Oh my God. I want to die.
So on Thursday, I got to Tennessee and headed straight to the store to meet Andrew so we could prep for the visit. Andrew was kind of stressed and freaking out because there was so much that needed to be done and he waited until the last minute to tell us. I told him that he needed to relax and he said, “You’re right. I just want it to go well. I think we are plenty prepared.”
We left the store around 8:00 and Andrew invited everyone out for dinner on him. He said we needed to relax after the long day we had and the long day we had ahead of us. I agreed.
So me, Andrew, the Tennessee manager and assistants, a male manager from a nearby store and a sales director who came to help went a restaurant near the hotel we were staying in. I ended up hitting it off with the male manager from the nearby store. His name is Ty and he’s gay and fabulous. Andrew wanted to go around the table and have everywhere share their most embarrassing work moment. I’m pretty sure mine is hooking up with an intern, but I was not about to share that story. Everyone else’s stories were pretty PG so I didn’t want to be that girl.
Also during dinner, Andrew told me that he and his girlfriend broke up. I feel like he wanted me to admit that Brady and I broke up too, but I was just like, “Oh that’s too bad. You seem to be handling it well.”
After dinner, Andrew suggested we all go to the bar down the street and have a couple of drinks on him. Obviously none of us were going to turn down free drinks so we all agreed.
I knew that I needed to pace myself so I got a really modest skinny mojito when we got to the bar. It looked kind of lame compared to everyone else’s and Andrew was the first to call me out.
“Is that normally your drink of choice, Reese?” he smirked, gesturing toward my glass.
I shrugged. Why is he so annoying?
I hung out with Ty and we danced and drank martinis. Can I just marry a gay guy and have sex with random hot guys all my life? Is that bad? Yes? Okay.
After my third martini, I went to the bartender to get another and as I was waiting for her to make it, Andrew appeared next to me.
“Heyyyy, Andy!” I said, touching his bicep. I was much more tipsy than I intended.
He put his arm around me. “How’s it going, Reese? Still getting those baby drinks?”
As if on cue, the bartender slid a martini in front of me. I gave Andrew a flirty eyebrow raise while taking a sip.
“Can we get two shots of Belvedere?” Andrew asked the bartender.
“Nooo,” I gasped. The last thing I needed was a shot of vodka.
“Oh come onnnn,” Andrew enthused while squeezing my neck.
It wasn’t a vodka shot kind of night, but I took it anyway. And then I ran off with Ty and danced. Everyone was dancing with everyone and at one point, I remember Andrew coming behind me and we danced together. Like with me shaking my ass and him grabbing my hips. I thought it was just innocent fun.
Ty had gone to get us another drink and when he came back I squealed and ran to get my drink from him. Andrew slapped my ass as I ran away.
“Ooo, careful girl. Ain’t that your boss?” Ty said.
I laughed.
Later on, Andrew was sitting on one of the bar stools next to the manager of the Tennessee store and I thought he was being lame so I ran over to him. “Get Your Freak On” by Missy Elliot (she’s making a comeback?) was on and I danced in front of him while rapping along to it. What’s with me getting drunk and giving people lap dances? Once the song was over, I tried to skip away, but Andrew yanked my hand really hard and pulled me back so I could feel his crotch. He was hard. Oops?
I giggled because I didn’t know what he wanted me to do then I ran away. Things started to get blurry. There was lots of dancing – everyone was dancing with each other and Andrew, being the only straight guy, was definitely the center of it.
I remember this part pretty vividly though. I told Ty to hold my drink so I could go to the restroom. I went in and did my business, took a couple selfies and replied to a text then headed back out there. There was a little dark hallway that led back out to the bar area and a tall figure was walking toward the bathrooms as I walking away. Since it was dark I couldn’t tell that it was Andrew until he was close to me.
“I have to fucking piss,” he said and I could tell that he was really, really drunk.
“That way,” I said, pointing behind me.
I thought he was going to keep walking but instead Andrew stopped in front of me and said, “How’s your night going? Are you having fun?”
I nodded. “Mmhm.”
The hallway was small so when Andrew took a step toward me, I took a step back and I was against the wall.
“Think you’re ready for tomorrow?” he asked.
“I am. I think we will be fine. You’ve taught me everything I need to know and how to handle pressure,” I replied. Just because I was drunk didn’t mean I didn’t know the importance of ass kissing.
“Yeah.” Andrew had one hand and forearm resting against the wall on the side of my head and I felt the other hand graze my inner thigh. “I think you are ready too. I’m going to let you take the lead for the tour and only jump in when I need to.”
His hand crept up my thigh. I was wearing a loose floral dress, an oversized cardigan and boots so his hand was on my bare thigh. I couldn’t tell if it was deliberate or if he didn’t realize what he was doing, but I didn’t say anything.
I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this enough, but Andrew is tall and really good looking. He looks like a young Freddie Prinze Jr., but his personality just kind of ruins it. Not that that is an excuse for anything, but just throwing it out there.
“Okay. That sounds good.”
“My biggest piece of advice for you would be that you need to be able to back up everything you say. They’re going to ask why things are the way they are.” He reached my underwear and I felt him gently nudge my vagina with his knuckle.
“Okay, that isn’t a problem.”
“I mean, your sales are good for this store. You don’t have to worry about that. They’re going to want to know why sales are good.” Andrew started rubbing my clit.
I nodded.
“Now your other stores, on the other hand. Those need some attention,” Andrew said in a very Andrew kind of way.
“I know,” I said, trying not to roll my eyes. “I think I need to start looking at the sales teams and making sure we have the best people working for us.”
“That’s a very good place to start, Reese.”
I hate to admit it, but Andrew rubbing my vagina felt really, really good. So I didn’t stop him.
“Do you think you could come up with a game plan for that at the start of next week?” Andrew asked as he pushed my underwear out of the way and finally pushed him finger into me.
My breathing shallowed and I practically whispered, “Yes. I’ll work on it on Monday.”
“I’ll expect you to be ready to speak about it on the conference call. I need some proof that you’re trying to improve your numbers.”
I nodded, trying to maintain eye contact. Really, I wanted to throw my head back and moan and squirm, but I couldn’t do that because apparently we were pretending like this wasn’t happening.
“I have faith in you, Reese. I hired you for a reason, you know.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll get all of my sales up. I want your job one day.”
“Oh really?” Andrew said sounding surprised as he pulled his finger out.
“Yes.”
Just as I said that, Andrew stuck his finger in my mouth – the one that was just inside me. I sucked on his finger using my tongue much more than necessary until he pulled it out and drug it down my chin. I guess since it was already happening, I decided to milk it. I needed Andrew to know how good I am with my mouth.
“I’m going to use the bathroom then head out of here. Important day tomorrow,” he said suddenly.
As soon as he took a step back, I scurried away. I did not want to stick around and discuss the fact that he’d just fingered me. I found Ty and grabbed my drink from him and downed it.
I didn’t see Andrew before I walked with Ty back to the hotel, but when I got undressed and in bed, I got a text.
It said, “Reese.”
I replied, “Yes, Andrew?”
It took him what felt like twenty minutes to respond. He said, “Come to my room. 410.”
I’m not going to lie, I considered it. One thing I don’t know if y’all can tell about me is that I like to tease boys sometimes. And after the way Andrew has treated me since I’ve known him, I would love to get him all riled up then leave him hanging right before the action began. But I wasn’t too drunk to realize that that wasn’t a good idea. Things had already gotten out of hand.
“Why?” I said back.
“Please. I want you in my bed.”
I giggled, enjoying seeing Andrew beg a little too much.
“What do you want to do?” I asked.
“I want to touch you and kiss you.”
A few minutes later, he added, “Please Reese.”
I wanted to say back, “If I do, can I get a raise?” but didn’t know if Andrew would find it as funny as I did.
“Room 410,” Andrew went on.
I was actually visualizing being in bed with Andrew and him being on top of me. I felt a familiar feeling building up in my tummy. Fuck. No! I hate Andrew. I wasn’t supposed to be feeling like this.
Andrew sent another text (“Are you coming?”) before I put my phone on do not disturb and tried to fall asleep.
I woke up on Friday morning with a start. I’d forgotten to set an alarm and we were supposed to meet at the store at eight. Luckily I woke up at six, but I felt like shit. Going out and getting drunk was Andrew’s worst idea yet. I took a long steaming shower to hopefully wash away how gross I felt and then got dressed in a printed shift dress and pumps and threw my hair in a topknot.
Andrew was waiting for me in the lobby and actually looked awake and professional and the exact opposite of his drunken stupor from the night before.
“Did you bring your notes?” he greeted me.
“Yeah.” I patted my bag.
“Okay, let’s go. I want to do a couple of practice run throughs before they get here,” Andrew said and I followed him to the rental.
I couldn’t tell if he was mad or just stressed, but he was pretty quiet. We practiced for a bit and Andrew was back to his regular self and being an asshole to me. The tour went fine. Between Andrew, the manager and me we were able to answer whatever questions the visitors had. It was the two women who interviewed me, the company president and the head of merchandising. They even complimented me and said, “Wow, Reese, you haven’t been here long, but you sure know your stuff.”
I had to resist turning to Andrew to make sure he heard. After they left Andrew said to me, “You pretty good for your first store tour with the bigwigs. I think the practice I did with you this morning helped.”
I rolled my eyes at him trying to take the credit. I knew I did well and didn’t need him telling me. Andrew left to go back to New York City before my flight took off so I hung around the store for a while. Leah texted me asking how it went.
“Good. They liked me and Andrew tried to take all the credit,” I replied.
“Of course. Ty said he was all over everyone last night. I heard he does that all time, he takes all the hot young girls out and tries to get them drunk and hook up with them.”
Wait. Is that what he did? I thought about it; there was me (obviously young and hot), the Tennessee manager (young and pretty hot), her assistants (young and hot), a sales director from a different region (young and hot) and Ty (gay, but hot. He was probably used as a decoy because Andrew couldn’t be too obvious).
I needed to get more information without giving myself away. “Really lol? Does he hook up with a lot of them?”
“Oh yeah. I’m surprised he didn’t try anything with you. If he wasn’t so good at his job I’m sure he would’ve been fired by now. He’s had so many HR calls on him lol.”
I was mortified. So Andrew tried that with everyone and I was the dumb girl who allowed him to? Gross. I’m not even that attracted to him so I don’t know how that got so out of control.
Suddenly I realized that I can’t work for him anymore. Not after that line had been crossed. And not after I found out about his track record. How is he ever going to take my seriously when we’d allowed that to happen? I know I have no right to say this, but I feel taken advantage of. Andrew knows what he’s doing.
I decided that when I got back to Chicago, I would figure out what my options were.
As I was boarding my flight I checked my email and I had a new one from my apartment management company. I had reached out to them a couple of days ago to see about re-signing my lease since I’m not staying with Brady anymore. One of the managers emailed me back and told me that unfortunately all the one bedrooms including mine were all taken for April.
How is that possible? My apartment building is huge, how are there no one bedrooms available? I emailed back saying that. Then I slept the entire flight home. When I landed, I checked to see if she replied and she said something along the lines of: “When you put in your sixty day notice, we rented out your apartment. One bedrooms get rented out very quickly here. Sorry about that, Reese.”
Meaning, I have to move out. And I have less than a month to find somewhere to live. Suddenly I was rethinking all my life decisions. Why did I yell at Brady so he dumped me and now I have nowhere to live? Actually a better question: why did I put in my sixty day notice without making sure Brady was 100% about our relationship? And why didn’t I buy a condo with Mark when I had the chance?
I got to my apartment and cried. I feel like all I do is cry lately. So much in my life is changing and I can’t handle too much change at once. I decided that I need to get my old job back. I know it’s been filled and everything, but I miss my office and the work I did and actually loving my boss. I haven’t spoken a lot with Diana since I left, but I emailed her asking if she is available to meet with me on Monday morning. I hope it’s not too desperate, but I’m going to beg for my old job back.
hot mess in high heels. 
Ugh Andrew sounds like such a creep. So glad you didn’t go to his room, what a dirt bag. When it rains it pours, it sounds like so much is changing for you right now which is super scary but I think you’re going to come out stronger and kicking more ass than ever. Sucks about your place, I have no idea what the market there is like but I hope you find something that you love. Cheers.
thank you. I’m hoping things get better.
Agreed! What a creeper. And no matter how good someone is at their job, they shouldn’t be able to act like he is. Stay far far away from him!
Ah! My heart is pretty much always racing when I read your blog lol. The Andrew situation is unfortunate (been in a similar situation – taken advantage of and while it didn’t go too far, it’s hard to ignore the discomfort) but I don’t think he won’t take you seriously! And if you want to get a different job, maybe you can call Kate or another recruiter and find something better! You’re obviously good at your job and you seem to have excellent leadership abilities! The apartment situation sucks but you’ll find something and get over Brady before you know it!
I seriously don’t think he will take me seriously and the thought of having to work with him again makes me want to vomit.
Oh yes, I totally understand that. It’s hard to explain to people who haven’t been in the situation, but I’ve been in a situation where just seeing my boss everyday made me mentally cringe. Good luck with whatever happens!
You are a mess lately and I mean that in the least judgy way possible. But I don’t get it, why did you let things get that far with Andrew? Was it because of the alcohol? I’m glad you didn’t actually sleep with him.
Do you really think you need to quit, though? Just own your mistake and make the best of a bad decision. From now on no more drinking with Andrew, try to keep things professional. Don’t let him ruin your career. Do you really want to go back to your old job? You wouldn’t be able to get your same position and you want to work with Whitney again? There’s no chance for growth in that company anyway. Maybe see what else is out there?
Like someone said buckle up buttercup. Life is shitty sometimes but you just gotta go with the punches, things will work out.
You can still buy a condo, you might need to crash with one of your friends while the sale finalizes, but the option is still there.
I hope things get better for you soon.
i actually do want to go back to my old job more than anything. this job just isn’t for me, especially after what happened with my boss.
I absolutely agree that you need to get a new job. It sounds hectic and unprofessional through and through and even if you got away with a bit with your old job, it still seemed like a positive work environment where you could grow if you worked harder (which I’m sure you will if you end up getting it back). The moving part is such an inconvenience, but I’m sure you will be able to get a new apartment to rent, or even find a place to buy if you’re ready for that. Maybe contact that realtor you worked with before and see if he has any places that would be appropriate for you?
I know it seems like everything sucks right now, but I’m positive you’ll land on your feet. From my own experience, when things change a ton like this (quitting a job, ending a relationship, etc.) and it seems like your world is falling down, you always come out better on the other side. Even if Diana doesn’t have room for you, I’m sure you’ll be able to get a job with your work experience (and maybe a recommendation from her?). I mentioned it before, but you def need to get away from Andrew. Yea, some of that flirting and whatever was definitely your fault too, but he’s the superior and he shouldn’t have even put you in that position. That’s disgusting and unprofessional and you deserve to be in a work environment where you’re valued as an employee, not just a piece of ass. And if this company has gotten this many HR complaints about Andrew and they choose not to fire him, you don’t want to be a part of it.
Cheer up! You’ll be fine soon enough 🙂
I really want to go back to my old job. I worked hard to get promoted and I really liked what I was doing. plus I love Diana. plus I need to get away from Andrew.
It was clear from the very beginning that Andrew was a sleaze bag. I remember him making sexist comments early on, something about how he doubted that you could be serious about the job because you were an attractive woman. What a manipulative piece of shit. You gotta be more careful, Reese, even if it was totally his fault. You should report him to HR and destroy him.
should I seriously call hr? I don’t want care if he gets in trouble, I just don’t want to have to work with him and he knows I tattled on him.
It sounds like they already know the type of person he is, they might just need someone to come forward so they can have proof to get rid of him.
I still wish you would’ve stopped him, but you didn’t…. is that why you won’t go to HR?
I don’t know. I have mixed feelings. I did something inappropriate with someone under me too once and I never really got in trouble for it. so I feel like I shouldn’t tell on him so he can get in trouble? also, like you said, I didn’t stop him. just because I regret everything now doesn’t mean that I should get him in trouble/fired for something we both did. he didn’t rape me.
But BJ is a man and he pursued you. You were not pursuing Andrew for all he knew you still have a bf.
I have a feeling that you are just wanting to run away from it, instead of dealing with things. Do you really think the relationship would be different? It sounds like he was back to his usual self after the “incident”.
Just think about things with a clear mind. It sounds like you are not making the best of decisions lately, maybe cut back on alcohol? I promise I’m not judging you, like I say we all make mistakes, I’m just trying to give some advice, do with it what you will.
I am running from it. I don’t want to work with Andrew or deal with him at all. like I’m disgusted. even if he acts normal, I don’t know if I can. I would rather not be around him.
It’s not because he’s a man. It’s because he’s in a position of power and he abused it. He’s just going to keep doing this to other girls if he goes unpunished.
I think you should have known better than to give Andrew a lap dance, not stop him when he had his hand on your thigh and when he was feeling you up by the bathroom. Yes he’s a creep but you are partially responsible. You could have said no and stopped the situation from escalating. To the person who said that she should report Andrew to HR….she initiated things. Even Jay mentioned that that is her boss. For future reference, when you are out with colleagues you don’t get shit-faced drunk and grind on your boss.
Why would you want to go back to your old job? One you hated Whitney. Two you found any reason to not work. You took advantage of Diane by hooking up with the intern, hanging out on the internet, not even trying to work with Whitney, and acted quite unprofessionally. Honestly Reese life isn’t perfect. Every time something doesn’t go your way you don’t run away from the situation. You need to be more responsible, stop drinking so much and figure your life out
yeah you’re right. I’m guessing you’ve never been in this situation though? easier said than done Kelly.
I have been in your situation but I knew better than to encourage one of my superiors at work. Instead I kept my distance and maintained a professional relationship. I’ve been to many happy hours with this same person but I didn’t get drunk or tease him. When out with work colleagues you have to be professional and need to know how to act. You’ve acted the same way with Brady’s boss once. You could have stopped Andrew but you did not. Yes he was wrong but you did nothing to stop him. I know you have a lot going on in your life but alcohol will not solve your problems like you’ve seen. I recall a few posts ago you promised to ease up on the drinking. You should consider it.
I did not, the guy I supposedly acted inappropriately with was not Brady’s boss. I have eased up on the drinking, I think.
NOOOOOOOO. Andrew is a sleaze ball. Obviously you participated too, but like previous commenters said, you should never have been put in that position in the first place.
I agree with Luita, I think you should try to just own your mistake and continue working but keep it strictly professional. But I’m not you and I don’t need to work with him, so to be honest, I’d probably be feeling the same way as you. I guess it’s kind of a hard decision what to do here. Good luck girl!
thanks. I just cannot imagine working with him regularly now. ew.
Reese,
I wouldn’t ask for your old job back – Diana is going to see through it and wonder what happened at your current job. I would consider telling her that while you’re doing well at your new job and you feel you could do it, it’s just not going in the direction of where you want your career to go. Or something to that effect. I would then ask her what her thoughts might be, options that are available to you within her company and if there are none, whether or not she can direct you to a company or companies that might be in line with your career path. My feeling is that she is going to smell your desperation from a mile away and immediately, she is going to be suspicious.
Just my two cents!
Loves and hope things get better!!
I really just want old job back though. 😦 how can I do that?
Hey Girl-
First off, I think you know that we all make mistakes and while you made some rough ones over the past few weeks, it will all be okay. I’m sorry things have been so hard recently but I promise everything will get better.
As you know, I have commented a few times and once sent you some super silly emails while I was drunk on a Sunday (because who doesn’t email their fav bloggers while drunk on a Sunday).
I get how hard your job is right now and I get that working with Andrew is immensely uncomfortable. I am super proud of you for emailing Diana. I do not, however, think you should ask for your job back. You have had this new for 2 months, 3 months? I think you need to get closer to a year. I appreciate that is going to be incredibly incredibly uncomfortable, but it will look a lot better for you. I know it sounds hard but before you know it five or six months will have passed and you will be close enough to a year to begin really looking.
I do think you should approach Diana as a mentor. I think it is super fair for you to sit down with her and say that you aren’t loving your new position. Tell her that you are working super hard and you are really impressed by how much you have been able to expand your skill-set. Emphasize that you really want to continue pushing yourself, but aren’t sure this is exactly the role you want in the long-term. Ask her to help you brainstorm potential paths for your career and how you might get there. What skill-sets do you need to gain? Are there specific industries or roles that aspire you? Where do you want to be in 5 years or 10 years? Let Diana help you, as a mentor, to think this through.
If Diana mentions specific jobs, industries, or companies that you find interesting, ask her how you might network with people in those industries. Read up on the industries, see if she can introduce you to people and then invite them to coffee, ask them for further connections, follow-up and build your network. Eventually, you will figure out exactly where you want to be and can target that specific industry and skill-set.
Here is why I think this is the best approach:
– Diana will be curious why you are leaving. Also, when you left your job with her she was excited that you were pushing yourself so you will seem like you are giving up. She already likes her and having a mentor like her will help you so much over time.
– Andrew isn’t going to report you nor will be ever fire you because you could get him in so so much trouble. You are safe.
– You don’t want a choppy resume so if you flip between jobs too frequently it won’t look great. I know you were with Diana for awhile but you want to ensure that your next job is a place or at least an industry where you can really stay and grow for awhile.
You can just think of it as using Andrew & this job as an opportunity to grow your skill-set and show a diverse set of experiences so that when you find your dream job, you are ready. In the back of your mind, just keep thinking that you are networking and taking proactive steps to get out of this job when the perfect opportunity arises.
You will be okay. I know this is so hard and there is so much on your plate. Traveling all the time also sucks. I am an ex-consultant and hated it. You will be super okay. I promise, but stick this out. Hang in there. Everyone makes mistakes. xoxooxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
thanks. I know I should probably try to stick it out, but I really don’t want to have to continue to work with Andrew. I LOVED my job before (and working this job has made me realize how much I liked my job) and while I do like this job, it’s not what I want to be doing and i don’t think Andrew is a positive mentor for me to have. I don’t look forward to seeing him (in fact, I dread it when he’s in town) and I’m afraid to ask him questions. it shouldn’t be like that.
Reese, you need to ease up on the alcohol. Clearly when you’re drunk you don’t think straight and act very inappropriately. Am I the only one who doesn’t buy that you were clueless to Andrew’s intentions. From the dancing, to him slapping your ass and then you giving him a lap dance to get your freak on – how could you perceive this as innocent fun? After the lap dance he grabbed your hand and made you feel how hard he was. Your reaction was to giggle instead of nipping it in the bud. I’m not even going to get into what happened by the bathroom. Andrew made his intentions clear and you went along. Is that grounds for sexual harassment? No simply because in the moment you encouraged his behavior and went along with it. The only time you got upset was when you found out you weren’t the first woman he tried this with. Leah seems like a big time gossip. I’d steer away from her and not get too close. Who knows if what she’s telling you is even 100% true? She seems like the type that will stir the pot and play both sides. Learn from your past mistakes and don’t get caught up in work drama.
I thought it was innocent because he was dancing with everyone was all over everyone, not just me. I said that. I was upset when Leah told me he does it all the time because to me, that means he knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s a predator.
Did he slap all of the other women’s asses on the dance floor? Were other women giving him lap dances? Did he grab their hands and make them feel how hard he was? From Ty’s reaction you should have realized that both you and Andrew were behaving inappropriately. I just can’t grasp how you would think all of this is innocent fun. If my boss smacked my ass or was grabbing my hips on the dance floor, I’d stop him and leave and then make a formal complaint not compound the situation. You need to become more aware of what type of behavior is acceptable in work settings and outings. While Andrew might have had a motive you played into it. You can’t blame him 100% when you did nothing but encourage him. Once he made you feel how hard he was you should have realized what he was up to. Innocent fun is having a few drinks, joking around not bumping and grinding on your boss and then giving him a lap dance.
I’m not blaming him 100%. I never did. I understand that I took part in this and that’s why I am not going to report or take any action against him. But as a result, I would rather not work with him. he was all over EVERYONE, just like I said and like Ty told Leah.
It’s like you were waiting for Brady to break up with you so could be really slutty.
Slut shamers are the worst! It must be the self righteous talking.
What’s up with using words like that?? If a girl wants to shake her butt with every guy in a club then that’s what she wants to do. If a girl doesn’t want to shake her butt with every guy in a club then that’s what she WANTS to do. Why do women feel the need to label others. if you don’t approve her behavior then don’t do it, but there is no reason to be calling her names. What does it do? What does it solve? Nothing, but make you look like an ass
Andrew is in a position of power and he has no respect for his employer, his position or his team. If he did he would have ended the night at dinner. To go out drinking with your team and to pay for it is beyond inappropriate. You dancing on him and his “coaching session” by the bathroom could be viewed as sexual harrssement. You also have subordinates and peers who are most likely gossiping behind your back about your relationship with Andrew. To top it off he asks you to come to his room for sex…. all on a work trip. OMG!!!! Although you shouldn’t have engaged this behavior, as your superior he shouldn’t have put you in that position. It is such poor leadership and has now compromised your position with the company. Talk yo HR and forward those texts, that’s not something they can ignore.
I bet people are gossiping. it truly sucks.
They might for a few weeks but no one actually saw it, right? Just don’t worry. Don’t run from it. Be brave. You can last a few weeks, it will be okay.
Just focus on getting through tomorrow and getting through this week. One day at a time. Even when its hell, don’t give in to the rash desire to quit on the spot. Deep breaths. I haven’t hooked up with anyone from work or anything, but I know how tempting it can be sometimes to just quit.
Unfortunately, even if you get another job soon, you will have to deal with Andrew until this happens. Andrew has been asking inappropriate questions about your personal life for some time now. He pries about your relationship and is coy even though you know Leah told him you broke up. He is smart enough to know you are vulnerable because of your breakup so he tells you HE broke up and plies you with alcohol to try and lure you into a hookup. He is a sexual predator and you should at least start a journal of what happened, when it happened and where it happened. Dates, times, places, etc. Leave nothing out, including sly innuendos, etc. This list of specifics is what HR would want in any case and if it does get too hard to handle before you can get out of there, you will be armed and ready to go to HR if you decide you need to. You will have options.
As to all the thoughts on alcohol, I would say at the least that you don’t go out with Andrew anymore, don’t drink around him at all. He will not stop trying to get you in some way; his type never does. You have a Hell of a lot on your plate right now and by at least being ready to go to HR if you need to it will give you a measure of control from this situation.
All I can add is hang in there, and deal with each situation systematically (job, apartment) and you will get through this. If nothing else, Diana may have a lead on another job even if your old job is not available. I hear what someone else said about a choppy resume, but these things do happen in the course of careers. I got full on fired once after a short time on a job and I came through it. You can, too. Choppy resume or not, it sounds like you don’t feel safe where you are and that is the most important thing to fix right now.
I actually agree with this totally. The 1st time I read the post it seemed more like a drunken mistake but this time it seems more like Andrew is a predator.
I’d still encourage you to take things slowely with Diana and frame it as you wanting to further your career but networking isn’t a bad idea at all. Safety is important.
Could they switch your region? I realize this might mean you have to move but the people in NY loved you on Friday so maybe you could convince them?
I agree with this, too. I didn’t read as much into it the first time, but I really think you’re right, and that makes it sooooo much worse and creepier.
From the start, I could tell Andrew wanted to try with you. But wouldn’t think he would try with everyone. What an idiot!
those people who are shaming you, haven’t really been in your situation.
I think you should probably find a new job you love, I mean if you really loved your old job you would stay, no? Rather than leave it for a new one.. You could miss the comfort of it but yeah, look for something new that you will really love. 🙂
http://www.elinainlondon.com
The fact that this is real life and not fiction blows my mind! The fact that I have nothing positive to say about this post pretty much sums it up. Fun reading your blog though, very entertaining kind of like reality t.v. drama thats not mine.
Reese,
I’ve been reading for awhile now. I don’t judge. I’ve made some crazy choices and mistakes in my life that have all ended up leading me to be the person I should be. That being said, I work for a women’s shelter. I spend my days making sure adults and teens understand the signs of dating violence, domestic violence, sexual assault, etc. Andrew is absolutely a predator. And to all you women saying that Reese’s behavior brought Andrews unwanted attention on, what is wrong with you?! We fight daily to change this view of rape culture and victim blaming for women only to have it perpetuated BY women? This is absurd. Reese, the fact that you were drinking, or dancing a certain way or even speaking to Andrew was in NO way a sign for him to do whatever he pleases to you. I truly think that whether you leave or not, you should report this to HR. He will continue to prey on women the more his acts get ignored. One day he will take it too far and someone will get seriously hurt. You are in no way to blame. I do think you need to think long and hard about your job situation. I don’t think you’ve ever really liked this job and that you were kind of mislead as to what you would be doing exactly. We can’t go back, only forward. I agree with talking to Diana as a mentor and getting a sense of what path your career should be taking. If she has space for you, talk about it. If not, go from there. I also think maybe you should really take some time for yourself. Just to think about where you want your life to go from here. Give yourself a moment to get upset and then buckle down and make some decisions. Only YOU truly know what’s best for you. Good luck hon!
thank you. while I agree that just because I’m acting a certain way doesn’t mean Andrew has the right to any part of my body, but I don’t want to play the victim here. I didn’t stop him and I even mentioned that I kind of enjoyed it. so just because I now regret it I don’t think I should suddenly call HR for an act we both participated in.
So I am going to preface this comment by saying that I love your blog and have seen a major change in you with regards to your maturity level and yourself as a whole.
With that said, while I don’t necessarily think Andrew is a predator, he is definitely a sleazebag. And as the person in charge, he should have never behaved in the manner he did. BUT, you did the exact same thing with BJ that Andrew did with you. You were in a position of power, you flirted with and acted completely inappropriate with BJ, then you got drunk and had sex with him, and yet nobody is calling you a predator. That’s quite the double standard, in my opinion. And BJ was the one that got transferred, when you were the one that should have gotten into trouble. I feel like you should have learned from the BJ mistake and when you realized the type of guy Andrew is, you should have done everything in your power to keep things on a strictly professional level.
At no point during the night with Andrew did you tell him “no”. andrew did what most guys would have done in that situation: he had a hot girl that showed interest in him and encouraged him throughout the evening, he saw an opportunity to hook up with said hot girl and he took it. He didn’t roofie you, didn’t threaten your job if you chose not to hook up with him, and didn’t hold you down and force himself on you. You let him do what he did without voicing any objections. All of your actions throughout the night pointed at consent. You need to own your mistake, learn from it this time, and move on. I don’t think running away from the problem is the right answer. I think you should sit down with Andrew, and maybe have one of your friends within earshot just in case, and tell him that the other night was a mistake, that you both made some bad decisions, but that you don’t want to let it get in the way of your professional relationship and that from now on you won’t be joining him (and anyone else from the stores) in getting shitfaced. And then I would Segway into the conversation about how he treats you and that even before the other night you haven’t been comfortable asking him questions because of how condescending and rude he is towards you.
I really hope that this comment doesn’t sound judgy. It truly is not meant in that way at all. Everyone makes mistakes, it’s what makes us human. It’s how we make changes so the same mistakes don’t keep happening that really matters.
-Ashley