rebound dick was the worst idea ever.

I sulked all week and really did nothing except work, go to the gym and cry at the comments on the blog. Everyone knew what happened and wanted to offer their advice. Preston thought I needed a rebound hook up and Kendra and Carly thought I should reach out to Brady because he’s passive and obviously isn’t going to reach out to me. I disagree. He’s the one who broke up with me, why would I reach out to him? Why should I have to call him and be like, “Are you sure?” He’s a grown up.

On Friday, I worked with the manager of the Chicago store, Leah, and she sensed something was wrong. So I spent the day telling her about me and Brady’s relationship then ending it with how he abruptly dumped me. She said, “Oh Reese, you poor thing.”

I was kind of sick of all the pity from everyone so I was like, “It’s fine. I’m not worried about it.” Which was obviously a lie.

Leah could tell.

“You should call him,” she said. “He probably misses you terribly.”

“So? He decided this. This is what he wanted.”

Leah looked at me sympathetically for a moment until she realized that I wasn’t budging. “Well, it’s my friends birthday tonight and we are all going out. You should come!”

I waved her away. “I’m fine. I’m going to go to the gym then get in bed. That’s what I do every night now.”

Leah put her hand on my arm. “I insist. Please come out! You’re always so fun and bubbly. I don’t like seeing you like this.”

Since she was being so nice I told her that I would think about it. I went home and hit the gym for two hours like I promised myself then I showered and got in bed. All my friends were busy – Preston was going to Boystown with a boy, Kendra was out of town with John and Carly was at Chris’s. I really wanted to lay around and feel sorry for myself but decided I wasn’t going to let Brady ruin me/my social life. 

I put on a black lace minidress, tights, and black booties with straightened hair and vampy maroon lipstick. We met at Leah’s friend’s apartment to pregame/take pics for Instagram and I even posted one where me and my new friends looked super cute to Facebook in case Brady logged on. 

We started off at a lowkey place with wine and appetizers. Leah’s friends were nice, but I was a little annoyed at how prudish they were. They were standoffish to every guy who approached us, scoffed at people who were dancing and started yawning around 11:30.

I think Leah felt the same way so we suggested we all go to a bar that we knew would be more wild. We were celebrating a birthday, for goodness sakes. The next bar was a lot more crowded and the music was louder and everyone seemed to be inebriated. Perfect. Leah and I went to the bartender and ordered six tequila shots. As soon as we cheersed and took our shots, I turned around to hide my grossed out shot face and ran right into Carly’s brother, Kyle.

“Hey you!” he exclaimed, grabbing me. Kyle is so hot. I quickly tried to recover.

“Hey! How have you been?” I asked. We hugged.

He told me about how he’d moved into a condo not far from my apartment and I asked why he didn’t tell me sooner, I needed to welcome him to the neighborhood!

“Well, you’re with that guy. I don’t want to intrude or anything, you know?” Kyle said. I knew that he didn’t care about intruding by the way he was looking at me and touching my hip.

“Not that it matters, but we broke up,” I said as nonchalantly as possible. I think I sounded like a bitter bitch though.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Are you okay?”

I shrugged. “I’m fine. I don’t even care.”

Leah grabbed my shoulder and shoved a drink in my hand and told me we were going to the other side of the bar. I told Kyle I would find him later. Leah’s friends were still being kind of lame, but luckily Leah was still down to have fun. We mingled and drank and I was actually having fun and not feeling super depressed. 

A few drinks later (I was still buying my own #independent), I ran into Kyle again on my way out of the bathroom. We started talking and found ourselves sitting at one of the long hightop tables. He asked why Brady and I broke up which I don’t think he had any right to ask. But whatever. I made up some vague “mutual decision” excuse and he started telling me how amazing I am and blah blah blah. Then he pulled my face toward him and we started making out.

When we pulled away, I felt this rush surge through me. Not like fireworks or butterflies or anything ridiculous like that – it was like an adrenaline rush from kissing someone new. Is that bad? 

A little while later we went our seperate ways and Kyle told me to keep him posted on where we ended up going. Leah’s friends got tired and went home, but Leah and I went to another bar, met some guys to buy us drinks, danced, then went home. I had fun with Leah. She’s one of those genuinely nice people who doesn’t have to try too hard to be nice.

When I got home Kyle texted me asking where we were. I told him that we’d called it a night and I was at home (I left out the detail that I was drunkly heating up a frozen burrito).

He said, “Do you want some company tonight?”

I replied, “Maybe.” I knew what “company” meant and I wasn’t sure if I wanted any. I did want to tease him a bit, regardless.

Kyle sent back a smiling emoji and asked for my address. I debated with myself for about fifteen minutes then I grabbed my phone and typed in my address. Then I threw my phone down and chugged a beer I found in my fridge. I didn’t know what to do. Why was I allowing Kyle to come over? I knew it was a bad idea, even in my drunken stupor. I think I was just enjoying the attention a little too much.

Kyle texted me when he was downstairs and I decided to go get him instead of buzzing him up. Luckily my normal doorman wasn’t working and couldn’t see me bringing home a different guy. Can’t have him judging me.

When we got up to my apartment I told Kyle to sit on the couch and I got him a beer and asked if he wanted a burrito. He did and the one I planned on eating was the last one I had. I was annoyed, but still gave it to him. While he ate my last burrito, I ran in my room to change. I was just wearing a t-shirt when I peeked back out to the living room and Kyle saw me.

“Look at you! Come here,” he said and I ran to take cover because I was half naked.

Kyle followed me into my room and spun me around so he could kiss me. He was kind of trying to walk me back to my bed, but I pushed him away. If this was going to happen, it was going to be on my terms.

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“Get on the bed,” I instructed.

He did, but grabbed me so I was on top of him. I pushed him back and we kissed for a while. Then he said, “Do you have a condom, Reese?”

I sat back up and shook my head furiously. Kyle shrugged and said, “I might have one. Just a sec.”

He quickly pulled a condom out of his jeans pocket without having to look at all. At the time I was like whatever, at least he came prepared, but now I’m just annoyed because obviously he came over expecting to get some.

So we had sex. Well, kind of. He pushed his pants down a bit and put the condom on then we started having sex with me on top and both of our shirts still on. It started off fine and I was even enjoying it. And then I made the mistake of looking down at Kyle. Don’t get me wrong, Kyle is beautiful, but he’s just not Brady. And he’s Carly’s brother who she’s told me a million times is off limits. And the way he was just laying there, looking all smug like “Ha, I finally fucked her,” made me lose it. I started crying.

Kyle didn’t notice at first until I started sniffling. He looked at me and saw that I was crying and said, “Uh…are you okay?”

I wanted to shout, “Do I look okay?!” but instead I dismounted and sat on the bed next to him. By then I was bawling. Rebound dick was the worst idea ever. 

“Reese, what’s wrong?” Kyle persisted.

I glanced at him, laying on my bed with his penis out and I just felt gross. I don’t even think I’d changed my sheets since the last time Brady and I had sex in my bed. I was disgusted.

“I think you should leave,” I managed between my sobs.

“Uhh,” Kyle waited a moment, probably to make sure I was serious. “Okay.”

“Please don’t tell Carly that this happened.”

“I won’t.” I heard Kyle get up and pull his pants up and then say, “See you later,” before letting himself out.

Luckily I past out right after that. On Saturday morning, I made Preston get breakfast with me. I had to tell him what happened and how his idea backfired. After I told him the story he said, “Holy fuck. Kyle is so sexy though. Was it big?”

I could barely remember and I really didn’t care. “It was really long. It wasn’t super thick or anything. It was pretty nice.”

“Mmmm, I wanna see it,” Preston said dreamily.

“But that doesn’t change the fact that I should have never had sex with him. I literally hate myself right now.”

“Oh, buttercup, you’re being dramatic. Let’s go shopping after this and you’ll forget all about it.”

“Preston, this isn’t something shopping can fix.” I had to look skyward so my tears wouldn’t fall. I was not going to cry in the middle of a restaurant. “I’m still in love with Brady and I fucking miss him.”

“Here’s what I think,” Preston said and I prepared myself for his brutally honest opinion. “You need to call him. I know, I know, you don’t think it’s your job to have to call him, but if you miss him as much as you say you do, you’ll have to. What do you have to lose? If you don’t call him, he isn’t going to call you and you’ll never speak to him again. If you do call him, he will either want to talk or he won’t. If he does, perfect. If he doesn’t, then whatever. You’ll move on. I can name a thousand guys who would love a chance with you.”

“Wait. You really don’t think he will call me?”

Preston shook his head as he sipped his latte. “He isn’t going to call you, boo. When have we ever seen Brady go after what he wanted? Didn’t you have to shove your tits in his face to get him to have sex with you?”

I did. And it had been exactly ten days since the last time I had seen or spoken to him and I hadn’t heard a peep from Brady at all. I could be dead for all he knows. Does he even care?

Kyle texted me on Saturday morning too. He said, “Hey. I hope you’re doing better today. Let me know if you need anything.” Which was really sweet, but I didn’t respond. Too embarrassed and ashamed.

Later on, I got on Facebook and saw that I had uploaded a really cute selfie of me and Kyle with the caption, “Look who I ran into!” I don’t even remember doing that. Even though it had 72 likes and I looked really hot, I deleted it. Can’t have any evidence.

So yeah. Definitely hooked up with someone I shouldn’t have over the weekend. Preston is the only person who knows because everyone else would murder me. This sounds bad, but me hooking up with Kyle might be a good sign that I’m getting back to normal (not heartbroken and sad). So it’s a good thing, right?! No? I’m kidding. I hate myself.


49 thoughts on “rebound dick was the worst idea ever.

  1. Elle says:

    Oh no Reese… I mean its called rebound for a reason, the person is never completely over the ex.
    My opinion is now you might acccctually be able to move on, even though you feel like shit. So maybe calling Brady now would be a step forward. I say you wait 3 days before actually deciding to call him (like getting a phone number in the movies). I say you do a pros and cons list, what are the benefits and losses of calling Brady at this point? In reality do you still want him? Or just the idea of him?

      • Elle says:

        No no, I don’t doubt that you love him. But like you said it has been 10 days, you need to ask yourself truly if at this point, if it’s really worth it. Sometimes we miss the idea of having ‘the one’, the person we send funny pictures to, and text just because. Or the feeling of really not being with the being himself (that sounds intense). And if you, hypothetically, talk to him, get back together, all is well, will things be different this time? You don’t want to be THAT couple, that are on and off every 6 months

  2. Sabrina says:

    Everyone does something a little crazy after a break up! When my boyfriend of four years broke up with me, I disappeared to Hawaii for two weeks. Spent WAY too much money and didn’t tell anyone where I went lol. Wasn’t the safest idea.

    I think you should call him. Personally, the fact that he never gave a real explanation would really bother me. Finding out would give you some much needed closure and perspective of the situation. Then, go from there.

    Also, a lot of respect for airing your real life. You aren’t perfect and its refreshing to see someone own that. You’ve grown a lot over the last few months.


    P.s. I don’t believe we ever heal from heart ache. I think we just get used to the feeling.

  3. Luita says:

    Oh my Reese, this makes me so sad. I’m sorry you made a wrong choice. I’m sorry brady is such a wuss, I keep waiting for him to reach out to you, but Preston is right he may never do it, he doesn’t go after what he wants. Seriously if I were there I would shake him for you!
    You have to do what you think its best for you. If you feel you need to reach out to him, do it. But he would need to make it worth it for you to get back together with him.
    I hope Carly never finds out about her bro. But I wouldn’t have deleted the pic, what if she already saw it? that makes it look like you are hiding something.
    On the bright side at least you didn’t hook up with a rando or Andrew 😱

  4. I reaaaaally hope Carly doesn’t find out. This is weird but this has happened to me too.. It’s normal. You’re obviously not over him and you need some more time. That’s normal boo. You’ll know when it’s time for a rebound. But I’m just drunk. On a Sunday. So what do I know? I just know you’re strong and you’ll get through this with or without Brady.

  5. megg says:

    Totally been there, sitting in bed bawling with a guy laying half naked wondering what the hell just happened. That feeling of heartache and disgust mixed together. Ugh. I’m sorry. It does get better. Always be kind and patient with yourself. You’ll be back in the game better than ever when you’re ready.

    Ps. Stay strong. You deserve someone who fights for you. You did enough. It’s definitely Brady’s turn.

  6. Sara says:

    Straight up:all three of your closest friends who actually know you IRL said you should call Brady. All of us here just know your internet self; they know the real you. Call him. As to what to say? You miss him. You want to know how he is and make sure he is OK. You can’t stand the thought that you might not ever talk to him again. None of these things is begging and you have expressed all these things in the last 10 days. You are not asking to get back together, you are just reaching out. You would be calling because YOU want to and that is not giving in, it’s taking control. This situation is not a competition and you would not be losing if you do this. You do love him; you have said you do time and time again from almost the moment you met him. You tried to have sex with another guy and it was an epic fail because you love Brady still. And Preston is right: the worst case is he says nah and you ask him to box your stuff up for Carly to take to you and close the book. Otherwise you’re going to have this “what if” hanging over your head and that is going to haunt you and possibly continue to slow your healing process.Bite the bullet and do it because frankly, you have nothing to lose. My advice anyway.

    • okay i like the idea of calling to ask how he is because i actually do want to know and i care. this is good advice. i’m going to think about it.

  7. I think Sara gave you some great advice. Call him & if he isn’t as miserable as you & really doesn’t care to speak to you, at least you will know & you will be ready to move on.

  8. Amy says:

    The first time with someone else is always rough, but I definitely think by your reaction you werent even close to ready. I’m so sorry Reese but it can feel absolutely heart breaking. I know how hard it is, especially good being your first real mature relationship, just give yourself some time to heal. Honestly Brady treated you like shit during the breakup, give him time and ask Carly to up yout stuff and just start to rebuild yourself

    • aww. it was like my first real relationship. omg and maybe he’s the first guy i’ve ever really truly been in love with. i’ll never get over him 😦

  9. Part if that sound like, motivational fucking speech, basically drink vodka and do whatever you need to do to fix yourself. Love you, love your blog

  10. D says:

    I have been firmly on team Brady should reach out first, but after what Preston said, I think I’ve switched teams… He’s right, Brady has zero balls and he won’t do it on his own. At the very least it will provide you with closure, but if he does want to get back together, he will reallllllllyyyy need to prove himself because right now he doesn’t deserve you.

    • Elle says:

      I don’t think you need to be insulting Brady, we really don’t know him. And no one should prove themselves to another person, not Reese to Brady, nor should Brady prove himself to Reese. They both had problems in this relationship, it wasnt one sided.

      • D says:

        I didn’t mean it as insult, I’m sorry you chose to interpret it that way (and Reese if you were offended as well). I’m the last person to insult Brady because I always liked him for Reese and was Team Reese and Brady all the way… Generally in this relationship Brady has been relatively passive, so he’s obviously not going to reach out at this point or he would have done so already.
        Also, if he does end up wanting to get back together, Brady needs to prove that he really wants it because near the end of the relationship he was ignoring Reese for his phone (rude and not ok) and breaking up with someone out of the blue with no explanation is also not okay. I’m not saying Reese didn’t have problems in the relationship, (because she did and she has acknowledged them) I’m just acknowledging Brady’s behaviour.
        That’s just my opinion though.

  11. Ashley says:

    Oh, man. I feel really bad for you right now. I’ve never really understood rebound dick as a solution; I think I would end up crying like you if in the same situation. I think it’s really shitty Brady hasn’t reached out to you at all. I guess that’s what a break-up is, but I still feel like there’s more to the story. That part would sincerely bother me, if I were you. I totally see how you’re torn about what to do. I can’t even provide a definitive piece of advice on whether to reach out or not. It’s a tricky situation. Follow your heart.

  12. Y says:

    Yeah. I say call Brady too. But just because you deserve an explanation and some closure. He avoided talking about stuff during your relationship. Don’t let him get away this time. You deserve an explanation for such an abrupt explanation. So reach out to him and ask for a civil conversation. It’s selfish of him to leave you not knowing. So make him tell you why. Anything beyond that like getting back together is his move to make. Just talk to him and take steps to heal yourself. You’re amazing Reese. And don’t worry about Kyle. We’ve all done that. I really hope Carly doesn’t find out. And if she does you could say you took it down so Brady doesn’t see.

    • Sara says:

      I wanted to add to my previous comment. The idea that he will explain himself for you to get answers is setting yourself up for disappointment. My husband’s mantra when I say “why did you do that??!” is almost invariably “I don’t know.” It is a trait I have found in men over and over. The may actually know their own motivations, but when pressed refuse to cop to them by saying they don’t know because opening themselves up like that is too scary. (Women are the stronger sex. I stand by that.) What you will get is his state of mind, for good or bad, and you can decide whether it is worth pursuing. The man I dated before my husband was at last such a SERIOUS asshat about 2 months after we broke up (you would all be shocked, I swear) for me to realize that I would be stupid to love him and was finally able to let go. Let me just say it was a fateful phone conversation. Just remember, this call is for you. If some serious good comes of it like a reconciliation, bonus. But at worst, you will be able to end things more on your terms.

  13. lgburton says:

    Ahhh I’m so sorry about the awk rebound dick 😦

    Leah sounds fun, though, it’s cool you made a new friend.

    I agree that Brady probably won’t budge, ever. But it’s your call on whether or not to talk to him.

  14. this totally sucks but at least it cleared up your feelings for brady a bit. Hopefully it stays buried and you can just use it as a learning experience.

    Buck up buttercup.

  15. Kels0h says:

    I hope to God that Carly does not find out. I had a situation similar a long time ago where I hooked up with one of my best friend’s family members and it was not pretty. Super awkward and I instantly regretted it, but it’s one of those things you can’t ever take back so it just “is what it is,” ya know?

    I really wish Brady would grow some balls. Seriously. I just don’t think you should be the one who has to reach out. Such a cop out. Like, you have the nerve to break up with me, yet you want me to come crawling back to get answers? How about no. I don’t really think it is fair for everybody to put that on you as your responsibility. If the roles were reversed – would they all follow their own advise? I am not so sure.

  16. Haley says:

    I’ve never commented before, and I’m only saying this because I’ve been in a position very similar to yours before. You will regret it if you don’t reach out. Brady is a good guy. Yes, he certainly has his faults, but to be honest, you have more. I’m not saying this to be mean at all-but I think that in situations like this, you have a very limited time frame where you can either save whatever you two had, or walk away because you’re too proud to go back to a guy who put up with a LOT before you broke up.

    And for everyone saying you’re justified in being angry at him for looking at his phone… yes, that’s annoying, but you took it too far. He was apologizing when you cut him off to rant more. No grown man responds well to being berated when he’s already down.

    You don’t have to listen to me, but your (real-life) friends are telling you to go talk to them. I would listen to them. They know the situation better than any of us do. And if you decide not to, I hope you feel better soon. Breakups suck. If you don’t talk to him, please take this time to heal yourself and perhaps work on some of your own issues so that when you do eventually date someone else, you can conduct yourself a bit more maturely at times.

    • thank you haley. i seriously appreciate your comment and you have some valid points. i am not going to talk to him. he is a good guy and maybe we will cross paths again, but i just cannot talk to him right now. and it isn’t because i’m too proud 🙂

  17. I really think you will regret not talking to him. You need that closure & I think he is just too passive to reach out to you. Him giving Carly your things might have been his way of reaching out to you. I know that sounds really ridiculous, but he probably thought you would go apeshit & call & that would open the doors to communication. Just a hunch.

  18. Luita says:

    I’m on team Reese for sure now. Don’t call him, to him your guys are obviously done and he probably thinks there’s nothing else to discuss. He has come to you before after a fight so I think he would now too, if he wanted to. I’m sorry Reese, who knows what he’s thinking. I can’t believe he did something as childish as handing your stuff to Carly, but it is what it is.
    If he wants you he’s going to fight for you. (Have you read “He’s not that into you”?) for whatever reason he doesn’t want to fight for you right now. And I don’t think you are being too proud, stubborn or whatever else others think, for not contacting him. Loving yourself and giving yourself your place is not wrong. If he wants to salvage The relationship or even just be friends then he needs to make a move before it’s too late.
    Seriously just take your time to heal, you are a strong independent woman you dont need him.
    Go to Mexico by yourself maybe have a vacation flirt. Just enjoy your single life. That’s how you win a break up. Hahaha 😜

  19. kelly says:

    I would not call Brady. Simply put, everyone is correct. If you don’t make the first step and call him, then you’ll never speak with him again. Is that the type of man you want to be with? He’s so closed off and to be honest if he really loved and missed you he should grow a pair and call you. You deserve better than that. It’s not the first time. Plus apart from the mind blowing sex you and him never got on well. There was always drama. Brady acting clueless and not caring how his actions affected you. He spoke about love but never when completely sober. He seemed dishonest and you were constantly questioning his actions. There wasn’t any trust. Only a shit load of issues brushed under the rug. You deserve someone that will love and respect you. A relationship should not be stressful and need all that work, especially in the beginning. Brady needs to grow up and stop hiding like a little boy.

  20. Jelly says:

    I don’t think you should call him. If Brady truly loved and missed you he would reach out. Your friends hit the nail on the head. He won’t talk to you or take the first step. You have to otherwise you’ll never hear from him again. Is that the type of man you want to be with? A man who won’t fight for relationship with you? A man who’s willing to give it all up because he refuses to swallow his pride and pick up the damn phone. You and him didn’t have a perfect relationship by any means. There were way too much issues for a new relationships. No trust. Brady not respecting your feelings. The avoidance of discussing issues. Has he ever said he loved you when sober? Brady doesn’t deserve you. You need a man who will love and respect you. Not a little boy hiding and unwilling to text or call you.

  21. I think that the point that the “don’t call him” camp is kind of missing is the one Sara hit straight off. You wouldn’t be calling to chase after him or get back together. You’d just be calling to see how he is, arrange to get your stuff back, discuss what to do about your trip, and in general end things on terms that make you feel better and give you some closure. As Sara said, you’d be doing it to empower yourself and to help move on with the breakup. Talking to him might even help you see him more clearly and make you realize that he’s not the guy for you anyway.

    As for Kyle, it was a mistake and mistakes happen. You were vulnerable, and obviously not in the best mindset to make decisions. I think it was nice that he texted you the next day to check in. Even if Carly finds out, it’s not like he’s upset about it and I’m sure she will get over it.

  22. Karen says:

    I know we had this conversation via twitter; however, twitter doesn’t have enough characters to discuss properly…

    I feel like no matter what, you are going to need closure. I think it’s absolute bullshit that he isn’t calling. I don’t think him not calling means he doesn’t care. I think he was raised by Mr. and Mrs. Ice King and Queen, and he is a little fucked up from being raised with no hugs or “I love you’s” (seriously, WTF? how cruel? I want to punch his mother in the face.). He clearly doesn’t know how to communicate. I can only relay my opinion based off of what I’ve read through your eyes and I think you intimidate him with your amazing personality, your strong work ethic, your boldness and outgoingness. Maybe he thought you would eventually do it and he didn’t want to get hurt? Honestly, I didn’t think he would ever leave you and this really is shocking to me. Having said all of that; with him being your first love, as I said before, you’re going to need closure. If you don’t it will haunt you… WHAT IF??? Maybe closure will lead to amazing make-up sex and you will realize you can’t live w/o each other or maybe you will see that he is a jackass and has been the whole time, but have a clear mind and be able to move on from him by getting closure.

    • Liz says:

      I completely disagree. Reese doesn’t need a scarred little boy like brady who cant communicate. There comes a point when you need to stop blaming the parents and his upbringing and focus on brady. Reese isn’t his first love. He’s had a relationship before…his attitude and poor me attitude is annoying. He needs to grow up. Reese shouldn’t have to reach out to him because he’s scared or thinks she will. Makeup sex or sex in general doesn’t make a relationship and lets face it this one has been marred with endless issues. Cut your losses and find a man worthy of you Reese.

      • i think she meant he was MY first love which may or may not be true. but yeah, i think we both have some growing up and developing to do.

  23. Jordan Kaylie says:

    So I just wanted to say I love your blog. I am the same way you are though. I wouldn’t have called him, and I probably would have started crying if I were in that situation with another guy. I think after a break up it is hard to move on. I don’t think many people get it, because you are always the only one to know your own relationship.

    • Karen says:

      I guess I am just so wrong about Brady. Maybe I got the wrong impression from him when reading but I thought what they had was kinda cool and I didn’t think he was a terrible person. Now reading some things that everyone else and saying and Reese’s point of view, clearly I’ve got it all wrong. I hope I didn’t offend anyone, most importantly you Reese, I was under a different impression of him.

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