Hey y’all. Before my next post, I just wanted to say a few things. First, thanks everyone for reading my blog! I appreciate every one of you.
I started this blog because I thought it could teach me things about myself that I wouldn’t otherwise realize. My friends definitely call me out and tell me like it is, but I knew an unbiased perspective would be different. I expected hate – I expected people to call me immature or tell me I was making everything up. I did not expect anyone to think I was racist. My friends know I’m not racist and would have never told me that my jokes were offensive. I’m glad y’all told me. I don’t think all Hispanic people are drug dealers or anything like that and I wasn’t aware that that was a stereotype. I’m sorry to anyone I offended with that comment, that was not my intention at all. I lived in Texas and Arizona where the Hispanic population is huge. I could never be racist.
One thing I’m working on is empathy. I don’t know what it’s like to be a minority so I am probably insensitive in that regard. My ex-boyfriend from college was actually half black (the one who will remain nameless) and sometimes people would make fun. I know that isn’t the same, but I do kind of get it.
I get annoyed when people think my blog is fake and think to myself, “They must not have fun lives or ever go out,” which could certainly be true. Not everyone’s life is exactly like mine and I need to be more open and less defensive if they don’t understand me.
When people call me out for ridiculous things I do like blowing up on people or drunk driving, I automatically assume that you’re looking down on me for things they also do. But everyone doesn’t drive after a night of drinking and people probably handle their emotions better than I do. I’m realizing that not everyone makes stupid decisions like me.
I have a very thick skin and even though I prepared myself for and expected everything y’all are telling me, I didn’t expect that my feelings would ever genuinely be hurt. I’ve opened myself up completely for y’all in this blog so I know that I’m asking for the judgment and etc. But when y’all say mean things about the people in my life, it hurts. Especially considering everything you know about them is what I’ve told you and you dislike them because of they way I’ve portrayed them. That makes me feel awful. I never expected to meet someone I really, really cared about and I hope that by including him in this blog, it doesn’t change the way I feel about him or our relationship. That’s the scary part. I want to continue to be open about my life, but not if it’s going to actually affect my relationships.
I appreciate every comment including the mean ones and especially the people who are always defending me. Y’all don’t have to defend me, I know I’m fucking ridiculous lol. I really thank you for letting me know that you can relate to me. I appreciate it so much!
Once again, thanks for reading. I’ll try to get a new post up tomorrow or Monday.