It was only a matter of time before Izzy started joining us for our Thursday-Friday happy hours. It started as a thing Brendan, Miguel and I did (and sometimes Paige, last year) and then Gigi invited herself a few times and now Brendan was out and Izzy was in. She walked in still hitting her vape so I was instantly annoyed by that.

“Is that my shirt, you fucking bitch?” Gigi greeted her.

Izzy looked down at her basic ass cropped white tee and shrugged.

Is that how y’all talk to your sisters/siblings? A few years ago, my friend Kendra lectured me because I playfully called her a bitch over text message. She was like, “I can’t believe you still speak like this. It’s so disrespectful and unnecessary — grow up.”

I was like, huh??? We’ve always jokingly called each other names in our 20+ year friendship, like it was completely normal? She’s always adulted differently than me and I thought she was once again being uptight and ridiculous. But hearing the derogatory way Gigi and Izzy speak to each other is so jarring and…perhaps I’m getting old but I can totally see what Kendra meant. If even I am clutching my pearls then it must be extreme.

I had every intention of grabbing my things and dipping out (there’s only so much of Gigi and Izzy’s squawking one can take), but Miguel begged me to stay for one more drink. I agreed — mainly because I felt bad about leaving Miguel alone with them knowing how annoying and exhausting they are. He’s the one who hired them both so he really shouldn’t be annoyed, but I still felt bad.

Several hours later, I was still sitting there with a spicy margarita in front of me. Admittedly, Gigi and Izzy were annoying me a lot less than expected and I was kind of entertained hearing about bad decisions other than my own. Most of Izzy’s stories involved recreational drug use and sex that didn’t sound 100% consensual. Total pick-me energy. 

She said, “So yeah, we were in LA and tripping bad on molly. I had been hanging out with this producer guy and we all went back to his mansion. He had been telling me he wanted to fuck me all night so I was down for it. And I was pretty much blacked out at that point. We started fucking in his bedroom and his friend came in and put his dick in my mouth. He was hot so I didn’t care, but I was like ‘what is happening??’”

I was like, “Oh. That’s not…great.”

I’m not sheltered at all or anything but I’m always so surprised by people’s casual drug use. It’s just not something my friends and I were ever into. I remember finding out that Brady is a stoner and being so surprised by that because I’ve never even properly smoked weed — not even in high school (nope, too busy giving out hand jobs at football games). There’s no real reason why either — I think I’ve always just been afraid of not having control of my body or actions. Which is crazy considering I drink like a fish which I’m sure some would argue is just as bad.

At this point in the evening, Izzy was standing up next to Miguel in his chair and she was reaching over him to eat the French fries and wings off the plate in front of him. And Miguel had his arm around her waist (which is the move he does right before exchanging numbers/Instagram names with some random happy hour whore). They started going back and forth about Izzy tagging along with Miguel to Queens for something. And I know this is petty, but Miguel said I’m not his type, but Izzy is? Don’t get me wrong, she’s a cute girl but she’s so loud and usually always wrong. And she’s 23. And her lips are overfilled. And her false eyelashes make her look trashy.

“If you want to come with me, you have to finish your drink,” Miguel said.

“I am, I am!” Izzy said.

She still had an almost full glass of some basic girl cocktail (vodka soda with lemon I think) and then when the server came by, Miguel ordered another round for the table.

“Not me, I’m leaving,” I said.

“Already? But whyyyy?” Izzy whined.

“Because I have a child,” I said, which always gets me out of situations with these people.

“K!” Gigi and Izzy exclaimed.

“I think I owe you an email, Reese,” Miguel said. At this point Izzy was glued to his side and had an arm wrapped around his neck. “So if I don’t get it to you tonight, I’ll send it in the morning.”

I was thinking, “Wow, he’s gonna fuck her, isn’t he?” How messy. Don’t shit where you eat! Couldn’t he at least wait until she’d been working there for longer than a few weeks?

“I’m going to need it tonight,” I said, even though I didn’t.

Miguel and Jasmine can do whatever they want in their relationship, I honestly don’t really care, but after all the troublesome stories Izzy had been telling us, Miguel hooking up with her felt particularly gross.

On my way out I texted Jasmine, “Miguel is not behaving!” I had to do something.

Jasmine replied, “Ugh!” but didn’t ask for any details or for me to elaborate. So I didn’t. I was like, this isn’t my business, I’m going to forget this happened and move on with my life. But I was definitely looking at Miguel differently.

And I completely forgot about it as planned until the next morning when Gigi texted our group (I’m for some reason in a group chat with the sisters) and said, “Bitch, are you almost home?”

Izzy said, “Yes, but I’m going to need to stop at Duane Reed 🫣”

Gigi said, “Ugh, you’re such a hoe!”

So wait. If I were following this story correctly, Miguel and Izzy had gone to Queens together after happy hour to do God knows what and now she needed to go to the pharmacy? I hated all of this.

Anyway, I am so overwhelmed by everything I have to tell y’all. Life has been crazy. I guess I’ll just start with Labor Day weekend where I had plans to go to Brendan’s family cabin with him and his family. Brady was supposed to have Winnie that weekend, but a week before he texted me to say that his plans had changed and would it be okay if she stayed with me? Of course I was more than fine with this — I hardly ever get to spend holidays with my baby. I would have to back out of the cabin trip though because as far as I was concerned this was an adults only trip and Winnie wouldn’t even have anything to do while we’re there. But Brendan insisted we both come and that it would be “so fun.” Brendan and Winnie are super close and love each other so I’m not surprised he wanted her to come with us, but I was worried because Winnie hasn’t spent any significant amount of time with Brendan’s family and what if she was annoying or acted like a brat or threw tantrums the entire time? She’s just a child of course so all of this is normal, but there is no one her age in Brendan’s immediate family so I was hyper aware that no one would be used to it.

But it turns out, I was worried about nothing and the cabin trip was absolutely fine. Winnie took an immediate liking to Brendan’s dad (who’s surprised?) and followed him around the cabin to see all the stuff he was doing. And Margo made a comment about how she was surprised at how well-behaved Winnie was being (I always tell her stories of Winnie misbehaving). I was like, yeah same. The internet connection and iPad definitely helped too.

The only issue I had was one evening Brendan and Winnie were sitting on the couch watching YouTube videos together and they looked so fucking cute. My sweet little babies! I love them so much. I got up to take a picture of the scene and Brendan’s sister Danielle, who had arrived separately to the cabin a few hours earlier and hadn’t said a word to me, came up beside me and said, “Aww, Brendan, you can add this to your Hinge profile!”

She was obviously joking, but it wasn’t even funny and at my expense? What’s her problem? I’ve come to terms that Danielle and I will never be friends, but still, it was uncalled for. Couldn’t she at least pretend she didn’t wish Brendan was still with his bitchy ex-wife? I turned and gave her a look — the same kinda look Jada Pinkett Smith gave Chris Rock right before Will Smith went on stage and slapped him, what a moment in time — but I was not about to give her the satisfaction of a big reaction. She’s such a bitch. Like Brendan would ever even be on a dating app!

I didn’t think Brendan even heard her and was mostly just curious to see how the picture turned out (adorable, ofc). And Danielle fucked off after that and didn’t interact with me or Winnie for the rest of the evening. I think Brendan has realized that me and his sister don’t get along as well and he doesn’t try to force it.

However. The next morning we all sat outside on the deck and ate the beautiful breakfast spread Margo put together. Afterwards, I was in the kitchen alone, minding my own business, and Danielle came in and cornered me. Mind you, she hadn’t spoken a word to me since arriving.

“Heyyy,” she said to me.

“Hi,” I said back.

“I wanted to apologize for my joke yesterday. I hope you know I wasn’t being serious,” Danielle said.

“Oh, it was a joke?” I said because aren’t jokes supposed to be like, funny?

“Yeah. I was being funny.”

Fascinating! “Oh.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t trying to offend you.”

“Okay. I wasn’t offended,” I lied. What was I supposed to say? Obviously Brendan sent her to apologize because he didn’t want there to be any tension. I was happy to pretend everything was fine and go back to ignoring each other.

“Okay, good. I just wanted to make sure,” Danielle said.

“K,” I said and that was that.

Sorry this is so short, but I’ll be back soon. I have so much to tell you about my mom, Brady, Cara and Winnie.