we’re getting married.

On Friday afternoon, Carly texted me asking me what I was doing that evening. When I told her I had no plans she said, “Good because you’re hanging out with me and Chris.”

“No I’m not,” I responded. I didn’t have any plans but I wasn’t going to be bored enough to be someone’s third wheel.

“Yes you are. You’re the one who even got me in this situation. It’s going to be awkward so you have to tag along.”

Ugh. I totally planned going home, taking a four hour bubble bath and watching reruns of Keeping Up With The Kardashians. I agreed, but told her that if I started to feel like the third wheel I was bailing. We were supposed to meet Chris at his Lincoln Park duplex at 8:30ish so Carly came over after work so we could get ready/drink wine.

“We’ve been texting a lot, but this will be our first time hanging out,” Carly explained. “And not only that, but he’s expressed no romantic interest in me.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“All we ever talk about is drinking and work. He’s never called me pretty or asked me out on a date. Even tonight he just said, ‘do you want to come over and drink?’ His roommate might even be there.”

“Carly, you know you’re gorgeous. You don’t need Chris to tell you that. And you can’t be afraid to make the first move. If you want him, show him,” I said.

“That’s so easy for you to say. You’re so good with guys.”

This was actually laughable.

When we arrived at Chris’ I was already buzzed from the wine. Chris let us in to his place and I was really quite impressed with how clean and fresh it was for two straight guys. My first thought was that Chris was actually gay and that explained the chic apartment and lack of romantic interest. And then I thought maybe he was married and he actually shared the duplex with his wife. I couldn’t wait to get Carly alone and discuss my theories.

“I didn’t know you were coming, Reese, but I’m glad to have you,” Chris said as he led us through the living room to the open concept kitchen and dining room.

“Thanks for allowing me to crash your date!” I said, glancing at Carly.

We walked through the kitchen and into the dining area. The most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on was sitting at the large oak table.

“This is my roommate, Brady,” Chris said as we entered the carpeted dining area.

Brady looked up from his laptop at us. He had close cropped hair, blue eyes and the most perfect nose I’ve ever seen on a human. He was a little more clean cut than I usually go for, but he was so incredibly hot. He stood up and Carly stuck her hand in his face – a little too eagerly.

“I’m Carly!”

They shook hands and he turned to me expectantly.

“Reese,” I said, shaking his hand. I suddenly hated myself for only wearing mascara, jeans and an Elsa braid.

“Nice to meet you,” Brady said just to me and not Carly. “What are you guys getting into tonight?”

“I was thinking we would just go downstairs and drink and maybe watch some baseball. Wanna join?” Chris said.

Brady glanced down at his laptop. “I have some work to complete, but maybe later.”

I wondered what his work consisted of. He had on a pastel colored oxford, slacks and argyle socks. He looked deliciously business casual. Maybe he worked in finance or law.

Chris led us down a flight of stairs to the basement and on our way down I texted Carly, “I love him.”

She replied, “Reallyyyyy??? He is really cute!!!”

“We’re getting married,” I said back.

The basement had a full kitchen in the corner – with an impressive fully stocked bar. Chris told us to help ourselves and we each grabbed a bottle of Bud Light out of the refrigerator and then sat on the leather sectional watching the Sox game.

We spent the next hour talking. Chris happens to be a Chicago native so we talked about how our childhoods differed and college. Luckily Chris is just waiting tables on the side and is finishing up his masters. He’s such a good catch for Carly and I’m proud that this was my idea.

Just when I was wondering when my new boyfriend was going to join us, I heard footsteps coming down the stairs.

Brady appeared behind the sofa with a beer in his hand. He had changed into a fitted white t-shirt and what looked like an elaborate bicep tattoo was peeking out of his sleeve. So maybe he wasn’t as clean cut as I thought. “Sox winning?”

“Yeah, I think we’ve got this one,” Chris answered.

Brady took a swig of his beer and glanced down at me. It was then that I realized I was grinning and battling my eyelashes at him. He smiled back.

“Let’s play beer pong!” Carly suddenly exclaimed.

We all looked at her. Really, Carly? Are we back in college?

“Okay. I’m down,” Chris said.

Apparently beer pong was frequently played in this household because Chris immediately pulled a long rectangle table out of a closet and Brady started filling red cups up.

“Should we play guys against girls?” Brady asked after the table was all set up.

“Nooo, that wouldn’t be fair. Me and Chris against you two,” Carly said wagging her fingers at us.

“Fine with me,” Chris said pulling Carly close by her waist.

Brady joined me on the other side of the table and gave my body the once over. “Are you any good?”

I don’t know about you, but I’m really good at beer pong. I think it’s because I lived next to a frat house in college, but people are always surprised at how good I am.

“Of course,” I purred.

Brady and I won the first two games then apparently all the beer gave Carly and Chris a boost because they won the third. Brady and I high-fived and talked about the strategy of the game a lot. I could tell he is really smart because he used words like “saturated” and “inertia.” It was super cute. If he wasn’t sexy, confident and completely perfect, he would be a nerd.

After the third game, we decided that we were going to walk down to the bars. While Brady and Chris cleaned up the table and cups, Carly and I went back to their bar for more drinks. Carly grabbed another beer, but I found a bottle of tequila with my name on it. I began filling a cup up, but Carly grabbed my arm.

“Reese!” she exclaimed, giving me a wide eyed look.

“What?!”

“If you’re actually interested in Brady then you better slow down. Don’t let Drunk Reese out yet.”

She was absolutely right so I only filled the cup a quarter way up and filled the rest with orange juice.

When we got down to the bar, Carly and Chris immediately started dancing leaving Brady and me at the bar. Which was fine with me because I wasn’t drunk enough to start dancing yet.

Brady and I had no choice, but sit at the bar and talk. I learned that he’s a clinical pharmacist at a hospital here and I was instantly impressed. He’s originally from Massachusetts and went to private school K-12 and Yale for undergrad. Apparently his father is a huge and important politician in Massachusetts and his mother is the CEO of a hospital, a job I didn’t even know existed (how does one even qualify for that?). I can’t lie, I was kind of intimidated. His life is so in control. ASU and my measly 3.7 cumulative GPA were dull in comparison.

My dad at least has a cool enough job to talk about. He’s not the next Mitt Romney or anything, but he gets by. I wasn’t about to tell Brady that my mom runs a cupcake shop part time but mostly spends her days shopping, laying out by the pool and rearranging our house despite being a licensed therapist though. He did say that my job sounded “stimulating” and that it must be nice to have a “creative outlet” that was “financially rewarding.”

Before we knew it, we had finished an entire pitcher of beer.

“Shall we order shots?” Almost-Drunk Reese asked.

Brady raised an eyebrow. “Shall we?”

I nodded and flagged down the bartender. I ordered two modest lemon drop shots for us and instantly began bouncing in my barstool after finishing mine. I was totally drunk enough to dance.

I stood up and grabbed Brady’s hand and tried to drag him onto the dance floor, but he wouldn’t budge.

“I don’t dance,” he smiled and pulled me closer to him – so that I was directly in front of him and our legs were touching.

“Not even with me?”

He looked as if he was considering this when that “Fancy” song by Iggy Whoever came on. Sober Reese finds this song obnoxious, but Drunk Reese immediately started dancing – giving Brady some sort of pseudo lapdance/personal rap concert. So fucking embarrassing.

But while I danced in front of him, he kept a super light hold of my hand and watched me closely. For some reason it was really intimate and sexy. When the song was over, I put my hands on his thighs and leaned down close to his face.

“Sure you don’t want to dance with me?”

Brady opened his mouth like he was either going to say something or kiss me and I was desperately hoping for the latter. We stayed like this – breathing into each other’s mouths – for a full minute. I felt his thighs tense up under my hands and without even having to look down, I knew he had a boner. My heart rate quickened as I leaned down even closer so our lips just barely brushed each other. Brady lightly bit my lower lip and my entire body ached because I wanted him so bad.

But suddenly Chris and Carly came bounding back to the bar hand in hand, interrupting our moment. I quickly sat back down in my own barstool.

“Are you guys ready? I have to work early,” Carly yawned.

“Yes, I’m becoming tired as well,” Brady said.

We tabbed out and made the short walk back to their place. Carly had driven us so she and Chris stood in front of her car saying goodbye/making out.

“I’m going to head inside and get some sleep. It was a pleasure talking to you, Reese,” Brady said.

I stood there smiling stupidly. A pleasure talking to me? Wasn’t he going to ask for my number or invite me in so we could have sex? I wasn’t going to, but the invitation would’ve been nice.

“See you later,” I said.

On the ride back to my apartment, I told Carly what happened.

“I’m sure he was just too shy to ask for your number. Chris said he’s not aggressive enough with girls,” Carly said.

I considered this. Brady didn’t seem shy at all, but maybe Chris was right about him not being aggressive. He had plenty of opportunity to kiss me. We got to my apartment and Carly decided to stay the night because it was so late.

God. Now I’m thinking maybe I’m not agressive enough either. I should’ve given him my number, right?

drama in the office – pt. two.

Unfortunately things only got worse for the two former lovers. Whitney must have given Amanda some sort of magical pep talk because on Tuesday she marched right up to BJ’s cubical and plopped a pile of his things onto his desk – including that God awful spray painted t-shirt she had made (I couldn’t tell what it said but I’m sure it was cheesy).

BJ was seemingly surprised and mumbled a thank you. An hour later, Amanda sent Whitney back over to BJ’s cubicle because she changed her mind and actually wanted to keep the custom t-shirt since she paid for it.

Apparently, BJ had already thrown the little creation in the garbage at this point and refused to retrieve it. This resulted in an hour long argument between BJ and Amanda (with Whitney relaying the messages) because the two couldn’t stand to be within 10 feet of each other. It was super entertaining to watch however I couldn’t help being irritated at Whitney for feeding into and enabling this childish drama. I know she was loving feeling like people actually needed her, but our Twitter feed was suffering because of it.

On Wednesday morning, Amanda showed up with a notarized letter from her attorney father stating that BJ needed to reimburse her for the $30 t-shirt or face legal action. What the fuck? Who even does that?

BJ basically told her to piss off and ignored the letter. This only infuriated Amanda even more and she spent the rest of the morning huffing and puffing and glaring at everyone.

I sent BJ to Potbelly’s to get me a salad for lunch and he hung out in my office while I ate.

“She’s driving me crazy. I feel like she’s just doing this to have an excuse to talk to me,” he said.

“Oh, get over yourself,” I teased.

“Seriously. I made it clear that I wasn’t interested in hanging out with her anymore and now she’s freaking out over a t-shirt.”

I rolled my eyes. I couldn’t even make fun of Amanda because I was apparently crazy too, but in a different way.

I changed the subject and we talked about the work we had left to do for the rest of the day. Then Tracey from HR popped her head in my door.

“Brandon? Can we speak for a moment?” she asked.

He said yes and followed her out. Tracey deals with all employee relations, hiring and firing and I hoped BJ wasn’t going to get fired over this nonsense.

About 15 minutes later he sent me a text: “We’re having a mediation. They’re making us talk our issues out.” I didn’t see BJ again before I left for the day, but I texted him to let me know how things worked out.

Needless to say, I was excited to go to happy hour with Kendra and Preston. With all this drama, I was starting to feel like I was back in high school and I needed to feel like a grown up again.

Kendra brought John along which was kind of annoying but whatever. We ordered drinks and caught up. Preston told us about a new guy he’s seeing – an older, super rich entrepreneur. I think it’ll be good for Preston to date someone older and more established to kind of tame him. Plus maybe having a wealthy boyfriend will allow him to quit one of his jobs.

I told them that Eric and I officially called it quits, but didn’t get into details.

“I can’t believe you broke up with him before getting us free Cubs tickets,” John said.

That was the last thing on my mind when I was dating Eric, but I appreciated John’s enthusiasm.

When I got home, I took a shower and got in bed. I received a text from BJ saying that he didn’t know if he was going to make it into the office the next day because he wasn’t feeling well.

I called bluff and told him he was just trying to avoid the whole Amanda ordeal. He quickly sent back a picture of himself – shirtless and laying in bed. He was making a sad, frowny face, but I was busy having inappropriate thoughts about him being naked in bed.

When I didn’t respond, he said, “Look how miserable I look. You can’t possbily expect me to come in tomorrow.”

“You look fine,” I said back.

“That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

He was probably right about that, but I told him I would see him bright and early in the morning. And I couldn’t help going back and looking at his picture way more than I care to admit.

drama in the office – pt. one.

The weekend was pretty uneventful. I did my laundry, tried to lay out (thanks, Chicago, for having shitty weather), cleaned, worked out, read, and organized my nail polish. On Sunday morning, Kendra and I went to brunch then loitered in Nordy’s for a few hours. I didn’t buy anything except a totally necessary Kate Spade iPad case and another bottle of Prada Candy.

On Monday morning, I ran into a college classmate while I was picking up my lunch at a deli on my way to work. I haven’t seen him since we graduated and I had no idea he even moved to Chicago so we stood there catching up for awhile. We are going to try to grab drinks soon. I don’t get to see my friends from college much these days so it will be nice to be able to hang out with him.

When I got to the office, Whitney and Amanda were huddled in the lobby of our building. It appeared that Whitney was consoling Amanda, whose face was partly covered by her hair but clearly red. Interesting.

BJ was waiting with my morning chai when I got to my office.

“Morning,” I greeted him. “I just saw your girlfriend. She seemed upset.”

BJ followed me into my office. “She’s not my girlfriend. She’s fucking insane.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked.

“First she got us matching t-shirts made which is weird because we aren’t even in a relationship. And then her parents were in town over the weekend and she wanted me to meet them. When I told her no, she started bawling,” he explained.

Classic behavior of a girl who gets attached after intercourse. “Maybe you shouldn’t have had sex with her if you weren’t interested in a relationship. She probably thinks you led her on,” I said.

“That’s the thing – we didn’t have sex. We went on one date and just fooled around and stuff. I don’t know why she went crazy.”

I actually felt bad for the girl. No one wants to feel rejected like that (been there). And you can’t help it if you’re a clingy psychopath. Poor Amanda.

I got a text message from Whitney a few minutes later. “I’ll explain later, but something happened over the weekend and Amanda and BJ need to be kept far away from each other. We will be blogging from the Internet cafe until 2:00.”

I rolled my eyes. Of course Whitney had to pretend to be all in the know about everything.

By lunchtime everyone had heard the story and BJ was enjoying telling it. I sent him and Ryan out of the office to network when Whitney and Amanda were due to arrive back so the confrontation could be avoided. And I was pretty proud of myself for not fueling the fire because I definitely wanted to see that altercation go down.

As I was leaving for the day, I ran into Whitney and we headed to the subway stop together.

“Sorry about earlier. Apparently Amanda and BJ were dating and had a falling out over the weekend,” she explained.

“Yeah, but I’m not sure they were actually ‘dating.’ I think she thought it was more than it was,” I clarified.

“I think she thinks BJ led her on and was a total jerk when she asked where they stood,” Whitney said.

“I think she was coming on too strong and kind of scared BJ away. They’re only here for the summer and he probably wasn’t looking for a relationship,” I said.

“Well BJ should have told her that upfront,” Whitney said curtly.

I realized that we were bickering about two twenty one year old interns and I have much bigger things in life to worry about.

“Maybe. But neither of us really knows what happened so….”

“God, that BJ kid is such a douche,” Whitney went on. “He planned on sleeping with her and then kicking her to the curb. What an asshole.”

“You don’t know that,” I said defensively.

“But I know the type of guy he is. He crosses girls off a list like they’re groceries. He’s disgusting.”

Even though she may have been right, it was not fair for her to make accusations about BJ like that. I’m pretty sure they’ve never even had a conversation.

“I don’t think it’s fair for you to call him disgusting when you don’t even know him. Don’t make hasty generalizations because you’ve dealt with guys like that,” I said.

Whitney gave me a weird look. “Uh okay, Reese. See you tomorrow.”

She put her headphones in so we didn’t have to speak anymore.

did i just get dumped?

I was supposed to facilitate in presenting the final specs from the Batik Bohemian collection along with the product development team for the Friday staff meeting so I spent the morning preparing. BJ brought my chai and sat in my desk chair watching me rehearse/undressing me with his eyes.

When I finished my second run through, BJ began a slow golf clap.

“I think you’ve got this under control, boss lady,” he said.

“Thanks, Blow Job!” I replied, giving a little bow.

BJ smirked. “You know, I can see the outline of your thong through your skirt.”

I turned back to my presentation board so he wouldn’t see me blushing. Aren’t thongs supposed to prevent panty lines? And I was wearing the most modest J. Crew pencil skirt – of course BJ had to turn it into something sexual. And I hate to admit it, but the comment gave me a feeling in my tummy that was not appropriate for work.

“Do you need any help from me?” he called when I didn’t respond.

“No,” I said, but he got up and starting walking toward me anyway.

“You sure?” he asked, smirking. BJ had on a light blue button down with the sleeves pushed up ever so casually and those fucking amazing slacks. I wanted to rip his clothes off.

“Actually,” I said, walking around him. “Why don’t you sort this stack of papers?

“Of course.” He took the papers from me and pulled up one of the upholstered side chairs to my desk so we were sitting across from each other.

I picked up my phone and saw that I had a text message from Eric. I was really surprised because I never expected to hear from him again.

It said, “Hey Reese. I’ve been doing some thinking and I think it would be best if we didn’t see each other anymore. You’re a ton of fun, but we are in different places in our lives. I have no hard feelings toward you and I wish you the best.”

What the fuck. Did I just get dumped? I totally knew we weren’t going to work out and I was okay with it, but the text confirming it just made me feel rejected. I read it over several times. Different places in our lives? What does that even mean?

“Everything okay?” BJ asked.

“I’m fine,” I said, looking up.

He smiled. “Well, yeah. I can see that.”

It felt nice to have some guy attention so I let him sit in my office for an hour telling me about his life in Georgia. He told me about his older brother who is getting married later this summer. BJ has had a secret crush on the fiancée ever since he saw her in a bikini when he was 16. He also told me about his parents, particularly his father who let BJ start drinking beer when he was 12. This sounded like bad parenting but he assured me that it was just a southern thing.

At 11:30, Amanda poked her head in my office.

“Hey Beej, ready for lunch?” she asked.

BJ gave me a wide eyed, frustrated look before saying, “Yeah, give me a minute.”

Amanda gave me a satisfied, if not, smug look. “Hey Reese.”

Lol okay. Whitney obviously rubbed off on her. I smiled as I took in my “competition.” Amanda is a Lily Pulitzer-and-pearl wearing sorority girl from New England. On paper, I’m sure she and BJ are perfect, but I can tell he’s too wild for her. She is adorable – with huge blue doe eyes, perfectly parted blonde hair and the most innocent round face – in a juvenile sort of way.

“Hi there,” I said.

“Okay, I’ll wait for you downstairs,” she said and was gone.

“She’s so clingy,” he rolled his eyes.

I smiled and waved him off. “Have fun!”

The meeting went swimmingly and afterward Dave took Diana, Tracey from HR, and me out for drinks. I just love drinking on someone else’s tab.

That evening, Preston came over and we ordered Chinese. We gossiped, watched tv, and vegged out on my couch. So successful Friday night, I’d say.

i know i’m not a walk in the park.

I was so excited for Wednesday happy hour. Preston and Carly were joining us and Kendra found a place that was having two-for-one frozen drinks. We ended up getting this adorable server who I spent most of the evening flirting with. I realized that I had no desire to date a waiter (personal preference) so I decided to hook him up with Carly instead!

He stopped by our table to check on us and I took the opportunity to begin my matchmaking scheme. I subtly asked if he (Chris) had a girlfriend and when he said no, I pointed out that Carly was also single. I began finding other random things they had in common like both of their names started with the letter C and they both had neutral colored shirts on. They were practically meant for each other. I insisted they exchange numbers after we paid the bill and Carly awkwardly obliged.

As we walked out of the restaurant, Carly asked, “Reese, what the fuck was that?”

I feigned surprise. “What do you mean? I was doing you a favor.”

“Reese, do you remember what happened last time you tried to set one of us up?” Kendra asked.

“What?” I replied.

“I was harboring a fugitive for two weeks because his parents threw him out!” Carly exclaimed.

I erupted in laughter. I completely forgot about that. How was I supposed to know the guy had several warrants out for his arrest? People don’t tell you these things right away.

On my way home, I got a text from Eric inviting me to come over. Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I told him yes and he said he would be over in an hour to pick me up. Though the whole Brooke situation was unclear, Eric expressed that he wanted to continue seeing me and I thought that was really sweet. Plus I had a fresh Brazilian that I needed to show off.

We got to his place and snuggled on the sectional while watching Netflix. Naturally this turned into me bouncing up and down on his dick. Afterwards, Eric began getting dressed and said he was willing to take me home whenever I was ready.

I sat there naked, looking at him. Usually I spent the night without question and now suddenly he was kicking me out?

“Um okay. Do you have something to do tonight?” I looked at the clock on his cable box. “It’s 10:30?”

“Not tonight, but in the morning. I have a meeting really early…” he said, pulling his shirt over his head.

“Can’t you take me home on the way there?” I pressed on.

“I would rather not. Your place is not on the way to my meeting. In fact, it’s in the opposite direction. It would be an inconvenience.”

“I’m an inconvenience?”

Eric rolled his eyes. “I didn’t say that. I would just rather you not sleep here tonight.”

I really didn’t care about spending the night with him that much, but the fact that he was so adamant about me leaving was pissing me off.

“Is this about Brooke?” I asked, in an accusatory tone.

Eric sighed. “No. This is about me.”

“Lies. It’s totally about her.”

“Reese,” Eric started, but I interrupted him.

“You and Brooke are totally a couple. I’m not stupid. I know that’s why you stopped calling me,” I continued.

“No, I stopped calling you because you’re fucking crazy!” Eric shouted.

I was silent. It is rare that a guy can just shut me up like that. But that stung. I know I’m not a walk in the park, but crazy?

“Um, okay,” was all I said. I began getting dressed.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Reese. You just do some crazy shit sometimes,” he backtracked.

I ignored him and finished getting dressed. The drive to my apartment was relatively silent and when we got to my apartment, Eric put a hand on my knee.

“Bye, Reese,” he said with such finality that I knew it was the end of us. I wasn’t particularly sad, mad or upset because I knew I had fucked up any chances with him anyway. But I know I am going to miss our sexcapades. Oh and riding through the city in a Bentley.

“Bye!” I sang and slammed his car door.

He sped off before making sure I got inside safely which was actually really rude.

betrayal.

As expected, I was hungover and miserable all day on Monday and hid out in my office for the majority of the day. I sent BJ out to get me a cheeseburger and a salad. He brought back the goods and stood in my office watching me eat. He totally called me out on being hungover and pretended to be upset that I didn’t invite him out for our shenanigans. As if I would ever.

I decided to clock out early and on my way out, I had to walk past the interns’ cubicles. I was going to stop by and say goodbye to BJ and remind him that I wanted a green tea frappucino in the morning instead of the usual chai, but the social media intern, Amanda, was hovering over his desk. I could tell by the way she was twirling her blonde hair and her foot was cocked that BJ was sweet talking her right out of her panties. And it irritated me. And then I was annoyed at myself for being irritated.

The next morning, BJ and Amanda showed up to work together with matching Starbucks cups. I sensed something going on here and couldn’t wait to question him about it. He came into my office and handed me the drink.

“Morning, boss lady,” he said.

“I wanted a frappucino,” I said, taking a sip from my hot chai.

BJ’s curved into a grin. “Shit. I forgot.”

I sipped my latte and wiggled my eyebrows. “So what’s with you and Amanda?”

He shrugged with his hands in his pockets. “What? I’m just having fun.”

By the way he said this I could tell that “having fun” meant they are totally hooking up. And it really pissed me of because that meant I am not the only one he’s been flirting relentlessly with. So I made him run back to Starbucks and get me the frappuncino I wanted and then spend the rest of the day stapling things and doing bitch work around the office.

After work I went home and poured a huge glass of vino and sat in front of the tv. I was almost asleep when I got a picture message from Preston. It was a screenshot of an Instagram post – from that girl Brooke’s Instagram. The picture was of her and Eric from Sunday night at the club and her caption was: “Had so much fun with my favorite boy last night :)”

In the picture, she was sitting on Eric’s lap with her arms wrapped around his neck. She was a lot prettier than I remembered but still resembled an alien.

Immediately, I typed her name into Instagram and found her wide open profile. Buried in the numerous pictures of her and her friends out partying and her bulldog, there were several of her and Eric, looking all photogenic and lovey. They all had captions like “out with my boy” and “so glad I got to see my babe today.” The photos dated back to five weeks ago. Wait. Wait. Was Brooke Eric’s girlfriend? He told me they were friends!

I calmly finished my glass of wine while trying to decide what to do. Eric had given me no indication that he had a girlfriend or was even dating anyone else. Well aside from the whole incident on Sunday night. We hadn’t agreed to be exclusive nor had a relationship talk at all, but I still felt a little bit betrayed.

Finally, I decided to call Eric. I would politely and calmly probe to find out what I could about his potential girlfriend situation.

“Hey, Reese,” he said when he picked up.

“I thought you and Brooke were just friends. Why is she posting all these pictures on Instagram?” I blurted out.

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t even have Instagram,” he replied.

“‘Out with my boy.’ ‘So glad I got to see my babe today.'” I quoted from her pictures. “So you lied.”

Eric sighed. “I didn’t know she was posting that stuff. We aren’t dating.”

“Oh sure. I don’t even believe you.”

“Reese, I don’t want a girlfriend right now so I’m not with either of you. I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear.”

“Fine,” was all I said. It kind of hurt to hear that Eric had no intention of actually being in a relationship with me. Not that I wanted to. I don’t think.

“Sorry. I don’t want to stop hanging out with you, but I’m not in any position to get into a relationship right now. Okay?”

“Okay,” I said and told him that I had to go. After we hung up, I sat there thinking about what a long day of betrayal I’d had. First, BJ and Amanda and now this. I poured another cup of wine and nursed my wounds.

sunday funday.

Preston got a complimentary table in VIP at a new nightclub on Sunday night so we used that as an excuse to indulge in some Sunday Funday shenanigans. We all met at my place to get ready and I decided to wear a lace Free People bodycon dress, Jimmy Choos and sexed up beach waves. Very boho chic. We took a shot of vodka and toasted to a good night before we cabbed to the club.

When we got to the club, we ordered a bottle of Patron and a bottle Belvedere to celebrate the fact that it was Sunday. This quickly turned into Carly and me twerking on the table and fighting off random guys. Sorry, we party. Preston ended up finding a guy from Grindr who hung out with us and quickly became my second favorite gay ever (he told me I looked “tiny” and “seductive” so he won points with me).

After a while, Carly and I wanted to mingle with other people in VIP and get a cocktail so we grabbed our friends and made our way to the bar. I ordered a Long Island and took a look around the VIP area. There were eight tables total – all filled with attractive club goers – and then leather couches lining the wall.

I was drunk, but totally coherent and I thought I saw Eric sitting in the corner on one of the couches with his arm around a girl. I squinted to help me see better. No way it could be him. Out of all the clubs in Chicago, what were the chances of us ending up at the same place?

“Reese, is that Eric?” Kendra asked, as if reading my mind.

He started laughing and I detected his perfect smile and dimples. It was totally him. Before anyone could stop me, I sat my glass down and started over there.

“Reese! Don’t go over there!” Kendra called after me, but it was too late.

I stopped in front of Eric and his new skank – a half Asian looking girl with played out ombré highlights, a gigantic forehead and a tight red dress. They both looked up at me.

“Oh hey, Eric! I haven’t heard from you in so long I assumed you were dead!” I said, sweetly.

He let out a chuckle without removing his arm from around the girl. “Hi Reese. This is Brooke.”

I gave the girl a sarcastic smile. “Cute dress. H&M 2012?”

She looked down at herself and back up at me. “I can’t remember.”

“Anyways, I hope you guys have a super fun fucking night,” I said and walked away.

“What did he say?” Kendra wanted to know when I rejoined them at the bar.

“Did you see that girl? She looks like she belongs in Splice,” I said and finished my drink.

“You’re definitely prettier,” Preston reassured me. “Let’s get you another drink.”

We went back to our table and danced while I pretended Eric didn’t exist. I had to force myself not to look back over at him and what’s-her-face, but luckily I was having too much fun to care.

Later on, I dragged Kendra back to the bar so I could get another drink and an ice water. While I was waiting for the winking bartender to serve up my drink, I felt someone’s hands on my waist.

It was Eric.

I looked past him to see if that tacky haired bimbo was behind him and glared at him when I saw that he was alone.

“Hey beautiful. What are you drinking?” he asked when the bartender slid my cup in front of me.

“Who the fuck was that?” I asked.

“Reese, relax. She’s my friend,” Eric said.

“Well, she’s ugly,” I said as I took a sip of my third Long Island. This wasn’t entirely true. The girl was actually cute, but that wasn’t the point.

Eric gave me a disapproving frown. “That’s uncalled for. Brooke didn’t do anything to you.”

I ignored him and turned back to Kendra. I felt Eric tighten his grip on my waist and nuzzle my neck. Kendra gave me a weird look and buried her face in her drink.

“Come on, Reesie. You aren’t mad at me, are you?” Eric whispered in my ear.

His breath on my ear made my heart rate quicken. I definitely missed him, but he had gone AWOL and completely ignored my phone call. He kissed my neck and I felt my knees buckle. Asshole. He knows that’s my spot.

“Ken Ken! Reesie Cup!” Preston called, joining us at the bar. “We’re about to get out of here and get something greasy and disgusting to eat. Ready?”

I pulled away from Eric reluctantly, but he held onto my wrist.

“Let’s go,” I said to my friends.

Kendra and Preston started settling our tab with the bartender and Eric pulled me close to him. “Come over.”

I shook him off. “No. I haven’t even heard from you in like two weeks.”

Eric grabbed my ass. “Come on, Reese. I’ve been busy. I missed you a lot.”

I didn’t know if this was true or not, but somehow he talked me into going home with him. We ended up having the most intense, mind blowing sex ever. There was tons of hair pulling, scratching, ass slapping and dirty talk. It made me think we needed to take a hiatus more often.

he might actually be done with me.

Eric still hadn’t called or texted me by the time Wednesday happy hour rolled around and I was becoming worried that he might actually be done with me. It had been an entire week since we’d last spoken and it was the longest we had gone without contact. I, of course, hadn’t reached out to him, but decided that once I got home from happy hour I would.

I met Kendra at the restaurant and considered just ordering the one dollar oysters because being a drunk mess is what got me in the position I was in in the first place. But I ended up ordering a glass of wine and a pomegranate martini anyway.

“How’s living with a man?” I asked immediately, so she wouldn’t start asking me questions about Eric.

“It’s wonderful. I can’t believe we didn’t do this before. It’s really helpful having him around. He cooks a lot!” she answered.

“Don’t you ever want some alone time?”

“John is at the hospital a lot so we have plenty of time away from each other. I get so excited when he comes home.”

It was dim in the restaurant but it looked like Kendra was kind of blushing. Gross.

“You sound like a puppy waiting for his owner to get home from work,” I said.

Kendra narrowed her eyes at me. “So how’s Eric? I haven’t heard about him in a while.”

I drained my glass of wine before answering. I considered lying and saying that Eric and I were great so Kendra didn’t scold me for potentially ruining things with yet another guy.

“I haven’t heard from him since last Wednesday morning,” I blurted out.

“Have you called him?” Kendra asked.

“Well, no,” I started.

“Why?”

“He always calls me. I never call him,” I said.

“Exactly. See where’s that’s gotten you?”

“I’ll call him later. I’m not even worried about it,” I said, sipping my martini.

Kendra started talking about work or something and my phone vibrated in my bag. I tried not to get excited thinking it was Eric because I knew it wasn’t. It turned out to be BJ, asking if I wanted a chai latte in the morning. BJ and I exchanged numbers on a strictly business basis, but he finds any reason to text me. And I hate to admit it, but I kind of like the attention.

I texted back, “Obviously.”

Immediately, BJ wrote back, “Anything for my favorite boss.”

I finished another glass of wine then we headed home. The alcohol had made me loosen up, but I was still a little bit nervous about calling Eric. I literally never called him – unless I was drunk.

I took a shower, blow dried my hair, brushed my teeth, flossed and then I called him.

I didn’t even have anything prepared to say, I expected us to just fall back into it when he answered. Except Eric didn’t pick up. I quickly hung up without leaving a message. At first I got mad, thinking he was ignoring me but then I realized that he said he was almost fully recovered from his injury. He was probably back at work, practicing and having games everyday. He was probably super busy. I decided to send him a quick text in case he wasn’t in a position to talk on the phone at the moment.

“Hey, just checking in. Miss you!”

Satisfied, I popped in a movie and fell asleep.

This morning I got to work and signed into my email and Pinterest and waited for my hot chai to be delivered to my office. BJ showed up right on time with my venti and a cake pop.

“I thought you might be a little hungry this morning,” he said, perching on the edge of my desk.

“Thanks, Blow Job, but I really don’t need these empty calories this early,” I said. I quickly Googled the calories in a Starbucks cake pop and was happy to see that it only contained 140.

“What do we have on the agenda today?” BJ asked as I took a bite out of my cake pop.

“We have a meeting with a freelance graphic designer and then you guys are going to start on a new campaign this afternoon. It should be a fairly easy day.” I took another bite of the cake pop and BJ watched my lips intently.

“I like the way you eat that,” he said, biting down on his lower lip.

I felt heat rising up my neck to my face. Dammit, Blow Job!

I took the last bite of the cake pop and sucked on the stick for longer than necessary. BJ looked like he was going to explode in his pants.

“Knock knock,” we heard at the door.

BJ jumped off the side of my desk as Whitney stepped into my office. “Hey Reese. I have some things for you to look over.”

Whitney dropped a file folder on my desk and looked from me to BJ and back.

“Okay. I’ll get to those this afternoon,” I told her, smiling sweetly.

“Awesome. Thanks, Reese!”

I followed Whitney to the door and watched as she walked out with BJ on her heels. Before he left, he tapped me lightly on the nose. He had no right to touch me so I slapped his hand away. He turned and smirked at me before going to his cubicle.

It wasn’t until this afternoon when I was reading through Whitney’s file, that I realized I never got a call or text back from Eric.

i’m a grown up career lady now.

Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were a blur of running around getting ready for the warehouse sale. I’m usually quite calm and collected for the most part, but when it’s crunch time everything changes. I turn into a bookend throwing psychopath. It’s best to stay out of my way. I’m proud to say that none of my employees were sacrificed leading up to the big sale. And I really commend BJ on stepping in whenever he could see that I was about to go into a rage and do anything he could to help me. The douchebag was actually a really hard worker.

When Saturday rolled around, we all arrived really early to prepare. I even brought donuts and coffee because I’m a great boss. The doors opened at 9:30 so we had to make sure everything was in place. At 10:00 the place was packed and I finally felt like I could breathe. I joined BJ and another ad teamer, Ryan, plus the social media intern, Amanda in a corner of the rented out warehouse watching the success go down.

BJ looped an arm around my neck. “Look at this place, boss lady. I’d say we did a pretty good job.”

I quickly wiggled out of his grip. No one gave that kid permission to touch me. Especially in a public setting. I have to admit though, he looked really hot in his non-work clothes – gray tee, chinos and Sperrys.

“I’m happy with the way it turned out,” I said, scanning the place.

“We should get drinks after this and celebrate,” BJ said.

“I’m in. After all that hard work we put in, I need a strong beer,” Ryan added.

Even if I wanted to go have drinks with these children (which I didn’t), our company has a strict non-fraternization policy that forbids me from hanging out with any subordinates outside of work. Which is cool with me.

“I’ll go,” Amanda said.

BJ looked at me and smirked. “Coming, Reese?”

“No,” I said, simply.

The sale wrapped up at around 4:30 and I stayed later to recap the day with Diana and clean (watch people clean). BJ stayed with me and we worked on putting leftover paperweights in boxes for a little while. At 5:30 we both decided to get going.

“Are you sure you don’t want to come to the bar? You look like you need a beer,” BJ said as we made our way outside.

“I’m sure. I have plans,” I replied. This wasn’t entirely true. I hadn’t heard from Eric at all since he’d fingered me into oblivion which was weird since it was the weekend. But Kendra
wanted us all to come over for wine but that wasn’t until later so I really had nothing to do.

“All right. I’m going to get hammered though. I hope you have a good night.”

“Are you even old enough to drink?” I couldn’t help asking.

BJ smirked. “I turned 21 last month. I’m perfectly legal, Reese.”

Twenty one seems like so long ago for me which just further proves that BJ is a child and I need to stay far away from him. I’m a grown up career lady now. I told BJ to have fun and we parted ways.

That night we all went to Kendra’s and she made chicken parm. Luckily John was out so we could be loud and get drunk off Cabernet without judgement. After all the wine was gone, Preston suggested we walk down the street to the bar and obviously we all obliged. Because it was Saturday night, everyone was super dressed up and the four of us had on shorts, denim, and graphic tees and my hair was in a super not-chic messy bun. Whatever.

I ended up sitting at the bar talking to this scruffy but cute engineer for the better part of an hour. He actually went to my rival university so we bantered back and forth about that for a bit before he started telling me all about his super interesting (boring) job. Honestly, everything he was saying was going right over my head but I was tipsy and able to ask vague questions that made it seem like I had an idea what he was talking about. He bought us Washington apple shots and then we got started talking about my job.

After my whole spiel about my rise to success, he said, “That’s awesome. My girlfriend works in marketing too.”

I almost choked. “Girlfriend?”

“Yeah. She’s right over there.” He gestured to a tall blonde girl sitting at a table with a bunch of other girls. She was wearing what looked like a knockoff Herve Leger dress, but she was actually really pretty. And she seemed completely unfazed by her boyfriend sitting at the bar with a girl in cutoff shorts and a Victoria’s Secret PINK t-shirt. Honestly, I didn’t even blame her. I didn’t look my best.

Needless to say, that was the end of my days as an engineer wife and I danced with Preston until we were all exhausted and went back to Kendra’s to crash.

the intern.

On Monday morning we had a staff meeting to introduce our new bright eyed summer interns. I sat in the back of the conference room Instagramming my shoes (#shoesoftheday #rockstuds) because this had nothing to do with me. Afterwards, I met with Diana and Dave to discuss some details about the warehouse sale. They kept telling me how excited they were about the batik line and how they couldn’t wait to see what else I had in store.

Usually I work through lunch but I decided to go to the break room to make some tea and find a snack. I was standing in front of the vending machine trying to decide if I wanted an iced honey bun or a plain honey bun (honestly, I needed neither) when I heard someone say, “Just take forever why don’t you?”

I turned and standing behind me was one of the new ad team interns with a playful smirk on his face. He was tall and lean with dark hair that needed to be cut, sleepy eyes and an incredible jaw. He was wearing a pair of amazing fitting flat front slacks with a polo tucked in. Something about his look told me that he liked to drink cheap beer, smoke a ton of pot, and get crazy on the weekends. He was actually really effing hot.

“I’m still deciding. You can go ahead of me if you’d like,” I said.

He stepped in front of me and as if reading my mind, got an iced honey bun. He locked eyes with me as he took a bite.

“Mmmm. So good,” he said.

“That’s actually what I was going to get,” I told him.

He held the honey bun out to me. “Want a bite?”

I shook my head. “I’ll get my own.”

He was blocking the vending machine so we both just kind of stood there looking at each other.

“What’s your name?” he asked after taking another bite.

“Reese. What’s yours?” I replied.

“Brandon. But people call me BJ.”

“BJ,” I repeated.

“Yeah. Like blow job.”

Normally an inappropriate comment like this would warrant a scoff and an eye roll, but the way he said it – so suggestively – made my face get hot. And it really pissed me off.

“Do you know that I’m going to be your boss this summer, Brandon?” I finally revealed.

He gave me a skeptical look. “How old are you?”

“Old enough.”

Blow Job smirked at me again. “Anything I can get for you, boss lady? Coffee?”

“Non-fat, no foam, Stevia – extra hot chai tea latte topped with a sprinkle of nutmeg. I don’t drink coffee,” I countered.

“Oh yeah?” he said, smirking.

“You have six minutes,” I added.

BJ took a bite of his honey bun without taking his eyes off me.

“You’re out of your mind, Reese. This ain’t The Devil Wears Prada,” he said.

He was so cocky and douchey. Who gave him the right to talk to me – his boss – like this? I was kind of obsessed.

“Yes it is. You’re going to be my slave this summer, Brandon,” I said.

He finished his honey bun while staring me down. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

He stared at me carnivorously for a few moments before heading toward the door.

“I hope you’re not a psycho boss, Reese,” BJ said before walking out.

He has no idea.

After work I stopped by Kendra’s to say hi and to distract myself so I didn’t go home and text Eric. I’d decided that was going to give him a little bit of space. I knew he needed a break from me/my drunk counterpart so I was going to wait for him to contact me.

When I got to Kendra’s, John was there moving some of his things in. The place was in such disarray that it gave me anxiety. I told Kendra I had a lot of work to do a peaced out of there.

On Tuesday, I got to the office and immediately started replying to emails as usual. I usually spend an hour or so catching up on what I missed/raping Pinterest then I get started on my day. I heard a knock on the door and found BJ standing there with a white Starbucks cup in his hand.

“Morning, boss lady,” he said, walking to my desk. He sat the cup down and I quickly closed out of my Pinterest browser. “I brought your drink.”

I looked up at him, unsure of what to say. He had that playful smirk on his face. It told me that he was imagining what I looked with my clothes off and it made me blush. I never fucking blush.

“This is about twenty hours late,” I finally said.

“Sorry about that. It won’t happen again,” BJ said.

He stayed in my office for a while chatting. I found out that he goes to school at UGA and is in a fraternity, which is obvious. He is studying marketing and advertising – hence the internship and is living with a bunch of his friends in the city this summer. One thing about BJ is that he definitely knows how to talk to women. He says everything so sexually – like he was asking my favorite sex positions and if I wanted to try them out with him. I couldn’t decide if I loved him or hated him.

After he left, I took a sip of the steaming hot chai goodness. I even tasted the hint of nutmeg. Somehow, this goofy kid had gotten my order exactly right. I was impressed.

I spent the day prepping for the warehouse sale on Saturday, keeping the ad team in check and avoiding hungry looks from BJ. After work, Eric called and invited me to sleep over. I can’t lie, I was relieved to finally hear from him. I packed my bag and changed into lululemon leggings and a v-neck. When we got to his condo, we made pasta for dinner and put in a movie. We didn’t mention Friday night at all.

Eventually, we retreated to his bed. We laid next to each other, on our backs, not saying anything or touching. It was weird and I wondered if Eric was still mad. But he’d invited me over and kissed me hello so that didn’t seen likely. I peeked over at him and he had one hand behind his head and he appeared to be sleeping but I knew he wasn’t.

I laid there looking out the window for a moment wondering if I should just hop on him. He must’ve wanted to hook up too, right? And then I felt his hand creep across my tummy and in between my legs. He started rubbing me softly through my panties and it was exactly the right spot so I immediately started moaning. His hand quickened and became more urgent. I glanced over and he was still just laying there with his arm behind his head and his eyes closed. If anyone were to walk in, they wouldn’t be able to tell what was happening and that I was about to come hard as fuck. My legs started trembling and Eric – sensing how close I was – moved in quick, rough motions until I squealed with pleasure. And then he rolled over and went to sleep. It was kind of odd but absolutely satisfying.

*also: I will posting the Q&A Friday morning so comment, email, or tweet your last minute questions!

hot mess in high heels.

Monthly Archives: June 2014