My life is so dramatic.
On Friday we were going out to celebrate my new job plus it was just an excuse to drink. We decided to have people over to pregame beforehand and I invited Luke. And he brought Stacey. Can you believe that? I didn’t think I would have to remind him that she was not invited, but apparently Luke wanted to force us to be friends.
I literally groaned when Luke walked in with Stacey trailing him. He had a 6-pack of beer with him and she waltzed in wearing a tight bodysuit and wide leg pants. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I wore wide leg pants to work last week and suddenly Stacey is wearing wide leg pants too. She’s a self proclaimed minimalist who usually wears the Express Columnist pants with a Portofino shirt.
“Hey Reese,” she said immediately. “Your boyfriend’s place is so nice!” And then she laughed. Because that’s all Stacey ever does.
I didn’t even acknowledge her. I poured the group a couple of shots and finished up getting getting ready. I was walking out of the bedroom when I caught Stacey and Luke getting something out of the little liquor cabinet Brady has at the end of the hallway. He keeps more expensive stuff in there and we hardly ever use it.
“Can you fucking not?” I screamed at them.
Stacey started laughing and Luke said, “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, are we not allowed to drink it?”
“Uh, no! Why would you think that’s allowed?” I said and snatched the bottle from him. Stacey continued laughing and grabbed Luke to go back to the kitchen where everyone was hanging out.
A little while later, we were finishing up our drinks and Stacey said something like, “Brady, do you share your alcohol you keep in the hallway? Can I have some?”
And since Brady is super nice so he said, “Uh, yeah. Of course.”
“No!” I exclaimed. “I told you no!”
Stacey rolled her eyes and said, “Reese, this is Brady’s house, not yours.”
“Fuck off, you don’t know anything,” I said.
“Reese,” Brady said, gently.
“See how mean she is to me?” Stacey pretended to sniffle.
“She’s so annoying, I literally hate her,” I said just to Brady.
“I know. Just ignore her. She does it just to piss you off,” he replied.
Luckily we left after that and headed to a bar in Old Town. When we were waiting to get in Luke grabbed my arm and whispered, “Hey, I’m really sorry. I didn’t know that alcohol was off limits. You aren’t mad, are you?”
“I’m over it, but I don’t like her,” I said.
“That isn’t nice. She likes you,” Luke said.
Funny that Luke would even think Stacey likes me after all this. We hate each other and that’s fine. I got a text from Marco asking what I was doing that night so I told him where we were and invited him to meet us. He was with a few friends and said he would stop by. Brady and Marco have never met and we were a little drunk so I figured we would all be able to get along smoothly.
Kendra and John were already inside at a table. Stacey and Luke said they were going to get drinks, but they ended up disappearing for the rest of the night which I was 100% okay with. When Marco showed up Brady and I had ours arms wrapped around each other.
“Oh my gosh, babe, this is my best friend, Marco,” I said, pulling away.
They shook hands and it was fine, no awkwardness or tension at all. Then Marco pulled me into a hug and said it had been way too long since we’ve seen each other. I was like, “Lol, okay.”
We don’t text as much anymore, but he usually texts me on the weekends and invites me out or asks if I want to do anything.
Brady ordered a round of shots for our table then almost immediately Marco ordered another on his tab. I didn’t realize at the time that it was a competition.
So we all just hung out for a little bit. Brady and Marco seemed to be getting along great so I ran around with Lexi and her friend Alyssa for a little while. I came back and squeezed in between Brady and Marco, putting my arms around either of them.
“I really want to get food after this,” I told them. “I want pancakes and an omelette.”
Brady laughed and Marco said, “I can take you to get food.”
“I want pizza,” I giggled.
“You can have whatever you want.” Brady and I were laughing and playful, but Marco wasn’t laughing. So I skipped off to get more drinks.
I came back a little bit later with a beer and a tray of tots because apparently the kitchen was still open. I sat down next to Kendra and started going to town.
“We’re probably gonna head out,” she told me.
I threw my tot down. “Already? We can go somewhere else if you want.”
“We’re just really tired, Reese,” she said in a disappointed teacher voice. “We had fun though. Congrats on the new job!” We hugged then she and John left.
Brady and Marco were still talking so I got up and grabbed Lexi to go to the bathroom. We stayed down there for a while because we made some friends and needed to take pics and exchange Snapchat names. As we walked back to our table both Brady and Marco just stared at me. They just watched me approach with straight faces. It was really weird.
I threw my arms around Brady’s neck and asked him if he was ready to leave too. He didn’t really hug me back and was just kind of stiff.
“I’m going to get my card,” he said and walked away.
I turned to Marco. “Thanks for coming out! We had so much fun, right?”
“Yeah, always. Are you coming to get food?” he said.
I glanced behind me. “No, I’m gonna wait for my boyf.”
Marco laughed and said, “Okay. Hit me up, all right?”
We hugged and then Marco and his friends left. Brady came back and was really short and called an Uber for us to go home. Obviously I was drunk and happy and didn’t realize something was wrong until we got home.
“What’s going on with you and Marco?” Brady asked when we walked through the front door.
“What do you mean? He’s my BFF,” I said.
“Really?” Brady appeared in front of me. “Your BFF? What does that mean?”
“Best friend forever,” I giggled.
“When you were drinking that beer, he said, ‘She’s good with her mouth, right?’ Did you do something with this dude?”
I don’t know why, but I gasped and then laughed. Probably because I was so uncomfortable. “No! Of course I didn’t.”
“He kept saying shit like that. Talking about your body. I told him to stop and he laughed.”
“What did he say about my body?” I had to know.
“I’m not repeating it. It was derogatory. Do you know what he said when I called you my girlfriend? He said, ‘I don’t know if she’s aware of that.”
I was confused. “He did? What’s that mean?”
“He obviously thinks there is more going on with you guys!” Brady yelled. “And you’ve been making him think that way!”
“I have not!” I shot back. “I haven’t even seen him in forever.”
“Yeah? But you text him, don’t you? Apparently you’re being so friendly that he thinks he has a chance with you!”
My heart started racing. “No! We are friends. I’ve told him all about you.”
Brady started walking toward the bedroom and I followed him. “You can literally go through my phone and read our messages.”
“I don’t want to read your messages, Reese. But I don’t think you should talk to him again. At least show me that much respect.”
I pulled out my phone and texted Marco, “What the fuck is wrong with you, you weirdo?”
Out loud I said, “Of course I won’t. I’m sorry. I had no idea he was so crazy.”
We hashed it out (or so I thought), hooked up and went to sleep. Brady woke me up early on Saturday morning so we could get breakfast then he was going to work for a few hours. The meal was fine and we didn’t mention Marco at all. Everything seemed to be back to normal. And by the way, Marco sent back a smiling emoji and didn’t bother explaining himself.
I took Brady to work then went home to hang out with my baby Tucker. We watched a ton of TV, made muffins and texted Carly. Later on in the evening, I got out the iPad to play the hair salon app and I thought it would be fun to check Brady’s messages. The first one at the top was Lindsey and I opened it. It didn’t take me long to realize they were talking about me.
“I think you really need to take a step back and think about what kind of relationship you deserve,” was the last thing she said.
I scrolled up and saw that Brady told her what happened on Friday night. Apparently Marco said things like, “Look, she has her tits our for me,” and “I love it when she bends over the table like that,” and “Looks like Reese has been doing her squats.” And when Brady tried to defend me, Marco just laughed.
Lindsey said, “Eww. What has she been doing with him that makes him think this is okay?”
Brady said, “That’s the thing, I don’t know.”
“I don’t like this situation at all. You deserve answers,” Lindsey said.
Ugh! I get that Brady is allowed to talk to his friends about our relationship (I do too), but he could at least talk to me about it too. I felt weird about all of it and especially gross that people were talking about me and thinking about me in that way. I cleaned the house from top to bottom then headed to get Brady from work.
“Hey,” Brady said, kissing me when he got in the car.
I started home and blurted out, “I think we should take a break.”
Brady threw his hands up like he was frustrated. “What? Why?”
“Because neither of us trust each other, we can’t communicate and we obviously don’t know what we want,” I explained.
“What?” he said again.
“We suck at this. You don’t want to go to therapy and we can’t figure out how to make this work on our own.”
“Oookkkayyy…”
“So I’ll move out.”
“Where are you going to go?”
“I’ll find somewhere to go obviously.”
“Reese, why are you doing this?”
I started crying. “Because! I don’t know how to have a normal relationship and you deserve better! Don’t pretend like you don’t agree! All your friends and family hates me, like it’s fine. We don’t have to force it.”
Brady didn’t say anything for a while and the only sound was me sniffling. Finally he said, “Fine. If that’s what you want.”
I nodded.
“You don’t have to leave.”
“I’ll stay downstairs,” I said.
We didn’t say anything the rest of the ride home. We ordered pizza for dinner and watched a movie, but then when it was time for bed, I took Tucker to the guest room to sleep. And obviously cried all night because I’m a crazy person.
Brady knocked on the door this morning and woke me up. I shouted for him to come in and he had breakfast. Ugh. Why is he so sweet to me? We decided to get up and go to church with Kendra and John and afterwards we grabbed a quick lunch with them. I asked Brady to drop me off at Nordstrom after that.
“Do you want me to wait in the car or come in with you?” he asked me.
“I’ll find a way home,” I told him.
He sighed dramatically. “Why are you doing this, Reese?”
“Because we need a break, Brady! You need to step back and think about the kind of relationship you deserve.”
He didn’t seem to catch that I’d repeated Lindsey’s text verbatim and said okay. So I walked around Nordstrom for a few hours just looking at everything. I didn’t even try anything on. I went to the beauty department and forced myself to buy a bunch of things I don’t need. Brady texted me saying he was going to a super bowl party and did I want to come? I told him to go ahead without me.
So he’s still out. I’m so confused and depressed. I don’t know what a “break” is supposed to do, but I really want to talk to Brady about it tonight when he gets home. I feel like I’m acting guilty and maybe I am a little bit. I can’t imagine my life without him and I don’t want to, but maybe us not being together would be for the best. As much as it pains me to say it. We just don’t know how to make this work and new issues come up every week. Why can’t we just have a normal relationship! Seriously! But I do think we should take a step back and regroup.
hot mess in high heels. 
The biggest problem is you keep reading Brady’s messages. Is he not allowed to vent to his friend if he wants to or get advice? I mean you can go talking to Kendra or Carly and its find but if Brady does it you want to go on a break. Honestly did you think Marco just wanted to be your friend. You admitted that he made comments about how hot you were but acted like its no big deal. Then you accepted the bag from him. Did you return it or even tell brady? With you there’s this double standard. I think you need to move out and be on your for a little and figure out what you want. The snooping is ridiculous and has to stop. Throwing a fit and wanting a break because Brady discussed your relationship with a friend is rudiculous. You don’t trust Brady and you find wAys to make it seem like he’s doing you wrong because you feel guilty for your actions. Didn’t you say that you don’t go to therapy anymore because they don’t have appointments on the weekend? Now you’re making it seem like you’re not going because Brady doesn’t want to. Why can’t you go on your own if that’s the case?
I’m sure most will act like Brady’s so wrong and out of line and that everything you do is justified. Sadly that only makes you continue this nonsense.
Brady is allowed to vent! Brady isn’t willing to make time to go to therapy. I’m willing to miss a morning of work to go but do you think Brady is? I don’t think Brady is wrong, I’m not mad at him at all. you misunderstood me
I agree with a lot of this post. Especially the part about people thinking Brady is always in the wrong. People idolize you Reese and its part of what makes your behavior continue. What kind of woman stalks a young girl at her job? Reads her boyfriends text messages? Uses his credit card because she’s pissed off and thinks she’s so entitled? And worst of all flirts and acts super shady then gets mad because her bf doesn’t know what he wants from her? You’re still a little girl, far from a woman. The most grown up thing you’ve ever done is ask for a break. It’s time to step back and evaluate your life a little bit and prioritize things. Grow up girl.
Oh man!! You totally went into self preservation mode and tried to break up with him before he could break up with you. Apologize the fuck to him for doing that. Brady loves you. Talk to him. When you’re honest and explain things to Brady he listens. Just try doing it more regularly and you’ll both get better. You just overanalyze everything and then blow shit out of proportion. Marco is a piece of shit and you should block his number…no hesitations. Now go. Kiss that man of yours.
that’s exactly what I did (broke up with him before he broke up with me!). I even said it last night during our talk. I will go back to therapy and I’m going to make Brady go too. the two of us having some major issues and together it is not good.
I love therapy. It was an adjustment at first, but it’s super helpful. Hoping the best for you💚
In my opinion, I think you guys would be happier in the long run if you did break up. Or at least for an extended period of time. Your relationship seems so dysfunctional and unhealthy lately and it sounds like the bad outweighs the good. Will you miss eachother like crazy? Of coarse. It will be freaking hard. But in the long run, a successful relationship can’t sustain itself on attraction, chemistry and how much fun you have together. It sustains itself on open and honest communication and like mined goals. Just my opinion. I ended a 6 year relationship and it was he hRdest thing I ever had to do, but it was for the best. The best advice I received was “You don’t stick with somebody because you want it to work, you stick with it because it’s working”
how do you know your break up was for the best? are you happier now? and I disagree with the advice you received.
I know it was for the best because I’m much happier now. I loved him but our relationship wasn’t working for a long time. Only you’ll know if that’s what’s right for you. And by that I didn’t mean, if it’s getting hard just end it. But if the big issues you have are not working out and constantly coming up, sometimes it is best to move on and eventually find someone you can be happy and more compatible with. But again, only you’ll know of that’s what’s right for you.
yeah, that’s true. I think Brady and I have the same fights and issues all the time and they don’t get better because he doesn’t see anything wrong (or pretends not to). hopefully we are able to figure out what’s wrong and make it work.
I am going to start off by saying I won’t advise you to break up with Brady or stay with him. I think that is a decision you have to make and it would be cavalier advice to push you in one direction or another. I do agree with Brenda above and think that you need to quit reading Brady’s messages. Period. It’s an invasion of his privacy and he may just be venting or trying to process his feelings with friends. Reading his messages has served only to fuel your insecurities. This not only damages your relationship, but it damages your self esteem and you consequently go seek validation from guys like Marco. It seemed obvious to me he was into you as more than a friend right from the get-go. The blinders you seem to wear regarding the attention of men like Marco has repeatedly gotten you into trouble and will continue to be a problem for your romantic relationship, whether you stay with Brady or end up with someone else. Brady is upset and has a right to be in this situation. You have been upset with him in the past for the very same circumstances. It makes you feel awful and off balance when he communicates with other women (recently Hailey and that was even innocent, but still…!) So now, he feels the same way. You can surely empathize with his feeling here.
As for taking a break, well, I think that is a cop out. You either break UP all the way or stay together. This nebulous “taking a break” is meaningless. I see people talk about taking breaks and I think it amounts to easing out of a relationship. It certainly doesn’t strengthen relationships. It is avoidance. Maybe you two can work things out, maybe you can’t. But, splitting with Brady will not fix what I see is an underlying insecurity and need for male validation that shows in you periodically. This insecurity is what you need to work on. It is a major cause of your trust issues. You need to learn to be more self confident. I have read this blog from the beginning and you have come a long way, but we are all of us works in progress until the day we die. Learn to love yourself and have faith in yourself. THAT is he path to being a whole person.
I literally want you to be my therapist. how much do you charge? you’re the best! ☺️
Aw, shucks!
Losing Brady seems like the worst thing that could happen to you right now. But that’s because you have made Brady your whole world. Eventually losing brady would hurt less, and maybe parting ways would be for the best…. Losing such a big aspect of your life is heart breaking but you will always bounce back.
On the other hand though, with all the love you do have for him, maybe instead of using “a break” as a cop out, you stand and fight for him and your relationship. Taking the easy road is never the best option. You love Brady and he loves you. You both have your problems, but you have made it past all of them.
I agree with Sara. You seek males attention and validation to help ease your own insecurities. Marco, was never just your friend. He could never be your BFF and I think you were naive to believe that. It was a horrible idea to even invite Marco that night. Let’s be honest. No boyfriend will ever be okay with you having a “BFF” that goes and says derogatory and sexual comments, at least Brady was trying to defend you in some way. That goes to show how much he not only loves you, but respects you as well.
I also think that you need to stop invading Brady’s privacy. Those texts were private whether he said so or not. Reese, you would have had a bitch fit if you knew he was reading yours. You are just feeding your insecurities which then creates all this problems in your head. I think you should see a therapist with out Brady. He can’t hold your hand every step of the way. By seeing someone with out him, you can start to work on all your underlying problems that affect your relationship with Brady. Then from there maybe you guys can try couples therapy again.
I wish you the best of luck with the new job, as well as with your love life. Follow your heart and do what will be best for YOU.
Brady IS my whole world.
If Brady is your whole world, then this is a horribly lopsided relationship because you are not his whole world, nor should you be. The only way relationships work are if both people are strong on their own. Work on yourself. And give Marco back that purse!!!!! Like yesterday. You never should have accepted it.
And I 100% agree with everyone else. STOP reading Brady’s private text messages. If you want to have a healthy relationship with him, talk to him. Reading his text messages and preemptively striking is not communication. Quite honestly, his friend is giving him really good advice. Good luck with all of this.
You are taking a break because you guys have problems communicating, but you still don’t communicate?
Try talking to him. i think you freaked out because of what you read and brought up the break before he would break up with you. Talk to him, admit to your mistake of being naive in your friendship with Marco, but let him know that’s all there is to it. He will believe you.
You should read the love languages book, obviously Brady is not a verbal person, but there’s other ways he shows his love for you. Figure out the way you guys communicate, so you can feel loved by him that way you won’t need validation from anyone else.
Remember the times you opened up to him and got him to talk and how good you felt afterwards. He loves you so I think that’s worth giving it a shot.
is the love languages an actual book? who’s it by?
I agree with reading Love Languages book. It helps to give a better understand of the different ways people love and want to be loved. Here’s the website for the book. http://www.5lovelanguages.com/
The 5 love languages by Gary D Chapman.
PS: how are you feeling about Luke? Is he just clueless? Why would he bring Stacey?
I’m sick of Luke. he’s a differently person since he met Stacey. I don’t see us talking much more after I leave my job.
I am just reading some of these comments, because I didn’t when I left mine the other day – I just wanted to say that this Love Language book is AWESOME. I read it last year and my mind was blown; it really did make me reevaluate certain aspects of my relationship and made me more receptive to my (now) husband’s needs (as well as my own). You can actually take the love language quiz on the website Meg^ gave. It is really interesting! Definitely recommend!
I’ve been reading your blog since the beginning and even though I went to U of A I’m on your side, lol. I think Brady texting the toddler is ridiculous and obviously she wants him. I think you need to have a serious adult convo with Brady and lay it all out. If you can’t be 100% honest with him and tell him everything then what are you doing? Your future husband should be your bff, start letting him in, maybe he is insecure because he feels you’re holding back? I only know what you post obviously but this is the feeling I get.
I think we’re both really insecure because we don’t fully let each other in. it’s so dumb but we’re both going to work on it. I don’t talk to ppl who went to u of a but I guess we can be friends. 🙂
Why are you people calling her a toddler? Why is there a need to be so degrading towards other women. Gross.
I think calling her a toddler is a relatively nice thing to say about a girl who is trying to sneakily hang out with my boyfriend and bring him candy everyday.
Really Reese? What do you call a woman that seeks validation and accepts really expensive gifts from other men? You’ve always degraded other women with your comments or name calling. However when the tables are turned you act so offended that Brady’s friend might think of you in a different light.
You need to be a big girl. Tell Brady everything. That you read his texts, about the bag, your conversations with Marco, etc. don’t leave out the details that make you look bad. You threw a fit because Brady didn’t tell the girl at the gift shop about you but you were mistaken. Now you have a problem with this girl bringing him candy when you accepted an lv bag from Marco?
I have a feeling you’re going turn this entire situation around and make it seem like he did something wrong. He will apologize and you’ll buy yourself something with his credit card and then the cycle will repeat.
no I’ve owned up to everything and I plan on telling Brady everything too but hopefully we have a mediator! how do I degrade other women? I called her a toddler, that’s hardly degrading.
Ummm wtf is wrong with that Marco dude. Seriously what a creeper. Do Brady and lindsey think you’d be stupid enough to invite your sidepiece to meet you and your boyfriend??
apparently they do think I’d do that! they’re stupid.
Ugh. I think this is it. Make or break time. You need to sit down and have a major conversation. I think if you take a break then this us it…even if he truly is the one for you. I agree with another comment that maybe you should go talk to someone alone. In fact even if Brady agrees to go I think you should go alone some as well. If I were you .. 1) ditch Marco. he’s proven he’s not a friend 2) talk to Brady and figure out if you guys want this. Lay it all out there . 3) either walk away completely Or work on a way to rebuild your relationship. Stop drinking and partying all the time and work on being a couple
we are both going to therapy alone! he knows he has issues and has never seen a therapist so it’s time. don’t worry, I’ve already ditched Marco. he actually called me to apologize and he left a voicemail. still not acceptable. Brady and I did talk and worked some things out but I’m going to stay downstairs for a little longer. and I think not partying so much is a great idea. that’s when all the trouble starts. time to grow up.
I think you should move out, get your own place and be independent. There comes a time in our lives when we need to grow up and act like a responsible adult. I’m worried that alcohol is your vice and that you have a dependency problem. You don’t have limits and have admitted to drinking to the point of blacking out. That’s not good. I think for once you need to take full responsibility here. Don’t try to make Brady feel like he did something wrong because he hasn’t. He’s entitled to talk and vent to his friend who has been in the picture much longer than you. Throwing passive aggressive jabs is childish. Why are you still reading Brady’s messages? How would you feel if he did that to you? You keep saying that Brady needs to go with you to therapy but you can go on your own and work on yourself. You have many issues that you need to figure out.
What made you invite Luke? He’s not your friend. You should have figured out that by now and not included him. When will you learn?
what passive aggressive jab did I throw?!
and I keep trying to salvage my friendship with Luke because I used to adore him but I guess I should accept that it isn’t like that anymore.
Im so happy reading these comments because I think Im reading between the lines that you guys are working on it and not giving up 🙂 Staying in the spare room is a great idea in my mind. Getting rid of Stacy (yuck), Marco (douche) and Luke (sad as I thought he seemed like a good guy) can only be a positive thing. Spend more time with the people who love you and truly have no hidden agenda. You may call Kendra boring but I bet she gives great advise because you truly knows you.
No joke, what Marco did was going to be a part of a certain storyline in my blog lol. I’m definitely leaving it out of my blog now (not that it was such an important turning point like it was for you so that’s good) and am going to consider not reading this blog again; I wouldn’t want to be accused of stealing from another person (as I’ve seen on other blogs).
Side note though, 😥 just all 😥 I’m sure you’ll figure it all out. Best of luck to you and Brady ❤
Soul xo
lol. I give you permission to use it.
Lol why thank you, but the moment’s gone! lol and I’ll probably still read your blog lol :D. Looking forward to an update on your relationship and work! 🙂
Soul xo
Nothing good seems to happen when you get drunk. If you fan go out and have a few cocktails, that’s great but the obliteration is not OK.
Take what happened with Marco as a serious wake up call on several fronts:
1. Appropriate relationships. What did you get out of the friendship with Marco? You’ve described his making comments about your appearance, body and giving you gifts. If Brady did the exact same thing with another woman, you would be livid. This isn’t about ‘I’m allowed to have make friends.’ It’s about appropriate boundaries and respecting your relationship with Brady.
2. Yes Marco was a douche. But you absolutely sent him mixed signals. When he made those comments, the message should have been, stop or I can’t ever speak to you again. No coyness. Just. Stop. Asking him out also sent him a mixed message. ‘I tell Reese how hot she is and she accepted an $$ gift and now she’s inciting me to celebrate her new job.’
3. Drinking heavily probably meant you missed the signals of what was happening.
4. Reading Brady’s messages is such a complete violation of privacy and trust. I cannot begin to tell you how much this would bother me if someone did that to me.
I believe the lack of communication on so many issues has built up to create this perfect storm. Combine that with the emotional upheaval of the new job and you just broke. Talk to Brady. Openly and honestly.
Finally. Luke. He ‘knows’ hoe you feel about Stacey. Inviting her was a completely disrespectful thing to do. ‘Especially’ without talking to you.
Good luck.
WHY CAN’T EITHER OF YOU JUST HAVE A NORMAL, ADULT CONVERSATION WITHOUT IT ESCALATING???????????? That is what I keep asking myself OVER and OVER again reading your interactions with Brady in this blog for MONTHS. Neither of you is upfront about ANYTHING. You and Brady stopped being -friends- a long time ago. Having a happy, committed relationship is WAY more than just the physical and sexual connection. You have to work at being best friends to each other, too. Best friends communicate (Hello, Lindsey!) – WHY, for the love of God, can neither of you just say exactly what you mean?????? It’s like pulling teeth. For instance, instead of passive-aggressively referencing Brady’s private conversation with Lindsey when you’re making a completely impulsive decision (that you seem to regret), why can’t you just finally OWN the fact that you’ve been reading his messages and that you want to work on your communication skills as a couple so when things like this happen in the future, he feels safe coming to you to discuss it instead of leaving you completely in the dark and talking to his –FRIENDS- about it. It’s obvious to me that you are insecure (not that I blame you, because he is honestly the worst lol I would probably feel insecure too) in your relationship; otherwise, you wouldn’t feel the need to read his messages like you do.
The way you and Brady handle these kind of situations is extremely juvenile and it is EXTREMELY frustrating.
I think we all saw this coming with Marco, unfortunately. A good amount of your readers knew he didn’t have good intentions after the designer bag he gifted you. I can’t believe he was that big of a douche, though. What a maniac.
I know!!! you’re right. I’m frustrated with myself but I think because he doesn’t ever open up I don’t want to either. it’s like neither of us try. I hope someone can help. I’m thinking of asking my mom at this point.
You guys see a fight and a big mistake Reese made. I see possibility for improvement. You can come clean to him about reading his messages, let him know you know what you did was wrong. But you just got curious and carried away because he never shares anything with you.
The Marco friendship was a mistake, you thought you could have male friends and didn’t notice anything wrong until Brady told you about it. Nothing happened, you did nothing wrong besides being naive and trusting all he wanted out of you was friendship. And yes you probably would’ve noticed sooner if you had been sober when you hang out. But you can’t change the past just move forward and learn from your mistakes.
I agree Brady should be your BFF and that’s probably what hurts more than anything you could’ve done with Marco. I told you before you shouldn’t be telling things to other men you don’t tell Brady and same to him. Why is he going to Lindsay to discuss things he should’ve discussed with you?
It’s ok if you want to stay downstairs, but try to keep the lines of communication open. Maybe you guys need to go back to dating. Try taking sex out of the relationship and see what happens.
I feel like you get so down on yourself when you make a mistake. But mistakes are part of life, just recognize what you did wrong, apologize and change so you don’t do it again. You are about to start a new job and you’ll meet new people probably men so be careful in your new relationships keep things platonic.
Keep your chin up Reese, things can only get better from here.
i think I was just more honest with Marco about my life than I was with Brady. I didn’t care we he thought and I want Brady to think I’m perfect.
If it were me, I’d be upset about the texting he’s doing with that girl. It is one thing to vent to your friends, but there’s a slippery slope when you start venting to someone of the opposite sex. Yes, you’ve been texting with Marco, but you have been clear that you have a boyfriend, and you also don’t talk to him about the issues in your relationship with Brady. I know from experience that when your partner starts complaining about their relationship to someone of the opposite sex who may have a crush on them or is attracted to them, it brings nothing but more issues and drama. I think you two moving in together might have been too soon. It just seems like since you’ve moved in, there’s been all this pressure put on the relationship to advance to the next step or to catch up to the step your friends are on. You didn’t move in because it was what you both were ready for. If I remember correctly, it was the circumstances at the time that led you to move in. In my opinion, I think you and Brady could have a future together, but I think it’s probably a good idea for you to move into your own place again, and work on your issues with Brady in the meantime. I think when the two of you get to that level of trust and respect for one another, you will know when it’s the right time to live together. Living in separate spaces could help you appreciate what you do have, give you the chance to miss each other, and give you both the opportunity to have some time to yourselves. This is just my opinion. Also, all the secrecy needs to stop. Otherwise, the relationship definitely WILL NOT work! You haven’t been able to communicate with Brady about the fact that it upsets you that he speaks to that girl in the gift shop because he doesn’t know that you’ve been reading their messages. You need to either stop reading the messages and let it go or finally come clean that you’ve been reading them and tell him how you feel.
I don’t know if I want to move out but I think staying downstairs is helping (as much as I hate it) just to have some time apart.
Oy! Reese! This post stressed me out (and it sounds like you are pretty stressed too). I think you guys need to talk about things more before deciding whether a break is a good thing or not and consider all the consequences. I’ve known couples who have taken breaks and then got back together and things were great, but I also know couples who ended up taking very permanent breaks. Either way something in your relationship needs to change, and it might take you a while to figure out what and how. I agree that Brady should talk to you about the stuff he was texting Lindsay but geeze a man’s got to vent! And sometimes talking to someone outside the relationship helps, so people in the comments need to pipe down about Brady and Lindsay’s friendship. I think the biggest problem you and Brady have is communication. Yes you guys have issues, but so does every relationship. Just talk more, and be honest and don’t let things escalate so suddenly. Also Marco is the human personification of grease, that dude is sketchy and me no like.
well we definitely aren’t breaking up right now, we had a good talk last night and we both know things need to change.
I feel like there have been about 5 times when you said you want a break/ to break up and you never do. While Sara above is clearly the advice giving winner, I think you actually need to break up and move out. You have this endless cycle of the same patterns of situations that lead to arguments that lead to make up sex and brushing everything under the rug. I think you need a reality check about your behavior with other guys and invading Brady’s privacy and Brady needs to have the balls to stay mad at you long enough to fix the problems. You guys can’t even handle arguments over you being flirty with Marco, so how are things going to be down the road when problems get a lot more serious than that. Doesn’t look like a bright future to me, sorry. If i could I’d time hop you back to the beginning of this relationship when everything was sunshine and rainbows.
agreed.
Can you just break up! Sorry to be blunt but its like the same shit, different day! This relationship had become and endless cycle of the same situations causing the same arguments, and brushing everything under the rug with some makeup sex. I really think you can both find more compatible people to be with. I don’t think either of you should be in relationships until you learn how to act like you’re off the market and brady learns how to communicate his feelings with his sig other. You just don’t seem to mesh other than sexually these days.
yikes.
I don’t know if I trust Lindsey. I have always felt like there is an ulterior motive where she is concerned.
I feel bad that you are in a position of such confusion, doubt, and feeling the need of taking a break. I get it though. It sucks when you feel like there are all of these elements reaking havoc on your relationship. I am in a similar boat with my marriage; it definitely seems like you and Brady do not excel when it comes to real and serious communication. Most people don’t and there’s nothing wrong with that. Communication, especially when it regards negative issues, is hard. I am a terrible communicator and that is largely why my marriage is ending. Just be careful – and proactive, because even 1 or 2 issues that are not being communicated by either party can creep up and bite you in the ass and do major damage.
I am a long time reader and I love your story; you remind me of me sometimes, I know that we as readers are probably getting a cliff’s notes version of your life, but it does seem like for the past while things have been very strained between you and Brady. Be it his family not being nice to you, or you thinking you have to worry about girls that he works with, or your relationship with Marco. Even if it is innocent in your eyes, I have learned from personal experience that other people will interpret it differently and it will cause trouble for your relationship. I am a guys girl and I have gotten into trouble with my significant others because I have close and amazing relationships with my guy friends. In my eyes they are strictly platonic so I never see the need to put constraints on them, but my (ex?)husband never seems to see it that way. So it is something that needs to be delicately dealt with right away, especially if you think that your guy friend has romantic interest in you. The Marco situation kind of blew up in your face; he seems like a douche but he also maybe should have been put in his place awhile ago.
I hope that you guys work things out – if you both want to be together. Breaks are hard but can sometimes be for the best. My ‘break’ from my marriage has personally been hell but I can also say that these types of situations force you to think a lot and learn a lot about yourself and what you truly want. I hope that this break does that for you.
That being said, I wish I lived in Chicago so we could go out and party. My recent separation has been brutal for me and I need to cut loose. I am also always here with lots of experience if you want to message me.
aww. you poor thing! email me and we can talk! I can’t imagine going through what you’re going through (im a huge baby as you can see)
I just moved back home after a year apart from my husband. We both dated other people and had to rediscover ourselves. Just know it’s hard to flip flop on how you feel. If you need a break take it. If not work to fix things.
Hi Reese,
Reading this blog I empathize — you need a hug and a good friend who will share sane, responsible advice without judging. I wrote a whole novel here — sorry! But its good advice and some that I wish someone had shared with me when I was going through something similar.
1.) Look around at your life and think about who is helping you be a better person — Luke, Marco, Stacey, Dave — they are all sources of drama. Some of them are on the way out of your life due to your new job, but some of them will stay around as long as you let them. It’s time to clean house and stop hanging out with people like Luke who ignore your cues. You deserve better than to be insulted by Stacey in your own home.
Following some of Kendra’s cues by leaving earlier and drinking less might help you achieve what she’s achieved. Stay fun and stay you but figure out how to do it without all this extra shit. Once you’ve cleared some of them out, focus on you and Brady — does he make you feel strong and help you grow? Or is the fighting too much? Only you can figure that out.
2.) This sucks for me to say because I’ll be sad if you follow my advice and I can’t follow along on your adventures, but I think you should take a hiatus from the blog, longer than a couple weeks at least. The people who come on here to tear you apart (and there definitely are some) have brought you down. Everyone goes through tough times in their twenties — times when they do stupid stuff and feel down. Listening to all the voices of people who don’t really know you, whether well meaning or vicious might be making it harder for you to hear yourself. Now is the perfect time to focus on listening to your conscience and women’s intuition and find things and the people you love! I think you can do that, it won’t be easy but I think it’ll help you find fun, happy, relaxed Reese again.
I realize I’ve written a letter here, but in the meantime focus on doing good things you love that make you feel worthwhile. Go to the gym. Go to church. Get a massage. Cook and reorganize your closet and play with your dog. Call your parents on the phone (I think I remember your dad gives great advice?) Visit Carly and help her with her wedding details. Go for a Galentine’s dinner with Kendra. Volunteer somewhere.