After my last post, I’d decided that I was going to take a break from posting here. The main reason being is that I felt bad about everyone trashing Brady in the comments based on what I wrote. I was venting and it was nice to do that, but at the end of the day, he was still my boyfriend and daughter’s father, you know? It was hard to read everyone telling me we should break up.
Brady went to Florida, we got in a fight about it and I thought it was over. Like, Brady was being an idiot as usual but that’s just who he is. I’ve gotten used to it. But then the following week, I overheard him talking to Hunter in his office. I’ve stopped eavesdropping for my own sanity, but I heard Hunter say something like, “Is she still being a bitch?” so I had to listen.
“Yeah, but that’s nothing new. I’m used to it,” Brady said.
Oh, really? I’m the bitch for not wanting my boyfriend partying in Florida with his nasty brother and a girl he’s had sex with? Of course.
“That’s rough. Did you tell her about-”
“No.” Brady cut him off and started laughing. “And not going to so you can just forget about that.”
Hunter started laughing too. “I don’t blame you. Wifey’s already on my nutsack so I’m ready for our next one.”
“Tell me about it,” Brady said and then said he had a meeting and he needed to go. As soon as he hung up with Hunter, I pounded on the door. A few seconds later, he opened the door looking guilty.
“Tell me what, Brady? What’s Hunter talking about?” I demanded.
“Don’t act fucking stupid. I heard you on the phone. What do you think you’re never going to tell me? Because actually, you’re going to have to tell me,” I said back.
He rolled his eyes. “I need to get back to work.”
“Did Hunter have sex with someone? Did you have sex with someone? Did you have a threesome? What is it?”
“Really, Reese? Why are you spying on me anyway?”
“Why are you always hiding something?”
“I’m not doing this right now,” Brady said as he began to close the door. “I have to work and you’re being ridiculous.”
“No, you’re being ridiculous if you think I’m going to put up with your bullshit,” I said.
So I stormed off and did the only thing I could think of: I messaged Hunter.
“Brady told me what happened in Florida. Both of you are disgusting and should be ashamed,” I said.
I was bluffing obviously, but I thought for sure he would take the bait and not be able to resist taunting me and bragging about whatever happened. Hunter opened the message and read it, but didn’t reply right away. A few minutes later he said, “Nice try, sweetheart. He’s taking that to the grave. 😂”
So of course, I was even more mad. What the fuck were those two idiots hiding? My mind went all kinds of places — prostitutes, drugs, orgies, arrests. I mean, it’s Florida.
Later that night, he came up to me and started talking to me like nothing happened. I let him know that I was not over the conversation from earlier and I wouldn’t be until he decided he was ready to be honest. And of course he deflected and acted like I was being ridiculous. He pouted and told me that whatever happened didn’t even involve him and suddenly I realized. No matter what the big fucking secret was, I obviously couldn’t trust Brady and that was the issue. I’ve never been able to trust him. How many times have we had issues like this, where no matter what explanation or story he gave me, I wouldn’t believe him anyway. And I’m not sure if it’s him and his general sketchiness or my own insecurities, but what kind of relationship is that? Once I had that realization, I was so over him and the whole situation.
Over the next few days he went back to his usual shtick he does when I’m mad at him: bringing home fast food, complimenting me on my mothering, actually being affectionate and acting like he likes me. And that made me ever more mad. Instead of discussing the issue and trying to fix it, he tried to sweep it under the rug and pretend it never happened. No. I didn’t want to do that again.
So I sort of avoided him, throwing myself into work and spending time with the baby. Meanwhile, I was wondering if I really was over this relationship. Was the Florida thing really breakup worthy? And if so, what did that mean? Would I need to move out? Where would Winnie go?
On Friday, he called me as he was leaving work.
“Want to meet me in the city and get dinner somewhere?” Brady asked.
“Actually no.” I was still confused about my feelings, but I knew I didn’t want to sit across from Brady at a restaurant and pretend things were normal when they weren’t.
“Okay,” he said back.
“But if you want to stay in the city for dinner, have at it. I don’t mind,” I said. At least then I could have some space to think.
Brady said he didn’t want to do that and that he’d be home soon. And when he got home, I confronted him and let him in on how I was feeling. I was hoping he would say or do something that made me feel better and more secure in the relationship. I’m not quite sure how he was going to do that, but surely he could think of something. But he just sat there at the kitchen island with his undone tie staring at me while I told him I didn’t trust him.
“I’ve never given you any reason not to trust me,” he said with a straight face.
And so I brought up Tia, Sydney, and some of his other shortcomings. And rehashing everything out loud like that made me even more mad and started cementing my feelings. I may be slightly unhinged, but I don’t think I deserve that.
“Wow,” Brady said once I finished my monologue. And then he stood up from the barstool he was sitting in and walked out of the kitchen.
Really? He’s so emotionally stunted, it’s not even funny. Even if I wanted to talk through our issues, clearly that was not going to be an option when he is physically incapable.
I didn’t bring it up again and obviously Brady didn’t either. Over the next few weeks, he spent a lot of time at work, was polite when he got home and spoke only about Winnie. She was still acting like a little terrorist, but she’s so sweet in between her tantrums that it was easy to overlook. Seeing Brady and Winnie together sort of melted my heart because it’s clear how much they love each other, but it also made me that much more mad that he can’t get his shit together.
It was weird. Brady and I were cohabiting and coparenting, but not really communicating with each other at all. We avoided being in the same room at the same time, slept in the bed with our backs to each other, and ate dinner separately. Brady stopped working from home on Mondays and started going in on Saturdays again. All because he didn’t want to be honest about Florida.
And so I started trolling through Zillow, setting up tours for places out of my price range in the city. It was depressing seeing what I could afford when I didn’t have a trust fund like Brady does. So then I wondered if I even wanted to be in New York at all anymore. At that point, what was keeping me? I bookmarked places in Chicago and even Houston. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.
While all of this was happening, work was picking up — a very welcome distraction. I didn’t even care that Mike was dumping loads of work on me and Lazy Paige was dumping even more work on me because at least it gave me something else to focus on.
I hadn’t really talked to Brendan and Mike let me know that Brendan would be “out of the business” for a while so if I had any construction related questions, I should reach out to Thomas. I thought nothing of it — Brendan was probably off the grid on vacation somewhere with his wife. Good for him.
But then while we were visiting a job site, Thomas let it slip that Brendan’s wife had filed for divorce. Whoa.
“He’s not really sure what he’s going to do now,” Thomas explained to me. “Her family is loaded so I guess it’s going to get kind of messy. I feel bad for the guy.”
And I did too, of course. I remembered how upset he seemed when they temporarily separated so I couldn’t imagine how he was feeling now that she’d completely cut the cord. I considered reaching out to him, just to let him know that I was available if he needed to talk, but with our history and what was currently going on with Brady, I figured I’d better not. As much as I wanted to know if he was okay, I kept my distance.
I couldn’t stop thinking about him though. I relied on Thomas for information, pretending not to care when he told me that Brendan was moving out of their townhouse or that they were meeting up for lunch. I couldn’t help wondering what made the wife finally file for divorce. Is it because she can’t trust Brendan like I can’t trust Brady? Did Brendan actually have a conversation with her and try to fight for their marriage? Was he sad? Mad? Relieved? And with all of these new developments, what would happened with our relationship? Would it change? Did he even still have feelings for me? And in typical Reese fashion, I had vivid dreams about Brendan every other night.
One Monday as I was sitting in my office, still exhausted from spending a weekend looking at houses with my mom in Houston, there was a knock on my door.
“Come in!” I called as I furiously typed up a reply to an email. I assumed it was Sam, who was supposed to be stopping by with some files and samples, but the door swung open and Brendan stood there.
**Hi! I still have a lot more to say so I’ll try to continue this later in the week. LOVE YOU ALL!**
15 thoughts on “BIG UPDATE — PART ONE.”
ahhhh i am here for this. have missed you!!
Miss you! Hope all is well.
miss you, too!! things are good but definitely different, lol. i hope all is well with you! if you’re still on twitter, i deleted my main and i’m just on my locked now which is @spitefulheathen
So sorry you feel judged here by the commenters (for you and Brady). None of us are perfect and you’re being super vulnerable sharing your life with us. I hope you know the supporters are more silent than others.
Good for you to reflect and think about your feelings and self respect. I’m sure Brady has his side of it, but communication is the only thing that can help.
I’m super excited to hear about Brendan! Love and support you no matter what happens.
It’s so easy to hear about someone else’s experience, especially on this platform where you give us your most unfiltered thoughts, and then judge them. I don’t know any couples that don’t have their issues, and I also don’t know any couples where I would tell my friends you need to get out. Unless you are being beaten (mentally or physically or even financially abused) there is no place for anyone to give advice. I’ve been in relationships where I’ve said horrible things, and I’ve had horrible things said to me. It’s part of being vulnerable with someone. Brady and you have been together for so long and you’ve even taken time apart, only you two know the true ins and outs.
We have no leg to stand on when it comes to judging you or giving you (unsolicited) advice. Thank you for keeping us on this journey with you! In fact, some of the entires you’ve written have helped me see myself and own my behavior. So really thank you for being so brave!
It seems like there IS emotional abuse in this relationship though. There is lying, gaslighting, stonewalling, ultimatums, insulting their partner to others, etc. Most people aren’t perfect and do these things but when they become a pattern of behaviour it is emotionally abusive. Emotional abuse isn’t always obvious, it’s in the little things. It seems like Brady’s mother is also a bit of an emotional abuser herself with no boundaries and constant disapproval of everyone and everything. I feel a little bad for Reese as well as she also deals with this and Brady does not do anything about it. I’m not a regular commenter but I did want to point this out.
So glad to see an update! During a boring weekend a few weeks ago i may have binged read all over again from the beginning! Wanted to echo that you have support no matter what.
I think offering advice to someone whose relationship has been shared with us for years is a natural inclination, even if it isn’t particularly objective. But I also apologize for unsolicited advice if it was hurtful for you to read.
For what it’s worth (and I feel condescending just typing this), I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself and really taking yourself into consideration. It seems the gaslighting hasn’t stopped and I do believe you and anyone else in a similar situation deserves better, especially if the person making you feel like you need to question what you see isn’t willing to actually take a look at themselves.
Love reading your life updates! Mine is boring, so I live vicariously through you.
what a cliff hanger…
First and foremost, I’m sorry if anything I said was hurtful or inappropriate. My intentions are based on caring about you, the person I’ve been reading about for years. But it wasn’t a great demonstration of boundaries on my part. I am truly sorry for any pain I caused you.
For the record, I gave you advice I’ve given close friends in the past. Which is that you deserve to be treated with love and respect. You deserve to be happy. And I have to admit that reading you realizing that for yourself made me super proud and happy for you. You are honestly pretty badass, you have grown so much over the years, and it sounds like you have been putting a lot of time and thought into yourself, which is just awesome. Whatever you choose and whatever happens, you got this 💕
Ahhh….so impatient for Big Update – Part 2!!!
Nice to have you back. Not any of my Business but I think maybe even a trial separation would be a good idea. Give you both some space to see what you both really want. Counselling may be a good idea too. i realize that is easy for me to say because I would have a hard time doing it. good Luck
Your blog is for you! No one should be putting things in comments unless you ask. So so happy you’re back! Hope all is well with you and your baby!!
Hoooo boy this is was a wild ride!! Can’t wait for the update-glad you’re back!!!!