stories i’m not proud of – part six.

The summer after my first year of college, I went back home and stayed in H-Town. So basically I spent the entire summer going fucking nuts with Brittany, Natalie, Meghan, and some other girls we were friends with.Β At the beginning of the summer we all went to a party a bunch of NFL players were attending. I specifically remember what I wore: a red strapless bodycon dress, the most hideous chunky black heels and my signature gold hoop earrings. Obviously I thought I was the shit though. The party was at a condo complex downtown and apparently Brittany knew the host.

The place was packed. We elbowed through the crowd to get to the kitchen for drinks. Brittany’s friend greeted us and she gave him a really over the top hug and introduced us all. He introduced us to his friends and one in particular caught my eye. Let’s call him Adam. Adam was really tall and built, had dark hair and really straight teeth that were almost too big for his mouth. I could immediately tell that he was probably one of the NFL players because of his frame, but he was also kind of cute when he kept his mouth shut.

Plus, Adam was really into me. First, he just stood by his friends with a beer in his hand staring at me. And he wouldn’t look away when I caught him staring. That should’ve been my first sign that something was off with him. But I would just smile coyly back and he would smile and reveal his gigantic teeth.

He finally talked to me eventually. We decided to go hang out on the balcony and as I was walking away, Adam grabbed my elbow.

“I’ve been watching you all night,” he told me.

As if I didn’t notice!

But I smiled and said, “Really?”

“You’re beautiful,” he went on and I beamed.

We stayed inside talking in a corner of the kitchen and I found out that he was, in fact, an NFL football player and had just moved to Houston and bought a condo. He was kind of corny, but he was funny. Plus I was young and naive and gagging at the fact that a professional athlete was interested in me.

We exchanged numbers and had our first date the following week. He took me to Dave and Busters. Like to actually play games. And he won an oversized stuffed animal and gave it to me. Um, cute. It was so big that it had to sit in the backseat by itself.

When he dropped my off, he hugged me and gave me a peck on the lips. I got out and turned to shut the door and Adam was like, “Oh, you forgot your bear!” And wrestled it out of the backseat so I could keep it.

I said, “Thanks,” with a really big, fake smile because obviously I tried to leave it on purpose.

I continued hanging out with him for the next few weeks. He took me to the movies and to dinners and he would always give me a small peck at the end of the night, but we never did anything sexually. He was sweet, but not really edgy enough for me.

One night we went clubbing with his friend and Brittany. He wouldn’t let go of me the whole night and every time I tried to let go of his hand, he’d be like, “What, are you trying to find another guy?” And then smile at me with those teeth.

Eventually I talked him into letting me go to the bathroom and I grabbed Brittany to go with me.

“He’s smothering me,” I told her as soon as we got in there.

“He’s nice,” she replied, checking herself out in the mirror.

“He’s way too clingy. I can’t deal,” I went on.

Brittany turned to me and said, “Reese, you need to be happy a guy of his caliber is into you. He’s obsessed with you, takes care of you and isn’t trying to talk to every girl in the club. Stop being so ungrateful.”

Then she stormed out because I was being so ridiculous. I figured she was right and went back out there to find him. When it was time to leave, Adam told me he would give me a ride home. I was drunk and didn’t pay attention to anything until I realized that we missed the exit to get to my house.

“Heyyy, you missed my exit!” I exclaimed.

Adam looked at me. “Relax, sweetie. I have a surprise for you.”

Sweetie? Ew. But I’m into surprises so I calmed down and agreed. We ended up at some cute modern condos on the north side of the city. When Adam got out, I followed and he walked up to one of the condo doors.

“Is this your place? It’s so cute!” I squealed. I’d never been to his house before.

The inside was really industrial with concrete floors and exposed beams and ductwork. I walked inside until I found the living area, flipped on the light and flopped on the couch. Adam followed me in and didn’t immediately sit down. He messed around near the entertainment center until some slow music came on. He disappeared then came back with a bottle of champagne and a platter. I stretched so I could see what it was. Chocolate covered strawberries.

“Mmmm, I love those!” I enthused as he sat next to me. I reached on the tray to get one, but Adam quickly pushed my hand away.

“I’ll feed you,” he told me.

Oh. I’m not really into romance, but I let him feed me a strawberry. I wanted one that bad. He poured us some champagne then we leaned back against the couch.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Adam stated.

I indicated that I wanted him to feed me more strawberries and didn’t say anything about him loving me. Eventually he told me that my real surprise was in the bedroom. I just sat there and he’s like, “Are you going to go see your surprise, Reese?”

I got up and walked to his bedroom. Even before he turned the light on, I could see rose petals all over the floor. I had to physically stop myself from laughing. The light came on and I saw rose petals leading to the bed and some sort of pink and black lingerie garment laying on the bed.

“This is your surprise, sweetie,” Adam said behind me. He walked around me and gestured toward the lingerie. “Do you want to go change into this? I want to see you in it.”

That’s when I laughed. It was so fucking ridiculous. Adam stared at me and his smile faded once he realized I was laughing at him.

“I’m sorry, this just isn’t my style at all,” I explained.

“What isn’t your style?” Adam asked defensively.

“Just everything. It’s too much. You didn’t have to do all this,” I said.

“Really? So you’d rather sleep with a guy who doesn’t put in any effort?”

“Not this kind of effort.”

Adam threw the lingerie back on the bed and stormed out of the bedroom. He returned a minute later with a small trash can and started hastily shoving the rose petals in.

“You don’t have to do that, Adam. I appreciate the gesture,” I said. All the drama was making me sober up.

“No, it’s fine, Reese,” he said bitterly. “No one ever appreciates anything.” And then he went on this rant about ungrateful women who just want to sleep around with douchebag guys and don’t give nice guys a chance. I just stood there watching him uncomfortably.

I ended up getting him to calm down a little bit because I needed a ride home or at least a place to stay for the night. We got in bed to go to sleep and Adam actually spooned me so I thought we were good.

The next morning, I woke up to Adam nudging me.

“Are you ready to go home?” he asked as soon as I opened my eyes.

“Um, yeah. What time is it?” I said back.

“Six.” Adam got up and started getting dressed.

We’d left the club at around three am so we probably only slept for a couple of hours. I rolled out of bed and gathered my things then met Adam out in the living room. He informed me that he called me a cab and it was waiting for me downstairs. I wasn’t about to argue with him about not taking me home so I just said okay. I waited around for Adam to say goodbye and hug me or something, but he stood facing away from me staring out the window. So I shouted goodbye and let myself out.

Obviously he was pissed about how the night went so when I got home I texted him to make amends. But my message was undeliverable. He fucking blocked my number!

So that was the last of Adam. I literally didn’t talk to him again. A few days later Brittany asked me what I’d done to him because he was talking about me and how evil I am. All because I laughed at his little rose petal and lingerie set up.

Last I saw, Adam was making it rain in strip clubs around Houston so good for him.


18 thoughts on “stories i’m not proud of – part six.

  1. oh my god. i think i had too much caffeine or something but i could not stop snickering and picturing a giant NFL player with huge chompers looking wounded. now he probably has deep-seated issues involving cheesy lingerie.

  2. Kenny says:

    Hahahahaha this was too funny.
    I’m OK with romance and all but not after a couple of dates, like this whole shebang could’ve been on a one year anniversary. Oh and the “i think I’m in love with you”. Woahhh

  3. mum says:

    lmao! so I just spent the past ten minutes pouring over the 2014 yearbook trying to figure out who it is. I think I figured it out. he looks almost normal in his pic, but then the action shot on the same page really shows them. too freaking funny! i wish you could give another hint. lol! mum

  4. Brittany says:

    Hahaha OMG I would be so incredibly awkward and not be able to stop laughing. Poor guy tried to pull out all the stops. He’s probably read way too much of 50 shades, he might of shown you his red room next.

  5. Dee says:

    Is it just me or does that guy sound like he has major control issues?? AKA a “nice guy” who automatically assumes that by doing what he thinks is “considerate” the girl should put out because he’s earned it by being “nice”. Then accuses the girl of being a bitch if she doesn’t do what he wants. He sounds kind of creepy either way! Ugh I SO want to know who it is πŸ˜›

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