am i a lesbian?

Ever since we got back from San Francisco Brady has been a little moody. Not mad or grumpy, but like sad. And distant. He’s been going to the gym a lot which he’s never really been into. I will admit that he was a little bit more muscular and toned when we first met, but now he’s just skinny from running. So he’s been spending a lot of his free time at the gym. It’s weird. I made plans to tag along one day, but of course I overslept and he went without me.

Sales at work have plummeted so Mike was in the office all last week. There are a lot of things that have contributed to the slump in sales (not to make excuses but): my team is lazy, Monica isn’t doing her job and our designers aren’t great. But of course, I didn’t tell Scott or Mike this, I’ve just been doing anything I could do to turn it around quickly.

One day I passed Mike in the hallway and without even looking up at me, he said, “Meet me in my office in 20 minutes.”

Naturally I was freaking out, wondering if I was about to become a stay at home against my own will. I prepared for the meeting by gathering a ton of data and projections that would be in line with my plans.

Twenty minutes later, I was standing outside Mike’s dark office. He clearly wasn’t in there and I started second guessing myself. Had I heard incorrectly? After I waited for about fifteen minutes, Mike finally showed up. He was barking orders at Kelsey and unlocked and entered his office without even acknowledging me. I followed them in and sat in a chair while Kelsey rattled off some of the things that were on his to do list. Mike listened to her while glaring at me. It was weird.

“Thanks, Kelsey. Please enjoy your lunch and I’ll see you when you get back,” he said once she was finished.

After Kelsey left Mike turned on his iPad and still didn’t acknowledge me. Ugh. The man has no social skills.

“So you wanted to see me?” I finally said.

“Yes. What’s going on, Reese? I thought I made my expectations clear,” he said, not looking up from his iPad.

“You did. I’m going to try out some new things. I noticed that some of our recent feedback said-”

Mike finally looked at me and cut me off. “I don’t care. You know what my expectation is so make it happen.”

I nodded. “Sure.”

His cell phone rang and I waited while he picked up, thinking he would make it a quick call. I realized that he was probably talking to whoever he reports to and I felt like I was intruding so I left.

Scott texted me a little while later and was like, “You had a meeting with Mike today? How did it go?”

I’m not sure who told him about the “meeting” (I wouldn’t even consider it that), but he was obviously freaking out about not being there.

“It went fine. It was brief,” I replied.

“Whenever you interact with Mike I need to know about it, Reese,” he lectured.

I rolled my eyes. Scott is such a control freak. And then he gets so frazzled. Like chill, dude. You should not have hired me if you didn’t think I could handle shit on my own.

Brady’s mom finally emailed me. I’d been refreshing my email nonstop waiting for the email to come in. I literally didn’t have a clue what she would possibly need to email me, but I was dying to know. I kept asking Brady if he had any ideas and he assured me that he was just as clueless as I was.

The subject of the email was: “Please read.” Straight forward, but unnecessary. Obviously I’m going to read it.

“Hi Reese. I hope this email finds you well. A few months ago, you mentioned that you’d like to get involved in the charity business and I’d love to help you if I can.”

How sweet, right? I can’t believe she remembered that I said that and actually took me seriously. She went on to tell me about this nonprofit organization here in Chicago that her colleague’s son is the director of. It’s an organization that helps raise money for children with extensive medical issues. It’s cool because they raise money in creative ways like having dinner mystery parties. Anyway, they are looking for people to join the planning commitee which is where I would come in. So nice of her to think of me. She attached the contact information for the director (who she’s already told about me) and who I obviously looked up on LinkedIn. I’m nosy.

The email had another attachment which Brady’s mom instructed was, “Some light reading.”

It was an article about decisions Christians must make or something like that. I didn’t make it past the first paragraph because it seemed like one of those judgey/guilt trip articles and I wasn’t in the mood.

So I just emailed her back saying that I would contact him and thanks for the information. I haven’t heard anything since.

Over the weekend, Brady had some friends over. I wasn’t in the mood to socialize, but I thought it would help Brady get out of his funk so I didn’t complain. I thought I’d be a good host and make drinks for everyone (Lindsey and two of her coworkers and one of Brady’s friends from home).

Lindsey and I ended up having a thirty minute conversation about hair, makeup and beauty and I was so engrossed in educating her in all things glamour that I didn’t notice Brady’s coworker, Maddie, walk in. Do y’all remember Maddie? Ugh. She needed to be in on the glamour conversation too if we are being honest. She was with two of her friends.

“Hey, Reese,” Maddie said, waving.

“Hi,” I said back.

“These are my friends, Abby and Allie.” She gestured toward her two friends. I’ve met Abby before a long time ago. She’s pretty boring and plain like Maddie is. Allie on the other hand looked like a grunged out Miss America with her bright teeth, thick brown eyebrows and blonde hair. I wanted to be her friend.

“Do y’all want a drink?” I asked, mostly to my new partner in crime.

“I’ll have whatever you’re having,” Allie said. She even had a sexy raspy voice. Am I turning into a lesbian? Did that one drug induced kiss change me forever?

I mixed up some margaritas and then Brady came rushing over.

“Can you make like four more of those? Thanks,” he said, hastily and then he left just as quickly as he arrived.

I gave a “Do I look like your fucking maid?” look and Allie caught it and laughed which I appreciated. I mixed the margaritas up in the blender and waited about thirty seconds for Brady to come get it.

When he didn’t, I grabbed the entire pitcher and set off to deliver it. I found Brady sitting just outside on the patio with some people I didn’t recognize.

“Here,” I said, shoving the blender at him.

Brady gestured for me to sit it down, but didn’t say anything. That annoyed me and I suddenly just wanted everyone to go home so I could hang out with my man. I scooped Tucker up and locked ourselves in the bedroom until everyone left.

On Sunday, I borrowed Brady’s laptop because mine was dead. He was preparing dinner (a fresh salad for me and a steak for himself) and I sat in his spot in the dining room sending a few emails. (Remind me to tell y’all about my newest diet. My body looks bomb and I have so much energy throughout the day) Once I was done, I went to Facebook and what do you know? Brady was already signed in. I wasn’t going to stick around and snoop through his things but an instant message popped up and it was from my friend Brittany! I almost died.

“Thought anymore about Houston? ;-)” she said. It was from April 22nd and Brady hadn’t responded.

They had exchanged some messages previously and while reading from bottom up, I gathered that they were discussing relationships and how hard dating is. Brittany is one of those girls who is always “talking” to someone, but never has a boyfriend. I scrolled up quickly to see how far back the messages went and saw a photo from Brittany. I recognized her hand with a tacky French manicure wearing a Kim Kardashian-esque rock on her left ring finger.

“This,” was what she wrote under it.

Brady walked into the room with my salad.

“Why is Brittany messaging you?” I asked, turning the laptop toward him.

He leaned down and looked at the screen then shrugged. “She needs someone to talk to?”

“Why is she talking to you? She’s my friend, not yours!” I realized what a huge baby I sounded like, but whatever.

“I don’t know.”

“Of course you don’t. Stop talking to her,” I said. I love Brady, but I’m sick of him.

Having seen enough, I logged Brady out and signed into my own Facebook. I feel weird about having to confront Brittany about talking to Brady. I think I’m afraid that I’ll tell her to back off and she will be like, “What? I’m not interested in your boyfriend, I’m not even attracted to him, don’t flatter yourself, blah blah blah…” And even though it’ll be a lie, I will feel really stupid.

Anyway, I have a formal meeting with Scott and Mike tomorrow that I should probably prepare for and get more than a couple of hours of sleep. Plus I started a huge home office reno that I’m dying to work on. I’m going for an early 1900s library inspired look and it’s going to be a lot of work to find books to stage in there.

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42 thoughts on “am i a lesbian?

  1. Kristen says:

    Grow up and stop invading Brady’s privacy. Your actions show you don’t trust him. I’d be pissed if I were him.

  2. Sara says:

    I think Brittany is disrespecting you. Messaging a friend’s BF like that? Um, no. Not appropriate. And as to invading Brady’s privacy? He left his laptop open. No, I don’t advocate snooping, but his acting clueless and messaging with other women is an ongoing pattern. After all this time, I can’t believe he is as naive as he tries to seem. I don’t think he would cheat, but I DO think he gets off on the female attention. He needs to get over doing this message back and forth with other girls trip he has.

    As for Brittany: I would message and say “Look, I am not comfortable with you messaging my boyfriend behind my back. I know I may sound paranoid, but it is something Brady has done in the past and even though he thinks it’s innocent, it makes me uncomfortable. As my friend, I hope you would help me by not encouraging this behavior in him.” Or some such. You are subtly calling Brittany out and reminding her that she is YOUR friend, although honestly, the fact that you need to call her on this makes me think you should examine just how good of a friend she really is.

    • I completely agree with this. and I think what you suggested is a great way to call her out without being too accusatory (even though I should be). thanks girl!

    • Anna says:

      ^^^^^ THIS. 100% Correct. Why does Brady KEEP doing what you have told him you’re uncomfortable with? Over and over. That’s a huge question that needs to be addressed.

      And, I mentioned my opinion about this before, you have some seriously sketchy friends. Like, all of them. You can do and deserve better than the way they treat you. I don’t know if it’s just the perception that you communicate to us or if it’s truly how things go down, but you haven’t ever described one friend who isn’t usually being condescending to you. And you let it go. Passive aggressively giving the silent treatment isn’t standing up for yourself. It just allows them to think that the way they act is okay.

      • I know I’m not the best friend someone could have (can’t keep a secret or plans, sorry!) so I can’t really be mad

      • Anna says:

        That may be true, but I guess I’m subtly saying I think you are worth raising your standards. Because right now they seem pretty low, and that lowers you to their level. You deserve better than that in both regards.

      • Ashley H says:

        @Anna-

        Actually, if someone messages you while you’re logged into fb on a computer, it pops up in a little instant messanger box at the bottom of the screen. The way Reese described it was: she opened his laptop to use it since hers was dead, she went to fb, Brady was already signed in and as soon as the page loaded Brittany messaged Brady. So it sounds to me like Brittany saw Brady log in to fb and that he was online (by looking at her friends list on the left hand side of the screen) and decided to message him, which is when it popped up on the bottom of the screen.

    • Cheeky says:

      How Reese described it, he didn’t leave his laptop open…he let her use it because hers was down. Yeah his Facebook wasn’t logged out, that doesn’t give anyone permission to go through the messages.

      While I’m not innocent about snooping, I wouldn’t have said anything Reese, I really just do it for my peace of mind (or not hah). However information is power…you don’t need to blast him on every little think it creates a bad omen constantly. Keep these things to yourself and then allow to yourself to re-evaluate the relationship. If you at some point find that’s its over its your decision, otherwise it’s not healthy for you, Brady nor the relationship to constantly bicker over let’s be honest silly negativieties.

      • Anna says:

        But you DO have to choose to open messages. They don’t just open up when you go to FB, regardless of if someone is already logged in.

      • Cheeky says:

        Exactly^^^

        It is snooping at the end of the day. Again I’m not saying don’t donit because I’d then be a hypocrite. But don’t go and blab about everything you don’t like… Just keep some things to yourself

      • Michelle says:

        REESE….are you ever wrong? You snooped like you always do and it’s getting old.

        Regarding your job…maybe your team isn’t doing well because you arent setting a good example. Didn’t you leave work to get your hair done and not come back just because? You posted that on your twitter. If you aren’t willing to put in the hard word why would your team? Lead by example.

  3. kelseyxsays says:

    At least Brady’s mom didn’t just send hate mail πŸ™‚ That is a win in my book…. Baby steps! lol.

    You need to reevaluate your friend group. I feel like they’re all shady bitches, literally. SO shady.

    What’s going on with Brady? I feel like there’s something else going on with him. Is he extra stressed about work or family or something? Maybe that’s why he’s hitting the gym again.

  4. Amber says:

    Ugh I am sick of Brady’s behavior too! You shouldn’t have to tell him not to talk to Brittany – that is not appropriate at all. It still bugs me when I think about your prior post where she was sitting on the floor in front of Brady and you walked in. And what does “thought anymore about Houston” even mean???

    Hope things pick up at work but it sounds like you have things under control. Don’t let Scott get to you – you are proving yourself at work, just keep doing what you are doing!

  5. Ellie says:

    Brady is so lax I feel like he just responds he doesn’t get too deep or committed to these conversations. Or maybe he just likes the attention. He leaves everything open all the time so he obvi isn’t hiding it. Maybe you guys need to just have open communication about things so he can feel comfortable talking to you about things without A. being told what to do B. you freaking out. I think your reactions keep him from being forthcoming. WHICH ISNT AN EXCUSE. Just maybe if you both change your behavior you can know more of what is going on.

    You are very aggressive and he seems passive most of the time. Communication requires him to come out of his shell, I just do not see him being forthcoming and dealing head on.

    PS- maybe you should email Mike about changes… designs … Monica … along with the changes you would make and ask him to confirm that you can begin implementation. Scott isn’t a great support team in regards to leading and innovation so you might need to just take the bull by the horns in order to ensure your own success.

    • I’ve explained to him multiple times that I wouldn’t freak out about this stuff if he was open with me about it. if he told me that Brittany was messaging him, fine. it was just weird that I had to find out. if one of his friends was messaging me I would tell him in a HEARTBEAT unless we were planning his surprise party or something.

  6. Seriously, Brady needs to ignore any messages from your friend. It is definitely not a good idea for either him talking to your friends privately or you talking to any of his friends privately. Trust me. I used to not want to come off as a jealous and possessive person, so I acted like it was no big deal when I knew that my husband and best friend would I.M. I completely trusted them. She and I were as close as sisters. It was because of those conversations on I.M. that led to it being something more between them and I ended up walking in on them when she came to visit us (she lived in my hometown which is a six-hour drive). By them speaking on those I.M.s and them sharing their feelings about their frustrations in relationships and using each other for comfort, it turned into bonding and eventually they started having feelings for each other. I found out later that she’d always had a crush on him. I was stupid and forgave them, but they wouldn’t stop talking to each other. My marriage fell apart, and after we separated, he was secretively seeing her for months and I had no idea, all the while, she was playing the part of the supportive friend. So, yeah, don’t assume that it can never happen to you. I never in a million years thought my best friend would do that to me. I was wrong. So be careful. You need to protect your relationship. You should talk to Brady about it.

    • Shelby says:

      Okay no???? Gtfo please. We all love and support her and that’s why we’re here. Either say something constructive, or get out.

  7. e says:

    talk to Brady!! he is being shady af 😦

    also your friends suck you deserve better

    BTW since when do you have trolls πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  8. Maybe Brady is just trying to keep up with you by going to the gym. If you’re on a new diet, he may feel intimidated and like he has to be in shape along side you. Maybe I’m wrong, but that’s what I thought πŸ™ƒ

  9. Brittany says:

    Wouldn’t brady have freaked out a little more if you was looking at a message thread with pics of possible engagement rings?? Also about the books, idk if this is your thing Reese, but I went to a second-hand store and found a ton of cool looking hardback books to go on a book shelf for really cheap. They aren’t books I’ll ever read, but the bindings looks cool, and you can mix them in with new books about stuff that interests you.

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