you’re going to jail.

Scott surprised us all and flew home early and showed up to the office on Thursday. He didn’t warn us before hand, but did call me before he arrived to see how everything was going. I let him know that everything was fine and under control. Luckily when he showed up I was finishing up a call with a client and not sitting on Monica’s office floor complaining that I wanted to go home.

“Oh, hey! What are you doing here?” I asked, following him to his office.

“I’ve got a load of things to do that I couldn’t do in New York. You don’t sound excited to see me?” he replied.

“Oh, I’m super excited! We have so much to catch up on,” I said.

Have I mentioned that I’ve started sucking up to Scott lately because I realized that he’s the kind of boss who needs it? He pretends to be super humble, but really, he just wants to be flattered and I’m happy to do it. I mean, you gotta do what you gotta do.

There was a scheduled conference call with Mike that afternoon so Scott and I prepared for it together. Monica had already left for the day so she missed it and this is kind of evil, but I was curious to see what Scott would say to her about the client complaint situation. Monica and I are speaking again, but the whole situation just isn’t okay. I spoke to the client and he was mostly upset with how Monica treated him and how little she was willing to help him. And her treating clients like that makes my job harder.

As if having Scott show up unannounced wasn’t enough, Mike arrived on Friday morning. Even Scott didn’t know he was coming and he took the day off. I was standing at the reception desk, checking my email and Snapchat when I heard Mike say, “Hi, Reese.”

I dropped my phone and stood up straighter. “Hi Mike! It’s so nice to see you!”

He walked past me and kind of frowned, not returning my friendly greeting. Not even five minutes later, he emailed me asking me to meet him in his office. Fuck.

I quickly memorized the quarterly numbers, swished some mouthwash and headed down there. His door was propped open and I stepped inside.

“Hey. You wanted to see me?”

“Yes,” Mike said and just glared at me. I sat down in the chair in front of his desk. “I want to know about the client complaint.”

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” I’d sent Scott, Mike and Monica an email letting them know how I resolved the issue, but I was purposely a little vague because Monica was included in the email and I didn’t want to trash talk her or seem like I was blaming her. I’d told Scott the whole truth over the phone though and he didn’t show me that he cared much.

So I explained everything to him in full detail including what the client said about Monica and her team. I mean, I really went in depth.

When I finished Mike just stared at his desk for a second before giving me a disappointed look. “It’s unfortunate we almost lost a great customer like that.”

I nodded and then he pulled his phone out of his suit pocket and started typing. I waited a moment before starting to say, “Well, I’m gonna go,” but Mike interrupted me.

“How can we prevent something like that from happening again?”

“I think we need to be sure everyone is on board with the company expectations when it comes to clients. And clear consequences when those expectations aren’t met,” I said.

Mike nodded. “Yeah.” He started typing again.

A few hours after my talk with Mike, Scott called my cell phone.

“Hey Scott,” I answered.

“Hi Reese. How are things going there?” he asked.

“Fine. I’ve been helping one of the designers all afternoon. Coming up with ideas.”

“I’m disappointed you didn’t reach out to me and let me know that Mike was there and that he requested a meeting with you. I need to know about all your interactions with Mike. No matter how small.”

Honestly, I’d forgotten that Scott wanted to know anytime I talked to Mike like some sort of jealous husband.

“It completely slipped my mind,” I admitted.

“I noticed. And that’s unacceptable.”

But having a client complaint get all the way back to Mike is?

Needless to say, I was ready for the weekend. On Saturday, one of Brady’s friends was having people over before we all went on another friend’s boats. Even though I would never even stick my toe in Lake Michigan, I put on a bikini under a romper just in case.

I wasn’t prepared to see Tia because I was so focused on myself, but she was sitting on the couch when we arrived. She had on oversized aviators and a huge t-shirt and was kind of hunched over the table on her phone. I rolled my eyes, but wasn’t about to acknowledge her presence. Thief.

I’d invited Preston to the festivities because he appreciates a good boat and he arrived a little while later with a bottle of Don Julio. Brady left us alone to catch up and I immediately informed him that Tia was present. Obviously I’d told him all about her.

“Holy lips,” he gasped after taking a look at her. “She’s hot.”

I glared at him. “I hate her. I really just want to punch her in the face.”

“Reesie baby, no violence today. Let’s drink!” he said.

And that’s probably the most mature thing Preston has ever said so we did. We started talking to these two guys from Boston and I could tell Preston was really into them. Preston and his boyfriend, Joe, have been having issues because Joe cheated. Anyway, Preston loves straight guys especially if they have zero chance of being gay. More of a challenge for him I guess.

Suddenly Preston was a Republican, loved craft beer and planned on going back to school to further his education. All lies, but you know, you have to fit in somehow. Preston hit it off particularly well with the shorter of the two and kept giggling and touching the guy’s forearm. I’d kind of zoned out until I heard the guy say, “No, no, no. You gotta see this.” And the three of them started to walk away. Preston turned around and motioned for me to follow, but I decided to let him spend some quality time getting to know his new friend. So I waved him off then went to hang out with Brady.

To my surprise, Brady pulled me to him by my waist and kissed my forehead. He was drinking a beer with two guys and a girl who I’ve never met. The four of them were talking about work. One of the guys is a surgeon, but is an attending (?) and the girl is a resident OBGYN. They were using words like sutures, calcified and deoxyhemoglobin. Like what? Even though I had no idea what they were talking about, I love hearing Brady talk and be in his element like that. It’s so adorable.

Luckily they ran out of their beers and wanted to chug one last can before we left for the boat. At this point it had probably been close to an hour since I’d seen Preston and I checked my phone to see that he had texted me.

“This Tia bitch is actually pretty cool. I can’t wait to tell you about it!” he’d said. Why was he talking to Tia? Where was his loyalty?

A lot of the guests were migrating outside to get ready to walk to the dock where the boat was waiting. I hadn’t seen Preston go outside so I walked through the house to find him. He was in the living room where we’d first seen Tia, kneeling down in front of her and her friend. He must have felt my presence because he quickly jumped up and turned to me, motioning for me to leave.

“Don’t freak out yet. Give it a little time so it doesn’t look like I told you anything,” he said through clenched teeth.

“What are you talking about?” I asked.

Preston discreetly grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the kitchen with him. “Check your phone.”

I had to dig my phone all the way out of the bottom of my purse and saw that Preston had sent me a picture. A screenshot from Tia’s Instagram. Since I sent her that message, I think she blocked me or changed her Instagram name or something, but I haven’t really been too concerned about it. I didn’t think the skank would be stupid enough to post a picture wearing my bracelet.

But she did. At least I think it was my bracelet. In the picture she’s standing on the beach with a friend, her big fake tits on full display and wearing a stack of bracelets on one arm. There is a glare from the sun, but it definitely looked like my gold bracelet and I immediately saw red. There was no way Preston was stopping me from saying anything.

“So yeah, just wait a bit-” Preston started, but I was already on my way back to the living room to confront her. “Reese, wait!”

Tia and her little friend were still sitting on the couch where they’d been since we first arrived. They were the only ones still left inside.

“I’m nuts, huh?” I said.

Through her huge sunglasses I saw her roll her eyes.

“I may be nuts, but you’re a thief and a liar,” I continued.

“Girl, first of all, get out of my face,” she said.

“Give me my shit back, you klepto!” I said, my voice rising.

“I’m warning you right now, if you don’t get out of my face…”

A threat?

“Then what? Where’s my bracelet, Tiana? If I have to come get it I will, bitch. I know where you live.” I have no idea where the broad lives.

We started arguing and I was determined to win it. I was telling her that I had a serial number on my bracelet along with a miniature tracking device and the police knew where it was. She kept rolling her eyes and telling me to get out of her face which only pissed me off more. She never actually denied it.

Preston must have went to get Brady because the two came rushing in.

I was saying, “You’re. Going. To. Jail. You. Fuck. Ing. Freak. Show,” when Brady grabbed my arm.

“What are you doing, Reese?” he asked.

“She stole my bracelet! Look! Show him the picture, Preston!” I exclaimed.

“What?” Brady said, even though he knew about my suspicions beforehand.

“I did not, Brady!” Tia said, standing up.

Preston and I both pulled out our phones, but I unlocked mine first.

“Look at the picture!” I yelled, shoving my phone in Brady’s face.

He barely even looked at it before shouting (Brady shouted!), “You stole my girlfriend’s bracelet?!”

“No! I wouldn’t do that! Brady!” Tia cried.

She was such a tough bitch when it was just me, but after Brady showed up she was suddenly whining and crying and playing the victim.

“Why would you do that after we invited you into our home?” he continued.

Tia put her hands up like she was going to grab Brady’s face, but thought better of it and just clasped them together in front of his face like she was begging. “I didn’t! I swear! I wouldn’t fucking do that! You know me.”

Tia’s friend said, “Don’t fucking yell at her!” And stepped in front of Tia to protect her as they walked around us toward the kitchen.

“She’s literally psychotic!” I yelled as they walked past.

I’ve never seen Brady yell at anyone besides me like that. I can literally count on one hand how many times I’ve seen him lose his cool in the time I’ve known him. Do y’all remember the time Brady screamed at me for messaging Jessica? It was like that. Face red, hands in fists and veins popping out everywhere. Scary. But at least he stuck up for me, even though he didn’t believe me at first.

So as you can imagine, we didn’t make it out onto the boat. Just think of what would happen if the two of us were on a boat together after that? One of us would have ended up at the bottom of Lake Michigan and it wasn’t going to be me.

On our way home, Brady apologized and told me he’d buy me a new bracelet. But I didn’t even want a new bracelet because that wasn’t the point.

That night, we went bar hopping. We made dinner, had a couple (four) drinks then walked a few blocks to the bars. We had a lot of fun dancing and making out and meeting new friends at the bar. I met a gorgeous Persian girl named Ava who promised to teach me how to slay my makeup like hers. She was so beautiful. I kept saying, “Isn’t she beautiful?” to Brady and I think it started to annoy him a bit. She’s only 22 and just graduated from college, but I want to be her when I grow up.

On Sunday, we didn’t wake up with hangovers so we went to church with Kendra and John and then had the hugest feast at brunch. I think Kendra and John were judging us a little bit because we literally had four huge platters sitting in front of us. I don’t care though. Food = ❤️.

I guess Brady felt really bad about the Tia thing because he bought me a pair of sunglasses I’ve been wanting. He’s so sweet. But I still want my bracelet back and I’m going to find a way to get it.

A couple more things. One: Dom has been in labor for three days. Brady is pissed because he said it’s super dangerous. She wants to have a natural birth and is refusing to take any drugs or have a C-section. Her water broke on Saturday and she’s been sitting is the hospital ever since. Brady and I talked about it and he literally screamed, “The baby could die! She’s such an idiot!” Yikes. Hopefully Brady’s mom or someone can talk some sense into her.

Speaking of Brady’s mom, she called my mom. My mom didn’t answer the first time so Brady’s mom left a voicemail saying something like, “I’d like to speak to you regarding your daughter wanting to marry my son.” Um, girlfriend, he wants to marry me too.

My mom called back and they spoke for about fifteen minutes. My freaking mom couldn’t remember the exact words, but said his mom asked her if she knew why we suddenly wanted to get married and how she felt about it. Of course my mom told her that she was excited and happy for us. And Brady’s mom said something like, “We don’t know if we approve of this yet. We hardly know Reese at all.” And whose fault is that?

So they scheduled a time for a longer conversation this week and I told my mom what she wasn’t allowed to say (that she sometimes gets high with her college friends, that she and my dad are separated, that I once locked my parents out of the house and threatened suicide because they wouldn’t let me sign up for the dorm I wanted, etc). Anyway, I’m anxious for that conversation.

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23 thoughts on “you’re going to jail.

  1. Megg says:

    omg. I never tire of your posts!! “one of us would have ended up at the bottom of Lake Michigan and it wasn’t going to be me.” hahaha! made me laugh out loud! you have balls…love it.

  2. Lesley says:

    I think Brady believed you all along but was afraid to admit that he brought a person like that in your home. And finally he stood up for you! Even when you were being a little bit crazy. Am I the only one who thought it was weird when you said that Tia was about to grab his face but then changed her mind because you were there? Hmm. That sounds fishy to me. It’s like they may have had something going on behind your back. But maybe that’s just me. Last thing, Brady’s mom sucks as usual. Hopefully your mom lays down the law.

    • StellaBoBella says:

      Ditto with the Tia reaching for Brady’s face thing. I thought that was a little too intimate of a gesture for someone that Brady has just been friends with. Not trying to imply that anything is going on now, but maybe in the past… But maybe (hopefully) Reese just misinterpreted it?

      • if Brady had something going on with Tia in the past, I swear I’ll either kill him or break up with him and literally never speak to him again.

  3. Cheeky says:

    An attending is the position level so he is he the highest level surgeon, residents are getting paid and are doctors but they report to an attending however they are still in learning stages for the most part. Suture are really just stitches that surgeons do, calcified is something/someone which has too much calcium and last is blood things.

    also Tia is crazy as fuck

      • Cheeky says:

        I do the same! My bf is in the medical field and sitting with his friends make you feel like you have 0 brain cells…it’s either I google or I ask a million questions lol

      • that’s how it was when I first met Brady… he’s toned it down a lot when it’s just me, but when he’s talking to his friends, I’m like what?

  4. Sara says:

    I hate people who steal!!! In high school this giant (like super muscled) girl stole a bunch of shit from my gym locker and wore it right in front of me. She had easily 60 pounds on me and knew I was scared of her. I win in the end because she still lives in our hometown doing drugs and she has a bunch of gross Facial piercings.

    I’m so glad Brady yelled at Tia. Oh and Preston cracks me up

  5. StellaBoBella says:

    I am SO happy that Brady finally stood up for you! Also, I’m glad Preston had your back too. You need people who are going to look out for you, and it seems like lately you haven’t had that from many people. That’s super scary about Dom’s baby. Usually you have only 24 hours or so after the water breaks before the baby has to come out. Hope everyone is ok.
    And I really hope your mom shames Brady’s mom when they have their conversation. What the fuck is that woman’s deal? Talk about entitlement. Sorry, but Brady’s not in her uterus anymore, she doesn’t get to dictate his life. I’m glad Brady is finally starting to stand up to her too. It really sounds like he is coming around in a lot of the major problem areas you had. Hopefully he’s doing better on the communication front too.

    • I think he’s finally realizing that he’s ready to commit so he’s stopped being so difficult. communication still isn’t great though!

  6. Her reaction to Brady calling her out is more proof to me that you were correct and she stole it. That may have not been your bracelet in the picture (even though I’m sure it was), but the way she had no excuse once that was brought to the table just shows that she really is a thief. I’m glad you were right only because if it had turned up or even if somebody else had came forward saying they “took it by mistake” or something, Brady would have killed you haha.

    • oh it was totally her. she didn’t even have anything to say. (also so glad I was right, otherwise I don’t know what I would have done lol)

  7. Sara says:

    I am glad Brady backed you up on the Tia thing. Oh, and you want the bracelet back? Let Tia know that in the state of Illinois, any theft over $300.00 is a felony. As in she WILL go to jail. And I quote:

    “If the value of stolen property is $300 or less and it was stolen directly from another person, or if the value of the property was more than $300 but not more than $10,000, the theft conviction is a Class 3 Felony which carries a possible sentence of up to 5 years in a state penitentiary and/or a fine of up to $25,000.”

    taken from this website:
    http://www.myillinoisdefenselawyer.com/il-criminal-charges/theft-shoplifting/

    Likely if you drop this info to her, she will cave. If she doesn’t, file a complaint with the cops. Take that idiot DOWN, Reese. She needs to be schooled.

  8. kelseyxsays says:

    Plz send this in a gigantic frame to Brady’s mom, STAT:

    Genesis 2:24
    “Therefore a man shall
    leave his father and his
    mother and hold fast to
    his wife, and they shall
    become one flesh.”

    😉

  9. e says:

    that Tia chick sucks

    and so does Brady’s mom

    and your emo supervisor boss type thing for being a jealous husband

    you’re hilarious though 😂

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