Kendra decided to throw my baby shower in New York and I was excited to have all of my closest friends and family together in the city. People began trickling in on Thursday evening, starting with Kendra who I was probably most excited to see. I haven’t seen her since I’ve been pregnant.
We grabbed dinner and talked about who all was coming, who wasn’t coming, Kendra’s job, John, Mia, Brady, Brady’s mom, the house, my diet, etc. I loved sharing all of my grievances (again) and getting a different perspective. Kendra is for the most part rational and she has a baby so she knows what I’m going through. She also knows my mom really well and everything I’ve told her about Brady and his parents.
“The fact that his mother is offering their apartment to you says a lot. She’s come to terms with the fact that you’re pregnant and is trying to make up for being a witch before. Honestly, it would take more effort to stay mad at her,” Kendra said.
She’s had similar issues with John’s controlling mother, who wants to dictate everything Mia does or eats. Because of that, she and John have stopped trying for a second until they can figure out the relationship with his parents.
For the baby shower, I wore a leopard dress with white booties and my hair in waves courtesy of a new large barrel curling wand. Kendra had rented out the penthouse of a hotel not too far from our apartment so a few people stopped by before we all headed over. It was all a bit chaotic because Carly and Chris brought over champagne and I was still getting ready and my parents showed up and then two other friends from college who I haven’t seen in probably two years. So I was curling a lock of hair and then running back out to entertain and then going back. Eventually Carly offered to help and made my hair look amazing.
As I was leaving the bedroom, I saw Brady’s phone on the charger and that he had an incoming phone call. Curious, I took a peek. I just needed to know who it was. Maybe they were running late or needed directions?
It was Sydney. I picked up. What in the world did she want at 11am on a Saturday morning? She obviously was not invited.
“Hi Sydney,” I answered.
“Hey. Reese?” she said back.
“It’s me,” I sighed. “What do you need on this beautiful morning?”
“Well, I was hoping to speak to Brady. I’m doing the marathon tomorrow and he’s been helping me to-”
I didn’t let her finish. “Sydney, our baby shower is in an hour. We are literally getting ready so we can spend the day with all of our friends.”
“So I think you’re going to have to figure out this marathon thing on your own. I believe in you.”
She sounded annoyed. “Will you have Brady call me back when he gets a chance?”
“Sydney, no,” I said, losing patience. “You can’t rely on Brady to help you through life. We are having a baby now and his priorities have changed. You’re going to have to learn things on your own as he won’t be able to hold your hand anymore.”
Kendra poked her head in. “You ready?”
“Anyway, I have to go. Take care, Sydney.” I hung up and put the phone back where I found it.
The penthouse was decorated in rose gold, silver and white – I told Kendra I didn’t want nauseating pink shit everywhere. There was a display of different toasts and a spread of colorful macarons and other desserts and even a mimosa bar. I also requested no cheesy baby shower games and wanted it to feel more like a wedding reception or cocktail party. Kendra laughed but delivered – there was no diaper cake in sight. I was surprised by the size of the pile of pastel wrapped gifts in a corner – mostly wondering where all of it was going to go because there no way it would fit in our tiny apartment.
It wasn’t until I was dancing inappropriately in the middle of the penthouse with Carly that I realized none of Brady’s family was there. Not his parents or aunts or cousins who live in New York.
“I asked both of you individually several times for your guest list. If Brady wanted his family here, he had at least three different opportunities to tell me,” Kendra explained. And that made me feel really bad. Even my grandparents made the trip and they almost never leave Texas.
Kendra gave a nice speech to all the guests which was great because I definitely didn’t have anything prepared. She actually teared up which made me and Carly tear up and made my mom full on cry. I’m sure all the mimosas helped facilitate that.
Once she was done, she gestured for me to come in and say a few words, but I shook my head vehemently. I was on the verge of tears.
“Brady? Can you say a few words to all your guests?” Kendra asked politely.
I looked at Brady, who was standing next to me, and he looked like a deer in headlights.
“Yeah, give a speech!” Carly enthused, clapping.
So Brady had no choice, but get up there. Brady is not comfortable with public speaking, unless he’s completely hammered.
“I, um, want to thank everyone for coming. I think I speak for both myself and Reese when I say that I was not expecting this turnout. Your support really means a lot to us,” he began.
“Especially because this was so unexpected,” I said, joining him at the front. “Anyone who knows me knows how unexpected my getting pregnant was. So I appreciate everyone rallying.”
“Super unexpected, but so exciting!” Kendra chimed in with hearts in her eyes.
“It is. We’d like to thank everyone in advance for the generous gifts and name suggestions. We will take all of them into consideration before making a decision,” I continued. This wasn’t necessarily true. Three people suggested Ava and I’m just not doing that.
After that we opened all the gifts and while I was so, so appreciative of everything (we literally only have a couple things to get now), I still couldn’t fathom where we were going to put it all and even how we were going to get it back to the apartment. That’s how my mind thinks now. Logically.
My parents and Kendra ended up taking care of all of that while we went back to the apartment to change before meeting some of our friends for an early dinner and drinks. It was nice to candidly talk about the baby with Carly and Chris and my friends who don’t have kids yet. And everyone reassured me that living in Connecticut won’t be that bad – lots of fun things happen in the suburbs!
I had completely forgotten about the whole Sydney conversation until we were in a car on the way back to our apartment that evening.
Brady studied his phone for a moment before saying, “Reese, what the fuck?”
“Hmm?” I said back, still not putting it all together.
“You talked to Sydney?”
“Oh yeah,” I said. After having such a good day, there was no way Brady could be mad about that.
“Why would you answer my phone and then be rude to her? What’s your problem?” he demanded.
“What’s your problem? Why does Sydney think it’s okay to call you an hour before our baby shower? Boundaries. They’re called boundaries,” I countered.
“I think you need to learn boundaries too. Just because we are having a baby doesn’t mean you get to rule my life.”
We’d arrived back to the apartment now and Brady hopped out of the SUV and headed inside without even helping me out like he should have.
“You’re such an asshole,” I said following him. “I wasn’t even rude to Sydney so thanks for blindly believing her without even hearing my side of the story.”
“I believe her because that is absolutely something you would do. You’ve done it before.”
I glared at him. “With who? Jessica? The girl you were literally fucking at work? The one who sent me a picture of you naked after you had sex?”
“Oh my God, you have to be kidding me. You’re being such a psycho. This is ridiculous,” he said.
Naturally I blew up. “No, you’re being a fucking psycho! If you think I’m going to continue putting up with you talking to me like that, there is clearly something wrong with you.”
Brady went into the bedroom and came back out wearing a casual long sleeved tee. “I’m meeting Chris at the bar.”
I didn’t say anything.
“I think you need to apologize to Sydney. I treat your friends with nothing but respect and I’d appreciate the same.”
“Fuck Sydney,” I mumbled.
Brady left and I changed into silk pajamas. The whole time he was gone, I thought about what it would be like to raise the baby on my own. I didn’t need Brady and Sydney’s shit. I’d get a small 2 bedroom apartment in the city with a den and decorate the whole place exactly how I want it (all white with lots of texture, gold accents, and roses) and join mommy and me classes. I’d get a gay manny who would take care of Baby, but also shop with me and give me dating advice for a single mom. My mom would visit monthly to help out and give me and the manny a night off to pick up guys.
The next morning when I woke up, Brady was already up and working on his laptop in the kitchen. We had plans to meet up with my parents for dinner later, but my mom and I were going shopping during the day.
“Good morning,” Brady said, not looking up from his computer.
I didn’t reply because I was still mad. I told my mom about our fight while we were out shopping and she just kept saying, “Oh, he didn’t mean that. He’s trying his best.”
And it’s like, I’m trying my best too. And if he didn’t mean it, he would apologize. When I got home from my day of shopping, Brady had moved all of the baby shower gifts into a corner and cleaned the place a bit. My parents would be back to pick us up for dinner in an hour.
“Are you sure you want to come to dinner with me and my parents?” I asked.
“What?” Brady said back.
“Are you sure you want to come to dinner with us or do you think meeting up with Sydney would be a better use of your time?”
He rolled his eyes. “Reese, please. Are we still talking about this?”
“Yes! This doesn’t go away just because you want it to.”
Brady reached out to grab my hand and I pulled it away. “I need to shower and get dressed.”
I changed into a bump hugging black dress and black booties with a furry jacket and my hair up in a bun. When I emerged, my parents had arrived and Brady and my dad were speaking quietly near the bar area.
“Baby doll, you look beautiful! I love the red lip!” my mom exclaimed.
Brady and my dad stopped talking and looked at me. I breezed past them and headed out the door and Brady caught up with me.
“Are we okay?” he asked.
“We can talk about it later. And by the way, I’d prefer some alone time with my parents, but I guess it’s fine if you come,” I said.
He nodded and retreated, falling into step with my dad again.
“Honey, make sure you are being nice to Brady. He really is trying,” my mom said.
“Tell him to make sure he’s being nice too. He’s the one who called me a psycho,” I said.
Dinner went well – all of the attention was on me which I obviously love. Our table was secluded on the second level by itself overlooking the rest of the restaurant.
Brady didn’t say much and I started to feel bad for being mean to him even though I was annoyed that he hadn’t apologized yet. If he would just acknowledge that he overreacted about me talking to Sydney, things would have been fine. Or at least asked for my side of the story. I honestly don’t think I was rude to her. Dismissive and condescending? Maybe.
So I started including Brady in conversation, but he was still a bit quiet (even more so than usual and even after all the wine). My parents exchanged a couple of looks, I noticed, and I got the feeling I would be getting a lecture later.
When we got home, Brady finally apologized for blowing up at me, but said he was still upset that I’d “invaded” his “privacy” by answering his phone. And that he’d done “nothing” for me not to trust him. And it was “just” Sydney on the phone. I apologized for being a bitch, but let him know that Sydney is a predator and obviously exaggerating about that happened. He emphasized that he less mad about the “content” of the phone call and more that I didn’t trust him. I had to end the conversation after that.
My parents flew out the next morning and I met them at their hotel before work to say goodbye. My mom pulled me aside while my dad checked out at the front desk. She was wearing studded booties, red lipstick and a grey ushanka hat. It was a lot of look.
“I must say, I was pretty disappointed by your behavior yesterday,” she said.
My mom is never disappointed in me.
“You were not raised to treat people that way, especially someone who loves you as much as he does.”
“Mom, you don’t understand. Brady needs tough love otherwise these things will continue to happen,” I explained.
“He planned that dinner because he wanted to do something very special for you.”
“It was just dinner and y’all were already in town. You act like he went out of his way to do anything.”
“Very special,” my mom repeated. “Because he really loves you. I think it’s safe to say you were successful in completely pushing him away.”
“What do you mean ‘very special’?”
“Brady wanted you to have a memorable evening and he pulled back because of the way you treated him,” she explained, sniffling.
My dad rejoined us and then I realized that Brady planned to propose. Hence the romantic dinner with my parents and them trying so hard to get me to make up with him. The very special plans. And I was such a brat that he chickened out.
34 thoughts on “i foiled his plan.”
Hi Reese, wow, I get your annoyance with a Sydney. She definitely needs to be respectful of your and Brady’s relationship. While I understand Brady’s wanting you to trust him, there’s no reason for you to trust her. If she were a more mature person knowing how you feel about her which I’m sure she does she would step back a little. One of my guy best friend of nearly 15 years has/had a girlfriend (they’re working things out I think) who although doesn’t know me felt uncomfortable with our friendship—we’ve never been involved except for one time when we kissed while were both single but we (me) decided not to pursue it further. I didn’t want to be a reason they would argue so I stepped aside and just let him do his thing and mainly just stayed in touch during the holidays or to wish each other well on our birthdays. Not the best feeling being that he’s a best friend but that’s what you do for people you care about when you want to see them happy. Getting back on topic, she should definitely back off. I’m glad you stood your ground with both her and Brady.
I hope you and Brady can work things out and that he does propose. Your baby shower sounds like it was lovely. Enjoy the remainder of your pregnancy and stay positive! Wishing you well.
I agree – she is not trustworthy. she’s also just SO annoying
I think my problem with Sydney is that, as far as i can remember, she has never made an effort to ask you out to lunch/dinner one-on-one to get to know you. BUT, in her defense, she is obviously following Brady’s lead when it comes to their friendship. He is the one that hasn’t established boundaries to her and is obviously giving her the vibe that it’s okay to call him with questions about her job or the marathon, or that it’s okay to come over and get high with him while his pregnant girlfriend is in bed. His reaction to you answering his phone, and then immediately believing Sydney’s side while not even wanting to hear your side of the conversation because you’ve “gone psycho” before, was absolutely ridiculous and a bit over the top. All of it seems shady to me. Honestly, I don’t think what you said to her or how you said it was mean. You were firm, and sure maybe condescending, but you were drawing clear boundaries with her. Is there anything she could do to make you more comfortable with their friendship? Does Brady have any female friends that you don’t care about them talking and hanging out?
I understand why he didn’t propose, but before he does I think you guys need to have a very serious and honest talk without it turning into a fight. I totally relate to the problems you guys are having…I literally just broke up with my boyfriend last week because he called me a piece of shit and said he hated me because he was mad I was ready to leave the bar on Halloween and he didn’t want to. So I ended it. Saying things like that to someone you say you care about is unacceptable. And my issues with him started awhile ago because, like Brady, he refuses to talk about how he feels and where he sees things going with us, so then I would push all of those feelings deep in me until one night I explode. He also refuses to talk after a fight has finally calmed down. And that’s not okay.
Anyways, can’t wait to hear what baby names you’re thinking of. You should do a poll on here and list your favs and then just see what we all vote. Obviously we wouldn’t be voting and expecting you name the baby that, but it would be interesting to see everyone’s opinions. Hope you’re feeling good!!
I agree that she’s following Brady’s lead and he needs to be the one to set the boundaries. I honestly don’t even think there is anything romantic going on with them, it’s not that at all. none of his other friends would call at inappropriate times or overstay their welcome. she’s the worst.
I’m sorry about you and your bf, but I am so glad you stood up for yourself and recognized that you don’t deserve that. that is not okay even if he had been drinking (ESPECIALLY if had been drinking). you’re gonna find someone amazing!
I’ll think about it posting the names… I kind of want to keep them 100% to myself until she gets here. I don’t want any opinions! but I’d love to hear any ideas if y’all have them.
I haven’t commented in a while, but really just wanted to say. I do feel like Brady is trustworthy but i can definitely back up that Sydney is not. When a man is in a relationship, especially about to have a friggen baby, there are certain boundaries. If you still want to approach the conversation, I would maybe try to that way. It has nothing to do with Brady and everything to do with her, and maybe he could just distance himself a little so she isn’t calling him nearly every day. He certainly would feel the same way if you had a man acting the same way with you as Sydney does with him.
Also I do think you’re justified in feeling the way you felt when he confronted you, but I think you both need to find a healthier way to manage your fights.
I was in a similar situation when I was dating my husband. He had a friend who he dated in high school but stayed friends and kept in touch through college and afterwards. She had no boundaries and when he refused to even introduce us, I ended it and said if my feelings weren’t more important to him than hers, I wasn’t prepared to be second to anyone. After we broke up they dated and it was torture but eventually he remembered why they didn’t make a good couple and cane crawling back (don’t worry I made him work for it). After that I made him choose, me or her. He chose me. Now a decade later we’re all on friendly terms (shot got married and had kids and stopped being obsessed with my husband). In my experience, he was the only one who could make her stop interfering because I was “crazy” too.
ugh I hate this. I’m glad things worked out but so annoyed that they dated after y’all broke up. I can’t imagine how you must have felt.
I don’t often comment because I don’t always agree with things and figure if I don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything; however, Sydney needed to be put in check. She needs to learn her role and realize that there are boundaries. I agree that you and Brady need to communicate better, but it’s something a lot of relationships need work on, it’s not unique to you. Passive aggressiveness and name-calling and going out to the bar is not going to help anyone.
He was going to propose? In front of your parents? OK. I wouldn’t have expected that. And, I want to know why he didn’t invite any of his family/friends to the shower. Unless his mom is planning something separately, but I doubt from what you’ve said about her. mum
thanks mum. apparently yes! I talked to my mom when they got back home – I’ll update soon.
I agree, Sydney needs to get a life!
I think it comes down to Brady needing to make a decision about whether his friendship with Sydney is worth the problems it causes in his relationship with you. He knows that you have disliked her since the beginning, that you don’t trust her, and that she gets under your skin. Her texting him for little things all the time makes it seem like she is looking for any excuse to keep his attention. It is fine to have friends that are the opposite sex, but it seems like Sydney doesn’t understand boundaries, and Brady is not setting her straight about it. I would have been mad too, especially when it’s the day of your baby shower and she’s wanting to bug him about something trivial. This is something that is going to keep happening over and over unless Brady backs off with her. When the baby comes, I’m sure he’ll talk to her less and less too because you two will have your hands full, and maybe she’ll kind of just take the hint that he’s too busy to talk to her.
Agreed. I don’t understand everyone else saying Sydney needs to be put in her place. This is on Brady. It’s like when a guy cheats on his girlfriend, and the girlfriend goes after the other woman instead of her man. That drives me INSANE.
Brady is the one who needs to establish some boundaries.
Carrie – I totally agree with what you are saying. My SIL had all kinds of hate toward the girl my BIL cheated on her with. Not saying she shouldn’t be pissed at her, but my BIL was the one who cheated on her. The girl didn’t owe her anything. HOWEVER, as a woman who chooses to lift up other women, if you know a man is linked you should take a step back. Even if he doesn’t know boundaries, you should. Sydney knows they are in a relationship. She needs to step back. Reese said her peace and Sydney went crying to Brady. Not cool. Clearly just my opinion. mum
Exactly this. Sure Sydney is annoying but Brady is the one that’s responsible for her not adhering to any boundaries because he STILL hasn’t set any! It drives me crazy that he would rather fight with you over her than to just take a step back from her and set some healthy, and at this point, very necessary boundaries.
Yes, this is on Brady for continuing that relationship. But as a single girl that respects herself, I would never have that friendship with a guy that is in a relationship and has a pregnant girlfriend! It’s not like Sydney and Brady have known each other for years…. she met him as an unavailable guy, he was in a relationship already and she let that friendship blossom.
Good for Reese for saying something to her. But she also needs to let Brady know how it makes her feel when he talks to Sydney so much. It’s weird he talks to other girls more than he talks to her.
I completely agree with this.
Here’s my question. Does Brady know YOU know he was going to propose? And if so, that seems like the perfect opportunity to have this conversation about communication between the two of you and setting boundaries that protect you and your little growing family. BTW, thank you for these last three updates. It’s great to hear that you are healthy and nearing the finish line. Your baby shower sounds like it was gorgeous! You have good friends.
By the way, I love that you answered the phone when Sydney called and attempted to set the boundaries that apparently Brady refuses to set. My problem with it is that it shouldn’t be your job to do that. Why isn’t Brady enough on the same page with you to respect what you say you need? You aren’t asking him to end his friendship with her, but because of what lies ahead of you two together, you HAVE to be his priority, particularly over a platonic relationship. I’m having a lot of trouble with his failure to recognize that. I wonder if his father repaired issues in his parents’ relationship by putting a band-aid on a bullet wound, like buying gifts and distracting with trips in order to avoid the hard conversations and actually working on what needs to be fixed. I wonder if his father ever called his mother a psycho or crazy. Would explain a lot.
i feel like, no matter how shitty brady has been at leading their friendship.. if i were sydney i would definitely draw a bigger boundary with my male friend if i even get a whiff of his SO not being comfortable at all!! if it is really only friendship then you would maybe try to become friends with the SO? i feel like SHE is disrespectful to you alll the fking time.
i feel like you’ve made your feelings about her very clear, both to her in the way you’ve treated her before, the conversation now and to brady. i think it’s fking insane (!!!!!) that he is even defending her/taking her side. what’s so special about her? he can get OTHER girl friends who can respect the relationship boundaries.
he’s known you longer, you’re having a baby, you live together — even if you were being unreasonable (which you’re not) — WHY does he want to keep having the same fight with you about sydney?
dude honestly i started reading your blog years ago, and i feel like you’ve changed a shitload since then… and I don’t know if he has.
he is a fucking dumbass and i wish i could throw a shoe at him or something.
I agree with you 100%. And after reading your comment, it makes me wonder pretty hard what Brady says to Sydney about Reese that makes her feel so comfortable pushing boundaries all the time. I wonder if he rolls his eyes and says she’s crazy to Sydney. if so, Not. Fucking. Cool. And not fucking okay, in any sense of the word. If he and Sydney are best friends of sorts, she still comes second to his girlfriend who’s carrying his baby. FFS
Still not great given your open feelings towards Sydney but maybe she was calling him about something to do with the proposal? Any chance Brady had her help with something and she was calling about that and had to use marathon as excuse? I know it doesnt make the lack of boundaries okay but just maybe…?
I don’t understand Brady getting so bent out of shape about your answering his phone. I do understand boundaries in a relationship, but I have occasionally answered my husband’s phone when he is not around. Not a big deal. It’s not like you answer Brady’s phone all the time. It was there, you thought there might be a pre-shower issue, and you answered it. So what? Honestly, Brady needs to unstop his ears, because he is not listening to you. You were not upset that Sydney called, or that they are friends, but that she ALWAYS calls, and not at appropriate times. Brady defaulted to a bullshit “Reese is a jealous psycho” arguement , and seemed to miss that you weren’t objecting to Sydney, but her lack of boundaries.
I agree 100% with Mum’s comment above that a rational person backs off if friction occurs with a friend’s SO. Personally, my husband has a couple of longtime female friends, who have now become MY friends as well, because they reached out to me when DH and I got together. They made a point that I could trust them, they respected my relationship, and included me in their friendship with my guy. That is as it should be. I am his wife and they respect that. It certainly makes me trust that there is no funny stuff going on.
I have been a long time follower of this blog, and while I have seen your growth, Reese, I am less impressed with Brady’s growth. He seems to attract women friends who act more like clingy hero worshippers than friends. Furthermore, even though Brady was angry, yelling and name calling solve nothing, do not a cool way to express his feelings. If I were to guess at his behavior, I think Brady knows you don’t NEED him, and that freaks him out, so he finds validation in these clingy women. I don’t think he is cheating, but his need for this validation, though immature, is real. I know he has been a jerk here, but I suggest you might throw him a bone in the future and praise him when he does something nice for you – how he makes you feel wanted or that it makes your life easier. I earn more than my husband, and am pretty independent, but I found our relationship improved immensely if I praised him for little things he did for me – foot rubs, ice cream runs at night, etc. It makes him feel wanted, needed and therefore more secure. I know this might sound manipulative, but feeding Brady’s ego a bit might make YOUR life a lot easier. I am not saying he deserves it right now, but over a decade of marriage has taught me that compromising by feeding my husband’s ego has really worked wonders. Just a thought.
I definitely agree that Brady enjoys the validation and attention he gets from these clingy women. I’m curious what he says to them about his relationship with Reese, like maybe he bitches about her to them and makes it seem like things are on the rocks with her or something, which makes them think they don’t need to have any boundaries with him or respect his relationship with Reese. I definitely feel like he encourages the attention he gets from them.
I rarely comment, so here it goes…
One of my best friends is married with one daughter, and another on the way any day. We talk DAILY, but I also respect his family time. I do not care for his wife, but I still respect her as his wife. I know the whole family is together on Saturdays, so I don’t initiate conversations with them. It is not difficult to have respect for their marriage and still have a strong friendship. The setting of boundaries shouldn’t solely be on Brady, Sydney should also want to respect your relationship.
I completely agree that both Sydney and Brady need to set boundaries. However the responsibility falls on Brady. If Sydney doesn’t have boundaries it could be that Brady has no expectation of them which isn’t fair.
Both parties need boundaries. Brady with Sydney and Reese with Brandon and Hunter. Once all these things are handled I think they can begin to heal.
Also: my comments on your other post aren’t mine. My account was hacked and used on multiple blogs that I follow by someone who has beef with me. It’s been handled and won’t happen again.
Apologies. When it’s me I will NEVER use my full name like the poster did.
Ugh except my name was changed too. Gah. Being hacked is a pain in the ass
I’m curious what you’re referring to when you say she needs boundaries with Hunter? She doesn’t call him or anything like Sydney does with Brady. The only thing i can think of that you might be referring to is that one FaceTime call where Dom answered, but that was Reese’s friend that Hunter was hooking up with that made that call and Reese just happened to be there.
And I’m not trying to be argumentative, I’m really just curious if maybe you have interpreted their interactions differently than me…and if maybe I have missed any more reference to him by Reese.
Final stretch! Hope you are feeling great!