drunk reese strikes again.

On Friday night, Kendra, Preston, Carly and I went to a party at Preston’s boss’s – a cute high rise with scenic city views. It was an intimate little soirée and we had lots of champagne and vodka cranberries. We left at around 10:00 and weren’t ready to stop partying yet so we walked to a strip of bars a few blocks away.

Preston bought us a round of Patron shots and as soon as I took it, I knew it was going to be one of those nights. We had another round of Patron, danced, took a few of pictures for Instagram, took a parting Patron shot and headed to the next bar. There, I ordered a vodka water. Vodka waters are a sign of desperation and they’re all I drank in college. The fact that I was indulging in vodka waters in my post-grad life was not a good sign.

At some point, our group had gotten separated so Carly and I worked the bar – flirting with guys and getting free drinks until last call.

We went outside to find our friends and I finally pulled my phone out of my Rebecca Minkoff clutch (I still had it in my possession. Small victories). I had several missed calls from Preston and Kendra and a text from Eric.

“Come over?” The timestamp said 10:22 PM. It was now 3:38 AM.

I sat down on the curb (in my white Hudson jeans, ugh) and called Eric. He didn’t pick up and I figured he was probably sleeping.

“Reesie, Kendra says they’re coming out of the bar now. Do you want to get pizza?” Carly asked, drunkly.

I ignored her and tried Eric again. So what if he was sleeping? Drunk Reese wanted to see him. He didn’t answer and I tried again right away. He finally picked up.

“Yes?” He definitely sounded like he’d been sleeping.

“Hey it’s me!” Drunk Reese exclaimed into the phone.

“Dammit Reese! It’s almost 4:00 in the morning!” Eric yelled.

“I know, but I thought you wanted me to come over,” I said innocently.

“Hours ago. I’m fucking sleeping,” he grumbled into the phone.

“Wow, okay. I thought you wanted to hang out.” I felt the hot tears forming. Drunk Reese doesn’t like being yelled at. Sober Reese would have shouted back, hung up and never talked to him again, but Drunk Reese is much more fragile.

“Reese, I have to be up at 7:00. I don’t have time for this right now,” Eric said, softening his tone.

“Well you didn’t have to yell and curse at me. I just thought you wanted to see me.” I was actually sobbing into the phone. I heard Preston and Kendra approach us but didn’t bother looking up at them.

“I want to see you but not right now,” Eric said calmly. “I have something very important to do in the morning.”

“More important than me I guess. Just like everything in your life,” I cried.

I heard Preston ask who I was talking to and Kendra say she hoped it wasn’t Eric.

Eric sighed. “Don’t do this right now. I’m really tired. Can we talk tomorrow?”

“It is tomorrow!”

Eric didn’t say anything.

“You’re so mean!” I was sobbing again and I heard Kendra tell me to get off the ground.

Eric let out a deep sigh. “Fine. Come over.”

“K. Be there soon!” I said and hung up.

I stood up and turned to my friends with a big smile on my face – as if I hadn’t been bawling my eyes out seconds before.

“I’m taking a taxi to Eric’s,” I announced.

“So you don’t want to get pizza?” Carly asked.

“Reese, don’t go bother him. I’m sure he just wants to sleep,” Kendra said.

“Yeah, with me!” I leaned in and gave them all hugs and then hopped in an idle taxi waiting on the curb.

When I got to Eric’s, he came down and let me in in just pajama pants. I never really stopped to appreciate his huge arms, pecs, 8 pack and delicious happy trail.

“Hiiiiii!” Drunk Reese squealed.

“Shhh. We are going to sleep immediately,” Eric said, leading me to the elevator.

When we got up to his apartment, Drunk Reese realized that she should’ve taken Carly up on that pizza offer.

“Do you have anything to eat? I’m starving,” I said.

“No,” Eric said, walking to his bedroom.

I ignored him and flipped on the kitchen light. I opened the fridge and found leftover pizza, leftover Chinese food, cheesecake, and fresh fruit – all of which looked absolutely delicious.

“You lied!” I shouted, taking the box of pizza out the fridge. It appeared to be meat lovers, something Sober Reese would never partake in, but Drunk Reese was drooling like Pavlov’s dog.

I popped two slices in the microwave with no plate or paper towel under it and set it for two minutes.

“What are you doing?” Eric asked from the bedroom.

“Eating your pizza, liar. Can’t believe you didn’t wanna share with me!”

I hopped up on the counter and texted Kendra letting her know that I was safe at Eric’s. After I ate both slices of pizza I dug into the cheesecake. It was divine. As I was shoveling a huge fork full of cheesecake and strawberries in my mouth, Eric appeared in the kitchen.

“Reese, what the fuck are you doing?” he asked.

“Do you want some cheesecake?” I held the box of cheesecake and fork out to him.

“No. I want to go to sleep.”

I took one last bite of cheesecake and followed Eric out of the kitchen. I took off everything except my thong and climbed into bed.

“Eric, you seem upset. Are you mad at me?” I asked, putting my arm around him.

He shook me off and said, “No. Just… Go to sleep.”

“K.”

I rolled over and pinned a few things on Pinterest, commented “you look fugly. xo” on someone’s picture on Instagram, and added a dark selfie to my SnapChat story. Then I turned back to Eric and tapped his shoulder.

“What Reese?” he asked, clearly fed up.

“Goodnight kiss?” I asked.

He quickly turned around and kissed me hard. Luckily Drunk Reese fell asleep after that.

I woke up feeling like complete and utter shit. I don’t know who told me I had the right to drink vodka waters. Eric was standing at the foot of the bed, getting dressed and I debated pretending like I was asleep or getting up. My full bladder made the decision for me.

“Morning,” I said, climbing out of bed. I was still naked and my head was throbbing.

“Hey,” Eric said.

I breezed past him to the bathroom and tried to decide if I was going to apologize for my shenanigans. This was the second time Drunk Reese had come out to play at an inconvenient time and Eric was probably so over it/her. But I was drunk, what was I supposed to do? I finally decided that I was going to pretend that nothing happened.

I left the bathroom and Eric was putting on his hat, preparing to leave. “Do you want a ride home?”

“Yes. Just give me a minute to get dressed,” I said. I found all my clothing strewn across the bedroom floor and got dressed while Eric sat at the foot of the bed.

“What do you have to do this morning?” I asked, to break the silence.

“I have an appointment,” he said shortly.

“Oh, that’s nice. Who with?” I pressed on.

“My physical therapist. It’s starting in fifteen minutes,” he replied.

I assumed that meant I needed to hurry so I finished getting dressed and met him at the door. The car ride to my apartment was completely silent but he leaned over and kissed me when he dropped me off.

“I hope your thing goes great,” I said as one last ditch effort to smooth things over.

He simply said, “Thanks,” and that was the end of that.

I spent the rest of Saturday nursing my hangover.

*note: I’m doing a Q&A on the blog next week. Send your questions to hotmessinhighheels@gmail.com.

if i had a brother, he would be hot.

Monday was Memorial Day and we all had the day off (except Preston) so we road tripped to Carly’s parent’s house in Rockford for their family barbecue. I spent most of the day flirting with Carly’s cute older brother, Kyle. He played football at Stanford and is your typical blonde haired, blue eyed All American guy. We like to tease each other about being perpetually single, but we’ve never actually hooked up or anything. Well, I guess we made out on Christmas one year but we were both really drunk. But we would never have sex. That’s like, incestuous. Carly hates it, but I don’t know why. If I had a brother he would obviously be hot, and I would let Carly hop all over that. In fact, I would encourage it. I would love a sister-in-law to drink with!

When we got back to the city, I spent the night with Eric and then again on Tuesday. I’m starting to feel like things are really working for us. I know it’s only been a few weeks, but usually things would’ve fizzled out by now. I have a mild case of adult ADD and I get bored easily so I’m pretty proud of where things stand with Eric and me.

Diana called me into her office on Wednesday morning.

“Good morning,” she said as I sat down.

“Hi Diana. How are you?” I replied.

“I’m well. I just wanted to call you in here today to tell you what an absolutely great job you’re doing, Reese.”

I tried not to grin too wide. “Thank you!”

“I knew I was making a good decision when I put you in charge of branding, but you’ve honestly exceeded my expectations. This new collaboration is already shaping up to be wonderful and everyone is excited about it and it’s all thanks to you. It’s pretty incredible.”

I obviously knew all of this already but it is still touching hearing it from my boss.

“Thank you so much, Diana. I’m working hard to prove that you made the right decision.”

Diana cleared her throat. “Anyway. I wanted to let you know that we have two new ad team interns starting on Monday. I know you’re busy, but I need you to make sure they are learning everything they need to know and get the most out of their internships.”

“Of course. I would love to.”

The last thing I wanted to do was babysit some annoying college kids, but I guess it comes with the job. Plus, it might be nice to have two more peasants to order around. After work, I met Kendra and Carly for chips, salsa and blackberry margaritas.

As soon as we got settled, Kendra said, “You guys, I need some advice.”

It’s kind of hilarious hearing perfectly put together Kendra say she needs advice. Usually it’s the other way around.

“What’s wrong?” Carly asked.

“Nothing is wrong, I’m just in sort of a dilemma,” she answered.

“Oh my gosh, just spit out already!” I practically shouted.

“Okay.” Kendra looked from me to Carly and back. “John’s lease is up at the end of the month and we were thinking instead of renewing it, he could move in with me.”

Carly spoke up first. “Why?”

“To save money. We want to get married and buy a house eventually. We thought it might be the time to do this.”

“But he’s a doctor. Why is he freeloading off you?” I couldn’t help asking.

Kendra’s eyes cut to me. “We would be splitting the rent obviously.”

“What would your parents say?” Carly asked.

She brought forth a great point. Kendra’s ultra conservative parents would never go for this.

“Well they wouldn’t know. They wouldn’t approve of it since we aren’t married yet.”

“I don’t know, Kendra. Do you think you’re ready for that step?” Carly asked.

I can’t even imagine living with a man at this point in my life. You would have to share the same bathroom and closet and he would probably expect you to cook sometimes and keep the place clean. Hell no. But then I started thinking about living with Eric. His closet is pretty bomb and having a fireplace to snuggle in front of during the brutal Chicago winter would be useful.

“We’re ready. We’ve been together for six years, you guys. We’re ready for the next step.”

Kendra loves bragging about her boring ass six year relationship. The same penis – for six years.

“I say do it. You guys know you’re getting married. It’s smart,” Carly said.

“What do you think, Reese? Should I?”

I took a long gulp of margarita before answering. How was I going to say this without sounding like a closed minded bitch?

“I just feel like if John moves in with you, we’re never going to see you again. He’s going to be there all the time. And will we still get to have wine night and crash at your place? John probably won’t even let you keep alcohol in the apartment.”

“Nothing is going to change, Reese. It won’t affect our relationship at all,” Kendra said calmly.

I didn’t want to get in a fight over this so I said, “Well if you want to then do it. But I wouldn’t.”

We finished up and went our separate ways and I could tell Kendra wasn’t really happy with the way things ended. I know she’s going to do it anyway.

When I got home, Eric called and we made arrangements for him to come by my apartment. In all this time, he had never actually been up to my apartment – just the lobby – so I had some preparing to do. Namely throwing everything I had scattered on the floor into the closet and throwing the bag of Cheetos Puffs (don’t judge) I had lying on the counter in the garbage. My apartment is actually really cute when it’s all cleaned up (I work in home decor, what do you expect?), but that doesn’t happen very often. Hey, I’m really busy (lazy).

We ended up going straight to my room and hooking up then cuddling and talking for two hours. He left at around 11:30 because he was tired and I was a bit offended that he didn’t want to stay the night with me.

*Note: next week I’m going to post a Q&A on the blog. Leave your questions as a comment or email (hotmessinhighhheels@gmail.com) or tweet them to me!

that bj must have changed his life.

I didn’t hear from Eric until Sunday afternoon which was fine because work was insane. On Saturday morning, Kendra and I went to a friends and family sale at Preston’s boutique, spent a ton of money and regretted nothing. Afterwards, we got lunch then Kendra abandoned me because John made plans.

I went home and took a bubble bath, watched Frozen (overrated), then went out for drinks with Carly. I met this hot guy from Boston (that accent – my loins) and spent the majority of the night talking to him. He worked as a project manager and was in Chicago on business. He was hilarious. Carly was busy making out with his friend/coworker in the corner of the bar which I didn’t really approve of, but who am I to judge? Afterwards the four of us went to a pizza place and sat around talking for an hour. Boston tried to get me to go back to his hotel with him but I politely declined. We did exchange numbers in case he is ever back in Chicago. And honestly it was nice to have a distraction so I didn’t tipsy-text Eric and have a repeat of Wednesday night.

I was doing squats with whitening strips in on Sunday when Eric called. He said he was ordering Thai for dinner and wanted me to join him. I said yes, but needed two hours to get ready. I showered, packed an overnight bag and put on something comfortable (high waist leather shorts, loose tank, Bombshell bra).

“Hey there, pretty lady,” Eric said when I got in the passenger seat. Then he grabbed me and kissed me and it was really affectionate so either he really missed me or that blow job changed his life.

He stopped and picked up our food then we sat at his new chrome bistro table and ate our noodles and vegetables.

After we ate, I retreated to the couch while Eric cleared our mess, and he joined me when he finished. We spent twenty minutes trying to find something to watch on Netflix and finally settled on Side Effects.

“Did you have a good week, Reese?” he asked as the movie started rolling.

“I did,” I replied. “It was busy, but I didn’t mind. Big things are happening in my company and it’s amazing to be a part of it.”

“That’s awesome. I’m sure it’s all because of you,” he said.

I giggled modestly even though he was absolutely right. “It is all of us. We have a great team.”

“And you’re still down to earth,” Eric smiled.

“Thank you. How was your week?”

“Fine. Busy. I’m happy we’re getting to hang out now.”

At some point, he’d grabbed my feet into his lap and was massaging them and it felt amazing. I don’t know why Eric was being so sweet to me, but I obviously wasn’t complaining.

We talked about his condo decor and him possibly adopting a dog and then finally he pulled into his lap and kissed me. He pulled off my tank top then my bra and squeezed my boobs in his hands. Eric is like the sweetest giant I know, but he’s so rough sexually. I love it. He doesn’t actually hurt me like Christian Grey (eye roll), but it’s just enough to keep me on my toes.

His shirt came off and then my shorts. I could feel his hard penis between my legs and I really just wanted to fuck his brains out. He wrapped his arm around my waist and lifted me so he could pull his shorts down and then brought me back down right onto his dick. Bliss.

I bounced up and down while he alternated between kissing my lips, kissing my boobs, and groaning my name. Then I spun so that my feet were on the ground and my back was to Eric. Basically I was riding him while sitting on his lap. Girls, if you haven’t tried this yet do so immediately. It’s a game changer. He pulled my hair off my neck and kissed me until I came. I was exhausted.

Eric, however, apparently wasn’t and bent me over the side of the sectional and fucked me from behind until we both came. Then we both collapsed and fell asleep on the sectional.

drunk reese comes out to play.

Between the launch of the Nantucket Cottage line, the warehouse sale, and the deal with the Indonesian artist, I was swamped on Monday and Tuesday. I didn’t get out of the office until almost midnight both days and obviously passed out as soon as I got home.

On Wednesday, I gave my ad team a long list of tasks to keep them busy and snuck out by 5:30 to meet Kendra for drinks. We went to a place in between both of our jobs and got a pitcher of sangria. It was gone before I even finished recapping my day so we ordered another. And another. After a while, I needed a bathroom break but it was one of those singular bathroom situations so Kendra told me she would meet me outside. Which was honestly kind of offensive because we always go into the bathroom together. But whatever.

Is it just me or do you never realize how drunk you are until you’re alone in a bathroom? I was sitting on the toilet handling my business, giggling like a fucking weirdo. While I was washing my hands I realized that I wanted to see Eric. I hadn’t heard from him all day even though he usually texts me in the morning. I pulled out my phone and called him, but he didn’t answer. Determined, I tried again and he picked up. That’s more like it.

“Hello?” The background sounded loud, like he was in a bar or something.

“Hey E!” I shouted. I had never called him “E” nor had he given me permission to.

“Hi Reese. How are you?” he replied.

“I’m good. I miss you. Wanna hang out?”

“I’m a little bit busy right now. Can we tomorrow?”

Drunk Reese does not like rejection.

“Why? What are you doing?”

“I’m at a bar watching the game with my friends,” he said.

“So your friends are more important than me?”

It sounded like he stepped outside or into the bathroom because the background noise went away.

“I didn’t say that,” Eric said.

“I’ve been busy all week. Don’t you even want to see me?” I cried.

“I do want to see you, Reese, but I’m busy right now.”

“If you really want to see me, come and get me.”

“I can’t right now.”

“So you don’t want to see me. Wow, Eric, I hope your friends are really worth it!”

He let out a deep sigh. “Are you serious right now, Reese?”

“Dead!” I exclaimed.

He paused for a moment before saying, “Where are you?”

I told him and he said he would be there in fifteen minutes. I emerged from the bathroom and Kendra said, “What took so long?”

“I’m leaving,” I announced.

“Um okay. Where are you going?” she asked.

“Eric is coming to get me,” I said, happily.

We still had a quarter pitcher of sangria left so I insisted we finish it before leaving. When we got outside, sure enough Eric was waiting at the curb in his Bentley.

“Do you want a ride home?” I asked Kendra, who had taken the subway to the restaurant.

She said sure so we climbed in.

“Hiiiiii,” I sang. “You remember Kendra, don’t you? She just lives a few minutes away.”

Eric turned to Kendra in the backseat and said hello. I talked nonstop the entire way to Kendra’s while they listened and didn’t say anything. She thanked him for the ride and gave him what looked like a “good luck” look.

“Did you want to come over?” Eric asked as we left Kendra’s apartment. He sounded exasperated.

“Duh!” I said. I insisted he stop at a 7-11 so I could use the restroom again and get some Twizzlers (I don’t even like Twizzlers).

When we got to his condo, I immediately stripped off my dress and wedges and sat on his sectional eating my Twizzlers. Eric turned on the game and sat next to me, but didn’t say anything. I totally planned on going to his place and having wild, raunchy sex, but Drunk Reese passed out.

This morning, I woke up next to Eric in his bed. I felt awful about the stunt I pulled, but I’m not good at apologizing so I just gave him the best blow job of his life instead. He dropped me off at home so I could get ready for work and told me he would be busy but in touch. It irritated me a bit that he was claiming busy when I was actually the one who would be busy. But whatever.

sleep. fuck. eat. repeat.

On Saturday morning I woke up at Eric’s and we had sex, took a shower, had sex again, watched the end of The Dark Knight, ate half a bag of pretzels, and tried to have sex again. He invited me to grab food, but I realized all I had for clothing was my leather dress i.e. not daytime appropriate so he took me home. We made plans to do dinner on Sunday evening, but he canceled because his parents were in town. Cute.

I ended up going to Kendra’s for dinner because she made chicken carbonara. John was already there and then Preston and Carly joined us. We all sat around Kendra’s little drop leaf table with all of the food and drinks in the middle. It’s so cute how Kendra is working on being domestic. She’s going to be a great wife.

“What did you do last night, Pres? Your snaps were weird,” I asked. Preston had sent me a series of random SnapChats on Saturday night while I was deep conditioning my hair. Some were of his shirtless body, the floor, and random objects in a house. I texted him to see if everything was okay and he said he had no idea where he was. Obviously he was inebriated.

“Oh girl,” Preston said, dramatically. He took a sip of his water for effect. “Do you guys remember Shawn, from Grindr? The one with the foot long dick?”

“How could we forget?” I said.

Preston had exchanged pictures with a hot black guy from the app and he was so appalled by the sheer massiveness of the guy’s penis that he showed all of us. It was terrifying.

“Well, we hung out last night and he got me really drunk off Fireball. We ended up at this party in the suburbs and we went to one of the rooms in the house to have sex,” Preston continued.

“Oh Preston,” Kendra sighed, even though he hadn’t gotten to the climax (pun?) of the story.

“You guys know that I bottom when I’m drunk, right? Do you know where this story is going?”

“Oh no,” Carly said, ominously.

“His penis was so big that I ended up bleeding all over the bed! All over the people’s white sheets! I was mortified!”

I screamed.

“OH MY GOD, I WOULD HAVE DIED!” Carly exclaimed.

“I wanted to. Like, I’ve never bled before. I felt bad for bleeding on those people’s sheets.”

“What did Shawn say?” Kendra asked.

“He said it’s happened to him before. I mean, obviously. His dick is the size of a summer sausage.”

We all giggled, except John who was engrossed in his plate of pasta. I can’t believe he still lets Kendra hang out with us.

The topic switched to me and Eric and I told everyone about our fun night/morning and they seemed impressed.

“So far so good. At least you didn’t threaten to kill him after sex which is a start,” Kendra said.

That only happened once. It was right after I wrecked my Mercedes and I was in a dark place.

John finally excused himself and went home after that and then Carly told us about a guy she’s been hanging out with. If anyone has worse luck with guys than me, it’s Carly. Within the last six months she’s dated a man who was married with a pregnant wife, a felon (extortion), and a homeless guy. She’s such a sweet girl too. She’s a cute little blonde former sorority girl who works as a nanny slash personal assistant for a wealthy family in the suburbs. She parties like Tara Reid in the 2000s, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t a good person.

After dinner, Eric texted me and invited me to spend the night so I went home and packed a little overnight bag. We watched reruns of Chopped, fucked, and snuggled until we passed out.

pillows.

The show started at 7 so I planned on being out of the office by 4:30 to have enough time to get ready. Our weekly staff meeting started at 3 and wrapped up at 4:34 which is super annoying because they usually last no more than an hour. I shoved everything into my bag and tried to escape quickly, but Whitney had other plans. She followed me out of the conference room and cornered me in the hallway.

“Reese, hi,” she said sweetly.

Whitney was that girl in high school who was pretty and nice, but fucking annoying because she was an overachiever and sucked the teacher’s butt. And she knows everything about everything and always has to be right – even when she’s not. We both started out doing social media and had a silent competition when the director position came open. I obviously won and she’s not too happy about it.

“Hi Whitney,” I said, looking at my Marc Jacobs watch. 4:37.

“Hey. I just wanted to touch base with you quickly because the warehouse sale is in just three weeks and there’s no advertisements about it. I’ve been talking about it a ton on Facebook and Twitter, of course, but we have to do more than that. Have you reached out to the radio stations and magazines?”

The bitch is so condescending. I’m effing great at my job and I certainly don’t need any help from her on it. And technically, it’s not even my job. We have an entire advertising team who is responsible for that kind of thing.

“Thanks Whitney, but I have it under control,” I said quickly.

“Okay,” she nodded. “Diana and I are just a little concerned that we haven’t seen anything. This is our first warehouse sale so we really need it to go well.”

“No need to worry. The sale is going to be a hit.” I started to walk around her, but she blocked my path and flagged down Diana, who was walking out of the conference room.

“Diana! I’m so glad we ran into you. I was just relaying our concerns to Reese.”

I rolled my eyes as Diana joined us.

“I’m sure you and the ad team have a plan, but I wanted to make sure the timeline is right. We’re only three weeks out.”

If you aren’t on Diana’s good side, she will be your worst nightmare. She’s a middle aged ice queen with perfect white blonde hair and a killer wardrobe. She joined the company after spending a decade with a luxury interiors company in New York City. She has high standards and has no problem calling people out on their shit. Not me though. She loves me.

“We have everything ready to go out on Monday,” I assured her. “We are all so excited for this. It’s going to be a big success!”

Diana clapped her hands together. “I knew you had this taken care of. That’s my girl.”

I gave Whitney a sweet smile and looked down at my watch. 4:42.

I started to tell them I needed to get going, but Whitney proceeded to share all of her advertising ideas and rattle off every major outlet we should promote through. As if we hadn’t thought of all this already. But I still want Diana to believe I’m a perfect little peach so I stayed there and listened politely while occasionally checking my watch.

At 5:03, Diana announced that she needed to get home to her kid and I took that opportunity to sneak out with her. I finally got back to my apartment at 5:30. I don’t know about you but an hour and a half is just not enough time to get ready for a date. So I quickly showered and slipped into a tiny little vegan leather dress (per Eric’s request), Stuart Weitzman booties, and a black lace Cosabella thong just in case. I ran a curling wand through my hair and put on the basic makeup essentials: foundation, concealer, setting powder, bronzer, eight coats of mascara, winged eyeliner and YSL’s Exiqusite Plum lipstick.

Eric met me down in my lobby and pulled me into an embrace.

“Reese, you look sexy,” he greeted me with a bear hug. His lips brushed across my neck and it instantly made my heart rate quicken – that sexting sesh definitely changed our dynamic. At first we were just two people politely dating, not quite sure what the boundaries were. Now it was palpable sexual tension.

The comedy show was fun I guess, if you’re into that sort of thing which I’m not. Eric seemed to enjoy it and would look over and make sure that I was laughing at all the key points. So then I would pretend to laugh all daintily so I wouldn’t ruin my lipstick. Life is so complicated.

Afterwards we walked down the block to the bar. He ordered us Coronas and we settled into a spot in a corner of the bar.

“So what’s new with you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks,” I said. In actuality it had only been five days, but who’s really counting?

Eric took a swig of his beer. “Just going to rehab for my leg. I’m almost back to health. And trying to get the place finished. I picked out a backsplash yesterday.”

“I hope you chose the mother of pearl tile,” I said.

“Of course I did,” Eric smiled. “You picked those out and you have great taste.”

Obviously.

“What’s new with you?”

“I just secured an awesome deal with a batik artist out of Indonesia. It’s supposed to be secret, but I’m just so excited!” I practically squealed.

The only people who knew about the deal were Diana and our president, Dave. The contract hasn’t been drawn up or signed yet so they want to keep it under wraps until then. It’s so exciting though!

“Awesome job! You’re such a hardworker, Reese.” Eric put his arm around my shoulders.

“Thank you! I get my work ethic from my dad. He started out as an intern for a Fortune 500 company and now he’s one of the financial operators. He’s so dedicated. You should meet him,” I babbled.

Eric nodded and quickly put the Corona bottle to his lips.

“Anyway, we’re going to collaborate on a line of bohemian inspired pillows, rugs and curtains. My boss said if it does well, we’re going to carry the line permanently. And I’ll get an amazing bonus, which means I could finally get the Givenchy Antigona bag I’ve been wanting. I know that like, everyone has it now, but I still have to have it…”

Eric was looking at me with his eyes glazed over and his mouth curled into an amused smirk.

“Come here,” he said, pulling my barstool close to him. And then he grabbed my neck and kissed me – nibbling my lip and probably getting a mouthful of lipstick. His scruffy face was rubbing against my cheek and it tickled. I began giggling.

He pulled away and studied my face. “What?”

“Your beard tickles,” I said, running a hand across his pricky face.

Eric gave me a relieved looking smile. “You are so cute. Do you want another drink?”

I got a mojito then a vodka Sprite and then I convinced Eric to take a tequila shot with me.

At this point I was bouncing up and down in my barstool, dancing to that annoying ass “Happy” song.

“Hey,” Eric said. He put his hands on my shoulders to steady me. I continued swaying on my seat. “Do you want to come help me pick out pillows?”

I knew what that was code for so I nodded. He paid the bar tab and we made the short walk to his condo. In the elevator, Eric grabbed my ass and pulled me close to him, planting kisses on my neck. That’s my spot so I let him go on for a moment and then I pulled away.

“What kind of pillows do you have in mind?”

He shrugged and pulled me close, kissing me on the lips. Probably so I would shut up.

Eric didn’t bother turning on any lights and immediately led me to his bedroom. It was dark but from the light coming in from the floor to ceiling windows I could see a kind sized bed and a mound of pillows.

“Looks like you have enough pillows already,” I said, turning back to Eric. He was unbuttoning his shirt and I watched his massive fingers meticulously handle each button with lust in my eyes.

Then he pulled his shirt off and before I could take in his shirtless body, he pushed me back on the bed and kissed me. Without taking his lips off me, he pulled off my booties, ran a hand up my inner thigh and started rubbing me just like he said he would. His lips trailed down to my neck – my spot – and his finger was moving in vigorous little circles. I was panting like a puppy and I felt my legs starting to quiver.

Suddenly he stopped and climbed off me, but only to rip his jeans down to his knees. He quickly pulled my dress over my head, leaned back down and whispered, “Is this what you wanted, Reese?”

I nodded.

And then without taking off my thong, he rammed into me so hard and quickly that I gasped. He grabbed a fist full of my hair and kept pushing and pushing until the bed started banging against the wall. His poor neighbors.

He buried his face in my hair and kept moaning my name over and over which has never happened to me before but it was really hot. The combination of him moaning my name and his perfect penis made me orgasm hard. He let out one last low groan and collapsed on top of me.

Eric doesn’t strike me as much of a post sex cuddler, but he pulled me close and spooned the shit out of me. We laid there in silence for a moment and then he said, “Maybe dark blue or green.”

I was in a groggy, coitus induced hangover, so I was like, “Huh?”

And he said, “Pillows.”

sexting.

Work has been kind of busy so I had to decline Eric’s invitation to hang out on Tuesday evening. We had a photo shoot for our Nantucket Cottage line that kept me in the showroom until 10:00 PM. I was in charge of making sure the lighting, props, styling, and background sent the perfect preppy and nautical message we were going for. Basically I was running around in my Gianvito Rossi pumps, yelling at anyone in my path and demanding more chai tea. Even though the Nantucket Cottage line was not my vision, Diana was counting on me to make it come to life. Plus The Devil Wears Prada is an inspirational movie for me.

Yesterday was Wednesday so Kendra and I went out for small plates, martinis and gossip. Since Preston had the night off, he decided to join us.

Kendra started telling us about the weekend trip she took with her boring boyfriend, John. John is doing his medical residency or whatever and is always busy. I know their lives sound super successful and promising but they have the most boring relationship on earth. Mostly because John doesn’t drink alcohol or go to bars or clubs, and rides his bike ten miles a day for “fun.” He’s weird. But Kendra seems to be in love with him and I can’t hate on that.

“We went to two art museums and an aquarium. It was lowkey, but actually really fun,” she said.

Preston let out an audible yawn. “When are you two getting married?”

“After he finishes his residency,” she said, matter-of-factly. “We aren’t in any rush.”

“You should probably enjoy your time before you spend the rest of your life looking at old art and not drinking,” I pointed out sweetly. I can only imagine how dreadful their life as a married couple will be.

“How are things going with that baseball player? Have you scared him away yet?” she asked, equally as sweetly.

“Actually no. Things are going really great. We haven’t seen each other since Sunday, but he texts me all the time just to check in. He’s so thoughtful,” I said.

Kendra looked at Preston. “But what Reese failed to mention is that Eric overheard her telling me that she wanted to sleep with him. So I’m sure that’s his motivation.”

Preston let out a low cackle. “That reminds me of the time you accidentally sent that guy you worked with a nude picture and he wouldn’t leave you alone for months. God, you’re such a hot mess, Reese, I love it.”

While they giggled, I drained the rest of my martini and then three more. When I started SnapChatting pictures of my cleavage, Kendra took me home.

I got inside and took a long shower, put on a robe and checked my phone. Eric had sent me a text: “Hey gorgeous. I hope you had a relaxing day.”

I was so happy to hear from him so I said, “Heyyy Eric. I miss you!”

Is anyone else a clingy drunk?

He said, “Me too. I want to see you this weekend.”

“What do you want to do?”

“There’s a comedy show on Friday night. Do you want to go?”

“I’d love to. And then what?”

“It’s right next door to a bar. We could go there afterwards if you want.”

“Okay, that sounds good. And then what?” I pried.

“Whatever you want to do Reese. You’re welcome to come over to my place.”

This got me excited. “Oh really? What would we do there?”

“Anything. You could help me pick out pillows.”

“Just pillows?”

“I need a few more things for the bedroom. And maybe the kitchen. You saw my place. I dont have much.”

“Mmhm. And then?”

“Then we pop in a movie and cuddle on my new sectional. Break it in a little.”

I smiled. “Then what?”

“Hopefully you’re wearing a little dress so I can rub your bare legs during the movie.”

“Okay. Then what?”

“Then I’ll make my way up your dress and rub your pussy through your panties until you beg me to stop.”

“And then?”

“And then I’ll rip your dress off and lick you from your neck to your belly button.”

So Eric and I were sexting. I was now grinning like a chimpanzee.

“Then what would you do?”

“Then I would suck on your nipples while you moan my name.”

“Mmhm. Then?”

“I would slide a finger into you and tease you until you beg me to fuck you.”

That’s when I fell asleep – right in the middle of our steamy sexting sesh. I was still in my robe with all the lights on and my phone in my hand. I didn’t even know I was tired. Oops.

So I guess Eric and I are hanging out tomorrow night. I can’t wait pick out pillows!

why are you single?

I didn’t hear from Eric all day on Saturday and Preston came over that evening with a bottle of red and we split it. He told me all about his Grindr conquests of the week – which were equally as raunchy and wonderful as usual. Preston meets up with guys from Grindr and they have the wildest sexcapades you couldn’t even dream up. I’m either seriously repulsed by this or jealous – I haven’t decided yet.

“So I was in the bathroom at the gay bar having sex with the guy from Grindr while my date was waiting with our drinks. Half an hour later, I found my date and we went back to his apartment and had sex,” he told me.

“Preston, no,” I said. That didn’t even sound sanitary.

“Yes! And then the next day, I talked to this sexy Hispanic guy on Grindr and he wants me to have a threesome with him and his boyfriend. We’re doing it tomorrow.”

See what I mean? I don’t even bat a Dior Show coated eyelash at stories like this anymore.

We passed out on my linen tufted sofa and I woke up with a text from Eric.

“Good morning, Reese. Do you want to grab dinner tonight?”

Is water wet? Is Lindsay Lohan back on meth? Of course I did.

I responded, “I would love to.”

He said he was going to the game during the day but would pick me up around 6 PM. Preston and I met Kendra and Carly for brunch then I dragged Kendra to Bloomys to help me pick out an outfit. Three hours and a $600 credit card charge later, I went home with a striped Marc by Marc Jacobs dress and a Rebecca Minkoff bangle plus a Mara Hoffman bikini to wear to the pool this summer.

We went to a sushi place and Eric ordered pretty much the entire left side of the menu for us plus lychee sake which I was obviously okay with. We ate and drank and by 8:00, I was over on his side of the booth – tipsy. Sake really hits me hard.

“Soooo Eric,” I said, touching his massive bicep lightly. “You’re hot, rich, and super sweet. Why are you single?”

I never claimed to be subtle.

He smiled sheepishly. “I don’t know. I guess I’m still seeing what’s out there.”

It was totally a playboy kind of answer but whatever.

“Why are you single, Reese?”

Even in my drunken state I knew that Eric didn’t need to know the ins and outs of my fucked up dating life, but I was going to tell him anyway.

“That’s a good question. I’ve either been cheated on, lied to, blown off, or left to die. I’ve had really bad luck with guys,” I said.

“Left to die?” Eric’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yes! Turns out it was just strep throat, but I really thought it was the end for me.”

He pulled me close – so close that I was almost on his lap – and planted a kiss on my cheek. “You are so adorable.”

Eric paid for dinner and took me home where we made out in his car for fifteen minutes. Just when I was about to invite him up, he pulled away and said, “All right, Reese. Have a good night,” and basically kicked me out of his car. Which honestly is probably good because I got inside and passed out.

When I told Kendra about our second date she said, “This is how it always starts. Everything is fine and perfect and then after you have sex with him everything goes down hill.”

“Thanks a lot. So what do you think I should do? Refrain from having sex with him from a while?” I asked.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’m sure he’s only giving you this much attention because he knows you want to fuck him,” she said.

Which isn’t true. If Eric just wanted to sleep me with then he would’ve. There have been plenty of opportunities. I think he might just be a really sweet guy.

I haven’t talked to him since our date which is okay because I’m sure he’s super busy like I am.

innocent sex kitten.

Honestly, I did not expect to hear from Eric so soon but on Thursday as I was leaving the office for the day his name popped up on my screen.

“Reese,” he said warmly when I answered. Gawd, the way he said my name made my vaginal region pulsate.

“Hi!” I said, genuinely surprised. “How are you?”

He ignored my question. “I want to see you. Are you free tomorrow night?”

What’s that rule about not being available the first time a guy asks you out? I don’t know and don’t care.

“I am.”

“Good. Let’s get dinner. I’ll pick you up at 7:30.”

I love a man who takes charge.

This called for an emergency styling session so I texted Kendra and Preston to meet me at my apartment as soon as possible. Of course they were already waiting in my lobby when I got home and Kendra didn’t even try to hide her irritation.

“So glad you decided to make an appearance,” she said, rolling her eyes. She had also just gotten off work and was wearing a stuffy navy suit and nude kitten heels. Kendra just got a job as an assistant at one of the biggest law firm in the city – which is why she was dressed like Hillary Clinton. Her outfit was disgusting but she still looked completely gorgeous as usual. Kendra is one of those Rashida Jones type biracial girls – tan skin, light eyes and freckles. She’s stunning. And she’s about 5’9″ with legs that go on forever so she looks good in anything she puts on. Bitch.

We headed up to my apartment where Kendra grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and took a seat on the couch. Preston was already in my walk-in pulling out options.

“I want to say ‘I may look like a wholesome sweet girl, but I’m a freak in the sheets,'” I explained.

“I know the perfect outfit,” Preston called from the closet.

“Please tell me you’re not going to sleep with him tomorrow,” Kendra said, taking a sip of water.

I feigned surprise. “Of course not. When have I ever slept with a guy on the first date?”

“That guy you met in Miami.”

“That doesn’t count.”

Which it doesn’t. Kendra and I went on vacation to Miami last year and I ended up meeting this super hot Miami native. He and I hit it off immediately, so much so that I was convinced he was my soul mate. On our last night in Miami I had sex with him, obviously, because he was my future husband and baby daddy and I didn’t even know the next time I would see him. And it’s not even like we went on a proper date or anything so technically I didn’t “sleep with him on the first date.” I haven’t heard from him since we left though.

“I have the perfect ensemble for you, darling. Come look,” Preston called from the closet.

The kid is honestly a genius. He picked out a printed Anna Sui romper and my black Louboutin So Kates. With a chic topknot it was exactly the “innocent sex kitten” look I was going for.

Work on Friday was filled with back to back meetings so I didn’t have time to dwell on my impending date that evening, thank goodness. I did get a text from Eric at around 3 asking for my address. As soon as I finished my last meeting, I taxi’d home to save time and began the long process of getting ready.

After I showered, deep conditioned, waxed, moisterized, and bronzed, I spent another half hour trying to assemble my hair into the perfect casual topknot that didn’t look too messy. Life is so hard sometimes.

At exactly 7:30 on the dot, Eric called to let me know that he was down in the lobby, getting acquainted with Frank, my doorman. I blotted my Nars ‘Dolce Vita’ lipstick one last time and headed down to meet him.

Even in my five inch heels, I felt tiny in Eric’s large frame as he hugged me. The guy is basically a giant. If I were to estimate, I’d say he is six three and 240 pounds of rock solid muscle.

I can’t lie, I was a teensy bit impressed when he let us into a brand new black Bentley GT. I don’t know much about cars (except how to wreck them), but I know a sexy one when I see it. We went to this cute French restaurant, sat down and ordered wine, seared whitefish, herb roasted fingerling potatoes, haricots verts, and lemon crepes.

“How was your day, Reese?” he asked as we waited for our food.

“Busy,” I told him. “We had meetings back to back all day. We have a big warehouse sale in a few weeks and a ton of collaborations coming up.”

“So your job seems pretty important. How did you get to where you are and you’re only 24?”

“Hard work,” I said, honestly. “I worked my ass off doing social media, public relations and marketing for nine months.”

When I graduated from college I didn’t know exactly what I wanted to do so my mom’s friend hooked me up with a social media assistant job at the home decor company she was the VP of. Then I realized I wanted to do more – and I wanted to be in charge. So I put in 50+ hours a week trying to prove to Diana, mom’s friend, that I could do it. I increased our Twitter followers by close to 6,000 and secured a contract with Nordstrom and the promotion was all mine.

“It’s certainly admirable,” Eric said, revealing a toe-curling dimple in his cheek. I beamed.

“So what exactly do you do?” I asked, even though I knew.

“Well I play baseball,” he responded modestly. “But I’m recovering from a hamstring injury so I’m taking some time off. I also dabble in some stocks.”

We talked some more, ate our food, and finished a bottle of wine. Once the night was winding down he asked if I wanted to come over to give him some pointers on his condo. Now normally, I would’ve declined all demurely, but I genuinely wanted to see his place and give my opinion.

His condo is amazing – two balconies with sweeping views of the city, ten foot ceilings, mahogany wood floors, and a double sided fireplace – but it is definitely in need of some love. We discussed the possible furniture positioning of his huge (especially for Chicago) almost empty living room, a color scheme, and wallpaper/paint options. Then we made our way to the kitchen and while I was babbling about backsplash ideas, he put a strong on the small of my back and pulled my close. And then he kissed me. Hard. His lips were on mine and his tongue found it’s way into my mouth greedily. It was hot.

Then he pulled away, but kept his face an inch from mine. “I’m sorry. I’ve wanted to do that all night.”

Without a word, I kissed him again and he picked me up and planted my ass on the stone counter top so that I was straddling his waist. He kept one hand on my waist and used the other to pull my long hair out of perfectly constructed bun. He weaved his fingers through my hair and pulled me closer and closer like he didn’t want me to get away. I have never felt that irresistible to a guy and it turned me on.

But to my surprise, he was the one who eventually pulled away. He pulled me off the counter, adjusted himself and didn’t try anything for the rest of the evening. And honestly, I was kind of disappointed. I mean, not that I was going to have sex with him but I wanted to be the one to call the shots.

Overall though, I had fun and after he dropped me off at home Eric sent me a text that said, “I had a great time with you tonight, Reese.” So I’m glad the feelings are mutual.

love. at. first. sight.

Okay I know I said I swore off guys, but I would like to retract that statement. At least temporarily. But only because I met an amazing Major League Baseball player last night and he’s effing gorgeous, obviously.

Kendra and I always go to happy hour on Wednesdays after work. We found a place that was having a special on margaritas so obviously I was game. After my last meeting at 4, I changed into a cobalt blue shift dress and Prada flats and hopped on the el to meet Kendra at the restaurant. You’re not going to believe this, but I don’t own a car. It might be because I secretly dream of living in New York City and living the whole pedestrian/public transportation lifestyle. But it’s probably because I got into eight car accidents in two years and my insurance dropped me. And I’m still mourning the loss of my beloved Mercedes E-Class and I can’t bring myself to buy a new car yet.

We sat at the bar reviewing (complaining about) our days and knocking back margs. I’m super animated when I tell stories (especially after three margaritas) so when I was telling Kendra about this annoying troll in my office named Whitney I accidentally elbowed the person next to me’s drink.

Whoever it was grabbed my shoulders to steady to me (and presumably protect themselves from my outrageous gesticulations) and said, “Careful there little lady.”

I turned and I swear it was love. at. first. sight. The guy next to me looked like a fucking Greek god. He had gorgeous olive toned skin, thick dark hair under a baseball cap, a 5 o’clockshadow that said “I haven’t shaved since last week because I’m busy being important” and icy blue eyes. And he was kind of rugged looking in his worn in jeans, like he’d just stepped out of an Eddie Bauer catalog.

“I’m sorry,” I practically purred.

“No worries,” Hercules said, winking. “You seem worked up. Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine. Just went a little overboard,” I told him.

He introduced himself as Eric and offered to buy my next drink (not that I needed it). We got to talking and I found out that he’s 27, single and has only lived in the city for a year. He told me he just purchased a condo and was in the process of renovating and furnishing it. This got me particularly excited because I work for a furniture and home decor company. It was like a match made in interior design heaven.

He excused himself to go to the bathroom and Kendra grabbed my arm.

“Reese, do you know who that is?!” she hissed.

“Eric? Do you know him?” I replied.

“That’s Eric Grant*! He plays for the Cubs!”

No wonder his biceps were the size of cantaloupes.

“He’s effing hot. And he’s probably filthy rich,” I whisper yelled back.

Kendra rolled her eyes. “I’m sure he is. You sound incredibly shallow.”

Aren’t we all at least a little bit shallow? You would choose Liam Hemsworth over Steven Tyler, am I right?

“I want to go home with him,” I declared. Now, I didn’t really want to go home with Eric. That would be slutty. It was an exaggeration meaning “I want to go home with him but only after he takes me on several dates.” Ya know?

Kendra’s eyes flicked above my shoulder and I turned to find Eric standing over me with a smirk on his face. He let out a chuckle and sat back down in his barstool. I gave Kendra the most menacing glare I could muster for not telling me he was behind me.

Eric and I continued chatting, pretending that I hadn’t basically said I wanted to screw him in his barren little condo. We continued chatting for a while longer and he seemed somewhat amused by me, luckily. I kind of felt bad for basically ignoring Kendra but I honestly forgot she was there. Eric and I were really hitting it off. Finally, the friend he came with was ready to leave so we had to say goodbye.

“Can I see you again, Reese?” Eric asked before they departed.

I had to count to three in my head so I wouldn’t sound too eager. “Of course.”

We exchanged numbers and he promised to call me to discuss “furniture options.” I hope that’s code for “exploring each other’s naked bodies.” But only after he takes me on several dates of course.

* = name has obviously been changed.

hot mess in high heels.

Monthly Archives: May 2014