I went through kind of a skanky phase in high school. I blame alcohol. You’d think I would have learned my lesson by now, but alas. I’m still a drunk mess 88% of the time. The first time I got really, really drunk was the fall of my sophomore year of high school. My parents let me have sips of wine and beer previously but I hadn’t had any hard liquor. I didn’t really hang out with the upperclassmen (who drank) freshman year, but I started dating a guy a year older over the summer. Coincidentally his name was Matt (meeting Matt the businessman reminded me of him). Matt was your typical Texas high school jock. He was popular, played football and his dad worked for my dad. Plus he was really hot. So I definitely hit the jackpot with him.

Anyway, one time one of Matt’s friends had a shindig in his basement. Not a rager or anything, but just a few people over for drinks and inappropriate conversations. Someone suggested shots. The friend poured us shots of Smirnoff then filled the handle back up with water because it was his parents’. We were so slick back then.

I’d never taken a shot before. I didn’t realize that you were supposed to take it quickly and I ended up spitting half of it out on the carpet. It tasted like rubbing alcohol. But that half a shot was all my little ass needed to start feeling tipsy. Plus I’m already a little bit crazy anyway so I basically turned into the life of the party. This is probably really bad and a sign of a problem, but I loved the feeling.

Someone made me a Jack and Coke (my first cocktail!) while I flirted with all the guys there. Matt didn’t seem to care. I’m not sure why, but suddenly all the guys were all over me. They were shoving drinks at me and asking me stuff like, “What’s your favorite position?” and “What size bra do you wear?”

My head was literally spinning from people saying my name and asking me stuff. I felt like a celebrity at a press conference. But y’all know me – I was eating all this attention up while rubbing Matt’s crotch who was standing behind me.

One of the guys asked to see my boobs and then none of them would let it go. They were like, “Oh, come on. You have such a nice rack, just let us see.”

Clearly I was waaaasted because finally I was like, “Fine, fine, fine. Just real quick though.” And then I lifted my Abercrombie and Fitch tank top up and flashed all my admiring fans.

That’s when I found out that I have at least above average tits. The crowd went wild. And I literally couldn’t fight them off. They were following me around the basement like they were puppies and I had treats. Later on in the night, I remember one of them licking whipped cream off my thigh during a game of truth or dare.

Matt broke up with me at school on Monday. Couldn’t be with the girl who flashed the entire football team, obviously. But with my new found fame, I didn’t really care. I could find a new guy in no time.

A couple of months later when the new semester began, I had a class with one of Matt’s friends from the football team, Austin. We sat right next to each other and usually talked throughout the whole class period. We exchanged numbers and somehow – I honestly don’t know how – but we just started hooking up. Well, fooling around. We never had sex. I didn’t have sex until senior year.

Usually Austin would pick me up from my house around midnight and he would drive us to the parking lot of a nearby elementary school and I would go down on him or he would finger me or we would just make out and dry hump until like four in the morning. Then I would sneak back in and sleep for two hours until I had to get up and get ready for school.

Austin was obsessed with me. He would text me randomly throughout the day asking why I was talking to certain guys and begging me to ditch class with him. He was super emotional and clingy. He thought I was using him which was a little ridiculous and I could say the same thing about him. Both of us were getting the same thing out of our arrangement.

Eventually, Matt found out about us. Apparently Austin was telling everyone that we were “talking” during their football spring training and Matt confronted me about it. Naturally, I denied everything and claimed Austin was fabricating the whole thing which technically was true. Matt wanted to know why we even exchanged numbers in the first place and I was like, “We have a class together so we were study buddies. Duh!”

I stopped talking to Austin after that because obviously he just wanted drama. Matt and I started talking (“talking?”) again. He would tease me and say things like, “Did your boyfriend, Austin, do this?” when he bought me vanilla bean frappuccinos. Matt didn’t hold a grudge about it though.

The summer after my sophomore year, I started talking to another one of their friends. In all honesty, I really didn’t know they were all friends because this guy (Trevor) went to the rival high school and was on the baseball team. Trevor is the guy I saw in Houston last September – the one with the girlfriend. I met Trevor at one of Brittany’s pool parties. Brittany had a ton of those frozen daquari pouches she’d stolen from her mom so I was a wee bit tipsy when I ran over to Trevor to introduce myself.

An hour later I was straddling him on Brittany’s toilet in just our bathing suits. I was grinding on him, liking the feeling of his boner between my legs. Needless to say, we hit it off. We were inseparable for like a month straight. One time his dad walked in on me giving him head. The dad flipped shit because Trevor was 18 at the time and apparently I looked young. I was a 16/17 year old responsible adult though.

We continued to see each other throughout the summer and went to a house party together after school had started. Imagine my surprise when Trevor walked right over to where Matt, Austin and their friends were standing to give them bro handshakes and say hello. Have you ever stood in a group with three guys who have all had their dicks between your boobs? It isn’t fun. Like, I know I was a little bit slutty, but this was absurd.

I think after this incident, I realized how out of control I’d gotten. I needed to calm down. Why didn’t any of my friends stop me? Brittany, if anything, encouraged it. I think she just wanted someone to out-skank her. Happy to help, Britt!

Out of all of them though, I probably should have just stuck with Matt. He was a good guy and I actually really liked him. Plus our parents were pretty friendly. If only they knew what their teenage children were getting in to. Austin and Trevor were fun while they lasted, but I just shouldn’t have went there.

Matt and Austin are both married now. They have lots of pictures up on Facebook of their lovely $50,000+ weddings and gorgeous teacher wives. Matt might even have a baby on the way. So obviously they win.