shit shit shit.

On Thursday, Andrew wanted to have another touchbase phone call. He wanted an update about how my interviews were going, if I’d found any candidates on my own (I hadn’t) and when I would be available for travel – I told him at the beginning of January, just like Kate and I discussed.

On my way home, Brady texted me saying he was on his way over. It was only 4:45 which was extremely early for him, but I thought nothing of it. I got home and changed into a pair of shorts, a tank top, and a zip hoodie then made a drink and waited for Brady to get there. I buzzed him up when he called and unlocked the door so he could let himself him. I was sitting on the couch half listening to the news/SnapChatting when my door flew open and Brady stormed in. 

“What the fuck did you say to Jessica?” he demanded, looking absolutely furious.

Oh, shit. Shit shit shit.

“Um, nothing,” I said really quietly.

“Yes, you did!” Brady bellowed. I had never, ever seen him this mad before and I cowered into the couch. His face was turning red.

“Whatever you said really upset her and now everyone in the hospital knows what happened. Everyone! And she won’t talk to me so I have no idea what you said!”

I looked on with huge, scared eyes.

“What the fuck were you thinking? Do you think? I told you that you have nothing to worry about! Why did you even feel the need to say anything to her?”

I was silent. You know the really painful lump you get when you’re about to burst into tears? I had that and I tried to swallow it down. 

“I can’t fucking believe you. You go out of your way to embarrass me! You thrive on it!” Brady’s fists were balled up at his sides and I actually thought he might punch me. “Are you going to say anything or are you just going to sit there looking stupid?”

My mouth opened, but nothing came out. I was afraid that the moment I tried to say something I would start bawling.

“Let me see the message,” Brady said in the most normal voice he’d used all day. 

Oh God. The message. I couldn’t possibly let him read the belligerent and hateful message I’d sent her. He would never speak to me again.

“I deleted it,” I said in a voice that didn’t sound like my own.

“No you didn’t, Reese. Let me fucking read it,” Brady said and I could tell that his anger was coming back.

And that’s when I cried. I curled into a ball in the corner of the couch and cried so Brady couldn’t see me. I can’t handle this kind of confrontation. I literally just wanted to die.

I heard Brady walk a couple of steps and sigh as he sat down on the couch. When he didn’t say or do anything for a few minutes, I peeked through my arms and saw him sitting on the other end of the couch, staring straight ahead with his chin resting on his steepled fingers.

I must have fallen into some sort of crying coma because the next thing I remember is Brady gently tugging on the bottom of my hoodie. I pulled my hoodie away and tightened up in my ball.

“Reese,” Brady said. Then I felt him scoot closer to me and grab my arm to try to pull me out of my ball.

“Reese, look at me.”

I knew I probably had mascara smeared all over my face, but I still looked up at him.

“I’m sorry for yelling at you,” Brady said. He wiped my cheek with his thumb. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want you talking to her,” I heard myself say. “Or her talking to you. I want you to myself.”

“You have me to yourself. How many times do I have to tell you this?” His voice was gentle. “I don’t want anyone else, Reese.”

I sniffled.

Brady put an arm around me and I fell into him, my face resting on his cold jacket.

“Sorry,” I said.

“It’s okay,” Brady sighed and we were both silent for several minutes. I tried to piece together how everyone found out about Brady and Jessica because if my message. Unless she showed people? But I don’t see why she would unless she just wanted to incriminate herself. I bet all of Brady’s coworkers think I’m insane. Which is accurate.

Eventually we got up wordlessly and walked to my room. Brady took off his jacket, shoes and tie and got in bed. I got in after him and he pulled me on top of him. He pushed my hoodie off and tossed it on the floor.

I smiled, liking where this was going. I began slowly unbuttoning his dress shirt and then pulled it and his white undershirt off. I ran my hands over his smooth skin, my fingernails grazing his little chest tattoo, his subtle skinny boy abs and the purplish red hickey I’d left on his neck. I thought back to when we first met – when we had those innocent sleepovers where he explained why he couldn’t wear a shirt to bed.

It’s so crazy how things change. Remember when I first met Brady? I was so enamored with him. He was this successful pharmacist who used big words and liked to run and keep his condo clean. I tried so hard to pretend to be this perfectly put together girl who also ran and didn’t drink into her face fell off thinking that’s what he wanted. I kind of miss that.

“I love you,” I said abruptly. “Do you still want to meet my parents?”

“Yes. Do you want me to?” Brady replied.

I nodded happily.

“I like you like this,” he said.

I scrunched my nose. On top of him? With mascara all over my face? Horny? “Like what?” 

“You put on this front like you don’t care about anything so you’re abrasive and confrontational and mean. It’s like you’re afraid to show that you are capable of being emotionally invested in anything.”

I felt like he opened me up and read me like a book. I blinked.

“When you make yourself vulnerable you look so happy and carefree.”

I didn’t confirm or deny Brady’s psychological diagnosis of me and instead helped him finish getting undressed. He flipped me over so he could be on top and then we proceeded to have the best make up sex ever. It wasn’t like scratching, spanking, “Are you sure you’re sorry?” “Yes, please forgive me.”

It was like, “I love you,” “I love you more,” “Do you still want to marry me?” “Of course.”

Which is so not me.

So I was up all night thinking about what Brady said. I know it’s true, but I had no idea he could tell too. God. I’m such a trainwreck.

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55 thoughts on “shit shit shit.

  1. Wow her telling people is just sad of her. I highly doubt she showed anyone the actual message, just paraphrased. No way she would want people knowing about the bj and the selfies. The good news I really don’t think you need to worry about her anymore

  2. D says:

    Ok, so I know this might not be well received, but maybe apologize to Jessica about the way you handled things? Just like a “Hey, I’m sorry I threatened your nudies on the world, I trust Brady, I shouldn’t have done that (but still keep your distance)” kinda thing? Idk. Like she still shouldn’t be pushing herself onto someone who has a girlfriend. I think she’s kind of gottent the point now. It just might make Brady’s life easier, and yours if you ever have to run into her.
    Anyways, Brady clearly thinks the world of you. I know the ex kinda messed you up, but Brady has proven time and time again that he’s not that guy. You need to just let yourself trust him completely. He’s proven nothing but worthy of it.
    That’s just my two cents. lol

    • D says:

      But I’m with Lauren^ in that I’m surprised she’d tell anyone…. She makes herself look really bad by telling everyone because she’s farrrrr from innocent here.

    • Abby says:

      How is Brady proving anything? She has asked him numerous times to NOT talk to her, but yet, he does. Jessica is TEXTING him, so yeah. I do agree she should have worded her message differently, but she didn’t. Jessica doesn’t deserve an apology because she is running her mouth to people at work.

      • Sylvia says:

        I agree. I would be more pissed at Brady for not respecting my wishes than Reese is. It is not unreasonable at all imo. Jessica needs to BTF off and Brady needs to learn some respect.

        I don’t always agree with what Reese does, but this one I do!

      • D says:

        Lol. I guess I’m just really nonconfrontational, so idk. I try to avoid conflict at all costs, but I also see why she shouldn’t.

  3. Zoe says:

    I think this was necessary, although it’s never nice when someone is that angry. Jessica would never have stopped (probably) and Brady probably didn’t realise just how much it actually bothered and hurt you since he’s moved on from the whole thing. I’m a lot like you Reese, I can shut down my feelings to protect myself which most people don’t get and they pretty much think you’re a cold person with no feelings when the opposite is true! I’m glad Brady sees you and that you guys are still moving forward. It’s really cute to see how your relationship has changed since the beginning. Looking forward to reading about your mum meeting Brody! She cracks me up 😛

  4. Y says:

    I think you should tell Brady what you said (paraphrased of course). Jessica seems slimy. You don’t know what story she told to people at work. This way, If Brady hears, he wont be blinsided and can at least call her out in the event that she’s told everyone a horrendous lie abouut you. Also, can I just say this Bitch is very unprofessional. Airing her laundry at work

      • Lee says:

        She probably thinks he shared her nudes with you, and if it was me I’d be pissed if a guy I was seeing shared my pictures that I gave him in confidence to others. Not that they were dating, but still. It’s not a nice feeling knowing your nudes are being shared with others than whom you gave it to.
        But that’s just what I think why she’s pissed at Brady.

      • Alex says:

        Lee, I hate to tell you this, but guys share nude photos. They just do. The only way to avoid that is to have some self-respect and not send them.

  5. Luita says:

    What a big B! I don’t believe she would tell people what actually happened because that would make her look bad. I wonder what people are saying….
    Looks to me like you got rid of the bitch, so just be done with it.
    Wow Brady was pretty pissed, but see the tears worked and softened him up pretty fast. It’s good he sees the real you, it’s ok to be vulnerable every now and then. I’m the same way, so scared to be hurt that I pretend I don’t care. Remember when you first met him and you decided you wanted him, well you got him! I think that’s pretty awesome, now you gotta keep him, just make him happy and let him make you happy.

  6. Sara says:

    Jessica is just plain weird. She is vindictive enough to spread around what happened just to get at you and to get at Brady. She seemingly has no decorum or sense of social self preservation. Best stay far, far away from her. Time to focus on you and Brady and on what he said to you and time try and pull down your walls with him. And worry about your new job. Hang in there!!

  7. Daliza says:

    OMG!!! Jessica needs to be stopped. Why is she airing her business at work? I don’t think you should reach out to her again…not even to apologize.

  8. Cristina says:

    That’s really weird that she outed herself. She either thought you were going to do it anyway (and beat you to it) or she’s spun it so that you were threatening her and is making herself out to be the victim. Is it possible to find out what everyone thinks happened?

    • i don’t know. i’m too afraid to bring it up to brady but i assume she’s trying to play the victim. that’s the only thing that makes sense. that or she just wants people to think she and brady had a thing.

  9. Olivia says:

    Jessica is the victim. She’s the one that was threatened and berated by Reese because of her insecurities. What did she do to reese? Talk to Brady who can’t set boundaries? I’m a little disappointed because instead of talking about this with Brady when he confronted you, you chose to cry. He apologized for getting you upset and you were off the hook. Some good sex and all is forgotten. One day all these issues that keep getting brushed off will come back and you won’t be able to fix them with sex. To all the readers that support Reese’s decision to text Jessica, where is Brady’s responsibility? Same thing with those calling Jessica out for talking about the message. What’s she suppose to do? Cower and hide because that’s what Reese wants? It sucks that Brady has to be the constantly apologizing when you screw up. You broke his phone after looking through it but he had to make amends. Here you text Jessica. Threatened her with the pics that are none of your business and act like the victim when he calls you out? Crying and sex will only get you so far. Same with your sense of entitlement. Reese, you expect a lot from people but give very little respect. Jessica owes you nothing! Like someone said in another post, it’s like when your man cheats and instead of getting mad at him, you attack the other woman because she must have forced him to fuck her.

    Regarding you not knowing why she’s mad at Brady? Did it ever cross your mind that you don’t know the full story? That Brady didn’t tell you everything? Only what he thought was enough. Yes she gave me a blowjob once, nothing more. You shouldn’t be all offended when you did something wrong and it comes back to bite you in the ass. You keep saying you’re scared to talk more about this with Brady. No matter how much love their is, without honest communication that relationship will fail.

    • thank you. i guess i don’t know what else we could have talked about. i apologized for my part and if brady isn’t telling me the full story how am i supposed to get it out of him? jessica can tell people all she wants because it makes her look bad too. and also, i think i am very respectful!

      • It’s the past Reese. I know how hard it is that they work together but it’s obvious nothing’s happening…. Especially if he’s talking about you to her. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he told
        Her about going to your family’s for the holidays to solidify to her how committed he is? You’ll never know the answers to anything because you never talk about anything. I can’t believe HE had to apologize to you when his personal life is now all over his job. You know how serious and dedicated he is to his work. If you don’t stop using sex to fix everything and start talking you guys won’t make it. Eventually you’ll Pull something crazy like this and he’ll walk away.

    • Luita says:

      So Olivia, if your boyfriend has a co-worker who is crearly interested in him you would be ok with them talking about no-work related things? The issue for me is not that they talk at work, is that they still talk about personal stuff and go out to lunch together. I agree Brady is the taken one, so he should set some boundaries too, but if she knows he’s taken and has met the gf why is she still after him? Does she have no self respect? And Jessica knows Reese didn’t want them talking so whenever they interacted she would bring up things Brady told her like saying “we are still as close as ever!” Maybe it’s just me reading into things, but that girl is nothing but drama and trouble.
      And I don’t care what people say if a girl hooks up with someone knowing they are taken they are wrong! You wouldn’t want that to happen to you, so why do it to someone else?
      And I see the tears as a way that she finally opened up and let him see how vulnerable she can be. You see them as brushing feelings aside, I don’t think so because she let him know how upset it makes her that he still talks to Jessica and he let her know there’s no one else for him, but Reese. You don’t always have to scream and yell to get your point across, I think in this case tears did the trick. Now all Reese needs to do is have more faith in Brady.

      • Olivia says:

        Brady needs to set boundaries period. Jessica can’t be held solely responsible. Brady clearly doesn’t have an issue with Jessica. If he doesn’t want to talk about anything not work related, here’s an idea…tell Jessica directly. Don’t say that my girlfriend doesn’t like me talking to you. If my boyfriend couldn’t respect my wishes that he not talk to female he works with, I’d be upset with him. Is Jessica throwing herself at him? That’s not the impression I get. Asking what someone is doing for the holidays isn’t out of scope. Too many women blame other women instead of the man who supposedly loves her and committed to her. Brady isn’t being forced to go to lunch with her. Reese has no clue what Jessica and Brady talk about and jumps to conclusions. She needs to talk to Brady instead of acting immature. Jessica sent a text that said thanks. She has no idea what that was about but assumed it was something bad. To me Reese is better than that.

      • Alex says:

        He wasn’t “taken” when they hooked up. And none of what happened between them before Reese came into the picture is ANY of Reese’s business. The only reason she knows about any of this is because she lowered herself to snoop in his phone, which, BTW, is SO WRONG on so many levels. And any person who thinks they have the right to demand that someone cut someone out of their life is mental.

        The tears are a go-to ploy to avoid actually taking ownership and have an adult conversation when you feel you’re being “picked on”. It’s all in your own words. The tears “did the trick”. Ugh.

  10. L says:

    It was unrealistic to expect Brady to never talk to Jessica again, they work together and he’s a professional, not a high school girl. That being said, he should have set clear boundaries with her about texting him outside of work, but was too polite/non confrontational to do so. You shouldn’t have sent the message or threatened her, but at least now Brady knows how much she bothers you and will hopefully respect that. You really shouldn’t let her get to you like that though, Reese. You’re better than that and Brady is hardly the cheating type. He chose you, now stop sabotaging your relationship and grow the hell up. You should also tell Brady the full story about the Ex so he understands why you’re so bat shit cray sometimes

    • thank you. how do you know brady isn’t the cheating type? i kind of agree with you, but you never know. we didn’t think john was the cheating type and look what he did.

      • L says:

        I have a lot of experience with “The Cheating Type” and he just doesn’t strike me as one. From what I can tell, he has freakish amounts of self control, he isn’t insecure, and he takes your relationship seriously. Brady is a man, not a boy and that makes a big difference. With John and Kendra, I think he was insecure and intimidated by her drive/success (not that that excuses what he did in the slightest), whereas you and Brady are on a more level playing field.

      • okay, that’s fair although i would argue that john and kendra are on similar playing fields too. but i get your point. i hope you’re right about him not being the cheating type.

  11. Olivia says:

    You could have told him the truth when he asked. He is out of loop and now has people talking about what you said. He seems professional in every sense, how do you think he feels having to deal with high school gossip? Further he asked you to show him the message. You’re afraid to do that. He deserves that much.

      • Kelly says:

        You also thought that Brady would never find out. Once Jessica cools down, there’s a possibility she or her friends would show Brady your message. It’s better to be honest with him now than have him find out from Jessica or someone else. Relationships aren’t easy and require trust, honesty, love and respect. There isn’t trust because you keep second guessing Brady and avoid discussing whatever is bothering you. There isn’t honesty because you chose to omit information because you’re afraid of the consequences and Brady doesn’t open up and hides things as well. Case in point his ex. I’m not doubting your love for Brady or his for yjou. Respect. If you respected him you wouldn’t have messaged Jessica and made his workplace environment toxic. Now everyone is gossiping about him. I don’t understand why he apologized to you when you were the one at fault.

    • Kelly says:

      And why exactly wouldn’t Jessica dare? It would totally be her right to. Considering how you attached let verbally I think it’s more likely than not she will show him or some one else will. Just because you delete a message on your end doesn’t mean it’s gone forever.

  12. SarBear says:

    Here’s my issue with everything: Brady has been dishonest in the past, regarding the identity of his ex and his mother’s feelings about him going to Reese’s family over the holidays. Reese, in each situation you gave him a perfect opportunity to be honest with you in a calm and safe way. He actively chose not to. He lied to your face. That would result in me being unable to trust my partner, if they lied to me like that. I am not a trusting person due to my past experiences, but I give people an opportunity to show me. Brady seems to have rejected every opportunity you’ve presented him with. Whether or not you can accept and deal with that in a relationship is completely up to you.

    In regard to the boundary setting, what I said before should be kept in mind. I’ve mentioned before that my boyfriend and I were long distance for a year while he was in grad school in Lubbock and I was doing the same in Israel. During this time, my fella worked with many girls (way to go lady scientists, btw!). He also had a girl that he worked with in the past keeping in touch with him. That one I wasn’t ok with, and to be honest some of the girls he worked with I wasn’t either. I was able to be honest with myself about the root cause (my insecurity for most of it), and to communicate my feelings to him. This worked really well for a couple of reasons. First, I knew I could trust him because he made the choice to be honest with me about his activities and who was contacting him. Not that he was doing anything bad, or that I demanded to know his whereabouts, but he would tell me about his day to day life, his coworkers, his friends. He encouraged me to befriend and reach out however I wished when I visited, or via Facebook if I was uncomfortable. We had a lot of communication and trust, this was immensely important. He has never lied to me, and most of those girls are close friends of mine now (he’s still in grad school, and we live together). One of them he’s no longer in touch with because her behavior made us both uncomfortable. That was his choice though. And this is the second point: he set his own boundaries. That does not mean we always saw eye to eye on them. It means he set his boundaries, and if I was uncomfortable we discussed it. Sometimes he saw where u was coming from, other times I saw where he was coming from. Boundaries are on the list of things we compromised on to ensure we both felt comfortable with our relationship. And it worked, we are both very happy and both have many friends of both sexes. I have never ONCE even considered confronting one of those girls I wasn’t comfortable with, because I never felt the need to do so. And I am no wall flower.

    My two cents, if you honestly felt that you couldn’t openly and honestly communicate your feelings to Brady and have your needs met, that you needed to send that message, there is something wrong. It’s your choice, but I would not want to be in a relationship with someone I couldn’t trust.

      • Sara says:

        I think it would be pretty precipitous to break up with him. His great failing is his closed off tendency to be more private than he should be. This is a difficult combo with your insecurity. Both these tendencies have roots in your respective pasts (his upbringing, your relationship with the Monster Who Messed With Your Head in college). You two need to learn to talk to each other, but that is true in ANY relationship. You two are less than 6 months in together which is VERY early in a serious relationship. Be patient and on your side you can start trying to trust and tell him directly when you are feeling insecure in a direct and gentle manner, where possible. That gives him a chance to respond accordingly.

      • Lee says:

        I don’t think SarBear is suggesting you break up with Brady. I think what she is trying to say is that you and Brady both need to learn how to open up to one another, to build trust and honesty for your relationship to grow.
        Communication and transparency is very important in a relationship.

        Case in point. A few weekends ago my guy had a small dinner party which consisted of me, my friend, him and his best friend (we were subtly trying to set our friends up). That night everyone but me got incredibly drunk (my friend more so than anyone) and well, she drunkenly kissed him on the lips when he was trying to help her go to bed. I didn’t see this, as his friend was drunkenly talking to me, but as soon as it happened, he came to me told me about it and apologized profusely (even though he didn’t initiate it at all).
        Well, him telling me what happened (even though he could have just not told me and no one would have been the wiser, especially since my friend was blackout drunk and didn’t even remember kissing him let alone changing into the pjs we set out for her), just made me trust him that much more and allowed us to communicate without any drama. It let me open up about my insecurities, him about his drunken antics, and we were able to deal with everything, move forward and deepen the bond we already had.
        Later on, him and I and my friend all talked through the incident, she apologized about it, to both me and him, and I forgave her but told her she needs to learn how to control her drunk self more, and/or moderate her drinking.

        There wasn’t any drama or crying (well he cried. He felt so bad about it all) but complete transparency and honesty. If he didn’t tell me and somehow this came to light in a later day, trust me, I’d have flown off the handle. But since he did tell me, even though he feared he would lose me if he did, it helped me in particular to trust him and keep a level head.

        I know not everyone is like my guy and I and every relationship is different, but I just wanted to give you an example of how communicating honestly with each other can be beneficial, and also how important it is to nip things in the bud.

        If this had festered, with my insecurities of my looks and having a past bf who practically cheated on me and tried to control me (keyword, tried. I was too stubborn for him to actually maintain full control over me, although he was extremely good at manipulation), this event could have turned very, very bad.

        And the result of the talk we had was that he would set boundaries (and I did not have to tell him that, he came up with it himself), cut off drinking cause he believed that was part of the root problem to all the stupidity of the night (even though I was fine with him drinking), and to help me overcome my insecurities (which is something I requested).

        By the way, just like you and Brady our relationship is fairly new. We’ve only been dating for about 6 months now.

        Sorry for the long post, but I do hope this will help you in some way with your relationship with Brady.

      • aw i can’t believe your bf cried. (and that your friend kissed him, yikes!) ugh we suck at communicating so much. how can i get him to be as open and honest as your bf?

  13. sarah says:

    Holy shit, theses comments are deeper than the post! I didn’t ready every one, so this might be a repeat. I think you and Brady should have talked that out more than yelling–crying–sex, but whatever works for ya. At least you are over it and can have a good holiday together. Hoping for no drama in Texas(?) with your family!

  14. K says:

    Well then.

    I think you should show him the message. Yes, you deleted it, but it’s in your sent items. In all honesty, I reread it, and it wasn’t that nasty. You stated your case, (you threatened a wee bit with the pics, but well, fuck her) and just tell him the truth. You dont want her and him texting and discussing anything but work. And you’re worried because he lied about his ex, to your face, and his mother thinks you’re a controlling bitch. You NEED to set it all out on the table babe. If you don’t, it’s going to bite you. If he TRULY loves you, then he’ll see you’re being honest, and love you more for the opening up. He’s already said he loves that you were open and vulnerable right then. Please talk to him.

  15. Do not show him the message and do NOT apologize to Jessica, she’s shady as all hell. I hope that this convinced Brady how strongly you feel about him not talking to her (sometimes just telling someone something doesn’t work, your actions speak louder). Cut yourself some slack once in awhile… we all get crazy, we all do stupid shit when we’re in love… as long as you don’t do anything that makes you a horrible person, everything is a learning experience. You and B are adorable together, I’m rooting for you and hope your first Christmas together is amazing!!

  16. SarBear says:

    Exactly. Communication and trust are essential for a good relationship. I personally don’t like arguing or “drama”, so I prefer to communicate my feelings and trust my partner implicitly. It makes life a lot easier and the rough patches (which are inevitable) much easier to navigate. I’m not suggesting you break up. I’m suggesting you confront your issues with him and communicate what’s going on so that they don’t have to recur. That’s all.

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