Going back to work on Monday was so hard. I hardly even thought about work at all on my break and as soon as I walked in the office I started hating my life again. One of the first people I saw was Dale. I’d stopped at Starbs on the way to work and gotten an extra pastry because I was feeling piggish, but when I saw Dale I decided to give it to him.
“Hey Dale!” I chirped. “I brought you something!”
He took the bag from me and peeked in. “Oh, a scone? I don’t like those.” Then handed the bag back to me.
Like, how ungrateful can you be? I ended up throwing the stupid thing away because I was so annoyed.
Stacey called in sick, again. I asked Luke what her problem is.
“I think she has another job interview,” he informed me.
“That’s like, not okay. She can’t just do that,”
I said.
“Well, what should she do then?” Luke snapped.
“Schedule them for a time she’s not working obviously!”
“That’s a little bit hard when she’s always working,” Luke said, matter-of-factly.
“I literally don’t even care. Hopefully she gets a new job soon,” I said and we dropped it.
Preston texted me on Monday.
“Carly’s ring? U G L Y,” he said.
“That’s mean,” I replied. “I think it’s cute for her.”
“The green though? It looks like phlegm,” he continued.
I didn’t respond.
“Do you think she’s pregnant?” he asked.
“No. Idk. I haven’t thought about it. Why?” I said.
“I just feel like it happened out of nowhere. Why are they suddenly wanting to get married? She’s totally pregnant.”
I thought about it and remembered that Carly was taking shots with us on NYE so she can’t be pregnant. I told Preston this. He still believed his theory that she’s pregnant and they are rushing. Whatever.
I go to this deli by the office that I go to all the time sometimes for lunch. I went for lunch on Tuesday and ended up next to this guy at the salad bar. He struck up a conversation with me by saying he loves coming to this place when he’s in Chicago.
So of course I’m like, “Oh, where are you from?”
He smiled and said, “Guess.”
I detected a bit of an accent, maybe European so I figured it must be somewhere over there. He was pretty tall and muscular, bald but had a bit of a 5 o’clock shadow, and green eyes. He wasn’t even hot, he was sexy.
“Um, Greece?” I guessed.
He looked surprised. “Really? I’ve never heard that one. I’m from Jordan.”
I said, “Oohhh,” and nodded.
“Do you even know where that is?” he asked.
Busted.
I smiled. “Over there somewhere.”
“Six thousand miles away. I come here once a month,” he told me.
I asked why and we proceeded to have a kind of flirty conversation (him inviting me to Jordan, offering to show me around, me smiling coyly) while building our salads. A little blonde girl wearing a beanie came and stood in between with two sandwiches on her plate.
“I’m going to pay and sit down,” she told him.
He said goodbye to me and the two went on their way. I paid for my meal and sat down a few tables away from them. I didn’t think anything of it and ate my food while doing some work. A little while later, the guy leaned over his table to talk to me. The girl was gone.
“Hey!” he said. “Just so you know, we are not together. She is not my girlfriend.”
I gave him a weird look. “Um, okay. I don’t care if she is.”
He leaned back into his seat. “Okay. I just wanted to let you know.”
Guys are real dicks.
When I got home I started looking at recipes to make for dinner on Pinterest. I wasn’t in the mood for anything and definitely wasn’t in the mood to go anywhere so I texted Brady asking him to bring something home. He ended up getting tacos (Taco Tuesday, hello!) and we sat in the dining room eating them.
We talked about Carly and Chris again. Carly had texted me during the day asking if I had any ideas for venues (they are getting married in Chicago). I asked him if he had any ideas and if he wanted to get married in a church because there’s a really beautiful church in Houston that I’ve always wanted to get married in. Of course, Brady started clamming up and getting all quiet which I find annoying.
“You know, if we get engaged we don’t have to get married right away. Some people have engagements as long as two or three years,” I said just to make him feel better. I will never stay engaged for that long.
Brady nodded.
“So yeah.”
And then Brady dropped a motherfucking bombshell on me. Without looking up he said, “I don’t even know if I want to get married at all.”
“Wait, what?” I exclaimed.
“It’s not you. I just don’t really see the point.”
“Brady!” I have never, ever heard Brady say that he has no interest in getting married at all. I know he gets all weird and doesn’t like to talk about it, but he’s never flat out said he doesn’t want to. “Where is this coming from?”
He shrugged, still not looking up at me. “I don’t know. It just seems pointless to me. If two people love each other, what is marriage going to change? If anything it makes it more complicated.”
“So if we are together for – I don’t know – fifteen years, unmarried, and one day you decide to just up and leave, you think it’s fine not to have consequences? You don’t have to pay? You can just leave?” I said.
Brady finally looked up at me. “Is that what it’s about for you?”
“No, but I think that would be really shitty.”
“I think it’s even more shitty to stay in a marriage because no one wants to deal with the consequences,” Brady pointed out.
I didn’t say anything. I felt tears forming. He’s kind of right. I don’t even really believe in divorce (because once you’re married, you’re married for life), so how awful and miserable would it be to stay in a marriage because I don’t believe in divorce?
“I just see how messy it can get. I don’t want that,” he said.
“I don’t either!” I exclaimed. “Who does? And who goes into a marriage thinking so negatively? Of course it’s going to fail if you think it will.”
“That’s not what I meant.”
“I can’t believe you’re just now saying this. You know how much I want to get married. To you.”
“I’m sorry. I’m not ruling it out. I just-” Brady started, but I cut him off because I literally just couldn’t.
“Honestly, it’s fine. I don’t even care.”
We finished our food and I cleaned and did laundry and avoided the bedroom where Brady was. When I finally got in bed, he tried fooling around which is crazy because we hardly ever even have sex anymore. Maybe like once a week. So I pushed him off and told him that I was tired.
So I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t be mad at him and I’m not, but I feel like I’m wasting my time. I want to move out. Not even to be dramatic – I just need space. And Brady has been being super nice today. He made me breakfast before he went to work, called me on a break just to talk and even asked if I wanted him to get me tickets to Coachella. I’m working from home today so I haven’t left the bed. If I move out do I get to take Tucker?
I know Brady isn’t perfect or anything like that, that’s not what I meant in my last post. But as far as I know, he doesn’t snoop or go through my phone or messages which I’m totally guilty of. Not only that, I had no reason to do it and didn’t even find anything incriminating. I feel bad about it. I don’t think Brady would invade my privacy like that and it’s really sad that I would do it to him. And also that I would lie about sleeping at Lexi’s and accept a really expensive gift from a man. I would kill him if he did any of that to me. Speaking of which, I have the Louis Vuitton bag hidden in my trunk. If Brady sees it he will accuse me of shopping and spending too much money (now I’m depressed so I actually am shopping) and if I tell him where it really came from he will think Marco and I have something going on. Which we don’t. Does anyone want a new Louie bag?
hot mess in high heels. 
One of the things that my old shrink told me that pissed me off the most was, “women want to get married because they’ve found the right guy and men want to get married because they’ve hit the point in their lives where they feel like it’s the right thing to do, if they’re with someone they like enough.” I think men tend to see it as more of a milestone in life than a milestone in a relationship, does that make sense?
Get some space and have some fab Reese time. Sometimes alone time can make such a huge difference!
honestly it sounds like your shrink is probably right. Brady is 28, isn’t it the right thing to do at his age?!
Dude no, if a guy gets to that point in his life he won’t just marry any girl at least Brady won’t. He may not be genuinely ready. My boyfriend is now 37 (I’m 26) and we dated for a while and I knew he was the one and he wasn’t ready and we broke up and then when he realized he was ready from seeing friends move forward with their lives, that he fought for me back. Now we live together, rarely fight and went ring shopping on Sunday. Giving him space could be the best thing, let him realize what he has with you. If he misses you and wants you to move back in and move forward with the relationship great if not, you’ve regained some independence, you’ve wasted less time, and don’t have to worry about a quick move into an apartment you don’t want. Space is good for you guys, a guy (atleast in my experience) won’t just marry any girl and you Reese aren’t just any girl I’m sorry Brady is slow moving to put a rock on ya, Ben and I have been back together for two years (together 8 months before that) and he’s just now looking at rings. Hang in there girl! I’m sure he’ll change his mind!
maybe I should distance myself! I love living with Brady, but maybe the commenter who said he’s getting all the benefits of having a wife with the title is right.
I’ll take the purse. If you need space girl take it… but maybe like a long weekend with girlfriends or a visit home to clear your mind before moving all the way out. Don’t make any impulsive decisions just process for a few minutes .
you’re right, I’ve been wanting to take a vacation anyway!
Oh my gosh! I am literally in shock over what Brady said – I can’t believe he feels that way and has not mentioned it before. I agree with Trish to take some time to process things but I don’t know…this could be a deal breaker unless you are ok staying the course to see if he changes his mind. Sending you big hugs girl!
As for the purse, back in the day before I was married with kids, I bought designer purses all the time. Once I gave a silver Gucci purse to a girl working at the Starbucks that I always went to – I would see her everyday and she loved that purse, so when I was done with it, I gave it to her and it really seemed to make her day!
that’s the thing, I don’t know if it’s a deal breaker. I can’t even believe that I’m reacting like this because I didn’t realize it meant so much to me. aww, such a cute story about the Gucci purse. I know there’s a girl who wants it and deserves it more than I do!
Tell Marco the gift is really making you feel uncomfortable. Let him know you’d like him to take back and if he refuses that you’ll be returning it and gifting the money to charity.
Agreed!!
Sell the purse or give it back to Marco. I wonder if you look in his phone HOPING to find something. Something about the way things are going has me thinking that you are looking for an out. You cannot be happy if you aren’t able to be honest with him. If you move out, do it for you and NOT because you hope he’ll come chasing after you.
I feel like I am looking to find something when I look through Brady’s messages. is that bad? I have no other reason to do it. I don’t think I’m necessarily looking for an out but I do think I was looking for a reason to trust him. which I felt like I did more after not finding anything.
Well, at the very heart of it, it means that you don’t trust him. And if you don’t trust him, I couldn’t imagine thinking about marrying him. But, not to get all “psychologist” on you, is the looking for something maybe projection on your part? You say that you feel guilty about some of the things you do; maybe you think it would make you feel better if you caught him doing something that you think he should feel guilty about?
Either way, I would think about figuring out how you want to live your life. Continuing with the flirting, the getting blackout drunk and finding out the next day what you did the prior night via FB pictures and lying to your boyfriend or not having a boyfriend, doing those things and not feeling guilty about them. (God, that sounded harsh but I didn’t mean it to, it’s simply what happened this latest time.) If you want to keep partying hard the way you do, you need to either be single or find someone who is totally okay with you the way you are. Brady might be okay with you now, but you don’t seem to think he is. Hence, the lying.
Ouch. Sorry to hear that Brady isn’t interested in getting married… But maybe you’re putting too much focus on marriage being an end goal. I think you need to focus on improving your relationship first. Or like Elbermont mentioned, maybe over time Brady will become interested in getting married. There are some things that you should consider though, does marriage have to be the end goal for your relationship? Would you still stay with him even if marriage is no longer possible? I do think if your relationship with Brady improved maybe he’ll be okay with getting married because of how important it is for you. Maybe you should set a timeline such as; if after 3 years Brady still hasn’t changed his mind on marriage then you should leave the relationship and find someone else. (Only if marriage is more important for you). Your reply to Brady about why you want to get married was honestly horrible… mainly the part about having consequences for divorcing and someone having to pay. I hope that’s not why you want to get married
As for the purse from Marco, I know it’s a bad idea to tell Brady about it because he might get mad…but I’m all for honesty and open communication in a relationship. Brady should know you two are just friends and that there’s nothing inappropriate going on but it would be sketchy if he found out later on himself where that purse came from. I think you would be better off returning the gift to Marco and tell him it’s too expensive of a gift to accept from a friend. Just in case he sees you again sometime and asks you about it.
In regards to the snooping, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with looking through your significant other’s phone.I do the same thing but my boyfriend knows that I go through it and I allow him to do the same. I don’t think you need to be all secretive and feel guilty about it. If anything you could try asking Brady in the most innocent and random manner possible, if you could look through his phone. If he lets you then that should be an all clear for all future snooping lol
Oh and you should have let Brady finish what he was saying. He’s finally opening up and telling you what he wants especially in the relationship. You assumed you two had the same idea especially about marriage, but now that he’s telling you what he actually wants/plans you cut him off. It may be difficult but try having the conversation with him again, see what his full thoughts on the relationship is
I know, a lot of our communication problems are my own fault.
I think in any relationship as you get older, marriage is the end goal. for me and all of my friends anyway. but I do love him and can’t imagine my life without him. I’m kind of traditional in that I want to get married then have a family so I need someone I can do that with. and I think n my comment when Brady said he didnt want to get married came out wrong. even he was shocked that I would say that. of course I don’t want to get married for money or anything like that (I have my own money) and would even sign a prenup or whatever. totally came out wrong.
Me and my bf broke up for this exact same thing.. he wanted marriage and I didn’t. The only thing that really sucks about it all is that we really do still love each other but we are equally as stubborn. Communication is the most important thing.. I know Brady might not open up very freely, but you need to find ways to get him talking.
I can’t believe you didn’t want to get married! would you change your mind?
I definitely would. It’s just not something I see in my life at the moment. But I do think that if we were able to express our feelings and except each other’s it would have worked out…
Why do women HAVE to want marriage?
Why do women HAVE to want to get married??
It sucks that Brady has never mentioned this any of the other times you’ve talked about marriage. I just got engaged three weeks ago, but I’ve been with my fiancé for 6 years. He had been married before (he’s 35, I’m almost 29 yikes) and when we first started dating I made it clear I intended to get married someday and have at least one child of my own. We’ve been open about this since the beginning. It’s not fair for Brady to suddenly do a 180 on this.
it’s totally not fair! he’s known how what I want since the beginning.
This should come as no surprise to you. He is surrounded by people with bad marriages i.e. his own parents, his brother, his aunt, even you said your parents marriage is a bit rocky at times. You can’t blame him for not wanting to get married to you especially when you don’t have a solid relationship in the first place. You keep claiming that Brady knows about Marco and I’m curious to know what his reaction was and how you described your friendship with Marco. Please write about that.
You have every right to be mad. You have been dating for more than a year and he knows you want to get married. He should’ve said something when you first started bringing it up.
Take some alone time, if you have to go to a hotel and do some thinking. Why do you want to get married? why do you want to marry him? Does he even want to have kids? Does he think his parents are unhappy and staying in it just because they don’t want to divorce? Your man has some issues and you guys need to talk about them.
Let me play devil’s advocate though, I kind of see why he doesn’t think marriage is necessary. He’s already getting all the benefits of it without having to pay for a big wedding. I can see how he thinks all you need is to feel committed to each other seeing the marriage certificate as just a paper. I believe in marriage don’t get me wrong but I’ve heard many people make that argument.
I do think it has something to do with his parents. they seriously fucked him up. how is he getting all the benefits of marriage already?
He’s getting the benefits of marriage because you and him live together and do everything married couples do without that slip of paper called a marriage license.
I disagree.
and we have had so many conversations about marriage and even children but I have no idea anymore.
Wow normally I cringe during your talks with Brady because I personally can’t stand this guy but reading your post today truly made my heart break. Why would he ever talk to you about engagement and marriage (as he’s done in the past) then all of a sudden tell you he doesn’t want to get married?! That would be a huge deal breaker for me. I’m like you, traditional. And you have made it clear to him that marriage is what you wanted…he could’ve told you more than half a year ago that he didn’t agree with you but he didn’t!! I would be more crushed about that than the fact that he doesn’t want to get married.
And another commenter had said why not give him a timeline. I personally disagree with that for a couple reasons: 1. Marriage is one of those things that you don’t just ‘change your mind’ eventually about. To me it’s kind of like religion or political beliefs…its deep rooted. And 2. Would you really be willing to wait years for him to maybe change his mind?? I don’t think I could. I met my husband at 19 and from the beginning we had talked about marriage and decided that we were on the same page about it.
Lately you’ve put him up on this pedestal and honestly he doesn’t do the same for you. You may not be perfect, Reese, but you have been working on yourself a lot (which is commendable) but Brady is not working on his communication issues at all. Eff that! I know you love him but YOU deserve better. My husband and I had horrible communication issues in the beginning of our relationship and it led to us breaking up for a while because we needed to work on ourselves. Maybe taking some space to really find you again will be beneficial for your relationship.
marriage is important to me obviously and I almost think I would be okay with waiting to see if he changes his mind. maybe not even that, but at least showing him and proving to him that marriage is a wonderful thing, not a bad thing. I think he probably just needs a push. people have commented that he might just have some bad feelings about marriage because of people around him and I think I agree.
I’m sorry but you can’t ‘push’ someone to want marriage. And I’m calling bullshit on the whole thing about people around him having shitty marriages. My parents had a really nasty marriage that ended in a horrible divorce and my mother went on to date a married man (who had no intention of ever leaving his wife even though my mother thought he needed a ‘push’) for several years. And I still got married! I think marriage is all about communication and setting and striving toward common goals. Those are things that you and Brady are lacking in. But Brady has to want to work on it (which it seems like he doesn’t want to since he has shown no communication improvement) while you want things to be better so you’re trying. I don’t know I guess from an outsider’s view it seems to me that you’re wasting your time with him and it’s only going to make you resentful of him in the long run.
sadly you’re probably right.
I think we need to keep in mind that many marriage talks of yours have been when you guys were drunk or high. At least ones you post about. Brady ALWAYS clams up when he’s sober and marriage comes up. And why is it so awful if he doesn’t want to get married? I mean I completely see his point. If marriage is something you need you should get out now. In the end if this is how he really feels, he won’t change his mind and if he does it will be because you made him.
Everyone is bashing Brady here especially about communication. Let’s discuss how Reese lies at every turn! She’s no better in this relationship than he is.
it’s awful because he’s never said this before when he knows that it’s what I want. it’s fine if this is a recent development and he is realizing now that he doesn’t want to, but it isn’t fine if he has been leading me on knowing he’s never wanted to get married. I don’t lie all the time and when I do it’s usually a white lie.
So something I have noticed in your last post and this one, you are finally admitting and accepting the things you do wrong in the relationship. That’s a huge step for you! You didn’t try to justify your snooping like you would have in the past. So I just wanted to point that out and say good job!
So, when I was with my ex I would snoop thru his phone and computer all the time. And at the time, i thought it was because I didn’t trust him, though he had never given me a real reason not to. Now that I’m older I realized I was snooping because I knew there was stuff I was doing that could have been inappropriate behavior and so I was projecting that onto my boyfriend. I think that’s what you’re doing. You do all sorts of stuff that is so inappropriate and that you would kill Brady for doing, and I think you’re starting to feel guilty. So you’re trying to catch Brady doing stuff wrong so that you can use it to justify your behavior.
As for Brady not wanting to get married, don’t wait around and hope he changes his mind. All that will succeed in doing is making you resent him when he doesn’t change his mind. Even tho it will have been your own fault for wasting however many years with him, knowing his stance on marriage, you will still blame him for wasting your time. You guys should talk more about this with your therapist present, that way you can’t interrupt him and he can’t shut down. You have to decide if marriage is important enough to you to stay in your relationship. For me, I don’t necessarily want to get married. The only reason I would want to is for the superficial reasons to have a wedding. But if my partner doesn’t want to get married, then it isn’t that important to me. I’m just as happy becoming legal domestic partners, that way we can have the same benefits as a married couple.
As for Marco and the bag, that whole situation is so inappropriate. You should have never accepted the gift from him, in the first place. And if he was really “just a friend” then you would have introduced him to Brady, rather than being sneaky about it all. Not that I think you’re cheating on Brady with Marco, but the relationship you have with Marco is wrong. And there is a reason you haven’t told Brady about him or introduced them. It seems like you’re staying in your relationship with Brady more because you’re stubborn and want to prove it can work. It doesn’t seem like you really want to be in it. It’s like you like the idea of being in the relationship and the idea of Brady more than you actually like the reality of it.
I’m going to try not to get defensive, but I’m kind of offended by this. I like the idea of the relationship and Brady but don’t actually like the reality… are you kidding? if I just wanted a relationship for show and status I would have found a rich finance guy with no personality to fulfill that. Brady is a fucking piece of work, but I love him and I would never stay with him to prove a point to anyone. I can’t believe you would even say that. obviously y’all have no idea how I feel about him. maybe I haven’t expressed that enough. and I HAVE told Brady about Marco. I’ve said that.
I really did not mean to offend you at all. My opinion is just based off of how I take the things you write. I don’t know you guys in real life, so I obviously don’t have the whole picture. I believe that you love Brady, but in a lot of your posts you sound super unhappy. I’m not going to pretend to know your relationship, because I don’t. I can only go off what I read. From the outside looking in, something is off in your relationship. Like someone else commented on a previous post, the confident and happy Reese from the beginning of your blog is gone.
As for my comment about Marco being a secret, I don’t remember ever reading about you telling Brady about him. My mistake.
Again, I’m sorry for offending you. That was never my intention. I love your blog and have loved reading about your life.
I know you didn’t mean to offend me and that’s why I tried not to get defensive. I’m starting to wonder if all of the hateful comments all this time has torn down my self esteem or if I am unhappy with Brady.
It’s probably a little of both. I wouldn’t say that the comments are necessarily hateful, tho there are definitely ones that are. But I think most of the commenters truly have your best interest at heart. I mean, you share your whole life with us, so it’s like we are a part of your friend group. Except, you share even more stuff with us than you do with your real life friends. And, since we are behind a computer or phone, we are going to be more straight forward with our opinions which can come across as hateful. If you are going to have a blog, you’re going to have to learn to take this critiscm with a grain of salt. Remember that we only see what you want us to, so that’s what we are basing our comments off. Don’t let our comments tear you down. It’s not worth it.
The whole point of you starting your blog was to get feedback on your life and to help you grow as a person. I have been reading from day one and the only time I have really ever seen you get defensive with commenters is when it comes to your relationship with Brady. Even if you are feeling unhappy in your relationship, that’s okay. Everyone goes thru that after a certain point. You have to find a way to reconnect with each other to remind yourselves why you fell in love in the first place. Love takes work. You don’t just fall in love and everything is happily ever after. You have to work every single day to stay in love.
Can I just ask, WHY do you love Brady? You always say you do, but I remember when the therapist asked you that you couldn’t really think of a reason. You said you just did. What exactly makes you love him?
And remember, you are amazing! You are a good person and you deserve the absolute best in life!
I do think most of the commenters have my best interest at heart and y’all have no idea how much your advice means to me. I’m so thankful for it! but the downright hateful comments have made me reevaluate everything and torn me down a lot too. some people comment just to be mean, with nothing constructive to say and it’s hurtful. I do get defensive about my relationship because I know you probably can’t tell you but I really value it. So the reason I love Brady. my past relationships with guys haven’t been good – usually after we hook up the guy won’t want to talk to me because he thinks I’m crazy (valid conclusion) and Brady has accepted me and all my flaws. he’s literally seen me at my worst, encouraged me to do better and not given up on me. so to me that means a lot. furthermore, he lets me complain to him and he always has words of wisdom and never shuts me down. he always listens and we always have so much to talk about. we always have fun together even when we aren’t doing anything and for me that’s hard to find (I get bored easily). I don’t know. he’s just my favorite person in the world to be around. I love your idea about reconnected with each other… I think we both stopped trying and that’s making it tough right now. thanks for your comment!
So I know it probably seemed like I asked you why you loved Brady because I was questioning your feelings. But what I was doing was getting you to write it all out so you can see why you love him. Everytime I have seen someone ask you that, you never know what to say. The answer you just gave me, though, shows your love for him. Maybe make him a nice meal and write him a love letter saying exactly what you just said to me to give him. You tell him you love him on a regular basis, but do you ever tell him why? And I am not passing judgement if you don’t, because we are all guilty of it. We all take our relationships for granted at some point. But I think writing a love letter would be so romantic and it would show Brady how much he means to you.
I feel like you and I are very similar in regards to our personalities. Maybe that’s why my first comment seemed a little harsh, because I see myself in your writing. I have been single for almost 8 years because I didn’t want to be in a relationship just for the sake of it. I’ve dated. I’ve slept around. I’ve been the crazy girl that guys don’t call back. But all of that has helped shape who I am and has also helped me to learn what I want in a relationship. And the biggest thing, is knowing why the other person loves me. Because if they can’t give me a reason, then I end up feeling like they like the idea of me rather than the reality.
I know there are some really mean people that comment. But fuck them. They just want to be unhappy. They are the same commenters that are mean to other bloggers, too.
ah a love letter? so not my style! I’m willing to try something like that though. he tells me why he loves me but you’re right, I don’t tell him why. I never thought about that!
It’s not my style, either. I hate talking about how I feel. My actions should be enough. Unfortunately, that is not always the case. It’s just something to think about to help find the romance in your relationship again.
I don’t usually comment but I have a theory about Brady’s sudden change of heart about marriage…What if he does want to propose but wants it to be a surprise. And since marriage has been coming up a lot lately, he wants to throw her off course? (Like how Chandler did to Monica in ‘Friends’). With the amount of times marriage has come up in the past I just don’t see why he would bring it up all of sudden. Just a theory though
I wish.
hmmm good theory; maybe he is pulling the wool over your eyes; acting like he is opposed so that a proposal would be a bigger surprise. Always makes it more exciting when ur caught off guard!
If the bag is making you feel uncomfortable or guilty, you could sell it and maybe donate the money to a charity – to do with kids or animals?
Honestly, I would be upset if I were you by this bombshell. You have talked to him many times about marriage, and made it no secret that that is where your head is at. He hasn’t said anything like this until now which seems odd. I know marriage really isn’t necessary; I am married and didn’t really FEEL any different after the fact, but in our – and every society for a long time – marriage has just been undertaken as a normal thing, so we all feel pressured to do it. For the right reasons or not. I got married because that just felt like the natural next step when we both felt like we found the person we wanted to spend the rest of our lives with. But it isn’t for everyone, and legal and financial issues can be worked out without it. But based on history, it has always been the natural next step for people; the ultimate commitment that you can make to another person. And let’s face it, weddings are fun and I would wear my wedding dress once a week if I could. It is the prettiest dress I have ever owned.
With so many divorces nowadays, a lot of people have such a jaded view of marriages and weddings, but there are still people who get the fairytale wedding and the fairytale marriage. It isn’t wrong that you want that for yourself. And it isn’t necessarily wrong if he doesn’t want that – but you guys have been together for a long time now and while he seems to have clammed up a few times when the subject came up, he waited a long time to actually say what he thinks/feels.
Hopefully you work it out; you deserve the white or ivory dress and the day of all eyes on you.
thank you for this comment. ❤️
So are you sure that something hasn’t happened recently that’s made Brady feel this way? He’s not great at telling you things so I think it’s possible. Could there be something going on with his parents? I mean, you guys have talked about getting married quite a bit, and I know you always say it’s when you’re drinking, but it was still obvious to Brady that marriage was something you wanted, so I’d think he would have said something before now. If this is truly how he’s always felt, then I think Brady has been incredibly deceitful, because you have made no secret of the fact that you want to get married and he should have been up front about it. Even if all he’s done is omit the fact that he doesn’t want to get married, still deceitful!! You deserve better than that. I think there’s something more to this on his end though.
something probably did happen but I have no idea what. maybe he’s feeling super pressured and it getting freaked out. I could definitely see that. plus he told me he’s afraid of commitment once so I’m sure that’s a huge factor. still sucks for me though.
It does suck for you! I’m just not 100% sold that that’s truly how he feels, and not something he said because of something going on in his head that you don’t know about yet. If it is true, you have every right to be hurt and need some space to think things through.
I wonder if Brady has been afraid to say it because he’s afraid of your reaction. You have a tendency to freak out. I dunno. It’s not just something you decide one day. I bet he’s known it all along and now as things get more serious he HAS to be honest
OF COURSE I would freak out. if he has felt this way from the beginning and told me then everything would be fine.
Wow! That is completely out of left field for Brady to bring up. How has he never mentioned it in the multiple other conversations about getting married?! Maybe he is just feeling extra pressured after Carly & Chris? I don’t think guys talk about marriage as much as girls, but if they do they are probably giving him shit about being the next one in line. It doesn’t seem like either of you are ready for marriage, but to me it seems like for the most part you love being and living with Brady so I don’t think moving out would be the right choice. I vote to take a long vacay and sort out your thoughts, come back and have a serious, long talk with Brady (make brady talk too) about your future, regift the LV bag to Carly for her engagement party and see where you end up.
I agree! and love the idea about gifting the bag to Carly. #bestfriendever
I don’t think you should stay with him in hopes that he changes his mind, like someone above suggested. I think you need to decide if you’re okay with the idea of never getting married. If that’s not something you’re okay with, I think you need to consider moving on. I don’t want children. I never have. When I started dating my ex-husband, I made it very clear that I didn’t want children. He said he was fine with it. When we started talking about getting married, I reminded him that I didn’t want children. He again said he was okay with it. He’s my EX husband, and it’s not solely because I don’t want children, but part of our issues were due to him banking on me changing my mind. I didn’t, and he began to get resentful. Then he would say something, and I’d be pissed because I TOLD him in no uncertain terms that I didn’t want children.
If you think not getting married is a deal breaker, you guys need to have a serious conversation about that. Can you imagine waiting and waiting for him to change his mind, making it a few more years, and realizing he’s not going to? That would be the worst, and it’s not fair to either of you. When someone tells you they don’t want something (it sounds like he’s maybe not sure, or he might have been feeling you out, which is why I think you need to figure out if you’re okay with that idea or not, and then talk to him again), counting on them changing their mind is only going to create resentment and even more pain on both sides.
yikes. okay yeah, that would be really unfair to hope he changes his mind or try to force him to. I think we really need to talk about it more.
Here’s my take…as someone mentioned above the only time you mentioned talking about marriage was when you were both drunk or high. I think Brady feels pressured by you. No offense you do bring up the subject a lot. Back in Florida you practically tried to get him to buy you a ring for crying out loud. I don’t understand why you have pushing the marriage issue when your relationship is beyond flawed.
You guys have major communication issues and whenever Brady tries to open up you’ve shut him down. Second I don’t think there is much trust in this relationship. You feel the need to snoop and try to find dirt on him but yet do not tell him the truth about your actions. I’m glad that you admitted that you know you were wrong. That’s a big step. Third, you act like a single person when you’re out by yourself or with your girlfriends. I get being flattered when a hot guy hits on you but you take it to the next level and start communicating with them. You don’t do this in a relationship. Fourth you have different opinion on money. One of the biggest challenges couples face is finance. You spend like there is no tomorrow and Brady is a saver. You buy material things (even if you have huge credit card bills) to feel better. You have to rein that in. Fifth you and Brady never resolved any issues. You guys have sex and all is well again. Six, I think you two need to resume therapy. Get back to talking about the basics. Seventh, maybe Brady is resentful of the pressure and the manipulation. I mean everything from you moving in to decorating to the male “friends” are on your terms. He has no idea what the deal with Marco is and if he knew so much as you claim then why not tell him about the bag your friend of two weeks got you? And by the way, how can a cop afford an LV bag?
I think you need to figure out why you want to get married. Is it because you want to plan this huge, extravagant wedding? Some women fantasize about the wedding but don’t realize that relationships are hard work. I think Brady might have increased reservations about marriage because he saw the pics that Lexi posted. His reaction, questioning if you spent the might at Lexi’s makes me think he knows the truth. You mention that you guys don’t have sex much anymore which is odd because you don’t go from nonstop sex to virtual nothing overnight. Finally, I think that you moving in with Brady might have made him see you in a different light. Yes he loves and cares for you but he might be beginning to see that there are real issues. You cannot change someone or work on him to change is view on marriage. If this is what you want and he doesn’t then it’s time to move on.
to address all your concerns:
1. we do have major communication issues. I’m trying really hard to eliminate them, but I can’t do it without his help.
2. I trust Brady.
3. I am a naturally flirty person. it’s just the way I am. I let everyone know I have a boyfriend right away (I talk about him so much that it’s annoying) so no one gets the wrong idea. I don’t act single.
4. another thing I’m working on is a better relationship with money. Brady is even helping me. it isn’t going to happen overnight.
5. I know.
6. we have trouble finding time to see the therapist. she is usually booked up on Saturday mornings which is the only time we can go.
7. Brady is a super passive person. he isn’t a decision maker and likes to just go with the flow. if I gave him the opportunity to decorate or choose anything it would never get done. what manipulation are you talking about? and by the way, chicago cops make $75,000 a year.
I want to get married because I LOVE BRADY which I’ve stated over and over. I hardly think someone would make a huge life changing decision like that they don’t want to get married because of a couple of facebook pictures. I agree that it’s odd that we don’t have sex much anymore. it’s been slowly waning down since I moved in. that is all.
I just wanted to make some comments on your post.
1. You are making efforts and that’s great. As a person who also has a problem comminicating feelings (I mean me), let me give you a tactic. I don’t like being ambushed and pressured in a discussion like that. I need time to think, otherwise I panic and i say something I don’t really mean or my mind just goes blank. Ask him a question, and then let him have time to come to you with an answer. An easy, slow conversation.
2. I kinda agree with a poster above about you snooping and stuff, and hoping to find something because u feel guilty about you own actions. I’ve done that plenty.
3. You may tell guys that you have a boyfriend, but you still flirt ALOT. Plus the kissing on the check and the picture of you cleavage? Crashing at a strangers house? That’s what single girls do. Just reel it back some, that’s all.
4. I’m glad you’re making efforts here too. It does seem like you spend alot, and it’s good to think about the future. Anything could happen in the future and you need the money you spent on shopping.
5. Working on the communication will help with this.
6. Just keep trying to see her. Best thing to do.
7. This can be part of your discussions.
thank you. 🙂
Yeah, you do spend a lot. But it’s your money. As long as you pay your bills then it really shouldn’t matter if you like to shop. That being said, for someone like Brady, who is a saver, I can see how your spending could make him nervous. But again, as long as you pay your portion of the bills every month, it’s really none of his business. Especially if he doesn’t want to get married.
yeah, I shouldn’t have to apologize for how I spend my own money especially when we aren’t sharing money.
No offense but why would a man who makes $75k drop one paycheck on a Louis vuitton bag for a woman he is only friends with? It doesn’t make sense. You say that you told Brady about him but what exactly did you say? Did you say that you made friends with a cop and leave it at that or did you mention that you text each other, he flirts with you, etc. I think you and Brady both need to treat each other with respect. Treat each other how you’d like to be treated. Think about your actions and think about how you would feel if the tables were turned.
You can spend your money however your choose. In this economy you never know what tomorrow holds. You speak of having your own money but they you mentioned numerous times how much you have in credit card debt? If you had all this disposable income wouldn’t it make sense to pay your bills outright instead of making monthly payments and paying a crazy amount in interest. Something doesn’t add up.
You’re right you don’t have to apologize for your spending but why throw in the part about sharing finances with Brady. There have been times when you posted about using Brady’s credit card to buy groceries or whatever. Growing up is about being more responsible in all areas of your life. Blowing through cash because you can isn’t the best way to live life. God forbid you lost your job and was unemployed for a long period of time like many Americans, how would you survive?
I think you and Brady need to be honest with each other. What you deem at little white lies aren’t. Ending up passed out at a strangers place and then lying about where you were isn’t a little white lie. Little white lies are telling someone you like their outfit or hair when you don’t because you don’t want to hurt their feelings.
I told Brady that I met him and where I met him and stuff. he knows we text. I do have my own money, but I also have credit cards because I like to shop a lot. that doesn’t mean I don’t have my own money. how is using Brady’s credit card for groceries bad? I do it all the time. it’s a necessity. It’s not like I’m shopping frivolously with it. I do think we have a lot to work on as far as respect, honesty and trust though. totally agree.
I’ve never commented before but this post made me want to… oy. To be honest, I don’t know if Brady is totally against marriage, or just against it with you. Not trying to be mean, it just seems like the vibe he is giving off. After all, when you first started dating, he seemed like he was falling head over heels in love with you, constantly talking about marrying you and planning your dream wedding when you were both drunk. However, and correct me if I’m wrong, he seems to have not mentioned it for a while. I think he is not as happy in the relationship as he used to be (which to a certain level is normal, couples go through funks once the honeymoon phase is over), so now, he feels like getting married wouldn’t bring him any joy. I think you’re putting a bit too much pressure on him when your relationship is not a solid base for a marriage in the first place. You guys NEED to be able to communicate efficiently before you bring up something like marriage… or at least have the motivation and desire to try to change your past behavior, which it doesn’t seem like is the case for him and (to a lesser extent) you.
I do want to say though, that you are growing and maturing so much. You are more culpable for mistakes and more willing to see that you are in the wrong. I wouldn’t say you’ve made a complete 180, but I do see so much growth in how you behave and how you take responsibility for things. Honestly, I feel like both of you are relatively unhappy, but deeply care for each other and unwilling to let your relationship go-if that is enough is a matter for you both to decide.
ouch.
The first part of this is exactly what I was thinking… Not meaning to be hurtful at all, but maybe he does want to get married. Maybe he just doesn’t see himself married to you. I was once in a good relationship with a guy, until he dropped the same line on me. He didn’t know if he ever wanted to get married. 11 months later he was married and baby followed not long after. It was brutal for it to not have been me.
This is definitely a topic the two of you need to explore more together. You’ve been together for long enough now that I think what you see is what you get. I don’t think either of you are going to (or should have to) change at this point.
This and all of this.
First time commenter here:
Speaking from personal experience when a guy says something like that to you after you’ve been together and him for a considerable amount of time and you’re living together it’s not that he’s against marriage it’s he’s against marriage with you; run Reese save yourself further heartbreak.
Speaking from personal experience when I die says that to you after you’ve been together for a considerable amount of time and are living together not to mention your sex life has gone down hill- it’s not that he’s against marriage he is just against marriage to you; Reese it’s time to walk away and save yourself from further heartbreak.
Most of thr comments havr covered everything I wabted to say. Speaking as somepne who doesn’t want to get married I recently ended a relationship with a huy who was probably the love of my lifebevause i know he’s traditional and wants tp get married and only wouldn’t because of me. I thonk it would be unfair to him. And i think that if marriage is importamt to you and you want a traditional family that Brady making you stick around on his terms is unfair to you. But I also call bs on what he said because for a guy who doesn’t want to gey married he sure thinks about it a lot (every time he’s drunk or having sex). I never ever think about marriage, which is why I think he’s just scared or not ready or as sad as this is maybe just doesn’t see it with you even though he loves you. You should talk to him, ask him when thos came up and why he lied to you (didn’t he tell you aftrt the Jessica thing that he wanted to marry you?). If you want to do this and stay you need to ask as many questions to see where he’s coming from and make sure this is what you want because the last thing you want is to me ungappy or unsatisfied down the line or even worse waste all theae years with him only for him tpnfond a girl he wants to marry later when it was hik for you all along. I’m sorry if any of this was harsh but this is really personal to me and Inknow that no amount of push or love could make me change my mind
that’s why I think this is something new that has come up (him not wanting to get married). but we had a really good talk last night and I feel a lot better about everything and even if we do need a break from each other, I think we could make it work.
I feel like so many of these comments on here are saying that you need to change and I think that is unfair. You are who you are and you never pretended to be someone else when you started dating Brady so why should you change to make it last? Ok maybe somethings you do/say can be thought out a bit more. But why is it wrong that you like to use the money you earn to buy things or why is it wrong you have a flirty personality if Brady or a friend is more quiet? IDK…I really think it’s time for some alone Reese time to decide what you really want. Not a trip back home to party – something like a resort or spa to have some quiet time to decide what you want because you have to live with yourself and your choices. Staying with Brady for years is unfair to you, and him not being true to what he wants is unfair to him. Lastly ..just my opinion but giving that bag to Carly is a bad idea 1) if Brady comments how do you reply? 2) are you going to tell her its a regift (not that Im against regifting) 3) what if Marco runs into you, Carly, Brady and comments? I think just giving it back to him is the best. Just my opinion though 🙂 you aren’t a bad person because someone gives you a gift
yes, I do think we need some time apart and I’ve been wanting to take a solo vacation for a while now so this might be the perfect time (where should I go?!) I will never change who I am but I do think I could be a better person and the money thing and the over the top flirting is something I just need to get under control. I’m willing to work on that. thanks. 🙂
PS…I also do think that Brady is either scared because of the horrible marriage examples he sees or it is to throw you off the track. I think a true gauge of his feelings will be how he is with Chris and Carlys wedding. If he gets annoyed with it or thinks its a joke, you may have your answer
So I have another comment 🙂
I think if you and Brady have another chat about this, you need to explain why marriage is important and the benefits of it. For me, marriage is important for practical reasons such as if you were in an accident and wound up in the hospital, Brady wouldn’t be allowed in to see you. If you bought a home together and something happened to one of you, you are on the hook for that joint mortgage, but any insurance or a settlement (if it was a car accident, etc), you wouldn’t be able to claim (unless he has a will or names you beneficiary). His mom is a nut, and if you aren’t married I can guarantee that she will not go down without a fight when it comes to his assets. If he disagrees, help him remember all the comments she’s made about your finances! There are a lot of very practical reasons marriage is important. Im sure other people can come up with a lot of better reasons that what I’ve even come up with, but the truth is, marriage can provide a safety net for you both in the event something happens to one of you. I think you need to research some of these things and have a serious talk. I know emotions are a huge part of this, but Brady is practical and this might give him more to think about.
I think this was the point I was trying to make the other night and it didn’t come out right. but yes yes yes!
You shouldn’t have to talk someone into marrying you.
It’s not about talking someone into it. It’s about the fact that there are valid reasons for getting married besides just romanticism! I’m not suggesting she convince him, but she needs to tell him WHY she wants to get married. If he disagrees then she has to decide what that means for them and their relationship. But I think Reese needs to take some time to put together her thoughts so she can have a conversation that’s not so emotional she can’t get her point across.
Which is why legal, domestic partnership is also an option. You have the same rights as a married couple, just without the marriage title.
oh I would never.
Out of curiosity, exactly how do you and Brady split your bills? Do you contribute at all?
of course I contribute. Brady takes care of all the household expenses and I usually buy food.
“how is using Brady’s credit card for groceries bad? I do it all the time. it’s a necessity.”
“of course I contribute. Brady takes care of all the household expenses and I usually buy food.”
So, no.
so yes.
Which one is it? You buy groceries with Brady’s money? Even if you were buying groceries each month, for two people that would be at most $500.
Brady pays his mortgage, utilities, Internet, water, heat, etc which is a helluva a lot more than groceries. You’re not pulling your weight financially.
I am pulling my weight. he makes WAY more than me.
Those two statements contradict each other. And if you call buying some of the groceries some of the time contributing to the household, it’s no wonder he doesn’t want to marry you. He knows he’ll be taking care of everything/you for the rest of his life. Start acting like his partner by helping out with bills etc. and maybe he will take you seriously.
jeez I don’t see why it matters.
You’re a walking contradiction. You claim to do well financially, have money of your own but then flip flop when it comes to helping out. So because Brady makes more than you you don’t have to contribute much. How about curbing your drinking and shopping and contribute more? Cut the excuses. If you can buy very expensive clothes, shoes, bags, whatever you can contribute more.
who cares
Reese dear relationship should be 50/50 or close to it. You guys aren’t married. You chose to sublet your apartment because you wanted to move to NYC. After all that drama and you finally getting Brady didn’t want to move you had no where to stay. Brady invited you to move in. You should contribute more. You don’t have the burden to pay rent and bills for your own place yet from the sound of it you’re mooching off of your boyfriend. No wonder he’s commented on your spending habits. You use Brady’s credit cards to buy groceries and sometimes spend your own and dont think its a big deal? if you can’t be a 50% partner or close to it because you’d rather shop for yourself what does that show Brady? He’s probably thinking if you get married he’d be supporting you and the comment about being left with nothing if you two never got married is correct.
I will offer to contribute more.
Stand down hyenas! Their monetary situation is none of your concern….
While I can understand the point the above commenters are trying to make, there’s no need to be so vicious. CONSTRUCTIVE criticism, people!
I know that before my boyfriend and I moved in together, he told me he loved me but was scared of moving forward with me because of how I manage money. When you marry someone and put all of your money together, both people have to be on the same page about how it’s spent.
In my case, my bf just wanted to know that I would be able to pay my way and wouldn’t put him at risk. We sat down together and created a monthly budget. We detailed our personal and shared expenses, set up a joint account, and decided how much of our pay checks would go into the account to make it fair. Beyond that, our money was ours to spend. It’s worked out very well so far.
No idea whether this applies to you, but it could be a conversation worth having.
this sounds fair. I don’t see how or why people think we should do 50/50 when our salaries are significantly different.
I don’t think it has to be equal $ wise but maybe % wise. Instead of you each paying exactly half, you could each put say 30% of each of your salaries toward the mortgage etc. and obviously adjust according to how much the bills are. That way, you both have an equal % amount of disposable income. I think the point that was trying to be made is that you think that because he makes more, he covers the expenses. But over time if he sees you spending a large amount on clothes etc. he might start to resent the fact that it could go towards the house/bills/savings. just my optionion and what works for me and my boyfriend.
I don’t really spend that much on clothes but yeah, I get your point
To me marriage is a piece of paper. Marriage does not make your relationship better, it does not make it last forever. Love does that. I have been with mine for over 20 yrs (2 boys 18 & 15 yr old). We do talk about it, but I don’t want to get married. We’ve outlasted many others. So many divorces in the time we’ve been together.
So I’ll admit it’s been a LONG while but can’t help writing a little something after Brady’s admission.
I want to start off by saying I love your blog (⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️…😉). I transferred to ASU in the fall and am going to Cronkite, and I might be wrong but isn’t that where you went to school too?… If so, then super cool lol… And any places you suggest I check out. I just turned 21 this week and don’t know if there is a place I HAVE to go to.
Anywayy… Wow. He brings up the subject on several occasions and now is backing out! I really don’t like how some other comments have pretty much told you to “run away while you can,” as if they’re pretty much overlooking your feelings and the relationship as a whole. You do you girl, and I’m no profesh but if you love him like I imagine you do don’t listen to those silly commentators. Obviously you’re not going to beg or pressure Brady for an engagement… But try looking at it this way: You want the engagement to come from him because he wants to publicly “claim” (sorry if that sounds caveman-like lol but you get my point) you as his, and off the market, in the most official way possible. I’m pretty sure he’ll get there after this little rough patch y’all are going through 🙂
And of course he’s hesitant to propose with the various issues you guys have, let alone his parents weird marriage. I highly doubt he is completely saying “ABSOLUTELY NOT” to marriage but could feel pressured (…cause ya know Chris and Carly).
OMG I can’t believe I’m still writing and this is sooo fucking long (hope you even made it this far in my post haha) but I CAN’T with the meddlers asking you about the way you split your finances with your hubby. I mean come on. I bet if the questioning were being done in person, these bitches would be the ones running for the hills in embarrassment of asking such a thing. Moving on… Go on your mini vacay without a +1 because you need/deserve it!
-Jen