Weird timing, but after Brady found out that Brendan and I got engaged, we started talking regularly again. The weekend after the Halloween party, he texted me to let me know that Winnie had shown him all of the potential wedding dresses (for her) we’d saved on her iPad. Clearly he was just trying to make conversation and I would indulge him — at least a little bit. It’s rare that he ever wants to talk to me so I guess I needed to enjoy it while it lasted because you never know when he’s going to suddenly find beef with me again.

The following week was the election and I was devastated by the results. Brady is super in tune with politics and I texted him to see if the outlook was as bad as I was feeling because I was catastrophizing. Brendan — who always says everything is going to be fine — said that he wasn’t sure what this second presidency term was going to look like. So I needed Brady to tell me if we actually were going to be fine or if we would go full handmaid’s tale.

In the midst of talking about all of these women’s issues and rights, Brady told me that if he and Caroline were going to have to do IVF if they wanted a child because she has fertility issues. Absolutely insane of him to share something like that with me, but definitely made me feel like an asshole from all of my pregnancy speculation last year. Eventually I’m going to learn that I need to mind my own business.

While I was spiraling on election night, I booked myself an impromptu trip to see my friend, Lauren, in Austin, TX where she is now living with her husband. If you don’t remember Lauren, that’s understandable because I haven’t seen her in years. I messaged her to tell her I got engaged and we’ve been texting and FaceTiming a lot since. She threw out the suggestion of me visiting her and I jumped — I needed to get out of my bubble and away from my man!

And let me just say that being around someone else’s man made me appreciate mine so much more. Lauren’s husband is an asshole. He spent the entire weekend talking about all of the people (girls) in the running club he’s in, made derogatory comments about us wanting to go to the gay bar, made fun of us when we ultimately decided to stay (because he was going out with his running club friends), and then invited himself to brunch where he acted like an entitled snob and was super rude to the staff. It’s been a long time since I’ve hated someone’s boyfriend/husband so it was nice to have that feeling back. I hope I never have to see him again!

By Thanksgiving, I was more or less out of my doom spiral and I was ready to get on with my life and start thinking about my wedding. Brendan and I literally hadn’t talked about getting married or our wedding since that dinner with our parents. I asked Brendan what ideas he had and threatened him if he told me that he didn’t have any ideas or didn’t care!

“Wait, actually Margot had a good idea that I liked. We should talk to her about it this weekend,” he said.

Margot’s good idea was to have our wedding at a huge, beautiful vineyard up in the mountains somewhere near their family cabin. She’s apparently friends with the family who owns it and even though they don’t technically do weddings anymore, they’d do it for us. The entire situation sounded a bit rustic for my taste, but I kept reminding myself that it’s not just my wedding. So we proceeded with that idea for a couple of weeks. We’d get married at the vineyard and I was warming up to the idea. In some of the pictures I found online, the venue vaguely resembled some of the chic European villa weddings I have pinned on Pinterest. My mom and Margot started reaching out to local caterers, photographers, florists, etc and would forward their portfolios to Brendan and me for approval.

I could tell that neither of us was really that enthused about the whole thing and we were pretty indifferent about it and all of the decisions. I was thinking, “I cannot be bothered with all of these decisions. If Margot is such an expert, she can choose.” Don’t get me wrong — I’ve always been excited to marry Brendan, I was just not particularly excited about this scenario. It wouldn’t be my dream wedding (not that I was even sure what that meant anymore), but at least I would get to marry my dream man. I knew Brendan was feeling the same because he started complaining to me about how much Margot was messaging him and asking for him to look at stuff. Brendan is not one to initiate complaints, but will always piggyback when I start complaining about something. So I knew we were really not into it.

One day, Brendan casually said, “You know what would be sick? If we got married somewhere different, somewhere that would be special for just us…”

“Okay…” I said. “Like what?”

So we started brainstorming destinations where we could have our wedding — places that he had absolutely never been with his ex-wife and was exciting enough that we’d want to go back and visit to relive our special day. Eventually, we narrowed down the list to a few places — each one more obscure than the last. Like, a true destination wedding. I was excited, even though we’d have to keep the guest list tight, but it all sounded very chic. I started storyboarding immediately.

Once we decided that the little local vineyard wedding wasn’t happening, we had to break the news to our mothers who were already balls deep in planning. Oopsie!

After I got engaged, my mom started visiting more often and spending a lot of time in the city. I’m talking weeks at a time. At first she would stay in hotels nearby, but then upon Brendan’s insistence, she started staying with us. I understand that he’s nice and all, he just doesn’t get it. There’s a reason I moved 1,000+ miles away from my parents and never looked back. And since Brendan and I got engaged the moment I moved in, things felt consistently chaotic since we moved in together.

But I will admit, having my mom around was super helpful. She cooks and cleans and reads with Winnie when I don’t feel like it and babysits when Brendan and I want to go out.

Winnie’s 5th birthday fell on a Saturday and despite the fact that she usually spends the weekends with Brady, (with my mom’s help) I planned an almost $4k birthday party for her at a kids’ play center here in the city. He agreed that she could have her party despite the fact that they’d have to delay their trip to Mass to visit his family by a day. I feel like we’ve finally figured out how to co-parent. I think the difference is that Brady was actually being nice to me — not that I’m blaming the entirety of our screwed up relationship on him, but mostly! So he was coming with Caroline to pick Winnie up after her party even though they were obviously welcome to attend the entire party.

The other birthday party attendees were:

• My dad — who flew in for the occasion. He’d last been in the city for Thanksgiving when he and my mom had come together to celebrate (we hosted). She never left.
• Winnie’s entire class including this adorable well-mannered kid named Christian, who I would like Winnie to marry in 20-25 years.
• Margot
• Brendan’s cousin Daphne and her kids
• Erika and her twins

The kids exhausted themselves playing on all of the physical activities and games for two hours. I was just happy that Winnie was having a good time and that this party would be memorable now that she is forming core memories. Brady (and Caroline) arrived to pick her up as the party was winding down. I wouldn’t have even noticed them sneak in, but my mom screamed, “Well, finally! Winnie thought you forgot her special day!” when they showed up.

It would be her first time meeting Caroline and seeing Brady in a very, very long time and my first instinct was to go over and facilitate. But then I was like, “No, I’m not going to shield them from my mother’s antics. If she makes them uncomfortable, that’s none of my business.” It’s not like Brady ever protected me from his mother — who is crazy in a different way — so I was going to let them figure it out on their own.

As the party was winding down and guests were trickling out, I noticed that Brendan was standing near the door talking with Brady and Caroline, whose presence I still hadn’t acknowledged. That’s when I found my manners and headed over to speak to them for the first time.

As I approached and before I could say anything, Brady said, “Congrats. Good luck, she’s your problem now,” to Brendan. Then he walked past me without saying anything.

Was he implying that I was the problem? “Uh, hello? What the fuck?” I called after him.

Caroline said, “Good to see you both!” before following after him.

After months of being normal and cordial, Brady fucked everything up by suddenly acting bitter about my engagement and our relationship fell apart again. So he stopped finding random things to text me about and we went back to ignoring each other’s existence.

Y’all, I am so sorry for going ghost. I meant to update months ago and started this post at the beginning of the year. Then life got busy! Mainly because: 1. Brendan and I needed to do some research on our destination wedding so there was a lot of traveling and 2. I actually made some friends my age (mom friends) who I’ve been spending time with. I obviously have so much more to catch y’all up on, but I’ll tell you about that in my next post which I hope is very soon! Bye for now!