Kendra and I needed to go shopping for Thanksgiving so we did that during the day on Wednesday. Brady had to work, but insisted I take his credit card to pay for everything. I’m not exactly sure what we got, but we spent almost $400.
Kendra kept saying, “Are you sure he won’t mind?”
And I assured her that he insisted on paying. I mean, he did, right? And it’s not like he gave me a limit or anything. I still got rid of the receipt immediately just in case even though he probably won’t even notice.
Kendra was making the major foods at her house and put Carly and me in charge of a few of the sides, dessert and setting the table. I threw some things in the oven then started setting the table. Then Carly showed up and she brought alcohol so the two of us started taking shots. Since Brady and Chris were downstairs, Carly and I took over Brady’s room and started getting ready and gossiping about Preston. He legitimately has two boyfriends now.
“Get this!” Carly said, doing the hideous open mouthed mascara face in the mirror. “Mr. Murphy and Preston are going to dinner tonight, like an expensive seven course thing. But he also has plans to make dinner with Dillon so he doesn’t know what to do.”
“He probably just shouldn’t participate in Thanksgiving this year,” I said.
“And then!” she exclaimed. “You know how Mr. Murphy gives him a weekly allowance? Well, he spends a ton of it on Dillon. He takes Dillon shopping and everything!”
We predicted that this situation is going to end badly.
I got dressed in a pair of One Teaspoon shorts, a sequin tank and a cardigan that I got a couple sizes too big so I could channel my inner Olsen Twin.
Brady knocked on the door and when I opened it, he said, “Um, did you have something in the oven?”
I totally forgot that I was cooking. I scurried to the kitchen, but the pie and dinner rolls were almost black. Oops. Naturally, I blamed it on Carly.
“Carly, why didn’t you take the pie and dinner rolls out?” I shouted. She didn’t respond.
Luckily, Kendra showed up soon after that and we helped her bring everything in then I asked her to help me whip together some sides together. “Help” meaning she cooks while I finish my makeup.
Brady’s friends started showing up soon after that. First Jacob, Stacey, Dan, and a doughy cheeked guy I’ve never met named Paul showed up. Then that girl Brady works with that I met at his party came. She seems nice enough, but I don’t know why she was invited. Her name is Maddie and she came with her friend, Abby. I was really annoyed by their names.
Everyone started drinking and hanging out while we waited for the food to be ready. The doorbell rang and I announced that I would get it. I wasn’t sure who else we were expecting, but I wanted to be the first to see.
I opened the door and Carly’s older brother, Kyle, was standing there. I think I’ve mentioned Kyle before, but we’ve had this ongoing flirtationship for years. We’ve never hooked up because Carly would kill me, but we flirt and tease each other endlessly.
“Reese,” Kyle said, grinning. He’s so hot. He’s just like, a man, you know? He’s tall and fit and even though he had on a backward cap I could see that his blonde hair has grown out and was peeking out down by his neck.
“Hey Kyle,” I smiled back.
Kyle snaked an arm under my cardigan and around my waist and I could feel his cold fingers on my skin. I hugged him back lightly and he kissed me on my cheek as he pulled away. “Long time no see. How have you been?”
“Fabulous,” I sang. “Carly didn’t tell me you were coming.”
“I wasn’t going to turn down Thanksgiving dinner in the city. What did you cook?”
“Everything,” I lied walking away.
I had no idea that Chris and Kyle had never met, but I watched Carly introduce them. Then she stood there biting her nails hoping they would hit it off. It was so cute.
Finally, all the food was ready and we set up a buffet so everyone could load their own plates. I packed my plate with turkey, green bean casserole and mashed potatoes then made a glass of wine and tequila (sangrila). I sat next to Brady and Kendra sat on the other side of me and Kyle was sitting directly across. He kept making eye contact with me and smirking and winking. I hadn’t formally introduced Brady as my boyfriend to him, but I’m sure he got the memo.
Someone suggested we go around the table and say what we’re thankful for. Ugh. I hate shit like that. Everyone was saying that they are thankful for their families and their friends and Kendra said she was thankful for the opportunity to be a lawyer. It was so cheesy.
When it was my turn, I told everyone that I thought the little activity was stupid, but I was thankful for tequila. Then I made us do a toast.
After I finished my drink, I turned to Brady and said, “Can you make me another drink? I don’t feel like getting up. Three parts tequila, one part wine.”
“Sure,” he said and stood up.
That Paul guy must have been watching and he said, “Dude, you’re so pussy whipped,” to Brady.
I smiled. Brady is “pussy whipped” just because he was willing to make me a drink? That’s a little ridiculous I think. Brady didn’t deny it and just shrugged and went to make my drink.
Eventually we all made our way downstairs to continue drinking/watch football. Carly, Kyle and I were kind of huddled together catching up since we hadn’t seen Kyle in a while. He’s moving to the city from the suburbs for a job so we were mostly talking about that. The condo he’s looking at isn’t far from my apartment and I told him.
“Oh yeah?” Kyle said, slinging his arm around my neck. “You’ll have to show me around the neighborhood.”
I giggled and pushed him off playfully while Carly shot me a dirty look. Brady appeared next to me at that exact moment. He looked from me to Kyle and smiled politely.
“Hi,” I said guiltily. This would probably be considered flirting.
“Hey. I’ll be over there,” Brady said and gestured to somewhere across the room.
I decided to leave the Kyle situation alone and go find my boyf. I saw Mabby on the way there and asked if they were having fun.
“Not as much fun as you,” Maddie said smiling and I sensed some shade.
“Well, not a lot of people can be as fun as me,” I said, walking off. I was going to stay and passive aggressively tell her that she needed to lighten up and trim her split ends, but decided against it. Maturity – 1, Drunk Reese – 0.
I found Brady sitting in a chair talking to his friends and I plopped down on his lap/the arm of the chair.
“Hey lover,” I said affectionately. “I missed you.”
“Me too,” he said, kissing me on the cheek.
And then I heard that Paul guy, the same one who called Brady pussy whipped, say, “Goddamn, can you take your girlfriend’s titty out of your mouth for five minutes?”
He said it in a low voice and didn’t mean for me to hear, but I heard.
“You’re fucking rude!” I blurted out.
Paul gave me a shit eating grin and said something like, “You really picked a good one, Brady.”
“Where’s your girlfriend, ugly?” I demanded.
Paul laughed which only made me more mad.
“And as much as you clearly love Wendy’s, that doesn’t count.”
“Reese, stop,” Brady said gently.
I spun around to face him. “Me? Why are you taking his side? He started it!”
Brady gave me a look that said, “Just shut up and we’ll talk about it later.”
I got up and stormed off. I met up with Kendra and told her what happened. She rolled her eyes and said something about me always making a scene. Whatever. I wasn’t just going to let him say whatever he wanted. People were starting to trickle out including that asshole Paul. I hope I scared him away.
Brady found me and mentioned that he and Chris wanted to go to Best Buy so as the last few guests were leaving, I changed into something warmer so I could tag along. I’m usually not into Black Friday shopping, but I was drunk and kind of just wanted to see the shit show.
When we got to Best Buy, it was surprisingly not that crowded. I was expecting/hoping for lines, fights, riots, tasers, etc. Brady and Chris were looking for DVDs or something lame and I followed along for a little while. Then I got bored and wandered off. A guy who worked there saw me walking around aimlessly and asked what I was shopping for.
“Oh, nothing really,” I said.
He insisted on showing me some of the deals they were having so I followed him around the store. He showed me a laptop that I definitely don’t need, but it was on such a good deal that I had to get it. He also showed me an iPad that I decided I could get and give to someone as a gift. Then we looked at the Beats headphones which were over half off. I need a nice pair of headphones for when I run and work out so I told the guy that I wanted those too. I also picked up an e-reader to reads books on, a case for it, a phone case, a keyboard for the iPad, and a green Kitchenaid stand mixer.
We ran into Brady on the way to the cash register. He looked at my full cart and gave me a confused look. “What is all this?”
“Just some stuff I need,” I said. I was feeling judged so I told him I would meet him at the registers.
In total, including the geek squad protection for my laptop, I spent over two grand. I felt like I got good deals (except later I found out that the laptop was only $50 off so I was swindled).
After Brady and Chris paid for their things, I made Brady load my things in the car while I watched.
“Jesus, Reese,” Brady said as he put my new mixer in the backseat. “What did you do?!”
“What?” I replied defensively. “Those are all gifts and they were good deals.”
But now I’m kind of regretting buying all that stuff.
I met with my potential new boss on Friday morning. I woke up hungover so I took two Advil, drank a glass of water and put on about six layers of concealer under my eyes. We met for coffee and I knew what he looked like because I’d stalked his LinkedIn profile. I immediately found him sitting in the back of the coffee shop with a laptop.
I walked to the side of his table and he looked up from his laptop at me curiously, flicking his eyes over my body and face.
“I’m Reese,” I told him.
“Reese!” he exclaimed, surprised, and stood up to shake my hand.
His name is Andrew and he is tall with dark hair and warm dark eyes. Andrew kind of reminds me of Freddie Prinze, Jr. He’s good looking for sure, but I could tell that he’s past his peak. He probably used to be the fucking man in high school and college, but the partying caught up with him. He’s probably only a couple years older than me.
We sat down and small talked for a while and then even though Kate told me it would be a casual meeting, Andrew pulled out an interview guide and started asking me questions. I wasn’t really prepared for this, but I surprised myself with how well I was talking about profit and loss, target markets, employee coaching and overall business acumen.
An hour later, Andrew said, “Reese, I think you would be a really good fit for this position. However I’m going to be bluntly honest with you.”
I really had no idea what he was going to say. He looked down at his notes and kind of sighed then said, “As a sales director, you would be in charge of sales managers and assistants who have years and years of experience. A lot of them will probably be older than you. I’m a little concerned about you being taken seriously.”
I swallowed and blinked a few times. That was not what I was expecting at all. Taken seriously? What the fuck was that supposed to mean?
“I mean, I’ve not had a problem being taken seriously thus far…” I said slowly.
“Maybe ‘taken seriously’ isn’t the correct term,” Andrew said. “But you’re a young, great looking woman. I don’t think that is what anyone will be expecting from a sales director. This is a high caliber job, you know.”
I’m not a feminist by any stretch, but a woman can’t be taken seriously in a “high caliber job?” That’s rude.
What he said left a bad taste in my mouth, but something about Andrew made me really like him. The way he shook my hand was so personal and warm, I suddenly had visions of innocently flirting with him and tricking him into giving me extra vacation days.
Kendra and I got dinner and drinks on Friday night and I told her what happened with Andrew.
“Reese, that isn’t legal,” she told me. “He can’t say that to you. It’s offensive and illegal.”
Even though Kendra’s probably right, I’m not going to like, press charges on him. If he doesn’t think I can handle the job, then that’s his loss. Plenty of people think I can be taken seriously.
On Saturday night, the gang (me, Brady, Carly, Chris, Preston and Dillon) planned on going out. We hit up a night club first and drank and danced and had a really fun time. I didn’t get us a VIP table, but one of the bartenders gave us all free shots and took them with us.
After a while, Brady and Chris said that they were going to a bar close by. Since the rest of us were still having fun, I told them we would meet them there later. After they left, Carly confronted me in the bathroom about her brother.
“Ya know, Brady asked me about you and Kyle,” she said.
“What did he say?” I asked with wide eyes.
“He wanted to know if you guys have history or if Kyle likes you. I obviously said no.” Carly cut her eyes to me in the mirror, looking stern.
That made me feel really awful. If only Brady knew how little of a threat Kyle is. If I wanted Kyle, I would have had him.
After we left the bathroom, I texted Brady to see where they were. He didn’t respond right away, but we still closed out our tabs preparing to leave. When we got outside, Brady still hadn’t responded so I suggested we go to a bar around the corner. I figured we could waste time until I heard back. I started talking to this hot black lawyer and decided he would be perfect for Kendra. I introduced them and then lied about having to go to the bathroom so they could have some alone time.
I ended up going to the bathroom and calling Brady, but he didn’t answer. I texted him, “You need to answer your phone so we can find you!!!!”
I went back out there and found Kendra, but the lawyer was gone.
“Did you get his number?” I asked excitedly.
Kendra made a face. “Uh no. He’s weird. And the law school he went to isn’t even Top 25 or anything.”
“Kendra!” I exclaimed. “Who cares what law school he went to. Don’t you want to get laid?!”
She gave me a dirty look and ended the conversation. We hung out at the bar until it closed and since Brady never called me back, I took an Uber home with Kendra and Carly.
I didn’t hear from Brady again until he called me on Sunday morning.
“Hey. I ended up coming home and passing out last night. I didn’t even make it to the bar,” he said.
I didn’t want to argue with him or question him and start a fight so I just said, “Oh.”
“I’m really sorry. I didn’t even drink that much so I must have been extremely tired,” Brady went on.
“Yeah,” was all I could think to say. I wasn’t about to pretend to be okay with this, but I also didn’t want to argue.
Brady asked if I wanted to come over, but I told him I had plans with Kendra. Kendra did ask me to go to church with her and I declined, but after talking to Brady, I changed my mind.
Brady and I didn’t talk for the rest of the day.
43 thoughts on “don’t drink and shop.”
It really is annoying being questioned in professional situations just because you happen to look alright or be a bit “too young”. I definitely feel like that doesn’t happen with guys! I live in a place that is supposedly super-equal (Sweden), but I still feel it and it’s ridiculously hard to point it out without looking like a bitch. Also, what’s up with Brady going into self-induced drunken comas? Like, he manages to get home but not call you? If he were my boyfriend I’d be worried and pissed off.
i agree. i did not know what to say when he told me i wouldn’t be taken seriously. i am pissed that brady went home and “passed out.” sketchy for sure.
Hahaha Mabby definitely made me laugh out loud. Paul sounds like a fucking dick, I hope he didn’t ruin your night.
lol. paul is an idiot and i’m not even concerned about what he thinks.
I don’t want to be that girl, but believing that a woman has the same rights as anyone else to take a job is being a feminist. I don’t agree with the whole man-hater extremists but I feel that if a person believes that every person; young or elderly, black, white, or orange, deserves an equal opportunity then that’s a femisnt. It’s part of my thesis so I’m kind of passionate about it.
Any-who if my boyfriend had just bailed on me like that I’d be so pissed. It’s all kinds of shady that he just suddenly passed out and that he didn’t try talking to you again Sunday.
what does age or race have to do with feminism? i thought it was just about the equal rights of women. and i am not a feminist at all because there are some jobs that i think should be a man’s job (construction, manual labor, president, cop, etc). and there are also jobs i think women should only do. but that’s just me. and i think the job i am interviewing for can be suitable for either a man or a woman.
i totally agree that brady was shady on saturday night! i can’t believe it.
Wow you think only men should be presidents? Threw me off there :(.
i don’t necessarily think men should only be president, but i don’t think this country is ready for a woman president. they can barely handle a half black president.
Reese, you’ve definitely matured over the couple months. Regarding the interview, when I was promoted a lot of my older colleagues were disgruntled. Age should not affect how well you do your job and shouldn’t be a huge deal but sadly some people will try to screw you over because you’re young and in a higher position than them. I thought you handled yourself fairly well at thanksgiving. Paul was being a jerk and his comments were totally uncalled for. It would’ve been nice if Brady said something but maybe there’s a reason he didn’t. I loved your drunk shopping adventure. One night after work when we were dating after a few drinks my fiancé and I ended up at Bloomingdales. Needless to say we left a couple thousand dollars poorer with the most random stuff.
I might be off but Brady not responding to your texts and calls is raising all types of red flags for me. This is the second time he’s done that. First he left his phone at the bar and now he fell asleep. Something seems off to me.
thank you! i know that people make a big deal about age, but i kind of feel like andrew should not have mentioned it. it was kind of inappropriate.
i agree that something seems off with brady. we haven’t talked about it yet but i want to get to the bottom of it.
ps. please keep blogging!!!!!
Arianna I’m glad you’re contributing but you kind of interrupted this thread…
That’s not what you said. You said that there are jobs that should only be for men, not that there are other people who think that. You are, of course, allowed to think whatever you want. I think you should be careful what you write or careful not to change your opinion just to appeal to your audience. If the sentence was really meant that way, then you would also be implying that the country is not ready for women to do manual labor, etc. Which hardly makes sense.
Anyways, not trying to be confrontational by any means. Just discussing.
fair enough. maybe that’s not what i said, but that’s what i meant. i don’t think the country (or me, quite frankly) is ready for a female president. if i needed to be protected by the police, i would want male officers to help me. if i were having a house built, i would want the construction team to be men. that’s what i meant. i haven’t changed my opinion on that, maybe i didn’t express it the way i meant to.
Why on earth would you not be ready for a President who is a woman?
Ok I think the interviewer was onto something. I’m 29 and a marketing manager and I have older people in my industry try talking down to me all the time. You just have to rise above and do your job. If I were you, I’d use it and email him a thank you and say something like, thanks for meeting with me. I understand your concern about my age. Then tell him a short story about a time when someone underestimated you based on your age but tell him how well you handled yourself in the end. Also, give an example of how being young and hip has benefited your current company (like the website sale… you have your finger on the pulse of your target market and diana would never have thought of that!) I’d just use his concern against him.
Also, Brady is super shady. That’s effing WEIRD. No way he went straight home and couldn’t have let you know he wasn’t going to the bar… big red flag.
Also, if you don’t have a real example of a time someone underestimated you based on your age, I’d stretch the truth and come up with one. Just saying lol
Paul is a Dick. People like Paul don’t deserve attention. Ignore them and they’ll feel stupid. He was out of line. Brady’s actions were super weird. Wonder what’s going on in his head.
Drunk shopping is never a good idea. Maybe return those items if you don’t need them. 2 grand is a lot of money to spend on an impulsive shopping trip
Did Carly text Chris? If they were together then Chris should have told her where they were
no, carly didn’t seem to think it was a big deal so i didn’t want to make it one.
i really don’t agree with Paul’s behavior, he’s a jerk. But I’m wondering if the reason Brady didn’t say anything is because he’s just getting over a bad break up or something.
You really need to sit down and talk to Brady. Tell him how his shady behavior makes you feel, use phrases like “your behavior makes me feel that I’m not important to you because you didn’t let me know you were going home. ” and you can add “I had to say something to Paul because you wouldn’t say anything and he was rude!” Use tears, men hate tears. My brother was telling me the other day that him & his wife don’t really fight because whenever they have a disagreement she starts the water works and he feels like a dirtbag for making her cry, so he does whatever to keep her happy. Use your feminine powers Reese! Just talk to him, he seems like a nice guy but has some problems communicating and so do you, but someone has to be the bigger person.
Oh and also reassure him that he’s the only guy you want to be with. I learned the hard way that some men really need to be reassured constantly.
I totally agree with M, you should email that guy with some
Examples of how being young and hip
Has helped your company.
lol i definitely use being a girl to my advantage and i am not afraid to bring out the tears. haha. and i know i need to talk to brady. we both suck at communicating 😦
Out of this post I’m most concerned about Brady not answering after he and Chris went to another bar. Not cool.
What that guy; Andrew said was quite rude, everyone should have equal rights no matter how old you are or how you look… And Paul pissed me off as well.
Can’t believe you spent more than 2 grand shopping while you were drunk haha,
I love reading your blog and get excited every time I see a post! I’m usually a ghost reader who never comments on nothing but you remind me of myself! I hate it when a lad doesn’t reply or even drunk texts to show how much they care and I go in serious strops when my bf doesn’t do it. You have matured so much and it’s the new jobs loss you could defiantly be taken serious.
Lots of love from england x
thanks so much
I feel let down by your irresponsible, inconsiderate, and selfish behavior. I’m really rooting for you and it’s hard to read a post where you do all these things which scream bad judgment.
Personally, it sounds like Brady is a bit jealous (re: his questions to Carly about Kyle) and maybe is pulling back because of it. You two go out a lot, but it is almost always with other people around. Maybe you should go have a couples-only weekend in NYC of Vegas and get some serious face time, and so open up the communication. I advocate a romantic getaway. Seriously.
omg that is a really good idea.
I know whereof I speak. 😉
Reese you need to stop doing things you would hate for Brady to do. Flirting with Kyle but hating on Mabby or Maddy whatever her name is – is ridic. Come on you have to treat Brady better.
thank you elle. i wasn’t hating on maddie because of brady though. and we had a really good talk last night so things are perfect now!
So many things to comment on, so little time! And I’m not meaning this comment to be an attack on you, I just noticed several things in your post that left a bad taste in my mouth. You talk about trying to grow up and mature in your blog, but nothing in this post said ‘I’m mature’.
First of all – $400 is a lot of money, especially when it is someone else’s. And your solution to this was to throw away the receipt and hope that Brady doesn’t notice.That’s just childish. First thing you should have done was to tell Brady how much it was and offer to help pay if that was too much. He obviously cares about his financial well-being from the savings statement you snooped through, so he will notice $400.
Second thing is a question – were you really annoyed by Maddie and Abby’s names, or was it just that they work with Brady?
Third – I think Brady going home and not calling you back was his passive aggressive way of showing you how it felt to watch you flirt with another man right in front of him. (Kyle) You should have officially introduced Brady to Kyle as your boyfriend, not just think that Kyle would assume he was. Do you think Brady didn’t notice Kyle winking at you from across the table? And that is probably what that Maddie chick was commenting on when she said they weren’t having as much fun as you. Because you had a boyfriend there but were flirting with someone else.
Last- I agree with Kendra saying you were causing a scene at Thanksgiving with that Paul guy. You tend to cause scenes when you’re drinking. You should have just ignored him. Ever notice how Brady doesn’t cause a scene? I mean, he was right there when you were flirting with Kyle and Kyle had his arm around your neck, but he didn’t cause a scene….he just told you where he was going to be.
I have to say, I don’t think you and Brady will last much longer. He’s going to get fed up with your behavior. You kinda treat him like crap.
thanks for your comment carrie! i am trying to be more mature, but i definitely still have a ton of work to do. i think i’ve made some progress though so i’m happy about that. to address what you said:
1. i could have told brady about spending $400. he didn’t ask me to tell him how much i spent or give me a limit on how much i could spent. i guess the courteous thing would have been to tell him anyway. i’ll keep that in mind.
2. i wasn’t REALLY annoyed by maddie and abby. i really didn’t care about their presence, i just didn’t understand it.
3. i don’t think brady going home after the club was a passive aggressive way of showing me anything. i do regret flirting with kyle in front of him and have since apologized. i feel awful about that.
4. i don’t agree that i should have ignored what paul said. he was out of line. maybe i could have done it in a more rational way but there’s no way i could just ignore that comment about me.
finally, i completely disagree that i treat brady like crap. i think if i genuinely didn’t treat him right he would’ve been gone a long time ago. if he is still with me after all this then something is obviously keeping him around.
I have read through your blog (love it–nice escapism for me since our lives couldn’t be more different) and in the interests of backseat driving for someone ELSE’S life when mine has kinda sucked lately (it’s been a weird year), I have some thoughts. Sooo–essay time.
Let me start by saying, Reese, that you seem like a gutsy, fun, likeable person. I only wish I had your zest for life when I was your age. I also want to state that I am 100% team Brady.
Woman, you have found the Holy Grail of Men. Seriously. Let’s list, shall we?
1)Smart 2)More than just gainfully employed 3)Gorgeous 4)Sexy 5)Great in the sack and last but not least : 6)He loves you.
That last point–not because he said it to you (which is a good thing, mind) but because he said it to his brother who also said that Brady rarely confides personal details but was willing to admit he loves you. OMG. That is big.
His truly big failing is his tendency to play his cards close to his chest and not communicate. On that point, look at his parents. His mom is a walking refrigerator and his folks’ idea of a sexy morning romp is watching the 5 AM news together. (I bet they never even heard of morning sex, and in fact are missionary in the dark only kind of people. They have two sons maybe they even only had sex twice. It’s possible. 😀 ) So give him a bit of slack with this one.
This trait is irritating for sure, but it is common in a lot of men. (my husband for one.) Still, he HAS given up some important tidbits here and there and even apologized more than once for clamming up. He can be trained to talk, but it will take time and patience, and a little patience goes a long way.
For all his quiet reserve, he actually comes across in your writing as being pretty Alpha Male in a low key kind of way. This means he has some inner guy-pride. He needs his ego stroked from time to time. It would work wonders in firing up your relationship.
He has said you are not like anyone he has dated before–prissy New England women. That means he has previously dated his mom. That means you are NOTHING like his mom (Thank God Paging Dr. Freud). It also means that you are out of his woman comfort zone, which is why he sounds to be scared about being in love with you (evidence, he told his bro that he if freaked out about being in love.) You have the chance to really open him up with some TLC–do it. For reals.
A couple of points on earlier (or even recent) issues.
Jessica. She is dangerous–not to your relationship, but to Brady. No one who has commented that I read has seemed to notice that how she is behaving towards Brady is straight-up sexual harassment. He asked her to leave him alone and she won’t. And if anyone out there says that men cannot be sexually harassed, I will flip them off and call them Dominique. Unfortunately, he had a brain fade and gave in once, so if he does anything formal about it, it will be a he said/she said deal and will possibly land him in trouble rather than helping (much like calling the cops to report a sideswiped car when you are drunk even though the accident was not your fault, hmmm? 😉 Sorry, couldn’t resist.). Brady needs you (Reese) to support and protect him from the Jessica/predator. He can only try to make nice with her at this point. Help him on this one. He does not want her or he would be with her long before you two started dating. And as for having sex in the hospital, I work in a hospital and finding places to get some nookie is tough to do. Hospitals are busy places and they are damned lucky they didn’t get caught. He has been with you after work, so there has been no opportunity. You need to stop stressing over them possibly hooking up.
Condom numbers–boxes of three and ten. Huh? Everyone went nuts over this. Come on people! Condoms are not like the carton milk in the fridge. Their use-by date is YEARS, so he could have had that box for ages. With whom were they used? Who cares! I would bet any money it was long before you, Reese. From what you say, he sounds like he is one hot lover and frankly, that comes from pointers from partners and practice. He admitted to one other serious GF. That does not mean there were not other women in the past. He is 26 and seems to have a reasonably high sex drive. If he lost his V-card at 16-17, say, that means 9-10 years of being sexually active. I want all of us out there to count how many sexual partners we’ve had in that period in our lives: age 16-26. Thank those other women for making him into a man who can get you off pretty much without breaking a sweat. Kendra said her John took three years to do it. Brady got you off in less than 10 minutes the first time you two really went at it. You are a lucky woman there.
You are on the edge of the cliff, Reese. You are afraid of getting hurt, but at some point you have to take a change and jump into the void. Could bad shit happen in the future? Yes, Will it? Who knows? Not all men cheat. Some do, but most actually don’t. Love is scary as all Hell, but it also is wonderful. You say you don’t know if you are in love, but you sure act like it. I refer to your encounter with Eric while out with Brady. Brady made you forget Eric even existed in record time.
Don’t over analyze what he says, project your insecurities on your situations or read too much into his actions. I’ll end with if I had a guy when I was your age who is like you describe Brady to be, I’d have lassoed him and dragged him off to be my love slave.
In any case, you go Girl!!!
thank you so much for this comment. i feel like you put my entire life into perspective, which is nice. you’re totally right about brady being a good catch! that def made me realize i need to appreciate him more. he does suck at communicating (as do i) and i think sometimes i wait for him to open up or tell me something – knowing he won’t. so we both need to work on that. he did tell me that his parents are the reason he is the way he is now. i totally believe that. but i have noticed him getting better. i don’t know what else i can do though. you mentioned that i’m out of his comfort zone so what does this mean for us? should i tone it down a little since he’s obviously more reserved and conservative? i won’t change who i am obviously, but maybe just keep him in mind before doing something crazy?
how can i protect him from jessica? i agree that she’s sexually harassing him, i didn’t think about it in that way and it really pisses me off. i’m less worried about her now since he assured me that he isn’t interested in her.
thank you again so much for this. 🙂
I don’t think Jessica is sexually harassing Brady. He told her that Reese doesn’t want him talking or hanging out with him which was a cop out. Jessica probably thinks that Brady is cool with her but Reese isn’t.
I think that the original poster while articulate is placing the onus on you to make everything right in your relationship. It shouldn’t be you changing to appease Brady. Relationships are about compromise. You’ve grown a lot but Brady seems to be at a standstill. He should appreciate that your a good catch. Further his not responding to your texts is disrespectful. If you don’t nip that in the bud it will become a habit.
It’s me again (original poster). First off, Reese–you MUST be true to yourself, i.e. don’t change to please someone else. Otherwise you will ultimately be miserable and resentful of anyone you are in a relationship with. I am sure you already know this, but I want to make it clear that I know this, too. I view all relationships as “as-is” and that idea works both ways. If personal change is going to happen successfully, the person who needs/wants to change has to do it him/herself. If you, Reese, see traits in yourself you don’t like (and this blog is a good way to find those things out–much like group therapy in a way), then you can work on changing them. You seem like a sparky, bright, fun person and if you like yourself, then run with that. My original comment was not meant to make you feel like you are failing in any way; you are not. In fact the fact that you write what you do shows you ARE looking inward and doing some serious self analysis. Plus it’s a HELL of a lot cheaper than conventional therapy. 😉
What I meant when I wrote you were “out of Brady’s comfort zone” addresses the idea that he expressed that you were not like women he has dated in the past. His standard paradigm of how he expects his partner to behave has been upended.This also means HE needs to learn how to be with you specifically. That burden is on him, but you can help him with this issue by operating outside of your paradigm as well and I see the best way to do this is by analyzing his behavior, looking for negative patterns of interaction between the two of you that lead to conflict, learning to recognize when these patterns start to occur and then (hopefully) head off repeated pattern conflicts by changing the way you behave/react when they happen. Changing how you react is a powerful tool. I don’t mean you should turn yourself into an emotional pretzel to please him. He has asked that you be mindful of him (the George situation) and hinted at it (the party where he steered you away from talking about Jessica to that other girl at his party). I think you bending a little here would be helpful for both of you. Again, this blog provides an excellent reference point to see if you two are having issues that are repeated patterns.
My experience is that men totally SUCK at communicating with women when high emotions are involved.They shut down. I have yet to meet a man who does not tune me out when I cry (including my husband) even if my tone of voice is calm and my words are logical. So, to combat this, I made a sterling effort to not cry when I want to be heard in an emotional discussion. Believe me, it was hard to learn, but I have gained a lot more positive reactions because of that change. That is the type of personal change I am driving at. What do you bring to the table that fuels conflict? This behavior you can change.
To address Kelly–I can see why you would think what you do, since my comment was primarily about what Reese can do. My ideas were directed at Reese because she is the one reading these comments, not Brady. If I WERE to tell Brady anything, I would start by saying that he should wear a rubber band on his wrist and snap the shit out of it every time he uses the phrase “didn’t we talk about this?” Hearing my man say that would piss me off to no end. I have plenty more I could say to him about how closed off he is. He KNOWS Reese has trust issues because she has told him this and he is not helping her learn to trust him as well as I think he should be. He should truly give here. He obviously worries about her going off on him and so he hides things to avoid confrontation (typical male) even though the situations are mostly not big deal issues. It makes him seem sneaky. As an example the whole Anna thing at his parents party–he COULD have said “Just to let you know, Anna is my ex. I haven’t seen her in ages and we had a friendly parting and I just wanted to say hello”. He didn’t need to do this at the party; he could have taken Reese aside quietly after the party or even when they got home and done this.I could go on and on with this type of interaction based on past events, but since he is not reading this blog, I can only address Reese. To this end I will also add that Reese did not come clean about dating Eric to Brady when he asked how she knew him. It always helps your case to take the high road.
You cannot change another person’s behavior, you can only change your own. The kind of relationship strategy I advocate might even come off as manipulative, and in a way it is, but it is positive manipulation. If you make nice, then usually the other person will,too. Reese, you can be up front about your trust issues and ask Brady to help you. This help means that the burden is on him to be communicative. You can also be specific which will give him real situations where he can address his own past behavior–you have a nice diary with this blog to refer back to specific incidents, like the Anna situation. You could say something like “I know I have gotten upset about the women in your past, but I am trying relax about this and deal with my trust issues. You can help me by being more open. An example is being straight with me about who Anna really was when I met her at the your parents’ party. Taking me aside privately after the party and telling me that she was your ex and not some random girl would have been really helpful to me learning to trust again. It shows more that you have moved on from your past when you don’t hide your past, and that helps me relax.”
Lastly, Jessica. That’s a tough one. You can help him by being his ally rather than his adversary with her. In that regard, I would say you could bring it up by saying you have thought a lot about her behavior towards him in the past, and realize that you are concerned that she is harassing him. You are worried he may get into trouble about this situation. You could ask him how he feels about it and if there is anything you can do to help him with this issue. If he says he is OK with it, you should let it drop but you can assure him that he has your support and you are there to help him or advise him should he need it and that he should not be afraid to ask you for assistance.
Anyway, in my armchair psychologist way, that’s my two cents. I like your writing voice and I love your blog. I always relate well to people who speak fluent smartass (I am a Zen Mistress of Smartass) and you seem like that kind of person. Keep being your sassy self and I look forward to reading about your further adventures.
And yes, Kelly, Jessica IS sexually harassing Brady. She sent him naked pictures of herself even though he discouraged a relationship. She touched him inappropriately (the Thigh Brush). She continues to pursue non-work related conversations (“How was your weekend”) when he asked her to stop. People have gotten fired over this kind of behavior. Careers get ruined. It’s really a bad news situation. Seems pretty obvious to me.
No offense S, but Jessica sent him that picture a long time ago before Reese came into the picture. You’re completely missing my point that Brady NEVER said he doesn’t want to talk to her. No one forced him to go to lunch with her that day and quite frankly he’s a grown ass man. Why are we blaming Jessica when he can’t flat out tell her he doesn’t want to talk to her? I get your points but there has to come a point where the man has to take responsibility. It seems as though Brady is being victimized by Jessica and Reese doesn’t appreciate as much as she should in your opinion. Where is his responsibility?
Need a guest poster, Reese? Looks like you’ve got a couple there. Maybe someone would want to step in and give you what happened from Jessica or Preston’s perspective if you need a break.