So I’ve always trusted Brendan. If you know me then you know I don’t make it a habit to trust men. They’re all up to something nefarious at all times as far as I’m concerned and should be treated accordingly until they can prove otherwise!

But Brendan has always just made me feel super secure in our relationship. I don’t know if it’s because we were friends before we got together or if it’s the things he says and the way he treats me, but I’ve always trusted Brendan. It was a weird feeling at first because I don’t think I’ve ever had a boyfriend who I completely trusted (and with good reason), but I’ve never been worried about Brendan or what he’s doing behind my back. I sometimes used to wonder if his ex-wife felt the same way about him and then he blindsided her by — for some stupid reason — telling her that he liked me as more than a friend. Ironically the only time I’ve ever felt slightly unsure about us is when I thought there was a chance that he and Reagan would reconcile. Now it’s clear to me that there is not a possibility of that ever happening.

Anyway, I say all of that to say that when Brendan mentioned he was taking a “boys” trip for his birthday, it gave me pause even though I trust him — especially when I found out they were going to Vegas. Maybe I’ve watched too much VPR over the years and it’s rotted my brain but nothing good ever happens in Vegas. And Brendan isn’t even a Vegas kinda guy — he likes a vacation where he can be outdoors like the beach or skiing. And I’m sorry to say this, but the group he was going with also made me apprehensive. There was Kendall, a sweet guy who I really like, but he’s the biggest fuckboy and Miguel, who is married, but acts like he’s single — especially when a very young, pretty girl is around.

But still, I was like, “Okay, go and have fun, I guess I’ll try to find something fun to do on my own.” I actually had dinner plans with Erika (she’d made reservations at a very fancy restaurant) and tentative plans for a boozy brunch with Lola and Kristina.

Brendan kept in touch once he got to Vegas, but stopped texting in the afternoon. I thought nothing of it since I knew that they were going gambling plus I was going to dinner with Erika! I’ve mentioned Erika briefly here before, but she’s Brendan’s stepmom’s friend who is closer in age and vibez to me. The first thing she ever said to me was something like, “Hi, you seem like a bitch so I feel like we’ll get along.”

Me? A bitch? Totally! She read me like a book! Plus she’s really pretty so we immediately hit it off. She has a set of twins and also has a “fuck these kids” mentality that a lot of people would find problematic, but I think it’s kind of refreshing. I think she’s two or three years older than me and she’s married to a banker who is like 25 years older than she is (if Google is correct). Obviously I just assumed that she was with him for money, security and status, but she always speaks so highly of him and seems to truly love him. Like, she talks about her husband in the same annoying way that I talk about Brendan so I love that for her!

Erika showed up to dinner wearing a Jacquemus dress, thigh high boots and a gorgeous pink Hermés Kelly bag. She’s so hot. The restaurant we went to is known for all of its meat selection, but we sat down and ordered the caviar service and champagne for $45 a glass. I was digging the vibes. Erika was born and raised in Miami and you know how much my boyfriend is obsessed with Florida / Miami so we talked about that. I’m like, I really don’t get the hype because I never have any fun there and in general it just seems like a trashy place.

Erika let me know that I’ve been doing Miami wrong and that she’d show me how it really is so we sat there and made plans to go to Miami together. After we finished eating, Jasmine FaceTimed me. She was bored because her husband was, of course, in Vegas and she was looking for something to do. Erika took one look at her and told her to get dressed and meet us out.

We took our party to the busier bar area of the restaurant where older gentlemen with the rich-person-laugh immediately flocked over to us to offer to buy us drinks. Jasmine and Erika both have fat rocks on their fingers, but no one seemed to care. Plus, I could no longer afford $45 glasses of champagne so no one was complaining (Erika paid for dinner, but still). In between entertaining older men in sport coats and loafers, Jasmine and Erika bonded over being island girls and I’m like, I’m just a boring girl from Texas, but I do tan easily hehe.

Brendan texted me a picture of his dinner and then I didn’t hear from him again for the rest of the night. I didn’t even really care (I was out, ya know) until I got home and got in bed and saw that Kendall was posting non stop on his Instagram story. Nothing out of the ordinary, just the normal stuff rich boys like to post like an artistic wrist / watch selfie with a glass of whiskey, poker chips and views from a very high hotel room. And from the looks of things, Brendan seemed to be enjoying himself. Great!

I fell asleep, but kept waking up every couple of hours because — surprise, surprise — I have trouble sleeping when my boyfriend isn’t around. I hate to be that girl, but it’s true and it’s sick. I hadn’t heard anything from Brendan, but was keeping up with him via Kendall’s IG. They’d gone to dinner and then to the casino and then back to their respective hotel rooms to have drinks and then to the VIP section in a club.

I woke up at 5am with no messages from Brendan and immediately went to Kendall’s Instagram to make sure they’d all gotten back to their hotel safely. But instead I saw videos of them smoking cigars and popping bottles of Ace of Spades. Huh? That’s totally not even Brendan’s thing / vibe. Then there was a video of a bunch of scantily clad young girls who look like they’re famous on TikTok dancing in their section. Uh, hello?? At first I thought maybe Brendan had gone back to his hotel, but then he appears in the video just sitting in the booth with a little hottie dancing next to him like all of this was normal.

Do you know what it reminded me of? It reminded me of the fateful trip to Florida that Brady went to with Hunter that ultimately ended our relationship. But that was Brady and this is Brendan, I told myself. Brendan is not shady.

The next story, posted half an hour prior, was a loud and chaotic video taken from the back of an SUV, but I couldn’t really see anyone. And the final post was a picture of the dark empty desert, geotagged “Las Vegas.” What the fuck did that mean? Where were they?

I hadn’t heard from Brendan since his dinner picture and I wasn’t going to text him now, in the middle of the night, so I did the only thing that made sense next. I went to his Instagram page to check who he is following. If he had hit it off with one of these young gals then they would’ve probably exchanged Instagram information. I can’t remember the last time I dug into Brendan’s following list, but the first person that I saw was the rowing instructor who I’ve always suspected has a crush on him. Anytime I’ve ever gone to the class (which is probably 4-5 times total) she’s run over to him after class to tell him how much he killed it during class and how strong he is. And it doesn’t help that she looks kind of like Molly Mae / his ex wife. Exactly how much were they speaking outside of rowing class and why did they need to be following each other on Instagram?!

It was 5 o’clock in the morning, but I still texted Brendan, “I hope your night was fun!” since I hadn’t texted him back about his dinner. Then I scrolled through the instructor’s pictures until I fell asleep again.

I sprang up in bed at 6:30, prepared to get my day started. But first things first. I immediately went to Kendall’s Instagram to see how the rest of their night out went — but get this. The majority of the stories I’d seen earlier were now gone. They were there an hour ago — weren’t they? Or had I imagined the whole thing? Maybe I had PTSD from Brady in Florida and now I was projecting. What the fuck was going on?

You know what I hadn’t imagined though? That Brendan was following his hot rowing instructor on Instagram. I checked again to confirm it. What was that about?

Brendan called later in the morning to tell me how hungover he was. I’m like, “Oh, you are? How interesting! What did y’all do?”

He told me about dinner and the casino (and how Miguel lost $5K at one of the tables which he said in passing like it’s not a big deal, but I would’ve been sick. That’s one whole handbag!) and that he couldn’t even remember getting back to his hotel room.

Now I was really getting PTSD. I think another reason I trust Brendan is because he doesn’t go out and get drunk and forget what he did. So all of this was out of character.

“So yeah, I’m probably gonna take it easy today. We were gonna go golfing…” he said.

Obviously my first instinct was to confront him about Kendall’s story and whose idea it was to delete it in a sneaky way. But then I was like, okay, I need to relax. I felt like I was being crazy and a little bit ridiculous — basically reverting back to my old self. As I’ve said before, Brendan has given me zero reason not to trust him and I didn’t even know how to question him without coming across like a psycho. And plus, I’ve been telling myself that I’m not the crazy one — the stupid men I’ve dated are and Brendan is the exception. And it was his birthday weekend, I wanted him to enjoy himself and not have to worry about little old me. I didn’t even message Kendall (and you know I was dying to)!

So that was that and I got over it. It totally wasn’t that deep, was it? But you know I made myself available to accompany Brendan to that workout class to make sure there was no funny business going on.

A few weeks later, I was sitting in my office tapping through Instagram stories during the middle of the workday like I always do. And then I happened upon a video of MY BOYFRIEND. The video was posted by none other than Gigi and it looked like they were all out with beers / cocktails in front of them. This was at like 2PM on a random Tuesday. She panned the table so I could see that she was with Brendan, Miguel and Izzy. Like a double date basically!

“Our bosses ladies and gentlemen!” Gigi giggled / yelled.

I totally hated all of it — the double date (especially considering I know Miguel and Izzy have hooked up), the fact that Brendan (who is famously not a big drinker) was out drinking during the day, and the fact that he hadn’t even told me about his little midday detour. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t need my boyfriend to share his every move with me — it was just weird that he was doing something so out of the norm and hadn’t told me. Plus, he kind of hates Gigi and finds her unbearably annoying so why was he willingly hanging out with her outside of the office?

But again, I’m like: calm down. Brendan was doing nothing wrong by being out with his employees (even if it bothered the shit out of me) and I’d basically forgotten about it by the time I hung out with him later.

And then another day, I found myself deep in the depths of the city aka at Brendan’s office after a meeting. All of his employees were standing around him like little minions. And the person who was most vocal was little miss vocal fry herself, Gigi. And in general acting she’s besties with Brendan and the center of the universe. At one point, Gigi grabbed Brendan’s forearm and leaned closer to him.

“Wait, what did you say the other night? It was so funny!” she said.

I was thinking: this is it. I’m not crazy. Maybe nothing happened in Vegas and Brendan following his rowing instructor on Instagram was innocent, but there was definitely something going on with Gigi. Had Miguel’s ways rubbed off on him? The way she grabbed his arm was way too comfortable. I would never even touch my boss (Mike). What was it that my mom said? You don’t want to be someone’s second wife because you definitely won’t be their last. Was Brendan already trying to find my replacement? We aren’t even engaged yet! It was basically the same thing that happened before: Brendan had a significant other, he started befriending a girl at work and then suddenly he leaves his SO in the dust! I know that’s not exactly how it happened, but still! Was I about to be blindsided like Reagan? Did this have anything to do with whatever happened in Vegas? Was being faithful no longer a priority for him? And Gigi of all people? She’s cute and funny, but she’s not me!

In the meantime, Brady and I had been sort of texting regularly. Obviously we have to text about Winnie, but he’s usually short and to the point. We were actually having more than 2-3 word conversations though and joking about things like we used to. You know Brady is very hot and cold and I guess he was currently hot!

We were getting along great and asking each other for advice and sending pictures back and forth, etc. Brady was even telling me about Caroline and her job / family and asking me questions about Brendan. You know me, I wanted to know where they are with wedding planning, would it be in Connecticut, if Winnie was going to play a role, etc. And Brady was actually answering me — albeit very unenthusiastically. He’s like, “I don’t really have an opinion on anything so I’m letting Caroline take the lead.”

Of course!

We were getting along so well that one day while we were texting, I asked, “So…is Caroline pregnant? 🤭”

I thought I was being cheeky and that he’d be shocked and surprised that I picked up on it, but ultimately he’d admit it to me that she was. He’d been open about literally everything else and I’d basically just been waiting for him to tell me.

“What the fuck? No!” Brady texted back. And then in another message said, “Why would you even ask me something like that? What’s your problem? That’s so fucking rude.”

Oh? Obviously I was not trying to be rude, not at all. I hadn’t even seen the girl so I wasn’t judging her appearance or anything like that, if that’s how he took it.

“It was literally just a simple yes or no question. I wasn’t trying to be rude, I was just picking up vibes,” I texted back.

“Whatever. You are such a child. Grow up,” Brady said. And needless to say, he went right back to being cold. Oops!

Y’all!!!!! I missed it, but last month was my 10th anniversary writing this blog. Isn’t that insane? I can’t believe that I’ve been doing this for so long and I’ve been through so much along the way. Writing here is still so therapeutic for me and even though sometimes I have trouble finding the time to do it, I plan on continuing this blog until I no longer enjoy it.

I’ll try to be back soon with more updates. I took two trips last month — including to the wedding of an old friend where I saw someone you’ve been asking about — and I can’t wait to tell y’all all about it! Thanks for being here, I love you all!