It was probably a coincidence, but Brendan was really busy when we got back from Houston. There was a work event for Danielle, a friend’s birthday dinner, a concert with Kendall (who even goes to concerts anymore unless it’s Beyoncé?), a work trip to Florida and then a separate trip to Florida for “fun.”

Florida is the bane of my goddamn existence. I hate her so much. And I always side-eye Brendan when he takes these little trips to Florida. Remember when he said that he and his ex-wife spent a lot of time there because her family has a vacation house? Why was he so eager and excited to spend time there now? What is there to do? He was posting pictures on boats and fishing and other things that don’t even seem fun and could easily be done not in Florida.

And I’ve been trying not to, but I ended up on Reagan’s Instagram and she was also in Florida at the same time as Brendan and posting bikini pictures. Well, she was tagging places like “The Best Place on Earth” and stuff, but I knew from the pool and lounge chairs that she was at her family’s Boca Raton house. Obviously Brendan wasn’t meeting up with her, but I still watched her stories closely to see if his arm or shoe showed up in the background. Like any sane girlfriend would.

Her stories were like: 

• A full body bikini shot
• A laying down bikini shot
• An açaí bowl
• A full body mirror selfie (in a different bikini)
• A heavily filtered picture of the pool
• A full body mirror selfie dressed for dinner (in designer head to toe – so much for quiet luxury!)
• A photo of her looking bored at the dinner with an untouched plate of pasta in front of her
• A video of her laughing and telling an inaudible story to or about the people she was with

While I was tapping through her story for the billionth time, a text from Brendan popped up.

“What are you doing?” he asked. Like he knew!

Anyway, I had other stuff going on so I shouldn’t have even been worried about any of that. Brady and I have been talking about sending Winnie to school in the fall for months. Like real school where she’d have a classroom and a schedule and a backpack and everything. I cannot believe my girl is getting so big! If I think about it for too long I start to spiral into an existential crisis.

Obviously each of us had done our own research and I found a school that was perfect. It’s only a few blocks from our apartment so we can walk and she’d go Tuesday through Thursday and get out with plenty of time to eat and nap before her dance class in the evenings. Brady was trying half-heartedly to get her into a school near him in Connecticut, but we all knew that wasn’t going to happen. It didn’t make any sense for her to attend school in Connecticut — not with our loose custody schedule or with Brady’s work schedule. He’d have to drastically reduce his working hours and I just can’t see that happening. I also argued that Winnie would experience so much more culture and diversity by going to school in the city. Brady, clearly offended, informed me that there is plenty of culture and diversity in Connecticut. I sent him a screenshot from the Connecticut school’s website where the pictures they posted showed exclusively blonde hair and blue eyed children. Which is fine obviously (Winnie has blonde hair and blue eyes) and I’m sure all of those children are absolutely lovely, but you know what I mean. So I was trying to get him on board with my school mainly because I needed him to pay for it.

One Saturday morning, Winnie and I slowly made our way to Brady’s house. We’d already been to breakfast and every floor in Nordstrom and now I was ready to ditch her for the weekend. I didn’t have any plans, but my child is exhausting.

We let ourselves in (as we always do) and I shouted at the top of my lungs, “We’ve arrived!”

Brady was probably upstairs in his office working so I wanted to make sure he heard me.

Out of thin air (the living room), a girl appeared.

“Hi, I’m Caroline!” she ambushed me. “Or Cara.”

I barely had time to even think about it, but I figured it was her. I was caught off guard because I had in my mind that Brady would never let me meet Kara/Cara/Caroline because you know how he is. “Drama” avoidant. She was dressed in scrubs, like the cute fitted ones people are wearing now, and was actually strikingly pretty. Prettier than I expected, I guess? I figured Brady would go for another mousy girl like his ex, Anna. Like Winnie mentioned, she did indeed have beautiful hair. It was really thick and full and shiny and perfectly blown out. Dare I say, princess hair?

She stopped close to me, right in my personal bubble, and stuck her hand out to shake mine in a way that felt aggressive. I was wearing a tank top and shorts (it was really hot that day) and I saw her glance quickly down at my boobs.

“I’m Reese,” I said, shaking her hand.

“Hi Winnie!” she said.

Winnie ignored her entire existence and threw her bag filled with dolls and toys on the ground before calling out for her dad. Brady came bounding down the stairs and Caroline picked up Winnie’s bag and disappeared to put it away. He was wearing glasses and looked kind of cute.

“Hey,” Brady said to us. He picked Winnie up and they hugged and greeted each other and then he looked at me like, “You’re dismissed.”

Uh, excuse me? I was absolutely not dismissed. I almost always stay for a chit-chat when I drop Winnie off so what was this? Why was Caroline even there?

“I need to talk to you,” I said. I had a folder with all of Winnie’s new school information in it (including the tuition) with me and I wanted to go over it with him.

“Right now?” he asked.

“Yes.”

It was so weird. I don’t really know how to explain it. Brady and I haven’t been together in so long, but I still feel like he’s one of the closest people in the world to me. Despite everything that has happened, he still feels like my family and I know him like the back of my hand. I feel like I can do or say whatever I want around him because it’s just Brady? He watched me push a baby out of my vagina, you know? But now with his new woman here in the flesh, he felt like a stranger.

“Fine,” Brady said and we went to the kitchen.

Winnie got herself comfortable and started opening doors, pulling out markers and books and games, and climbing into the pantry for snacks — getting his house properly chaotic like ours.

“Aww, Caroline seems nice,” I said because I couldn’t even help myself.

“What did you want to talk about?” Brady asked, ignoring what I said completely.

Guess we weren’t discussing that! 

So I pulled my folder out and said, “Winnie and I toured this place two weeks ago and she loved it.”

“Did she say that?” he asked as he started flipping through the folder. 

“No, but I could tell.” I described to him the layout of the school with a greenhouse and atrium, the super secure outdoor recess area, the exotic classroom pets, how the lunches look like Pinterest bento boxes, the yoga and music classes and how all the teachers are bilingual and trilingual. I think Brady zoned out halfway through my spiel and just stared at me and my boobs. Were they really on display that much? Maybe I did it subconsciously just to sway Brady a little more, who knows.

“How is this any different than [the school I suggested]?” Brady finally asked.

“Were you even listening? Literally all of it!” God! 

“Winnie doesn’t have a phone. I don’t think she’s going to care if she can put her lunch on Instagram or not,” Brady said. He was deliberately missing the point and trying not to smile.

“Obviously!” I heard Winnie scream-laughing in the other which told me that she was watching a video or playing with Caroline or otherwise preoccupied. “I’m just explaining to you that everything about this place is perfect.”

“Except that it’s in Manhattan.”

“Uh, that’s the best part.” Was this dude for real? “She’s not going to school here and you know it. You wouldn’t be able to drop her off and pick her up in time with your work schedule and I for-fucking-sure will not be driving to and from Connecticut everyday.”

Brady said, “Well, I can’t afford this.” He was on the page with the tuition breakdown printed on it.

I’ve never in my life heard Brady say he can’t afford something. I know that he’s really smart and thrifty with his money and he never buys anything — so what was he spending all his spare money on? And didn’t he just sell his house? I didn’t believe him.

“Are you kidding me? Yes you can!”

“I don’t think my college tuition was even this much. It’s a little ridiculous,” he went on.

“You think your daughter’s education is ridiculous?” I clarified.

“Of course not, but she has years and years of education ahead of her,” Brady said. And then added, “But let me guess — you haven’t considered anything beyond the next twelve months?”

Guess the titties weren’t working!

We went back and forth a little more and he said he was willing to “compromise” on the New York vs. Connecticut thing, but it would have to be a different school because this one was too expensive. I pointed out that Winnie was already in love with this one and her spot was already reserved for the fall. Do you think Brady had taken the initiative to reserve Winnie a spot at his silly little school in Connecticut? No! Because he knew it wasn’t going to happen!

Eventually when Brady hadn’t caved, I decided to bring out the big guns.

“Okay, well if you can’t help pay, I guess I can ask my dad,” I said.

Brady smirked. “I highly doubt your dad is going to pay for this.”

Like he knows my dad so well?

“My dad actually cares about Winnie’s development so he definitely will.”

“Okay. Let me know how that goes,” Brady said, still smirking like he knew exactly what I was doing.

I was totally bluffing about going to my dad for help, obviously, and he’s super frugal so there was no way he was going to help with the cost of Winnie’s school. So Brady was right and I was annoyed by that.

“Winnie, I’m leaving!” I shouted through the house.

“Bye, Mommy!” she squealed back, but didn’t even get up to come hug me goodbye. I could hear the music from her iPad playing.

As I headed to the door, I yelled, “Byeee, Caroline!” to wherever the hell she was.

There were several beats of silence and then she shouted, “See ya later!” back.