I let Brady stew pretty much all day Thursday. He texted me around lunch saying, “I hope you’re having a good day.” As if I could have a fucking good day after that! And then he texted me telling me something funny his boss said and I didn’t reply.
I did, however, reply to Jessica. As much as I tried to hold off, I physically couldn’t. Especially since Luke was sitting in my office with me feeding me lines. The first thing I said back was, “Oh, super classy. Sneaking a pic right after having sex with someone? Not creepy AT ALL.” And then I added, “Babe looks good as always though.” Which, if we’re being honest, he did.
An hour later, Jessica said, “So you let your babe do whatever he wants? Sounds like a healthy, happy relationship to me. :-)”
Obviously I was sitting by my phone waiting for her to respond so I replied back, “Brady hooked up with you during the two months we were broken up when he was super sad and desperate. He still came running back to me though so clearly opening your legs can’t make him be with you. Sorry!”
She replied, “I do not want him, trust me.”
“So you just had sex with him and took a picture to show me because you thought it would be fun?”
“You started this and I finished it. 🙂 You should have attacked your babe instead of me because in the end he still asked me to come over and begged me to have sex with him.”
Ew. I imagined Brady begging Jessica to have sex and got really grossed out and embarrassed. “So you had sex with him to prove a point? You’re much more pathetic than I thought.”
“I did it because I wanted to. You were the furthest thing from either of our minds obviously :-)”
I wanted to fucking strangle her and all her fucking smileys. But from our conversation I gathered that she didn’t know Brady and I were broken up at the time. So he let her believe he was cheating on me with her. Why would he do that?
Brady asked me to get dinner that night, but I was so annoyed by my conversation with Jessica that I didn’t want to see him. So I said, “No,” and he said, “Okay.” Whatever. I stayed home and worked out.
On Friday, I made plans to go to dinner with Kendra and Preston. Obviously Brady wasn’t invited. He texted me on Friday morning saying, “How did you sleep?” and then later on when I didn’t reply he said, “How’s your day going?”
I was so frustrated! He was seriously just going to pretend nothing happened. So I said, “How the fuck do you think it’s going, Brady?”
“Not good,” he said back.
“Exactly. Can you stop pretending like everything is okay?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know if you wanted to talk about it.”
“OF COURSE I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT, I NEED ANSWERS.”
So for the next six hours Brady and I talked about everything via text. I knew we probably needed to have this conversation in person, but it was helpful to be able to actually think about my questions and not impulsively scream whatever came to my head. He probably thought the same thing.
From our texts I found out some important information though. I made him tell me exactly what happened when they hooked up including the date. According to him it was the middle/end of March so literally right before we got back together. Not a impulsive hook up right after getting his heart broken like me. Asshole. He said he was out with friends (Chris? Carly?) and he was texting Jessica who was also out. They ended up at the same bar, had some drinks and took a cab back to his place. I asked whose idea it was and Brady said he couldn’t remember. Meaning it was his idea.
We haven’t used condoms in months so I asked how he had one readily available when Jessica randomly came over one night (thanks Arianna for pointing this out!) and he claimed to have some left over which I guess I can’t argue with. Then I asked the most important question, why the fuck was he texting Jessica when they supposedly stopped talking ages ago?
Brady said that Jessica got a new job and doesn’t work in the hospital with him anymore. Apparently the week she was leaving she approached him and let him know that she wouldn’t be working there anymore. He said this was after we broke up and he figured he was allowed to keep in contact with her since I was no longer in the picture. Which I felt was kind of a rude thing to admit to me, but cool. They texted sometimes and only hung out the one time they had sex. And THEN – get this – after they hooked up Brady stopped talking to her and blocked her on Facebook because he regretted it. I even got on Facebook to confirm it and they aren’t friends. I don’t know how believable that is because I assume Jessica would have sent me the picture as soon as Brady stopped talking to her and stuff so I don’t know.
I asked him if he told Jessica that we broke up and he said he couldn’t remember, but he didn’t think so. He said he didn’t want to talk about me to her though because of everything that happened and he didn’t want her bad mouthing me. Lol yeah fucking right.
After I got all the answers I needed, Brady started groveling and apologizing and telling me how much he loves me and wants to marry me. It was really over the top and not Brady at all. I even said, “How come you never say any of this until shit hits the fan?” He made up some excuse about not knowing how to express his feelings. I told him he needs to figure that shit out.
I kind of just stopped responding eventually. Brady asked if he could see me and I told him no because I was hanging out with my friends. Kendra ended up canceling at the last minute so Preston and I met up for pizza. As soon as we sat down I started telling him what happened. He literally screamed at the top of his lungs and everyone at the surrounding tables turned to look at us rudely.
“That shady fucking bitch,” Preston hissed. “She didn’t wait a minute to bust it wide open for him, did she?”
“But apparently she didn’t know we were broken up. So she thought he was cheating on me,” I said.
“So she wanted to be the mistress? She ought to be ashamed,” he went on.
We took a shot in honor of her. Then we met up with some of his friends at a bar in hipster central (guess which neighborhood, Chicagoans!). This hot guy with a ponytail hit on me, but I was mean to him and gave him a really hard time. He was pretty persistent though which I admired. Another guy asked Preston’s friend, Julia, if she thought he had a chance with me. He definitely didn’t because he tried to talk to me through another person. Grow some balls, ya know?
When it was time to leave, I called an Uber and put in Brady’s address. It was kind of an accident, but I was kind of drunk and wanted see him. On the way there I texted him, “Let me in,” and buzzed the buzzer obnoxiously until he came and got me.
“Hi,” I said, walking past him.
“How are you?” Brady asked.
“Fine,” I replied. I walked to the bedroom, took off everything except my bra and panties and got in bed.
“Where did you go tonight?”
“Out.”
We were in the dark, but I saw Brady take off his shirt and lay down next to me. “Did you have fun?”
I climbed on top of him and started kissing his neck instead of answering. Soon we were making out and I was tugging at his shorts.
“Do you have a condom?” I asked.
“Uhh,” Brady paused for several seconds. “Yeah, hang on.”
You can never be too sure! Brady leaned over to look in the nightstand and couldn’t find one after a minute. He told me to hold on again while he got up to look elsewhere. I got really irritated that he didn’t have one on hand. What did he do when Jessica came over? Surely he wasn’t searching around his whole house for one. A short time later, Brady returned.
“Ugh, would you come on,” I whined impatiently.
He apologized then proceeded to go down on me. It was amazing per usual. After we had sex, Brady snuggled me and told me he loved me and that he was happy I was there. I was literally like, “Okay, whatever.”
I peeled him off me, got out of bed and started getting dressed and Brady said, “Are you leaving?”
“Mmhmmm!” I replied like it was normal.
“Oh.”
I called my Uber and yelled, “Bye!” before rushing out of there. I didn’t even get a chance to hear Brady say goodbye back. I made the driver stop at McDonald’s so I could get chicken nuggets then I went home.
I had a text from Brady the next morning that said, “Morning.” I didn’t reply.
I spent the majority of the day cleaning, shopping online and texting my ex. I know, it’s weird. He texted me on Wednesday night when I was dealing with everything with Brady and Jessica and I didn’t have a chance to block him. He texted me from a new iCloud account because I have all his numbers blocked. On Saturday he texted me again saying, “Hellooooo?”
And I was so bored that I actually replied saying, “What do you want?”
Devin said, “Whoa, I can’t see how my first love is doing?”
I rolled my eyes. I’m pretty sure Devin and I were never in love even though I thought we were at the time.
“I’m fine. Do you need something?” I asked.
And to my surprise, he actually apologized for how he treated me while we were in college. He was like, “I’ve grown up a lot and can admit that I acted like an ass to you. I want to make it up to you.”
I said, “It’s too late and I don’t care anymore. I don’t need anything from you.”
I continued responding to his texts though and realized that he actually might have grown up. He was being really sweet and nice to me, but not in the insincere way he was when he needed me to forgive him for being a douche. He didn’t end every text with an emoji or “lol” and he was actually using proper English. So we texted all day. It was so weird. He told me about life in LA and his job and all his friends who work in the entertainment industry. It sounds like he does aggressive party and event promoting for a sponsorship company. Such a Devin job. He said he spends a lot of time in Dallas too because his company has an office there. He said he wants to open his own office eventually too and asked if I thought Chicago would be a good place to do it. *eye roll* He asked me about Brady and I refused to talk about him. Not because I didn’t want to talk about my boyfriend, but I just knew Devin wouldn’t understand and it would piss me off. We were getting along so nicely.
Brady texted me throughout the day and asked me if I wanted to do anything that night. I said no because I had plans. Plans were watching HGTV and eating peanut butter. On Saturday night, he sent me a picture of a glass of beer and said, “Wish you were here.” I wanted to know exactly where he was and who he was with, but I wasn’t about to let him know that. So I didn’t say anything.
On Sunday I hung out with Luke at my apartment’s pool. We filled some reusable cups with orange juice and tequila and laid out talking. Brady called me and I sent him to voicemail so he texted me, “I had to go into work for a few hours, but I’m getting off soon. Do you want to come over?”
I sent back a sunglasses selfie saying, “Sorry, hanging out with my friend!” And he didn’t say anything back until later when he was like, “Will you make some time for me? I miss you.”
This made me feel a teensy bit bad, but not really because he hooked up with Jessica and wasn’t trying hard enough to make it up to me. I fell asleep really early last night which was nice because I was sleep deprived. I had texts from both Brady and Devin when I woke up and I only decided to text Devin back even though I dreamed about Brady. Oops.
hot mess in high heels. 
I don’t think that you’re handling this in the most beneficial way. I think you should have used this situation to your advantage to get some answers about communicating, where your relationship is going, and in general have a really open honest conversation. Instead you’re punishing him and are starting to lose any leverage you had to get something meaningful out of him.
Now that you know Brady blocked her, you should as well and put this bitch in the past once and for all. It seems like you got most of the answers you needed as far as that whole situation is concerned, but there’s so much more you could have gotten out of this.
I still can and will! don’t worry.
I can’t believe the comments on this blog sometimes. What you can get out of it???? He’s a person, you know that right?
I think she meant the situation, not Brady.
What she can get out of it is a honest conversation about several issues in addition to the Jessica thing. Things like not being open about what’s going on in his life like the Africa opportunity, his brother, the marriage talk, where they see their relationship going, etc. I’m not suggesting she get free handbags out of it. I think the longer she punishes him, the less likely she’ll get any additional information and they’ll move on. If she’s not ready to talk, she should tell him that and say that he will hear from her when she’s ready to talk about some things.
this situation is saddening, but i agree with her. i just read the last few posts and in reflecting on you guys’ relationship i agree that this is the time to talk it out. it’s so strange that he didn’t mention Africa to you, like “hey babe i got an offer to go to Africa but i don’t think I’m going to take it.” it may just be my personality but i share crap all the time & that’s def. something i would share because it’s interesting and kind of amazing that he was even asked to go. why wouldn’t he want to tell you that? I’m sure he’d say because he didn’t want you to get worked up about it, but still. & same goes for his family, you guys have been together for a long time and it’s weird that you don’t talk about things. it always seems like you’re making up, idk.
i love you and brady, though, so obviously I’m wishing for the best! just keep working on it 🙂
I understand hashing things out over text/email, sometimes we have to do that because our actual fights get too heated.
I dunno if you realize it, but you’re sending really mixed signals to Brady by being evasive about actually spending time together but then showing up for sex randomly and then leaving. You should either pull back and take some time alone and tell him you need space, or let him know exactly how you’re feeling. It’s okay to tell him that you’re still mad even though you know you shouldn’t be. But at this rate it just seems like y’all are in limbo, and there’s going to come a time where you either need to move on and get past it or break up. I get being so mad and hurt that you wouldn’t want to stay together, but I think y’all will be able to move past this if you try. It’s up to you, though.
yeah, I feel like when Brady and I get into fights or need to talk about something, we don’t get anything solved because I yell at him and he shuts down. at least in text you can hide emotion. I think we will be able to move on, I just need a few more days (hopefully).
I agree with LBermont. If you need space from him, tell him. If you are still mad and need time, tell him. Anything else is passive aggressive. Just a side note: how would you feel if Brady started texting Anna? If it would piss you off, then you should stop texting Devin. Just my two cents.
you probably won’t believe this, but I don’t think I would care if he texted Anna. she’s not much of a threat honestly
I do believe that about Anna, actually, Reese–that you wouldn’t care. I realize that you are not interested in Devin, but I think he is trouble. Anna is a non-entity, but I used that as an example because I just was trying to call you out a tiny bit because texting Devin seemed a bit like texting Matt. Devin was an asshat at the wedding a few weeks ago and no man changes that quickly. Actually, it also really seems like you are truly over him, which must be satisfying (I call it the “Nirvana of Perfect Indifference”.) So, enough said about that.
I do truly think you should tell Brady that the whole Jessica thing has you spooked. I get why you are angry and hurt and it is all rather gross on Brady’s part, but freezing him out without telling him why is like yelling at a puppy for peeing on the floor a day after he did it. He won’t understand and you will have to spell it out for his clueless ass. Honestly, Brady is book smart and life stupid–a hallmark of people with graduate degrees. (I have more stupid people with PhD’s than you would think possible.) He does play dumb and innocent at times and I think it is a coping mechanism–an irritating one. This behavior of his must also be frustrating as hell for you. It’s not very mature of Brady. I mean, he says he doesn’t know what to do or say or how to act, well why not try being direct? It seems so simple and so common sense, but he doesn’t do this, so you can lead by example and be direct with him. I think you have been very forgiving of his dithering about. He’s lucky you have been so patient.
I agree with Sara.
The way some people are talking about the situation makes it seem like he cheated on you, but you guys were broken up and he thought you hated him, so he didn’t think you would ever get back together.
I would like you to talk to him because I feel like you have some questions that need to be asked face to face. Like why did he block Jessica after he slept with her and why is she saying that she doesn’t want him. Why didn’t he tell her you were broken up? I would be driving myself crazy imagining al sorts of things if I were you. But I understand we don’t all think the same and you gotta do you. I hope things get easier to handle for you.
I think, hunny, you may be going a bit overboard. You totally have a right to be pissed. Not because he hooked up while you two were broke up but because of exactly who it was. But I think you’re going a bit overboard with the bitchiness. You haven’t exactly been giving him the chance to make it up to you.
seriously? I don’t think I’ve been bitchy to him at all. I’ve just been avoiding him. he’s had plenty of chances to make it up to me. it’s kind of like when Carly was ignoring me and everyone said I wasn’t trying hard enough. Brady hasn’t been trying hard enough.
Actually, I would think him constantly texting you to see if you wanted to come over or for him to come over is trying. You’re the one who keeps shutting down his efforts and not making time for him. How’s he going to try to make it up when you don’t let him? When you pump and dump him when you’re drunk? Yeah right. Think Reese. Think.
what do you think he wants to do when he tries to get me to come over? just sex im sure so he’s fine.
Avoiding his texts, going over for sex and then leaving and ignoring him because you feel he’s not trying hard enough to me, is bitchy. But, however I come from the country. Lol. What I deem as bitch because I tend to be too nice sometimes other do not. Maybe bitch was the wrong word. Too… Extreme? Maybe I should have used? I didn’t mean to offend at all. I hope you know that love.
yeah maybe a little extreme. but this ME we’re talking about, what do you expect?
Seeing a tiny bit of the old Reese coming out. Brady is trying I know it is difficult to get passed the Jessica thing but it’s been almost a week since you’ve found out so now it the time to either get over it or just break up with Brady (which I hope you don’t do). Texting Devin can only lead to trouble.
old Reese?! 😈
This is a really good time tontalk to Brady. He’s clearly panicked and obviously wants to fix things. Ask him to dinner to talk. He’ll probably apoligize again. If you want to be with him then you need to let this go. But take this opportunity to talk about other issues (communication, talking to other people about you, only saying he wants to marry you when he’s drunk). Use this to really discuss the changes that need to be made going forward (and let him speak too about any concerns he has). He obviously wants you back, so he’ll be open to talking. And you can hold him to his promises going forward. Don’t punish him too long. It’s better for your relationship in the long run if you talk. So you want to do that sooner than later.
P.S.- Jessica is thirsty and really sounds bitter. Block her from your lives and move on. I’m glad she doesn’t work with him anymore. Did he only block her on fb though. That sounds weird. They just had sex and he blocked her? Something must have gone down
I don’t want to talk to him just yet. 😦 and I know. something bad obviously must have happened with him blocking her and her being like “trust me I don’t want him.”
The sex probably was awful and awkward and I bet Brady felt guilty even though you were broken up.
Oh, and maybe he called her your name when they were at it. I know that’s icky on many levels, but it’s such a huge insult when that happens and I almost hope he did just because she is so awful and deserves to be called out for the janky skank that she is. I mean can you imagine? It would be such poetic justice.
that thought definitely went through my head. lol
I disagree, I don’t think you’re going overboard. Everyone handles things differently. I do think you’re not handling things in the most beneficial way. You really need to sit down and figure out if you want to continue a relationship with Brady. I feel at this point you’re just punishing him because you’re hurt, but deep down inside know you’re going to make up. This is reinforcing all the negative behaviors in your relationship. Meet up with Brady. Hash shit out. Move on or break up. Texting Devin and ignoring Brady’s text is not going to get you anywhere. If you need space from Brady, let him know.
this is so true.
oh babe! I did the exact thing afterwards. I couldn’t bring myself to act like everything was ok. I didn’t respond to texts, calls etc because I still hadn’t worked out where I was at in the feelings department. You talked so muc about what you were doing and denying
oh babe! I did the exact thing afterwards. I couldn’t bring myself to act like everything was ok. I didn’t respond to texts, calls etc because I still hadn’t worked out where I was at in the feelings department. You talked so muc about what you were doing and denying Brady contact, but how are you feeling? Still working it out? What are your concerns?
You should write them down and ask Brady to take you through them.
Any who’s – watch the ex thing…are you only staying in contact with him because you’re out of sorts with Brady? If so, might not be the right choice now. I know you took a hit with the Jessica thing and it probably feels good to have the ex kissing up now…but it’s probably really Brady that you want to realize how great you are…give him the chance.
Loves!!
I just feel betrayed and embarrassed and grossed out still. I think if we talk it out I will be fine but i don’t want to yet!
I totally get it. Just be sure you can get over it before you get back together with Brady…this is something that you would be able to throw in his face during fights later which we all know is a non-productive thing. Being able to get over it and let it go will be key.
true. and I can’t guarantee that I won’t throw it in his face so clearly I’m not ready.
I think it’s time to let it go. You had s x with someone you weren’t supposed to when you were on a break and now Brady is getting punished. Does he know what you did? No he doesn’t. Think how he is going to react when he finds out and you punished him this way. Honestly he deserves someone who wont treat him like crap. That’s why his friends and family don’t like you. I would be telling him to dump you too.
I disagree. Brady will understand if I tell him about Kyle. he lovessssss me
So you must not love him because you can’t understand this. Seriously. I agree with people saying this is old Reese type behavior.
understand what? he’s a real person but so am I.
It’s not that he hooked up with someone else, it’s the WHO that’s so terrible.
Your passive aggressiveness is giving even me whiplash. Eesh! I think you could handle this in a more constructive way. I understand wanting to “stick it to him”…. but at this point, what’s done is done. He apologized, you need to either accept it or move on. You can’t keep punishing him. I agree with the above poster who said to just let Brady know that you need space and time and that you will reach out when you feel ready. That’s completely fair. But, don’t keep going back and forth playing mind games. Take some “me” time and really figure out what you need/want from him inorder to salvage your relationship so when the time comes, you can discuss that maturely with Brady. Just my opinion!
I’ll talk to him. I kind of like him groveling and acting desperate though
Have you thought about what it will take for Brady to do in order for you to move past how you’re feeling right now?
Also, I am proud of you for calling him out on why he only says he wants to marry you when he is trying to save his ass and acts all weird when you bring it up in person at a later date. He is such a pussy. lol.
suuuuuch a pussy! I think I am waiting for a grand gesture (like someone just said) but yeah, probably not going to happy.
She does have a point…try to think if there’s something Brady can actually do to help you process and get past this. Although a lot of times, you just don’t know what will make you feel better until it’s been done.
yessss, exactly!
Like he’s a puppy dog. Yeah he didn’t make a good choice but treating him like dirt on the bottom of one of your shoes is so shitty. Either leave him or learn how to treat people.
I’m not treating him like dirt.
I like that everyone has a piece of advice to give on the situation, but everyone reacts differently. I think you are holding up and dealing with it ok by letting him suffer a bit. hopefully this situation will make him realize that he does want to be with you forever and never make you hurt again. 🙂
yep. ☺️
I would probably be doing the same thing you are. You’re obviously still upset. It’s just how you handle things. Prob not the most effective way but to each their own. Give yourself enough time to be upset about it before you talk it out.
Love ya boo 😘
lol love you girl!
You need to talk with Brady. Either forgive him or don’t. But you basically need to end this situation before it lingers any longer. You belong together and need to get married.
Wow you seriously know how to hold a grudge.
I’m sorry if people have already said this, but I haven’t read comments.
I get that you are hurt but you did the same thing he did. It sucks that it was Jessica, and that she got her way, but don’t let her get in between you & Brady longer than she needs to.
And your being angry is making make bad decisions like talking to your ex. How would you feel if Brady were talking to his ex right now?
I think you are waiting for a grand gesture from him, but it’s probably not going to happen because I don’t see him doing that kind of thing. He thinks he’s doing the right thing by staying away and giving you space.
If you were here I would drive you over to his house and make you talk to him! Because this is driving me crazy… Hahaha 😜
I’m great at holding a grudge. I actually wish I was able to forgive and forget more quickly but I can’t. Brady could be talking to his ex for all I know. he’s so secretive that I wouldn’t be surprised.
It’s okay to not be ready to talk to Brady, but you need to let him know you’re not ready but you’ll let him know when you are so that he knows you still care. I majores in relationships in college which I know is ridiculous but I think this video offers a few suggestions that may help you http://youtu.be/1o30Ps-_8is, good luck w this Brady situation ik it’s going to be hard!
To be honest… I’d react the exact same way. I know that’s probably not productive, but even when I read your last post, it felt like my heart stopped. So I can only imagine how much worse it’d be for you. I do agree that you should maybe tell Brady you need some time to process and that you’ll talk to him soon. And then spend your time really thinking hard about if you can get over this. This was a huge betrayal of your trust. Yes, you two were broken up, but why would he even want to get with a girl that caused problems with the woman he loves? And he didn’t even tell you! You had to find out from that whore Jessica. That’s a lot of reason to be mad. My advice is take some time away from him and then when you do talk to him cover some important stuff:
1. Ask wtf is up with him always asking you to marry him and tell him it bothers you since he always backtracks afterward.
2. Tell him yall have been together for a long time and he should be more open with you by now. Yea yea his childhood was different and it might be hard for him to communicate but he needs to man up and learn how to if he cares about you. If another situation like Africa or this comes up and he doesn’t tell you, tell him that’s it, you’re done.
3. Ask him straight up what happened to make him delete Jessica and stop talking to her. There’s more to that story.
4. And finally, tell him about Kyle and ask him if he has any other secrets from when you two were broken up. Start off on a clean slate. Good relationships can’t be based on lies or keeping things from one another because it’s convenient.
wait, do you really think I should tell him about Kyle?
Ya, it’s a bit hypocritical to be mad at him for not telling you about Jessica if you’re not going to tell him about Kyle I think. Plus I just feel like if you guys are going to be serious (i.e. yall getting married?) you need to stop withholding info from each other when it’s convenient. Just my opinion though.
okay. I’ll tell him.
tell him you slept with someone, I wouldn’t open with “I slept with my best friends brother”
Yesssss! lol He could be just as mad for you sleeping with any guy as you are about Jessicaslutface.
The problem with texting is you can’t gauge someone’s reaction. You have more time to conjure the correct response and cover your ass. To be honest I think you deserve better than Brady. He always has a convenient response for everything and to be honest I don’t know how much I believe. Brady seemed cognizant of what he was doing and even admitted that he didn’t speak to her about your relationship because of what you said earlier. If he was really hell bent on getting back together with you he wouldn’t have risked it by having sex with Jessica. I can’t beloved so many people are willing to give Brady the benefit of doubt. There’s fundamental issues within your relationship. No communication, no trust, betrayal, you always making a sacrifice and trying to change while Brady acts all innocent abd wide eyed. He never wants to talk and it seems like everything in your relationship revolves around sex. Move on and find a man that will bring you happiness.
yeah I would have liked to have the conversation in person but it just didn’t work out like that.
you feel however you want to feel, if you don’t wanna talk to him yet just tell him (yes having him crawling feels nice but not sure if it’s a good strategy in the long run), and if you wanna talk to him just do it already and remember try to be calm and focused!
I know you’re writing on the blog now and it probably helps to brainstorm questions or have lots of devils advocates, but what I do after a big fight (or before breaking up with someone) is make a list or write him a “letter” you don’t need to give it to him, it’s just to have a clear head of what’s bothering me and why, what I/he can do to solve it, and while I do it I really try to get into the other persons shoes (like if I say this, what would he say and how can you make sure you get your point across)
like best case scenario you win the argument, worst case scenario you got the shit off your chest and at least you can see shit from his pov (even tho I don’t see in which universe banging that nutjob would be acceptable/understandable)
shit I hope this whole thing made sense and it’s not crazy, it has helped me a lot but I know we all work differently
ps. that ex guy might seem reformed but didn’t you meet him a few months ago and he was a complete tool? I get the attention is nice, especially from a guy who was a complete turd to you buuuut be really careful, answering him might “lead him on” and it’s just more drama later. I guess people can change but you had all his contact blocked for a reason!
yes Devin was super douchey at the wedding we went to a few months ago. I think that we can maintain a friendship if he’s really changed and I don’t think it’s bad to be friends with an ex.
maybe not a normal ex but it’s this guy who was a mega dick to you while you were dating and shit? like is he worth it?
also does Brady still talk to his exes? I guess he’s kinda secretive but if youre dating someone would you be okay with them talking to their Devin?
I feel like you did the right thing by giving yourself time to cool off, and while I do think it’s been a while, I’m positive you will talk to Brady about it when you’re ready. 🙂
I gotta agree with some of the other commenters, you should really use this as an opportunity to talk about Brady being more open with you. I don’t think he is really secretive about things on purpose (Aside from this – obviously), but he definitely needs to be more aware and open up more.
Also, that Jessica is fucking nasty. She reeks of desperation, why else would you sleep with someone that you think has a girlfriend? I feel like she thought she was going to drop some cheating bomb on you and her plan 100% failed and she looked stupid, so sucks to suck. I know I preached that you should not give her the satisfaction, but I def would have broken down eventually too, I’m sure!
I don’t think any of us can tell you how to feel or react. When we’re hurt and betrayed by someone we love and hold in high regard we all react differently…sometimes even irrationally. There’s a special place in hell for women like Jessica. There’s no justifying her actions. Do I think she’s solely to blame for what happened? No. It takes two and even though Jessica’s actions are deplorable and down right screwed up, it doesn’t lessen Brady’s accountability. Personally I don’t like discussing major issues over text….sometimes you need to have such conversations in person to get the full effect.
Right now I think you need to take some time to yourself to think and do some self introspection. What is it that you want from Brady? He’s hurt and betrayed you and only you know if this is something you can move on from. If you choose to put this in the past, have a heart to heart with heart with Brady and let him know what you need in this relationship. Let him know that his lack of communication is unacceptable and you feel that you are unimportant in his life when you find out things going on in his life from a third party. If you and him reconcile and there isn’t any change then you’ll only continue to go around in an endless circle. If you decide that you can’t get past this, then it’s best to move on. Know that there is someone out there that will love and appreciate you and treat you the way you deserve. Only you know what’s best for you.
thank you for this Arianna. ☺️
I’ve recently come across this blog and I’m in love, there are moments I read about what you’ve been up to and I cringe at what’s happened. Just like in this post, I understand you’re by what Brady did but I don’t think it’s right to keep blowing him off like you are.
thanks Kali!
this is so reckless it made me mad AT YOU reading it. how old are you? grow some balls and face reality you cant act like a dumbass little girl that’s too scared or stubborn to face the facts.
I’m 25. how am I acting scared?
Nobody can tell you how to feel, what to do, what to say and how you should react. That, Reese, is all on you. But what we can do is offer some advice based on personal experiences.
I’ve been through this before with an ex. We broke up for a few months and then decided to get back together. In that time frame, I had a FWB and did the “no strings attached” just because it was something I wanted to do now that I was single. At first, we decided not to tell each other about what we did when we were single, because it didn’t matter. Then, one night a few weeks after we got back together, we were laying in bed when there was a knock on his door. Thinking it was his roommate who forgot his keys, I got up to open the door to see one of his co-workers who had a thing for him (they hooked up before we initially started dating) and would always be super flirty with him (like Jessica) standing there in a red silky night gown and stripper heels. She looked at me wide-eyed and said “are you guys back together?”
Turns out she didn’t know we were together again, and he was hooking up with her while we were single. Like you, it wouldn’t have bothered me if it was anyone else, but it was HER, someone who constantly tried to belittle me during our relationship. I was furious. I decided to give it another shot and try to forget it, but the fact that he didn’t bother to tell her we were back together struck something to me. If they weren’t still talking/flirting, she wouldn’t have shown up at his house in come-fuck-me heels and lingerie. I knew I had to end things because I could never get past it.
Every situation is different. I don’t think Brady is malicious or intentionally wants to hurt you. However, I do think he is too oblivious for his own good. His lack of communication/ability to understand that you need to TALK to your partner about how you feel is putting a serious wedge in your relationship. Simply put, the guy needs to grow a set and man-up. I don’t doubt that he loves you, and I know you love him, and if you’re willing to work to get past this, you need to have a serious conversation about your relationship and the future. Call him out on his bullshit (and he should do the same to you, although you’ve definitely been putting more effort in doing so than him) tell him you’re tired of him randomly blurting out that he wants to marry you but not following up on it, have him challenge you. Him shutting down when you acknowledge his stupid behaviour isn’t helping anything; he needs to own it, apologize and work to better himself, NOT pretend like nothing happened.
I know this is super long, but I just want you to understand that you’re not alone in how you feel. You have tons of readers here to support you! Whatever you decide to do, just know that you’ll be okay either way. I love you and Brady together, and I do hope it works out. You’re a great girl, Reese, and you deserve to be happy. You know what’s best for you more than anybody, so don’t be afraid to go after it.
omg yikes! that must have been so embarrassing for her..and for him! I completely agree with what you said about Brady. his lack of communication is getting so old and I’m kind of fed up. once he acknowledges that we need to talk, we will talk.
If Brady doesn’t know how to communicate his feelings how can he communicate them so well when he needs to butter you up and suck you back in? I think you should have asked Jessica what the date of the hook up was to see if matched what Brady said. You said the pic shows him getting dressed so can you tell from what he is putting on that it was back in March and cold out?
Reese you have to do what feels right for you but I have to say every time I read a post about something like this that involves Brady all the warning bells in my head go off screaming shady man. In a healthy relationship you shouldn’t have to push so hard to get the truth, you shouldn’t have to constantly wonder if he really means and will follow thru on what he says and you shouldn’t have to defend yourself constantly.
During your texts about the hookup has he once asked you what you need or how he can help you thru this? If he hasn’t that says volumes about how much he cares for your well being and your relationship.
somehow I don’t think I would have gotten a real answer out of Jessica. I considered asking her but I also didn’t want her to think I was feeling insecure or skeptical about what happened. I don’t know how I feel about Brady. sometimes I feel like his cluelessness is all an act because no one can be this dumb but he really might just be this dumb. I can’t tell.
Reese does it matter if he is dumb or pretending? If he is that clueless the saying “you can’t fix stupid” comes to mind. If he is pretending then he has been playing you for awhile. It seems the end result is the same either way. You being unhappy and not fulfilled in the relationship.
awe he’s my boo though
Only you can decide my dear if this particular boo is worth the personal sacrifices you will have to make.
Personally I would drop kick his behind out the door but I am not you.
Do you Reese and do it as well as I know you can. 😃
Jessica is so immature! Why would she even message you all of that?! And to start all of this out of the blue too makes me wonder what her motivation was.
Definitely try using this as an opportunity to really talk with Brady though! I know it’s harder to imagine life without him, but if you were to get married and he never deals with the communication issues any sort of problem will be hard to get resolved.
Jenn
http://thepalacewithinmydreams.blogspot.com
I’m having a hard time with all these comments haha. I just broke up with my boyfriend of six years. He went into the arms of the one bitch I absolutely can’t stand. I wanted to kill him. I still could. And I will never forgive him. Even if we get back together. I don’t care if it was when we were broken up, that detail is irrelevant when considered who he went to. I’m just emotionally with you I guess. Ignoring and pushing away is a lot easier than actually sorting through feelings and moving on. I’m sorry 😞