I wouldn’t stop bugging Brady about moving to New York. I emailed him probably ten or fifteen different places that are all available now. He entertained me for the first few then he responded with, “Reese.” I don’t know why he even told me if he wasn’t serious about it. He knows how obsessed I get about stuff (hello, where’s my puppy?).
On Monday I stayed at work super late and I was so busy that I didn’t even eat all day. I got home and immediately got in bed then went right back to the office at 8 AM. Needless to say I was exhausted and cranky by the time I left at around 6:30 PM. I called Brady and told him I wanted something greasy and disgusting for dinner so we went to Shake Shack! I got a burger, cheese fries and a strawberry shake. I felt like shit after I ate it all though and decided to just stick to my diet.
Kendra wanted to go to happy hour on Wednesday so I left work early to meet with her.
The first thing she said after I sat down was, “If you ever get married, just elope. I’m so stressed out.”
I gasped. “I’m not going to elope. We are going to have a huge wedding ceremony and reception with at least three hundred guests. But I’m going to hire a wedding planning team and I’ve already started so I won’t be rushing around.”
Kendra laughed. “Yeah right, Reese.”
I started telling her about New York and how unenthusiastic Brady is acting now.
“I think it’s a good compromise. Aren’t you guys always fighting about him wanting to go to the east coast and you wanting to go back down south? He should be happy you are willing to go with him,” she said.
“I know!” I exclaimed. “That’s what I think too!”
Kendra grabbed my hand to shush me because apparently I was being loud. “Maybe just talk to him about it, but in a non confrontational way.”
So I decided that’s what I would do. After happy hour, I met Brady at his house. He was in the kitchen making a sandwich (hubby material!) and I asked for half.
“I’ll just make you one,” he suggested.
“No, I’m not that hungry,” I said.
“Okay, I’ll make you one, but I’ll only use one piece of bread.”
I scrunched up my nose. “Ew, no. I want yours. People always make sandwiches for themselves better than they do for other people.” I held out my hand so he could give me the food.
Brady sighed and I could tell he was annoyed so I said, “How are we ever going to get married if you won’t even share your sandwich with me? You’re being selfish.”
“I just haven’t eaten all day and I’m offering to make a sandwich for you so you don’t have to eat mine,” he explained, trying not to sound frustrated.
“Fine,” I said, crossing my arms. But then Brady cut off half the sandwich and gave it to me and I ate it. It was delicious. Then he made another sandwich and we split it too.
As we ate our second sandwich, I asked him why he was suddenly hesitant about going to New York.
“I never said I was going or wanted to go. I was just asked to go and I haven’t given a definite answer,” Brady explained.
“Well you should go. And I’ll go with you,” I said.
“I don’t know…” he started, but I interrupted him.
“Why?”
“Because I don’t see myself staying there long term. New York is dirty and it’s really expensive. I don’t want to go there and have to pay rent while also paying for my place here. It just seems like more hassle than it’s worth.”
“I think you should live a little. This is a great opportunity for you. You’ve already turned down going to Africa so if you turn this down they might not ask you to do anything again.”
Brady looked at me like I was his mother and I was lecturing him. So I gave him my sweetest smile.
“They want me to go next month,” he said.
“Perfect!” I squealed, already mentally picking out my outfits for NYFW.
Brady leaned against the counter with his head down like he was so stressed out.
“You should probably decide soon,” I told him then I grabbed a granola bar and headed for the bedroom.
I expected Brady to join me right away, but he didn’t so I played around on my phone. A few things that probably make me a terrible girlfriend: 1. I redownloaded Snapchat. I haven’t sent anything bad lately (except me in a pair of One Teaspoon shorts with the caption, “90 degree weather attire.” But that isn’t bad right?) and 2. I’m still communicating with my ex. Don’t worry though, we’re just being cordial and nice to each other. I tell him about Brady all the time. I’m honestly shocked he’s still talking to me after I avoided him when he visited Chicago last month.
When Brady finally joined me I threw my phone down and grabbed his neck to kiss me. We had sex and it was amazing (thank you to Brady’s 40 previous partners for making him so good) and then Brady spooned me.
“If you really want to go to New York, we can go,” he mumbled. I asked him to repeat himself. He did.
I squealed and tried to jump up, but Brady held onto me tight. He wouldn’t let me go so we fell asleep.
When I woke up on Thursday, Brady was in the shower. I sat up and waited for him to get out. He finally emerged with a towel around his waist.
“Morning. You’re up early,” he greeted me.
“I’m just so excited,” I said.
“Me too.”
I watched Brady start getting dressed then I asked him if he liked any of the places I emailed him. He said he did, but to let him figure out the living situation.
“But don’t you have enough to worry about? It’s the least I could do,” I said.
He assured me that he had it under control, that his family has connections in New York and he would be able to get us what we needed. I started listing off my must haves and Brady stopped me and said he knows what my must haves are. I hope he knows I won’t live anywhere that doesn’t have a doorman, laundry in unit, an updated kitchen and bathroom, a view or isn’t in Manhattan though.
I talked to my mom about it last night. She was excited at first and then started asking questions about my job and my current apartment and stuff.
“You can’t just up and leave, can you?” she asked.
“Of course not. I’ll sublease my apartment obviously,” I told her. “And I’ll come back to Chicago Monday through Wednesday to work at the office. I already talked to Diana about it.”
“Really? So you’re actually going to move to New York?” my mom said, sounding surprised.
“It’s supposed to be temporary but I’m going to make Brady fall in love with it so we can live there permanently. It’s going to be like Sex and the City!”
My mom laughed, but I was serious. Call me Reese Bradshaw!
So anyway, we are moving to New York (I think)!
hot mess in high heels. 
that’s exciting, i miss the east coast FIERCELY!
also, lol, i was expecting his number to be like, 200something. there is no way i’m ever sharing mine now.
I have friends who have lost count so at least you remember.
i have a list 😦
I do too. I only look at it when I want to be depressed. 😦 #regrets
While I’m excited you get to live your dream don’t you see that Brady doesn’t want this? Asking someone to move somewhere when they don’t want to, even for a little while, can break a person down. It’s miserable to live somewhere when it’s not what you want. Even worse when you do it for someone else. Maybe think about how potentially miserable Brady could be. Do you want to spend your time with someone who’s depressed? And even worse depressed because, once again, he’s doing what you want at his expense. This could end really badly. 😦
I don’t think I agree. I’m not asking Brady to just move for me, I think it’s good for his career too. he understands that which is why he agreed.
Did you read what you wrote! You think this is good for his career. You think not Brady thinks. He understands that you think it’s good for his career so he agreed? Why don’t you try and understand that this isn’t what Brady feels or wants? Seems like moving to nyc is more important. Your wants for an apartment is ridiculous. If you want to live in New York maybe you should move there alone and not force your boyfriend to move when he doesn’t want to.
I don’t think my apartment wish list is ridiculous at all. obviously I’ll have to compromise on some things, but I don’t want anything too out of the ordinary. I want to live in NYC with him, if I wanted to go alone I would’ve gone years ago.
Will you be assisting Brady with rent in nyc? What you’re looking for is at least $4000 and that’s for a tiny apartment. You want to live with him in ny because you’ll live in his place, not have to foot the bill or spend you money on anything but shopping for you. This is like when you bought the bags on Brady’s credit card and racked up a huge bill. You saw nothing wrong because he gave you permission after you nagged. Brady said to you “if YOU want to go ny we’ll go.”
You’re a smart woman, what does that statement imply? What do his comments about New York being dirty, expensive, not really where he sees himself long term? Does that seem like a man that wants to go? If it does then I have a bridge to sell you.
are you kidding? OF COURSE I’ll help with rent and bills. why wouldn’t I? and I don’t think he’s dying to go like I am, but I think he knows it will be good for him to go. like I said, he isn’t going to go just because I begged him to. he knows how to say no to me.
Whatever. You’ll never get that you’re actions and motives seem very one sided. If you want a successful relationship then you need to consider what your partner wants. You’re pushing his concerns to the side which is only going to make him take steps backward and not confide his reservations in the future. You’re bent on moving to NYC and it’s sad that you’re not seeing that Brady isn’t there.
Think about this and answer honestly. If you received a job offer in San Fran and wasn’t interested but Brady pestered you because it’s his dream to live there what would you do? How would you feel if you’ve explained to him your concerns but all he cares about is moving? What if you’re not enthused but move to make him happy? How would you feel if? You’ll feel resentment to him for pushing this on you.
You keep saying Brady will say no if he didn’t want to go. He more or less did but you kept pushing and he agreed as he’s done many times in the past.
I appreciate your comment and I’m actually talking to him about it right now as I type.
I actually think this is the best compromise that Reese and Brady have ever made in their relationship. She’s not forcing him to move – they’re testing it. She wants to be in New York and he’s got an opportunity to test out how he feels about being there. While Reese may want him to stay, he at least tried because it’s where she wants to be one day. He gets to advance his career while also seeing if they work as a couple in New York.
A person who says that he doesn’t like a place, says he doesn’t want to live in a place, and makes statements like we can _____ if you really want to” isn’t compromising. He’s being bullied. Brady isn’t perfect but Reese doesn’t really seem to understand that this relationship is a two way street.
thiiiissssssss.
I dunno. Granted we only know what you post but he said “if you really want to go we can”. I think Brady is the only one who can decide what’s best for his career. And if he doesn’t want this it could backfire badly. It’s really time to start listening to him.
I agree with shannmack. It sounds like Brady only agreed because you badgered him about it until he caved. Which you have done before. Do you think about what he wants at all? You are being so selfish. It’s sickening.
I have to agree with Lesley and shannmack. Why force someone to move for their job if they don’t want to. Plus the little stunt with the sandwich was ridiculous. The poor guy hadn’t eaten all day while you were off enjoying happy hour. Make your own sandwich since you clearly wanted a whole one.
omg, i told him nevermind on the sandwiches and he gave it to me anyway. not my fault!
of course i think about what he wants.
😍😍😍😍😍😍😍
if Brady didn’t want to go to NY he would’ve said no. I think he stayed behind to think about it. he wouldn’t have even told Reese there was an opportunity in the first place.
You guys make it sound like Brady is a pansy that does everything Reese wants. Let’s give the man some credit.
I think it’s cause he’s from Boston that he doesn’t love NY, but I kind of agree with him. I like to visit NY, but I would never live there, and now you get to find out for yourself with this trial.
he definitely would’ve said no! I’m not forcing him to do anything.
Please, please listen to me. I’m not saying this to be mean spirited and I’m not saying you’re a horrible person. Hopefully, this will get you to take a long hard look at your situation. When I read this post, it literally left me feeling sick to the stomach. This entire situation reminds me of an emotionally abusive relationship I once had. I would get badgered relentlessly because “he loved me and knew what was best for me”. He would whine and carry on like a spoiled child. And that is exactly how you are acting. First, you get mad at Brady because he doesn’t tell you about Africa and then you wonder why he would even tell you about New York if he wasn’t serious about it (you said this in the very first paragraph).
The last thing you should be doing is moving in with this guy, let alone to another state. That is a huge step and it sounds to me you want New York more than you want to respect Brady and his feelings. What you should be doing is talking to a professional about healthy relationships. This is not healthy. Again, I’m not saying you’re a bully or horrible. The guy who I was in a relationship with wasn’t a horrible person either but he did need help. Unfortunately, he didn’t get it and the last I heard about him was the restraining order placed against him by another girl. I’m not saying that is where you’re headed.
Think about the natural progression of moving in with him – marriage and kids. Your kids deserve parents who respect each other and who can show them what a reasonably healthy relationship is. What you have is not. You’ve already had one pregnancy scare. I am married and have two kids and holy shit, kids put a crap load of stress in the mix and I’d like to think I’m in a decently stable marriage. I can’t imagine what it would be like to have kids and a volatile relationship like the one you have.
Two last questions – do you truly respect Brady and do you like yourself when you treat him the way you do?
I so agree with everything here. You specifically asked he share things with you. An opportunity to go to New York is sharing. When you tell Brady that you discussed work arrangements with your boss, knowing he is a fairly reserved person, he was probably freaking out that now it was a done deal on your end and he HAD to go with you. A compromise is me wanting to move to a bigger city like Toronto, my boyfriend wanting to move closer to mountains, and settling on calgary. NOT still moving to Toronto on a “trial” that we all know is never going to end, making us both miserable and resentful.
it wasn’t a done deal when I discussed work arrangements with my boss and it still isn’t. Brady can say no if he doesn’t want to.
I definitely don’t think I’m emotionally abusive and I can’t believe anyone would think that! I don’t think I treat him badly at all. I respect him and his opinion and he has every right to say no if he doesn’t want to.
I must say I agree with a lot that has been said here. Brady mentioned New York which is a good thing. I’m not saying he doesn’t want to. But he did mention very important concerns that he has (what will he do with his place, cost of living, etc). These are very important things especially if you are planning a future and I think you kind of dismissed all those concerns he has because you want to move to NYC. Not saying he doesn’t want to move to NYC, but it sounded like he would prefer not to given those reservations and I think you should have talked through all those things instead of jumping into it. And if he says he doesn’t see himself there long term it may not be the career move he’s looking for. You’re doing a great job Reese, but if you want him to keep opening up you need to talk through his concerns and it seems to me like you dismissed them here. It’s great you’re wiling to go with him and all but you need to make sure this is what he wants and he’s not just doing it to make you happy. What will be the long term costs and benefits of this move? That’s what you should be talking about as partners. Weigh those and how it fits into your lives right now. Good luck girl with whatever you both decide
thank you Y. I think this is all very helpful and gives me stuff to think about.
Reese don’t you see how selfish you’re being? Brady if you took time to listen and process what he’s thinking instead of pushing your own agenda doesn’t want to go to NY. I wish he’d grow some balls and realize how one sided your relationship is. I can’t believe you would badger him like this and am beginning to think his friend that called you out is right.
I can’t believe you would annoy him after he told you he hadn’t eaten all day for half of his sandwich. You have two hands why not do something for Brady other than sex. He gave you half because he didn’t want to deal with your bullshit tantrums.
If you loved and respected him you’d think about what he wants and not how much you want to live in NY. I feel awful for Brady. Not only this but your snap chatting again after you promised not to? Are you that desperate for attention. then you’re talking to your ex? If Brady texted an ex or Jessica you’d bitch and cry for days. You want a lot but give very little. I
Hope Brady stands up to you and tells you straight up to stfu about my because he isn’t interested but then you’ll complain how mean he is. He deserves better.
after he told me he hadn’t eaten, I stopped asking for his sandwich. also, I didn’t promise to stop snapchatting. I deleted the app because I felt bad but I didn’t promise to do or anything. Brady has stood up to me before and if he truly doesn’t want to go, he will tell me. he isn’t going to make a huge move like that just because I want to. he’s not that much of a pushover.
Sometimes I feel like people are way too emotional about this job. Brady is a grown man who is actually quite stubborn about many things with Reese. It’s not like she rented out his place, kidnapped and forced him to sign on the dotted line in Stuyvesant.
Reese do your thing girl. I’m sure you guys will have several more conversations on how this logistically would work and would look like for your relationship.
I agree girl!
I really hate how people are insulting you and not giving you advice in a constructive way. You are still young and will eventually tone down on the tantrums and selfishness. We were ALL selfish in our mid-20s, and anyone who says they weren’t is full of shit.
That being said, you have mentioned on several occasions that you would LOVE the opportunity to move to NYC. Regardless of whether or not Brady truly wants to go, think about YOUR motivation for him taking the job. Do you want him to take the job because it is a great opportunity and excuse for YOU to move, or do you really want to go for only 6 months to support him in his job?
If you want to go to pursue YOUR dreams of living in the city, why not make the move whether or not he actually wants to go? Another poster made a great point about resentment, especially if one of you loves it and one of you hates it and feels forced to stay (should one of you decide you don’t want to leave). Take a step back and think about whether or not you can fathom flying back and forth to Chicago every week for 6 months. I have a very demanding job that requires a shitload of travel and while it is exciting, I am a bit long in the tooth (34…eeek!) and sometimes I just want a week where I am not living out of a suitcase.
You and Brady need to sit down and have a sober conversation, weighing out the pros and cons of this NYC trial. Be completely honest about your motivations, which will hopefully prompt him to be completely honest about his trepidations with making this move. I know you both love and respect each other, and will come to a decision that is best for both of you.
A little bit of advice…….you have been making remarkable strides toward being more considerate of Brady’s feelings, but you are sort of reverting back to being a brat. It’s okay to hear the word “no” and to not always get your way. Think of it as character building, haha. Sometimes you come across as not being the best person to work or hang out with, so next time you feel a certain kind of way about something (such as someone telling you no or not getting your way), think about how you would feel if someone threw a tantrum because you said no to them. Act the way you want people to act toward you. I know for a fact you would not be okay with Brady texting an ex, so please don’t text your ex. You are too good for him and have moved on to bigger and better things. It is not healthy to seek attention from others, especially when you have a boyfriend. If Brady is not giving you the attention you seek, you need to talk to him about it instead of tuning to Snapchat or your ex. Okay, old lady advice over, LOL. You’re a good person, Reese, and I know things will turn out the best for you.
From experience, this makes my stomach churn. My very long term boyfriend(5+yrs) and I moved from his home state to Houston. He absolutely did not want to go, but my family lives in Houston, so I begged and pleaded and he finally gave in. It destroyed us. He was never happy, no matter how much time went by, he was miserable. He absolutely resented me for it. But if yall are serious, talking about marriage and what not, it could be a good test to see how strong yall are. I think from this point on there is going to be a need for strong communication. That’s the only way this is going to work out. You really need to be able to listen to Brady and his needs. Moving is very stressful and adjusting to a new environment is not easy at all. I don’t think I would ever move with a boyfriend again, unless we were married and really cut out for the long haul. It’s not something to be taken lightly. While you’re excited you need to listen to any of Brady’s concerns or issue-not just gloss over them, he’s going to need to be felt heard at the very least. I have a feeling he’s not going to be happy there, and it’s going to be up to you to make things right for him.
He clearly loves you and is willing to do what you want.
Reese, I think you’re awesome. You’re demonstrated such growth since this blog and seem like a genuinely sweet person. That said, I think you should allow Brady to make his own decision without trying to sway him one way or the other. I understand that you’d love to live in NY. It’s my hometown. It’s definitely not cheap as Brady mentioned. My husband and I had a great updated two bedroom (we used the second as an office/storage) with not that great of a view for close to $6k/monthly and that’s without electricity, cable, gas, etc. Living in and visiting NYC is completely different. Unless you spend an extended amount of time here, take our crappy subway system which has issues virtually every day, walk through our congested streets, work super long hours and then buy $22 drinks at a bar you won’t know what it’s really like. Your impression is skewed by what is depicted in the fabulous TV shows and possibly your vacations here. Being a New Yorker is more than an dream apartment with a view of Central part or the Empire State Building, fashion week, and upscale restaurants and lounges.
That said, I think you should have a one-on-one conversation with Brady. Allow him to voice his concerns and listen. Don’t interrupt and try to tell him what you think is best for him. Clearly he knows what he wants but I think is afraid of denying you of your dream. You mentioned that you don’t understand why he’s telling you about NY if he isn’t serious…well isn’t that what you asked of him? To be more open with you. He’s doing that but you’re not listening. Relationships are filled with compromises between both parties. It seems that Brady isn’t keen on moving and this opportunity. If he does move to NY for the sole purpose of making you happy, how do you think he’ll feel? Listen carefully to what Brady is saying. Don’t put in your two cents to sway him either way. This should be his decision as if affects his career as well as his finances. Let him know you love him and will support whatever choice he makes. Lastly, if you disregard Brady’s feelings and concerns you will only cause him to become more closed off in the future.
thank you for your comment Arianna! I think you’re absolutely right, I don’t know what it’s like to live in NY and all the not so fun stuff that comes with it. but that’s why I want to move there. and thank goodness it’s temporary so if it turns out I don’t like it, I can come back to Chicago! I think Brady and I decided Chicago is where we want to be long term anyway so NY is going to be temporary no matter what. I appreciate your comment and it was really helpful!
That’s fair:) I know a ton of places that you’ll love and are so much fun (Bagatelle or Pranna brunches, awesome rooftops and then really good restaurants). Being a pregnant lady, I can’t really go out and do the things I use to and plus the smell of alcohol bothers me now…go figure;-) I’m sure you and Brady will have fun in NYC during you time here.
If you have to come back to Chicago Monday through Wednesday, why would you sublet your apartment? You should put it on airbnb to bring it some extra income on the weekends when people visit Chicago. That way you still have your place for when you’re in town. Other than that, I’m with Arianna, more discussion is needed.
Brady has a place here.
And what if Brady decides to rent his place? Are you that selfish? You’ll get off Scott free with you subleasing your place and leaching off Brady. youve written more about what he can do for you and what he gets you than what you like about him as a person. If Brady were to lose it all tomorrow you’d be on to the next that can find your habit. Tell us all what you’ve ever gotten or did for Brady besides sex and annoying the shit out of him.
he can rent it if he wants. he considered it already because he has two bedrooms. what’s your issue? I’m going to help with rent and bills in ny, it’s not like I’m just going to live for free.
Of course you can’t state what you’ve done gir Brady because this relationship is all about you and your needs and wants. Don’t you see you wont be out financially. You won’t be paying for two apartments and somehow you’ll get off on helping Brady with anything. Love isn’t about material things and what you can get. You talk a good game and try to justify your selfishness but this will all back fire big time. Brady can do better.
I don’t have to answer your questions… I don’t owe you anything. you have no idea what the financial arrangement is and it’s unfair for you to say Brady can do better when you don’t know what I do for him and what he does for me.
I’m late to the party here but I think people are overreacting. It’s a temporary move, which I think is a great way to see if living together will work for you guys. Also, sure you are pushing Brady but I personally think sometimes people need to be pushed out of their comfort zones to try new things. My hubby get me to try new things and experiences by badgering me, which is not a form of abuse at all. It’s just how our relationship works, and works well. As for finances, that’s not really anybody else’s business. You may be a little spoiled but you also support yourself ;). Cheers Reese.
all of this. thanks Brittany, I completely agree with you 🙂
I totally agree! Aren’t your 20’s a time to try new things anyway?
Personally, I’m excited to hear about your adventures in the city.
And I stand by my idea that if Brady really really didn’t want to do it, he would’ve said no.
Don’t listen to the bitches, Reese. This is your life and these strangers shouldn’t tell you how to live it. There’s always going to be people who have something to say. Looking forward to your next post. Chin up girl x