a baby is not a hobby.

On Thursday, Brett invited a few of us out for happy hour drinks. I really needed to get home to Tucker (Brady works late, or course), but I also really needed a drink. I said I’d go.

Brett invited four guys from the sales team plus a designer and I invited Gabby. At 5:00pm, we all trekked out of the office to a nearby rooftop bar. Gabby told me about a guy she’d met on Hinge. He sounded great and they’d exchanged some normal flirty text messages. She was feeling super pessimistic about it though and was just waiting for things to go downhill. I really feel like I should be going on these dates with her. I’ve never met someone who goes on so many bad dates and I don’t think it should be this hard in a city full of eligible men.

Gabby went to the restroom and Brett turned to me.

“So do you just drink or do you do other stuff?” he asked.

“What kind of other stuff are you referring to?” I asked innocently.

“Nevermind,” Brett said quickly, realizing that I am not into drugs.

Afterwards, Gabby and I walked outside together to catch our Ubers.

“So how much coke does Brett typically do?” I asked.

“So much! It’s so gross, he always offering it to everyone in the office,” she said.

“Seems unprofessional,” I said aloud and tucked the information in the back of my brain for later.

When I got home, Brady still wasn’t home yet. It’s so irritating. I can totally understand being a workaholic and I’ve even been one at times, but I thought he’d want to spend more time exploring our new city together.

When he finally arrived home, Tucker and I were in the galley kitchen making dinner. I’d looked up an easy ramen recipe on Pinterest that proved to be not the easy. Also, I had to buy 38 ingredients to make it.

“Once you’re more settled into work, are you going to work less hours?” I greeted him when he came and found us in the kitchen.

Brady looked surprised that I’d said that. “I’m not sure. I’m hoping that is the case, of course, but this role does require more hours. I actually have to go to Connecticut on Saturday.”

“Seriously? Didn’t you tell them you don’t work on the weekends?” I said. I’d already planned to go to brunch, décor shopping and an animal shelter for us on Saturday. I’ve decided I want a cat.

“I’m hoping this is a one time thing,” Brady said.

Obviously I was thinking about all the things Brady could potentially be doing instead of working like meeting up with some bimbo for a cute day date at a baseball game or something.

“Should I go to Connecticut with you?” I asked.

“I don’t think that would be very fun for you,” he said slowly.

I suddenly remembered our conversation about having a fresh start in New York. Not trusting him that he was going to work was not a fresh start.

“Okay, fine. Tell them you don’t work weekends though,” I said.

Brady had more bad news at dinner.

“My parents invited us to lunch on Sunday. I told them we’d come, but I wanted to check with you first,” he said.

I literally groaned.

“I agree, I feel the same way. I’ve been avoiding them for the past few weeks,” Brady said.

So I had that to look forward to.

On Saturday, Brady left at the asscrack of dawn to go to work. I slept in until 10:00am then made waffles and fresh fruit for Tucker and myself. I was excited to have the full day to myself to explore. I did everything I’d planned to do with Brady (including brunch), but alone. I actually fell in love with a cat at an adoption agency I stopped in, but it was way more expensive than I’d anticipated. So I’ll need to continue shopping around.

When Brady got home from work, he immediately cracked open a beer.

“What a long day,” he complained.

“How was Connecticut?” I asked.

“It was okay. I’ll probably have to start going once a week or at least once every two weeks,” he said back.

I ignored what he said and pulled out two glasses to make drinks. I don’t know why I thought that moving to New York would suddenly make Brady not work as much. New job, new city, same shit. Over it.

We got dressed and headed out to a cute, colorful bar in Soho. We grabbed seats at the bar and sat there talking about our lives until 2am.

“I guess I thought things would be different here,” I said after my third vodka tonic. “You’re still working a ton, which sucks because now I’m home alone because I have no one to hang out with now.”

“I’m sorry I have to work so much,” Brady said. “I don’t want you to feel lonely at home alone, but I have to work. Is there anything else I can do?”

“I guess not. I just don’t understand how a job could require you to work as much as you do. You’re choosing to do that.”

“I’m still getting settled. I want to be home with you guys more and I’ll try to get off earlier more often. It’s not my intention to be away…”

“I just can’t help feeling uneasy after…things I won’t bring up.” I was thinking of Jessica and Sydney. “Maybe I should get a hobby. Or at least have a baby to hang out with when you’re not around.”

“A baby?” he repeated.

“Yeah. It’s the perfect timing actually. I hate my job so I’ll just quit and become a full time mommy. I’ll have something to do since you’re not home,” I said.

“A baby is not a hobby,” Brady said, but still grabbed me and kissed me anyway. “I do recommend finding a hobby though.”

The next morning I woke up hating myself. I remembered leaving the bar and Brady suggesting we go to a late night bar. I was down. Apparently some of Brady’s friends were there – nerdy cool kids from school. They all had on hipster glasses with mustaches. They were cute. One guy had a big tattoo on his neck and we instantly connected. His name was Zeke.

We stayed and drank at the late night bar until after 4am. Thank God there was a taco shop next door to the bar. I rallied the crew and marched in, ordering twenty four tacos for the five of us. Zeke was telling me wild stories about drugs and threesomes. I love hearing about people’s dirty laundry so I was encouraging him to continue.

I hopped out of bed to sit in the front of the toilet. After a brief puke sesh, Brady still hadn’t moved from the bed.

“Should we get up and get food?” I asked, pushing Brady awake.

“I’m okay. You go ahead,” Brady said, turning over.

I wasn’t about to waste time begging him and instead ran out to get bagels at a place close by. Brady struggled to get out of bed when it was time to meet his parents for lunch. We were meeting them at 2:00pm uptown somewhere and Brady didn’t roll out of bed until 1:30.

“If we are late, your parents are going to assume it is my fault and I’ve been ready for ten minutes,” I complained. It wasn’t entirely true as I was walking around naked with my hair still in a bun.

I ended up throwing on a plain black shift dress, mules and kept my hair in a bun. I realize I like to dress like I’m going to funeral when I see Brady’s parents. Sometimes I am, but usually it just feels like it.

The restaurant was inside a hotel and had cute vegetation everywhere. It was super dark inside and Brady’s parents were already seated. For some reason, when I saw them I got this weird feeling like I’d missed them. Maybe I miss my own parents.

Brady’s mom stood up and hugged me first.

“We are thrilled you are both here,” she said and she leaned over to hug Brady.

Soon after we sat down, I found out that Brady’s dad was recently hospitalized and just released. Remember when the mom was making this huge deal about how the dad was sick? First of all, I completely forgot about that and I honestly thought she was fabricating the whole thing. Then Brady started talking to him about his treatment and what the doctors had told him. Brady wanted specifics – numbers, medical names and terms, recommendations.

After talking about the dad for a while, Brady’s mom turned to me. “Reese, how are you? Have you been able to find work in the city yet?”

“Uh, yes,” I replied, offended. Why would she even know that I was unemployed for two weeks? “I transferred with the company I’ve been with for two and a half years. We just had to work out the details.”

“Okay,” Brady’s mom said. “That’s good news. And how are your parents?”

Ugh. Leave me alone.

“They’re fabulous. They recently purchased a new house and my mom has gotten into gardening so they have a really beautiful garden in the backyard,” I said.

“Huh. I thought they’d split.” Brady’s mom looked at the dad.

“Yeah, we all did,” I shot back. “Sometimes you just need time away from each other.” I looked at Brady because obviously he knows that’s true. He didn’t look at me.

“We don’t need any time away from each other, do we? We spend a lot of time together,” Brady’s mom said. The dad nodded. I rolled my eyes.

Later into the meal, Brady’s mom brought up Hunter and for some reason, my heart started racing. Probably from all the guilt of having sick dreams about him.

“Hunter says he’s having some trouble with Dominique. He’s looking for guidance,” the mom said.

“What kind of trouble?” Brady asked.

“Well, she’s been popping in at work unannounced and following him around to make sure he is where he says he will be,” Brady’s mom explained.

I didn’t see the issue.

“That must be annoying,” Brady said.

I was dying to chime in.

“She is really going to get him into trouble pulling stunts like these,” the dad said.

“I wonder why she’s doing this,” Brady said.

I laughed out loud and it came out sounding like a witch’s cackle. Tis the season! Everyone looked at me.

After lunch, Brady’s mom invited the two of them over to see our place. It obviously wasn’t in any shape for visitors, especially them, so I tried to say no. They came over anyway. Our place was pretty clean, except we’d left our glasses and a huge bottle of vodka out from the night before. I saw Brady’s mom stare at the bottle, but no one acknowledged it and I quickly put it away after everyone walked through the kitchen.

Right before they left, Brady’s mom said to me, “There’s a women’s group at the church you may be interested in. It really is a lot of fun and you could probably learn something from it too.”

“Oh, I bet!” I said back. “Send me the deets and I’ll look into it.”

The following week Brady continued working like a slave. Three out of the five days, he didn’t come home until after I was already in bed. I was going to bed at 9:30 every night because I was exhausted from my everyday commute, but still.

I am absolutely hating work. Everyone in my office acts like complete idiots. I’ve never worked with such imbeciles and I don’t know how to deal. The thing that bothers me most is that no one thinks for themselves and every time they encounter any situation at all, they ask me how to proceed.

They are like, “Reese, this client asked for a cost sheet. I know that’s confidential information, but should I still send it to them?”

Now, instead of giving them the answer, I say, “Do whatever you think you should do,” which probably makes me seem lazy, but I don’t have time to be thinking for myself and everyone else too.

I complained to Brett about it.

“Aw, Reese. They just want to please you, you know?” he said in his loud voice.

I had an interview with a hospitality company for a wine and beverage manager. The job sounded fun on paper (hanging out at wineries and bars, free booze and unlimited socializing opportunities? I’m in), but after the interview, I found out that the job was way more nitty gritty and not something I’d enjoy doing. I took myself out of the running after the interview.

One night, Brady came home with a little blue gift bag. He put his stuff down then went to the bathroom, leaving the gift bag unattended. I turned it over and dumped the contents out to see what it was. Brady’s birthday isn’t for several months so I couldn’t understand why he was getting a gift.

Inside the bag was tissue paper, a nice leather card holder and a gift card to Whole Foods. The note in the gift card said, “I’m not sure what we did before you. Thx for everything. -Andrea and team”

Why in the world did Andrea and her so-called team think it was appropriate to be giving out unsolicited gifts?

I shoved everything back in the bag and then waited for Brady to come out and explain.

“What’s in the bag?” I asked when he came out of the bathroom as if I hadn’t already riffled through the bag and Googled the wallet to see how much the team had spent on him ($60).

“Oh, my team got a gift for me. It was unexpected, but very nice,” Brady said.

I decided not to care. I just can’t. I’d rather focus my energy on finding a new job I love and that is harder than I imagined.

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49 thoughts on “a baby is not a hobby.

  1. Alice says:

    Omg so many things.
    First: cats are assholes. Don’t do it lol

    What made you think Brady would work less at a new opportunity? Building a career takes time and dedication. Focus on supporting him instead of telling him what to do. You’re not his mom. You’re his partner.

    Speaking of his mom. Like her or not the way you speak about her is incredibly disrespectful. “The mother”? Really? How old are you?

    You either need to leave your past behind or leave Brady. His team did a nice thing for him. You immediately think someone’s out to steal him. It’s just petty and childish. You’re not a teenager. Stop acting like every woman in ever lifetime movie ever made. You’re going to be boiling rabbits in potentially before you know it. Get your shit together.

    You’re a woman. Act like one. I’ve never ever heard of a more pretentious, winey, privileged, selfish, self consumed person in all my life.

    Do your job, support the person you’re in a partnership with, respect people, and grow the fuck up.
    You’re a disgrace to women.

      • Kristen says:

        I kind of agree with parts of this. Brady works long hours like most professionals trying to get ahead in NYC. If you want a decent salary you have to put in the time, effort and dedication. You shouldn’t automatically assume that there’s another reason why he’s coming home late and let you imagination run wild. You and Brady have been together for a while. If you’re insecure and cannot trust him, do both you and him a favor and move on.

        I get you don’t like Brady’s mom but try to be friendly and kind the few times you do see her. I find it interesting that you thought his mom made up the story about his dad being sick and that Brady did not confide in you about his dads illness. Also it wasn’t cool cackling about hunter at the table. Mind your own business.

        It sucks that you don’t love your job. Hoping you find a role you’ll enjoy more!

      • how was I at all unkind to Brady’s mother? I am always friendly and polite to her. any feelings I have about her I’ve only shared in this blog.

    • Rach says:

      It’s one thing to give constructive criticism, but to be outright mean? I don’t get it. Don’t read the blog then, no one is forcing anyone’s hand here…

  2. Alice says:

    Omg so many things.
    First: cats are assholes. Don’t do it lol

    What made you think Brady would work less at a new opportunity? Building a career takes time and dedication. Focus on supporting him instead of telling him what to do. You’re not his mom. You’re his partner.

    Speaking of his mom. Like her or not the way you speak about her is incredibly disrespectful. “The mother”? Really? How old are you?

    You either need to leave your past behind or leave Brady. His team did a nice thing for him. You immediately think someone’s out to steal him. It’s just petty and childish. You’re not a teenager. Stop acting like every woman in ever lifetime movie ever made. You’re going to be boiling rabbits in pots before you know it. Get your shit together.

    You’re a woman. Act like one. I’ve never ever heard of a more pretentious, winey, privileged, selfish, self consumed person in all my life.

    Do your job, support the person you’re in a partnership with, respect people, and grow the fuck up.
    You’re a disgrace to women.

  3. ALICE, you need to chyLL. Reese is right – completely uncalled for. There are much better ways to be constructive.

    I’m sorry you get hate sometimes, Reese. Nobody’s perfect and I admire you for continuing to be so open with us. Sounds like NY is going pretty well so far!

  4. Joyce says:

    I love cats! They have so much personality and are secretly awkward little things. It’s hard to know if Tucker and a cat will get along with each other though…

    That church group recommendation? She definitely thinks you need to go to AA and that the vodka was all yours 😂

    • i thought about it, but I think tucker will he happy with any friend, no matter the species. she can think I need to go to AA all she wants. and she’s probably right.

    • Alice says:

      Grown ass woman: one who does not constantly suspect her man of ccuhearing, who is capable of supporting someone else’s needs instead of her own, who can respect people in her life even if she doesn’t agree or like them, and who understands the difference between a baby and a hobby. She has the ability to manage her emotions instead of acting like a complete and total crazy person.
      Oh and she can get through a meal without needing a drink.

      • Joyce says:

        What is up with you? Are you a troll? Fake? I can’t imagine someone seriously attacking a blogger personally. Reese writes in her point of view and shares her thoughts with us. She isn’t acting out on them and being outlandishly rude or anything. Your definition of a grown woman is definitely just your opinion. Have you noticed your list is all about a woman catering to other people’s needs and emotions? Don’t push it onto other people, she doesn’t need to cater to you. Just don’t read?

  5. Mandy says:

    Wow– whats with all the negativity?
    and Alice – you called Reese a “pretentious, winey, privileged, selfish, self consumed person”…if thats the way you feel why the hell are you reading the blog?

    Reese isn’t perfect, which is why this blog is interesting and addictive. Heaven forbid someone says they are lonely when their partner is gone all the time. I also call my mother in law “the mother in law” all the time.

    Keep doing you Reese, although I do think you should find a new job. You are better than where you are at. Maybe some fitness type classes would help you meet new people. Just stay away from looking for trouble since you are bored.

      • Mandy says:

        No one is perfect…hah can you imagine a blog where the main person was? I can’t think of anything more boring. Jesus even Martha Stewart had a bad side.

        Im not sure if you can do it if you live in NYC but when we went we hooked up with some girl that offered tours around NYC to tourists – the places she went to, not the tourist places. One of the girls I went with and the tour guide have ended up becoming really good friends. Kinda sounds lame when I type it out but you do get to choose the type of person and things you like. We ended up at a cool brunch spot we would have never known and also some vintage clothing stores.

      • Alice says:

        Ah maybe you’ll learn how to speak to someone by reminding yourself how it feels when people talk to you like your an asshole.

  6. C says:

    Hi! So a lot of things!
    (1) I don’t think working until past 9:30 is abnormal in NYC. For context, I regularly work ~14-16 hr days on M- Weds, ~10-12 on Thu/Fri, and a couple hours on the weekend. Its part of the culture and expectations here. I totally hear you on it not being ideal and I hope I only do it for at most 5-7 more years at most but I do think Brady probably feels pressure from colleagues to be at work and that in NYC its a component of getting ahead in certain industries. Still sucks/is not enjoyable for the future.

    (2) I am so excited to hear about all your favorite places in NYC! I hope you are loving it. I am going to brainstorm hobbies for you 🙂

      • C says:

        Will brainstorm hobbies. I am not saying everyone works those hours but I know a lot of industries that work those hours in NYC. I am definitely not saying Brady has any excuse to not be 100% honest with you 🙂

  7. D says:

    I hardly comment here, but some of the things being said are totally uncalled for. Reese uses this blog in a totally open and honest way. She can feel a certain way about her in-laws and express it here, but it doesn’t mean she is rude to them in person… There’s never been any indication of that even though Brady’s mom hasn’t been the nicest to Reese in the past.
    I think it sucks that Brady is working more than expected, but I like that you seem to be consciously making an effort not to get as jealous/jump to conclusions. Your relationship seems much healthier. Brady reminds me a bit of my boyfriend and personally, I would be upset he didn’t tell me about his dad’s surgery. I would maybe bring it up and say you’d like to know about stuff like that because you do care about him and his family.
    Lastly, the people at your work sound like they lack independence completely and anyone would be frustrated. Hopefully this new method gets them to start thinking for themselves soon, or you find something else!

    • thank you! I’m always upset when Brady doesn’t tell me things but at this point, I’m used to it. if he doesn’t feel like I need or deserve to know then I guess that’s fair.

  8. Ann says:

    Reese, I am so sorry people post such mean things. Please dont let this dissuade you from writing and sharing your life. Now as for pets – I have a cat and dog, they are awesome. If you decide to get a cat, why dont you check out Beth Stern’s Instagram @bethostern. She fosters kittens that desperately need homes, I think you would easily fall in love with one of her kittens. And hang in there, not everyone out there is a negative hater who bullies with their online comments. Love ya!

  9. Maia says:

    Jesus the negative Nancy’s are just ridiculous. Grow up. This isn’t Mean Girls 2018. I don;t understand why some women think its their place to judge over women. Especially when Reese isn’t asking us for advice. I love you guys in New York. Its a nice change. Brady is working a lot but I think you guys are right and should find a hobby. Have you ever tried Pure Barre? I love it. You will be so sore after but it’s worth it. I hope you find a new job that you’ll truly enjoy. I’ve been looking for a few weeks because I think it’s time for a change. How is Tucker doing? Have you talked to Kendra and Carly lately?

  10. Wow, Alice just needs to keep her opinions to herself. Please don’t stop posting, you have one of the best blogs around! I didn’t find you rude to his parents at all, you’re allowed to express your opinion here, it’s your personal blog! I think your relationship has drastically improved. The fact that you still went out and did everything you wanted when Brody went away for work on the weekend speaks volumes as to how far you’ve come. Have you heard of the app “Meetup”? It’s a way people find hobbies/friends. You just select anything that interests you and then it suggests groups to join, and then you will get notified of meetups and events! Just a suggestion 🙂

    https://lifeofawesterngirl.blogspot.com/

  11. FormerNYCgirl says:

    You should def check out Pure Barre. It’s a great community even though that sounds totally cheesy for an exercise class. Also one thing you could do is see if your college has an alumni in nyc group. Mind did and they had happy hours and events about once a month so it was a low key way to meet people and be social.

    If you’re living in the village you MUST try Dominique Ansel’s (the cronut inventor guy)…I am obsessed with everything he creates. For craft cocktail bars, you should check out Middle Branch, Little Branch, Milk and Honey, and Lanterns Keep.

  12. Tia says:

    Girl, I’m so sorry for the mean, disrespectful “women” who want to say shit. Try rumble it’s this boxing club in manhattan. Knock out all the haters via a punching bag. Please don’t stop blogging, your adventures are amazing, seeing you grow and travel from one city to another. Different sights and sounds it’s cool. Different food also. Go to San giordano next year or even New York Food and Wine Festival. Soul Cycle is definitely awesome and museums

  13. Maia says:

    I looked into SC and there is a location near my house! I will check it out this weekend and let you know what I think. Thanks Reese 🙂

  14. Maia says:

    I scrolled back through the comments and saw where Alice said “Reese is a mean girl, believe me I know her” This is creepy. Doesn’t seem like Reese knows you and I think you should take your mean girl attitude and go down the rabbit hole Alice.

      • Mandy says:

        I saw that as well…kinda confirms the psycho part. And if she truly does know her, reads her blogs and stays hidden, even more creepy.

        Hahah perhaps shes one of Bradys exes 😛

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