three generations of me.

My flight left Chicago at 3:30 on Friday afternoon so I just took the entire day off. Since Carly was off too she agreed to take me to the airport and we stopped to get lunch beforehand. I asked her about the wedding and she said that Chris invited her so she planned on going. Cool. Glad I was left out of those plans. We ended up getting margaritas and getting a little tipsy because why not? 

Except while I was using the bathroom at the airport I dropped my Eddie Borgo bracelet in the toilet after I peed and had to stick my hand in and fish it out. #notsorry and #dontjudge. 

Luckily I slept it off and felt great by the time we landed a little after 6:00. My parents were supposed to pick me up and I couldn’t wait to see them. I called my dad when I got there and he informed me that he was waiting outside my terminal, but my mom was shopping in the gift shop. Of course. I claimed my bag then went and met my dad. After we hugged, we spent twenty minutes looking for my mother. 

We finally found her coming out of duty free with two shopping bags in her hand.

“Oh my God! Look at my baby!” she cried and dropped her bags to hug me.

If there is anyone in the world who is more over the top than me, it’s my mother.

“Hi Mom,” I said.

She pulled away and gave me a once over. “You look too thin. Have you been eating?”

“Of course!” I beamed. Even if it was just my mom, I loved that someone was accusing me of not eating.

“And your hair is getting so long. You look so beautiful!” She hugged me again.

We headed outside and my mom said she had a surprise. I was so excited thinking it might be a Chanel bag or something that benefitted me. Instead, we got out to the parking lot and she led us to a brand new BMW X6.

“I got a new car!” my mom exclaimed.

“Why?” I asked. Her previous BMW was still fairly new and in great condition.

“Well, it was time and I’ve been eyeing this one. Isn’t it great?” 

I turned to my dad. “Daddy, you let her get this?”

My dad shrugged. “I had nothing to do with this.”

“When you got a new car, I got inspired. Isn’t it perfect? Get in!”

On the way home, she rambled on about all the features and how much she loved her new car. Super obnoxious. Didn’t she want to know about me?! I had so much to tell her.

Our house is in a planned community just north of downtown Houston and I was so nostalgic when I saw my childhood home – a modern but charming, 4/3.5 on a cul-de-sac. So many good ass memories there. I dropped my stuff off in my old bedroom which my mom has turned into her spare closet and makeup room. My dad told us he had an important call to make so he hid out in his little office while my mom and I sat around the kitchen island with wine.

“So I have a bomb to drop on you,” I said.

My mom gasped. “You’re pregnant.”

“No, Mom! God!” I scoffed giving her a dirty look. Of course that was the first thing she assumed. She is so dramatic.

“You’re moving back home?” she guessed again.

“No.”

“You wrecked your car?”

“No, Mom. Why don’t you just let me tell you?” 

“Okay, fine.”

I took a sip of wine to keep the suspense going a little longer. Then I said, “I have a boyfriend.”

My mom gasped louder than when she thought I was pregnant. “You have a what?”

“A boyfriend,” I repeated.

My mom looked at me and smiled, almost like she was proud. “Well, who is he? What’s his name?” 

“His name is Brady. He’s a pharmacist from Massachusetts,” I said. I felt so dorky trying to describe him. “Carly is dating his roommate which is how we met.”

My mom’s hand flew to her heart, like she was falling in love with him. “Do you have a picture?”

My favorite picture of Brady and me is one Carly took on the night we all got high. I wondered if my mom would be able to tell that I was blazed. Whatever. Even if she could tell, she couldn’t judge – she told me that she occasionally smokes weed when she goes out with her college friends.

I pulled up the picture on Facebook and showed her.

“Oh, he’s very cute,” she said. “Or should I say ‘hot?’ You look so happy!”

Oh, I was real happy that night. 

“How long has this been going on?” my mom wanted to know.

“Not long. But I’ve already met his parents.”

Her eyebrows shot up. “Really? What are they like?”

“They’re okay. His mom is the CEO of a hospital and his dad is like a state rep or something. They didn’t like me after I told them I voted for Obama.”

“You voted for Obama?” my mom asked, giving me a disapproving look.

“No! I just told them that because I thought that’s who I thought they voted for. I didn’t vote at all,” I explained.

“Okay good.” She looked relieved. “I’m so excited, darling. Are you guys going to get engaged? Married?”

“I don’t know, Mom!” I shouted. “Why are you jumping to conclusions? We just started dating.”

“It’s becoming time for you to settle down, babe. That’s all I’m saying. Does your dad know?”

I shook my head. “No. And don’t tell him! I want to tell him myself.”

“Okay.” My mom pulled me into a hug. “I can tell you are so happy!”

We talked some more and caught up on life. I told her what’s been going on at work with Whitney and she told me to show that bitch who’s boss. Lol thanks Mom. Noted. She said she was going to have drinks with her friends and invited me, but I politely declined. I would rather stay home and watch Teen Mom 2 than get drunk with my mother. 

When my dad got off the phone we hung out in the den and talked for a bit. While we were talking I pulled up Facebook because I needed to make a status letting everyone know that I was in town for the weekend. I had a friend request from some person named Jessica and with all the makeup and filters going on in her profile picture, I didn’t recognize her at first. When I saw that Brady was our only mutual friend, I realized who it was.

BITCH. 

What made her even think she had the right to add me? It’s not like Brady and I are Facebook official, meaning she had to go dig to find me. Creep. I quickly accepted, but only so I could look at her profile.

I was mostly just looking for signs that she and Brady have hung out outside of work, but all I saw were pictures of her in her bikini. Ugh, she’s so thirsty for attention. Like we get it, you have a nice body. I thought about screenshoting her profile and showing Brady that she added me, but decided to wait and see if he brings it up. 

On Saturday morning, we planned on going to brunch with my mom’s parents. My dad and I got in the car and waited for my mom (who was going to sit in the backseat since she decided to take so long). He said that my mom told him that I have a boyfriend so naturally I threw a tantrum since my mom can’t keep her big mouth shut. He said that she told him not to tell me that he knew, but clearly my dad can’t keep anything to himself either. I refused to tell him anything about Brady since I was so annoyed with the two of them. 

By the time we got to brunch, I was no longer mad and I was so excited to see my cute little grandparents. My grandma is exactly like me and my mom – sassy and over the top. Just imagine there being three generations of me. My grandpa is more reserved and quiet and definitely enjoys being at home (unlike my grandma who is always out). When I was growing up, I was a tomboy (if you can believe it) and I would spend a lot of time doing outdoorsy stuff with my grandpa. I can’t believe I used to like, fish and hike and shit. Gross.

The first thing my grandma said when she saw me was, “Who is he?” 

So my mom told them about Brady as well. Honestly, I don’t even know why I’m surprised. She also told my whole family that I got my period the day it happened.

My mom wanted to apologize for her big ass mouth so after brunch we went to the Galleria and spent a really unnecessary amount of money. I forgive her, but I definitely won’t forget.

While we were out at the mall Carly sent me a selfie of her, Brady and Chris that they’d taken at the wedding. Carly and Chris looked okay, but Brady looked so fucking hot and I realized how #blessed he is. And I am too (can’t wait to ride his gorgeous face again). 

On Saturday night, I made plans to go out with one of my friends from high school, Brittany. Brittany is that girl who you can party with every night, but not ever have an actual conversation with. Our friendship is so superficial. I don’t know anything about her except that her go-to drink is a Redbull vodka and we both wear a size 6.5/7 in heels.

Brittany and I went to a nightclub in downtown Houston where she had a table in VIP. Since she’s apparently some sort of Houston socialite (I don’t know of any full time job she has), we were surrounded by a ton of people and kept getting free bottles and drinks.

You guys know what happened next. The highlights I can remember: 

1. I saw a guy I messed around with in high school, caught up with him and let him know that he’s still hot, and we exchanged numbers. Apparently he has some sort of girlfriend though and she was not happy about our reunion. She called me a skinny tramp, but my drunk ass didn’t care. My girl Brittany however, knocked homegirl’s drink onto her lap and had her kicked out of VIP. Thanks Britt.

2. Someone threw a $100 bill in the bartender tip bowl. I took it.

3. I used the $100 to buy everyone Whataburger. Not proud.

4. I drunk dialed Brady and told him how much I missed him, sent him a picture of my tits from Brittany’s bathroom, tried to have phone sex.

On Sunday morning, Brittany woke me up at some ungodly hour. The thing about Brittany is she is so used to partying every single night that she is immune to hangovers. She insisted we go lay out by her pool with our friend Natalie before I had to catch my flight back to Chicago later. I ended up falling asleep by the pool and woke up because my mom called to tell me we were going to lunch.

So naturally I had to order a bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a Diet Coke to cure my hangover. I told my parents about Mark and the beautiful apartment I saw and my dad said that if I was seriously considering buying that he would help me. 

“It’s wonderful that you’re thinking like a grown up and putting your money toward your future,” he said and let me know that he could help with a down payment. Score! 

Then I finally told him all about Brady while my mom sat by smiling and nodding like a stage mom.

“Let me guess, he spoils you and gives you whatever you want?” my dad said in a mocking kind of voice.

Since we were just discussing how mature and independent I was becoming, I denied the accusation. “Of course not.”

“Then why are you dating him?”

Which was cute.

Anyways, until next time, H-Town. ✌️

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i deserve an assistant.

Preston won one of those happy hours where the more people who come the cheaper the drinks will be on Wednesday evening. By 6:30, I was already drunk. Carly, Kendra and John were there along with some of Preston’s coworkers and clients. We hadn’t gotten enough people to get the drinks quite as cheap as I wanted so I needed more people to show up. 

I was brainstorming people to invite when I got the bright idea of inviting Brady to happy hour! I quickly typed an iMessage letting him know where happy hour was and how long we planned on being there. I reread it a few times to make sure I spelled everything correctly and used enough puncuation (six exclamation points seemed adequate) and hit send. I waited a moment for his response and when it didn’t come, I tucked my phone in my purse and partied the rest of the night away. 

He actually never texted me back. 

On Thursday, I texted BJ on my way to work letting him know that I was hungover and needed something to cure it. He was waiting outside my office with a bacon and egg breakfast bagel and a parfait when I got there. I don’t know how he knew, but it was exactly what I needed.

“Jeez, you even look hungover,” he said, following me into my office.

“Fuck you,” I said. I snatched my breakfast from him and set up the feast on my desk. 

“Kidding. You look hot as usual.”

I was too busy chewing a bite of the delicious, but carbatious sandwich to respond.

“What exciting things do you have planned for me today?” BJ asked, in a naughty sounding tone.

I finished chewing. “I have 3,500 new emails. I need you to immediately delete any that don’t concern me.”

“Ah, I get access to your email? I hope I uncover something good. Like your nudes.”

“That won’t happen,” I assured him.

“Damn. Maybe one day though.”

He smirked at me and I rolled my eyes. I got up so he could sit at my computer and I sat in a side chair checking Instagram and Facebook. While he worked on my emails it occurred to me that I hadn’t heard from Martin or Rob. I knew they were as busy as me, but I definitely thought I would’ve heard something (besides an invite for drinks) by now.

Once he finished with the emails, we walked down to the breakroom to raid the vending machine. It just so happens that Amanda and an ad teamer named Aron were already there, drinking mugs of coffee. I almost squealed with excitement. I love awkward situations when they don’t involve me.

“Maybe we should come back later,” BJ said, in a low voice. 

“Nope. I really want a Gatorade,” I said. I didn’t, but I did want to see both of them squirm.

“Hey Amanda. Hey Aron,” I said.

They both said hey and Aron started asking me questions about the campaign they’re working on. I chatted with him for a moment while BJ leaned against the counter engrossed in his phone. Then I crossed the room to the vending machine and Amanda let out a shrill laugh.

“Aron! You’re so funny!” she exclaimed way too loudly.

He said something else and she screamed again. She put a hand on his chest and continued laughing obnoxiously.

God. Could she be any more desperate?

I got my Gatorade and walked back over to them. “What are you guys laughing about?”

Amanda looked taken aback, but quickly recovered and smiled. “Aron said something funny.”

“Oh.”

Amanda poured the rest of her coffee out and practically ran out of there which made me feel kind of bad because obviously I scared her away. But not really.

Later that afternoon I had a meeting with the publisher of a local magazine who wanted to do a feature on our company. I decided to bring BJ along to take notes. It was nice to have a personal assistant and I’m going to ask Diana about hiring one for me full time. I think I deserve it. 

Afterward, we stopped and got froyo which probably isn’t allowed, but whatever. I won’t tell if he won’t. BJ made fun of me for only getting almonds and blueberries on mine, but putting chocolate and gummy bears on it would just be irresponsible.

We ate our froyo on the way back to the office and BJ said, “Try this.”

I scoffed. “No. You have cereal and candy and shit in there. I’m an adult.”

He smirked. “It’s so good.” 

BJ stopped on the sidewalk and backed me into a brick building. He scooped up a spoonful of his melting and dripping froyo and shoved it into my mouth. It annoyed me that it tasted so good. I wiped my chin where some of the froyo had dripped and took a few seconds to chew the Lucky Charms and gummy bears. 

“It was okay,” I said.

BJ licked his lips and stared down at me for way too long without saying anything. He glanced down at my lips and lingered there for a moment then looked back up. I thought he was going to kiss me so I said, “Let’s go!” and walked a foot ahead of him all the way back to the office.

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betrayal.

As expected, I was hungover and miserable all day on Monday and hid out in my office for the majority of the day. I sent BJ out to get me a cheeseburger and a salad. He brought back the goods and stood in my office watching me eat. He totally called me out on being hungover and pretended to be upset that I didn’t invite him out for our shenanigans. As if I would ever. 

I decided to clock out early and on my way out, I had to walk past the interns’ cubicles. I was going to stop by and say goodbye to BJ and remind him that I wanted a green tea frappucino in the morning instead of the usual chai, but the social media intern, Amanda, was hovering over his desk. I could tell by the way she was twirling her blonde hair and her foot was cocked that BJ was sweet talking her right out of her panties. And it irritated me. And then I was annoyed at myself for being irritated. 

The next morning, BJ and Amanda showed up to work together with matching Starbucks cups. I sensed something going on here and couldn’t wait to question him about it. He came into my office and handed me the drink. 

“Morning, boss lady,” he said. 

“I wanted a frappucino,” I said, taking a sip from my hot chai. 

BJ’s curved into a grin. “Shit. I forgot.”

I sipped my latte and wiggled my eyebrows. “So what’s with you and Amanda?”

He shrugged with his hands in his pockets. “What? I’m just having fun.”

By the way he said this I could tell that “having fun” meant they are totally hooking up. And it really pissed me of because that meant I am not the only one he’s been flirting relentlessly with. So I made him run back to Starbucks and get me the frappuncino I wanted and then spend the rest of the day stapling things and doing bitch work around the office.

After work I went home and poured a huge glass of vino and sat in front of the tv. I was almost asleep when I got a picture message from Preston. It was a screenshot of an Instagram post – from that girl Brooke’s Instagram. The picture was of her and Eric from Sunday night at the club and her caption was: “Had so much fun with my favorite boy last night :)” 

In the picture, she was sitting on Eric’s lap with her arms wrapped around his neck. She was a lot prettier than I remembered but still resembled an alien. 

Immediately, I typed her name into Instagram and found her wide open profile. Buried in the numerous pictures of her and her friends out partying and her bulldog, there were several of her and Eric, looking all photogenic and lovey. They all had captions like “out with my boy” and “so glad I got to see my babe today.” The photos dated back to five weeks ago. Wait. Wait. Was Brooke Eric’s girlfriend? He told me they were friends! 

I calmly finished my glass of wine while trying to decide what to do. Eric had given me no indication that he had a girlfriend or was even dating anyone else. Well aside from the whole incident on Sunday night. We hadn’t agreed to be exclusive nor had a relationship talk at all, but I still felt a little bit betrayed. 

Finally, I decided to call Eric. I would politely and calmly probe to find out what I could about his potential girlfriend situation. 

“Hey, Reese,” he said when he picked up. 

“I thought you and Brooke were just friends. Why is she posting all these pictures on Instagram?” I blurted out. 

“What? I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t even have Instagram,” he replied.

“‘Out with my boy.’ ‘So glad I got to see my babe today.'” I quoted from her pictures. “So you lied.” 

Eric sighed. “I didn’t know she was posting that stuff. We aren’t dating.”

“Oh sure. I don’t even believe you.”

“Reese, I don’t want a girlfriend right now so I’m not with either of you. I’m sorry if I didn’t make that clear.”

“Fine,” was all I said. It kind of hurt to hear that Eric had no intention of actually being in a relationship with me. Not that I wanted to. I don’t think.

“Sorry. I don’t want to stop hanging out with you, but I’m not in any position to get into a relationship right now. Okay?”

“Okay,” I said and told him that I had to go. After we hung up, I sat there thinking about what a long day of betrayal I’d had. First, BJ and Amanda and now this. I poured another cup of wine and nursed my wounds. 

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