I sulked all week and really did nothing except work, go to the gym and cry at the comments on the blog. Everyone knew what happened and wanted to offer their advice. Preston thought I needed a rebound hook up and Kendra and Carly thought I should reach out to Brady because he’s passive and obviously isn’t going to reach out to me. I disagree. He’s the one who broke up with me, why would I reach out to him? Why should I have to call him and be like, “Are you sure?” He’s a grown up.
On Friday, I worked with the manager of the Chicago store, Leah, and she sensed something was wrong. So I spent the day telling her about me and Brady’s relationship then ending it with how he abruptly dumped me. She said, “Oh Reese, you poor thing.”
I was kind of sick of all the pity from everyone so I was like, “It’s fine. I’m not worried about it.” Which was obviously a lie.
Leah could tell.
“You should call him,” she said. “He probably misses you terribly.”
“So? He decided this. This is what he wanted.”
Leah looked at me sympathetically for a moment until she realized that I wasn’t budging. “Well, it’s my friends birthday tonight and we are all going out. You should come!”
I waved her away. “I’m fine. I’m going to go to the gym then get in bed. That’s what I do every night now.”
Leah put her hand on my arm. “I insist. Please come out! You’re always so fun and bubbly. I don’t like seeing you like this.”
Since she was being so nice I told her that I would think about it. I went home and hit the gym for two hours like I promised myself then I showered and got in bed. All my friends were busy – Preston was going to Boystown with a boy, Kendra was out of town with John and Carly was at Chris’s. I really wanted to lay around and feel sorry for myself but decided I wasn’t going to let Brady ruin me/my social life.
I put on a black lace minidress, tights, and black booties with straightened hair and vampy maroon lipstick. We met at Leah’s friend’s apartment to pregame/take pics for Instagram and I even posted one where me and my new friends looked super cute to Facebook in case Brady logged on.
We started off at a lowkey place with wine and appetizers. Leah’s friends were nice, but I was a little annoyed at how prudish they were. They were standoffish to every guy who approached us, scoffed at people who were dancing and started yawning around 11:30.
I think Leah felt the same way so we suggested we all go to a bar that we knew would be more wild. We were celebrating a birthday, for goodness sakes. The next bar was a lot more crowded and the music was louder and everyone seemed to be inebriated. Perfect. Leah and I went to the bartender and ordered six tequila shots. As soon as we cheersed and took our shots, I turned around to hide my grossed out shot face and ran right into Carly’s brother, Kyle.
“Hey you!” he exclaimed, grabbing me. Kyle is so hot. I quickly tried to recover.
“Hey! How have you been?” I asked. We hugged.
He told me about how he’d moved into a condo not far from my apartment and I asked why he didn’t tell me sooner, I needed to welcome him to the neighborhood!
“Well, you’re with that guy. I don’t want to intrude or anything, you know?” Kyle said. I knew that he didn’t care about intruding by the way he was looking at me and touching my hip.
“Not that it matters, but we broke up,” I said as nonchalantly as possible. I think I sounded like a bitter bitch though.
“I’m sorry to hear that. Are you okay?”
I shrugged. “I’m fine. I don’t even care.”
Leah grabbed my shoulder and shoved a drink in my hand and told me we were going to the other side of the bar. I told Kyle I would find him later. Leah’s friends were still being kind of lame, but luckily Leah was still down to have fun. We mingled and drank and I was actually having fun and not feeling super depressed.
A few drinks later (I was still buying my own #independent), I ran into Kyle again on my way out of the bathroom. We started talking and found ourselves sitting at one of the long hightop tables. He asked why Brady and I broke up which I don’t think he had any right to ask. But whatever. I made up some vague “mutual decision” excuse and he started telling me how amazing I am and blah blah blah. Then he pulled my face toward him and we started making out.
When we pulled away, I felt this rush surge through me. Not like fireworks or butterflies or anything ridiculous like that – it was like an adrenaline rush from kissing someone new. Is that bad?
A little while later we went our seperate ways and Kyle told me to keep him posted on where we ended up going. Leah’s friends got tired and went home, but Leah and I went to another bar, met some guys to buy us drinks, danced, then went home. I had fun with Leah. She’s one of those genuinely nice people who doesn’t have to try too hard to be nice.
When I got home Kyle texted me asking where we were. I told him that we’d called it a night and I was at home (I left out the detail that I was drunkly heating up a frozen burrito).
He said, “Do you want some company tonight?”
I replied, “Maybe.” I knew what “company” meant and I wasn’t sure if I wanted any. I did want to tease him a bit, regardless.
Kyle sent back a smiling emoji and asked for my address. I debated with myself for about fifteen minutes then I grabbed my phone and typed in my address. Then I threw my phone down and chugged a beer I found in my fridge. I didn’t know what to do. Why was I allowing Kyle to come over? I knew it was a bad idea, even in my drunken stupor. I think I was just enjoying the attention a little too much.
Kyle texted me when he was downstairs and I decided to go get him instead of buzzing him up. Luckily my normal doorman wasn’t working and couldn’t see me bringing home a different guy. Can’t have him judging me.
When we got up to my apartment I told Kyle to sit on the couch and I got him a beer and asked if he wanted a burrito. He did and the one I planned on eating was the last one I had. I was annoyed, but still gave it to him. While he ate my last burrito, I ran in my room to change. I was just wearing a t-shirt when I peeked back out to the living room and Kyle saw me.
“Look at you! Come here,” he said and I ran to take cover because I was half naked.
Kyle followed me into my room and spun me around so he could kiss me. He was kind of trying to walk me back to my bed, but I pushed him away. If this was going to happen, it was going to be on my terms.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“Get on the bed,” I instructed.
He did, but grabbed me so I was on top of him. I pushed him back and we kissed for a while. Then he said, “Do you have a condom, Reese?”
I sat back up and shook my head furiously. Kyle shrugged and said, “I might have one. Just a sec.”
He quickly pulled a condom out of his jeans pocket without having to look at all. At the time I was like whatever, at least he came prepared, but now I’m just annoyed because obviously he came over expecting to get some.
So we had sex. Well, kind of. He pushed his pants down a bit and put the condom on then we started having sex with me on top and both of our shirts still on. It started off fine and I was even enjoying it. And then I made the mistake of looking down at Kyle. Don’t get me wrong, Kyle is beautiful, but he’s just not Brady. And he’s Carly’s brother who she’s told me a million times is off limits. And the way he was just laying there, looking all smug like “Ha, I finally fucked her,” made me lose it. I started crying.
Kyle didn’t notice at first until I started sniffling. He looked at me and saw that I was crying and said, “Uh…are you okay?”
I wanted to shout, “Do I look okay?!” but instead I dismounted and sat on the bed next to him. By then I was bawling. Rebound dick was the worst idea ever.
“Reese, what’s wrong?” Kyle persisted.
I glanced at him, laying on my bed with his penis out and I just felt gross. I don’t even think I’d changed my sheets since the last time Brady and I had sex in my bed. I was disgusted.
“I think you should leave,” I managed between my sobs.
“Uhh,” Kyle waited a moment, probably to make sure I was serious. “Okay.”
“Please don’t tell Carly that this happened.”
“I won’t.” I heard Kyle get up and pull his pants up and then say, “See you later,” before letting himself out.
Luckily I past out right after that. On Saturday morning, I made Preston get breakfast with me. I had to tell him what happened and how his idea backfired. After I told him the story he said, “Holy fuck. Kyle is so sexy though. Was it big?”
I could barely remember and I really didn’t care. “It was really long. It wasn’t super thick or anything. It was pretty nice.”
“Mmmm, I wanna see it,” Preston said dreamily.
“But that doesn’t change the fact that I should have never had sex with him. I literally hate myself right now.”
“Oh, buttercup, you’re being dramatic. Let’s go shopping after this and you’ll forget all about it.”
“Preston, this isn’t something shopping can fix.” I had to look skyward so my tears wouldn’t fall. I was not going to cry in the middle of a restaurant. “I’m still in love with Brady and I fucking miss him.”
“Here’s what I think,” Preston said and I prepared myself for his brutally honest opinion. “You need to call him. I know, I know, you don’t think it’s your job to have to call him, but if you miss him as much as you say you do, you’ll have to. What do you have to lose? If you don’t call him, he isn’t going to call you and you’ll never speak to him again. If you do call him, he will either want to talk or he won’t. If he does, perfect. If he doesn’t, then whatever. You’ll move on. I can name a thousand guys who would love a chance with you.”
“Wait. You really don’t think he will call me?”
Preston shook his head as he sipped his latte. “He isn’t going to call you, boo. When have we ever seen Brady go after what he wanted? Didn’t you have to shove your tits in his face to get him to have sex with you?”
I did. And it had been exactly ten days since the last time I had seen or spoken to him and I hadn’t heard a peep from Brady at all. I could be dead for all he knows. Does he even care?
Kyle texted me on Saturday morning too. He said, “Hey. I hope you’re doing better today. Let me know if you need anything.” Which was really sweet, but I didn’t respond. Too embarrassed and ashamed.
Later on, I got on Facebook and saw that I had uploaded a really cute selfie of me and Kyle with the caption, “Look who I ran into!” I don’t even remember doing that. Even though it had 72 likes and I looked really hot, I deleted it. Can’t have any evidence.
So yeah. Definitely hooked up with someone I shouldn’t have over the weekend. Preston is the only person who knows because everyone else would murder me. This sounds bad, but me hooking up with Kyle might be a good sign that I’m getting back to normal (not heartbroken and sad). So it’s a good thing, right?! No? I’m kidding. I hate myself.