Hey y’all.
A few weeks ago while I was casually tapping through stories and scrolling my feed on Instagram, I saw that Nick, my old fling from Chicago, got engaged. To that cute girl he has been dating, the one I met out at a bar. I was super surprised, considering the last time I was in Chicago, he tried very hard to hang out with me. But like, whatever. Nick is such a nice guy.
I messaged him to say congratulations and he replied, “Hey, thanks! 😉” and we proceeded to have a four hour conversation over Instagram message. I wasn’t really jealous or anything like that; I figured it would happen eventually. And I told him the truth — that he deserves to be happy, which made me feel bad because of what happened with us. Truthfully, I had no business even trying to date anyone when I still had feelings for Brady.
And then over the weekend, Preston sent me a weird text that said, “Devin is engaged.”
Y’all remember Devin, my awful ex from college? I have plenty of gross and traumatizing stories about him in the archives if you want to read.
“How do you know?” I texted back.
Preston sent me a screenshot from Facebook: Devin looking just as good as I remember with his arm around a cute brunette. The caption said, “Your boy is getting married! 🥂”
Oh fucking really?
I spent the next fifteen minutes studying the photo: the setting (it looked like a fabulous and modern high rise apartment), the girl (a rather plain brunette with pretty blue eyes and big pouty lips), their outfits (he wore skinny jeans that left very little to the imagination and she was in fucking leggings and one of those hideous tie dye hoodies the kids are wearing these days), what I could make out of the ring (the picture was too far away to see if it was even nice). Inside me, a weird feeling was brewing. I wasn’t sure if I was shocked or upset or if I cared at all.
I forwarded the picture to Kendra and seconds later, she FaceTimed me.
“Girl!” she exclaimed. “He’s engaged?!”
Luckily, I had locked myself in the closet for privacy.
“I know! It doesn’t make any sense!”
Devin is the last person I ever thought would get married. He can’t even commit to dinner plans. I minimized Kendra so I could study the picture some more. Devin looked seriously good, like he’s been spending the last several months working out and drinking plenty of water. He’s always been unnecessarily gorgeous, but he’s definitely aging gracefully.
“How do you feel?” she asked.
And then, for no reason at all, I burst into tears.
“Oh, Reese,” Kendra sighed sympathetically. “I’m sorry. I know it’s hard to see this.”
“No, no it’s not that,” I blubbered like a fucking idiot. “It’s just so weird.”
“I know. But he’s such a loser, Reese. I hope that poor girl knows what she’s getting into.”
“Yeah, I know. Such a loser.”
I was crying over my ex who I was with ten years ago so really, who was the loser? But it just didn’t make sense. I thought Devin would play women until the day he died. I can’t believe he got engaged before me.
So naturally, I started reevaluating my life. How is it possible that Devin, the biggest player on earth, who refuses to be tied down, has a fiancée? He’s engaged? He proposed to some plain Jane LA girl who wears tie dye?
Is something wrong with me? Does she have something I don’t? I know this is a destructive way to think, but I can’t help it.
Then I got (irrationally?) mad at Brady. How is that we can be together for so long, have a baby and buy a house together, but he doesn’t think I’m good enough to marry? I’m not sure if I’m being completely crazy about the whole thing because he did make suggestions of marriage a few times, but it’s not the same. It’s not the same as, “I think you are amazing, I am in love with you and want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He’s never really said that or shown that.
So I confronted him. He was sitting on the couch watching TV while Winnie napped next to him.
“You okay?” he asked, clearly noticing that I’d been crying.
“Not really.”
“What’s going on?”
“I just think it’s really weird that you haven’t proposed to me.”
A completely blank look took over Brady’s face so I continued.
“Why is it so hard for you? We have a baby and a house, but for some reason you’re scared to actually commit to me which is stupid because a baby is an even bigger commitment. It makes zero sense,” I said.
Brady just sat there blinking like this was out of left field and he was at a loss for words. But surely he understands my frustration. It’s not the first time I’ve brought something like this up.
“I’m not scared,” he said, turning back to the TV.
“Then what is it? Do you not actually like me? Because half the time it seems that way.”
“Can you please not do this right now? You’ll wake the baby,” Brady said.
Seriously? He is such an asshole, always dismissing me. I wanted to punch him in the side of his stupid head. I went upstairs and texted with Brendan for the next few hours.
Later that night, when we were in bed, I brought it back up because if Brady doesn’t think I’m good enough to marry, I’ll take my gorgeous baby to live far away from him and I dare him to fight me on it.
“You know I want to marry you, Reese,” he said, sounding exasperated. “I don’t even know why you’re bringing this up.”
“Then why haven’t you?” I demanded. “Don’t try to pacify me now when your actions have shown me the exact opposite.”
“What do you want me to do?” he exclaimed. “When would have been a good time to get engaged and married, Reese?”
“I don’t goddamn know, but you could’ve figured it out! You’ve had six years.”
“I’m sorry,” Brady said which made me even more mad.
“Don’t say sorry, just do better!”
We both turned to sleep and didn’t say anything else. A little bit later though, he had the nerve to reach over to me to try to get some. Read the motherfucking room, Brady. For fucks sake.
Anyway. I feel a bit ridiculous about how I acted over Devin getting engaged, but I’m still frustrated with Brady. We’re snowed in together though so hopefully this forces us to talk through our never ending issues.
hot mess in high heels. 
You asked Brady if he likes you but I’m wondering if you even like him? It seems like you want to get married because your ex is not because you love him and want to make the commitment. This is just something you might want to think about!
It’s not like she’s rejected his proposal before, Brady never even proposed! I think it’s just shock that Devin, someone who she never would have imagined would settle down is engaged before her. I would feel the same way. Plus it’s not just Devin, there’s also Nick. His relationship was likely on a shorter time frame but they’re closer to a wedding…
Maybe it’s not a matter of feelings but how prepared Brady feels for marriage? Some people feel like they want to hit certain milestones or discussions before getting married. I.e reaching a point in his career, or making a certain salary before feeling settled enough for marriage.
i didn’t even think that he might want to do certain things before getting married. though it’s still a bit weird since we already have a baby
of course I like him!
I remember he was going to propose when your parents were in town, but he didn’t because ya’ll were fighting, right?
Reese, how can you say you want to marry Brady when you have blatantly flirted with Brendan and continue to chat with him? Maybe for once look at yourself instead of placing blame solely on Brady. He still has no idea about you kissing Brendan, and then having him in your house. It’s one set of rules for Brady and another for you.
Your irrational confrontations with Brady are ridiculous and childish. You’re jealous because two of your exes got engaged. Good for them. Maybe the plain Jane that devin is settling down with treats him with love and respect and trusts him. Looks don’t define a person. You have a child now, do you want her to judge people by their looks? Grow up! I honestly think Brady and you deserve better. If you didn’t have a kid together, would you even be together?
why do you guys keep saying if me and Brady didn’t have a child, we wouldn’t be together? that cannot be further from the truth. we were together for a long time before having her and having a baby has put more of a strain on our relationship than anything else. and I don’t remember judging my ex’s fiancée by her looks. I said she was cute and had pretty eyes? plain jane wasn’t meant as an insult!
I guess I’m a minority here, but I totally empathize about your ex getting engaged. You spent a long time with him being important to you and he wouldn’t commit. I have had a similar situation in my past with an ex, and reading this, I know I would be the same way if he got engaged too. It doesn’t mean you don’t love Brady and your life together.
I feel like Brady probably feels nothing will change if you’re married since you’re already living that sort of lifestyle together anyways (if that makes sense). He probably doesn’t see what the big deal is, but now that you’ve brought it to his attention, perhaps he’ll make it more of a focus.
As readers, we only know a very small part of your life and relationship that you choose share with us, I don’t think it’s fair that we judge your whole relationship off the little tidbits we get. Telling Reese her relationship isn’t working based off the small amount of their interactions we know about, is completely unfair.
Pardon my punctuation, I’m having a hard time typing on my phone today apparently.
completely agree with this!!
I agree with this. It’s unfair to judge your entire relationship based off the little information shared. Also, like you said, sometimes your posts are in part an outlet to vent, so naturally not every happy moment is discussed. No relationship is easy, they’re all work, and kids add to that dynamic.
thank you!
I agree with this because my bestie has always vented to me about the guys she has dated, so I have hated every. Single. One.
The poor guy she is with now is the only one I have liked and it definitely isn’t because she has done him any favors. Plus, I don’t even know him that well- but I feel like I know him bc I can often look at the big picture.
I think your sad over your exes for many reasons. That is layered, and I think you have close friendships with other guys out of a small fear you have with Brady. I know it is hard to be with a guy who doesn’t express his emotions bc he is perfectly happy and in life be with you, but you don’t feel it because he doesn’t express it or show it well. I can tell he is confused when you confront him bc he literally thinks you know he wants to marry you, like, “we have a house and a baby. We have been together for 6 years, of course I want to marry you. I’m in love with you.”
And meanwhile you the one with the blank face, like, really?!
Honestly you don’t seem to like Brady and even though you’ve been together for a few years, it has been rocky. They’ve always been trust issues and whenever you’re mad at Brady you seek attention from other men. Even when Brady tries it’s always something. If I were Brady, I would find this so exhausting. Nothing he does is right, there’s always an issue that’s his fault. I feel Brady puts up with a lot and while you know about his female friends…he knows nothing about your male friends. In fact, if he did how would he react? What if you found out he kissed his friend? Put yourself in his shoes.
Plain Jane isn’t exactly a compliment, is it? You judge people by appearance and that’s very gauche. Looks and material are not important.
definitely agree that Brady puts up with a lot, but I do as well. maybe it’s a mistake to vent so much on this blog because now it seems like there is nothing good about our relationship and we fight all the time. that’s not the case. maybe I’ll tell Brady about kissing my friends….several years after the incident. just like he did to me! I didn’t mean to judge the girl by her looks, but it’s all I had to go on. I’m sure she’s great if he wants to marry her – and also extremely patient becuase he is a handful 😉
Don’t tell him. Just don’t do it again. Your kissing people is never what you are looking for. Like with Nick. It wasn’t Brady-
Brady is your person. Ya’ll just HAVE to figure out a better way to communicate so you are both getting what you need from the other.
Could it be that Brady is putting off getting engaged because he’s worried about spending the money on a big wedding? Just a thought. That being said, Brady has known you wanted to be engaged for years, and now that you two have a baby together and have moved into a house together, it makes sense that you two would finally get married. But there could be more to it. From how you’ve described Brady’s personality, he’s not exactly the best communicator. Maybe you two should plan an evening alone (without the baby) and have dinner and talk about it.
Honestly, he’s probably put off asking you because he knows how much you’d want to celebrate the occasion and how that just isn’t possible right now with Covid. Right? This seems most plausible and a Brady-like reason. Maybe? I’m obviously just basing it off the tidbits from throughout the years.
Also, please don’t stop sharing/blogging. I love how open and human you are. Those that can’t take it for what it is and judge you obviously have their own issues to work through. I know some give constructive feedback here, but a lot of the comments on this post were just mean.
yeah, maybe. I think that’s why he made the whole ‘when would be a good time’ comment. I’m not fazed by the comments. I know people are going to judge even though they only know parts of the entire story.
I dated my husband for 7 years before we got engaged. He needed to finish school, the he got a job but I thought he should pay off his debt before he bought a ring and then my brother was getting married and so on. then it finally happened. At least I got 7 diamonds on either side of my center stone to represent how long I waited for him. Don’t base your timeline on anyone else’s.