I literally haven’t spoken to Scott since I found out about his wife. Obviously. He didn’t bother me for a while, but I even went as far as canceling meetings that I knew we would both be at. I know it’s petty, but I can’t help it. I know I’m closed off emotionally and when I’m hurt, I lash out.

I talked to Nick. Admittedly, I let it drag on for a lot longer than I should have after my last post, but I finally got sick of living in my misery so I confronted him.

We were hanging out at his place watching TV and pigging out on the chips and salsa I’d brought over. The cat was sitting in my lap with her tail sashaying sassily in the air.

“You know, I think she really likes you,” Nick said, popping a chip in his mouth.

“What, compared to all the other girls you have over?” I said with a straight face.

He laughed with a mouth full of food and I just looked at him.

“What?”

“Why is that so funny? Do you have lots of girls over?” I asked.

Nick paused for a moment and I figured he was thinking up a lie to tell. Finally he said, “If you’re trying to ask if I’m seeing other people, the answer is no. Because I don’t want to.”

I liked that answer, but I still pursed my lips at him skeptically.

And then he added, “Are you?”

“No,” I answered.

“Okay, then that’s settled.”

And the conversation was over. But then another night, we were heading back to his place in a cab and his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked at it, silenced it and put it back.

“Brittany?” I inquired.

“Brittany?” Nick asked with a furrowed brow. But then he looked relieved. “Thank God, no. She’s crazy.”

“I’m sure that’s what you tell her about me,” I said.

Nick looked so confused. “Why would I say that? You’re not.”

“I wish I believed you.” I crossed my arms over my chest and glared out the window.

He backed away from me. “What is this all about? Have I done something wrong?”

And I felt bad. Like really, genuinely bad. So the next morning while we sat on the couch eating eggs and waffles with the cat, I apologized.

“I’m sorry for being a bit silly last night,” I said and immediately busied myself taking a big gulp of my tequila spiked orange juice.

I could feel Nick looking at me and I glanced back at him over the glass.

“Yeah, that was kinda weird.” He paused. “I like you. You know that?”

I nodded.

“The Reese I’m used to doesn’t get insecure like that,” Nick said.

“I’m not insecure,” I said slowly. I wanted to put into words how I actually felt – that I wanted to believe everything he said and that I probably did but I also just didn’t want to be taken advantage of or for him to think for a moment that I was stupid.

We let it go. Nick got a little bit distant after that and it started to feel like I was always texting him first and bothering him. But when I did text him, he was happy to hear from me and fun. I didn’t like that though.

Carly and Chris were here last month. I haven’t seen them in forever so I was actually really excited to hang out with them. Chris’s brother is getting married so they were here for the festivities and we all went out dancing one night. Carly and I had dinner beforehand to catch up.

“Chris really wants a baby soon, but I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready,” she told me.

“Shouldn’t you have figured that out before you got married?” I asked.

“I just realized this, Reese,” she said, rolling her eyes.

I rolled my eyes back at her.

She came back to my place to change and get ready for the night. We were meeting up with friends and I already knew Brady would be there and honestly, I was kind of excited to see him. And since I knew he would be around, I wore a little crop top, a leather skirt and heels.

When we arrived at the club, some of Carly’s suburban friends were already there including this Middle Eastern girl named Aisha. I met her probably four years ago, but she’s had quite the glow up since then. Long black hair down to her ass, blue contacts and a skin tight black dress. She looked good. She’s a retail pharmacist who used to wear boot cut jeans and glasses.

“Reese!” she greeted me with a hug. “It’s been so long. You’ve lost weight?”

I have lost a little bit of weight, especially since she last saw me. So I appreciated that.

Brady showed up about an hour later. I spotted him as soon as he walked in the door so I started talking to Carly to look busy. I was telling her that I was thinking of getting fake glasses to be taken more seriously when she literally threw her hands up to wave.

“Brady!!”

“Oh, I didn’t even know Brady was coming,” I said nonchalantly.

Carly turned and gave me a “Yeah, right,” look. Brady elbowed through the crowd and joined us, greeting Chris with a hug first. I don’t know why, but it touched my heart. He hugged Carly next and when they pulled away he seemed to notice me for the first time.

“Hey you,” he said, nodding his head at me.

“Hey!” I exclaimed and I threw my free arm around his neck. I don’t think he was expecting that and neither was I. When we pulled away, Brady kept his hand on the small of my back for half a second longer than he needed to and I smirked at him.

“How have you been?” he asked me.

Before I could respond, Aisha jumped out of nowhere and introduced herself. “I’ve heard so much about you. It’s about time we finally met.”

At first I was thinking, why would she have heard about Brady? But then I thought, well they are both pharmacists and Carly probably told Aisha all about him and how smart they are and how much they have in common.

“Nice to meet you,” Brady said. I stood there waiting for him to come back and talk to me, but he and Aisha continued chatting.

About an hour later, after I’d spent some time hanging out at the bar with Carly, we rejoined the group. I was shocked and appalled to find Aisha bent over at the waist, bumping and grinding on Brady. He was laughing, but not exactly pushing her off.

Carly caught me staring and said, “Relax. You’re allowed to move on and so is Brady.”

“Why would he want to move on with that?”

Carly rolled her eyes so hard that it probably hurt. I stared at the spectacle until Brady looked up at me and at least had the decency to look embarrassed.

Carly grabbed my arm. “Let’s go find Chris.”

The next time I saw Brady and Aisha, they were in the same spot, but they were just talking. Aisha ran over to me and said, “You don’t mind, do you Reese?”

“Mind what?” I asked.

“Me and Brady!” she sang. “He’s so nice!”

I couldn’t believe the nerve. I glanced at Brady, who was still standing in the same spot, but sipping his beer and talking to a guy friend. I stormed away from Aisha without saying anything.

The night ended at my favorite late night food spot and I noticed Brady was absent from the group. I hadn’t seen him in a little while and I was annoyed with myself and Aisha that I didn’t get to talk to him more. I wanted him to see how normal and mature and fun I’ve become. And I wanted to make sure he missed me.

The next morning, I woke up delighted to find a text from the man himself.

“It was nice to see you tonight,” Brady had sent at 2:34 AM.

I stared at my phone for about 15 minutes before deciding to reply, “You too.”

Carly and I met up with Preston to get lunch, have manicures and do some window shopping. I don’t know if I told y’all Preston is engaged? He’s still working part time at a boutique, but he’s playing the full time stay at home role to their 18-year-old cat. His fiancé is some real estate mogul and they live in this multimillion dollar penthouse not far from me. I’m totally jels.

That night, we went to a bougie dinner with Kendra and John (the baby was at home with John’s sister and her husband). Halfway through dinner, when John was having a conversation with himself about inflammation, I realized that Brady had not texted me back. I didn’t give him anything to text back to, but still. It’s me. I’d had four glasses of rosé and literally no pride, so I texted him again.

“How’s my baby?” I asked.

“Me or Tucker?” Brady replied immediately.

I couldn’t help smiling at him flirting with me. “Well, I meant Tucker but I guess you can tell me how you’re doing also.”

The three dots appeared and stayed for about two minutes. Brady’s response was long – about Tucker’s checkup (he’s about a pound overweight), haircut and daycare he’s being going to. And Brady’s low key life consisting of lots of work. He even had to hire a dog walker because he’s hardly home. I expressed that I didn’t appreciate him hiring some random person who I’d never met to walk Tucker. At the end of our conversation, we’d decided that we’d meet up later in the week to take Tucker to the dog park. I was ecstatic for my date.

I somehow ended up at Nick’s that night. Like I said before, he’d been distant and hadn’t initiated us hanging out so I finally just called him and asked to come over.

“Hey stranger,” he greeted me at his door.

“Hey. I was starting to forget what you looked like,” I joked.

We hung out in his living room for a little while and finished a bottle of wine. We had a lot to talk about since we hadn’t hung out in so long and while it felt like no time had passed, I couldn’t stop thinking about Brady. And I was so annoyed with myself for it. Here was a guy who was actually into me and wasn’t about to deal with my ridiculous shenanigans. But I guess that just isn’t fun for me.

Once the night was winding down, Nick asked, “Do you want to stay over?”

I thought about it, but decided not to because I knew we would hook up and I knew I would feel bad about myself since I would’ve thought of Brady the whole time. So I declined.

By the time our date rolled around, I’d pushed most of my lustful thoughts out of my head and was mostly just excited to see Tucker. I met Brady at his house after changing into my sexiest athleisure outfit. He was in the kitchen eating celery and carrots in jeans.

“You look cute,” I couldn’t help saying.

And then Brady looked up slowly from the counter to me. My vagina literally jumped.

Brady popped a carrot in his mouth and offered one out to me.

“I guess I could eat my first vegetable of the week,” I said, taking the carrot from him and joining him at the counter, making sure to stand about 6 inches too close.

“How was your day?” Brady asked me.

“Fine. We think my boss’s boss is leaving the company soon so everyone is on edge hoping we’ll all get promoted in a reverse domino effect,” I said.

“Really? What would it mean for you?” he asked.

“Hopefully a promotion. But considering…” I don’t speak to Scott and communicate to him through email and Post-Its. “Probably not.”

“Well, I hope you benefit…no matter what ends up happening.”

We headed to the dog park and played with Tucker outside for about an hour and a half. Brady let me have the most fun – throwing the tennis ball and rope – since obviously I don’t get to do that with Tucker very often. And I couldn’t stop watching Brady watching us. He looked so good in his jeans and t-shirt just fucking standing there.

Finally Tucker and I ran back over to him.

“I’m exhausted and I probably smell like a kennel,” I said.

Brady made a grossed out face and I slapped his arm. “I don’t really.”

“Okay, let’s leave then,” he said.

We walked back to Brady’s and I waited for him to invite me to stay longer.

“Do you want a glass of water?” he asked me.

“Yeah and do you have tequila or anything?” I said back.

Brady laughed and pulled a bottle of tequila out of a lower cabinet.

“You’re the best!” I squealed.

We made drinks and sat in the dining room talking for a little while. I couldn’t stop touching him. You know how in high school when you have a crush on a guy, you find any reason to touch his arm or shoulder and it’s borderline obnoxious? That was me. I could tell he enjoyed the attention, but I wanted Brady to touch me back. Or something. I wanted something.

When I finally called an Uber at 11 PM to go home, Brady was the one who reached in for a hug. I guess that was all I was getting.

On my way home, he texted me, “Thank you for coming by to see Tucker today. He and I really appreciate it.”

And since I’d come on so strong and was kind of embarrassed, I didn’t respond.

Until that weekend. I was out with my friend Ava and texted Brady to see what he was up to.

“At Halligans with some friends. You?” he responded.

I turned to Ava. “Let’s go to Halligans.”

We hopped in a cab and were there in less than five minutes. It wasn’t until I got to the door that I realized by “friends” Brady could have meant a girl. Fucking Tia for all I knew. But still I charged in (as much as I could with the crowded bar) like I owned the place. I spotted one of Brady’s loser friends standing at a table and headed over. Brady was sitting down.

“Oh my God, hi!” I exclaimed. “I had no idea you were here!”

I threw my arms around Brady before he could say, “I just told you I was here.”

“How’s your night going?” I asked, sitting down in the booth next to him.

“Good, thanks. I’m happy to see you.”

We began talking. First about how our nights were going and then the rest of our weeks and then our friends. Ava and the two other guys went to get more drinks from the bar and we all just hung out and drank and talked and bonded. It was actually a lot of fun and kind of felt like old times when Brady and I would get shit faced together.

Later on, the rest of the group decided they wanted to go to a rooftop in River North, but Brady and I didn’t want to leave the neighborhood.

“Reese, I’m gonna go,” Ava whispered to me, gesturing to the guys.

I shrugged. “Okay, have fun, hun!” I said and gave her a quick hug.

Brady and I stayed for about an hour after everyone left just sitting at the booth and drinking. Eventually I suggested we go get something to eat. I got up and watched Brady get up slowly, like he was just now realizing how drunk he was.

We got in a cab and Brady told the driver his address.

“I thought we were getting food?” I said, confused.

“I have food at my place,” he said.

I couldn’t help smiling at his smoothness.

“I have a question that I need a real answer to,” I said.

“Okay.”

I made sure Brady was looking at me and he was, like he was super curious about what the question could be.

“Did you have sex with Tia?” I I asked.

He looked taken aback, almost like I’d just hit him. And when he did that, I thought, “Yep. They definitely fucked.”

“No. No…never,” he answered.

“Do you swear?” I asked like a 13 year old.

“Swear. I never even kissed her. I’m not attracted to her at all. She’s sleeping with a 60 year old man,” Brady said, almost shuttering.

“I believe you.”

“Why did you ask me that?”

I shrugged. “Rumors.”

“Did you have sex with your boss?” Brady asked.

I gasped and felt like crying at the thought. “No! Oh my God, no! I could never!”

“I believe you.”

We got back to Brady’s and he put a frozen pizza in the oven for us. I was sitting on the couch and he came and sat next to me after the pizza was in. As soon as he sat down, I leaned over and kissed him. Within ten minutes, I was horizontal on the couch and Brady had my dress hiked up and was working on getting my panties down.

I decided I’d let him eat me out, but stop things there because I do have some dignity. And so I let him and was really enjoying myself until I was about to come and I randomly got a picture of my fucking stupid ex in my head. I literally screamed. At the same time, the smoke detector started going off.

Brady jumped up. “I forgot the pizza!”

Obviously the mood was kind of ruined after that. The pizza was black so Brady brought us Doritos to eat and we both passed out on the couch.

I feel like I kind of got the Brady thing out of my system so I’ve been hanging out with Nick the past week and a half. I’ve practically moved into his apartment and brought half my wardrobe over so I have plenty of options when getting ready in the morning. I can’t lie though, he’s kind of boring. Almost every night, he falls asleep after we eat dinner on the couch. The first few times he did it, I let him sleep but lately I’ve been waking him up to pay attention to me. Cocoa can only entertain me so much.

So now I’m forcing myself not to text Brady back.

Oh, and Carly just found out that she’s pregnant.