have i let myself go?

Since the trip to NYC was so last minute, I waited until the last minute to pack. I only packed my interview outfit, travel outfit and of course my entire makeup collection because I wasn’t sure what look I wanted to go for. Brady drove me to the airport and on the plane, I practiced some interview questions/worked on my Pinterest wedding/drank martinis. 

By the time I got to New York and checked into my hotel it was after midnight and I was exhausted. My interview was at 8:00 AM so I quickly showered and then fell sleep right away. 

I set my alarm for 6:00 on Saturday morning so I would have an hour to get ready and an hour to get to my interview. When my alarm went off, I seriously considered snoozing until 8:00 then skipping my interview and exploring the city for a few hours. It’s not like I’m dying for a new job anyway. I could tell Kate that I missed my flight and never made it to NYC, but thanks for the opportunity.

But I’m working on being a more responsible adult so I rolled out of bed, got dressed with my eyes closed and swiped on mascara and concealer. I was out the door by 6:50 so I had time to grab breakfast and a latte. Luckily, Kate was nice enough to book my hotel not far from the building where the headquarters are located and I was able to make it there walking, in less than thirty minutes.

The interview itself was pretty painless. I met with the vp of sales and the director of stores – two girls in their early 30s. One was tall and had on a very New York City outfit: black tights, oversized black tunic, steep black booties and eyeliner. The other woman was tiny and Asian and was the exact opposite of the first woman. She looked like an Easter basket with all her bright colors and jewelry. They asked me a bunch of behavior based questions which I’m super good at. As you guys may or may not know, I’m really good at telling stories. 

The taller woman was trying really hard to be intimidating and refused to smile or acknowledge my answers. The Asian girl was really nice though. After the interview, they took me on a tour of the office and I got to see the design suite and the little test store they use to plan the floorplan for all the other stores. It was all really cool. Then they started telling me about past sales directors who had since been promoted to cool jobs like the new store opening coordinator who travels opening the new stores and buyer who decides what things each store sells. And if you do get promoted they will fund your move to NYC. This got me excited. I could finally fulfill my dream of living in New York! The taller girl even said she used to be a sales director and just worked her way up. You would think that would make her more humble, but I guess not. 

As we were wrapping everything up, the Asian girl said, “It was so nice meeting you, Reese. I think you would be a great fit for our brand.”

I beamed. After visiting the headquarters and talking to them about the possibilities for growth, I could really see myself working for the company. They are so much more in touch with current fashion trends and technology. As much as I try to get my company more on trend, Dave and Diana like to stick to what they know – which is muted colors and bland silhouettes. They don’t even understand why we need an iPhone app.

But then the taller girl decided to piss on my parade. “If we decide to move forward with you, you’ll be contacted by Kate. If not, thanks for your time.”

Bitch.

After the interview I had to run back to the hotel and book it to the airport to make my flight home. I really wished I had time to explore especially because there were so many cute boutiques on the way to my hotel.

I slept the entire flight home and Brady was waiting for me at the airport. It was like back to reality.

“How did it go?” Brady asked on the way home.

“Fine,” I sighed. “One of the interviewers was kind of a bitch so I probably won’t get it.”

He told me not to think negatively and he thinks I probably will get an offer, etc. I didn’t want to tell him how much I was actually hoping for an offer so that way if one didn’t come, I could pretend I didn’t care. 

But whatever. All I really wanted to do was eat and have sex with my boyfriend. We stopped and got food then took it to Brady’s to eat. I asked him what he did Friday night and he told me that he and Chris “stayed home.”

After we ate, I forced Brady into his room and had my way with him. Not that it took much. After that I made Brady come with me shopping. He’s never been shopping with me and I think being a good shopping partner is  a vital relationship requirement. I need a man who will be involved, but not too involved, who will endorse all of my purchases, who will not try to make sense of my shopping strategy and most importantly, who will carry my shopping bags and/or purse.

By the time we made it to Nordy’s, I had accumulated four bags and Brady suggested we stop and put them in the car. I spun around; giving him a pitying smile. What a newb. 

“We can’t drop anything off yet,” I explained, gently. “I might need to match things before I buy them so we have to keep it all with us.”

Brady gave me a weird look, but said okay. I did a quick lap around Nordstrom and picked up a pair of booties, a scarf, a pair of sunglasses, a watch and a dress that I’ll probably return.

After we left Nordstrom, the annual lights parade was happening and I insisted we stay and watch it because sometimes I’m a child. It ended soon after that so I missed the majority of it.

There was a really happy atmosphere in the city on Saturday evening. I don’t know if it was from the parade or all the tourists visiting or the fact that it wasn’t blisteringly cold, but I texted all my friends and insisted we get dressed up and go to the club.

Carly and Kendra came over to pregame and I decided to wear a black dress, So Kates, and red lipstick. We took Uber to the club and Brady and Chris met us there.

When Brady saw me he said, “Wow, you look really beautiful.”

Lol, what a nerd. I feel like he hardly ever compliments me anymore so I took it. Maybe I’ve let myself go since getting in a relationship. Doesn’t that happen to people?

Somehow I got us a complimentary table in VIP by talking to a bartender and the manager told us to order whatever we wanted. Don’t mind if I do. I ordered us a bottle of rosé and bottles of top shelf tequila and vodka.

I told myself that I wasn’t going to get drunk, but I got drunk. Kendra and Carly did too so we ran around and danced. There’s just nothing like drinking on someone else’s tab. While we were down on the main dance floor, we ran into Derrick and another one of our friends from college, Ronnie.

I momentarily forgot about the falling out Derrick and I had and ran over to them and pulled them into hugs.

“Oh my God, Ronnie!” I screamed, using my Sammi Sweetheart accent.

Ronnie used to have house parties almost every single night in college. He was friends with me and also my ex and we would have so many drunk heart to hearts. He was the number one supporter of our relationship. 

“Reese! We were just talking about you!” Ronnie said.

“What did you say?” I asked, glaring at Derrick. 

“I was thinking about texting you and asking you to come out tonight,” Ronnie said. “But you’re here anyway so it worked out.”

I smiled and invited them to our table. On the way there, Derrick fell into step next to me and said, “How have you been?”

I can’t lie, I was impressed that even after the falling out we had, he was still being nice and cordial.

We got to our table and I introduced everyone to Ronnie. I ordered us another bottle meanwhile hoping that “order whatever you want” meant that it was on the house. I never actually clarified that with the manager.

We all sat down and I leaned over to Ronnie to catch up. He lives in LA now and was just visiting Chicago for the weekend. I’m actually kind of offended that he didn’t text me and let me know beforehand because I thought we were friends. But whatever.

We were having a pleasant conversation and then Ronnie said, “You know, [ex whose name I refuse to say, type, or think] has been asking about you lately. He misses you.”

My blood stopped pumping and I’m sure my entire face went white. “What?”

“We see each other two or three times a week because our offices are a block from each other. Don’t you want to talk to him?” Ronnie continued.

I started to say, “Why would I want to talk to him?” but I only got to “Why-” before I started sobbing.

Brady was sitting on the other side of me and immediately put his arm around me and asked what was wrong. When I didn’t answer, he looked at Ronnie and said, “What did you do to her?”

I heard Derrick say, “She’s fine. She’s drunk. She cries about everything when she’s drunk.”

True.

“What did I do?” Ronnie asked, sounding genuinely confused. Poor guy.

“Nothing. She’s being dramatic,” Derrick said.

“Fuck off,” Brady said and my head jerked toward him, shocked. Brady is usually so laidback and non-confrontational.

“It’s fine,” I sniffled, trying to smooth over the situation. I looked around for Kendra and Carly. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

I stood up and grabbed them then forced them to go the bathroom with me. They both started touching up their makeup and hair while I explained to them what Ronnie said.

“Do you think he really misses me?” I asked.

Kendra spun around, slapping Carly in the face with her weave. “Who gives a fuck if he misses you? That piece of trash deserves to be single and miserable forever.”

My eyes grew wide. 

“Seriously, fuck him. I can’t believe you’re even pretending to care. You have an amazing boyfriend who is in love with you.”

I felt more tears forming. Kendra was totally right. Why was I even entertaining the fact that [redacted] claims he misses me? He’s probably just lonely.

I cleaned myself up then skipped back out there. I couldn’t wait to hug my boyfriend and plan our drunk future.

“Hi baaaabe,” I squealed, jumping on Brady’s lap. I planted a kiss on him, leaving my lipstick all over his lips. It was cute.

“You okay?” he asked.

“So I’ve been thinking,” I said excitedly. “I wouldn’t mind moving to Massachusetts. It seems peaceful.”

“Really?”

Brady seemed happy that I am willing to settle down with him in Massachusetts and we were right in the middle of designing our peaceful little cabin in the woods when Ronnie appeared in front of us.

“It was good seeing you, Reese,” he said. “Maybe we can catch up tomorrow or something.” And then he looked at Brady for approval like he’s some sort of controlling boyfriend. Lol! 

I didn’t end up meeting Ronnie before he went home, but I did text him apologizing for my tantrum (if that’s what you want to call it) and assured him that it wasn’t his fault. If anyone kind of understands, it’s Ronnie. He was there for the entire fucked up relationship.

On Monday night, Kate called me.

“Hey, love,” she said in her super cute accent. “How did your interview go?”

“I don’t know,” I said, honestly. “I left feeling really indifferent.”

“They loved you,” she revealed.

“Really?” I asked, surprised. “Even the tall girl?”

“They both did. Josie [the Asian girl] raved about you all day and asked where I found you. Honestly, I think you got it.”

Wow. Even though an offer hadn’t been officially made, I was already feeling nauseous at the thought of having to decide if I was going to take it.

“I know you’re probably so sick of interviews, but there’s one more person I want you to meet,” Kate said.

She explained that she wanted me to meet with the guy who would be my immediate boss. He is in charge of the region I would be taking over and another region. Kate said that it wouldn’t really be a formal interview, but just kind of a casual meeting to make sure that we are on the same wavelength since we would be working together. He will be in Chicago on Friday and she said she gave him my number so he is going to call me to set up a time and place.

After I hung up with Kate, I called my mom. I hadn’t told her about the possible new job at all, but now that an offer might be in the cards, I wanted to know what she thought.

She answered the phone and proceeded to tell me that one of her friends showed her pictures of me on Facebook from over the weekend and she wanted to know how I got my hair like it was. So I had to explain to her that I used a curling wand and that she actually has a curling wand at home that she never uses. My mom is so exhausting. 

Finally, I explained to her the job situation and asked her what I should do.

“If they offer you more money, take it!” she said without missing a beat.

“What about my current job? And Diana?” I asked.

“Oh babe, Diana doesn’t expect you to be there forever. You’re young. This is the time where you can hop from job to job until you find something you like. I had thirty jobs when I was in college.”

“Mom, I’m not in college. I can’t just job hop. And I like my job. That’s the problem. Should I risk leaving the job I like for a job I only think I would like better?”

“I don’t think you should pass up an opportunity like this,” my mom said.

Then she started complaining about how my dad has been spending a lot of time at work lately and in fact, he wasn’t even home yet. Then he came home and she hung up.

So I guess I’ll just meet with the guy on Friday and see what happens. I figured when they wanted to fly me to New York that I probably already had it, but still. You never know.

My parents haven’t mentioned coming for Thanksgiving any more so I’m not counting on it. Everyone is going to be here in the city for the holiday so we’re going to have a big Friendsgiving feast at Brady and Chris’s. Kendra is going to do most of the cooking obviously, but Carly and I will help.

I hope y’all have a happy Thanksgiving! ❤

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he might actually be done with me.

Eric still hadn’t called or texted me by the time Wednesday happy hour rolled around and I was becoming worried that he might actually be done with me. It had been an entire week since we’d last spoken and it was the longest we had gone without contact. I, of course, hadn’t reached out to him, but decided that once I got home from happy hour I would. 

I met Kendra at the restaurant and considered just ordering the one dollar oysters because being a drunk mess is what got me in the position I was in in the first place. But I ended up ordering a glass of wine and a pomegranate martini anyway. 

“How’s living with a man?” I asked immediately, so she wouldn’t start asking me questions about Eric. 

“It’s wonderful. I can’t believe we didn’t do this before. It’s really helpful having him around. He cooks a lot!” she answered.

“Don’t you ever want some alone time?”

“John is at the hospital a lot so we have plenty of time away from each other. I get so excited when he comes home.”

It was dim in the restaurant but it looked like Kendra was kind of blushing. Gross. 

“You sound like a puppy waiting for his owner to get home from work,” I said.

Kendra narrowed her eyes at me. “So how’s Eric? I haven’t heard about him in a while.”

I drained my glass of wine before answering. I considered lying and saying that Eric and I were great so Kendra didn’t scold me for potentially ruining things with yet another guy. 

“I haven’t heard from him since last Wednesday morning,” I blurted out. 

“Have you called him?” Kendra asked. 

“Well, no,” I started. 

“Why?”

“He always calls me. I never call him,” I said. 

“Exactly. See where’s that’s gotten you?” 

“I’ll call him later. I’m not even worried about it,” I said, sipping my martini.

Kendra started talking about work or something and my phone vibrated in my bag. I tried not to get excited thinking it was Eric because I knew it wasn’t. It turned out to be BJ, asking if I wanted a chai latte in the morning. BJ and I exchanged numbers on a strictly business basis, but he finds any reason to text me. And I hate to admit it, but I kind of like the attention. 

I texted back, “Obviously.”

Immediately, BJ wrote back, “Anything for my favorite boss.”

I finished another glass of wine then we headed home. The alcohol had made me loosen up, but I was still a little bit nervous about calling Eric. I literally never called him – unless I was drunk. 

I took a shower, blow dried my hair, brushed my teeth, flossed and then I called him.

I didn’t even have anything prepared to say, I expected us to just fall back into it when he answered. Except Eric didn’t pick up. I quickly hung up without leaving a message. At first I got mad, thinking he was ignoring me but then I realized that he said he was almost fully recovered from his injury. He was probably back at work, practicing and having games everyday. He was probably super busy. I decided to send him a quick text in case he wasn’t in a position to talk on the phone at the moment. 

“Hey, just checking in. Miss you!”

Satisfied, I popped in a movie and fell asleep. 

This morning I got to work and signed into my email and Pinterest and waited for my hot chai to be delivered to my office. BJ showed up right on time with my venti and a cake pop. 

“I thought you might be a little hungry this morning,” he said, perching on the edge of my desk.

“Thanks, Blow Job, but I really don’t need these empty calories this early,” I said. I quickly Googled the calories in a Starbucks cake pop and was happy to see that it only contained 140.

“What do we have on the agenda today?” BJ asked as I took a bite out of my cake pop.

“We have a meeting with a freelance graphic designer and then you guys are going to start on a new campaign this afternoon. It should be a fairly easy day.” I took another bite of the cake pop and BJ watched my lips intently.

“I like the way you eat that,” he said, biting down on his lower lip.

I felt heat rising up my neck to my face. Dammit, Blow Job!

I took the last bite of the cake pop and sucked on the stick for longer than necessary. BJ looked like he was going to explode in his pants.

“Knock knock,” we heard at the door.

BJ jumped off the side of my desk as Whitney stepped into my office. “Hey Reese. I have some things for you to look over.”

Whitney dropped a file folder on my desk and looked from me to BJ and back.

“Okay. I’ll get to those this afternoon,” I told her, smiling sweetly. 

“Awesome. Thanks, Reese!”

I followed Whitney to the door and watched as she walked out with BJ on her heels. Before he left, he tapped me lightly on the nose. He had no right to touch me so I slapped his hand away. He turned and smirked at me before going to his cubicle.

It wasn’t until this afternoon when I was reading through Whitney’s file, that I realized I never got a call or text back from Eric. 

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