Reading back over my last blog post infuriated me. Like, I thought I was so tough, but reading back over it, I felt so disrespected and I’d let it happen. That’s not okay.
Brady worked late Monday and was too tired to see me on Tuesday. I was itching to talk to him, but I wanted to do it in person so I needed to wait.
On Tuesday, Scott’s wife brought the baby in for everyone to see. I heard everyone screaming and cooing from my office and when I looked out the door, I saw the tiny blonde wife and the car seat. I obviously had no interest in meeting the baby so I shut my door and turned on Demi Lovato.
A little while later, Julie knocked on my door and let herself in before I could answer.
“Hey. Aren’t you going to come say hi to Scott’s wife and see the baby?” she said with a smirk.
“I’m busy otherwise I’d totally come mingle,” I said sarcastically.
I kind of felt weird about the whole thing. Obviously anything I ever had with Scott is completely over and I’m so over it, but I just couldn’t face his wife after what went down. I just knew my guilt would show and she would totally sense what was going on. I didn’t want to risk it.
After work, I’d made plans to go to a networking event with my former coworker, Leah. I feel like networking events are just an excuse to flirt and drink so I was down. You know what I can’t stand? Leah had invited me to this networking event weeks ago and I didn’t get back to her until the day of because I was waiting to see if I’d have plans with Brady. And when I found out he was too tired to hang out, that’s when I told her I would go with her. Like I make him a priority and choose him over literally everything, but he couldn’t even sacrifice a little bit of rest to see me.
The networking event was at a ritzy hotel downtown. Leah was already there by the time I got there and she greeted me with a hug.
“I’m so glad you could make it! It’s been forever!”
We caught up for a little while, talking mostly about work.
“Andrew still won’t stop talking about you,” she revealed. “He and his friend created this fitness app and once they get the money from the investors he’s going to quit and work on the app full time. I’m surprised he hasn’t tried to recruit you to come work for him.”
Weird because I worked there literally three years ago. And as if I would ever work for Andrew again. Also, what could I possibly add to something involving fitness? But maybe Leah talked to him or something because he texted me on Wednesday morning just to say hello. We aren’t really on texting terms so it was random. I continued texting him, waiting for him to mention the fitness app, but he never did.
Brady finally invited me over on Wednesday after work. He told me that he had been feeling kind of sick the past two days so I offered to bring over soup and tea even though Brady doesn’t like tea. He didn’t have any work to do like he normally does and instead, just wanted to lay on the couch and watch tv. It was the perfect time to have a little chat.
“So here’s the thing,” I began. “I’m not okay with the Sydney thing and I’m definitely not okay with the Jill thing.”
“What Sydney and Jill thing?” Brady wanted to know.
“You know what I’m talking about.” I’m so sick of Brady pretending to be clueless to buy time. “Sydney not knowing about me and Jill calling you handsome… and your reaction. That’s just not acceptable.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t talk about you or my personal life at work. The last time I told everyone about you and we broke up, it was awkward to have to tell everyone that,” Brady explained.
“Uh, hello? Same. It’s not like you’re the only one who had to deal with that. But I’m not going to let Scott for example think I’m single.”
“I know I am! It’s so weird, sometimes I think you’re really smart, but other times I think you are incredibly dumb.”
Brady gave me a look like he wasn’t quite offended, but wanted me to keep going.
“Like, you’ve been in relationships before. You know these things aren’t right. Imagine if I’d done the same thing to you,” I continued.
“You have,” Brady said.
“Excuse me?” I was so shocked I didn’t even know what to say.
“Your boss texted you and told you he’s in love with you.” Brady’s neck was turning red and I knew he didn’t like confronting me, but he was speaking confidently because he knew he was right. “If you ask me, that’s way worse than some lady calling me handsome.”
When I didn’t say anything he continued. “Does that make you dumb too?”
“How rude! That was so long ago, I can’t believe you’re even bringing it up.”
Brady shrugged. “No ruder than you are.”
And that shut me up for a minute.
“So are you purposely trying to hurt me?” I asked.
“Of course not.”
“Jill’s gotta go. Sydney does too, but not as urgently.”
“Okay,” Brady nodded.
“And don’t just say okay to shut me up.”
“Sydney is my friend and we work together. She relies on me a lot.”
“What about me? I rely on you too!” I exclaimed.
“This is work. This is my professional life. It has nothing to do with you and you have nothing to worry about.”
“It doesn’t feel that way. Not when she’s calling you all the time during non work hours and you’re hiding to talk to her and laughing and everything.”
“You can listen to our phone calls – I’m not hiding anything. The only thing we talk about is work and Tucker.”
“So you can mention Tucker, but not me. Wow.”
After going back and forth, I was over Sydney and mainly just wanted to get Jill out of the picture. Brady promised to stop talking to her and at first I was going to physically make him text her and tell her to beat it, but I decided it was a test. If he continues talking to her, I am so fucking done. He won’t even know what hit him.
The rest of the week was super busy for me so we didn’t talk much or hang out, but we are going on vacation this week! I still need to pack. I can’t wait to tell y’all about it!
8 thoughts on “that shut me up.”
WOW! You did a difficult and awesome thing by having that conversation. Stick to your guns. It does sound like he’s holding on to some resentment from round 1 that may need to be addressed, but you held your own and did the adult relationship thing! I’m actually quite impressed. This post shows so much growth and effort on your part. I hope Brady honors his commitments to you, because you deserve a guy who will put just as much thought and effort into you as you do to him.
Hi Reese! Awesome!! You took the chance to speak up, solicit the respect you deserve, and have an open and honest conversation with Brady. You did great. And you are worth someone who respects you, so I am keeping my fingers crossed for you guys. Enjoy your vacation and can’t wait to hear all about it 🙂
You should be proud of yourself, Reese. Seriously. This is a big first step towards working towards normal, healthy communication with Brady. And he was receptive and honest because you did not attack him, you simply told him what you have been feeling and what you think you need from him. How do you feel?!
Also, not giving him an ulitmatum about Jill was a mature decision. You are both adults. I hope you see that he does what he says he would do and I’m glad you have decided what you will do if he does not.
A very wise therapist once told me that trust is a decision you make. If you choose to trust someone again you have to let the past go and not bring it up again.
Many years ago my boyfriend and I took a break and eventually got back together. That’s when my therapists told me about trust and my boyfriend and I agreed to let the past go and only discuss/fight about things in the present. 11 years later were happily married and have a solid relationship that started with that one decision to trust.
Brady needs to stop bringing up the past and let it go. You wanted to talk about things that are happening now and his only leg to stand on was stuff from the past.
It also sounds like he needs to work on forgiving you. Again it’s another choice you make but you both need to leave the past in the past.
This is a vicious cycle with you and Brady. You have major trust issues and they aren’t going to go away unless you two actually lay everything out on the table and stop playing games. Even if Brady isn’t cheating on you, he knows you well enough to know that doing what he’s been doing (texting and flirting with other women, hanging out with women he knows that you don’t like or trust, being mysterious about who he’s seeing or where he’s going, etc.) would upset you. He knows that you are jealous and sometimes insecure, and that you two have a history of trust issues – yet he’s still doing the same sort of things and then acts like he doesn’t understand why you’re upset. Avoiding each other for a few days and then acting like nothing is wrong is not going to solve anything. Something you need to ask Brady is what is it that he wants or needs from you. And you need to make sure he knows what it is that you want and need from him. If it’s something that you two honestly feel like you can’t give each other or compromise on, then you need to just make a clean break and move on or else the same things are just going to keep happening and you two will end up just resenting each other and will be miserable.
this this THIS
I agree with this comment completely. I would add that Brady’s texting and flirting is a form of controlling behavior, because it keeps Reese off balance. What’s worse is when things have hit the fan in the past about these issues, Brady acts like Reese is being irrational and imagining things. This is called “gaslighting” someone and it is a way to control someone’s behavior. Stand your ground, Reese. If you ever doubt yourself, you have three plus years of this blog documenting what went on. That is a HUGELY powerful tool for examining past behaviors of both you and Brady. I don’t mean this idea as digging up past issues, but this blog can allow you to see ongoing patterns of behavior of yourself and the people around you. Good job on what must have been a tough discussion!