don’t compare him to a dog!

Turns out, Miguel is engaged and his fiancée is this gorgeous gorgeous fitness model named Jasmine. So this was absolutely not going to be a problem and I truly needed to get over myself. He talks about her non-stop and refers to her as “mi amor,” so that’s cute. The three of us met up with her one Summer Friday and stayed drinking wine at the bar for four hours. Jasmine and I initially bonded over having the same pair of Gucci sunglasses, but then she told me how she and Miguel met (a one night hookup from Tinder) and we could not stop talking. Honestly, you could put a pineapple in front of me and I’d find something to talk to it about.

But anyway, I love Jasmine! And at one point she gestured towards Miguel and said, “You’ll have to keep an eye on this one for me,” hinting that maybe he misbehaves at work. Miguel turned to me and winked. Uh, I’ll gladly keep an eye!

Eventually I needed to go pick up Winnie, but they wanted to meet back up for pizza later. I was on the fence about it because I really needed to stay home with my child. I knew Jasmine had been sort of on the fence too so I asked her if she wanted to go.

“I’ll follow you to the ends of the Earth, girl so I’ll go if you go,” she said.

So needless to say, Jasmine and I hit it off.

On Saturday, Brendan came over in the afternoon for a sleepover. I was excited to spend the majority of the weekend with him since typically he’s so busy that we can only hang out a few hours at a time. And I don’t know if this is a weird or unnecessary observation, but Brendan and I don’t have sex that often. Probably just as often as before I had my own place and it’s almost always a marathon. Brady and I had sex all the time (and clearly got carried away — hi Winnie!) so it’s just different I guess. Like sex is not the most important element of our relationship.

We spent the night watching TV and eating takeout and he filled me in on what his family and Danielle have been up to (I did not ask). And then we gossiped about Kendall because he’s gone all in with Cassidy — apparently he was hooking up with two other girls previously, news to me! Then Brendan told me he was taking a little Maine trip with his uncle in a couple weeks and did I want to come? There wouldn’t be a ton for me to do, but it’s really pretty and it would be nice to get out of the city and… I really didn’t need that much convincing.

The next morning, we woke up with no plans, but then Lola texted me wanting to go to brunch.

“Can I bring my boy toy?” I asked her.

“Yes, I’m dying to meet him,” Lola said. That was about as much enthusiasm as I’ve heard her have for a man.

I got dressed in vegan leather shorts, an oversized button down and high top Nike Blazers while I briefed Brendan on Lola. She definitely requires a bit of a warning.

“She’s really abrasive, but she doesn’t mean any harm,” I explained. “And she hates all men, not just you.”

“Oh. Great,” Brendan said.

We met Lola in Greenwich Village at a place she’d found with bottomless brunch. The two of us ordered bottomless mimosas and avo toast and Brendan ordered an entree and one Bloody Mary. Lola pounced immediately.

One Bloody? What are you, twelve?” she said.

“Pacing myself,” he said.

“Brendan is like, not a big drinker,” I chimed in. “So he will probably get tipsy from this one drink.”

“Not a big drinker? I can’t imagine what you guys have in common then,” Lola said.

I mean, true. But I think it’s kind of adorable that Brendan doesn’t drink much. It definitely keeps me in check — can’t be trashed all the time by myself!

“We have plenty in common,” I said.

“Like what?” Lola demanded.

“Like…” Wait, why couldn’t I think of a single thing we had in common? It’s like, he enjoys working out and the wilderness and traveling and I spend all my time eating and drinking and stalking people I don’t know on Instagram. Maybe Lola had found a major fault in our relationship.

But then Brendan — who apparently wasn’t having a mini stroke like I was — let Lola know all the things we like to do together.

“Sounds boring, but I dig it,” Lola said.

She told us that she and Kellen are over once again and she’s seeing a new guy. One she describes as “flawless” which is such a bold and reckless statement, especially coming from Lola.

“So I’m just waiting for it all to come crumbling down,” she said.

“Aw, I’m sure it’s not,” Brendan said and offered her some encouragement in his positive Brendan sort of way.

After a while, the mimosas were setting in and Lola and I were screaming and probably being really annoying. Brendan needed to get going anyway because he was meeting up with his sister so he kissed me on the cheek and left us.

“Ugh, don’t you love him!” I couldn’t help squealing.

“Big golden retriever energy. I’ve literally never seen it personified so vividly, oh my god,” Lola said.

“Lola! Don’t compare him to a dog!” I exclaimed.

“What? It’s not bad. He’s adorable. I can see why you like him,” she said.

The next weekend, I got to keep Winnie and Brendan hung out with us all weekend again. On Saturday night, after we put her to sleep, we were laying on the bed talking. He was telling me about the progress on his new apartment (they were finally able to get stuff done after delays getting approval from the association) and a bachelor party he has coming up and etc.

And then, out of nowhere, Brendan mentioned that his stepmom told him that he should take things slow with me and not get into anything serious. You can always rely on Brendan to overshare! Why would he tell me that? And I thought Margot was supposed to be my girl so what the fuck?

“Why would she say that?” I asked.

“Because of the divorce and everything. She doesn’t think it’s a good idea for me to get into another relationship. Like I should be alone or something,” he explained.

“Right, but why does she think we aren’t taking things slow? Did you tell her we’re serious?” I asked.

“No, just how much time we are spending together I guess. And she knows how I feel about you.”

I was ready to strangle him. What was the purpose of telling me this? I was about to freak out.

“Maybe Margot is right,” I said calmly.

“Really?” Brendan said.

“Yeah. I don’t know. What do you want? I can’t imagine you’d even be ready for a serious relationship anytime soon anyway.”

He looked kind of taken aback and then said, “Are we not serious?”

“I don’t know!” I wasn’t about to admit that I already have Pinterest boards dedicated to our wedding, babies, and new apartment. “I haven’t really thought about it.”

“I have pretty serious feelings for you. I think you know that,” Brendan said.

“Yeah, but like, do you even want to get married again? Do you want to be alone for a while? We can cool things off if that’s what you need.” I was spiraling.

“Of course I want to get married again. I mean, not now—”

“Obviously!” I screamed.

Apparently all of this was hilarious because Brendan started laughing. I was about to kill him and his big mouth.

“What is literally so funny?” I demanded.

Brendan pulled me close, still laughing. “You mean everything to me.”


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