time for bed. 

I went out with Carly and some of her friends from high school on Friday night. Carly is a reformed party girl. When we first met we used to go out like four times a week and stay out until the sun came up. We both grew out of that luckily. 

She said some of her friends were in the city so she wanted to go bar/club hopping and I agreed to tag along. I wore shorts, a tight cropped top, leather jacket and booties. I drank an entire bottle of wine before we even left for Boystown. I was so thirsty after not drinking for almost two weeks. We didn’t stay in Boystown for long, just long enough to dance, take a couple of shots and get molested by a drag queen. Normal things.

After Boystown, we cabbed to Lincoln Park to meet some of their other friends. By then I was super drunk and super friendly. I hit it off particularly well with Carly’s friend, Alyssa, who seemed to be almost as crazy as me. We ran into the Lincoln Park bar before everyone else and immediately found two guys who bought drinks for all seven of us.

The next thing I remember is standing in a corner with the two guys and one of them had me pinned against the wall. We were making out. Alyssa was next to me with the other guy hovering over her.

“Lyss,” I said, swatting her arm to get her attention. “Is he hot?” I pointed to the guy who had me pinned against the wall.

She did an exaggerated head turn to get a better view of him then turned back to me and shrugged. I took that as a no so I gave my guy an apologetic look before grabbing Alyssa’s arm and dashing away.

Carly, Alyssa and I are the only ones who made it to the late night bar. I really just wanted food so I went because I knew their kitchen was still open. I sat at the bar and ordered cheese sticks, fries and grilled chicken nachos while Carly and Alyssa talked to some guys. When my food came out, Carly ran over and plopped on the barstool next to me.

“Oooo, cheese sticks!” she squealed, shoving a stick in her mouth.

We started going to town on all the food while talking about Kendra and John and how we haven’t seen Kendra in years (days). Then suddenly I was like, “I’m going to text Brady. I miss him. Do you think he will care if I come over?”

Carly literally dropped the mozzarella stick she was eating and leaned over to grab my phone from me. “Noooooooooo!!

“Whoa, why are you freaking out?” I asked, leaning away from her.

“Seriously, do not text him right now,” Carly said as she successfully took my phone away.

“Why? What’s the big deal all of a sudden? I thought you wanted me to talk to him.”

“Not right now. You’re drunk!” Carly said as if she wasn’t drunk too.

“Who cares?”

“If you want to talk to him, do it when you’re sober and have something more intelligent to say than, ‘Can I sit on your face?’ [That’s what the message I was typing said.] Reese, that boy is in love with you.”

“How do you know? Does he talk about me?” I gasped dramatically.

Carly shook her head. “No. I haven’t heard him say your name since he gave me your things back. He won’t even talk to Chris about you. I think – we think – he’s trying to get over you.”

I looked at her for a minute while trying to blink back tears. “Really? Trying to get over me?”

Is that what I need to do, stop saying his name? Will that make it easier?

Carly nodded and resumed eating. “You haven’t talked in how long? He probably assumes you aren’t going to call.”

“Why would I have to call him?” I yelled.

“Babe, calm down.”

“I feel like I want to cry.”

“Oh, Reese.”

Carly watched me while I started sniffling. I shoved a fry in my mouth to keep myself busy.

“Do you know what will make you feel better?” she asked suddenly.

“What?” I peeked at her skeptically.

“Spa day tomorrow! We can get massages and facials and I definitely need a manicure…”

“So you don’t think I should call him?”

Carly looked like she was getting annoyed with me, but I didn’t care. “No, I don’t. I don’t think you should call him if you haven’t thought long and hard about what you want to say and if you even have any desire to make things right with him. Don’t call him just because you’re drunk and miss him. If he’s doing okay without you then let him.”

I didn’t have an appetite anymore, but continued eating fries.

“Don’t ruin him,” Carly added softly.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” I blew up. “He ruined me!”

“Let’s talk about this tomorrow,” Carly said.

“No! I’m never saying his name again!”

I requested to close my tab and demanded my phone back from Carly. She asked me if I was pissed and I told her that I was fine and just wanted to go home. She watched me cautiously like I was going to do something rash. I hugged her goodbye before I ran outside and got in a cab. Does anyone else always talk their cab driver’s ear off? I do. But I only got halfway through the Reese and Brady saga before he dropped me off.

“K thanks! Have a safe night! Love you!” I said as I got out of the car. I told the cab driver that I loved him. Time for bed.

I didn’t go to spa day on Saturday, but I texted Carly and apologized for being dramatic. She replied, “No worries. Call him if you want to, but please think about it before you do, okay?”

Whatever. I’d lost the urge to call him anyway.

I hung out with Kendra on Saturday since John was out. She said they don’t have a wedding date set and they will probably have a long engagement. They are already looking for places to buy together though in Lakeview. Lucky. When is someone going to wife me?

Preston wanted to go out on Saturday night, but I declined. Then at around 10:30 everyone was posting going out pictures and I suddenly felt so lame for being at home. So I texted Preston and told him I was on my way.

Our Mexico trip is supposed to be this coming weekend and I still planned on going alone (sometimes you just need some me-time), but I’m moving instead! So excited! I ended up going with the first place, the one with the den and private terrace. Chris mentioned in a comment that it sounded like it was more my style and as soon as she said that, I realized that she was exactly right! Thanks Chris!

So anyway after talking to Carly, I decided that I’m not going to call Brady and I’m going to stop talking about him and how I miss him and stuff. I think it’s just ridiculous. Time to move on. Hope everyone had a good weekend!


34 thoughts on “time for bed. 

  1. Not to contradict you, but if you really do miss him, and miss him while you’re sober as well, then maybe you should call him. I thought you were great together. It might be worth at least talking to him. Sorry if this confuses you more.

  2. megg says:

    my heart is so torn for you right now. i’ve been anti-calling brady this entire time. he acted so poorly, but hearing carly’s reaction made my heart hurt and i’m half-tempted to encourage you to reach out to him…but you know what’s best for you. good luck with the move.

  3. courtney says:

    I still think you should call him! You don’t want to end up looking back on him one day, as the one that could have been… You guys seemed so good together, and though, you bickered, he seemed to get you!! CALL HIM GIRL!! :):):)

  4. D says:

    Carly’s explanation hurt my heart too. If he really feels that way, he shouldn’t have broken up with you… Both of you are clearly hurting and miss each other. I actually went through that post being like, “wait, so why did they break up again?”. I really loved you two together 😦 I don’t want to say that you should call him though, because that’s really up to you, but I think it’s something you should sleep on. Good luck with your move girlie ❤

  5. Luita says:

    I gotta say I agree with Carly don’t call him when you are drunk and know what you want to say and what you want the outcome to be. It broke my heart that she said he’s in love with you. Maybe he thinks you hate him and think he’s a loser and would never get back together with him and that’s why you don’t contact him. (Anyone else think I’ve read way too many romance novels, haha 😜). You do what’s right for you Reese.
    Good luck on your move, I hate moving, but being in a new place is fun!

  6. Cynthia says:

    Ok, Im confused. Nothing Carly said was bad. Why wouldn’t you call Brady after what she told you? I think you should reach out to him. Sober. Reaching out does not mean that you guys will get back together. It might give you both the closure you need.

      • Reason says:

        If you can’t reach out to him and not create drama, don’t call. If you can reach out to him and be mature and you WANT to talk to him, by all means call him. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks you should do.

  7. Y says:

    So I kind of agree with everyone that says you should call him. Not because I think you should get back together (at least not right away). But I think you are both hurting and both don’t know what the other is thinking. I think it would be good for you guys to have an open conversation and put everything on the table. Brady needs to tell you why he broke up with you and all the other things he is feeling and you should do the same. I think that regardless of hpw you both decide to move forward you should both accept blame for the part you played and move forward. This way y’all can both move on if you want to without the weight of never knowing. I do think you were great together and clearly loved each other but were both horrible at communication. I also do think that you avoided taking responsibility and owning up to your shit which is something you should work on regardless of what happens. If you don’t want to go on the trip anymore, how about you ask Brady if he wants it? It was his birthday gift right? And maybe that could open the lines of communication for you two. I’m really glad Carly redeemed herself cos I thought she was being a bitch

  8. Ana says:

    I agree. If you miss him and constantly have him on your mind then you should think if it’s because you feel alone or because you truly miss him. From what you’ve told us, it seems as if you miss HIM. Even when you were with Carly’s brother you were thinking about Brady. I agree with Carly that you should think about what you’re going to say and whether it’s something you’re willing to work on (if he is) or if it’ll just be closure so that you’re not wondering “what if”. Many times couples have to take a break or break up to really realize what went wrong, and when they give it a new shot they know what to do to make it work and they do! I really hope you decide to reach out to him, but it is up to you!

    Your new place sounds amazing, good luck with your move and the new place 😊

  9. Sara says:

    The general consensus is you should call Brady and I agree. He got you. You love him and according to Carly, he loves you. Who knows why he did what he did, but maybe he regrets it and didn’t reach out to you because he was afraid of being rejected. Chances are he is NOT doing OK and has simply bottled up his heartbreak along with all the other emotions he keeps locked down in his psyche. And why would you ruin him? It sounds like he is in denial and you are being stubborn (you admit to this trait, so don’t deny it.) You keep saying you don’t know what to say to him how about “I miss you. Can we talk?”. I mean how do you REALLY feel about getting back together with him? What if he was willing? Seriously. Yeah, he fucked up, but don’t we all from time to time?

      • Sara says:

        Well, there’s your answer, then. If that’s the case, probably best to follow your own train of thought and stop talking about him any more.

  10. Rachel says:

    It’s always nice to get closure….and I don’t think that you got any of that with Brady. Maybe call him just to talk things out and then decide whether or not you want to tease the idea of getting back together.

  11. I think you should just call him. He’s obviosuly feeling the same as you are.
    You’re both being stubborn. Call him and talk. When you’re sober. You’ve always been more Dominant Than him so you calling him isn’t off track. And he’s probably thinking you don’t want to hear from him.

    I Dunno…. You guys worked and I think it’s so silly for you to not call him.

  12. Well… If you feel like talking to Brady might bring you closure, I say call him. But just make sure it’s what you want. Carly may have a point.

    Aww, yay!!!! I’m so glad you picked the first place. What can I say? I guess I know my fellow Chicago blogger pretty well 😉
    So excited for you!

    Chris 😘

  13. I’m also of the opinion that you should call Brady. It doesn’t even have to mean that you are getting back together, but to just talk things through and to see where both your heads and hearts stand. I agree you should think about what you want to say and then give him a call. If things go well on the phone, maybe ask if him if he’d like to meet for coffee or lunch or something and continue your conversation. Honestly, the break-up was so abrupt and the way you explained it made it seem like you both just kind of blew up. The two of you had seemed like you were bonding so well and having fun together. I doubt that he intended to break up with you when he did. It feels like maybe he just didn’t know how to not upset you and that is why he said he couldn’t do it anymore. That’s just me guessing though. I think if you call and talk things through with him at least there won’t ever be that thought in the back of your mind that says “Maybe if I’d called him things could have been different.” And also if it doesn’t work out, then you’ll both have closure and can move on. My two cents. 🙂 Good luck, Reese!

  14. London says:

    I’ve been a silent reader. But I just wanted to point out some things.
    1. The drunk mouth speaks the sober minds thoughts.
    2. Brady made you a better you…most of the time.
    3. Don’t mean to offend..but you’re a brat. I was too when I was younger. But it sounds like Brady had to mature much earlier then you.
    4. If you get your shit together and take down your walls, and be a better you, you might be able to get Brady back.
    5. Men don’t show emotion like women. Brady was trying to give you his whole self. You didn’t give the same. And if you ever want a man to wife you, you need to give what you get and get what you give.

    You make love too complicated. Who cares who broke up with who and who calls who first. If it’s real, those little details don’t matter.

    Good luck. I hope you figure out what/who truly makes you happy in life. Keep writing. I’ll keep reading. 😉

      • London says:

        Reese, I’m not trying to hurt your feelings. Just calling it like I see it. I’m an outsider. Outsiders can always see what you cant. And while yes we only know what you tell us….sometimes it’s enough to still see something you dont.

        I’m not saying my comment is 100% correct..but some of us commenters are seeing the same things, so…that’s gotta be worth something, right?

        it seems deep down you really know what is right for you, but can’t seem to make it happen. And…alcohol is a crutch. Learn that now. No GOOD decisions are made with the help of alcohol. Think about the negative actions or bad choices you have made since you started this blog. I bet most of them were with the assistance of Alcohol. Now, just think, if you didn’t drink that choice/action might have been done differently. Stop drinking to drink and get drunk. Your headed to your 30’s and that’s not a thing any more. It’s about life. Finding some one to love and be loved by and having a more fulfilling Future.

        You have so many amazing possibilities ahead Brady or No Brady. So make up your mind and make it happen.

  15. Janet says:

    I haven’t commented in a long, long time. I think Brady had so much going on in his mind (work, his brother, etc.) that he felt like he couldn’t give you all of him. When you guys broke up you said he kept looking at his phone and finally said he couldn’t do this anymore. You were venting about work and maybe he felt like he couldn’t give you the support you need. (We can all agree that his parents did a pretty crappy job of showing him how a healthy relationship should look like and how to interact with a loved one.) He looked at you like you were crazy (about his phone) was because you were stressed and acting crazy. (Don’t worry I do that same thing when I am stressed and my husband gives me the same look some days. And especially when he is on his phone and I am talking. Seriously this happened like 10 minutes ago.) Maybe he feels that some other guy could support you more and he chose to let you go. Maybe the reason he never opened up completely was because he 1) honestly doesn’t know how (due to his “parents”) and 2) he didn’t want to burden you with it because he knew what you were dealing with (because you have slowly learned to open up).

    Without a doubt he cared very deeply about you and probably still does. You cared and still care about him. You saw a future life with him. He saw a future with you. In the end that is what matters. It comes down to how much do you really want it. That night when you dragged him out when he was stressed really showed how you two could be. It was very sweet and obviously was two people in love. I do think you need to talk to him but it doesn’t need to be face to face. In the end it is your guys’ relationship and who cares what your friends think. Here’s what I suggest. First while you are drunk write down everything you want to know and what you miss about him. Then once you are sober, look at the list. Take a break and then look at the list again. You have his email address? Then write him an email with what you decide to send. You have reached out first but then immediately put the ball in his court. A lot of times it is easier to get your feelings and thoughts out there with written communication than it is in person.

    Hopefully this made some sort of sense. My kids and husband interrupted me so many freaking times. LOL

  16. Amber says:

    I don’t think it would be wrong to call him but if it were me, I wouldn’t. Do you want to get back together with him and be back to how things were with you trying to get him to open up? Would things really be the same or would you worry that you will get even more invested in him and then he may pull the same thing again and end things out of the blue? That is why I think he needs to take the first step to reach out to you– to prove that he will fight for you and that he wants to change things for the better. I know you weren’t perfect either but he needs to value your feelings too and make an effort to start communicating better. Like you have said before, you can’t force him into a relationship with you and he has to want to make things better too. Anyway, good luck!! Glad you found a new place to live! Things will work out for you both personally and professionally — you are an awesome person!!

  17. Raycheese says:

    I think Carly and Brady have had a more in depth conversation about your break up than she’s letting on. She clearly knows something you don’t and she should tell you dammit! Its driving me nuts!! I want to know the method to this madness!

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