i can’t afford to lose my mind.

By the time Saturday rolled around, I was so fed up with work that I was actually considering finding a new job. Whitney had completely let her promotion go to her head and was marching around the office giving orders to everyone except me because she knows I don’t play that shit. I finally talked to Diana on Friday morning and she said, “From what I understand Dave gave her the go ahead to work on her projects and we really need everyone’s help to execute them.”

Ugh. Fine. I decided that I would start finding vendors for the winter warehouse sale and even got some responses from two potentials. I emailed Whitney a list of what I came up with and a few minutes later she stopped by my office.

“Actually Reese, I think we have enough vendors, but if you want you can start doing a physical inventory of everything in the warehouse,” she said.

Lol yeah right.

So naturally I was ready to let loose on Saturday. Carly was going over to Brady and Chris’s early to help prepare for the party and I decided that I should probably help too so I didn’t look like some useless girlfriend. I ended up spending forty five minutes on my effortlessly chic topknot so I guess I wasn’t very helpful after all.

In the middle of getting ready, I went out to the kitchen to pour another glass of wine. I was starting things off slow so I wasn’t a complete trainwreck by the time Brady’s friends arrived. I poured a healthy glass of vino then saw a Tupperware container full of cookies sitting on top of the refrigerator. I knew I shouldn’t, but I told myself that I could have just one – only because they were chocolate chip and that’s my favorite. The cookie turned out not to be that great which pissed me off because I wasted calories on it.

I finished getting ready and heard guests starting to arrive. I grabbed my glass of wine and went out to greet people in the living room with Carly. Brady and Chris were in the kitchen pouring drinks and shots while we entertained their friends. Once I finished my second glass of wine, all of my limbs started to get tingly. I thought the wine must be laced with something.

“Carly,” I said, turning toward her. “What’s in this wine? I feel really fucking weird.”

Carly was chatting with two guys, but gave me her full attention. “What?”

I just stared at her head which she cocked to the side and I couldn’t help thinking she looked just like my grandparents’ Shih Tzu. I burst into laughter.

“Reese!” Carly whispered loudly. “You didn’t eat any of those cookies in the kitchen, did you?”

I stood there laughing for what felt like half an hour.

“Reese,” Carly said very calmly. “Those are weed cookies.”

“No wonder they tasted like shit,” I said.

Carly started laughing and I laughed with her. She grabbed my arm and dragged me to the kitchen to find our boyfriends. They were huddled by the sink, drinking.

“Reese had a cookie,” Carly announced.

I gave my best Miss USA smile since they were all staring at me.

“You had a whole cookie?!” Chris exclaimed.

“Hey, don’t judge. I’ll work the calories off later,” I said.

“All I can say is have fun,” Chris said. 

“I should’ve warned you not to eat those,” Brady said to me.

“I am fine,” I assured him.

“They are very potent. You aren’t a smoker and you’re a tiny girl. An entire cookie is going to make you lose your mind,” he explained.

I blinked at him for several minutes and started to get nervous. I can’t afford to lose my mind. If I got any stupider I would probably be fired and have to start peddling on Michigan Ave. Oh my God, what if someone who knows me saw?

“Reese,” Brady said, pulling me out of my nightmare.

“Brady,” I said back.

“Do you want to lay down?” 

“Are you fucking kidding? No! Let’s party!”

So I partied. Since I was already high, Carly ate half a cookie to even the score then we went back to the living room to continue greeting people. Kendra and John showed up, but they immediately went to the dining room where all the sophisticated grown ups were apparently hanging out. I let Kendra know that I think she’s becoming a grandma though.

Eventually I met back up with Brady and demanded he introduce me to his friends because most of the guests I’ve never seen before.

I met a really pretty girl who said she works with Brady at the hospital.

“Oh my gosh!” I exclaimed. “So you must know Jessica? Did you know that she sucked-”

Brady literally put his hand over my mouth to shut me up.

“Reese, don’t,” he said gently.

Whatever.

I also met a guy named Mark who turned out to be the realtor who sold Brady his duplex. Mark was cute and once I found out that he works in real estate, I gushed about how much I wanted to buy a house. We laughed about something for fifteen minutes and exchanged business cards so he can help me find a home. Love him for that. 

Brady had walked away at some point during my conversation with Mark and while I was trying to find him, I ran into Preston and a smoldering dark haired kid who looked like he had just landed from NYC or something. He was so chic.

“Preston!” I screamed and pulled him into a hug that felt like it lasted for twenty minutes. I started laughing.

“Reese, are you high?” Preston asked.

I laughed harder, but managed to ask who his friend was in between my fit of giggles.

“This is Dillon,” Preston answered and gave me a look that told me Dillon is the new guy he’s trying to start the three way relationship with. 

“Dillon, you’re so fucking fabulous. Can I be you?” I asked, but heard the doorbell ring before he could answer.

It turned out to be the pizza delivery man because apparently I ordered nine large pizzas on my company credit card. I don’t even remember doing that, but I proceeded to eat five slices while discussing if all males are colorblind (I think they are) with one of Chris’s coworkers.

I met back up with Brady in the living room and we collapsed on the couch.

“Do you remember when we fucked on this couch on my birthday?” I asked.

“Mmhm,” he replied and looked at someone passed out in the exact spot we had sex. We laughed for thirty minutes.

We started making out right there then Brady said, “I want to fuck you.”

And I said, “I do too.”

He stood up, but I felt like I was glued to the couch.

“I can’t get up,” I whined and toppled over.

Brady grabbed me and dragged me to his room and we immediately started getting undressed. We barely made it to the bed before I slid on his dick and started riding him. We completely forgot about the rager going on outside his door.

Best sex of my life. It felt like two hours of pure bliss. We were both moaning and telling each other how good it felt. I could feel my orgasm building in my body and started riding harder.

“Uhhhh, I love you!” Brady shouted.

“I love you too!” I cried and we both came hard as fuck and fell onto the bed.

We just laid there talking about the different ideas we had for our wedding. I told him that I want a very classic black and white theme and he loved it. We decided that the actual ceremony would be very traditional to please our parents, but do our own thing for the reception. I suggested we cater weed cookies.

When I woke up on Sunday, my mouth felt dry like I was eating baby powder all night. Brady was out cold and I watched tv for a few hours until he woke up. We showered and got dressed and went to brunch with Carly, Chris, Kendra and John. Brady never mentioned the fact that we exchanged the L word (gawd, I can’t even bring myself to say it) and neither did I because obviously it was only because we were under the influence. 

Honestly, the whole night was a blur. I think it was fun though. I kind of feel like I’m still recovering.

And I still don’t know how I’m going to explain nine pizzas on this month’s expense report.

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22 thoughts on “i can’t afford to lose my mind.

  1. AJ says:

    Reese this post had me laughing all the way through it. Can I come to one of your party’s please? Glad you had such a good time, no drama at all, just what you needed I’m guessing! I think this is the first post where no shit went down, and it was still entertaining!
    You are by far one of my favourite bloggers x

  2. Lmao. Literally at work crying I’m laughing so hard. I love you and Brady together. Can you blame the pizza on Whitney? Just kidding… unless you can come up with something 🙂

  3. Lou says:

    Reese-this is my first time posting…I couldn’t resist. I’m one if your more “mature” readers (fuck it, I’m old as dirt) but your blog has me rolling in laughter. This post was pure gold kid.
    I miss my days like this. Not to say I don’t party- but, sigh not this way.
    Continue to speak your mind– don’t become a doormat…and for god sakes, don’t eat the entire cookie!!!! I tripped for two days doing that. Lol
    Thanks for sharing your life…
    Lou

  4. commonsenseshouldrule says:

    lmao
    BEST.
    POST.
    EVER!

    And fabulous timing; I did weed muffins on Friday night and it was beyond ridiculous … I was waaaay too high to get it up though 😐

  5. Lulu says:

    Wow this was one of the best posts ever. I was laughing so hard the whole way through. The one time I had part of an edible, I had two bites and was going insane. It was the greatest time but all I kept saying to my friends (who ate whole cookies) was “how are you alive??!” So I’m glad you’re alive hahaha

  6. D says:

    Still wanna punch a bitch AKA whitney. She clearly seems to think you’re her subordinate. It’s driving me crazy and I’m not even you.
    This post was hilarious though. LOL you and brady are great.

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