i’m expecting jiff under the christmas tree.

Kendra and I made up on Friday. Well, she texted me a picture of a gold sequin dress she’d seen online and asked if she could wear it for New Year’s Eve. I guess that meant she wasn’t mad anymore.

I replied, “Yes, it’ll look perfect with your DSquared booties and your hair up.”

So we are officially back on.

I talked to Diana on Friday afternoon and she told me that she had someone in mind to replace me. She wanted me to meet the girl and sit in on the interview on Monday. Since apparently I’m an interview expert now I said sure. 

After work I met with Preston for dinner. He was craving Chick-fil-a which is (amazing) disgusting, but after what he’s been going through, I figured he deserved it. We got our food and took it to my apartment so we wouldn’t be caught eating it in public. 

“How are you feeling?” I asked as we sat our sandwiches, nuggets, waffle fries, and milkshakes on the counter.

“Honestly, I’m fucking pissed. But on the bright side, I’m back on Grindr and I’m hanging out with this guy later. I kind of missed it.”

He proceeded to tell me about how he’d met up with a Grindr date on Thursday night and they got a hotel room. Preston totally planned on having rebound sex, but he got too drunk and passed out. Story of my life. 

Brady worked late on Friday night, like really late: until almost 11:00. He texted me when he got off, but didn’t make any attempts to hang out so I figured he was probably tired.

On Saturday morning, Brady told me to come over because he missed me which is so cute. When I got there we had breakfast, hooked up, got dressed, went to Bloomingdale’s, went to the grocery store, came home, napped, made dinner then turned on a movie. We’re like a little married couple already.

Chris was home and the two of them decided to smoke. But instead of pulling the big bong out, they had this little glass pipe thing. I was watching curiously because I’ve never seen one before and Brady tried to pass it to me. I shook my head.

After they finished smoking, they sat on the couch, stoned. I was sitting in the middle of them while they talked about gas prices and the economy or something lame. And then suddenly, right in the middle of their conversation, Brady stopped talking and pulled me on his lap and started kissing my neck. I giggled and pushed him away since Chris was right there.

Brady looked up at me with half-open, red stoner eyes. I kissed him quickly and tried to get up but he grabbed my waist and held me down.

“Brady.” I said his name like I was a fed up high school teacher.

He smirked at me while he stuck his hand up my shirt and squeezed one of my boobs. And then he pinched my nipple and I felt my vagina pulsate. Probably time to end this.

I jumped up and scurried off but before I could get too far Brady slapped my ass, hard.

“Isn’t she so hot?” I heard him ask Chris as I turned down the hallway.

Hot? Whatever. I’m way more than hot. I hope Chris defended me. 

I went to Brady’s room and got on Facebook/Instagram/SnapChat/rubbed the sore hand print on my ass. I was looking at puppies (have you seen Jiff the Pom?! Need.) when Brady walked in.

“You hurt me,” I told him.

I was laying on my tummy across the bed and didn’t move from my spot. 

“I’m sorry,” I heard him say as he came behind me. He rubbed my ass softly and then he pulled down my shorts and kissed the tender spot he slapped.

I flipped over slightly and shoved a picture of Jiff in his face. “Can we get a dog?”

Brady stared at Jiff for about fifteen seconds before saying, “That is a genetically modified dog.”

“No he isn’t,” I scoffed. “He’s just really well groomed. Can we get one? It’ll be our first taste of parenthood.”

Brady laughed and said okay. So I’m expecting Jiff under the tree on Christmas.

On Sunday morning, I woke up before Brady and decided to make breakfast. I put some bacon in the oven and then pulled the eggs out of the refrigerator. I noticed the little black pipe thing sitting on the counter and couldn’t help picking it up. I don’t know why I was so intrigued by it.

I was examining the bowl part with the weed remnants in it when I thought I kind of heard something in the hallway and when I looked up Brady was walking into the kitchen. Apparently he scared me and I dropped the pipe on the tile floor. It shattered. Oops.

“What are you doing?” Brady asked and for a second, I thought he was pissed. But then he smiled and walked into the kitchen only wearing a pair of sweatpants.

“I’m making breakfast,” I said sweetly. I couldn’t help throwing my arms around him and kissing him because he’s just so adorable. “Your pipe thingy fell off the counter and broke.”

I pointed to the glass all over the floor. Brady looked down at the mess and looked back at me. And then he grabbed my hips and pulled me close to him so I could feel that he was hard. I grabbed his dick and started stroking it, considering giving him head in the kitchen.

I was about to pull it out when we heard Chris down the hall say, “Smells like bacon!”

We quickly pulled apart and Brady busied himself cleaning up the glass while I continued working on breakfast. Y’all will be proud to know that I made a delicious breakfast without burning anything (except two pieces of toast which doesn’t count).

By the way, thanks for all the comments on my last post! I was honestly hesitant to post it because I was so embarrassed/horrified about the outcome of what I did. None of you made me feel any worse about it so thanks! Some people are saying I should show him the message, but I deleted our message thread on Facebook and I don’t think I can get it back. I’m not sure if I should show him anyway because neither of us has talked about what happened since Thursday night. Do I really need to bring it back up? And how do I do that without pissing him off all over again? (I know, I know, we suck at communicating)

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shit shit shit.

On Thursday, Andrew wanted to have another touchbase phone call. He wanted an update about how my interviews were going, if I’d found any candidates on my own (I hadn’t) and when I would be available for travel – I told him at the beginning of January, just like Kate and I discussed.

On my way home, Brady texted me saying he was on his way over. It was only 4:45 which was extremely early for him, but I thought nothing of it. I got home and changed into a pair of shorts, a tank top, and a zip hoodie then made a drink and waited for Brady to get there. I buzzed him up when he called and unlocked the door so he could let himself him. I was sitting on the couch half listening to the news/SnapChatting when my door flew open and Brady stormed in. 

“What the fuck did you say to Jessica?” he demanded, looking absolutely furious.

Oh, shit. Shit shit shit.

“Um, nothing,” I said really quietly.

“Yes, you did!” Brady bellowed. I had never, ever seen him this mad before and I cowered into the couch. His face was turning red.

“Whatever you said really upset her and now everyone in the hospital knows what happened. Everyone! And she won’t talk to me so I have no idea what you said!”

I looked on with huge, scared eyes.

“What the fuck were you thinking? Do you think? I told you that you have nothing to worry about! Why did you even feel the need to say anything to her?”

I was silent. You know the really painful lump you get when you’re about to burst into tears? I had that and I tried to swallow it down. 

“I can’t fucking believe you. You go out of your way to embarrass me! You thrive on it!” Brady’s fists were balled up at his sides and I actually thought he might punch me. “Are you going to say anything or are you just going to sit there looking stupid?”

My mouth opened, but nothing came out. I was afraid that the moment I tried to say something I would start bawling.

“Let me see the message,” Brady said in the most normal voice he’d used all day. 

Oh God. The message. I couldn’t possibly let him read the belligerent and hateful message I’d sent her. He would never speak to me again.

“I deleted it,” I said in a voice that didn’t sound like my own.

“No you didn’t, Reese. Let me fucking read it,” Brady said and I could tell that his anger was coming back.

And that’s when I cried. I curled into a ball in the corner of the couch and cried so Brady couldn’t see me. I can’t handle this kind of confrontation. I literally just wanted to die.

I heard Brady walk a couple of steps and sigh as he sat down on the couch. When he didn’t say or do anything for a few minutes, I peeked through my arms and saw him sitting on the other end of the couch, staring straight ahead with his chin resting on his steepled fingers.

I must have fallen into some sort of crying coma because the next thing I remember is Brady gently tugging on the bottom of my hoodie. I pulled my hoodie away and tightened up in my ball.

“Reese,” Brady said. Then I felt him scoot closer to me and grab my arm to try to pull me out of my ball.

“Reese, look at me.”

I knew I probably had mascara smeared all over my face, but I still looked up at him.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Brady said. He wiped my cheek with his thumb. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you talking to her,” I heard myself say. “Or her talking to you. I want you to myself.”

“You have me to yourself. How many times do I have to tell you this?” His voice was gentle. “I don’t want anyone else, Reese.”

I sniffled.

Brady put an arm around me and I fell into him, my face resting on his cold jacket.

“Sorry,” I said.

“It’s okay,” Brady sighed and we were both silent for several minutes. I tried to piece together how everyone found out about Brady and Jessica because if my message. Unless she showed people? But I don’t see why she would unless she just wanted to incriminate herself. I bet all of Brady’s coworkers think I’m insane. Which is accurate.

Eventually we got up wordlessly and walked to my room. Brady took off his jacket, shoes and tie and got in bed. I got in after him and he pulled me on top of him. He pushed my hoodie off and tossed it on the floor.

I smiled, liking where this was going. I began slowly unbuttoning his dress shirt and then pulled it and his white undershirt off. I ran my hands over his smooth skin, my fingernails grazing his little chest tattoo, his subtle skinny boy abs and the purplish red hickey I’d left on his neck. I thought back to when we first met – when we had those innocent sleepovers where he explained why he couldn’t wear a shirt to bed.

It’s so crazy how things change. Remember when I first met Brady? I was so enamored with him. He was this successful pharmacist who used big words and liked to run and keep his condo clean. I tried so hard to pretend to be this perfectly put together girl who also ran and didn’t drink into her face fell off thinking that’s what he wanted. I kind of miss that.

“I love you,” I said abruptly. “Do you still want to meet my parents?”

“Yes. Do you want me to?” Brady replied.

I nodded happily.

“I like you like this,” he said.

I scrunched my nose. On top of him? With mascara all over my face? Horny? “Like what?” 

“You put on this front like you don’t care about anything so you’re abrasive and confrontational and mean. It’s like you’re afraid to show that you are capable of being emotionally invested in anything.”

I felt like he opened me up and read me like a book. I blinked.

“When you make yourself vulnerable you look so happy and carefree.”

I didn’t confirm or deny Brady’s psychological diagnosis of me and instead helped him finish getting undressed. He flipped me over so he could be on top and then we proceeded to have the best make up sex ever. It wasn’t like scratching, spanking, “Are you sure you’re sorry?” “Yes, please forgive me.”

It was like, “I love you,” “I love you more,” “Do you still want to marry me?” “Of course.”

Which is so not me.

So I was up all night thinking about what Brady said. I know it’s true, but I had no idea he could tell too. God. I’m such a trainwreck.

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can i message her?

Andrew called me just before noon on Monday. He didn’t tell me what he wanted to talk about, but I assumed it probably had something to do with the interviews. 

“Hey Reese!” he greeted me when I answered. “How’s your morning going?”

“Good,” I told him. “I have a lot I want to do before I leave this job so I’m pretty busy.”

“You’ll have time to do interviews this week though, won’t you?” Andrew asked, sounding concerned.

“Of course. I scheduled them so they won’t interfere with anything.”

“So you’re doing all of your interviews over the phone then?”

“Yes.” Did I have other options?

“Okay. What kinds of things are you going to ask the candidates?”

This caught me off guard. I’d printed off some stuff I found online like “twenty five common interview questions” and “retail manager interview questions” but I hadn’t even looked at them yet. My first interview wasn’t until that afternoon.

So I just bullshitted and told him that I would want to know about their work ethic, how their former supervisors would describe them and some other random questions I kind of remember from my internship interview (my “interview” with Diana consisted of us talking about our favorite shoe designers).

“Good,” Andrew said. “You ought to throw some behavioral questions in there. That’s the direction interviewing is going in these days.”

I rolled my eyes and said okay.

“And like I said, I want to have a team in place by Christmas and we can’t just hire these people over the phone. So I was thinking, you could fly out to Tennessee next Monday and start conducting some in person interviews and hopefully making some decisions. I will be there on Tuesday and we could both leave Wednesday. I assume your job gave you the week off for the holidays?”

I didn’t say anything. I’m going home next Tuesday and Wednesday is Brady’s birthday. No way am I missing that.

“Actually, I already have plans for next week. I’m flying to Texas to see my family on Tuesday,” I said.

“Would you be able to call the airline and change to fly to Texas out of Tennessee? That way you can still interview your own people. I’ll of course cover any additional charge.”

I considered lying and making up some sob story about why this wouldn’t work. I don’t want to be that girl who uses her boyfriend as an excuse, but I can’t help that I already have plans. And even if I didn’t, that’s Christmas Eve. Why would I want to be traveling for a job I technically haven’t even started yet?

“I can’t do that. I have to fly with my boyfriend. It’s his birthday and we have plans that I don’t want to deviate from,” I said, feeling like such a whiney bitch.

“Ah, the truth comes out,” Andrew said and I rolled my eyes. “So are you just expecting me to hire your people, Reese?”

I absolutely hated the way he said my name. “I don’t know what I expect. I guess I didn’t realize you would want me to travel next week before I made my plans. Sorry about that.” Why was I apologizing?

“Okay,” Andrew said, sighing frustratedly. “Well, I hope you and your boyfriend enjoy your vacation.”

Ugh. I wished I never would’ve mentioned having a boyfriend.

Kendra came over on Monday night. She’d hung out with that Eric guy over the weekend and apparently he tried to have sex with her. And she was not having it.

“Why are guys so fucking disgusting? I’ve known him like a week! What gave him the impression that I would have sex him? Do I look like a slut?” she cried.

I smirked. “I mean…”

“Shut up, Reese!” Kendra screamed. “Dating is hard. Where do the guys who aren’t just looking to hook up hang out?”

“Not at the bar,” I pointed out.

Kendra was silent for a moment then peeked up at me cautiously. “So, I have a confession.”

“Yes?” I thought she was going to say she let Eric eat her out or something. 

But Kendra said, “I called John. We are going to talk things over tomorrow night.”

I froze. “You what?”

“Before you yell, I don’t plan on taking him back or anything like that. I just want to hear him out. I haven’t really heard his side…”

“Kendra!” I calmly shouted. “His side?! He cheated on you! He had sex with someone else.”

“I know, but I know there must be an explanation…”

“His dick was in another girl’s pussy!” I yelled. “What other explanation do you need?” I know it was harsh, but Kendra sounded like she was softening. Like if John said the right thing, she would fall right back into his arms.

“Reese.” Kendra looked frustrated and tired. “I’m just going to give him the chance to talk. Then if I start acting irrationally, you can kill me.”

I told her okay. I know I originally wanted Kendra to talk to him, but I feel like now she’s not as mad and more likely to forgive. I mean, it’s her prerogative if she wants to forgive him, but as a friend I would encourage her not to.

After Kendra left I went to Brady’s. Chris was at work so we grabbed a blanket and went down to the basement to watch a movie. I told him about Andrew and how ridiculous and hard on me he’s being.

Brady said, “I think it’ll be good for you to have someone constantly challenging you. It doesn’t seem like your current boss does that very much.”

I gave him a blank stare. “Why would I want someone constantly challenging me?”

“If no one is ever challenging you then you won’t get better. You won’t learn anything or improve at your job,” Brady said.

That was a good point. Brady always sees the positive in everything. I wish I was more like that.

I laid my head in his lap and we watched something on Netflix. I was starting to doze off when I felt his phone vibrate on the arm of the couch. I couldn’t help peeking to see what/who it was. Imagine my horror when I saw Jessica’s name. She’d texted him, “Thanks. :)” with an emoji and everything. Brady didn’t make any moves to answer or touch his phone and I couldn’t see him to see if he saw it too. What the fuck was she thanking him for? Did she send him a nude and he complimented her so she was thanking him? Did she ask a work related question and he answered? I had so many theories.

But I wasn’t going to confront him. How many times did we have to go over this? I was exhausted of fighting about it. I told myself it was innocent and continued watching the rest of the movie. When it was over, Brady finally looked down at his phone and read Jessica’s message. Then he put his phone in his pocket. 

I wanted to say, “Don’t worry, I’ve already seen it,” but decided against it.

On Tuesday, I texted Brady in the morning asking if he wanted to go to lunch. I wanted to make my presence known since apparently Jessica thinks she’s back in. Brady said sure and would let me know what time he would be able to take a break. It turned out to be at 1:00 so at 12:30 I rushed out of the office to meet him. I told him I would just swing by and get him so he didn’t have to move his car. Before I got out to meet him inside the hospital, I reapplied my lip gloss and powder and made sure I looked perfect in case Jessica decided to show her face.

She didn’t and Brady and I had pasta and salads at a place nearby. Brady said he was “working late” so I spent the evening searching for gifts for him and organizing my interview notes to give to Andrew. Since apparently he will be doing my in person interviews, I wanted to let him know who my favorites were.

On Wednesday, I was supposed to meet Kendra and Carly for dinner and drinks. Kendra still needed to tell me how her talk with John went. Carly and I showed up at the same time so we snagged a table. We ordered sweet potato fries, spinach dip and vodka Redbulls.

Since I still hadn’t figured out what I wanted to get Brady for his birthday/Christmas, I asked Carly what she thought I should get him and what she was getting Chris. She said Chris told her exactly what he wanted so she really didn’t have to guess. Brady would just tell me he didn’t want anything. He’s so modest like that.

And then Carly said, “Oh yeah, I have something to tell you, but you have to promise not to say anything.”

“Okay. What is it?” I asked curiously.

“Seriously!” she exclaimed, leaning close to me and grabbing my arm. “You can’t tell Brady I told you. If you do, Chris will be pissed and never tell me anything again!”

“Okay, I won’t say anything!” Now I was anxious. What was this big secret she wanted to tell me? Obviously, I thought the worst and was already trying to figure out if Brady’s plane ticket to Houston was refundable.

“So Chris overheard Brady arguing with his mom about not coming home for the holidays. Well, maybe not arguing, but having a disagreement. After he hung up, Chris asked him about it and Brady said that his mom is upset because she thinks you’re controlling and you’re forcing him to spend the holidays with you. Chris asked me if I thought that was true.”

“Wha?” I uttered, unable to form words. Me, controlling? Yeah right! Brady insisted on spending his birthday and Christmas with me! If I’d known his mom wasn’t okay with it I would have never even asked.

“Don’t worry, I defended you. And Chris said he doesn’t think you’re controlling either and that Brady just really likes you.”

What kind of person does Brady’s mom think I am if she believes I would purposely try to keep him from his family? I’m not Dom! And didn’t Brady say that he didn’t spend the holidays with his family last year either? Was that my fault too?

Kendra showed up a few minutes later and I grilled her about her talk with John.

“It was fine,” she sighed. “It put a lot of things into perspective.”

“Like what?” I asked. 

“He opened up about how he’d been feeling the last few months of our relationship. I’d been trying so hard to excel at my career that I was kind of ignoring him.”

I glared. “Ignoring him?”

“Yeah. I wasn’t concerned about him and his life which is probably just as stressful as mine.”

“So that’s an excuse to cheat on you?” Carly clarified.

“No. Is that what I said?” Kendra snapped. “I just said it put things into perspective. I was working a lot, would come home and get in bed, and refuse to have sex with him.”

“You sound like you’re blaming yourself,” I pointed out, draining the rest of my drink. “None of this makes it okay for him to cheat on you.”

“I didn’t say it makes it okay!” Kendra was becoming visibly frustrated. “But I get it. You can’t just ignore your boyfriend and expect him to take it.”

“I don’t like the way this conversation is going,” I said. “If John felt like you were neglecting him, he should have broken up with you. Not cheated on you.”

Kendra’s eyes cut to me, blazing. “Yeah? Is that what you said every time [Nameless Ex] fucked another girl? Which was literally every single weekend.”

I didn’t say anything as the waitress placed another vodka Redbull in front of me. I took a gulp.

“Why would I take relationship advice from you? You don’t even know what a relationship is! Your first ‘boyfriend’ treated you like shit and was also dating every other girl in school. And now you have Brady wrapped around your finger and he’s like your little lovesick slave. So no offense, but you’re the last person I would take relationship advice from.”

Ouch. That stung. Kendra threw her menu down and stormed out before I could think of a response. But really, I just wanted to cry.

“Wow, that was mean,” Carly said quietly.

“It’s fine,” I said quickly.

We finished our drinks then I told her about Jessica texting Brady. “It could be innocent, but knowing her I doubt it was.”

“Wait, let me see what she looks like again. I forgot,” Carly said. 

I pulled up Jessica’s Facebook profile on my phone and let Carly look through her pictures.

“She’s pretty.” Carly held up my phone and picture of Jessica filled the screen. It was a semi professional headshot where Jessica was looking down and the wind was blowing her hair behind her. Carly saw the disapproving look I was giving her so she added, “I guess.”

“Can I message her?” I asked, snatching my phone back. I went back to Jessica’s main profile and clicked the message icon.

“And say what?” Carly’s eyes widened.

“I don’t know. Tell her to stay from Brady?” I typed, “Hey Jessica!”

“Okay, but be nice. You don’t want to make it awkward for him at work.”

Who gives a fuck if it’s awkward? They got themselves into the situation. I stared down at my phone as I waited for Jessica to respond. It said she was active fourteen minutes before so she was probably near her phone. And then the little green circle appeared. 

“She’s online,” I announced, excitedly.

“Oh my gosh, what are you going to say?”

The waitress brought us each another drink and we thanked her.

“I’m not sure yet. I’m waiting for her to respond.”

I looked back down at my phone and saw that she had messaged me back. 

“Hi Reese, how are you? I heard you and Brady are spending Christmas with your family. That sounds fun!!!”

I don’t know if it was the fact that she and Brady are obviously still discussing their personal lives, or the patronizing sounding message, or the big fight I’d just had with Kendra, or the four vodka Redbulls, but this girl was not prepared for the lashing I was about to give her.

“What are you saying, Reese?” Carly asked as I typed rapidly on my phone.

“Just politely telling her that Brady is taken,” I said two minutes later as I pushed send. I reread my message as it turned yellow and then white.

“Can you stop talking to him? I think it’s a little inappropriate for you to continue to push yourself onto him now that we are together. Just because you gave him one blow job and sent him multiple nude photos of yourself (which I have on standby if you want to keep this up) doesn’t mean he owes you anything. He’s expressed that he’s not interested in you whatsoever and that I don’t want you guys talking about non work related things. So now you’re just being rude. So if you don’t mind, please don’t talk to him, text him, smile at him, send him pictures of your huge tits, or suck his dick. Thanks Jessica!”

I stared at my phone and got excited when Facebook told me that she’d seen it. She started responding as Carly told me about Preston. I haven’t talked to Preston is a few days because he’s holing himself up in his apartment. Carly says he’s trying to repair his relationship with Mr. Murphy because he’s genuinely in love with him (his money), but Mr. Murphy isn’t really having it right now. Apparently he and Dillon are living together. Preston is devastated.

I looked down at my phone and it still said, “Typing…” She must have had a lot to say. I was kind of excited to see how she would respond to this. A couple minutes later she was still typing. I made a bet with myself that she was probably going to tell me that they’re still hooking up or something ridiculous. But then, she stopped typing and it appeared that she logged off. She never replied.

After Carly and I left the restaurant, I went to Brady’s. I waited in his room while he finished up some work then he joined me. I wanted to ask about his fight with his mom without letting him know what Carly told me.

“My parents are so excited to meet you. Are you sure your parents don’t mind you not spending Christmas with them?” I asked innocently.

“Yeah, it’s fine. They’re going to New York anyway,” Brady said, taking off his tie and crawling into the bed next to me. 

I pushed him back and climbed on top of him, straddling him. “You’re sure?”

“Mmhm.” Brady started unbuttoning the buttons of my DVF shirtdress. “Now that we’re older Christmas just isn’t the same. It isn’t a big deal.”

He pushed my dress off so I was just sitting there in my underwear.

“I’m really happy you want to come with me,” I said, making sure that he knew it was his decision and I wasn’t controlling  him.

“Me too,” Brady said. He looked at me for a few moments before smirking. “Come up here.”

I knew what that meant so I ditched my panties and climbed the length of his body until I reached his face. I straddled him and lowered myself onto his mouth then I grabbed fistfuls of his hair as he began gently sucking me.

Jesus Christ, this man knew what he was doing. Not even ten minutes later, my entire body was quivering as I yanked on Brady’s hair, about to come. He had his arms wrapped around my legs, trying to steady me because my hips were bucking like crazy. Brady moaned into me; he was enjoying this.

I threw my head back and lifted up a bit as I came. Have you ever had an orgasm that was so intense that you just needed to collapse and sleep afterwards? That was me. But Brady wrapped one arm around my waist and lowered me and used the other to unbuckle his pants. I couldn’t even sit up straight, but he still entered me and used his hips and arm to bounce me. I laid on top of him like a dead body. I can’t remember the last time an orgasm has knocked me out of commission like that.

But I didn’t want to be completely useless so with the little energy I had left, I stroked his hair and kissed his neck, ear and chin. When I felt him about to come, I started sucking on his neck hard, knowing it would leave a mark, but not caring.

“Uhh, Reese!” he groaned and the way he said my name made my female parts perk up again.

We laid there for a moment, still intertwined and trying to catch our breath. And then Brady whispered, “I love you so much.”

I smiled groggily to myself and squeezed his face against mine right before falling asleep.

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have i let myself go?

Since the trip to NYC was so last minute, I waited until the last minute to pack. I only packed my interview outfit, travel outfit and of course my entire makeup collection because I wasn’t sure what look I wanted to go for. Brady drove me to the airport and on the plane, I practiced some interview questions/worked on my Pinterest wedding/drank martinis. 

By the time I got to New York and checked into my hotel it was after midnight and I was exhausted. My interview was at 8:00 AM so I quickly showered and then fell sleep right away. 

I set my alarm for 6:00 on Saturday morning so I would have an hour to get ready and an hour to get to my interview. When my alarm went off, I seriously considered snoozing until 8:00 then skipping my interview and exploring the city for a few hours. It’s not like I’m dying for a new job anyway. I could tell Kate that I missed my flight and never made it to NYC, but thanks for the opportunity.

But I’m working on being a more responsible adult so I rolled out of bed, got dressed with my eyes closed and swiped on mascara and concealer. I was out the door by 6:50 so I had time to grab breakfast and a latte. Luckily, Kate was nice enough to book my hotel not far from the building where the headquarters are located and I was able to make it there walking, in less than thirty minutes.

The interview itself was pretty painless. I met with the vp of sales and the director of stores – two girls in their early 30s. One was tall and had on a very New York City outfit: black tights, oversized black tunic, steep black booties and eyeliner. The other woman was tiny and Asian and was the exact opposite of the first woman. She looked like an Easter basket with all her bright colors and jewelry. They asked me a bunch of behavior based questions which I’m super good at. As you guys may or may not know, I’m really good at telling stories. 

The taller woman was trying really hard to be intimidating and refused to smile or acknowledge my answers. The Asian girl was really nice though. After the interview, they took me on a tour of the office and I got to see the design suite and the little test store they use to plan the floorplan for all the other stores. It was all really cool. Then they started telling me about past sales directors who had since been promoted to cool jobs like the new store opening coordinator who travels opening the new stores and buyer who decides what things each store sells. And if you do get promoted they will fund your move to NYC. This got me excited. I could finally fulfill my dream of living in New York! The taller girl even said she used to be a sales director and just worked her way up. You would think that would make her more humble, but I guess not. 

As we were wrapping everything up, the Asian girl said, “It was so nice meeting you, Reese. I think you would be a great fit for our brand.”

I beamed. After visiting the headquarters and talking to them about the possibilities for growth, I could really see myself working for the company. They are so much more in touch with current fashion trends and technology. As much as I try to get my company more on trend, Dave and Diana like to stick to what they know – which is muted colors and bland silhouettes. They don’t even understand why we need an iPhone app.

But then the taller girl decided to piss on my parade. “If we decide to move forward with you, you’ll be contacted by Kate. If not, thanks for your time.”

Bitch.

After the interview I had to run back to the hotel and book it to the airport to make my flight home. I really wished I had time to explore especially because there were so many cute boutiques on the way to my hotel.

I slept the entire flight home and Brady was waiting for me at the airport. It was like back to reality.

“How did it go?” Brady asked on the way home.

“Fine,” I sighed. “One of the interviewers was kind of a bitch so I probably won’t get it.”

He told me not to think negatively and he thinks I probably will get an offer, etc. I didn’t want to tell him how much I was actually hoping for an offer so that way if one didn’t come, I could pretend I didn’t care. 

But whatever. All I really wanted to do was eat and have sex with my boyfriend. We stopped and got food then took it to Brady’s to eat. I asked him what he did Friday night and he told me that he and Chris “stayed home.”

After we ate, I forced Brady into his room and had my way with him. Not that it took much. After that I made Brady come with me shopping. He’s never been shopping with me and I think being a good shopping partner is  a vital relationship requirement. I need a man who will be involved, but not too involved, who will endorse all of my purchases, who will not try to make sense of my shopping strategy and most importantly, who will carry my shopping bags and/or purse.

By the time we made it to Nordy’s, I had accumulated four bags and Brady suggested we stop and put them in the car. I spun around; giving him a pitying smile. What a newb. 

“We can’t drop anything off yet,” I explained, gently. “I might need to match things before I buy them so we have to keep it all with us.”

Brady gave me a weird look, but said okay. I did a quick lap around Nordstrom and picked up a pair of booties, a scarf, a pair of sunglasses, a watch and a dress that I’ll probably return.

After we left Nordstrom, the annual lights parade was happening and I insisted we stay and watch it because sometimes I’m a child. It ended soon after that so I missed the majority of it.

There was a really happy atmosphere in the city on Saturday evening. I don’t know if it was from the parade or all the tourists visiting or the fact that it wasn’t blisteringly cold, but I texted all my friends and insisted we get dressed up and go to the club.

Carly and Kendra came over to pregame and I decided to wear a black dress, So Kates, and red lipstick. We took Uber to the club and Brady and Chris met us there.

When Brady saw me he said, “Wow, you look really beautiful.”

Lol, what a nerd. I feel like he hardly ever compliments me anymore so I took it. Maybe I’ve let myself go since getting in a relationship. Doesn’t that happen to people?

Somehow I got us a complimentary table in VIP by talking to a bartender and the manager told us to order whatever we wanted. Don’t mind if I do. I ordered us a bottle of rosé and bottles of top shelf tequila and vodka.

I told myself that I wasn’t going to get drunk, but I got drunk. Kendra and Carly did too so we ran around and danced. There’s just nothing like drinking on someone else’s tab. While we were down on the main dance floor, we ran into Derrick and another one of our friends from college, Ronnie.

I momentarily forgot about the falling out Derrick and I had and ran over to them and pulled them into hugs.

“Oh my God, Ronnie!” I screamed, using my Sammi Sweetheart accent.

Ronnie used to have house parties almost every single night in college. He was friends with me and also my ex and we would have so many drunk heart to hearts. He was the number one supporter of our relationship. 

“Reese! We were just talking about you!” Ronnie said.

“What did you say?” I asked, glaring at Derrick. 

“I was thinking about texting you and asking you to come out tonight,” Ronnie said. “But you’re here anyway so it worked out.”

I smiled and invited them to our table. On the way there, Derrick fell into step next to me and said, “How have you been?”

I can’t lie, I was impressed that even after the falling out we had, he was still being nice and cordial.

We got to our table and I introduced everyone to Ronnie. I ordered us another bottle meanwhile hoping that “order whatever you want” meant that it was on the house. I never actually clarified that with the manager.

We all sat down and I leaned over to Ronnie to catch up. He lives in LA now and was just visiting Chicago for the weekend. I’m actually kind of offended that he didn’t text me and let me know beforehand because I thought we were friends. But whatever.

We were having a pleasant conversation and then Ronnie said, “You know, [ex whose name I refuse to say, type, or think] has been asking about you lately. He misses you.”

My blood stopped pumping and I’m sure my entire face went white. “What?”

“We see each other two or three times a week because our offices are a block from each other. Don’t you want to talk to him?” Ronnie continued.

I started to say, “Why would I want to talk to him?” but I only got to “Why-” before I started sobbing.

Brady was sitting on the other side of me and immediately put his arm around me and asked what was wrong. When I didn’t answer, he looked at Ronnie and said, “What did you do to her?”

I heard Derrick say, “She’s fine. She’s drunk. She cries about everything when she’s drunk.”

True.

“What did I do?” Ronnie asked, sounding genuinely confused. Poor guy.

“Nothing. She’s being dramatic,” Derrick said.

“Fuck off,” Brady said and my head jerked toward him, shocked. Brady is usually so laidback and non-confrontational.

“It’s fine,” I sniffled, trying to smooth over the situation. I looked around for Kendra and Carly. “I need to go to the bathroom.”

I stood up and grabbed them then forced them to go the bathroom with me. They both started touching up their makeup and hair while I explained to them what Ronnie said.

“Do you think he really misses me?” I asked.

Kendra spun around, slapping Carly in the face with her weave. “Who gives a fuck if he misses you? That piece of trash deserves to be single and miserable forever.”

My eyes grew wide. 

“Seriously, fuck him. I can’t believe you’re even pretending to care. You have an amazing boyfriend who is in love with you.”

I felt more tears forming. Kendra was totally right. Why was I even entertaining the fact that [redacted] claims he misses me? He’s probably just lonely.

I cleaned myself up then skipped back out there. I couldn’t wait to hug my boyfriend and plan our drunk future.

“Hi baaaabe,” I squealed, jumping on Brady’s lap. I planted a kiss on him, leaving my lipstick all over his lips. It was cute.

“You okay?” he asked.

“So I’ve been thinking,” I said excitedly. “I wouldn’t mind moving to Massachusetts. It seems peaceful.”

“Really?”

Brady seemed happy that I am willing to settle down with him in Massachusetts and we were right in the middle of designing our peaceful little cabin in the woods when Ronnie appeared in front of us.

“It was good seeing you, Reese,” he said. “Maybe we can catch up tomorrow or something.” And then he looked at Brady for approval like he’s some sort of controlling boyfriend. Lol! 

I didn’t end up meeting Ronnie before he went home, but I did text him apologizing for my tantrum (if that’s what you want to call it) and assured him that it wasn’t his fault. If anyone kind of understands, it’s Ronnie. He was there for the entire fucked up relationship.

On Monday night, Kate called me.

“Hey, love,” she said in her super cute accent. “How did your interview go?”

“I don’t know,” I said, honestly. “I left feeling really indifferent.”

“They loved you,” she revealed.

“Really?” I asked, surprised. “Even the tall girl?”

“They both did. Josie [the Asian girl] raved about you all day and asked where I found you. Honestly, I think you got it.”

Wow. Even though an offer hadn’t been officially made, I was already feeling nauseous at the thought of having to decide if I was going to take it.

“I know you’re probably so sick of interviews, but there’s one more person I want you to meet,” Kate said.

She explained that she wanted me to meet with the guy who would be my immediate boss. He is in charge of the region I would be taking over and another region. Kate said that it wouldn’t really be a formal interview, but just kind of a casual meeting to make sure that we are on the same wavelength since we would be working together. He will be in Chicago on Friday and she said she gave him my number so he is going to call me to set up a time and place.

After I hung up with Kate, I called my mom. I hadn’t told her about the possible new job at all, but now that an offer might be in the cards, I wanted to know what she thought.

She answered the phone and proceeded to tell me that one of her friends showed her pictures of me on Facebook from over the weekend and she wanted to know how I got my hair like it was. So I had to explain to her that I used a curling wand and that she actually has a curling wand at home that she never uses. My mom is so exhausting. 

Finally, I explained to her the job situation and asked her what I should do.

“If they offer you more money, take it!” she said without missing a beat.

“What about my current job? And Diana?” I asked.

“Oh babe, Diana doesn’t expect you to be there forever. You’re young. This is the time where you can hop from job to job until you find something you like. I had thirty jobs when I was in college.”

“Mom, I’m not in college. I can’t just job hop. And I like my job. That’s the problem. Should I risk leaving the job I like for a job I only think I would like better?”

“I don’t think you should pass up an opportunity like this,” my mom said.

Then she started complaining about how my dad has been spending a lot of time at work lately and in fact, he wasn’t even home yet. Then he came home and she hung up.

So I guess I’ll just meet with the guy on Friday and see what happens. I figured when they wanted to fly me to New York that I probably already had it, but still. You never know.

My parents haven’t mentioned coming for Thanksgiving any more so I’m not counting on it. Everyone is going to be here in the city for the holiday so we’re going to have a big Friendsgiving feast at Brady and Chris’s. Kendra is going to do most of the cooking obviously, but Carly and I will help.

I hope y’all have a happy Thanksgiving! ❤

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sober tears.

On Monday I had my phone interview and it went really well. So well in fact, that not even an hour after it was over Kate texted me saying, “I heard your interview went well!”

She said the execs in the office want to meet me and asked if I could come to New York City early next week. While I was excited that they wanted to meet me, I can’t just take off work and fly to New York City. I told her that I could go, but it would have to be a weekend. I didn’t hear from her for a few hours so I continued working and kind of forgot about it until Kate called me on my cell phone.

I shut my office door and answered it.

“Hey Reese. I know this is kind of last minute, but we were thinking – we could fly you in on a Friday night red eye, then have the interview Saturday morning and you could be on your way back home by Saturday afternoon,” Kate said.

I didn’t say anything right away. It all seemed kind of rushed. Why were they so thirsty to meet me? I mean, not that I’m complaining. It just seems really fast.

“I know this process is moving fast, but we are trying to get this position filled quickly as the holidays are approaching and this new shop opening,” she explained, as if reading my mind.

“Okay… Let me think about it,” I said. I hadn’t spent any time really, really thinking about if this was even a job I wanted. When Kate explained it to me, it did sound interesting, but I didn’t know if that was enough to make me want to travel all the way to New York City for an interview. I told her I would text her later and let her know.

After work, I went to the fitness class with Kendra and Carly. It was a lot less terrible than last time, but I still regretted going after the first ten minutes of being there. I’m never going back.

On Tuesday, Brady and I got dinner then went back to his place afterwards. I hadn’t told Brady about the potential new job at all aside from the initial conversation Kate and I had at his dad’s party and I wanted to get his take on it. I had tentatively told Kate that I would go to NYC, but I told her I would get back to her after I checked my weekend schedule. I obviously don’t have a weekend schedule except to drink.

I told Brady all about it during dinner and he said, “I don’t see anything wrong with exploring other options. As long as it isn’t affecting your current job. It was responsible of you to schedule your interview for a weekend so you won’t cut into your work.”

I didn’t mention to him that my phone interview was two and a half hours during the workday and I took it from my office. Oops.

He said that until I got an offer, I shouldn’t stress about it. Not that I was stressing or anything. I guess if nothing else, it’s a free trip to New York.

When we got to Brady’s house, he got in the shower while I laid on the bed texting Kate and Preston. Preston was telling me a story about how while he was out with Dillon the other night, Mr. Murphy called him and said he was in the neighborhood and wanted to pick Preston up from his apartment. Preston tried to lie and say he was at work and Murph was like, “Your store closes at 8. Why are you still there?”

So Preston made up this elaborate story about how there was a shoplifter and the police had to come and he had to stay and give a statement, etc. I laughed so hard. Couldn’t he just say there was a meeting or something? 

While I was laying there, I noticed Brady’s phone sitting on the nightstand charging. I tried to talk myself out of touching it, but that didn’t work. I don’t know what I was looking for, but I leaned over and took it off the charger. Before when I looked through his phone, all I had to do was slide to unlock it. But apparently he is actually using his touch ID and a passcode so I couldn’t get in. Okay, like I get it. I shouldn’t have been trying to look through his phone, but still. What’s he hiding?

I replaced the phone and minded my own business until he got out of the shower. I waited until he was almost all the way dressed before asking, “What’s your ex-girlfriend’s name?”

Brady’s entire body paused for two or three seconds then he continued pulling his shirt on.

“Anna,” came his muffled voice from under his shirt. Once he got his shirt on he turned his back to me and started touching stuff on his dresser.

“Anna?” I said, almost excitedly. “The same one I saw you talking to at your dad’s party?”

Brady turned around and faced me. “Yeah.” He sounded defensive. 

“Oookay. So it hasn’t been ‘a while’ since you’ve seen your ex then,” I said, trying really hard not to sound accusatory.

Brady shrugged.

“Why did you lie?”

“I don’t see why it even matters. I hardly ever talk to her or see her so you don’t have anything to worry about,” he said, gruffly.

“I’m not worried. I just think it’s weird that you didn’t introduce me to her and failed to mention that she was your ex and then lied about the last time you’ve seen her,” I said.

“Okay.”

Okay?! Is there anything worse than when you’re having a discussion and/or argument with your boyfriend and he says, “Okay.” Like fuck you.

“That’s all you have to say?” I asked. “No explanation?”

“What do you want me to say, Reese? You were going to flip out on me no matter what!” Brady said, raising his voice.

“If you told me the truth from the beginning, why would I flip out on you? Do you really think I’m that ridiculous?”

Brady didn’t say anything so I took that as a yes.

“I couldn’t care any less about Anna. I have no reason to flip out over you just talking to her,” I said calmly.

“Well, you’re pretty unpredictable sometimes,” Brady muttered. I watched as he opened the door and left the room.

Before I could even stop myself, I just started crying. Ugh. Sober tears. I felt like I really approached him calmly and not accusingly, but obviously that didn’t work. I was so frustrated. For once, I felt like I actually wasn’t in the wrong. I didn’t want Brady to see me crying so I quickly locked myself in the bathroom to clean myself up. After ten minutes, I’d pulled myself together and emerged from the bathroom. Brady was sitting on the edge of the bed.

“I think I’m going to go,” I announced.

“I’m sorry,” Brady said.

“Okay…” I said quietly.

He reached out his hand and without even thinking, I took it. He pulled me on the bed next to him.

“I should have introduced you to Anna,” Brady said. “I’ll take full responsibility for that. I guess I just wanted to avoid any awkwardness.”

I nodded.

“You’ve known that she was my ex the whole time, haven’t you?” he asked.

I nodded again, smirking.

“How?”

Oh…shit. 

“Your mom told me,” I blurted out. I was not about to admit to stalking his Facebook.

“Wow, she did?” Brady looked confused.

“Mmhm,” I nodded.

So I’m glad I finally confronted him about Anna and I feel like I got some answers. I’m sure there was a more graceful way to bring the subject up, but I’m anything but graceful. lol. 

Anway, I guess I’m going to New York City for a few hours this weekend. Also, my parents are talking about visiting me for Thanksgiving next week. Maybe they can finally meet Brady! We will see. They claim they’re going to visit all the time and never do. Hmph.

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shake it off.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday I was swamped at work since I was in charge of the entire office while Dave and Diana were gone. Nothing crazy really happened, but it seemed like everyone suddenly had all these random ass questions that I didn’t have the answers to. I winged it though and nothing blew up so I think we’re good.

On Wednesday evening, I wanted to let loose from my serious week so I met Kendra, Preston and Dillon for dinner and drinks. I got a baby caeser and a huge pitcher of sangria for the table and immediately chugged an entire glass. Kendra was groaning about how stressful her job has become and now she’s questioning being a lawyer all together and Preston, being Preston, calmed her down in his soothing Kris Jenner voice. Then he ordered us all shots.

Brady texted me at around 7:30 when he got off and I invited him. Dillon started telling us about how he recently met a modeling scout who wants him to do a nude test shoot this weekend. I told him that it sounds sketchy, but he assured me that it is completely legit. I let him know that I want to see the photos when he’s finished though.

By the time Brady arrived, I was tipsy, but not quite drunk.

“Oh my God, hiiiiiii!” I squealed, jumping up to hug him. 

We sat down and I poured him a glass of sangria while I filled him in on what we were talking about.

“So does posing nude seem normal for a first time test shoot?” I asked.

“I’m not familiar with that industry so I’m not sure,” Brady answered. I rolled my eyes at his politically correct answer. Just agree with me.

For the next half an hour we drank and talked about random stuff. I excitedly asked everyone if they heard about how the US Ebola patient had died and the extreme precautionary measures they were taking to dispose of his body. Kendra asked me to stop because it was making her lose her appetite. Rude.

I was complaining to Brady about my week when the host led a group of three older people to the table next to us. One of the men called Brady’s name.

“Hello!” Brady stood up to greet him. They all shook hands and then Brady introduced me to one of the lead surgeons from the hospital and his wife who is a nurse at the hospital.

“Wow Brady, you’ve really done well for yourself, huh?” the surgeon, George, said and he nudged Brady and winked at me.

Brady shrugged all sheepishly and I stood there like a trophy wife while they talked for a little bit. George kept trying to bring me into the conversation which was nice, but sometimes I’m better seen than heard (I’m sure we can all agree).

We sat back down and ordered more drinks and food. Kendra, Preston, Dillon and I were talking and laughing really loudly and George kept leaning over to our table to comment and laugh with us. I was sitting closest to him so I was getting most of his attention and I could smell on his breath that he had enjoyed some adult beverages himself. George kept saying my name and commenting on how I was eating my zucchini fries. If our significant others weren’t sitting on either side of us, I would think he was actually flirting with me. Definite creepy old man vibe.

At one point after I was drunk, I was taking a selfie with Brady on my phone. I started reviewing the picture and George said, “You don’t want to take a picture with me, Reese?”

I giggled and turned the camera back on to take a picture with him. As soon as I snapped the picture, he turned his head to kiss me on the cheek. Ew. Too far.

That “Shake It Off” song by Taylor Swift came on and Dillon screamed, “This is my fucking jam!”

He stood up and grabbed Preston and me and we ran to the little dance floor in the restaurant. On weekend nights, the place turns into a bar/club, but this was Wednesday so no one was dancing. Except us. Yolo. 

I don’t know how, but I knew every word to that ridiculous ass song. I can’t even remember hearing it more than one time prior to this incident. Brady had his back to me and was talking to George, who was watching us. As the song was ending I skipped back to our table and shook it off a little bit in front of George before sitting back down between him and Brady.

About half an hour later, Kendra decided she had to go so we started wrapping our evening up.

“I took the el here, can I go home with you?” I purred in Brady’s ear.

“Sure,” he said, not looking at me.

George insisted on hugging me before we left since we are besties now and his wife gave me a tight smile. She probably needs to keep him on a tighter leash.

The ride to Brady’s was silent, but I didn’t notice/care because I was too busy SnapChatting and Facebooking.

When we got inside and to his room, Brady said, “Are you even going to apologize for what you just did?” 

“Whaaattt?” I whined, looking at him in utter confusion. What I did? 

“You embarrassed me,” he said.

“I was just having fun!” I said innocently.

“Of course you were. Do you care about anything or anyone besides yourself?”

I opened my mouth to say something, but I actually didn’t have an answer to that.

“I don’t even know what the fuck goes on in your head sometimes.”

“Umm, ooookay,” I said slowly. I don’t like being on the receiving end of a confrontation. Especially when drunk. The tears were already threatening to form. “I guess I’m going to leave.”

“Yeah, maybe you should,” Brady said hastily.

I spun on my heel and marched out, but it wasn’t until I got outside that I realized I didn’t have my car. I thought about going back inside and apologizing so I could pass out in Brady’s warm bed, but that’s just not me. I trekked to the bus stop and went home to cry.

And no, we haven’t talked since.

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what a fail.

On Tuesday I decided that I was going to make dinner for Brady. I don’t ever cook, but I thought it would be a nice gesture. I found a recipe for homemade ravioli on Pinterest that didn’t seem too complicated and made a grocery list for after work.

$170 later, I headed home with all the ingredients I needed (including a pastry wheel, a rolling pin, and a bottle of wine). I started with the pasta dough which seemed fairly easy – pour the flour on a flat surface, make a “well” for the egg yolks, oil and milk, mix.

Well, it didn’t work out like that. I didn’t want to touch the raw eggs with my bare hands so I tried to use a spoon. That obviously didn’t work. My dough came out super runny. I added more flour but it ended up crumbling into pieces. I tried again and decided that I would follow the recipe exactly by using my hands. I sucked it up and mixed the dough with my hands, but again it came out runny (later found out that I read the recipe wrong and should’ve added more flour, of course).

At this point, I was annoyed and decided I would start on the filling then come back to the dough. I was making a spinach and mozzarella filling and the first step was to wilt the spinach down with olive oil and garlic. Easy enough. I added the garlic and olive oil and then dumped the entire bag of spinach in the pan. My mom called and I excitedly told her about the meal I was making. I knew she would be proud.

She started telling me about how one of my favorite teachers from high school is under investigation for having sex with one of his students. I was shocked and realized that could have so easily been me. I flirted with him endlessly my junior and senior years because he was hot plus math was really hard. He never really budged or showed any interest (except buying a ton of cookie dough from me during our fundraiser for new uniforms). Maybe I just wasn’t hot enough for him to hook up with.

I was so engrossed in the conversation with my mom that I forgot all about the spinach on the stove until I smelled burning garlic. The pan was smoking so I told my mom I had to call her back. The majority of the spinach was black and burned with the garlic. How does that even happen?

By then, Brady was due in thirty minutes and my ravioli was nowhere near being done. What a fail. I knew that I had to cook something so I decided to stick with what a know how to make: grilled cheese. Plus that was all I really had time for. I had fresh mozzarella left from my ravioli disaster so I used it to make two sandwiches. I plated them with vintage Hermès plates with a basil leaf garnish. Chicest grilled cheese ever.

I buzzed Brady in and the first thing he said was, “Did you burn something?”

Ugh. Definitely should’ve opened a window.

“Are you ready to eat?” I asked, ignoring his question.

“Mmm, yes. What did you make?” Brady said.

I led him to my tiny table and chairs. “Gourmet grilled cheese!” I squealed.

“Looks great.” Brady went to sit down, but I yelled for him to stop.

“I need to take a picture for Instagram,” I explained.

He waited patiently while I uploaded the photo of our food and wine (and my fabulously decorated table) with the caption “Made dinner for bae.” I immediately got several likes.

After we ate, we were still hungry so we made pizza rolls. I poured us more wine and we took it along with our pizza rolls and Oreos to the couch. We started watching some baseball game and stayed up talking until 1:00 AM. 

On Wednesday, I hung out with Preston and Dillon. We went to this natural tea place Preston has been dying to try and all their drinks are named stuff like “Happiness” and “Purity.” I got “Tranquility” because obviously that’s what I need in my life.

We sat outside and I told them about my latest bout of craziness with Brady. Preston obviously laughed for several minutes then gave Dillon a brief overview of my relationship with Brady.

“Poor guy. He has no idea what he’s gotten himself into,” Preston said, wiping his laughter tears away.

“I’ve decided that I’m going to let myself be vulnerable though. I think I’ve been so crazy with him because I have a guard up,” I said.

“Good for you,” Preston said and his face turned serious. “I don’t think he has any intention to hurt you, love bug. And if he does, just know that you have amazing friends who will help you slash his tires and hack into his Facebook.”

I laughed because that was true. You don’t even want to know what kind of trouble my friends and I got into in college.

Dillon spent the rest of the evening telling me his life story which would have been really annoying if it wasn’t completely entertaining. He said he’s 19 and moved here from San Diego. His house burned down two years ago and apparently his family’s insurance didn’t cover all the losses so they had to dip into his college fund and now he has no money to go to school. So tragic. He’s hoping to break into acting and dance and has been an extra in those awful Step Up movies. He moved to Chicago because of the theater opportunities and was homeless for his first few months here. Luckily he met a kind person who not only helped him pay for school, but also gave him a place to live. What a wonderful story.

I texted Brady while I was out and asked if he wanted to come over. He said he was working late so I invited Preston and Dillon over. I couldn’t help checking Jessica’s Facebook to see if she checked in anywhere or tagged Brady in anything. She didn’t. Is it unhealthy that I do that? I’ve been checking her page obsessively the last few days and all I see are pictures of her and her friends. I thought about deleting her, but then I won’t catch it if she does tag Brady in something.

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i’m pregnant.

On Monday, I was actually busy at work. Dave and Diana are going on a business trip next Monday through Wednesday and someone is going to have to run the office. So Diana forwarded me the how-to manual on the office operations and I took some time to read through it. After a few hours I started feeling like my eyes were crossing from reading so much. I pulled out my phone to check Pinterest, SnapChat, Facebook, Twitter, etc.

Mark had texted me a listing for a condo he thought I would love and asked if I wanted to see it soon. It was a gorgeous updated high rise, but it was a studio and I have way too much shit for a studio. I told him to keep looking.

I logged onto Facebook and the first thing that came up on my newsfeed was a location check-in from Jessica.

“Lunch with my favorite people,” she said and tagged three people including Brady. I almost dropped my phone.

It was from five minutes prior so I knew they were probably still eating. I couldn’t believe it. Brady assured me that he was no longer speaking to her. Why were they going on lunch dates together? Clearly, he lied and they probably never stopped talking or hanging out. Before I could stop myself, I dialed Brady’s number on my office phone. I had to get to the bottom of this ASAP. 

He didn’t answer and I assumed it was because he didn’t recognize the number. I called him again from my cell phone and it went to voicemail after only two rings. RUDE. He obviously ignored my phone call on purpose. What if it was an emergency? I could be dying! I felt my body shaking with anger. 

I texted him, “I’m pregnant.” and sat my phone down to continue working. I giggled when he called back three minutes later (which is actually a long time to wait to check in on your unborn child’s mother). 

I obviously didn’t answer and instead texted, “Can’t talk, I’m super busy right now.”

“You’re pregnant?” Brady asked immediately.

“Yes,” was all I said back. I felt kind of evil for lying to him, but I would tell him the truth after I got some answers about Jessica. He needed to be punished. 

“Can you please step out or something so we can talk?” Brady asked.

Before I could tell him no, my office phone rang and Diana asked me to meet her in Dave’s office so we could go over some things. They spent an hour going over the troubleshooting guide just in case anything crazy happens while they are gone. I mean I get it, they want to be prepared, but I’ve run the office plenty of times while they both were out. Things will be fine.

After that, Dave wanted to take us out for drinks and obviously we didn’t object. I was so thirsty for free drinks that I completely forgot about my phone and telling Brady I was pregnant. By the time we got back to the office it was 4:30. I had two missed calls and several text messages.

“Answer the phone please.”

“Reese.”

“Seriously. I’m freaking out here.”

I felt terrible and decided I would come clean and give him an amazing blow job later.

“Let’s talk later,” I texted back and wrapped up for the day.

Brady called at around six when he got off and asked to come over. I said sure. When he got there, I buzzed him in and opened the door when he knocked.

“You’re off early today,” I said, hugging him.

“Yeah,” was all he said.

We pulled away and I gave Brady my most innocent smile. I hoped he wouldn’t be pissed.

“Are you really pregnant?” he asked me.

I waited a few seconds before saying, “No.”

Brady let out a deep breath. “Then why did you say you were?” He sounded frustrated – almost whiney – but not particularly mad. 

“So you went to lunch with Jessica? You said you haven’t talked to her. Sounds like you guys are great friends to me,” I said in an accusatory voice. 

“A lot of people went, not just the two of us. I didn’t talk to her.”

“Okay.” I wanted to press the issue, but I didn’t want to come off as an insecure brat like Saturday night.

“Why did you lie, Reese? I told my brother and I’m sure he’s already told my mom.”

Oops.

“Sorry,” I said meekly. I actually really did feel bad. His mother would probably disown him.

“It’s okay,” Brady sighed, but I knew it wasn’t.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that Jessica tagged you on Facebook and you guys haven’t talked in three weeks?” I asked.

“Kind of, yes.”

“You haven’t talked to her in three weeks, right?”

“Reese, it’s hard. We work primarily on the same floors and she’s very persistent. I do my best to avoid her.”

What?

“So you guys never stopped talking?” I clarified.

“I told her that you would prefer if she and I didn’t talk anymore and at first, she respected that. The only time she would talk to me was about work related matters. Then she started back asking how my weekend was and stuff like that. I can’t be rude.”

I nodded. So is that why Jessica added me on Facebook – so she could tag Brady in statuses and brag that they are still friends? Cool. 

“Do you want to get dinner?” Brady asked and I nodded. I slipped on my Prada flats, grabbed a jacket and followed Brady out the door.

We went to a bar and grill near my apartment and got beer and appetizers to share. By the time I finished my first beer, Brady was on his third. I hope I’m not driving him into a drinking problem. I know I’m a handful.

When we got back to my apartment I put a movie in and we snuggled.

“Reese, I don’t want Jessica to continue to cause conflict between us,” Brady said out of nowhere. “I’m not interested in her romantically or sexually at all.”

“…Okay,” I started.

“I love everything about you. I only want you right now,” he continued.

Right now? What did that mean?

“I wish you would trust my word on that. I think you’re still punishing me for not being upfront about her. Everyday you have a new issue with me and it seems like there’s nothing I can about it.”

When he said that I really felt bad. Brady completely trusts me and doesn’t seem to be guarding his emotions. At any moment I could rip his heart right out of his chest and stomp it to pieces. Isn’t he afraid of that? I am. That’s why I’m so guarded. But if he’s making himself vulnerable and I’m not, that isn’t fair.

So I’ve decided that I’m going to stop being a psychopath and let myself love him. I mean, I’m going to try. I think he deserves that much.

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three generations of me.

My flight left Chicago at 3:30 on Friday afternoon so I just took the entire day off. Since Carly was off too she agreed to take me to the airport and we stopped to get lunch beforehand. I asked her about the wedding and she said that Chris invited her so she planned on going. Cool. Glad I was left out of those plans. We ended up getting margaritas and getting a little tipsy because why not? 

Except while I was using the bathroom at the airport I dropped my Eddie Borgo bracelet in the toilet after I peed and had to stick my hand in and fish it out. #notsorry and #dontjudge. 

Luckily I slept it off and felt great by the time we landed a little after 6:00. My parents were supposed to pick me up and I couldn’t wait to see them. I called my dad when I got there and he informed me that he was waiting outside my terminal, but my mom was shopping in the gift shop. Of course. I claimed my bag then went and met my dad. After we hugged, we spent twenty minutes looking for my mother. 

We finally found her coming out of duty free with two shopping bags in her hand.

“Oh my God! Look at my baby!” she cried and dropped her bags to hug me.

If there is anyone in the world who is more over the top than me, it’s my mother.

“Hi Mom,” I said.

She pulled away and gave me a once over. “You look too thin. Have you been eating?”

“Of course!” I beamed. Even if it was just my mom, I loved that someone was accusing me of not eating.

“And your hair is getting so long. You look so beautiful!” She hugged me again.

We headed outside and my mom said she had a surprise. I was so excited thinking it might be a Chanel bag or something that benefitted me. Instead, we got out to the parking lot and she led us to a brand new BMW X6.

“I got a new car!” my mom exclaimed.

“Why?” I asked. Her previous BMW was still fairly new and in great condition.

“Well, it was time and I’ve been eyeing this one. Isn’t it great?” 

I turned to my dad. “Daddy, you let her get this?”

My dad shrugged. “I had nothing to do with this.”

“When you got a new car, I got inspired. Isn’t it perfect? Get in!”

On the way home, she rambled on about all the features and how much she loved her new car. Super obnoxious. Didn’t she want to know about me?! I had so much to tell her.

Our house is in a planned community just north of downtown Houston and I was so nostalgic when I saw my childhood home – a modern but charming, 4/3.5 on a cul-de-sac. So many good ass memories there. I dropped my stuff off in my old bedroom which my mom has turned into her spare closet and makeup room. My dad told us he had an important call to make so he hid out in his little office while my mom and I sat around the kitchen island with wine.

“So I have a bomb to drop on you,” I said.

My mom gasped. “You’re pregnant.”

“No, Mom! God!” I scoffed giving her a dirty look. Of course that was the first thing she assumed. She is so dramatic.

“You’re moving back home?” she guessed again.

“No.”

“You wrecked your car?”

“No, Mom. Why don’t you just let me tell you?” 

“Okay, fine.”

I took a sip of wine to keep the suspense going a little longer. Then I said, “I have a boyfriend.”

My mom gasped louder than when she thought I was pregnant. “You have a what?”

“A boyfriend,” I repeated.

My mom looked at me and smiled, almost like she was proud. “Well, who is he? What’s his name?” 

“His name is Brady. He’s a pharmacist from Massachusetts,” I said. I felt so dorky trying to describe him. “Carly is dating his roommate which is how we met.”

My mom’s hand flew to her heart, like she was falling in love with him. “Do you have a picture?”

My favorite picture of Brady and me is one Carly took on the night we all got high. I wondered if my mom would be able to tell that I was blazed. Whatever. Even if she could tell, she couldn’t judge – she told me that she occasionally smokes weed when she goes out with her college friends.

I pulled up the picture on Facebook and showed her.

“Oh, he’s very cute,” she said. “Or should I say ‘hot?’ You look so happy!”

Oh, I was real happy that night. 

“How long has this been going on?” my mom wanted to know.

“Not long. But I’ve already met his parents.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Really? What are they like?”

“They’re okay. His mom is the CEO of a hospital and his dad is like a state rep or something. They didn’t like me after I told them I voted for Obama.”

“You voted for Obama?” my mom asked, giving me a disapproving look.

“No! I just told them that because I thought that’s who I thought they voted for. I didn’t vote at all,” I explained.

“Okay good.” She looked relieved. “I’m so excited, darling. Are you guys going to get engaged? Married?”

“I don’t know, Mom!” I shouted. “Why are you jumping to conclusions? We just started dating.”

“It’s becoming time for you to settle down, babe. That’s all I’m saying. Does your dad know?”

I shook my head. “No. And don’t tell him! I want to tell him myself.”

“Okay.” My mom pulled me into a hug. “I can tell you are so happy!”

We talked some more and caught up on life. I told her what’s been going on at work with Whitney and she told me to show that bitch who’s boss. Lol thanks Mom. Noted. She said she was going to have drinks with her friends and invited me, but I politely declined. I would rather stay home and watch Teen Mom 2 than get drunk with my mother. 

When my dad got off the phone we hung out in the den and talked for a bit. While we were talking I pulled up Facebook because I needed to make a status letting everyone know that I was in town for the weekend. I had a friend request from some person named Jessica and with all the makeup and filters going on in her profile picture, I didn’t recognize her at first. When I saw that Brady was our only mutual friend, I realized who it was.

BITCH. 

What made her even think she had the right to add me? It’s not like Brady and I are Facebook official, meaning she had to go dig to find me. Creep. I quickly accepted, but only so I could look at her profile.

I was mostly just looking for signs that she and Brady have hung out outside of work, but all I saw were pictures of her in her bikini. Ugh, she’s so thirsty for attention. Like we get it, you have a nice body. I thought about screenshoting her profile and showing Brady that she added me, but decided to wait and see if he brings it up. 

On Saturday morning, we planned on going to brunch with my mom’s parents. My dad and I got in the car and waited for my mom (who was going to sit in the backseat since she decided to take so long). He said that my mom told him that I have a boyfriend so naturally I threw a tantrum since my mom can’t keep her big mouth shut. He said that she told him not to tell me that he knew, but clearly my dad can’t keep anything to himself either. I refused to tell him anything about Brady since I was so annoyed with the two of them. 

By the time we got to brunch, I was no longer mad and I was so excited to see my cute little grandparents. My grandma is exactly like me and my mom – sassy and over the top. Just imagine there being three generations of me. My grandpa is more reserved and quiet and definitely enjoys being at home (unlike my grandma who is always out). When I was growing up, I was a tomboy (if you can believe it) and I would spend a lot of time doing outdoorsy stuff with my grandpa. I can’t believe I used to like, fish and hike and shit. Gross.

The first thing my grandma said when she saw me was, “Who is he?” 

So my mom told them about Brady as well. Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m surprised. She also told my whole family that I got my period the day it happened.

My mom wanted to apologize for her big ass mouth so after brunch we went to the Galleria and spent a really unnecessary amount of money. I forgive her, but I definitely won’t forget.

While we were out at the mall Carly sent me a selfie of her, Brady and Chris that they’d taken at the wedding. Carly and Chris looked okay, but Brady looked so fucking hot and I realized how #blessed he is. And I am too (can’t wait to ride his gorgeous face again). 

On Saturday night, I made plans to go out with one of my friends from high school, Brittany. Brittany is that girl who you can party with every night, but not ever have an actual conversation with. Our friendship is so superficial. I don’t know anything about her except that her go-to drink is a Redbull vodka and we both wear a size 6.5/7 in heels.

Brittany and I went to a nightclub in downtown Houston where she had a table in VIP. Since she’s apparently some sort of Houston socialite (I don’t know of any full time job she has), we were surrounded by a ton of people and kept getting free bottles and drinks.

You guys know what happened next. The highlights I can remember: 

1. I saw a guy I messed around with in high school, caught up with him and let him know that he’s still hot, and we exchanged numbers. Apparently he has some sort of girlfriend though and she was not happy about our reunion. She called me a skinny tramp, but my drunk ass didn’t care. My girl Brittany however, knocked homegirl’s drink onto her lap and had her kicked out of VIP. Thanks Britt.

2. Someone threw a $100 bill in the bartender tip bowl. I took it.

3. I used the $100 to buy everyone Whataburger. Not proud.

4. I drunk dialed Brady and told him how much I missed him, sent him a picture of my tits from Brittany’s bathroom, tried to have phone sex.

On Sunday morning, Brittany woke me up at some ungodly hour. The thing about Brittany is she is so used to partying every single night that she is immune to hangovers. She insisted we go lay out by her pool with our friend Natalie before I had to catch my flight back to Chicago later. I ended up falling asleep by the pool and woke up because my mom called to tell me we were going to lunch.

So naturally I had to order a bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a Diet Coke to cure my hangover. I told my parents about Mark and the beautiful apartment I saw and my dad said that if I was seriously considering buying that he would help me. 

“It’s wonderful that you’re thinking like a grown up and putting your money toward your future,” he said and let me know that he could help with a down payment. Score! 

Then I finally told him all about Brady while my mom sat by smiling and nodding like a stage mom.

“Let me guess, he spoils you and gives you whatever you want?” my dad said in a mocking kind of voice.

Since we were just discussing how mature and independent I was becoming, I denied the accusation. “Of course not.”

“Then why are you dating him?”

Which was cute.

Anyways, until next time, H-Town. ✌️

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sexcapades.

I decided to tell my mother about my new car first then maybe she could break the news gently to my dad and soften the blow. She demanded I send her pictures immediately and then proceeded to obsess over how cute and perfect for her it was. She’s so crazy.

Right after we hung up, my dad called.

“You decided against the Altima, doll?” he asked.

“Yeah, they didn’t have what I wanted in stock. I just really feel like this car is perfect for my lifestyle. It’ll be good in the winter and the black will easy to be able to keep clean,” I over-explained myself.

“That’s great. I’m not even going to ask how much your insurance premium is, but you work very hard. You deserve it,” he said.

I couldn’t help smiling. My dad is so cute.

On Monday we had a meeting with some potential new investors at work. They wanted to know what direction the company is going in so I gave a really good thirty minute presentation about all the projects I’m working on. Afterwards, they asked a ton of questions so I think they really liked it. They met with Dave and Diana privately after that and I haven’t heard anything since. I hope it went good.

Brady called when he got off work to invite me over and I told him that I would meet him there. I have a car now I don’t need to rely on other people for rides.

When I got there Brady had his little work station set up in the dining room which was kind of annoying because he’s the one who invited me over.

“So how was your day?” I asked, sitting on the dining room table.

“Good. I just have a few things to finish up quickly,” Brady said as he sat back down in front of his laptop. I know he said he’s not a workaholic, but I’m beginning to think otherwise.

I sat there playing on my phone for a few minutes then I decided to go wait for Brady in his room naked. I wasn’t even halfway down the hallway when I heard Brady’s footsteps behind me. He grabbed my wrist and stopped me.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I’ll wait for you in your room,” I said.

Instead of saying anything back, he pushed me against the wall and started kissing me. His aggressiveness was so hot and I smiled even though we were making out.

“I guess you’re finished with work?” I said, pulling away.

He mumbled something, grabbed my shoulders and steered me into his bedroom. I turned around laughing and pulled him on top of me on the bed. Brady reached down and pulled my shirt over my head then hastily pulled my yoga pants and underwear down at once. He dipped down and ran his tongue down my tummy just below my belly button. He began kissing me everywhere except where I needed him to and it was agonizing. Apparently I’m not the only tease.

Finally he plunged his tongue into me and started working his magic. He persisted on, with much more dominance than normal, until I came hard. He stood up and reached into his night table and held up a foil condom packet proudly. After he slipped it on, he fucked me senseless. But instead of just thrusting in and out, Brady reached down between us and used his thumb to gently rub me. What a sensation.

Afterwards we climbed into bed, exhausted.

“You’re really different than any girl I’ve ever dated,” Brady said out of the blue.

“Mmhm. How so?” I asked, still a bit dazed.

“Just everything about you. Your attitude. The way you carry yourself. The way you talk. It is a quite refreshing change though. I enjoy your company,” he said.

I smiled at how politically correct it all sounded. Only he could make compliments sound like he was reviewing my qualifications for a job.

“Thanks. I think. So what kind of girls do you normally go after?”

Brady bit his lip like he was thinking. “Prissy New England girls.”

I raised my eyebrows but didn’t say anything so he continued.

“High maintenance, spoiled, gossipy… The exact opposite of you. You’re so chill and laidback.”

I have never been called laidback in my life and I don’t know if it’s a compliment or not. Maybe Brady doesn’t really know me after all.

We fell asleep sometime after that and I woke up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. I got back in bed and checked my email, Facebook and Pinterest for a few minutes. Then I felt Brady wrap his arms around me and press me against his body. He was hard. 

Without a word, he started kissing my neck and rubbing my pussy simultaneously. And then he slowly entered me from behind while still kissing my neck. Spooning sex. 

I never thought Brady and I would have such good sexcapades, but I am loving every second of it. 

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