Brady telling me he didn’t want to get married was unsettling and it was all I could think about on Wednesday. I honestly wasn’t mad at him. I couldn’t bring myself to be. It just sucked.
Like I said, he was extra nice all day then in the afternoon he texted me letting me know that he was staying at work and getting drinks with his coworkers afterward. It was someone’s birthday. All I said was, “Cool.”
And he added, “You can come if you want.”
Obviously he only said that out of pity so I declined. I spent the evening watching tv, eating everything in sight and replying to comments. Brady said they would just go out for a few drinks, but I was in bed by the time he got home. I pretended to be sleeping while he quietly got undressed and then slid in the bed with me and Tucker. Brady wrapped his arms around my waist and spooned me, kissing my shoulder.
I let him get settled in for a few minutes then I rolled over so I was facing him.
“Hi,” Brady said. I could smell the beer and all the alcohol on his breath.
It was pitch black so he couldn’t see my smile. I put my arms around him and rubbed the side of his cold face and neck as a greeting.
“I love you,” he murmured.
I stopped rubbing. “Oh, you do?”
“I do.”
“That’s nice. But you don’t want to marry me.”
“I don’t know.”
“What does that mean?”
“Marriage is scary.”
“How is it scary?”
Silence. So I continued.
“If you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with then it shouldn’t be scary at all.”
I guess this was the issue at hand – whether or not Brady wanted to spend his life with me. Totally acceptable if he didn’t want to or didn’t know, but I needed to know if I was wasting my time with him.
“What if I think I do now, but in a few years things change?” Brady asked in a soft voice.
“Why would that happen?” I probed.
“People change. Feelings change. Situations change.”
Something told me that Brady was speaking from personal experience. That thought didn’t even occur to me, but maybe that’s Brady being realistic and me living in some fantasy land.
“That’s a pretty pessimistic way to think,” I said.
“Yeah, I know.”
“I don’t understand what kind of future you want if you aren’t interested in marriage.”
“I really don’t know.”
Silence.
“I don’t want you to leave,” Brady said. When he said that I thought he meant he didn’t want me to move out because that’s certainly what I’d been thinking. “I want you in my future.”
“I do too, but I want to get married one day. If you don’t think that will ever happen with us then I’m not sure if I should stay.”
“Okay.”
Oh-fucking-kay. I sighed.
“I don’t want to do that right now. I want to enjoy each other without all the pressure of it. Is that selfish?” Brady said.
“I dunno. I guess not. But I don’t want to waste my time if you have no intentions of ever getting married. You know I want to get married, Brady,” I replied.
“I know.”
I kind of wanted to strangle him. Like give me some damn answers! I sighed again.
“I just need time,” he said. “But if you want to leave me, I get it.”
“Time for what?”
I felt Brady grab my shoulders, pulling me closer. “To give you what you want.”
Marriage? It was like he was afraid to say the word. But I figured it wasn’t an exact and direct no so I was going to take it. “Okay.”
Brady continued being nice the next day, making me breakfast and offering to get off work early to take me to dinner. I accepted. We went to a barbecue place that wasn’t exactly romantic, but it was delicious and that’s all that matters. We didn’t bring up our conversation from the night before and I hoped that he wasn’t too drunk to remember that it happened.
I talked to Kendra about it.
“It sounds like he has some growing up to do,” she told me. “It took John seven years to propose. I think it’s fair for him to ask for more time.”
“I can’t believe you never got impatient. Seven fucking years,” I said.
“There was no rush. We knew we were going to be together forever. Forever is a long time, Reese,” she lectured me.
I guess I get that, but I feel like before we get engaged, anything could happen. There’s no guarantee. Plus my ring finger is itching.
When Brady and I got home from dinner, we sat in the living room watching Netflix and working on our laptops. I was looking up destinations for my solo vacay. It started to get late and Brady shut his laptop and got up and yawned.
“Coming to bed, babe?” he asked.
“Yeah, hold on. Let me just bookmark this,” I said, not looking up.
I met him in the bedroom and asked, “Is the weather nice in Belize this time of year?”
“Nice. It’s a tropical climate so there is rarely unsatisfying weather. Why?”
“I’m planning a trip.”
Brady looked at me. “When? I probably can’t get any time off until March or April.”
Oh, awkward. I couldn’t even look at him so I shimmied past him to the bathroom. “I’m going alone.”
“Oh.”
He didn’t mention it again.
I got in a fight with Stacey on Friday and I really don’t think I’ll speak to her again. In the morning, I was talking to Luke about some designs and how they hadn’t turned out exactly how we were envisioning. We had gotten a sample a few weeks ago and made some tweaks which Stacey was there for. She tried to input a ton of ideas that obviously we didn’t use because she knows nothing. So Luke and I were complaining about the final sample.
“I told you not to do that, Reese,” Stacey said matter-of-factly. “You should’ve listened to me.”
“You don’t know anything about design,” I said dismissing her.
She laughed like that was the funniest thing she’s ever heard. So annoying.
In the afternoon, I found her hanging out with Luke in the design room even though she has no business being in our suite. I kind of rolled my eyes at her when I saw her. She and Luke were talking about college and all the drugs they did.
“Yeah, this one time I was tripping on acid and I thought the ceiling was on fire,” Stacey was saying. “I was literally screaming and rolling on the floor like this.” She was sitting on the table next to my work bag and she dropped to the ground to demonstrate, knocking my bag and its contents down with her.
“What are you doing?!” I exclaimed.
Stacey laughed uncontrollably and rolled around on the floor with my belongings. She was literally rolling on my makeup bag and headphones and phone charger and stuff.
“Can you fucking get up? What’s your problem?” I continued ranting, while picking my things up.
Luke came over and helped Stacey up because she couldn’t stop laughing. I was seriously so pissed that I called Brady at work to tell him what happened.
“She’s lucky nothing is broken,” I sniffled.
“I understand. Maybe just try to stay away from her for a while. It sounds like you’ve been butting heads a lot lately,” Brady said.
“Because she sucks. I hate her. She’s the stupidest human being on the planet!” I continued.
Brady managed to calm me down by telling me that he’d bring macarons home.
The weekend was pretty uneventful. I woke up on Saturday and made a huge, ridiculous breakfast just because I could. Then we spent three hours cleaning the entire house top to bottom. I talked Brady into getting a new couch. It’s white. He was hesitant about getting white because of Tucker, but I assured him it would be fine as long as we do a good job maintaining it. Brady loves keeping clean so I’m sure we won’t have to worry about it.
We went to a dive bar on Saturday night. It was gross out, but we were going stir crazy inside. I ordered a beer and tots and Brady and I spent the night getting drunk and making friends with the bartender.
I haven’t decided on my vacation yet, but Brady is visiting his parents next weekend which is so dumb. There’s no special occasion, he’s just going for fun. What the hell? Since when is his parents’ house fun? He didn’t even invite me, which is fine because I don’t want to go. So maybe I’ll have a party. Anyone in?
hot mess in high heels. 
I am totes in for the party, girl!!
I thought this post was really good. You stood your ground about things and explained your reasoning. You didn’t let Brady out of the conversation, either, which I liked
Again, totes down to party. Also, looking for a PIC on your vacay, I’m your girl! Lol
lol you’re totally invited!
To which?! The girls night party or the vacay? Cuz honestly, I could use both! Haha. You should come to the Oregon coast! We have the best wineries and it’s gorgeous and pretty cost friendly!
both! I’ve never been to Oregon but I’m always down for a good winery.
Ha. I don’t even remember sending my last comment. Thank you sleep texting while on Sonata! Lol.
But for real, you need to just get away from everything for awhile. Wherever you end up, make it somewhere YOU want to be.
What if Brady going home for the weekend is to sort some feelings out about weddings/engagements and speak to his parents. If this trip was decided after your comment about going away alone then perhaps that’s scared him. Do what you want, but throwing a party may not be the best way to show you are ready to settle down. Not saying you need to change but almost guaranteed you will have a party and something will get ruined (like the couch) or Marco will come and something will happen. I know you like to party and there is nothing wrong with that sometimes but I feel like you shouldn’t need to party/get drunk all the time, especially as soon as you are away from Brady. Perhaps that says something. Sorry – not saying it to be harsh. I just feel like if you have a party something is going to happen and cause a whole lot of drama.
I probably won’t seriously throw a party. I was MOSTLY kidding. (the couch won’t come in for another few weeks, but I get what you’re saying).
I’m inclined to agree with Amanda.. While it’s nice to have a little space after the bomb Brady dropped, you should go out of your way to throw a party. Instead try a low key girls night. Stay in drink wine and catch up. Bitch about Stacey. But be smart about yout actions. Don’t do something outrageous that could potentially push Brady rather away and into the mindset of “No Marriage”.
Also, you still need to a dress your gift from Marco. Are you giving it back or keeping it and being truthful to Brady? Ignoring the gift doesn’t make it go away and the longer you wait to mention it the sketchier it looks to Brady.
Good luck girl! I’m excited to hear about your upcoming trip!
gah. should I just tell Brady then?
Honesty is always the best policy in a relationship. You would expect the same from him. Plus it’s better for you to tell him rather than he find it out himself later. You have a good heart! Good luck with whatever you decide!
So, just some food for thought. People always think getting engaged and getting married comes with some sort of “guarantee.” An engagement ring is not a guarantee that something won’t go wrong. He can still change his mind, he can still decide he doesn’t want to get married. And when you’re married, you guys can still split up, get cheated on etc. All marriage will do in that case is make splitting up harder and more expensive. Kendra is right – forever is a long time. If you really think Brady is the one and you want to be with him, then you can also have patience. However, I completely get the fact that that you don’t want to waste your time. Its a tough situation.
guess you’re right.
I half expected you not to post anymore after that last one… Those comments got a little tough! I’m proud of you for talking to Brady! I know you don’t feel like things are resolved but I don’t think Brady is the type to resolve things right away, he’s a thinker and he’s thinking about what he wants, so I’m glad you put him on notice and were honest, but not pushy.
On another note, instead of a big vacay, why not book a three day weekend at a spa while Brady is out of town? I think that sounds amazing 🙂 You might need a longer vacation to get relaxed, but it was just an idea!
Also, Stacey is effing weird and inappropriate… Glad you’re keeping your distance.
I think maybe I will stay home and hibernate with my little baby Tucker. and watch Netflix and eat ice cream. that actually sounds really fun!
Great post. I love how you spoke with Brady rationally and let him know your feelings.
I agree that a party is not a great idea. Too much potential for disaster! Girls night sounds fun 🙂
Looking forward to hearing about where your travels take you ❤️
thank you! 🙂
Not trying to make you sweat, but an engagement probably won’t make you feel like things are a done deal. J and I got in some of our worst fights before we got married. Plus, a lot of those fights were come-to-jesus moments where we both realized that this was *it* and our lives were never going back to the way they were before/when we were single. Now though, I think it’s good we had those fights and got everything out on the table. Obviously ours isn’t the most traditional of situations, and making it work was harder than I thought it would be, but it’s been more than worth it.
Belize is such a fun place for a solo trip, and most of the people there (at the resorts anyway) speak really great English.
tell me more about Belize!
and yeah, i guess an engagement isn’t guaranteeing anything and won’t make problems just magically disappear. I’ll be happier though which may make me easier to get along with
My God Stacey is awful! Does she have no shame? Or respect!? It aggravated me just reading about her trashing your belongings and making a joke of it. RUDE! Nice bag by the way.
So heartbreaking what’s going on between you and Brady. Hope everything turns out well though.
Soul xo
Stacy is SO awful! I was reading that story and thinking “what the hell is wrong with this woman-child”. She needs to grow the eff up!
I literally hate her.
I am also thinking of taking a solo trip because my husband just walked out on me a few weeks ago without notice so I feel like going somewhere and never coming back. I have never traveled alone before so if anyone has any suggestions of where to go, I am all ears.
If you do have a party while Brady is away, do not let Stacey into your place; she is a legit nightmare.
WHAT? are you okay?? email me!
ya obviously a super long story but it was definitely out of left field. And doing it 3 weeks before xmas was f’ing brutal. I will recommend that you always keep the lines of communication open with Brady even when it is hard. I am learning how quickly everything can go to shit even when you think you are communicating.
Maybe I will email you? I need someone completely impartial who doesn’t know me and isn’t a therapist. Or maybe I should start blogging too to vent my feelings.
and I would NEVER let Stacey into my house. she can sit outside and freeze.
I never realized that traveling solo was something I might enjoy until about 6 months after my divorce when I went on a trip with some friends, but got there about 24 hours before they did. Flying by myself was awesome (navigating an airport with someone with a different travel style is the worst), and I had so much fun exploring. I found an awesome outdoor restaurant with live music and had dinner by myself and sat with a drink listening to music. It was really the first time I’d felt truly independent….ever, I guess. It was awesome, and that was only about 24 hours! I highly recommend it!
I definitely like exploring new places alone – not everyone will be interested in doing what I want to do. I also like to be on my own schedule and not have to worry about anyone else. much less stressful!
that actually sounds amazing ….
Marriage is not romantic. People have this crazy idea that marriage is a guarantee you’ll stay in love and live happily ever after. That’s not the case at all. You marry someone you love and that has potential they are not perfect and things are going to come up, you will argue and there will be days that you don’t like each other so much. But you make it work, you don’t give up. Falling in love is easy, but staying in love is something you work at every day.
So it scares me that Brady says he’s not sure. You have been together for over a year now and he should have an idea if you are worth going through all that with.
You marry someone you want to spend the rest of you live with eventhough they are not perfect because they make your life better and you work at it. My parents have been married for 40 years, the best advice my parents have given me is to serve your spouse. Always do acts of service because love increases when you are helping someone.
Take some time this weekend and think about things, what YOU want. What would make YOU happy right now. I love you and Brady together I feel that you’ve grown a lot since being with him, but his insecurities scare me. Is he not sure about marriage or is it he’s not sure about it with you?
I think he is unsure of both, marriage and me. which, yes, is scary.
I have this weird feeling that Brady is going to Boston to see his ex. I can’t understand why he would want to go see his parents when he always talks about how much he dislikes them. Just something to keep in mind.
Brady’s ex lives in NYC, not Boston or Massachusetts.
i’ve been binge watching house of lies. you have to watch the last episode of the second season. and then promise you’ll never do that. but still that girl has balls. give Brady some time. relax into his love for you. it seems like he genuinely loves you. i’m on board with the solo trip. i absolutely love traveling solo. stay busy though and have a plan for when you meet a hot guy. because exploring a foreign country, drinking, and being carefree makes it hard to resist handsome men.
lol I am totally not going to drink on my vacation. sounds dangerous!