daddy issues.

Everyone was rushing around on Wednesday preparing for Scott’s arrival. It’d been over a week since he’d been in the office so everyone wanted to make sure everything was in the right place when he got back. I was sitting in my office color coding the apps on my phone. After the successful week I had, I dared him to come at me.

I could literally smell Scott the moment he walked in the office. Tom Ford Oud Wood. I used to love that fragrance, but now it’s just fine. I heard him making his rounds and deliberately didn’t move a muscle.

“Hey! How was your weekend?” I heard him ask someone right outside my office.

“She’s good. Finally starting to sprout some hair. It’s bright red!” He was loud.

Suddenly Scott poked his head in my open door.

“Good morning,” he greeted me, eyeing my booties propped on the desk.

“Hey,” I said back.

“We’ll touch base later, okay? I’m just going to catch up on a few things and then I’d like to meet with you.”

“Sure.”

He gave me a strange smile before leaving. Julie stopped by my office soon after wanting to go on a Starbucks run. Julie is that girl who knows everything about everyone and wants everyone to know how informed she is. It’s annoying, but she laughs at everything I say so she’s fine.

“Ugh,” she groaned as we got in the elevator down. “Caitlin is so annoying. She’s mad that she pushed off a project she didn’t want to do on me and I did it well and Scott loved it.”

Caitlin is a 22-year-old design associate with a bad attitude. She’s great at what she does, but her mood swings almost make it not worth it. And she’s always bragging about how other companies are trying to poach her for better/higher paying positions, but for some reason she never takes those offers.

“First of all, why are you letting her push extra work on you? You have enough going on as it is,” I said.

“I know,” Julie said. “She’s like, ‘That project was easy anyway. If I would’ve done it, it wouldn’t have taken me two weeks.’”

Totally something Caitlin would say. She is such a twat. And technically, Julie is in a higher position than Caitlin so homegirl needs to relax.

“She only does that shit because you let her. Shut it down once and for all and she’ll stop,” I said.

Caitlin tried it with me once before I got promoted. She said something like, “I would have never put that loveseat in that client’s home,” after I’d stepped in to help with some interiors.

Bitch, did I ask you? It’s not even a part of my job description, I was just helping out where I was needed. She’s been on her best behavior around me since.

Scott called me in his office around 1:00pm. I was excited to brag about everything I’d been working on for the past week. I had been super productive.

“It sounds like you had a terrific week,” Scott said after my presentation.

“Thanks.”

“And it seems like you are starting to care more.”

“Excuse me?”

“Well, sometimes it’s hard to tell with you.” Scott looked like he wished he hadn’t said that. “I guess I know you care, but sometimes I think you like to pretend you don’t.”

“That’s not true. I’m completely authentic,” I replied, appalled.

“I’m not saying you’re unauthentic. That’s not what I meant.”

“But that’s what you implied.”

So my beautiful presentation went downhill fast. A few minutes after I left, Scott texted me.

“I didn’t mean to offend you or doubt your work ethic so I’m sorry.”

I left him on read and then he texted me again.

“Would you like to grab a drink after work?”

And I figured, why not? Scott and I are in a good place right now and Brady would be working. We met in the lobby and walked to a little Irish dive bar near the office. The bar was full so we grabbed a high top table.

“So you had a good week last week?” Scott said.

“It was decent. Productive,” I said.

Scott told me about his trip, what he’d learned and what he wanted to implement in our office. He kept comparing people in our office to people he met which annoyed me. Where’s your loyalty, dude?

After a couple strong drinks, Scott said, “So, I want to tell you something that I’d like to keep between just the two of us.”

Now I was intrigued.

“Okay, sure. What’s going on?” I said in my most innocent, ‘I can keep a secret’ voice.

“There’s a strong possibility that my wife will be leaving. Soon,” he said.

“Leaving? What do you mean?” I asked.

“Moving out of the house.”

Whoa. Not what I was expecting.

“And where is she going to go? Is she taking the baby?” I wanted to know.

“She will move in with her parents. We haven’t figured out the logistics of it all, but it’s almost 100% happening.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Scott gave me a look. “You know this is a long time coming. It was going to happen eventually. I can’t say I’m not slightly disappointed, but it is what it is.”

I nodded, trying to decide how I’d feel if I was either one of them. Yeah, they’re not happy in the relationship but I couldn’t imagine 1. Having a newborn and taking care of it alone/being alone or 2. Having a newborn and not being able to see it all the time. What an awful situation to be in.

“Why now? Did something happen?” I asked.

“Nothing that hasn’t been happening before. I guess things just came to a head.”

And I genuinely felt bad for the guy. I know he has always bitched about his wife, but who wants to be alone? Especially when you’re older and have a baby involved.

When I got home, Scott texted me, “Thank you for always listening to me. I’m not proud of what I’m going through, but I am happy I can talk to you.”

The next day, I found myself printing a ton of things at the same time Caitlin was. She immediately started complaining to me about how much work she had to do and schedules and how people aren’t helpful and how annoyed she was at her clients. I really wasn’t the person she should be complaining to, but people are still getting used to my promotion.

“Is that why you shared some of your workload with Julie?” I asked.

Caitlin didn’t say anything so I kept talking.

“She told me you kind of pushed a project on her and she didn’t appreciate how you handled the whole thing. Saying how you would have done better job and stuff like that.”

“Are you kidding me?” Caitlin exclaimed. “She didn’t have to do the project if she didn’t want to, it’s not like I forced her to do anything. I can’t believe she would tell you that and make it a big deal!”

I had to look behind me to make sure she was talking to me.

“Okay, you need to relax. She didn’t mean it like that and it’s not a big deal. Calm down.”

Later on, I got a text from Julie.

“Reese, omg. I can’t believe you told Caitlin what I said. Now she’s pissed at me and thinks I tattled on her to you.”

And I’ve had my share of petty drama with girls at work and I’m not interested in that again so I replied, “Caitlin who?” Julie got the hint and didn’t bring it up again.

On Friday, Brady made reservations for us at this romantic little Italian restaurant. Something felt weird about it, like he had a reason he wanted to go. We go on dinner dates all the time, of course, but normally he doesn’t just plan things for us and text me to let me know where to be and when.

I dressed nicely in a black off the shoulder top, high waist black pants and Free People booties. We grabbed a drink at the bar while we waited for our table to be ready and Brady was telling me about his week and being all nice like everything was fine and normal.

When we sat down though, Brady started talking.

“Do you remember when I went to Boston for work a few weeks ago?” he asked.

I nodded.

“I was actually interviewing to work at a hospital in Peru for two months,” he went on.

I just looked at him.

“I applied last year and had completely forgotten about it until now. But they offered it to me and I decided to go. It’s a good opportunity and it could lead to other things and-”

“So when do you go?” I interrupted him.

Brady hesitated for about ten seconds before saying, “The second week in May.”

I just started crying. I felt so betrayed. Brady looked down at the table, but did nothing to console to me.

“I can’t believe you didn’t talk about this with me before deciding to go,” I said.

“I’m sorry. I would have loved to talk to you about it before, but I didn’t have time to deliberate.”

I stopped crying just as abruptly as I started. I guess I was a little bit embarrassed about crying in the middle of the romantic restaurant.

“I’m happy for you. I’m just sad,” I explained.

“I’m sad too. I wish you could come with me,” Brady said.

Obviously I had no interest in going to Peru with him, but I guess I appreciated the thought. Of course I thought it was great for his career and stuff, but I’m selfish and I didn’t want him to go. I wanted him to stay in Chicago with me.

After that, I let him explain everything to me like what he’d be doing, where he’d be living, what would happen to his job here, etc. It was all very Brady and very not me.

“So I guess I have custody of Tucker for those two months,” I said.

“I figured you’d want it. You can stay at my place while I’m gone too. That way I don’t have to hire a house sitter,” Brady grinned. I was in no mood to smile.

I was super depressed after that. We met up with my friend, Ava and her boyfriend after dinner, but I was in no mood to socialize. So instead I just drank myself into oblivion and woke up with a violent hangover.

Brady woke up chipper and happy and suggested brunch before he went into work for a few hours. At brunch I ordered a plate of potatoes and a Bloody Mary. Just what I needed.

I started talking to the couple seated next to us. They were a little bit older and looked like Mobsters. Loved them so much. They told me they were going out for a smoke and I told them I’d tag along. As I was standing up, Brady grabbed my arm hard like a crazy person.

“Reese, I really need to get to work,” he said.

Oh, fine. I told my friends I’d have to take a rain check on the cig and stayed with Brady.

“You don’t need to be smoking cigarettes anyway,” Brady said as he signed the bill. He sounded exactly like my dad. And this is weird, but it kind of turned me on. Talk about daddy issues.

On Saturday night, we had dinner with Kendra, John and Mia. Mia is so fucking cute and wasn’t even being that rowdy at the restaurant. She was just looking around with her huge eyes, taking in the scene, the people, the sounds, the smells. And talking a lot and asking for everyone’s food. She started off eating Kendra’s noodles, but then she saw Brady’s broccoli and wanted that and then she wanted my salad. She was so polite about it though, it was so cute.

Then I started to think, maybe Brady and should have a baby. Like why not? It’s not like we are teenagers or living with our parents or anything. We are responsible. Plus, if we had a baby Brady wouldn’t be able to leave me for months at a time. Selfish? Maybe. But I’m not sorry.

“So should we have a baby?” I asked Brady in the car home.

“Right now?” he said back.

“Yes.”

And he actually seemed to entertain the idea for a minute.

“I don’t think now is a good time to do that,” Brady said.

But the following week, I obsessed over having a baby. I was reading articles about what I should be eating/avoiding if I wanted to get pregnant, staring at pregnant women/women with babies out in public thinking, “That might be me soon,” taking note of what strollers they were using and what they were wearing. I asked this woman at work who has a two year old everything: did she breastfeed? Was she trying when she got pregnant? How many weeks was she when she found out? Who made the best baby clothes? How often does she have to buy them? I grilled Scott. How does he manage to go out and drink when he has a newborn at home? I studied the calendar to see when I might possibly give birth. Would I hatch an Aquarius or a Pisces?

On Friday though, I realized what a psycho I was being. Why on earth would I think now is a good time to have a baby? And wouldn’t it be a little bit cruel to ruin his plans by having a baby after he already told me it wasn’t a good time? Plus, he’d chosen to go to Peru – he’d rather be there than be with me. That was his choice.

That night, I went to Brady’s and we made dinner. He told me more about Peru and showed me pictures of the places he wanted to hike. All very vanilla. He seemed really, really excited about it though which I loved to see (Brady being excited is adorable), but I was still thinking about myself and wondering why he wasn’t more sad about leaving me for two whole months. I’m a selfish brat and I can’t help that.

I did my own independent research while Brady worked that evening and suddenly had a vision of Brady falling in love with some hot Peruvian woman with a small waist and huge ass, getting her pregnant and never coming back to me. So I spent the following week being depressed about that. In my head, I’d decided that was the most likely scenario and I probably needed to enjoy my time with Brady before he left because he wouldn’t be coming back.

On Thursday, he texted me, “I’m getting drinks with people from work. Do you want to come?”

And I did want to come after not seeing Brady all week. I changed into black distressed jeans, a pink faux silk top and a leather jacket. I took an Uber to the bar and immediately found Brady and his group taking up the back. Brady was standing up and Sydney was sitting in a chair right next to him. Alex was no where in sight. After exchanging niceties, I sat down across from Brady and Sydney.

“So how are you feeling about Brady going to Peru?” Sydney asked me.

I don’t think I’ve ever had an actual conversation with the girl so I was surprised she would ask me that.

“I hate it,” I said back. “But I’m happy for him.”

She scrunched her nose up. “I know, we are gonna miss him. But it’s such a good opportunity. And I can’t even say I’m surprised.”

I guess I wasn’t surprised either except for the fact that Brady didn’t talk to me about it at all until it was a done deal. Especially because later in the evening, Sydney said something like, “Wait, Brady, what did that woman say at your interview in Boston?” Obviously he’d talked to her all about it, she probably knew that he’d been interviewing and everything. And it hurt that he shared that with her and not with me.

Anyway, I’m still depressed and sad, but coming to terms with things. I figure I can take this time to pick up some new hobbies, work out and prepare my body for pregnancy. What’s new with y’all?

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13 thoughts on “daddy issues.

  1. Caroline says:

    I love checking the blog and seeing a new post from you! So nice to hear about your life, especially since you seem to be in a really good place. The last bit you wrote seems like you can definitely handle Brady being gone. Two months will fly by if you occupy your time with good things!

  2. Kaycee says:

    Think long and hard before you have a baby! Please!

    All I ever wanted in life was to have one. Now I have a 6 month old son, and it is so ridiculously hard. I love him more than even possible, but my life will never be the same. It is harder than I ever imagined, and I work with kids.

  3. I agree that you are strong enough to get through 2 months without him – you guys have done a lot of work on your relationship and it will give you some “me time” go see friends, maybe visit your parents, extra Tucker time, stuff like that!
    Glad Scott isn’t being a dick anymore but hopefully he doesn’t try anything with you once his wife moves out!

    https://lifeofawesterngirl.blogspot.ca/

      • Ann says:

        He will come back, don’t worry. And as far as doing this kind of thing more often, I think you should talk to him about that when he returns. If he does want to do this kind of thing more often, and that does not fit into what you want out of the relationship, then you need to consider ending it. Not in an ultimatum kind of way, just in a , “we want different things” way. But all in all, I think you’re handling this very well, and I don’t think he’s gonna wanna do this often. And he will definitely come back.

  4. Lindsey says:

    Reese,
    I am proud of you! You have grown so much – in so many ways: avoiding the office drama, with Brady, and the way you handled things. You should not feel unsupportive for feeling upset that Brady is leaving. You will miss him and the unknown can be scary, especially when you are afraid he may want to stay there. I’m not sure what he is doing exactly, but he will only love you more if he sees the growth and maturity in you. That is the only thing he has wanted to be different.
    As far as babies go- they are rewarding and difficuly. With Brady, have you talked long term/marriage/children/settling down permanently lately?

    Trust me- a marriage is best before babies. It is not fun to be a single mom, deal with courts, hope Brady will commit one day, etc. You know Brady will eventually put a ring on it once he knows he can trust you fully. He will be an incredible father too. What other things can this opportunity lead to? I guess it is important to know his long term goals. Can’t wait for your next post.

    • we definitely have to sit down and talk about or future once he gets back.. we talk about it but no specifics. we kind of just make plans as if we assume we have a future

  5. Luita says:

    I’m from Peru and it is a beautiful place. You should see if you can take a couple of weeks of work at the end of his work assignment so you can go explore with him. He’s probably not going to the city, I’m guessing he’ll be in a rural area, so I wouldn’t go there. But you should experience Machu Picchu together, that would be such a wonderful thing. Then you can explore Lima together, there’s lots of fun things to do there, the beaches up north are beautiful too.

    The only thing I would be upset about is him not discussing this opportunity with you, I feel like you guys had this talk before and he agreed to discuss things with you rather than just informing you he’s doing something. You are a couple, and should be making those decisions together. You can’t trust him with that, do you really think you could trust him to be your partner in parenthood?

    Two months will go by so fast though, and you have an opportunity to focus on yourself. I would just try to stay away from Scott, he’s not good news, specially while Brady is gone and you feel lonely.

    • you’re from peru! will you be there when Brady is there?? VERY upset that Brady didn’t discuss things with me but I feel like that’s just who he is. I think he’d be a great dad and partner, otherwise I wouldn’t even consider having a baby with him. 😇

  6. Sounds like you have a case of baby fever! It happens. I had it pretty bad in my late 20s and early 30s. I felt like everyone but me was having babies and felt really envious. In my 20s, though, I was having way too much personal drama to even start thinking about having a baby. It was a good thing too because I ended up getting divorced. Then I remarried and finally started to try off and on to have a baby, and it ended up taking a few years! I just had my daughter in December, and let me tell you, I had NO IDEA how hard it was going to be! I mean, I wasn’t so naive that I didn’t know it was going to be hard but until you actually experience it, you don’t get it. And every baby is different. A friend of mine, her daughter had colic really bad and pretty much cried 24/7 for months on end. My daughter is 4 months now and is in the really cute stage where she’s discovering things and she’s FINALLY sleeping through the night. It took some getting used to not being able to just up and go somewhere when I wanted. So, yeah, I don’t recommend having a baby until you’re really ready to commit to being a mom. It takes up all your energy and time, and if you are still at a point in your life where you want to have fun in your spare time, go on trips, go to the bar, whatever, then having a baby is not the right time for you yet.

    Brady being gone for two months is not too bad. Maybe the time apart will be good for you two. You know what they say about distance making the heart grow fonder. Plus you can skype or facetime or whatever. 🙂

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