Brady and I got in a huge fight over the weekend. I’m honestly not even sure why. On Friday after work we got dinner then went home and made drinks. The plan was to meet Brady’s friends at the bar and we ended up getting pretty tipsy before we even left the house.
We met up with some of Brady’s friends and their girlfriends and I took it upon myself to make sure all the girlfriends were getting along and having fun. I was like the girlfriend den mother. We all hung out at the first bar for a while then walked to the next bar so we could dance and stuff. We continued drinking and having fun until last call. The details start getting blurry, but I recall standing at the bar with Brady while he signed for his tab. He was saying something like, “Reese, I don’t want to get into this right now!”
I started whining then one of the girlfriends (I think her name was Alaina?) came and put her arms around my waist, pulling me into a hug.
“Brady, are you being nice?” she asked in a teacher voice.
“Is she being nice?” he snapped back.
“Don’t be rude to her!” I said a lot louder than necessary.
Brady rolled his eyes and walked off. I started saying bye to all the girlfriends and giving them hugs before meeting Brady outside so we could go home. We got in a cab and I immediately started in on him.
“I can’t believe how mean you were to Alaina. I’m honestly embarrassed,” I said.
Brady threw his hands up like he was fed up.
“They will probably never hang out with us again,” I continued, crossing my arms. Brady was staring out the window, not saying anything back so I felt like I needed to keep going. “We could have all had fun without you. You shouldn’t have come out if you were going to be like this.”
“I would have been fine if you hadn’t started this shit,” he said.
“I didn’t start anything!” I exclaimed.
“Of course you didn’t. Nothing is ever your fault!”
I was starting to yell something else, but stopped when I realized what he said. “What’s that supposed to mean? I can admit when I’m wrong but this time I’m definitely not. Why can’t you just stop being a douche and apologize?”
“Apologize because you’re being ridiculous?” Brady scoffed and laughed which pissed me off more.
“Don’t say I’m being ridiculous. You’re being ridiculous!”
“Yeah, okay Reese.”
I started blabbering on about how disrespectful and mean he was being and Brady let me go uninterrupted for a bit before saying, “Oh my God, would you shut up?”
I gasped. We stopped in front of Brady’s house and I hopped out and slammed the door while he paid for the cab. I realized that I didn’t have keys to get in so I had to wait at the gate for Brady to let us in. I glared at him while he slowly unlocked the gate.
“Can you hurry? Some of us don’t want to be outside all fucking night,” I said.
Brady ignored my comment and unlocked the gate, walking inside before me. When we got inside I said, “Take me home.”
“I’m not taking you home right now,” he said.
“Yes you are. I’m not staying here with you tonight. Oh and I’m certainly not going to New York with you!” I said loudly. He was walking toward the kitchen and I needed him to actually hear me.
“Good! I don’t want you to go with me anyway!” Brady shouted.
I followed him into the kitchen. “Really? You don’t want me to go?”
“No! Hell no! Not if you’re going to be like this! You can stay in Chicago and we will probably both be much happier!” he yelled.
“Fine! You’re a fucking asshole!” I screamed. I stormed off down the hall and added, “I hope you’re happy! I never want to see you again!”
I don’t even know what I was talking about. I got undressed and got in bed in my usual spot, farthest from the door so I wouldn’t have to see Brady when he came in the room. Then I cried until I fell asleep. I vaguely recall hearing Brady getting in bed, but neither of us said anything to each other.
When I woke up on Saturday morning, I didn’t move. I didn’t want to be the first one to wake up and have to acknowledge what happened the night before. So I just stared at the window pretending to be asleep for a really long time. I had assumed Brady was still sleeping next to me, but then I heard the front door open followed by a lot of movement in the kitchen. When I heard the bedroom door open I quickly shut my eyes, pretending to be sleeping.
I felt Brady on the bed and then he gently nudged me a few times. I pretended to stir a bit until he said, “Hey. I brought breakfast.”
That’s when I got up. I thought about ignoring him, but I was starving and not about to turn down breakfast. Plus, maybe this was a truce.
“Oh. Thanks,” I said, sitting up. Brady had a plate with French toast and syrup and berries on it. I took it from him. I began cutting my French toast into little pieces and felt Brady watching me.
Finally, he said, “I’m really sorry about last night.”
“Oh. Okay,” I said back.
“I didn’t mean any of what I said.”
“Then why did you say it?”
“Because I was upset and drunk.”
“Why were you upset? You had no reason to be upset.”
“I honestly can’t even remember.”
“I can’t either,” I giggled. “I’m sorry too.”
Seriously, how stupid. I honestly think that was the stupidest fight we’ve ever been in. We didn’t even bring it up again and just went on with our lives. I had to spend Saturday afternoon trying on dresses with Kendra. Afterward we got dinner with John and Brady. They had spent the day playing golf.
They talked us into going to church with them on Sunday because they said it has helped tremendously with their relationship and obviously Brady and I need all the help we can get. The service was nice and I made Kendra take a picture of me and Brady outside the church to send my mom so she knows how holy we are. My mom is actually kind of religious (we are from the south after all).
We got brunch with Kendra and John and then we headed back to Brady’s. Later that night we were sitting in the living room. I was watching Snapped and Brady was working out some details about New York. I heard him mumble something like, “This is going to be so expensive.”
“What is?” I asked.
“Going to New York,” he replied without looking up.
“The relocation money they are giving me won’t even cover half. It won’t even cover half the apartment.”
“Did you find somewhere for us to live?” I asked.
“Yes,” Brady answered, sounding frustrated.
Since Brady was sounding all annoyed and frustrated, I said, “Well, we don’t have to go then.”
“I didn’t say that I don’t want to go. I just said it’s going to be expensive.”
“I don’t want to go if you’re going to have a bad attitude about it. I just thought it would be fun for us to get out of Chicago for a little while.”
“Reese, I’m not saying I don’t want to go! Why don’t you understand that? I do want to go, I just mentioned that it’s going to be expensive!”
“What’s the point of even saying that unless you want to make me feel bad? I know it’s going to be expensive! Fucking obviously!”
Brady finally looked at me. “I’m not trying to make you feel bad,” he said.
“Like I said, we don’t have to go. Especially if you’re going to be bitter and complain about money the whole time. No thank you,” I said.
“Fine.” Brady stood up. “I’ll decline the offer tomorrow.” I watched him walk toward the bedroom, leaving his computer open on the table.
I was really shocked and didn’t know how serious he was. As soon as I heard the shower turn on, I slid over on the couch so I could look at his computer and investigate why he thought it was going to be so expensive. Brady’s email was pulled up and I found a thread with the subject: “NYC living.” I opened it and the sender said, “I have this one available next month. Take a look at it and let me know what you think.”
I clicked be link and found a listing for a beautiful NYC apartment. Huge (1,050 square feet!), a beautiful updated kitchen with marble counter tops, crown moldings, windows everywhere, a chic claw foot tub and overlooking fucking Central Park. $7,500 a month. Which is kind of a steal if you think about it, but I guess I can understand why Brady would say it’s expensive. What he pays for his condo here in Chicago is much, much cheaper, but it’s New York City, you know?
I exited out of the NYC email and had intentions of going to bed and crying, but another email caught my eye. It was from Anna, his ex girlfriend with the really long last name. I clicked on it and quickly read what she wrote.
“Also, my friend is having a burlesque show on Sept. 10. We would love to have you there. Looking forward to you being in my city :-)”
I forgot that she lives in New York. So for everyone who wants to make me feel bad about talking to my ex, Brady is talking to his and even talking about hanging out with her. I don’t even care. I’m not threatened at all by her.
We didn’t talk about it again at all so I guess he’s really going to decline the offer and I guess we really aren’t going. Which sucks because I already found a guy to sublease my apartment for six months. I’m really annoyed.
40 thoughts on “we need all the help we can get.”
y’all have serious communication problems sometimes!!! oh my god, no wonder you get in so many pointless fights! 😦 i’m sorry, i’m not trying to be critical or mean, but it is really surprising. you both love each other very much, start respecting each other just a little bit.
I know. 😦 I don’t know what to do
this is really, really elementary and will make you feel like a little kid BUT a good rule of thumb is to start communicating with phrases that own how you are feeling. instead of saying “you made me feel _______”, say “I felt ____ when you did ____”, or whatever, you can change the format. it’s good to own your emotions when you communicate because that takes responsibility away from the other person, and makes them much less likely to respond in a defensive manner. it’s much easier to have “discussion fights” than “screaming and yelling fights” when you both communicate like adults.
think about how defensive you would feel if someone said “you made me so mad when you did this!”–wouldn’t you rather hear what exactly upset them and why they felt that way?
this is good advice! I think we both place blame a lot!
I think you should talk to Brady about the fight especially about the part when he said that you’ll both be happy if you’re in different cities. Although he said he didn’t mean it you know how that saying goes “Drunk words are sober thoughts.” or something like that. Hope you guys work thing out. Living in NY for a short while sounds like lot of fun.
that’s what I was thinking about drunk words being sober thoughts. there’s probably some sort of truth to what he said.
You and Brady go from 0 to 60 in like .014 seconds! Not everything should be a argumentative screamfest! I feel like you both don’t know HOW to discuss things in a positive, honest way with each other. One or both of you gets immediately defensive and makes irrational, spiteful comments/decisions. It’s not healthy and it makes me sad that after all this time, y’all keep taking huge steps back in your relationship!
I feel like you guys need to learn how to compromise and (like LBermont said^) show a little more respect for each other. You know, every couple has arguments and knitpicks each other, but it’s like you guys to take things TOO FAR constantly! Y’all need to learn how to pick your battles! That is my biggest piece of advise: PICK.YOUR.BATTLES.
I know 😦
You both are so stubborn with each other. But, you seem so in control in most other facets of your life – why not with Brady (and vice versa)!? It’s like both you of need couples counseling or something, but I feel like neither of you would be willing to do that. Something’s gotta give though, girlie!
I am willing to do counseling! I didn’t want to at first because it seemed dramatic but I do want us to work out and I don’t think we can do it on our own.
That’s huge! I am proud of you, Reese! I think that is an excellent, mature idea to do counseling together. And, I do agree with you. I do think you and Brady need a little outside help to get over some of your relationship hurdles – which is OK! I think the fact that you recognize that is a huge step. I hope Brady is onboard with the idea of couples counseling, too.
Brady will probably refuse to go. he obviously has issues too, but has never been to therapy or counseling in his life at all.
I can’t see Brady agreeing to counseling. I think if Brady has trouble opening up, he won’t want to open up to a stranger. That’s exactly what my husband said about counseling before we got married. The only reason I wanted to go is because everyone said you should before you get married. We ended up getting a “Before you get married” workbook that took us through a lot of scenarios we might encounter through marriage so we could talk about them now and make sure we were on the same page.
Either way, knowing when to pick your battles is by far and away the most valuable thing I learned after being with the same guy for 11 years now.
did you husband end up agreeing? if so, how did you get him to?
Well the New York conversation escalated quickly!
Did you think to ask him about the finances? The cost of the movers, if his new salary will cover the rent increase or how you are going to contribute. Talk about it like two grown adults making a major lifestyle change.
It seems that you wanted to move and put all the responsibility on him to make it happen. He wants to make you happy but needs you support.
no, we didn’t talk about any of that. 😦 I should have asked and been more helpful. I actually don’t think he realized that I would help (obviously I’ll help!) which is my own fault.
I so get it!!! I wanted to make a major move for my career but my husband didn’t think it was possible because of his. I was frustrated and he was actually trying to figure a way to make it work because he wants me to be happy.
After we had a real conversation about it, we decided together that it wasn’t the right move for us as a couple.
You and Brady just need to work as a team. Figure out the logistics and be involved. It’s not fair to you or him for one person to be the sole decision maker.
I get your reaction, you think it’s a done deal and everyone is happy. So it’s shocking when you find out there may be hesitation. But with your involvement these arguments will go away!
ughhh i hate the morning after of a drunk fight to which no one knows why it occurred. just know that you guys arent the only ones it happens to. passion.
glad we aren’t the only ones! it’s so dumb.
When he mentioned how expensive ut was going to be, why didn’t you offer that you were subketting your pkace abd planned on splitting it? It seems that woukd have been a good time especially becausr the cost was a bigissue for him. So instead of saying he was being negative and you didn’t have to go that was a good tike to talk about the financial logistics of thos move. What I don’t understand is how you two haven’t. It should be the first thing you did when you decided. I’m feeling like Brady thinks you don’t plan to and that might be part of his frustration. I’m obviously not sure but thay just crossed my mind. Hun you too need to talk. This is such a big step/move you can’t wing it.
Also, I think you should ask about the ex. Ask him if he reached out and told her he’s moving. If he lies about it, that’s when you should be bothered. If not, don’t worry about it
I definitely should have mentioned that I planned on helping and it didn’t cross my mind that I never mentioned it until you brought it up. I feel really stupid. also, I’m not worried about his ex gf. I’m not even going to bring it up.
I might be totally off, but I feel like your New York fight was a little because you might have believed some of the comments people were making about you making him go to NY. You have to believe him when he tells you he really wanted to go, he’s just making a comment about how expensive it is. I don’t really think he meant anything by it, but it would’ve probably been a good opening for you to ask him if it is something he really wants to do and not just get defensive about it. And I think you only got defensive because in the back of your mind you had all the comments that people had been making on the blog. Try to not let the negativity get to you, you are a strong independent woman you are just encouraging your man to take some risks, nothing wrong with that.
Just maybe send him a nice message, tell him you love him and whatever he decides about NY, you support him because you just want to be with him wherever. (hahaha I know corny but men love that crap 😜)
thank you. I honestly think you could be right. either way I know I got defensive way too soon and probably ruined it. 😦
Luita, for once can you hold Reese responsible for her actions without making excuses. What makes you so sure Brady wanted to go? Are you in his head or do you have a direct line to him that Reese doesn’t have? This isn’t the first time Brady brought up cost and neither time Reese offered to assist with anything. What’s he suppose to think? There comes a time when we all have to be accountable.
Reese when are you going to learn your lesson about going through Brady’s things? First his phone and now his email? How would you feel if he did that to you?
I didn’t really go through his email. I read two things
Don’t you see that’s an invasion of his privacy? Whether you read one email or hundreds it’s still wrong.
who cares? he will be fine.
The apartment sounds beautiful, BUT honestly, you can find something very nice in New York for less than half that rent. Sure, it’s not going to be huge and it might not have a great view, but it sounds silly to spend that much and be stressed over it.
I’m not stressed at all.
Who cares???? He will be fine? That’s everything that’s wrong with your relationship in two little sentences!
what do you mean?
Yeah, I meant him lol.
oh duh, lol. well yeah I agree but he probably knew my must have list was pretty extensive so that’s the kind of place he found. oops?
I agree with Luita. The comments may have had a small role in that argument. But all you need to do is talk it out, girl! You’ll be fine.
If Brady doesn’t go to New York, you and I can go together 😀
Who needs guys anyway?!
reeeese wtf you get drunk and lose your shit, calm down 😂
also would’ve been good to tell him you planned on going halfsies on NY living from the moment it came up
I guess you should still tell him tho even if the move is cancelled now
true. tequila makes me crazy.
This comment makes me lol! My boyfriend told me I almost drank myself single the last time I had tequila. 😁
And, just so I say something post related, you do such a great job communicating with all of your readers. Is it because it’s always after the fact? What I mean is, I would fly off the handle in relationships too until I learned to think before I spoke. So now when I’m upset about something or mad, I say what I think first in my head, then filter it. Lol
yes that’s probably it! I’m really emotional and impulsive and rash. I do not think before I speak especially when I’m passionate about something.
Maybe Brady is feeling pressured to find a place up to your standards. In the last post you rattled off a list of your must haves. You’ve had the chance to offer to split the cost but haven’t. I don’t think that you’ve mentioned ever splitting the tab with Brady for anything so maybe he thinks the additional expense will be solely his responsibility. In the comments section of the last post you mentioned discussing this with Brady so I’m a bit confused. The two of you need to talk honestly. Don’t make demands and be willing to compromise.
Brady does pay for the majority of things but I do take care of stuff (like plane tickets when we travel, sometimes I’ll buy groceries for us, etc). I discussed moving with him but not the financial details. I didn’t offer to help pay which is my own fault, but i figured he would know I would help.