I never really get on Facebook anymore. I check it maybe 2-3 times a week because I can’t stand all the stupid statuses and complaining and controversy. I want to delete it, but I have some people to spy on so I don’t.

Anyway, I changed my Facebook profile picture on Sunday night to a cute picture of me and Brady. I didn’t log on again until Wednesday evening before I left work. I had a bunch of notifications (people liking my pictures, commenting, birthday announcements – by the way, why does Facebook notify me of people’s birthdays? I don’t care) and a message. From Jessica (For those of you just joining us, Jessica is Brady’s coworker who gave him a BJ once. Since then she’s been like my arch nemesis, but I honestly forgot all about her).

I had no idea why she would possibly be messaging me, but my first thought was that she wanted to apologize for being a whore. Yeah right.

I opened it and found a picture. Jessica sent me a fucking picture of my boyfriend. It was of him putting his shirt on, but you could see his face and bare torso. It kind of looked like he was standing in front of his bed and the picture was taken by someone laying in the bed. A few hours after she sent the picture she sent a single smiley face.

If I had any doubt what the picture meant, the smiley confirmed it. He was getting dressed and she was laying in the bed. Obviously they had just engaged in some sort of sexual relations. I felt my lunch creeping back up.

For a full minute I couldn’t decide whether I was going to reply to Jessica and ask why the fuck she sent me that picture or if I was going to confront/murder Brady. I stared at the picture and determined that I was not about to give Jessica the satisfaction of knowing she upset me. Brady had to die.

I texted Brady, “Where are you?” while I drove to his house. He replied that he was on his way home and did I need anything? I told him no. I don’t even know what was going through my head. When did this happen? Did they actually have sex? Was the picture even real?

Luckily, I only had to wait a few minutes for Brady to get home after I got there. I met him at the door and I think I said something along the lines of, “Well, look what I received today.”

I shoved my phone in Brady’s face so he could see the message Jessica sent me. He had his laptop bag and keys in his hands and I didn’t give him to opportunity to even put it down.

I watched as Brady looked at my phone, saw the picture, studied it and form a very subtle look of confusion and then alarm. He looked back at me blankly.

“What is this?” I demanded.

Brady stared at me and didn’t say anything.

“What is this?!” I asked again, this time raising my voice even higher.

“It was while we were broken up,” he finally spoke up.

“Did you have sex with her?”

Brady did not break eye contact as he said, “Yes.”

I actually laughed. It was all so ridiculous.

“Seriously? Out of all the women on the planet, you decide to fuck this one? Are you fucking kidding me, Brady? You’re so fucking stupid!”

Normally when I yell at Brady, he looks down and turns red, but he was actually maintaining eye contact with me like he was going to own up to what he did.

“So you broke up with me so you could be free to have sex with this chick?” I asked, holding my phone in his face again.

“No.”

“Tell me exactly what happened.”

“I, uh… She came over one night…after the bar. And it just happened.”

“Did she spend the night?”

Brady looked confused like he didn’t know how to answer that.

“Did she fucking wake up here?” I rephrased.

“Uhh… Yeah.”

“Did you cuddle with her?”

“I can’t remember. No, I don’t think so.”

“Did you use a condom?”

“Of course I did.”

I thought about Jessica being at Brady’s house, in his room and in his bed. I thought about them kissing and whatever else they had to do to before actual intercourse. I thought about her huge tits. Ew. Ew.

“You’re fucking disgusting,” I said and shoved Brady as hard as I could. I expected him to stumble back and drop all of his things and for it all to be very dramatic, but he didn’t budge which pissed me off even more.

He didn’t say anything. He didn’t apologize or try to explain himself at all. He just looked at me.

“If you hooked up with anyone else, I wouldn’t care, but it had to be her. After everything that happened, why would you fucking have sex with her? Of course I would find out!” I screamed.

Brady rubbed his eye with the hand his keys were in and I smacked his keys down and they made a loud clatter as they hit the hard wood. “Say something, you coward.”

“What is there to say? It was incredibly stupid of me to let that happen with her,” Brady finally said.

“I hate you,” I stated and then I left. I stopped by Sephora on my way home and picked up a ton of makeup and perfume to make me feel better. When I got home I had a few texts from Brady.

“I’m sorry. I’m an idiot. This is all my fault and I deserved everything you said.”

“I’m not going to make excuses. It was stupid and selfish. I didn’t intend to hurt you.”

“I completely understand if you never want to talk to me or see me again but please don’t hate me.”

I rolled my eyes. Whatever. Every time he fucked up it was the same spiel. So I ignored him and went to the gym. Two hours later I checked my phone and found more texts.

“I’m sorry for letting that happen. I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have done it and I should have told you right away.”

“I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I love you. I hope you know that.”

I didn’t ever respond to his texts, but I was up all night trying to figure out if I had any right to be mad or not. He said we were broken up when it happened so I guess I really can’t say anything. Especially since I hooked up with someone else too. Jessica though? That’s like a slap in the face. He knows how I feel about her. He had to have known I would find out. 

I woke up at around 5:30 and couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to go see Brady before he went to work. I stopped and got donuts (mostly because I wanted one) then I let myself in.

“Hi,” I said loudly when I walked in. I found Brady walking out of his room into the hallway. He was already completely dressed for work and looked at me cautiously. “I brought donuts!”

“Oh. Thank you,” he said.

I walked to the kitchen and he followed me. As I pulled our donuts out of the bag, I said, “Glazed for you and chocolate sprinkles for me. Are you leaving soon?”

“Maybe in fifteen minutes or so. What are you doing up so early?” Brady asked.

As if he didn’t know I was up all night picturing him having sex with Jessica and wondering what positions they did. I shrugged. “I couldn’t stop thinking about donuts.”

Brady didn’t bring up last night and neither did I because I kind of wanted to forget about it and I kind of just wanted to see how long it would take him to man up and apologize to my face. When it was time for Brady to leave for work, I told him I was going to stay and finish getting ready at his place. He said okay and leaned in to hug and kiss me.

I pushed him away and said, “Don’t kiss me, I don’t know where your lips have been.”

I could tell this kind of hurt his feelings, but he quickly tried not to show it. He said, “Okay.”

So I don’t know. I know I can’t be mad or upset, but I am. I feel betrayed and gross. I think mostly I’m just pissed that Jessica sent me that picture and smiley basically rubbing in my face that they slept together. I guess I kind of asked for it, but still. It’s fucking embarrassing. And I feel like she showed me the picture because she saw how happy Brady and I look in my new profile picture. She obviously just wanted to stir up some drama and while I don’t want to let her do that, she did.

I don’t even know how I feel right now. I feel like Brady doesn’t value our relationship at all. And now I feel like I don’t even want to be with him anymore. But when I think of not being with him I get really sad and want to cry. Like, I miss him so much when I’m not with him. Even now after I found this out. And I don’t want Jessica to think that she can actually break us. I kind of wish I would have never gotten in a relationship. This blows.