I didn’t stay off Instagram for that long. Obviously. Every time I reached for my phone I was reminded that Brady and Caroline were engaged so I stopped myself. If I wasn’t on Instagram then I didn’t have to see it and if I didn’t see then I didn’t have to think about it. And I did not want to think about it. For some reason the thought of Brady and Caroline made me feel anxious and uneasy and I wondered how quickly I could find a therapist. I didn’t like feeling that way about two people I didn’t think I cared about.

Less than an hour later though, I picked up my phone and started scrolling through Instagram again, trying to stumble upon Caroline’s post. I could easily just search for her page to see it, but I wanted to find it organically again because that would make me feel better.

Eventually the “Forever with you, are you kidding me?” post popped up — the first picture again. It was a far away picture of the actual proposal — two bundled up ants (Brady and Caroline) on some sand with cliffs and a bridge in the background. San Francisco maybe? So he’d bought an engagement ring, taken her on this trip and planned this big proposal, but hadn’t said a word to anyone? Don’t get me wrong — I know he doesn’t tell me anything, but if he planned on marrying Caroline, she would become Winnie’s stepmom and that’s a big deal.

I studied the photo and felt relieved that I didn’t feel envious (the proposal was not my style at all and the whole vibe felt gray and damp). I could not believe that Brady actually proposed to her though. I was wondering what about her made him think: “This is it. I want to marry her.” Maybe she’d met his mom and his mom approved — which I couldn’t imagine. Brady’s mom hates everyone including her own children. The entire thing reeked of haste and desperation.

As I inspected the picture closer, I saw that Caroline was holding her dog on a leash and it bothered me because the stupid dog was included in the proposal, but Brady’s own child wasn’t? Winnie was clearly not even aware of the proposal (as she would’ve told me), and he couldn’t even so much as call or FaceTime her to share his news?

The next photo was the closeup on the boat where you could actually see the ring. It appeared to be a solitaire elongated cushion or radiant diamond with a gold band and probably about two carats total — a good size for her small hand. I liked it, I guess. And in the picture, Brady is actually smiling with teeth showing — he’s usually giving an unenthusiastic half-smile in all of his other pictures. So maybe he was truly happy.

I felt weird and sad, but not because I was jealous or anything. I felt sad for Winnie because this was a lot of change for her in a short amount of time. And I know that she tolerates Caroline, but she doesn’t love her — couldn’t Brady have waited until they had a better relationship before making such a permanent decision? Is that unreasonable?

I made sure not to like the photo so I could feign ignorance when/if Brady ever decided to tell me. But I took a screenshot to send to everyone I knew including, but limited to: my mother, Kendra, Carly, Lola, Erika and Kristina.

Thursday morning, Winnie and I hopped in the car to go to Connecticut and Brady met us outside his (Caroline’s) house when we got there. That was his new thing — as if he didn’t want me to step foot into their home. He picked Winnie up and hugged her and asked her to tell him what she got for Christmas. I was waiting for him to tell her that he’d gotten her a new stepmom, but he didn’t.

Eventually Winnie demanded to be let down and then she headed inside. Brady waited until she was out of earshot to turn back to me. Before I could even ask him how Christmas and his birthday were, he said, “I wanted to let you know that Cara and I got engaged over the weekend.”

Brady looked everywhere, but at me and I stared at him silently, waiting for him to make eye contact. He looked at the ground and behind me and back at the house and my car.

Eventually, I was like, “I know, I saw on Instagram. Congratulations.”

“Oh. I did not know it was on Instagram,” he said.

Huh, so maybe he and his new fiancée also had communications issues and the issue had nothing to do with me.

“Are you happy? I didn’t even know you planned on proposing,” I said.

Brady said, “Well, I’m not getting any younger…”

“Oh, so it’s an age thing and not a me thing? Because I could’ve sworn you’ve told me in the past that you don’t want to ever get married, but maybe you just didn’t want to get married to me.” I couldn’t help myself. No one had been more anti-marriage than Brady and now he was engaged to this random girl barely a year after knowing her and I had to call him out on it.

“Well, I asked you, Reese,” Brady said in an accusatory way, finally looking at me. “Before I even got serious with Cara, I asked you if you wanted to work on us and our relationship and you said: ‘that ship has sailed.’”

Hello?! If I wasn’t so fucking shook, I would’ve been dying laughing about him using my exact words against me like that.

“It was too late at that point and you know it! We were both with other people!” I screamed at him.

I actually for once started to feel bad for Caroline. She seemed so happy and optimistic about the engagement and Brady basically just admitted that he settled because he’s getting old. Maybe that’s not what he meant, but that’s how I took it.

I ended the conversation by saying, “Anyway, I hope you’re happy and y’all have a good life together.”

“Thanks,” Brady said sarcastically before turning to go back inside.

Later on, I was thinking about it and I felt bad about how the conversation went. It’s supposed to be one of the happiest times in his life, you know, and I didn’t try to go there and pick a fight with him. He probably thought I was a jealous bitter bitch and I totally was not. I think it’s pretty obvious at this point that Brady and I were never compatible and it’s not that he didn’t want to get married — he just didn’t want to marry me. It’s tough, but I can admit it. And jokes on him because now he’s stuck with me for life!

So I ordered a bottle of champs to be delivered to their home and signed it from Brendan and me, even though I hadn’t even told Brendan the news yet.