Okay I promised the threesome story so here it is. I don’t know if y’all know this but my first semester of college I went to a small private school in Texas. I went there for a few reasons, but mostly because I would basically be going to school for free and my parents were all about free.

Anyway, as you can imagine, this school was not a good fit for me. Only one or two other people from my high school went there so I didn’t really know anyone. I roomed with this girl named Erica and I feel like I lucked out because she was the only girl who was even kind of similar to me. She graduated from a Catholic high school, but liked to drink and hang out with boys like me. She was really pretty but she refused to wear makeup and didn’t know how to match her clothes though. So she was lucky to have me also.

We lived in a coed dorm and all of our neighbors on every side of us were guys. None of them were that cute (think World of Warcraft, Halo, Guitar Hero, bacne) except one of the guys who lived across the hall from us. Nick. 6’3, soccer player, dark hair, full amazing lips. He wasn’t my type because he was kind of skinny, but I had to work with what I had. Usually we’d all pregame in Nick’s room then walk to the various house parties around campus. We were all pretty close in a brotherly/sisterly kind of way.

About a month into the fall semester, we were all hanging out drinking in Nick’s room on a Thursday night. We had no plans of going anywhere, we just wanted to drink. I didn’t notice, but slowly everyone started trickling out until just Nick and I were left alone. He suggested we take a shot (of whiskey, ew) then we sat on his bed talking about class. We had an economics class together and he was really good at it while I kind of sucked. I was drunk so I started messing with stuff on his desk and being kind of annoying. And then he pulled me back on the bed and kissed me. We made out for a few minutes until I realized that it was wrong and so weird. So I jumped up and ran out.

We started hooking up whenever we got drunk after that. We would come home from our respective parties, wait for his roommate to go to sleep, then I’d sneak over there. No one knew except Erica because it was just weird. We were like a little family. Nick and I never even talked about it. We’d just have sex in his loft bed then I would jump down and go back to my room.

One night Nick came to my room which was not a part of the plan. But whatever. Erica was still awake but told us to do whatever we wanted to. Nick said, “Why don’t you join us?” and Erica and I laughed because obviously it was a joke.

Nick tried to hook up, but it was weird because Erica was there and awake. So I kept pushing him off and telling him no. He must have gotten fed up and whispered that we should go get in Erica’s bed. I thought, “Sure, why not?” and I jumped up and he followed me. I didn’t want her to feel left out, you know?

“Hiiii,” I said, climbing on the bed next to her. “Wanna play with us?”

Nick sat on the end of the bed and wiggled his eyebrows at her. I can’t remember exactly what Erica said but the next thing I remember is Nick laying down on the bed and Erica and I were on either side of him. She leaned down and they started making out. When they pulled away he said, “Now you two kiss.”

Erica and I looked at each other, shrugged then leaned over Nick to kiss. This was my first time like really making out with another girl. Nick watched us make out and felt up our boobs. When we pulled away, he pulled my shirt off so I was just sitting there in my bra. I got on top of him and straddled him and Nick and Erica started making out again. He pulled the neck of her shirt down so he could motorboat her boobs. Ew.

I pulled Nick away and made him touch my boobs. I felt like this was me and Nick’s show and Erica was just an accessory. So she shouldn’t ever get more attention than me. Plus my boobs were much nicer.

I felt her messing with his belt, trying to take off his pants. Ugh and now she was trying to take over. But whatever. I was gonna go with it. We got his pants down and pulled his penis out.

Erica looked at me then Nick and said, “Do you want me to suck it?”

Obviously he couldn’t nod his head fast enough and Erica smiled a naughty little smile before she actually started sucking his dick. Uh, okay. Even I hadn’t done that to him.

I pushed my boobs in Nick’s face and made him kiss them and stuff. I figured I could still take back control of this even though I could hear Erica doing crazy things to him with her mouth. Those Catholic school girls, they don’t hold back.

I felt/heard Erica get up and Nick pulled away from me so he could look at her. I turned to see what the commotion was and I was shocked to see that she was pulling her little running shorts off. And then she was naked from the waist down and she climbed on Nick and started riding him. I was horrified. She didn’t bother even mentioning a condom and she had a little patch of pubic hair. I have never been more disgusted in my life.

I hopped down from the bed and felt Nick try to grab me, but I pulled away. That was not how things were supposed to go at all. I went back to my bed and sat for a moment, but I couldn’t stand listening to them have sex so I went to take a ninety minute shower. I needed to wash all the filth off me anyway.

By the time I got back to the room, Nick was gone and Erica was waiting for me.

“Oh my gosh,” she exclaimed excitedly. “I can’t believe that happened.”

“I can’t either,” I dead panned.

“His penis isn’t that big. I don’t see how you can have sex with him,” she continued.

I wanted to say something like, “Because my vagina isn’t stretched out from being a whore!” but instead I shrugged and went to sleep.

After that I didn’t hook up with Nick again. He was like tainted, you know? He would text me all the time and ask what’s wrong and if I was pissed, but I avoided him. Plus, people on our floor had an idea that something happened that night (I believe someone saw Nick sneaking out of our room) and would make snide jokes about wanting to come to our room for fun. Ew. I would never.

I transferred after one semester at that shithole. I spent all of Thanksgiving break planning my departure and didn’t tell anyone I was leaving. So I didn’t go back second semester. Erica texted me saying that she got a new roommate and she sucked and was I okay? I laughed am evil laugh to myself and told Erica that I was perfectly fine and she was free to hook up with Nick all she wanted. She didn’t reply.

So yeah. Obviously I’m too territorial to have a threesome. Can you imagine if I had this kind of reaction with a guy I didn’t even like, what I would do if I saw a girl touch Brady? I would probably commit murder. So as much as I pretend to want to do that, I could never. For everyone’s safety.