. He definitely has a sexy DILF kinda look. Matt gave me his business card then when we landed suggested we exchange numbers. I said okay and didn’t think anything of it. Never know when you may need stock advice!

Brady was busy with work and I didn’t get to see him until Thursday night after I had dinner with my friends Taylor and Elyse. Taylor and Elyse are like the knockoff version of me and Preston. I know them from college and they were visiting Chicago for Taylor’s birthday. I took them out for traditional Chicago deep dish pizza and pretty much spent the entire dinner telling them about my life. I didn’t even eat because I was too busy talking. In my defense though, I haven’t gotten a chance to really talk to them in like a year.

Brady texted me while I was in the middle of dinner and invited me over so I went over afterwards. It was our first time hanging out since Sunday and I really missed him. He opened the door and pulled me into a big hug and picked me up off the ground. Then we went to his room and I made him tell me everything he did over the week. He mentioned that he talked to his mother and she said there was an opening at the hospital she works at so he should apply. Like in Massachusetts. I always forget that Brady’s mom wants him to move back home (even though she doesn’t even act like she likes him) and sometimes he entertains the idea.

“Did you tell your mom we broke up?” I asked suddenly.

“Uh, yeah-” Brady said.

“What? You did?!” I was kind of offended. Like yeah we broke up, but did he not think we’d get back together? Why would he tell his mom unless he thought it was permanent?

“I kind of had to. She wanted us to go to Florida with her and my dad for Easter.” Brady was looking everywhere except at me, awkwardly.

“What did she say? Was she happy?” I asked.

“No. She just wanted to know what happened and if I was okay with everything…”

I felt myself wanting to say a lot of really unnecessary shit like, “She’s probably happy and wants you to get back with your doctor ex-girlfriend,” and “I’m sure she wants you to be unhappy because she is.”

But instead I said, “My mom likes you so much that I didn’t have the heart to tell her.”

If Brady and I are going to make this work then I need to be a better girlfriend. This includes getting along with his mom so I guess I need to be nicer.

Kate called me on Friday morning.

“Reese!” she said hysterically in her British accent. It sounded like she was rushing down a busy New York street. “I just spoke with Andrew. Why didn’t you tell me you were leaving?”

“I’m so sorry! I meant to tell you!” Which was true. I wanted to let her know before I even told Andrew since she was nice enough to get me the job, not honestly I just completely forgot.

“What happened? Is there something we could have done differently?” Kate asked and it made me feel really bad. I don’t mind screwing Andrew over, but Kate has been nothing but sweet to me.

“No. It’s nothing you guys did at all. I just really don’t feel like I’m doing very well here. I got a really good offer from the last company I worked for and I loved my old boss,” I said.

“Did you not have a good working relationship with Andrew?”

“No, I did!” Oops. I didn’t mean to throw shade at Andrew in the process. “I just don’t think it’s a good fit.”

Kate said she understood and that she wanted me to know that she isn’t mad, but I definitely feel like an ungrateful bitch for not talking about it with her.

I also heard from Matt on Friday. My old stock market friend! He texted me letting me know that his company is having a pub crawl (on them) at some bars around the city and I was welcome to come with any of my friends. It’s next Friday night and obviously I told him that I would be there.

On Friday night, I went out with Taylor and Elyse. I needed to show them how we party in Chi-Town. We were drunk before we even left their hotel room. So by the time we were ready to call it a night I was trashed and wanted to go see Brady. He didn’t answer any of my texts so I called him after we left the bar. It went straight to voicemail. Being the drunk mess that I was, I started bawling.

“He’s cheating on me!” I cried. “We haven’t even been back together for a week!”

“His phone is probably dead,” Elyse suggested.

“Dead?!” I screamed. “How would his phone be dead if he’s at home?”

Luckily we got back to their hotel room and I passed out on Taylor’s bed on top of all his clothes and shoes. I woke up on Saturday morning because my phone was ringing. It was Brady.

“Oh hiiiiii,” I answered, rolling over and puncturing my hip on a boot.

“Hey. I’m sorry, I was sleeping. Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine. Why?”

“Your text messages were weird last night…”

Oh shit. I had no idea what I texted him so I told him to hold on while I went back and looked. I’d sent Brady about a dozen or so text messages letting him know how disappointed in him I was and how if he wanted this to work he needed to call me at his earliest convenience. There was one that said, “URGENT 911!!!!”

“Oh sorry about that,” I said into the phone. I was actually pretty embarrassed. I’m trying not to be a psycho girlfriend this time around, you know? “How was your night?”

“I was pretty exhausted so I went to sleep early. How was yours?”

“Pretty much the same. I miss youuuuu! Come get me?” That’s when I realized I was still a bit drunk from the night before. #signsofagoodtime

Brady said okay so I jumped up to try to make myself look more presentable and less like last night. I washed all my gross makeup and mascara off and pulled my hair into a chic half up messy bun.

“Heyyyy boo!” I said when I met Brady downstairs. I jumped in the car and kissed him on the cheek. “I’m starving. Can we get food?”

I was hungry, but not presentable enough to actually go somewhere so I had Brady stop at a McDonald’s drive thru. McDonald’s has these new muffins and I definitely recommend them. I got three. And three hashbrowns.

On Saturday night, we hung out with Carly and Chris for a bit. Then I got bored and started yawning really dramatically to get Brady to go to his room with me. We still hadn’t had sex and I was feeling frisky after three glasses of wine.

We got upstairs and I started kissing him. We made out until he flipped me over and pushed my top up. I almost squealed with excitement. He planted kisses down my tummy and hooked his thumbs under the waistband of my undies. Damn, I miss Brady going down on me. But then he stopped at the top of panties then stood up.

“I’m going to shower,” he announced.

Ugh. He must have went in there to jack off because when he came out he just wanted to snuggle. Like, okay. Guess I’ll just be horny.

Brady and I woke up early on Sunday. We laid in bed talking and I convinced him to download Instagram. Then I took his phone and picked a username for him, followed myself and no one else, linked it to his Facebook then uploaded his first picture: one of us looking hot from the wedding.

We got up and went for a run then went to Starbucks (can we be any more white?). Then spent the day sitting next to each other at the dining table with our laptops doing our respective work. Even though I still have another week left of working for Andrew, I just thought up ideas for my new office instead of doing any actual work. Priorities.

I asked Brady if he planned on telling his mom that we are back together.

“Umm, I don’t know. Should I?” Brady said not looking up from his computer.

“Maybe. Just in case she wants to hook you up with someone else.” I laughed loudly, but Brady didn’t say anything.

“Does your mom do that? My mom used to. She gave my number to like all of her friend’s sons. And all of her friend’s friend’s sons. Basically whoring me through the suburb,” I blabbed.

“And none of them were to your liking?” Brady asked, still not looking up.

“Well they’re not you, so no,” I said sweetly.

He finally looked up and smiled at me.

Later that night we were laying in bed and I saw that Brady had some comments on his Instagram picture. People were like, “Who’s the lady?” and stuff like that. I think it’s weird that some of his friends don’t know me. Even my friends back home know who he is and what he looks like and stuff. I’m going to tell him he needs to show me off more even if it’s online.

As we were laying in bed on Sunday night I got a text from Matt. It said, “How was your weekend, gorgeous girl?”

I smiled and said,”It was so much fun!”

He asked what I did and I told him about going out with Taylor and Elyse. He said that I should have told him that I was going out because he would have gotten me and my friends free drinks. Apparently he can just do that? Matt mentioned that he wants to see me this week and I told him that I’m really busy which I am. I probably should tell him that I have a boyfriend? I never know when to include that in conversation. Plus, I don’t want to burn my bridge with him. Is that awful? I just want unlimited free drinks!

Standard

every wedding should have alcohol.

Andrew was in Chicago on Friday and I was so excited/nervous to tell him that I (kind of) accepted another job offer. I hadn’t talked about the details with Diana, but I knew I wanted to go back and the new position sounds really, really awesome.

“Heya, Reese!” Andrew greeted me. He seemed to be in a really good mood which made me more nervous. If he was being an asshole I would have no problem being like, “You know what? I fucking quit!”

I avoided him for the majority of the day and then around three I finally cornered him in the office.

“Hiiiiii. Can we talk?” I asked.

“Of course! What’s going on?” Andrew still seemed to be in a good mood.

I shut the door and stood at the edge of the desk he was sitting at. “So, I know you’re going to hate me, but I’ve been offered a really amazing position with the company I was with previously.”

I paused so Andrew could say something, but he didn’t and just looked at me expectantly.

“So I’m going to take it.”

After a moment, Andrew said, “Wow… Okay. I’m very surprised. I wish you would’ve talked to me about this sooner.”

“It happened pretty fast,” I said. “But I’m willing to stay as long as needed for you guys to find a replacement for me.”

“Who knows how long that’s going to be? Do you know how long I had to do my job and your job before we found you?”

“I’m sorry. I feel really bad about leaving since I just started, but I don’t want to pass this opportunity up.”

“Okay. We’ll talk about this more later. Please don’t tell anyone else right now.”

Uh, okay? I nodded.

Andrew looked back down at his laptop and didn’t say anything else. So I went and did my own work for a few hours until he announced to us that he was heading out.

I left soon after he did and bought a new pair of shoes to cheer myself up and to celebrate my new job. I talked to my mom while I was out. I told her about Diana’s job offer and she seemed excited and wanted to know how much they were offering me. Good question. I probably should’ve figured that out before I quit since I got such a big pay raise when I accepted Andrew’s offer. I’ll have to look into that.

I made sure to let her know about me and Brady’s wedding date so she’ll know/think we are still together.

Brady came over late Friday night after work. I was like disgustingly excited to see him. We didn’t see each other at all on Thursday and I was surprised and pleased to see that he’d gotten his hipster locks chopped off. He looked so freaking cute.

We sat on the couch for an hour telling each other about our days. I made him go first, but he just said his day was fine and long. I told him all about what happened with Andrew and Brady said, “I think he’s going to make your last couple of weeks there awful. You should prepare yourself.”

Ew. I hope Andrew doesn’t, but he does seem like a spiteful prick so Brady is probably right. We got in bed and Brady fell asleep right away, but I stayed up going insane on Sephora.com. To be fair, I needed all of it.

On Saturday morning, we woke up and talked for a little while then got brunch. The menu looked so good that we got three entrées to share between us because we couldn’t choose. After a ton of bacon, waffles, French toast, eggs, fruit, and hash browns we were stuffed.

There was a Forever 21 near the restaurant and they had all these fun festival outfits in the window so I insisted we go in. I guess I was inspired by all the Coachella posts from Instagram. I haven’t been in a Forever 21 in like ten years but I was pleasantly surprised with all the really inexpensive pieces they had so I ended up leaving with three shopping bags full. I know I can only wear everything once, but whatever.

We needed to go get ready for the wedding after that. I decided against the romper since the wedding was at a church and it was a traditional catholic wedding. So I wore a sleeveless hot pink pleated mini dress and my Alice + Olivia heels I haven’t gotten a chance to wear yet. Brady wore a dark blue suit and we honestly looked really hot together. The church was really big and packed. I hope that many people want to see me get married.

Afterwards, we all went to the reception which was down the road a bit at a large reception hall. The lights and decorations and cake and stuff were so amazing that I had to document it all for SnapChat. Totally fangirling over their wedding decorations. The bride and groom made a grand entrance and she had changed into this amazing white strapless ruffly midi dress that I’m pretty sure was Marchesa. At the ceremony she was wearing this lace number with sleeves that I wasn’t a fan of, but her reception dress was bomb. I wanted to take a picture with her and her dress.

We had food then everyone started dancing. Well, we didn’t. Not drunk enough for that and they weren’t even serving alcohol. Which in my opinion is a mistake. Every wedding should have alcohol. There was a photo booth (great idea, stealing) and after Brady and I got our pictures back he said, “I have the best looking date here.”

I made the super big smiling emoji face. “No I do,” I said all affectionately. Maybe all the love from the wedding rubbed off on us, but we kept holding hands and kissing and complimenting each other all night.

Oh and then the bride and groom were making their way around saying hello to everyone and they stopped to talk to us.

Without hesitation, Brady said, “This is my girlfriend, Reese.”

I honestly think it just slipped out out of habit, but I looked at him and smiled before shaking the bride and groom’s hand. The groom was nice, but the bride gave my hand a sideways glance before giving me a really limp handshake. Not sure what I did to her, but I’m glad I didn’t wear the romper – she would really hate me then.

We were so tired after the wedding that we went back to Brady’s and crashed. I missed his huge clean bed. Not that my bed is dirty or anything, but the clean white bedding just does it for me. It’s like he puts a brand new set on each time.

On Sunday morning we laid in bed talking and looking at each other. We decided that we were going to make breakfast and before we got up, Brady leaned over to kiss me. As he pulled away, something caught my eye. A strand of hair on the pillow. A long blonde strand of hair.

“Ew, whose is this?” I asked, picking it up between two fingers.

Brady looked at it all confused for a moment before saying, “It’s yours,” like I was being ridiculous.

So my hair is naturally a light brown caramelly color and sometimes I have sun kissed/golden highlights, but they’ve mostly all grown out or faded now. I guess technically one of my highlighted strands could have fallen out, but this hair looked longer than mine and I think mine is more coarse. Do you who has long blonde hair? Blow Job Queen (I can’t remember which commenter made up that nickname, but I’m keeping it, thanks).

I looked back up at Brady and he said, “I’ll get started on the bacon and eggs and you can do the pancakes,” and then he got up.

I followed him and we didn’t mention the hair again. I know I have no right to be mad if rebounded with someone since I hooked up with Kyle and everything, but he could have at least put new bedding on. I couldn’t help wanting to know what whore he had over though.

Andrew called me on Monday morning wanting to talk about me leaving. He seemed frustrated and wasn’t being very nice about it. Before I even told him when my last day will be he said, “The courteous thing would be to give us a two week notice.”

Like duh. I’ve had jobs before. Plus I told him I’d stay as long as they needed me, but since he was being a dick I let him know that my last day will be April 24th. You’re welcome, Andy.

You know what I think is a bit weird? Brady and I haven’t had sex since the night he came over drunk after the Cubs game. I don’t know if he’s apprehensive because I teased him for six hours the other night, but he hasn’t even tried anything. I haven’t either though, but still. Hope he tries something soon.

Standard

i think we both suck at this.

I hadn’t heard from Brady by the time I left town on Tuesday. I planned on talking to him, but I wanted to do it in person so it would have to wait until Wednesday night when I got back. I actually thought about canceling my trip so I could stay back and talk to him, but I figured that was a bit dramatic.

Tori ended up being at the store I was visiting and she was all like, “So good to see you again, Reese!”

I don’t know why, but I really don’t like Tori and I definitely don’t feel like I can trust her. So I avoided her for most of the day and kept all of our conversations short. She was asking how I like the job and Andrew as a boss and things like that. As if I would tell her the truth.

In the afternoon, I got an email from Diana. It said, “Reese, are you free this week? I would like to talk to you about an upcoming opportunity.”

Yessssss. So there was a chance I could go back! I was in a great mood for the remainder of the day and was even engaging in conversation with Tori. I told Diana I was free on Thursday morning to meet with her.

I got back to Chicago Wednesday afternoon and Brady still had not contacted me at all. I was feeling used and stupid so naturally I wanted to kick his ass. After I got home and showered and got settled in, I finally texted him.

“Seriously? What the fuck, Brady?” I said.

“What?” he replied immediately which only pissed me off more. I could imagine the fake innocent looking face he was making. There’s no way he can be this clueless.

“We need to talk as soon as possible so make yourself available,” I wrote back.

“Okay.”

“And I want pizza so we’re getting pizza.”

“Okay. Just let me know when and where.”

I told him the name of a nice pizza place we’ve gone to before together and to meet me at 7:30. I started getting ready and decided that I was going to show up fifteen minutes late because fuck Brady.

He texted me at 7:20 saying that he had just arrived then told me he was sitting in the back. I finally showed up and told the hostess I was meeting someone and she knew exactly who it was. Maybe we just look like we belong together. Love that.

Brady stood up when I got to the table and I didn’t acknowledge him as I dropped my things and slid into the booth across from him.

“How are you?” he asked, sitting down. He had his stupid little glasses on and I kind of wanted to punch him in the face.

“I’m really fucking pissed off, Brady,” I said.

He looked confused. “Why?”

“Why?! Are you fucking joking?” I didn’t believe it when people commented that Brady is manipulative and only pretends to be oblivious, but at that moment I really believed it was true. “Why did you text me on Sunday? Why did you come over?”

Cue deer in headlights look. Brady looked down and I noticed that his neck was turning red. Usually I feel bad when he looks all sad and helpless like that, but I didn’t feel bad for him at all.

“I don’t understand why you even bothered me. You dumped me, remember?”

“I’m sorry! I don’t know what I’m doing!” he blurted out.

“Would you stop with that helpless bullshit? You’re a grown fucking adult. You know exactly what you’re doing. I’m not falling for that shit anymore.”

Brady blinked.

“You’re manipulative. I didn’t believe anyone when they told me that, but I do now. It’s not like you’ve never been in a relationship before. You can’t dump me without explanation then come over and say all that stuff and try to leave like it was a one night stand in the morning. You fucking bootycalled me! You’re an asshole! I know I said that I don’t hate you, but I take that back. I hate you!”

I started crying. I didn’t want Brady to see me so I buried my face in my arms on the table. Well then. That went south quickly.

He let me cry for a few minutes then I heard our waiter come over and ask if we were ready.

“Please give us a moment,” Brady said.

I cried in silence for a while longer until he finally said, “I’m sorry. I don’t want you to hate me.”

Silence/sniffling.

“I texted you because I wanted to talk. I didn’t intend for any of that to happen. I’m sorry. I wasn’t trying to bootycall you.”

Brady saying “bootycall” is one of the top ten funniest things I’ve ever heard. I didn’t laugh though.

“I screwed everything up. I completely understand your anger and I’m not going to make any excuses for myself.”

“Deep dish,” I said in between my sniffles. “Italian sausage and peppers.”

“Excuse me?”

“That’s what I want!” I exclaimed. “Please let the waiter know.”

“Oh. Um, okay.”

I heard Brady stand up so I quickly pulled myself together while he went to find our waiter. I pulled out my compact and touched up my face so maybe I could pretend that episode never happened. My eyes were red, but whatever.

Brady came back with a plate of garlic bread sticks and suddenly I didn’t hate him as much anymore.

“Do you want a breadstick?” he asked.

Instead of answering, I slid the plate toward me and grabbed one. Brady sure does know the way to my heart. I finished a whole breadstick before he started talking again.

“Are you okay?”

“Why did you break up with me?” I asked as I stuck another breadstick in my mouth. They were really good.

“I freaked out.”

“You freaked out?” I repeated.

“I was selfish. I was dealing with a lot and it just seemed like an added stressor to try to keep you happy.”

We both started talking at the same time, but what I had to say was obviously more important.

“I hope you’re happy with that decision.”

“I’m not.”

I quickly took a bite so I didn’t giggle. Good.

“So if you’re not then why didn’t you ever call me?”

“I didn’t know what to say. I was confused. I didn’t know what I wanted or what you wanted and I didn’t know what to do,” Brady said. “And Carly said you were happy so I thought I’d stay out of your hair.”

Seriously Carly?

“Okay… So you were okay with never speaking to me again then?”

“Of course not.” Brady looked at me like that was utterly ridiculous.

“So you were okay with fucking me one last time then never speaking to me again.”

“Reese, no.”

It was his turn to explain so I poured myself a glass of water from the carafe while I waited.

“I’m not good at this,” he said finally. “All I wanted to do was make you happy, but I feel like I don’t know how. If you’re happy without me then I don’t want to stop you.”

I felt something familiar tugging at my heart. You know what this reminded me of? Do y’all remember that conversation Carly and I had where she said, “If he’s happy without then let him be. Don’t ruin him.”? She must have said the same thing to him about me.

“I’m not happy without you,” I admitted. “I think we both suck at this.”

“No, this is my fault. Let me take the blame.”

“Okay.” I felt a small smile forming.

Brady started to say something, but our waiter came with the pizza. He cut two slices for us and served them on our plates. For some reason I just wanted to be close to Brady so I got up and went to the same side of the booth as him.

“Hi,” he said looking at me like this was completely normal.

I couldn’t handle the eye contact so I started working on my slice of deep dish pizza. Sausage and peppers was the right choice. We both ate in silence for a while.

“So when you came over drunk on Sunday,” I said. “Do you even remember what you said to me?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you mean it?”

“Yes.”

I finished off the crust of my pizza.

“Then why did you try to sneak out the next morning? You weren’t even going to say goodbye!”

“You know I work early. I didn’t want to wake you,” Brady said.

“Were you going to leave a note? ‘Thanks for the pussy! Glad you’re happy without me!'”

“Reese.”

I cut myself another piece of pizza and smiled to myself. I can’t believe I was ever afraid to call him. It’s just Brady.

“What I don’t understand is after you came over and I told you how I felt why you didn’t call or text me,” I said.

“Why didn’t you call me?” he exclaimed.

“It’s your job to call!” I exclaimed back. “Plus I texted you. That’s why we’re here.”

“Fair. I felt pretty stupid about the way I handled it. I thought you were mad.”

“Well, you did a great job of trying to smooth things over.”

We bickered back and forth until we were full then Brady paid the bill. As I slipped my jacket on he asked, “What do you have planned for the rest of the night?”

“Oh I don’t know,” I said breezily then looked at him. “Why? Do you want to come over?”

“I do.” Brady smiled politely.

I rolled my eyes. “I guess you could come over for one glass of wine.”

As I drove to my apartment with Brady trailing me, I felt anticipation building up. I decided that I was not going to have sex with him though. We hadn’t figured anything out. I definitely didn’t want to end up being fuck buddies.

I made Brady wait on the couch while I showered and brushed all the garlic off my teeth. I changed into pajama shorts and a v-neck and met Brady back on the couch.

“Why didn’t you pour us any wine?” I demanded then I went and poured two glasses.

We ended up sitting there catching up for three hours. He said he isn’t working as much and he’s much happier at work. So he isn’t looking to go down a different career path anymore. Hunter and Brady still haven’t spoken, but apparently their mom has heard from him so he’s at least alive. It seems weird that Hunter wouldn’t want to talk to Brady and I made the mistake of asking Brady if he’d done anything to piss him off. He changed the subject, but I could tell it bothered him.

I told Brady about how fed up I am with Andrew and my meeting with Diana. I didn’t go into detail for obvious reasons.

“Wow. What do you think Andrew’s reaction will be if you quit?” Brady asked.

“I don’t fucking care. He doesn’t value me as an employee anyway,” I replied.

Eventually we found our way to my bed and I didn’t even have the energy or desire to kick him out. Brady took off his tie and shirt and started kissing me. I kissed him back briefly then pushed him off.

“No,” I said as sternly as possible.

“Okay.”

We laid there facing each other and I ran a finger along his tattoo and then down his chest to his navel. Brady reached down and tried to grab my pajama bottoms, but I pushed his hand away.

“No,” I said again.

He shifted a bit and I ran my fingers through his hair. When I first met Brady, his hair was really short – like a buzz cut. Now it’s grown out and it’s almost in that hipster haircut where it’s shorter on the sides. I hate it only because I don’t want people to think he’s a hipster.

“Cut your hair,” I instructed.

“Okay.”

I leaned down and started licking and sucking his neck and Brady groaned. He pulled me closer by my waist and tried to push my shirt up, but I pulled away and looked at him in the eye.

“No.”

Brady nodded like he understood. I loved how childlike he looked and decided to keep going – just to torture him.

So that went on for literally six hours. I would kiss his neck and chest, grab his dick and suck it for five seconds then stop, put his hand on my vagina to see how wet I was, but I wouldn’t let him touch me on his own or do anything. It was so much fucking fun. A couple of times he whispered, “Reese, you’re killing me,” and I could tell he was in agony. That only made me want to do it more. This was actually the worst case of blue balls of his life. I mean, if we’re being honest, he deserved it.

We kept falling asleep, but I would randomly wake up then start stroking his penis to get him hard again. Then he would wake up and I would fall back asleep. We probably only got an hour of sleep total.

Right before he needed to leave for work, Brady said, “A guy from work is getting married on Saturday. Do you want to be my date?”

I nodded, smiling. He wants to take me to a wedding? I loved the sound of that.

“What’s it going to take to make you not hate me?” he asked.

I forgot about my outburst at the pizza place where I said I hated him. That was mean. Oopsies. I shrugged.

Brady smiled and got up to start getting ready. “Can we talk about it later?”

I shrugged again. He picked up all of his things and stood next to the bed next to me.

“Okay,” Brady said. “I’m leaving now. Is that okay?”

“I suppose,” I said back.

“I plan to call you later this evening – perhaps around eight. Maybe we can discuss it then. Feel free to contact me before then if you’d like.”

I smirked at him. “Oh fuck off.”

After Brady left I needed to get up to get ready to meet with Diana. I was so fucking tired. I was meeting her at ten thirty at the office so I stopped at Starbs on the way to pick us both up a green tea latte. Had to butter her up if she was going to hire me back. While I waited for our drinks I texted Brady, “I’m so sleepy. :-(”

He replied, “I am too. I would stay up all night with you again though. :-)”

Brady never uses smileys or emojis or anything so I actually laughed out loud. I was so happy and excited, it felt like back when we first got together. I don’t know what we’re doing or where we stand, but I love the shit out of him right now.

When I got to Diana’s office she wanted to talk right away.

“There are some structural changes going on right now. One of the biggest ones is transferring all of our marketing and advertising efforts to a third party agency,” she started.

“Wow!” I said. That’s a huge change.

“We’ll still do small projects in house, but we want get into bigger campaigns and we just don’t have the team and resources to do it. I think it’ll be good.”

“So what about the ad team? Whitney?” I asked.

“We will find places for them if needed. There will still be a marketing role for Whitney if she decides to take it. It’s a lesser role, but maybe something she might be able to handle more,” Diana explained.

“So you are eliminating my old position!” I couldn’t help smirking.

She kind of rolled her eyes, getting what I was referring to. “Essentially. But we are downsizing the marketing department so we can focus more on product development. We want to put more effort in creating unique and worthwhile collections that people actually want. So instead of having all of our stuff manufactured overseas and not having much say in the designs, materials and small details, we want to design everything from start to finish. That’s where we figured you could come in.”

“Okay…” I wasn’t exactly following.

“We want to have a head of product development who would oversee the product development team we have in place. I can already tell what you’re thinking: you don’t know anything about design. That’s okay. You would be in charge of the team, coming up with collections and collaborations and actually being involved with what each piece looks like, approving specs and spec sheets, knowing the trends in the market, keeping in constant communication with our manufacturers…”

“Okay…”

“Do you think you would be interested in something like that? Before I even told Dave you were considering coming back, he mentioned you and asked if I thought we could pluck you from your new job.”

“Really?” I can’t lie, I was excited to hear that at least someone was interested in me. “What if I suck at it?”

Diana gave me a look and said, “What kind of attitude is that to have? You aren’t going to suck. We can’t think of a better person for this position.”

At this point I knew she was just flattering me, but I was still smiling like a crazy person. “Thank you. I’m flattered.”

Diana smiled back. “When can you start?”

Oh shit. What did I agree to?

“I’ll let you know,” I said, not breaking my smile. I needed time to think, but I already felt like an asshole for having to quit.

I called Carly after I left and asked if she wanted to get lunch. Luckily she was in the city and she agreed. The first thing I asked her was where Chris is moving to after he finishes school. We hadn’t really discussed it, but it is a done deal as far as I knew.

“He has some interviews on the east coast,” she answered without missing a beat.

“Really? That’s far,” I said. “What are you going to do? Try long distance?”

“Well actually, I was looking at jobs there too. Like Philadelphia,” Carly said, stirring her ice water.

“What?! Seriously? What will your parents say?”

Carly has lived in the Midwest her entire life and didn’t even go away for college. She’s so close to her family. So this was surprising.

“I haven’t told them. They’ll support me though! It’s time for me to spread my wings!”

“Well, good for you two,” I said and I meant it. I felt a pang of jealously that they were planning their lives together, but I’ll always root for Carly and Chris.

“So what’s new with you?” she asked.

“I talked to Brady last night. Why did you tell him I was happy without him?” Saying this felt like I had released my breath I’d been holding.

Carly’s brow furrowed. “What?”

“He told me you said that,” I told her.

“Well what was I supposed to say? ‘She’s miserable and won’t stop crying. Please call her because she refuses to call you.'”

“Uh yes! He didn’t call me because he thought I was happy without him. And you told me not to call him because he was happy without me. I thought y’all never even talked about me!” I tried to keep my voice even.

“I didn’t want to give him too much information. All I told him was that you’re doing good,” Carly said.

“So you guys did talk about me?” I clarified.

“Just once. You came up in conversation one time. I thought you’d want him to think you were doing well!”

“Do you not want us to be together? Because that’s what it’s feeling like.” I really didn’t want it to turn into an argument, but it seemed to be going in that direction.

“Of course I want you guys to be together! I want both of you to be happy!” Carly said, looking genuine. Scared almost. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to get involved. I didn’t want to talk about him to you or you to him.”

“You’re one of my closest friends. I kind of feel like you should choose me over him, Carly,” I said sarcastically.

“Jeez, sorry for not wanting to get involved in your relationship problems,” she shot back.

We changed the subject and talked about what she wants to do in Philly. She applied for a bunch of non-profit jobs. She works as a nanny now and she says she loves it and the family she works for, but she feels like she should be doing something else, something that will make a greater impact.

After we ate, I still had some time to kill before I needed to get on a conference call with Andrew. I asked Carly if she wanted to go get pedis.

“Hmm, I can’t,” she said, looking at her watch. “I need to get back to the ‘burbs.

“Kay,” I said. I sensed that she was upset about our conversation, but I’m not going to apologize until she does. Maybe she meant well, but whatever plan she had kind of made things worse.

I’m still super tired from being up all night. Brady called a bit ago to tell me he was stay a little later at work. So cute how he made sure to keep his promise of calling me. Anyway, bed time. Bye!

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i hope last night wasn’t a mistake.

Carly’s birthday was on Thursday and Preston’s was Saturday so they had a combined birthday dinner on Friday evening. They rented out a room at a sushi place in Lincoln Park for all of our friends. I don’t know why it didn’t cross my mind that Brady would be there. Maybe I just thought since I’m avoiding him everyone should be.

Preston came to my apartment early to get ready and I wore a chambray shirt dress, fringe booties, and lots of jewelry obviously. Preston and I made plans to come back and change after dinner then go to Boystown.

Carly met us at my apartment so we could Uber to the restaurant. We asked my new doorman to take pictures of us and he seemed kind of annoyed, but he better get used to it. We also took some selfies in the car.

When we were walking into the restaurant, Carly walked up close to me and said, “Brady is going to be here. I forgot to tell you. Are you okay with that?”

I stopped suddenly, but quickly recovered. Seriously? She couldn’t tell me something that important sooner? I wasn’t prepared physically or emotionally to see Brady. I planned on looking blindingly hot the first time I saw Brady since he broke up with me and I was wearing a fucking shirt dress. My hair wasn’t even curled. I hadn’t thought about him in a week (okay, a day)!

“Yeah, it’s fine,” I said breezily before speeding up and practically running to the bar at the front of the restaurant. I needed to drink.

I ordered three raspberry Long Islands for us and immediately started chugging mine. I wanted to get another one to take to the table with me, but I didn’t want to use alcohol as a crutch. I was going to face Brady like a champ, sober.

When we got back to the room they reserved, Kendra and John were already  there along with some of Preston and Carly’s friends so there was a pretty good turn out. I didn’t see Brady right away, but I also didn’t look around for him. I followed Preston to meet his friends (Preston is the kind of person who has a new best friend every week, but I’ve stuck around this long).

After planning our trip to Boystown later, I heard Carly say something like, “Oh, my boo is here,” and someone else say, “Hey Chris!”

I assumed that meant Brady had arrived also so suddenly I was really interested in what Preston’s friend, Julia, had to say. I actually can’t stand Julia. She’s one of those people who tells stories just to get a reaction. Like, “My dad works in the entertainment industry so he brought me home John Mayer’s guitar pick once.”

Cool, Julia. I’m so glad you told me that.

I had to pretend to be interested though and kept nodding and said, “Oh yeah, totes.”

Finally, after what felt like years of trying to avoid looking around the room, I glanced up. Carly and Chris were in a corner with Kendra, John and Brady. His back was to me and suddenly I felt like I was going to cry. Why would Carly invite him without asking me first? My arm pits started to sweat and I considered making a run for it and skipping the dinner all together.

I told Preston I was going to the restroom so I could make sure I looked okay. I sent Kendra a text while I was in there.

“I can’t fucking believe he’s here and Carly didn’t tell me beforehand.”

She didn’t respond as quickly as I wanted so I added, “I’m seriously about to go home.”

Finally she said, “Just say hi and be nice. You’re making it a big deal.”

Rude. I touched up my lipstick and brushed my hair before finally going back out there to avoid Brady for the entire dinner. I found Preston and proceeded to complain to him about Carly. He listened for a moment before glancing over my shoulder and saying, “I’ll be right back, lover.”

I was confused and turned around to find Brady walking toward me. Oh, fuck.

“Hey stranger,” he said, stopping so there was a chair between us.

Hey fucking stranger. That’s all he had to say? I guess I give him credit for even having the balls to come up to me, but he couldn’t think of anything better to say after a month and a half of not talking?

“Oh hey,” I heard myself say.

“How’ve you been?”

I noticed that Brady had a hand gripping the side of the table, almost nervously. He smelled so fucking good and he looked really good too obviously. He looked exactly the same. I feel like I looked a little different – I’m going to the gym regularly now and I think you can see it in my face and I parted my hair differently that night.

“Um, wonderful. No complaints,” I said.

Brady smirked like he thought it was a lie. For some reason it really annoyed me and I suddenly wanted to remind him who he was dealing with.

“What about you? Love the shirt. Is it new? It seems a little daring for you.”

I hoped he caught on to my subtle shade. His shirt was actually typical Brady – short sleeved slim fit button down, but in a light purple, teal and white checked pattern. Probably from J. Crew’s spring collection. He looked really adorable.

Brady looked down at himself and back at me then kind of laughed. “Thank you. I picked it out myself. Glad you like it.”

Wait. Was he flirting with me? In his subtle Brady kind of way? I raised my eyebrows at him and he shrugged sheepishly.

“But yeah, I’m doing well-”

I cut him off. “Working lots as usual?”

He stuck his hands in his pockets and I secretly hoped I was making him regret his entire existence.

“Yep. Working a ton. You as well?”

I nodded. “Mmhm. And I just moved into a new apartment. It’s really nice, I love it so much.”

Brady’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?”

I definitely wanted him to know that I was just fine even though I didn’t move in with him, but I also wanted to invite him over and fuck him in front of my huge windows.

“Yeah. Best decision ever,” I smiled.

Brady smiled back and I almost considered seeing what he was doing after dinner.

“Well, I’m glad you’re doing well,” he said. “We…don’t have to be strangers, you know.”

Excuse me? What was he getting at?

“Uh, okay,” I said.

“It was good seeing you,” Brady said and then he turned to walk away.

That was it. We didn’t talk to each other for the rest of dinner or say goodbye. I wasn’t really in the mood for Boystown after dinner, but Preston wouldn’t let me back out. I only lasted one drink before I started complaining and whining and being really annoying to be around. Preston gave me the go ahead to go home.

On Saturday evening I hung out with Kendra and John at their apartment. I really wanted to talk to Kendra about what happened with Brady so I waited until John went into the kitchen to start talking.

“He said, ‘We don’t have to be strangers,'” I recalled. “Which means he wants to talk? Like as friends?”

“Why don’t you call and ask him?” Kendra replied.

“No! He needs to call me, he’s the one who said it!”

John must have been lurking around a corner because he came back just then and offered his own opinion.

“Why does it matter who calls who? You both want to talk to each other so just fucking do it.”

“Because it’s his fault we are in this situation anyway. He needs to call me,” I pouted.

“With that attitude, no wonder you are where you are,” John said.

I rolled my eyes.

“Has Brady said anything to you about me?” I asked.

John shrugged in the way that I imagine he did when Kendra confronted him about the condom receipt (when he cheated on her).

“He has? What did he say?” I demanded.

“I think Brady just liked to pick John’s brain about sustaining a long term relationship. Not recently,” Kendra explained.

“Reese, you may not know this, but you’re kind of a tough nut to crack,” John said.

“I am not!” I exclaimed.

Kendra and John looked at each other.

I let them know how annoying I think they are then went home soon after to get ready to go out with Preston. We were going back to Boystown and I needed to make up for how lame I was on Friday night.. So I danced for two hours straight. Literally my cardio for the day. If you ever need a fun workout, I recommend going dancing at a gay club. So much fun.

I spent Sunday finishing unpacking and cleaning then got lunch/dinner with one of my former coworkers. I came home and went to the gym in my apartment (haven’t met any hot guys there yet). Then I curled up on my couch with my laptop and a glass of wine to do some work.

I was really, really surprised when I checked my phone later that night and I had a new text from Brady. My heart started racing and I immediately put my phone down so I could mentally prepare myself for what it said. Plus – I don’t have my read receipts on or anything – but I didn’t want to open it right away.

A few minutes later, I picked my phone back up and opened the text message.

“Hey, how’s your day going?” it said.

It took me fifteen minutes to think up a response.

“Great. Yours?”

I didn’t know where the conversation was going, but I desperately wanted it to last all night. Our last text message was exchanged on February 18th and it felt ridiculously nice to be texting him.

“Good. I’m at the Cubs game and it looks like it’s going to be a shutout.”

There were still typing bubbles when I read this one so I waited.

“It was really nice seeing you on Friday. I hope you don’t hate me.”

I stared at my phone for five minutes trying to think of what to say. Finally I decided on, “I don’t hate you.”

“I’m an idiot. I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. Yep, definitely an idiot. Before I could respond, he sent another.

“I know you don’t care, but I really miss you.”

Whoa. That’s when I realized he’d been drinking. Brady wasn’t going to say all this to me sober, even if it was via text message.

“Yes. You are an idiot,” I said. I held my breath as I sent another one. “And I do care that you miss me. I miss you too.”

He didn’t say anything for fifteen minutes and I was standing up pacing around my living room. Shit. He was probably pissed at me for calling him an idiot.

But then Brady said, “The game just ended. Do you think we could meet up and talk?”

“Sure. Do you want to come over and see my new place?”

Brady said yes so I typed in my address then jumped in the shower. I’m not sure what I was expecting, but I definitely wanted to fulfill my dream of looking hot to show him what he’s missing. I put on a tight tank top with no bra and lace trimmed shorts.

Brady texted me after a while saying, “I think I’m outside your building,” so I ran down to get him. Sure enough, I found him standing out front. His hands were shoved in his pockets because it had gotten chilly and he was just wearing a t-shirt and jeans. He looked so, so good and I just wanted to warm his cute ass up.

“Hi,” I said, letting him in.

“Hey,” Brady said, smiling nervously.

We were silent as we waited for the elevator then when we were on our way up to my apartment, I asked, “How was the game?”

“It was okay. It looks like it might be a long season for the Cubs,” he said. I could tell he was trying really hard not to look at my chest so he was staring intently at my face. His eyelids were low and his nose was a little red and it was so adorable.

I looked away. I don’t know what he meant by long season or whatever so I was just like, “Yeah.”

We got up to my apartment and I let us in. It never gets old walking into my gorgeous apartment.

“Do you want a tour?” I asked, bragging.

“Yes.”

I took him around the apartment, showing him the kitchen, my office, bathroom, living room and finally my bedroom. We stared out the huge window for a moment then Brady said, “This is such a great place for you. It fits you perfectly.”

“I know,” I said excitedly. “I’m so happy I moved here.”

Brady sat down on the end of my bed and I followed him. Okay. Time to talk. Does anyone else touch their hair a lot when they get nervous? I do. I was running my hand through my hair and I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was probably pushing my boobs out and looked like I was trying to seduce him. I wasn’t.

Brady said, “So,” and before either of us could start talking he kissed me.

I don’t know if I was expecting it or what, but I kissed him back without hesitation. He groaned into my mouth and I took in his familiar scent and taste. Hastily, he pushed me back on the bed and hiked up my shirt up. I yanked his t-shirt over his head and started sucking his neck. Had to give him a hickey for old times sake, right?

“Oh God, Reese,” he moaned and leaned down so he could suck on my boobs. He made his way down my torso and stopped at the top of my waistband. Then Brady inched my shorts down and pulled them off.

It was all happening really fast, like Brady was afraid I would stop him if I had time to think about it. I would never stop him. It felt too good.

The next thing that happened is one of those moments that is going to replay in my head over and over. Brady stood up in front of me and pulled his pants down so his penis sprung out. His penis is so fucking perfect. He grabbed it with his hand and started, like stroking it before taking a step toward me and pushing it inside me. I don’t know why or if it makes me a pervert, but that turned me on so much.

Brady lightly kissed my neck while thrusting in and out then he started talking to me.

“I miss you so much. I miss this,” he said.

“Mmmhm, me too,” I said back.

“Really? You miss me?”

“Mmmhm.”

“You don’t act like it,” Brady said.

“I do. I miss you,” I breathed.

A couple of minutes later, Brady said, “I love you.”

“I love you,” I said back and he moaned my name as he came.

He climbed off me after he caught his breath and then he pulled me next to him on the bed so we were laying side my side. A few minutes went by then Brady turned to me.

“Do you mean that?” he asked.

“Mean what?” I knew what he meant, but I wanted to make sure.

“You love me? Are you just saying that?” Brady was looking at me closely.

“No, I really do,” I heard myself say. “Seriously.”

“I messed up. I’m sorry. I deserve for you to hate me.”

“I could never hate you,” I said even though I did for like a week. I kissed his cheek then turned so he was spooning me.

We fell asleep almost immediately and I was literally so happy. I didn’t know what any of it meant, but just being with Brady and snuggling with him was exactly what I wanted. It just felt right.

Something woke me up this morning and I opened my eyes to see Brady quietly putting his shoes on at the side of my bed. It was still dark out so it had to have been really early. I watched him for a moment and he must have felt me staring because he turned around and looked at me. He seemed startled.

“Hey,” Brady said quietly, standing up. “I have to get to work.”

I nodded.

He picked up his phone and wallet and paced a bit before saying, “I’ll see you later, Reese.”

“Bye,” I croaked in my sleepy voice. I watched him walk out of my room and listened to him let himself out the front.

I laid there for a couple of hours just recapping what happened and what we said. I’m so fucking confused. Did Brady bootycall me? Or was it my own fault for inviting him over? I haven’t heard from him since he left, but we definitely need to discuss what happened. He can’t just come over and tell me he loves me and stuff without wanting something to come of it. Right? I mean, I don’t know if I even want anything either. Actually that’s a lie. I would probably marry him tomorrow if he asked me. I just hope last night wasn’t a mistake.

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