drunk reese strikes again.

On Friday night, Kendra, Preston, Carly and I went to a party at Preston’s boss’s – a cute high rise with scenic city views. It was an intimate little soirée and we had lots of champagne and vodka cranberries. We left at around 10:00 and weren’t ready to stop partying yet so we walked to a strip of bars a few blocks away. 

Preston bought us a round of Patron shots and as soon as I took it, I knew it was going to be one of those nights. We had another round of Patron, danced, took a few of pictures for Instagram, took a parting Patron shot and headed to the next bar. There, I ordered a vodka water. Vodka waters are a sign of desperation and they’re all I drank in college. The fact that I was indulging in vodka waters in my post-grad life was not a good sign. 

At some point, our group had gotten separated so Carly and I worked the bar – flirting with guys and getting free drinks until last call. 

We went outside to find our friends and I finally pulled my phone out of my Rebecca Minkoff clutch (I still had it in my possession. Small victories). I had several missed calls from Preston and Kendra and a text from Eric.

“Come over?” The timestamp said 10:22 PM. It was now 3:38 AM. 

I sat down on the curb (in my white Hudson jeans, ugh) and called Eric. He didn’t pick up and I figured he was probably sleeping.

“Reesie, Kendra says they’re coming out of the bar now. Do you want to get pizza?” Carly asked, drunkly. 

I ignored her and tried Eric again. So what if he was sleeping? Drunk Reese wanted to see him. He didn’t answer and I tried again right away. He finally picked up. 

“Yes?” He definitely sounded like he’d been sleeping. 

“Hey it’s me!” Drunk Reese exclaimed into the phone.

“Dammit Reese! It’s almost 4:00 in the morning!” Eric yelled. 

“I know, but I thought you wanted me to come over,” I said innocently.

“Hours ago. I’m fucking sleeping,” he grumbled into the phone.

“Wow, okay. I thought you wanted to hang out.” I felt the hot tears forming. Drunk Reese doesn’t like being yelled at. Sober Reese would have shouted back, hung up and never talked to him again, but Drunk Reese is much more fragile.

“Reese, I have to be up at 7:00. I don’t have time for this right now,” Eric said, softening his tone. 

“Well you didn’t have to yell and curse at me. I just thought you wanted to see me.” I was actually sobbing into the phone. I heard Preston and Kendra approach us but didn’t bother looking up at them. 

“I want to see you but not right now,” Eric said calmly. “I have something very important to do in the morning.” 

“More important than me I guess. Just like everything in your life,” I cried. 

I heard Preston ask who I was talking to and Kendra say she hoped it wasn’t Eric.

Eric sighed. “Don’t do this right now. I’m really tired. Can we talk tomorrow?”

“It is tomorrow!” 

Eric didn’t say anything.

“You’re so mean!” I was sobbing again and I heard Kendra tell me to get off the ground.

Eric let out a deep sigh. “Fine. Come over.” 

“K. Be there soon!” I said and hung up.

I stood up and turned to my friends with a big smile on my face – as if I hadn’t been bawling my eyes out seconds before. 

“I’m taking a taxi to Eric’s,” I announced. 

“So you don’t want to get pizza?” Carly asked.

“Reese, don’t go bother him. I’m sure he just wants to sleep,” Kendra said. 

“Yeah, with me!” I leaned in and gave them all hugs and then hopped in an idle taxi waiting on the curb.

When I got to Eric’s, he came down and let me in in just pajama pants. I never really stopped to appreciate his huge arms, pecs, 8 pack and delicious happy trail.

“Hiiiiii!” Drunk Reese squealed.

“Shhh. We are going to sleep immediately,” Eric said, leading me to the elevator.

When we got up to his apartment, Drunk Reese realized that she should’ve taken Carly up on that pizza offer.

“Do you have anything to eat? I’m starving,” I said. 

“No,” Eric said, walking to his bedroom. 

I ignored him and flipped on the kitchen light. I opened the fridge and found leftover pizza, leftover Chinese food, cheesecake, and fresh fruit – all of which looked absolutely delicious. 

“You lied!” I shouted, taking the box of pizza out the fridge. It appeared to be meat lovers, something Sober Reese would never partake in, but Drunk Reese was drooling like Pavlov’s dog.

I popped two slices in the microwave with no plate or paper towel under it and set it for two minutes. 

“What are you doing?” Eric asked from the bedroom. 

“Eating your pizza, liar. Can’t believe you didn’t wanna share with me!” 

I hopped up on the counter and texted Kendra letting her know that I was safe at Eric’s. After I ate both slices of pizza I dug into the cheesecake. It was divine. As I was shoveling a huge fork full of cheesecake and strawberries in my mouth, Eric appeared in the kitchen. 

“Reese, what the fuck are you doing?” he asked. 

“Do you want some cheesecake?” I held the box of cheesecake and fork out to him. 

“No. I want to go to sleep.”

I took one last bite of cheesecake and followed Eric out of the kitchen. I took off everything except my thong and climbed into bed.

“Eric, you seem upset. Are you mad at me?” I asked, putting my arm around him. 

He shook me off and said, “No. Just… Go to sleep.”

“K.” 

I rolled over and pinned a few things on Pinterest, commented “you look fugly. xo” on someone’s picture on Instagram, and added a dark selfie to my SnapChat story. Then I turned back to Eric and tapped his shoulder. 

“What Reese?” he asked, clearly fed up.

“Goodnight kiss?” I asked. 

He quickly turned around and kissed me hard. Luckily Drunk Reese fell asleep after that.

I woke up feeling like complete and utter shit. I don’t know who told me I had the right to drink vodka waters. Eric was standing at the foot of the bed, getting dressed and I debated pretending like I was asleep or getting up. My full bladder made the decision for me.

“Morning,” I said, climbing out of bed. I was still naked and my head was throbbing.

“Hey,” Eric said.

I breezed past him to the bathroom and tried to decide if I was going to apologize for my shenanigans. This was the second time Drunk Reese had come out to play at an inconvenient time and Eric was probably so over it/her. But I was drunk, what was I supposed to do? I finally decided that I was going to pretend that nothing happened. 

I left the bathroom and Eric was putting on his hat, preparing to leave. “Do you want a ride home?” 

“Yes. Just give me a minute to get dressed,” I said. I found all my clothing strewn across the bedroom floor and got dressed while Eric sat at the foot of the bed.

“What do you have to do this morning?” I asked, to break the silence.

“I have an appointment,” he said shortly. 

“Oh, that’s nice. Who with?” I pressed on. 

“My physical therapist. It’s starting in fifteen minutes,” he replied.

I assumed that meant I needed to hurry so I finished getting dressed and met him at the door. The car ride to my apartment was completely silent but he leaned over and kissed me when he dropped me off. 

“I hope your thing goes great,” I said as one last ditch effort to smooth things over.

He simply said, “Thanks,” and that was the end of that. 

I spent the rest of Saturday nursing my hangover.

*note: I’m doing a Q&A on the blog next week. Send your questions to hotmessinhighheels@gmail.com.

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why are you single?

I didn’t hear from Eric all day on Saturday and Preston came over that evening with a bottle of red and we split it. He told me all about his Grindr conquests of the week – which were equally as raunchy and wonderful as usual. Preston meets up with guys from Grindr and they have the wildest sexcapades you couldn’t even dream up. I’m either seriously repulsed by this or jealous – I haven’t decided yet.

“So I was in the bathroom at the gay bar having sex with the guy from Grindr while my date was waiting with our drinks. Half an hour later, I found my date and we went back to his apartment and had sex,” he told me.

“Preston, no,” I said. That didn’t even sound sanitary.

“Yes! And then the next day, I talked to this sexy Hispanic guy on Grindr and he wants me to have a threesome with him and his boyfriend. We’re doing it tomorrow.”

See what I mean? I don’t even bat a Dior Show coated eyelash at stories like this anymore.

We passed out on my linen tufted sofa and I woke up with a text from Eric.

“Good morning, Reese. Do you want to grab dinner tonight?”

Is water wet? Is Lindsay Lohan back on meth? Of course I did.

I responded, “I would love to.”

He said he was going to the game during the day but would pick me up around 6 PM. Preston and I met Kendra and Carly for brunch then I dragged Kendra to Bloomys to help me pick out an outfit. Three hours and a $600 credit card charge later, I went home with a striped Marc by Marc Jacobs dress and a Rebecca Minkoff bangle plus a Mara Hoffman bikini to wear to the pool this summer.

We went to a sushi place and Eric ordered pretty much the entire left side of the menu for us plus lychee sake which I was obviously okay with. We ate and drank and by 8:00, I was over on his side of the booth – tipsy. Sake really hits me hard.

“Soooo Eric,” I said, touching his massive bicep lightly. “You’re hot, rich, and super sweet. Why are you single?”

I never claimed to be subtle.

He smiled sheepishly. “I don’t know. I guess I’m still seeing what’s out there.”

It was totally a playboy kind of answer but whatever.

“Why are you single, Reese?”

Even in my drunken state I knew that Eric didn’t need to know the ins and outs of my fucked up dating life, but I was going to tell him anyway.

“That’s a good question. I’ve either been cheated on, lied to, blown off, or left to die. I’ve had really bad luck with guys,” I said.

“Left to die?” Eric’s eyebrows shot up.

“Yes! Turns out it was just strep throat, but I really thought it was the end for me.”

He pulled me close – so close that I was almost on his lap – and planted a kiss on my cheek. “You are so adorable.”

Eric paid for dinner and took me home where we made out in his car for fifteen minutes. Just when I was about to invite him up, he pulled away and said, “All right, Reese. Have a good night,” and basically kicked me out of his car. Which honestly is probably good because I got inside and passed out.

When I told Kendra about our second date she said, “This is how it always starts. Everything is fine and perfect and  then after you have sex with him everything goes down hill.”

“Thanks a lot. So what do you think I should do? Refrain from having sex with him from a while?” I asked.

“Maybe. I don’t know. I’m sure he’s only giving you this much attention because he knows you want to fuck him,” she said.

Which isn’t true. If Eric just wanted to sleep me with then he would’ve. There have been plenty of opportunities. I think he might just be a really sweet guy.

I haven’t talked to him since our date which is okay because I’m sure he’s super busy like I am.

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