Maybe this is unhinged, but approximately one week after getting back from Mexico, I began starting each day with a pregnancy test. I was paranoid about getting pregnant. I’m sorry if this sounds bad or triggers anyone, but I knew if I did get pregnant I wouldn’t keep it. Brendan had made it clear that he didn’t want a baby, and I really didn’t want one either (but could probably make it work if it happened). I’ve seen first hand what an unwanted pregnancy/baby can do to a relationship and I certainly didn’t want that to happen again.

None of the tests came back positive, thank God. I’m sorry, but the last thing I needed was an unwanted pregnancy on my hands. And despite the fact that he was apparently not ready for a child of his own, Brendan was really leaning into his stepdad role. I’ll admit that in the beginning, he was just like a fun uncle or something and it was a free for all when he was around. It was like: Brendan’s here so we can all stay up late and order pizza and scream at the top of our lungs! But now that it’s been a few years and they’ve gotten more comfortable with each other, he actually calls out Winnie on her misbehavior. You know, in his Brendan kinda way — the same way he speaks to his stupid employees. Winnie tries to push her limits and he says things like, “I thought we already decided you aren’t supposed to do that.” And she’s like, “Oh yeah, I forgot.” Or sometimes he will actually put his foot down about something (she’s usually bullying him about the TV or her dolls) and she talks back so Brendan says, “Okay, well I’m not going to argue with you.” And then she knows he’s actually serious and so she stops. I don’t know — I just love seeing their relationship evolve and the fact that they are still so close. He’s going to be such a good dad…someday!

When Winnie went back to school in January, she was going Monday through Friday instead of just Tuesday through Thursday, like she did in the fall. It was absolutely necessary because 1. She loves school and 2. She needs to get used to a full schedule since she starts kindergarten later this year (CAN YOU BELIEVE IT, I’M LITERALLY FREAKING OUT).

When I told Brady about the schedule change, he didn’t argue or even seem to care even though he’d be losing an entire day with her. He was mostly annoyed at my suggestion that he could drop her off at school on Monday mornings because that wouldn’t work with his perfect established schedule. I’m like, “Okay, I’ll pick her up from your house on Sunday night so she can be at school on Monday morning. I don’t care.” God. He loves to make things hard. Eventually Brady agreed to my suggestion of dropping Winnie off at school on Monday mornings (because what else was he going to do?). Then she would spend the week in the city with me and he will pick her up from school on Friday afternoons so she can spend the weekend with him.

One day I was balls deep in the online portal for Winnie’s school, being nosy. You know me. I usually spend most of my time in the address book section where it has everyone’s parents’ contact information where home addresses are listed (which I then copy and paste into Zillow to see how much everyone’s homes are worth). My favorite part is that they list the parents who are still together on the same line on the spreadsheet and the parents who aren’t together on two separate lines. That’s how I found out about one couple’s divorce last year. I immediately texted Victoria (Olivia’s mom) to discuss because I’ve become that mom.

So anyway I was scrolling through the list to see if anything had changed and I saw that there was a new entry next to Brady’s contact information. They’d added Caroline (“fiancée”) with all of her details. For context, almost all of the communication with Winnie’s school goes through me so they’d clearly gone out of their way to get Caroline added to the contact list. And for what reason? She’s a weekend stepmom (barely) and has nothing to do with Winnie’s school.

Before I could stop myself, I took a screenshot and sent it directly to Brady. He sent back a question mark a few minutes later.

“Why was it necessary to add Caroline?” I asked.

“I don’t see why it matters to you, but I was told to add her just in case. It is unrealistic for me to pick Winnie up every Friday so sometimes Cara might have to instead,” Brady explained.

Excuse me?

“If you can’t pick her up on a Friday, just let me know. I can pick her up. Fridays usually aren’t busy for me,” I said.

“It’s fine. Cara is okay getting her and I don’t anticipate it happening often,” he texted back.

I started to type back, “Does Winnie even like Cara?” because does she? I’m not convinced. But that seemed petty and mean so I sent back a thumbs up and we ended the conversation there. I didn’t want him to think I was more bothered than I was. I didn’t care really, it just seemed like he was trying to force the Caroline thing on us. I get that they are engaged and will eventually be getting married allegedly, but it’s not my fault that he didn’t ease into the relationship and just jumped head first into an engagement / cohabitation situation and it was going to take me (and Winnie) some time to get used to it.

And maybe I shouldn’t even be judging because Winnie and I had a trip planned with Brendan and his entire family + extended family to Jamaica the second week in February. I couldn’t exactly be mad about the potential of Brady’s silly little fiancée occasionally picking Winnie up from school when she was cozying up with Brendan and his family, right?

Anyway, the trip was to celebrate Valentine’s Day / Brendan’s birthday (even though he was taking another trip with his boys for his actual birthday — sus) and in addition to Brendan, Winnie and me, Margot and Brendan’s dad were going, and Danielle was coming and bringing a friend, Brendan’s uncle was coming with a couple friends, Brendan’s cousin Daphne and her husband/kids were coming, and one of Margot’s close friends and her family was coming. So a rather large group. Brendan asked me if I wanted to invite my parents.

I was like, “Absolutely not.”

Brendan shrugged and said, “Just a suggestion.”

I appreciated it, but there was no reason my parents should be on vacation with all of us. First of all, I didn’t know where my mom was with her alcohol issues and I was not about to babysit her all week to make sure she didn’t embarrass the family.

A few days later, Brendan asked if I was sure that I didn’t want to invite them.

“I’m sure,” I said.

He explained that they’d rented an entire villa at the resort that had like twelve bedrooms or something so there was plenty of room if I wanted to invite them.

“Okay thank you, but they are not coming,” I said politely. There was no way I was inviting my parents to Jamaica  — you couldn’t pay me to do so — and I was not sure why Brendan was pushing it.

But then a few days after that I was talking to Margot and she said, “Brendan said your parents aren’t coming to Jamaica?!”

“That’s correct, they aren’t,” I confirmed.

“Why not?” she exclaimed. “You invited them, didn’t you? I was so looking forward to it.”

And I really didn’t have a good reason that I could explain (“I’m afraid my mom is going to be herself and I’m not proud of who she is,” sounded terrible) so I didn’t say anything.

“Maybe they’ll reconsider?” Margot went on. “I can call Jackie myself if you want. I think we all expected them to be there.”

Everyone seemed really persistent about this and I kind of wondered if there was a reason they all wanted to make sure my child and family were on the vacation with us. Maybe Brendan was going to propose to me? It seemed very unlikely, but we would be there over Valentine’s Day so who could say?

I got home and invited my mom to come to Jamaica with us and she immediately said yes like she’d been waiting with bated breath for the invite. She said she’d need to make sure my dad could get off work, but even if he couldn’t she was still going to come by herself. I’m like, the invitation is for both of you as a package deal, but okay lady. She texted me right after we got off the phone saying my dad could take the time off and they were both excited to come.

So it was all happening. We were all leaving that Sunday and would meet up at the resort sometime in the evening. I packed a few matching outfits for Winnie and me (what? She’s my mini me and is just like me in every way so why shouldn’t we match sometimes?), bikinis, hats for various occasions, SPH 50 for my baby, a Selkie dress for Valentine’s dinner with my man, AGOLDE criss cross shorts in 3 colors and my new favorite strappy heels by Alohas. One of the first (and my personal favorite) vacation pictures I took was of Brendan and Winnie wearing their respective backpacks, walking through the airport hand in hand. My freaking babies!!!! I love them so much.

Both sets of parents were already at the resort when we arrived Sunday evening. My parents were apparently in one of the bars drinking already, but Brendan’s parents were waiting for us in the villa because they are normal. Danielle wasn’t arriving until the following morning.

And can I just say that I realized why she is so unpleasant to be around? She’s so negative and hates everything and totally thinks she’s “not like other girls.” It was the most time I’ve spent with her and she’s just so…ugh. She hated all of the food options and was constantly asking for a side salad or plain pasta noodles with olive oil. Like, grow up. And she declined any and every activity we all did — even just simple trips to the beach (except one boat trip which I’ll tell y’all about in a sec). I’m like, are you okay? What was the point of coming on vacation if you aren’t going to enjoy it? And she was always in such a dour mood and I lost count of how many times I caught her rolling her eyes at things that didn’t warrant an eye roll. One time a few of us were sitting around the living room and she’d texted Margot (who was in another room) asking her to bring a charger so she could charge her phone. Margot asked some follow up questions to make sure she was bringing the correct one and Danielle was getting annoyed. Eventually Margot came and brought the requested charger. Danielle snatched it from her and mumbled, “How fucking hard was that?” I turned to Brendan to make sure he was seeing what a snotty little bitch his sister is and of course he wasn’t paying attention so he missed it. She’s such a nightmare.

Anyway, other than Danielle, the trip was really good. I gave up worrying about my parents after the first day because there were so many people that no one was paying attention to my mom’s alcohol consumption nor did they care. Especially considering Brendan’s dad and uncle always drink a ton and were shithoused 85% of the trip. Someone had the genius idea to hire 2 local Jamaican nannies to watch all the kids so we could actually relax and have fun. I will not be vacationing without a nanny going forward.

We spent most days at the pool or beach, playing tennis or golf (well, they did, I watched), drinking rum punch and apple flavored Crown Royal, eating local cuisine, getting massages, etc. The resort unfortunately boasted fitness and wellness and Margot had arranged private training with a personal trainer for all of us every morning. The idea was cute, but I only made it to one class.

Maybe I should’ve prioritized working out a little bit more though because on one of the days we all went out on a little excursion on a catamaran. Some of them jumped in the water and snorkeled and stuff, but I was just enjoying the vibes with Winnie and my mom and we sunbathed on the deck. Danielle obviously didn’t get in the water either and my mom attempted to make conversation with her by asking questions about her life and her job and stuff. She was standoffish and was short with all of her answers (my mom is nosy, to be fair) before she eventually got up and stomped to the other side of the boat.

“She’s always like that,” I explained.

“Well, hopefully she has a better day,” my mom said.

So anyway, on our way back to land we were all hanging out on the deck talking and drinking. I was in a two piece by Monday Swimwear and Winnie was in a one piece in similar colors with a lifevest.

Winnie, in front of everyone on the boat, poked my stomach and said, “Is that a baby in there?”

“Oh my god, no!” I screamed and everyone died laughing.

Obviously I’m not perfect, but I’m in probably the best shape I’ve ever been in and it’s not like my stomach was…I don’t know, protruding out or anything. So I don’t know why Winnie would even think to ask me that. And I’m sure I’ve spoken to Winnie about how she was in my tummy at one point, but not any time recently. So where would she have even gotten that idea?

Clearly I wasn’t pregnant (I’d been checking incessantly before the trip and was drinking like a fish), but my mom still wanted to know if Winnie was onto something. She had the nerve to seem disappointed when I assured her that I wasn’t and didn’t want to be. Then we discussed the possibility of Caroline being pregnant. Maybe Caroline was pregnant and told Winnie that she had a baby in her tummy and so now Winnie was walking wondering who else had babies in their tummies. That’s made sense to me. And the thought of Caroline being pregnant was depressing.

As you can see, I was totally normal about Brady and Caroline’s engagement. I was fine if I didn’t sit and think about it for too long. I mostly felt betrayed on behalf of my daughter — who didn’t seem bothered or to care in the slightest after coming home from spending New Years with her dad. So maybe I was offended for no reason because Winnie did not even mention that she knew about it.

I think I’ve briefly mentioned a couple times that Winnie has taken up dance and has been in classes since last summer. Mainly just to socialize and for something to do in the same way my mother put me in gymnastics as a small child. I was actually kicked out of gymnastics, but that’s a story for another day!

So anyway, apparently Caroline is a trained dancer and took classes up until she went to college (a fact she’s told me no less than six times). She always wants to discuss Winnie’s progress and to know if Winnie has learned these certain moves or reached these certain milestones. I’m like, “You know, I think she finally learned that she’s supposed to start dancing once they say ‘5, 6, 7, 8.’” It’s like, she’s a little baby! Everyone else takes it so seriously though including the other dance moms. They all think they’ve spawned the next Maddie Ziegler while I watch their child pick their nose and eat their boogers for the entire class. It’s just so funny to me.

Winnie’s dance school was also out for the holidays, but over the break they held a little mini camp/workshop during the day which I obviously signed Winnie up for because some of us still had to work. To celebrate the end of day camp, the children had put together a little showcase with brunch (aka an excuse to charge more $$ for tickets and a costume) and I told Brady about it in passing since we’d need to modify our schedule to accommodate. He didn’t ask any follow up questions at all, but then Caroline messaged me asking for further details, really leaning into her new stepmom role. Then she was like, “You don’t mind if we come to brunch, do you? I’m excited to see what Winnie has been up to!”

It’s like, why would I give a fuck if you come or not? And you always come without asking so why ask now? Stop being annoying. Was I still feeling bitchy about the entire proposal/engagement? Probably. And it didn’t help that Brendan was traveling and wasn’t going to be able to come with me and you know he’s always with me at these things.

Sunday rolled around and I was back to being unbothered about Brady and Caroline. Like truly, I did not care even though I never got any kind of acknowledgement for the bottle of Clicquot I sent. I was fine!

At first I didn’t notice, but Caroline was acting kind of weird to me. Like, standoffish. For example, usually she always rushes over to say hi when we see each other and gives me some sort of compliment, but we made eye contact when they walked into the event and she didn’t come over to say hi. But I also hadn’t seen her in a little bit (Brady was meeting me outside the house during drop off, remember?) so maybe something had changed. Still I thought nothing of it and marched right over to say hi myself. The last thing I want is to seem petty when I am definitely not.

“Hey!” I said.

“Hey Reese,” Brady said like he was already sick of my shit. I hadn’t even done anything!

Caroline was standing next to him, but kind of behind him and was carrying a tiny bouquet of flowers. I hadn’t thought of getting Winnie flowers, but considering how much she loves them, it was a cute idea that I wish I had thought of.

Brady and I politely chatted for a bit while Caroline said nothing. She’s usually yapping my ear off so again, this was weird. Eventually I leaned over so I could actually see her and said, “Congrats, by the way.”

Caroline looked at me, surprised, and I pointed to my ring finger.

“Oh, thanks,” she said back like she wasn’t expecting me to speak to her. “Thank you for saying that.”

Whatever.

We went into the little viewing room where we could watch the kiddies and Brady plopped into a seat right next to me and Caroline sat hesitantly on the other side of him.

“So…” he leaned over to me, smirking. “Where’s Brendan?”

I don’t know why, but this offended me. Since when does he care about Brendan?

“He’s out of town. Why?” I said back.

Brady shrugged. “He’s always with you.”

“Do you have an issue with that?” I snapped.

“I really don’t care. I just didn’t know if you were still together.”

Uh, excuse me? Hello??? Why wouldn’t we still be together? Did he know something I didn’t?

“We’re definitely still together. No need to worry,” I said.

He continued smirking and said, “I’m not,” in a way that felt sarcastic.

Caroline glanced over at us and he stopped talking to me. She probably thought it was odd that we were having a conversation because Brady hardly ever speaks to me anymore.

A little while later, the children came out and we all went to the decorated tables where brunch was being served. Winnie sat in a chair between Brady and me and climbed back and forth between our laps to gossip about her dance friends. Caroline was definitely being weird, but I felt bad because she was clearly trying to be included and Winnie wasn’t giving her a chance. She wasn’t even interested in the flowers (to be fair, it was an entire bouquet of baby’s breath or something and it was kind of hideous). I even stepped in to try to facilitate interaction between them. I’m like, “Winnie, did you say thank you for the beautiful flowers?” and “Caroline is speaking to you, did you hear her?”

Perhaps he thought I was laying it on thick or something because Brady made eye contact with me and mouthed, “Stop.”

Huh? I mouthed back, “Stop what?” I literally wasn’t doing anything except trying to get Winnie to acknowledge Caroline’s existence. But he didn’t seem to care if they interacted or liked each other at all.

Brady glanced at Caroline and she glanced back and then he ignored me, not answering my question. I’m like, what the fuck is going on? What am I missing? They were both being so weird and I was completely over it.

The next weekend, Brendan and I went on a trip to Mexico, just south of Cancún. It was much needed if you ask me — a getaway for just the two of us with no child to worry about or wedding to attend. I was excited for some uninterrupted relaxation time with my man, my man, my man! And although I said just the two of us, there was another couple there. Do you remember Alexander, Brendan’s high school friend who I met on New Year’s Eve? He and I had what I thought was a short, meaningless conversation that night, but Brendan and Kendall kept teasing me about him and insinuating that I had a crush on him or something. We were all at a lounge one night and Alexander showed up — Kendall was like, “Reese, your bestie is here! Alexander, come over here, come say hi to Reese!” It was all very confusing, we had literally one conversation and it was mainly about his wife. I mean, I thought he was hot but I never told anyone that. (Did I?)

So anyway, Alexander and his wife were also in Mexico and staying at the same resort as us, but aside from a dinner reservation, we didn’t have plans to hang out with them.

I packed bikinis, flowy dresses, a cutout top by Cult Gaia, chunky gold earrings, my entire sunglass collection, etc, really prepared for a sunkissed weekend. But then it proceeded to rain nonstop for all four days we were there. I think I might’ve seen the sun once. But our room had a nice, covered outdoor space with a little pool that faced the ocean so we spent a lot of time out there drinking room service wine and talking. And when we weren’t sitting outside, we were in bed talking and having a lot of sex. I love Brendan literally so much, like he’s my best friend and my favorite person in the world (besides maybe my daughter, usually). But do you know what he told me?

He told me that he got a large settlement from his ex-wife after their divorce. I’m like: interesting, you told me how you argued back and forth about an engagement ring and a Rolex watch, but you never once mentioned a settlement. Apparently since she got to keep the townhouse they got together and “has more money” than him, she (her family) cut him a fat check to settle the divorce quickly.

“Fascinating. And then you spent it?” I said.

“Not all of it,” Brendan said. “But definitely some. I invested the rest.”

“What did you spend it on?” I had to know, mainly because it would tell me how much this “settlement” check was.

“Well, my place obviously,” he said. “She took the house so I had to have somewhere else to live.”

Remember Brendan bought a huge three bedroom apartment a few years ago and I was perplexed how he could afford it? Well, that’s how — his ex-wife’s family bankrolled it. Gross. It shouldn’t matter to me and I guess I can’t hold it against him, but I hated that.