Hey y’all. I’m sorry. So much is going on.
On Wednesday night, a former coworker had a birthday dinner at a restaurant downtown and Brady and I made plans to be in attendance. I stayed at work late then texted Brady to meet me at the office so we could walk to the venue together.
It started off fine, we were walking hand in hand and talking about life. I’m not sure how it happened, but we got in a disagreement about our living situation. It was super passive aggressive. I’m fine with where we live now, but I thought I’d bring up the topic of buying a larger condo again. I mean, just to throw it out there. Brady wouldn’t even entertain it.
Finally I said, “Ugh, fine. You never want to do what I want,” or something like that.
Brady slowed down and let go of my hand. I turned to him to see what was up and he had this weird look on his face.
“What?” I asked.
“Sometimes… I feel like we are going in two different directions,” he said, sounding unsure.
“Okay? What does that even mean?” I said.
“We want different things.” Brady said this confidently and definitively.
“What the fuck, Brady? What are you talking about?” I demanded.
He scrunched his eyebrows together. “I’m going to go. Enjoy dinner.”
Seriously, what the hell?
“What? Why?” I exclaimed.
Brady didn’t reply and turned to walk away. I called after him. When he didn’t turn around or even acknowledge me, I got pissed and walked away to go to dinner alone. Whatever. Brady is moody sometimes and I wasn’t even about to feed into it. He would get over whatever issue he had eventually.
Halfway through dinner, I caved and texted him, “Okay, what was that all about?”
He didn’t reply right away so I just sat there staring at my phone. The birthday girl called me out for being on my phone at dinner so I put it away. After dinner they all wanted to go to a bar to have more drinks. I checked my phone and Brady hadn’t responded to my message which was annoying.
“Hellloooooo, what are you doing?” I texted him again.
We got to the bar and the birthday girl’s fiancé bought us all shots and drinks so I put my phone away. I felt guilty because I hardly ever talk to the girl (Kristen) anymore and we used to be pretty close. She’s a more responsible version of me and I used to love learning from her. She’s a good balance of psycho party chick and successful consultant and I needed to be more like that.
After we left the bar, I was ready to go home even though they all wanted to go somewhere else. I got my phone out to call Brady to come get me and he didn’t answer. Was he dead? Annoyed and drunk, I sent another text.
“Seriously fuck you. You’re such a fucking pussy sometimes Brady. Just tell me why you’re pissed at me instead of being a baby.”
I called an Uber to take me home, fell asleep on the ride then ran inside when we arrived. Brady’s keys were in his usual spot, but he wasn’t in the bed. I cut up some tortillas to make homemade tortilla chips then threw them in the oven. I had a thought. Maybe he was in the guest bedroom? That’s where I always seek refuge when I’m mad at him.
So I ran down the stairs and sure enough, the door was closed and locked. And it didn’t take me long to realize that Tucker must have been in there with him.
“I hate you,” I called through the door (probably not loud enough to hear) because don’t take Tucker from me.
I didn’t even want my tortilla chips anymore and just got in bed. I was confused and sad, but too drunk to really comprehend what was going on.
On Thursday morning, I woke up unnaturally early, around 6:00 AM. Brady should have been getting ready for work so perfect time to ambush him. He wasn’t in our bathroom so I jumped up, preparing to find him.
Brady was walking out of the main bathroom, fully dressed and ready for work with his glasses on.
“Brady!” I exclaimed, so ready to put an end to whatever stupid fight this was.
He put his hands up defensively, almost like he’d been caught. Then he said, “Not talking to you.”
“Why?” I demanded and Brady walked off.
What the actual fuck? I stormed off and got back in bed. Whatever. I fell back asleep and woke up with a start a few hours later when I realized that Brady was 100% serious. I checked my phone and he hadn’t made any effort to contact me or explain himself. What was I supposed to think? Seemed like he was giving up to me.
I called my dad.
“Good morning, love,” he answered.
“What’s up? What do you have going on today?”
“Can you help me find and buy a condo? Brady isn’t speaking to me and I don’t want to be here anymore,” I blurted out.
“What? Why isn’t he speaking to you?” my dad wanted to know.
“I don’t know. He isn’t as smart as y’all think. I’m over it,” I said.
So my dad informed me that he’d look into flying in Friday morning. A few minutes after we hung up, my dad texted me informing me that he would land the next morning just before 11 am.
I went to work a little later than normal. Scott had requested a meeting for 10:30 and I got in with just enough time to prepare for it.
“These sales are ridiculous,” was how he opened the meeting.
“I know. I’m trying not to get discouraged,” I said back.
“Yeah. Keep the morale of your team up. Has Mike said anything to you?”
I shook my head.
“Good. Let’s get some plans together so he can at least see your efforts.”
So we spent the morning and into the afternoon working together. I generally like working alongside Scott because then he can at least see how I work and think and see that I’m not an idiot. I really feel like he thinks I am sometimes.
I stayed at the office until 9:30 PM because I was engrossed in my work. I only took one break. I guess I figured I needed to start producing some results before Mike fires me.
When I got home, I heard the TV on in the basement. It sounded like an action movie. I started gathering some of my stuff from the bedroom and taking it to the office. My things have pretty much overtaken Brady’s former plain white bedroom and I thought it would be beneficial for Brady to see his room without it. Maybe it would be a sign of how boring his life would be without me.
After I’d emptied the room to my satisfaction, I headed to the kitchen to find something to snack on. But Brady beat me there and walked past me without saying anything. Or even looking at me. Do y’all know how hurtful that is? We are supposed to be in love and Brady didn’t even acknowledge me after not speaking to me for over twenty four hours.
After that, I didn’t even want a snack. I locked myself in the bedroom and cried. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do. Brady was serious and I didn’t even know what I’d done.
About an hour into my crying fit, I received a picture from a Los Angeles number. It was of me and my ex Devin circa 2011. We were in a reverse prom pose with my arms wrapped his waist from behind. I had big hoops in, a tiny stud through my lip and a backward ASU baseball cap on. Devin had his head leaned back with a cocky smirk on his face.
“Devin stop,” I replied to the message.
“What? You look beautiful. I miss you,” he said.
“I’m not in the mood.”
“Why? I’m not trying to be a dick or anything.”
“Well my boyfriend broke up with me so I’m dealing with that right now.”
I don’t even know why I felt the need to share that with Devin. I think I just wanted sympathy or someone to talk to about it. Someone who would obviously be on my side.
Devin called me.
“What?” I groaned into the phone.
“Hey. I’m sorry to hear that,” Devin said. He sounded genuine, not using his salesman voice he uses to get whatever he wants.
“No you aren’t. You live for this shit,” I said.
“I want you to be happy, Reese. If I can’t do that for you and someone else can, I gotta accept it.”
“Obviously someone else can’t cuz he wants nothing to do with me.”
“I don’t even know. He said we want different things. It’s so stupid.”
“What is it that you want?”
I paused. I hadn’t thought about that. I was so busy being upset about Brady ignoring me that I hadn’t thought about what he really meant when he said we are going in different directions and want different things. I hadn’t even brought up marriage.
“To build a life with him,” I answered.
Devin sighed. “And he doesn’t want that? He really isn’t for you then just like I thought.”
“And you think you are? Please, Devin,” I rolled my eyes.
This opened a whole other can of worms. We talked about when we first met on campus. I’ll tell y’all that story in a flashback post. But we were inseparable immediately. We shared the same feelings right away and I didn’t have to second guess myself at all which is the the exact opposite of when I first met Brady.
By the time we hung up two hours later, I’d come to the following conclusions:
1. Devin and I had an instant attraction and connection and I didn’t feel like I had to force anything.
2. Devin and I have similar personalities hence why we butt heads often. Brady and I fight a lot less because he’s agreeable and doesn’t stand up for himself when he should.
3. When Devin and I dated, we were both starving college students with nothing to show for ourselves. We still had fun and made it work. I don’t know why, but I can’t imagine that with Brady. He’s so established and put together. Privileged. He would never be slumming it.
4. Devin and I haven’t been together in years and he still talks about the future with me. The future in general. Brady breaks out in hives when the word marriage is even mentioned.
5. He still has a ton of growing up to do, but now that we are older, I think Devin finally has a grasp of his feelings. I think in college, a lot of times he told me what I want to hear and now he tells me what he genuinely feels.
After that phone call, I felt a little different about Devin. I don’t really hate him.
My dad ordered a car for when he landed and picked me up from Brady’s house. He knows someone who knows someone in real estate here in Chicago and set up a meeting for us.
“Good morning, princess! How are you feeling?” my dad greeted me.
“Like crap,” I told him. “Thank you for coming.”
“Of course. I’m happy to help. What do you have in mind?”
“I don’t even care.”
I felt my dad watching me, waiting expectantly so I added, “All the upgrades. You know my taste.”
We met up with the realtor at his office downtown to go over the important details. What were my requirements, neighborhood, price, etc. And then he took us to look at a few places. One in Old Town, one in River North and two in Gold Coast. I fell in love with one of the Gold Coast ones. My dad whistled when we walked in. It was staged with all white furniture, it had a big open living room and dining room area with windows taking up one wall and mirrors covering the adjacent one. It made the place look huge. The bathroom was all glass and marble – light and airy and white too. The kitchen had marble countertops, stainless steel appliances and a pearly white marble backsplash. It also had a great view of the lake. The place was about $15,000 over the budget my dad gave me, but he saw how much I loved it and told the realtor to do whatever he could.
After I’d found my perfect home, it was almost 3:00 and my dad suggested we find something to eat. We had the driver take us a to a restaurant not far from Brady’s hospital which I thought was ironic, but thought nothing of.
We were seated and ordered cocktails. My dad was stalling on ordering food even though I knew what I wanted. And then my dad looked up from the table, his eyes lighting up.
“Hey! You made it,” my dad said, standing up. I turned and saw Brady walking toward our table. What the hell?
I turned back around and pulled out my phone because this was about to get real awkward. How had Brady found his way to me and my dad’s lunch? How annoying.
My dad and Brady shook hands and hugged and then Brady leaned down and kissed my cheek. Uh, okay. I’d been texting Devin all day, sending him pictures of the condo which he said he liked, but wished was in LA with him. I quickly fired off a text that said, “SOS, come save me.”
Brady sat down and I put my phone away. My dad asked him how his day was going, what he wanted to drink and then my dad ordered his drink along with food for all of us after the server came back.
“So what’s new with you? Reese? Brady?” my dad asked to try to break the ice. Since he’d arrived, we hadn’t said a word about Brady. He hadn’t asked me what happened or mentioned him at all.
Brady took a sip of his drink so I started talking. “Nothing. Can’t wait to move.”
“Yeah, I’m hoping it’ll work out in our favor,” my dad replied.
“It’ll have to.”
My dad turned to Brady. “How’s work?”
“It’s going well. I’ve been assisting in some virus and disease research the past month which has been interesting,” Brady answered. Do you think I knew about that? Nope. Because Brady doesn’t tell me anything. And what a great thing to talk about over food.
My dad’s eyebrows shot up. “Wow. What an important thing you’re doing. Yeah, Reese?” He looked at me.
The last thing I wanted to do was sit there stroking Brady’s ego. “I guess.”
“She’s proud of you,” my dad said to Brady trying to make up for my lack of interest.
“Brady hasn’t talked to me in two days so I don’t really care,” I blurted out.
Brady was taking a drink and almost spit it out. He stared at me with all seriousness.
“Reese, that isn’t nice,” my dad said.
“And ignoring my entire existence is? Cool. So glad you’re on my side.”
“I’m not taking anyone’s side, Reese,” my dad said in a warning tone.
“Why did you even invite him here?” I asked. “I’m trying to get away from him.”
Brady just continued looking at me and didn’t say anything.
“Your mother and I didn’t teach you to be nasty to people.”
“Don’t bring up my mom because you’re ignoring her too. Just stop!”
They looked at each other and then they both stared back at me.
“I’m sorry if you feel you’re being ignored,” my dad said.
“It’s not how I feel, it’s the reality of the situation! Brady, what’s the last thing you’ve said to me? You have no idea!”
“Reese, relax. You have no reason to feel attacked right now,” my dad said.
“I don’t feel attacked, I’m just annoyed.”
The server brought our food and I immediately dug into my salad, eager to have something to do besides talk to them.
Brady cleared his throat. “Reese, I love you. I suck at showing it sometimes, I know that. But I-”
I glared at him. “I’m sorry, are you speaking to me?”
“Yes, I am.”
“Okay, well what’s your purpose? You don’t treat someone you supposedly love like that. You just don’t.”
“I think you could take your own advice.”
“Excuse me? My life literally revolves around you,” I said, appalled.
“Your actions and words don’t reflect that,” Brady said softly.
“What are you talking about?” I exclaimed.
“This. This is exactly what he’s talking about,” my dad spoke up.
“Is this like an intervention? Leave me alone.”
Neither of them said anything and all you could hear was our silverware clinking on our plates. I sat my fork down and looked up to take a drink. Brady was watching me while he ate. I thought about making some snarky remark, but decided not to.
My dad got a phone call and excused himself from the table so Brady and I sat there alone. I pulled out my phone and Devin had texted me a couple times and FaceTimed me. I was replying when I heard Brady say my name. I looked up.
“Are you done?” he asked.
“Done with what?”
Brady gestured between the two of us. “This. Us.”
“Well, you’ve made it pretty clear that you are.”
“That isn’t what I asked.”
“What are you even doing here?” I couldn’t help asking.
“Your father asked me to be here,” Brady replied.
“So what? You could’ve said no. Probably should’ve.”
Brady ran a hand over his face, a weird gesture I don’t think I’ve ever seen him do.
“I’m sorry for coming then,” he said.
When my dad came back, he was ready for the check. After he paid, we all got up and headed outside. I stood at the curb waiting for the car while my dad and Brady talked just outside the restaurant. They were close and speaking quietly and it looked like they were plotting something. I’d grill my dad about it in the car.
Once our car came, my dad and Brady said goodbye and Brady kind of just waved at me.
“What did you say to him?” I asked my dad as soon as he shut the door to the SUV.
“I know why you’re lashing out, Reese. Your mother and I separating shouldn’t make you doubt your own relationship. Don’t take it out on Brady,” my dad said.
I scoffed. “I’m an adult. I’m not lashing out because my parents are separating.”
“We’re very sorry you have to go through this,” my dad went on as if I hadn’t said anything. “We’ve tried to make it work. This isn’t going to affect our relationships with you at all.”
“Dad, I don’t care. Just don’t be a dick to my mom.”
My dad was leaving later that evening so we went back to Brady’s to hang out. He needed to do some work so I set him up in the home office (with all my crap) and then sat on the couch talking to Devin. A little bit later, Kendra called.
“Hey,” I answered.
“Hey! What’s your dad doing here?” she wanted to know.
“How do you know he’s here?” I asked.
“Birdy told me. What’s up? How are you?”
I hadn’t talked to Kendra in a little while and it felt good to talk to her. So I let it all out, telling her all about what was going on with Brady and Devin.
“Well, you know how I feel about Devin and why I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said.
“I know. But he’s different now. He’s grown up a lot,” I said back.
“I’m sure he has, but you can’t just find morals somewhere,” Kendra laughed. “You and Brady need to seriously talk and you need to stop being so defensive. I don’t think he knows how to get through to you.”
“He knows me better than anyone. Except maybe you.”
“But he’s terrified of you, Reese. He feels like he can’t be honest without you freaking out.”
“How do you know?” I asked, suspiciously.
“I can just tell. Anyway, go easy on him. He wants to please you, but doesn’t know how.”
“I literally tell him exactly what I want.”
“Do you have a comeback for everything?” Kendra laughed again. “Let me know what happens!”
After we hung up, Devin called. We talked for an hour or so until my dad appeared in the living room to announce he was leaving for the airport.
“I’ll keep you in the loop about what’s going on with the condo,” he told me and I thanked him.
Brady didn’t get home until super late that night and I was already in bed. Tucker whined at the door for a little while until Brady went to sleep.
On Saturday morning, I had plans of going to brunch with Luke. I missed him and hadn’t seen him in forever. I put on jeans, a plaid boyfriend button down with sunglasses on no makeup.
“I think I want to move to Arizona. Scottsdale,” I told him after we’d started eating.
“Really? Why there?” Luke asked.
“Change of scenery. It’s so laid back. And I don’t want to be in Chicago if I’m not with Brady,” I said and quickly filled him in on my current situation.
“So, are you moving there with Devin? That’s what sounds like is going to happen.”
“No!” I exclaimed. “Devin lives in LA. That would never happen. I’m not interested in him like that right now.”
Luke gave me a skeptical look. “I believe that you aren’t, but your situation with Brady is making you gravitate toward him. I think until you figure that out, Devin needs to be out of the picture. Right now you just need someone to talk to.”
“Of course you do. Give me your phone so I can block his number.” Luke held out his hand.
I rolled my eyes. “No. It’s honestly fine. I’ll try to talk to Brady today.”
I didn’t get the opportunity to though because after brunch Luke and I went perfume shopping then met up with some of his friends for a rooftop party. After the party, I was tipsy and had a headache so I headed home. When I got there, Brady and Tucker were out in the front. I was caught off guard and just said, “Hey,” automatically as I walked past.
Brady nodded and I continued into the house. I was starving so I made nachos and cut up a pineapple to eat. I sat at the dining room table and scarfed down my meal then I played around on Snapchat for a little while.
When I went to the bedroom Brady was laying on the bed with Tucker. For the past several days, the bedroom had been my domain so I wasn’t really sure what to do. I decided that it was probably my turn to sleep elsewhere so I started grabbing clothes to sleep in and stuff.
“Hey,” Brady said and my head jerked up, but I didn’t say anything back. Then he said, “Come here.”
I gave him a dirty look. “Why?”
“Just come here.”
I put down what I was holding and walked to the edge of the bed, crossing my arms. “Yes?”
Brady reached out to grab my arm and said, “Sit down.”
I sat. Tucker jumped on my lap. “What can I help you with?”
“You’re sorry? About what?”
“We shouldn’t have let that go on as long as it did.”
“That’s your fault.”
“I know. That’s why I’m apologizing.”
“Maybe we just aren’t compatible.”
Brady’s face fell. “I don’t think that’s it.”
“What is it then? This is so stupid! Like I can’t deal.”
“I want you to respect me,” Brady said.
I was about to object, but realized that maybe he had a point. It made sense – he’d gotten mad at me for yelling at him about moving, I sent him that rude text calling him a pussy, and then lunch with my dad when they ganged up on me. He really does feel disrespected by me. Isn’t it sad that I didn’t even notice until he mentioned it?
“That’s all I ask.”
“Well, I didn’t even realize that you felt that way.”
Brady gave me this stupid smile.
“So thanks for telling me this now.”
I was going to get up and go to bed, but Brady grabbed my waist. “Don’t leave. Stay here with me.”
And then, I didn’t even try to stop it, but we hooked up and then fell asleep.
I woke up because my phone was ringing and I reached down and found it on the floor next to the bed. It was Devin. I considered answering it, but Brady was still sleeping next to me. After I declined the call, I shook Brady to wake him up.
He rolled over and peeked at me with one eye. “Yeah?”
“Wake up, please.” I was trying my hardest to be super nice.
Brady stretched a bit then sat up, yawning. “What’s up?”
“I’m sorry that I’ve been disrespectful to you. I didn’t realize you felt that way and I feel really bad about it,” I said.
Brady’s face softened when he realized that I was being genuine and thoughtful.
“Thank you,” he said.
We looked at each other for a moment and I said, “So that’s all I wanted.”
“Do you love me?” Brady asked and he had this strange look on his face.
“What?” was all I could think to say.
“Do you love me?” he repeated.
“Yes. Do you really have to ask?”
“I guess so. Are we friends? What are we doing?”
“I don’t know. You said we want different things so what did that mean?”
“I want to spend everyday with you,” Brady said.
I felt hot tears stinging my eyes. “Do you think that’s not what I want?”
“I don’t know. I can’t tell.”
“I tell you that all the time, Brady! I don’t understand where this is coming from.”
“I just want to be sure.”
Brady got up and went to the bathroom and I picked up my phone to text Devin. I texted him, “Good morning,” and a few minutes later he said, “Do you want to come see me next weekend?”
And I guess I could. I know y’all hate Devin, but I think I portrayed him negatively because I was holding a grudge. He’s seriously different now. Like he’s sweet. And he worships me. And Brady hasn’t spoken to me since yesterday afternoon so why not?
127 thoughts on “an intervention.”
I’m so confused. What the heck Brady!?!
Also, you do need to leave Devin alone right now. It really isn’t appropriate to have that sort of relationship with him while you’re trying to figure things out with Brady. All you’re doing is comparing them…and it’s not really fair.
I’m confused too!
Abort mission do not see Devin, he is going to try to hit on you. Don’t put yourself in an unnecessary situation.
I assumed that you and Brady made up by that conversation in bed, why isn’t he talking to you now?
DO NOT AND I REPEAT DO NOT SEE DEVIN! It will make things worse with Brady, you’ve said you don’t like other girls messaging inappropriate things to Brady and he doesn’t seem to realise. This with Devin, is the same thing. Stop now to prevent the fall out.
I’m super confused about that too! Did that conversation happen or is he not speaking to you?!
conversation happened, but yeah he isn’t speaking to me. I don’t know if it’s deliberate or not
I don’t know why he isn’t talking to me. we had dinner separately on Sunday night, didn’t sleep together and he worked all day yesterday. and he hasn’t text me or anything.
He’s gonna propose!!
I really think that too! That’s why he’s being so unsure!
i swear I was waiting for that to happen. its happening soon! don’t eff it up!
if a guy has to ask his gf if she loves him then probably not lol
You seeing Devin is a terrible idea. You would be livid if Brady was speaking and even thinking of traveling to visit his ex girlfriend.
You should stop all communication with Devin!
Work on your relationship with Brady and treat him the way you want him to treat you.
Hugs from Houston! 🙂
hugs! so glad to have an h-town reader!
leave Devin alone! he isn’t your friend, he wants to hook up, and you guys don’t respect each other (last post with him both of you were being super rude to each other)
I kinda get the feeling he is gonna propose also I don’t know why, ignore Devin really, imagine if Brady was going on to his ex about you and making the same comparisons while you’re in a fight?? you’d feel like shit, and he will feel like shit if he finds out you’ve been talking to your ex and comparing both and shit.. it’s part of the whole respect thing
seriously Reese I love you and all but don’t go visit this other dude, it’s super shitty, either talk to Brady properly and work it out or break up with him because it’s not fair for either of you
at least he did tell you he loves you and he’s been talking to your dad/Kendra/John about you because he cares 🙂
I think Brady already did the breaking up thing so why shouldn’t I be allowed to go see Devin? he and I can treat each other like crap like that and still bounce back. it’s just in our nature
Yiu need to block Devin and delete the correspondence, If brady sees it you will be over
we aren’t over already? 😳
You know you aren’t over already, stop it ha
it feels like it!
Oh, Reese. I almost want to tell you to let Brady read your blog. From what you’ve written, it seems like this blog is the only time you openly talk about what you want and the behaviors that annoy you. I know Kendra said you were being defensive and you got annoyed with her too but go back and read some of your posts. You demand things from Brady and remember when his patient died? You didn’t even follow up to ask how he was feeling. You need to sit down and CALMLY tell Brady- 1. You love him and want to spend your whole life together and have a future etc. 2. It hurts you when he doesn’t share things with you (e.g. Patient dying or job offers in NYC etc) but you have a hard time not lashing out when you finally do. It hurts you because this makes you feel like Brady doesn’t trust you and makes you feel insecure about your relationship (literally what my therapist told me about me/my bf). 3. You have a hard time being aware of other people’s feelings but it’s something you want to work on. Maybe make sure that every day you come home and ask Brady what happened at work that day or what he’s thinking about.
I’m also thinking that maybe – since it’s hard for you to have these discussions face to face- you should write Brady a letter. You’re able to express all your feelings to us but now it’s time to tell Brady. Otherwise you’ll lose him.
Oh and for the love of whatever do NOT go to see Devin!!
I agree with all of the above. Have this conversation and move on with your lives. Devin is a baby
a baby? Lol
oh my gosh, I could NEVER let him read this blog. I’ve already told Brady literally everything you mentioned and we are still like this. that’s why I mentioned that we might not be compatible. it’s too hard to make it work
See – right there – you’re being defensive. “I’ve already told him everything” — Maybe you think you have in your own Reese way, but clearly it didn’t come through. Brady is SO conflict avoidant and it seems like he walks on eggshells around you. Lots of people have said this – put your thoughts in writing and give them to Brady.
I find it interesting that you also treat your dad similarly to Brady – you don’t tell him what you really want in an apartment or why you want it and then you think it’s totally okay to blow the budget he set for you by 15K because it’s not your money anyway.
I’ll work on writing my feelings down and give it to him in a few days if he’s still around. my apartment is my money, not my dad’s.
I’m going against the other opinions here, but I think you should go see Devin. Hate to say it- but maybe u subconsciously want to blow up ur relationship or sabotage it, and for sure this is a way to do it.
It seems like Very soon after saying you felt bad about disrespecting Brady you were seriously considering flying to go meet an ex that has feelings for you. Imagine how Brady would feel knowing the same night u apologized for being disrepectful u were considering this.
It also seems like there is a big disconnect between you wanting to be nicer to and more respectful to Brady, but not understanding how ur actions and thoughts sometimes show the exact opposite.
I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world and could never imagine traveling to see another man- especially an ex who likes me. The fact that u are maybe means you aren’t truly in love with Brady anymore, or wanting things to work out.
If u still do care about ur relationship, try and figure out (maybe in therapy?) why u would so easily sabotage it.
Brady is the who is giving up our relationship, not me. maybe just agreeing with him a bit. if Brady wanted to make it work he would talk to me and tell me HIS feelings too, but like I said, he hasn’t talked to me in almost two days
From ur post, the time line makes it seem like u were thinking abt going to see Devin before Brady stopped talking to u a second time. So why u want to go see another man right after u make up with ur boo?
And I understand the silent treament is the Worst! My ex used to do that and I hated it. If u feel like he gave up- just end it or take a (Devin free) break
I never heard Brady break up with you.
what exactly did Brady do then?
Reese. What do you even hope to accomplish visiting Devin?
Do you need time away to think? Because you’ve already had plenty of time for that.
If you forgive Devin for how’s he’s burnt you in the past that’s fine, but why go and punish Brady by going to visit your old flame?
Brady is trying to make amends and here you are continuing your cycle of recklessness. If you really loved Brady and wanted to please him, seeing Devin and even talking to Devin is reckless as f. Fix the relationship that you have right now, and don’t go backtracking to the past.
Brady is trying to make amends? he just apologized so we could have sex then he went back to ignoring me.
Brady is trying to figure things out right now – if he truly was done he just would have left or kicked you out or something. I don’t think he’s intentionally ignoring you (unless you did something to make him mad and just didn’t post it). He’s probably working a lot, and also trying to take time to himself to figure out how to fix things. I know when I need to think, I need to be by myself with no interruptions/distractions.
I think Brady and super nice and wouldn’t kick me out even if he wanted to. can you imagine him asking me to leave knowing I don’t have any place to go yet?
I don’t usually comment because this is your life but you are messing up big time. DO NOT GO SEE DEVIN! You yell at Brady for even talking to the girls he works with and get pissy for that but you think its ok to go see an ex. You are very much all about what you want and nothing about what Brady wants or needs. If you are done with Brady then end it but if you aren’t and you truly love him then work on it and fight for him. Respect him cause really I don’t think you do because it seems as long as he buys you gifts you forgive him. You really need to stop forgiving him cause he buys you stuff or leaves you his credit card. You two need to talk! You need to tell him he needs to tell you more about his work – like when he told your dad about his research why don’t you tell him you wish he would tell you that and actually listen! Just because you don’t like it or get it doesn’t mean you can’t pretend to – my ex worked as a trucker and I could have cared less but I let him go on and on about what he saw or did because it made him happy!! I think you two do love each other but you need to work on a lot of stuff – have a real conversation about marriage and your future and decide if you can live without certain things. Compromise – maybe marriage isn’t what he wants but will do it for you cause he loves you. Or maybe marriage isn’t that big or a deal as long as you to make some sort of other promise to each other – he can get you a ring and write up an agreement about what could happen if you split. But if you need to be married and he really doesn’t want it then maybe as hard as it would be you need to walk away. And you are both young so be happy with where you live now – I mean he let you renovate it so you could be happy he is not saying never move but not right now and you don’t seem to respect that cause you keep pushing to move and bringing it up. Let it rest for awhile you have more important things to work on either together or alone!
thank you for the advice. it’s really helpful. I don’t want to be done with him, but he’s made it pretty obvious that he’s done with me. so I don’t think I’m messing up anything, I’m just preparing for the future.
WHOA! Put on the brakes. I didn’t read it as though he’s done with you – I read it as he just wanted to see if there was even any point to trying to fix the relationship (hence why he asked what you wanted).
And no – you don’t prepare for the future when you’re in a relationship. That makes it sound like you don’t care enough about the one you’re currently in. If you truly want to be with Brady, you should be doing everything possible to make that happen and fix things.
Any man that messes with a woman when she’s in a relationship is no good. I don’t care how sweet you think he is, or grown up – he’s trying to get in your pants. If he truly was sweet, he would stay out of your relationship and stop being so inappropriate. He’s a loser, let him go.
I don’t think he’s trying to get in my pants, I think he just wants to be there for me because he knows I’m hurting. that is sweet, he would have never done that before.
What do you see in your future if its Brady then stop with Devin! it clear he isn’t sure what is going on and maybe a little bit about what he wants. I would say don’t run and hide if you want to go anywhere go see one of your parents not another man. And if you really thing Devin doesn’t want in your pants your crazy!!!! I think you need to give Brady a bit of space and don’t push him just yet he might need time to thing just like you do. He loves you and you love him so give it a few days and then try to talk things out and figure out if what you have is worth fighting for. Just cause its hard doesn’t mean it can’t work. I was told you should worry if you don’t fight cause that means there nothing left to fight for.
I’m giving him a ton of space. I will wait for him to talk to me.
Ok, so I’ve been reading this blog for awhile now and not said anything, but this is like watching a trainwreck in slow motion. This is gonna sound like I’m attacking you but I promise I’m just trying to help you save this.
He hit the nail on the head when he said respect.
1. Talking to your exes and these flirty guys is disrespectful. You get pissed about that girl he works with, but it’s ok for you to talk to guys and exes and accept expensive gifts? Doesn’t work that way.
2. Spending Brady’s money the way you do is disrespectful. I make as much as he does, and I can tell you if my fiance spent my money on shopping trips like that I’d be pissed. Do you REALLY need all this stuff? You say he’s ok with it and gives you his card and whatnot, but I think he’s avoiding a blowup/whining from you.
3. You need to grow up – stop whining, throwing fits and getting drunk when you’re mad. Can you imagine if he did the same to you? How many wives do you see throwing fits and whining at their husbands? Although I think he does need to stand up for himself, I think he’s afraid that if he does, he’ll lose you (because he doesn’t know how you feel or if you still want to be together). I can see him misunderstanding a lot of what you say, when you talk about marriage you’re usually drinking, and the way you write it anyway I could easily see him taking it as you joking. Half the time I think you’re joking about it too.
4. You complain that he never tells you anything – I think he may be concerned that his day-to-day work would be boring to you, or you wouldn’t understand it. Have you ever actually ASKED what he does at work? What’s going on at work? He may assume that if you don’t ask, then you don’t care. I know that’s how my fiancee and I are – I always assume that if he isn’t asking then he doesn’t care, so I don’t talk much about it. I suggest you try to make a habit of once a week asking him what he does, and showing genuine interest in it.
You want to be his wife, but think about it from his perspective – would you want to marry someone who talks to exes, spends money recklessly, and can’t have an adult conversation without whining or exploding??
I think what you guys need to do is each make a list (on paper, when sober) of:
1. What are you goals? Do you want to get married, have kids? When do you want to get married? Where do you want to live?
2. What are your current issues with the other person? i.e. you don’t like him talking to that girl, he doesn’t like you talking to exes, etc.
And you need to sit down and discuss (again SOBER!) without getting defensive. Brady tries to avoid conflict, so as soon as you start getting defensive he’ll probably shut down and stop being totally honest. If you don’t think you can do it calmly, then just try writing back and forth – read each other’s lists, then write responses for what you agree/disagree with and why. From there you figure out what you need to work on, and if the relationship is even worth saving.
I think what would really help you with respect: Ask yourself “would I say/do this if Brady were standing right here?” So – would I text or call and ex if Brady were here and could read/hear it? Would I accept an expensive gift from a flirty guy if he were here?
I hope this somewhat helps!
thank you for this advice!! it’s actually really helpful
All this advice is so bang on!!! Really need to think how would I feel if Brady was doing this with someone! Turn the tables and think about how you would feel!
You are incredibly naive if you think Devin just wants to help you through this
^^ I agree with your entire comment, M.
Wait. What? You need to figure out the relationship you’re in before you start exploring elsewhere. That’s straight up cheating, even if it’s just emotional cheating.
Anything you do that you feel you can’t tell Brady about probably is something you shouldn’t be doing. Would you tell him you were thinking about flying to LA to visit the ex who treated you so poorly??
I’m confused because the whole end of your post sounds like you were making up and trying to move forward. If you want to go see Devin, do. But you should fully end your relationship with Brady first.
I’m also confused!!
I would tell him.
That’s good. It’s really tempting to gravitate towards someone who is showing you attention when you are at a rough spot in your relationship. It’s a trap, though. Unless you end what you have going on with Brady, you’ll always wonder if what you move on to is real. And while I’m talking, I have to say that I really didn’t like the way Devin spoke to you when you were in AZ, if your account of it is really accurate.
we were both drunk in AZ
I’m not sure that matters. Your personality is amplified when you’re drunk.
I think he said what he wanted to and maybe is waiting for you to say your piece too or make a move. He said he wanted to spend everyday fau with you. I hardly think that’s breaking up with you. The guy wants you to show him you’re in this too. Don’t go see Devin. Don’t even talk to him. Unless you’re really ready to let go. Because if you do, it’s the exact kind of disrespect Brady is talking about. You would raise hell if he does the same.
Spot on, Y.
this is true.
There is a lack of trust and communication in your relationship. These issues have been there a long time and they are causing the both of you to do very hurtful things to each other.
You and Brady turn to other people when you need attention. It’s never physical but Devin and Haley fulfill an emotional need. It seems you guys are looking for empathy and support. But remember it’s easy to find that when there is no responsibility.
You guys react to conflict in very different ways. This isn’t a bad thing but you both need to understand how differently issues are internalized. You seem to have short outbursts and need to get it out. Brady needs time to reflect. If you had trust in the relationship, Brady would know you are getting out your emotions and you would understand that he needs space. If you got to that place I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t text him terrible things and he wouldn’t be icing you out for days on end.
Maybe try 30mins a day of Reese/Brady time. No phones, no drinking and no TV. Only time for you guys to talk about what is happening in your lives and maybe some feelings here and there.
This will not change overnight but it can get better with love, respect and a little self awareness.
P.S. I still think Brady sucks for not telling his parents about your living situation.
I think having a routine of dedicated time to each other is a great idea.
I don’t think I have commented more than maybe once before. So it may take me a bit to get my point across so please be patient.
I have read your blog from the very beginning, and I have to say that Brady seems to be the most stable person you’ve met as a significant other. Now with that being said, you both communicate better through writing….to other people. But when it comes to communicating to each other he shuts down and you get defensive, unless you guys are drunk.
Now that being said, I am going to repeat some of what has already been said; you need to be sober to talk , you need to NOT see Devin, and you Reese need to seriously look in the mirror.
And I am not saying that to be a bitch, or rude or blame you entirely. However just look at the lunch with your Dad….if Brady had been texting his ex while you were there how would you act??? You don’t like it when he talks to that girl from work, or to the friend of his who was living with you for a short time (I think her name is Amanda?). But you text, flirt and talk to whoever with no consequences. Its fine to be a natural flirt, but you need to know when enough is enough and do not give them your number.
Brady needs to be more open and communicate with you. He seems to shut down a lot, but I think he’s more just about avoiding confrontation. A lot can be said from his parent’s relationship. They are very uptight, don’t discuss feelings, so given what he’s grown up around he may not know how to do so.
Now for this Devin situation, seriously bad idea! He may seem like he’s changed, grown up, matured….however you made it quite clear you’re in a relationship, and he seems to have no respect for that. He should just let you be in that relationship and if it ends then start coming back around, but not try to sabotage from the outside. So if he’s “laying ground work” to get to you….how many other girls is he doing this with? And when will he do this to you??? Do you think he will just willingly hand over his passwords and let you snoop??? Not a chance! I grew up with guys my entire life, and the guys who I knew like that are seriously not out for marriage….they are out for a good time until someone else comes along! SHUT IT DOWN BLOCK THAT NUMBER!
And I don’t think this relationship is over, Brady hasn’t said it, you haven’t either. So you’re still in a relationship with each other. Despite it not feeling like it. It’s not going to be easy you both have a lot to work on both individually and as a couple. You both have admitted both sober and drunk that you want to spend the rest of your lives together. Nothing that is worth it, is EVER going to come easy. But you both need to find a way that works for you both to communicate your feelings, and not just shut down on each other and hope to bounce back. You’re both going to fight and that is ok! But it’s how you both handle the aftermath that is concerning. He shuts you out and you go seek confirmation from another guy(sorry Reese!) and then you both feel like crap after and try to heal it that wound with sex.
I like the ideas people have been sending out of you two writing to each other, your verbal communication is very lacking. But you both have to remember not to get defensive and shut down about what gets written. You have to be open and honest to communicate and sometimes it’s going to hurt. You both need to compromise and find equal footing in this relationship
thank you for your comment and advice. ❤️
I’m confused. You’re commenting that you and Brady and are broken up, but I don’t see anywhere in your post that you actually did. Unless, it’s just not written in there that you guys are legit seperated. Either way, it sounds like you’re still involved so I think you talking to Devin and considering seeing him is incredibly disrespectful and immature. I think maybe you are saying that to us and yourself to justify your actions. If you want at all for things to work, I think you need to grow up and handle this like an adult. Either actively try to work this out with Brady and stop seeking attention from your ex, or break up with him.
I don’t know what else saying “we want different things” and then not speaking to me for almost a week means.
To the commenters criticizing Devin for trying to mess with a girl with a boyfriend, Reese told him that they were broken up. As much as I think he’s a slimy loser, Reese is leading him on if anything.
He was messing before she told him she thought they were broken up.
You confuse me 90 percent of time. I am not sure whether you are just delusional, stupid or naive. Like I don’t understand how you guys can have a conversation on respect and you ‘apologize’ yet you plan to see an ex who just wants to fuck you and has no respect for your partner who you claim to love so much. Like please use your common sense. Also its quite hypocritical of you to have judged Carly when you are doing the same thing – emotionally cheating on your partners. Wise up girl and lastly I think you need some form of therapy there has to be a reason why you continuously seek attention and some sort of validation from all these losers( i.e. Devin)
I would have worded this a little different but I agree 100%. I try to be constructive but fuck, same shit diff day. I would honestly call it quits for the sake of both of y’alls happiness. Devin might even have himself convinced that he wants something serious with you but that is not the case Reese. The moment he sleeps with you, he will be over It because he only wants what he “Can’t” have. You’re gonna lose a great partner that truly loves you because you are too wrapped up in your own feelings to give a shit about what Brady feels. Brady deserves better. Please open your eyes before its too late.
Devin has already slept with me plenty of times so I really doubt that’s all he wants
Even if you slept with him in the past, you are a chase right now. I hope you understand that. He found the hook and is trying to reel you in.
I know I need therapy but I also know why I seek attention so thanks
Please don’t go visit Devin. If you are trying to be more respectful to Brady, that’s a bad way of showing it, and is basically asking for a break up.
I have never commented but been following you blog since you started it. I think you are being super shady right now. If you dont love Brady let him go before you keep talking to Devin. I cant believe after all the shit you give Brady about texting other girls that are just friends, you woukd think talking to your ex boyfriend who is clearly telling you what you want to hear is ok. I just can’t even believ you right now.
Dude fuck you. You are so shady with your ex when Brady can’t even be friends with a young girl he works with. I usually love reading your blog, and have noticed how much you have grown but it’s frustrating when you treat your boyfriend like he’s not even a real person some day. How do you not know what’s going on with his work? Maybe he doesn’t tell you but have you ever thought to ask about it? I am married, happily so, and I know everything going on in my husbands life. The way you handle your fights is just so unhealthy. I kinda hope you go see Devin, because it seems like you are both shallow enough for each other. I know it’s my own fault for reading this blog, and I think I am actually going to stop. I always thought you had a good heart deep down, you just had some maturing to do, but I’m realizing that I think this is deeper than that. Goodluck Reese.
that’s really mean.
Sadly, I think this comment is totally on point. You keep telling Brady to communicate but he obviously has difficulty with it but to not even know what your boyfriend is doing at work?? And when the two of you fight, you just want him to always come back to you and feel a need to be in a higher power position. Instead of going out when your relationship is strained why not stay home, ask what’s wrong, have a long conversation, and be loving to each other.
What happened to blocking Devin last time? How was he even able to message you again when he was supposed to be blocked. Why are you messaging an ex? Why is he trying to FaceTime? And spending 2 hours on a phone call with him when you’re supposed to be trying to mend your relationship?? How is any of this okay. No wonder Brady felt like he had to ask if you even still love him. You’re in a relationship, you shouldn’t be trying to find a back up person to be in a relationship with. Obviously you shouldn’t see Devin or even talk to him. Move on from the past, you used to be on and off with him and the relationship was horrible. You really want to convince yourself that maybe he’s grown up? The fuck? Why? He’s a back in college person that should be left in the past.
I did block Devin and he texted me from a different number.
I think Brady is being disrespectful of her. He doesn’t even communicate with her. Been there, done that and have better now. Break up with him. Get your own condo and be you for awhile before you decide what you want to do with someone else. He isn’t invested in you. Sorry.
I haven’t read any comments, so sorry if I repeat other’s advice.
I think you need to learn to be happy now, with what you have NOW. Why do you guys need to move, why even bring it up? You just renovated the place, didn’t you?
I think Brady’s outburst was because all this stuff he holds in, he doesn’t communicate well with you, and I think part of it is because he’s scared he won’t be able to make you happy and part is because he’s scared of your reaction. He needs to man up though and learn to communicate with you and not be scared to tell you NO.
Why are you talking do Devin? Don’t you remember what happened in Arizona? You guys are bad for each other.
You are just talking to him because you like attention, and that’s not a bad thing. You need to talk to Brady and let him know that you would like him to text you a couple of times while he’s at work, it’s what you need to feel loved. More than him buying you things, you like knowing that you are on his mind and what better way to show it than by sending a text or a silly message during the day? Seriously Reese you need to read the love languages book.
Think about going back to therapy, if you really love Brady and want him in your life for good then you need to figure out a way to get there. Love is not easy specially when you try to mesh two different personalities and backgrounds.
Stop talking to Devin, just think about Brady how he would feel if he found out you were talking to your ex. You freaked out over him talking to your friend and the gift shop girl, but turn around and have an inappropriate relationship with your ex. Especially cause you are complaining about Brady to Devin, that’s like emotional cheating.
Why hasn’t Brady talked to you since yesterday afternoon? Has he not been home? Is he ignoring you again? Talk to him and let him know that is not ok, you need to stop being so scared to communicate your feelings with him. Seriously!
I love your dad, he jumped on a plane the minute you called him, how awesome is that? And he just wanted you to make up with Brady, that is so super sweet.
I hope you guys can make things work, be patient and look inward and see what things you can do to make him more secure in the relationship, make him see that he does make you happy.
I don’t know why I’m talking to Devin. I need to stop. and yes my dad is sweet and super caring. love him!
what the actual fuck is wrong with you. I’m usually a big Reese supporter but it is almost embarrassing how short-sighted you are. Everyone else has already said what you have done wrong and you continue to ignore or refute their claims, so I’m not sure it would make sense to scold you as much as I want to. instead, I’ll go through the short points:
1. Brady is in love with you-he doesn’t know how to handle you or how to get you to respect him, so he got mad for a week and apologized when he realized that was a shitty thing to do.
2. YOU LITERALLY REALIZED THAT YOU WERE DISRESPECTING HIM and then said that you were going to go see an ex that has continuously disrespected your relationship and treated you badly.
3. Brady hasn’t give up on you yet so stop being an asshole and trying to justify your actions by saying that. He hasn’t. You are so scared that he’s going to dump you because you treat him badly that you’re trying to end it before he does. It’s fucking childish.
4. Don’t go see Devin. He wants to have sex with you and that will happen if you go to see him.
5. You’re acting like an idiot. Seriously.
6. Go to Brady, tell him what you want to change and where you want the relationship to go and ask him the same questions. If they’re not the same/compatible, then end this trainwreck. Brady deserves better. And if you think you deserve Devin, that’s sad and says something about your self-esteem. But if that’s what you want, then go for it after you’ve ended the relationship with Brady in concrete terms.
if I wanted to dump him, I would. believe me
I actually really agree with Luke (and virtually everybody else). Your decision about Brady needs to be separate from Devin. Figure out whether you want to be with Brady or not without taking Devin into account at all.
Even if you do break up with Brady, I think you deserve a fresh start with someone better than Devin. Not because of who he is, but of how YOU are around him. Look at how you behaved around him at your friend’s birthday! You are a confident, driven woman and you reduced yourself to acting like a complete fool. You deserve better than to be that train wreck version of yourself.
It’s not about choosing Brady or Devin. It’s about choosing yourself and picking the life that lets you be your best.
You might also want to reflect a little about the attraction between you and Devin. This is a guy that, by your account, treated you like absolute dirt. Do you actually like him, or do you just need him to want you because it makes you feel better about how badly he treated you before? Does he actually like you, or does he need to prove that he still has a hold on you and can manipulate you into breaking up with Brady for him?
My 2 cents is Reese you like the idea of being in love but don’t want to put in the work to make a relationship last. You want a huge engagement ring, a big house, fancy wedding but those are material items. They don’t prove anything to anyone. You’re so caught up with what you have and what Brady can give you. You’re irresponsible with his money, don’t care to ask him about his day while you drone on about stupid manufactured drama in your life, you throw tantrums like a child, cry when you don’t get your way and bitch about everything.
Brady is so wrong to text another girl but you’ve flirted with multiple men, accepted presents, become emotionally involved with an ex and that’s fine. You’re out of you’re damn mind. You strong armed Brady to move into his place (who sublets their place because their boyfriend has an opportunity in NYC that he doesn’t want but because you’ve wanted to live in NYC you think it’s a good idea), take over all the space, disrespect the man that’s basically taking care of you financially. You talk shit about Carly but are you any better? If anything your behavior is worse because it’s repeated.
Brady deserves better. I think you should go see Devin. Two peas in a pod. Brady or no person for that matter should have to deal with this bullshit. I’ve read this blog for a while and I keep thinking there is a heart deep down inside that cares about others but I think I was wrong. There’s no redeeming for a person that’s so caught up in being a victim. Maybe Brady will buy you something expensive and all will be forgiven until your next tantrum. So over the selfishness.
I disagree with a lot of this here. I’m not emotionally involved with my ex. maybe I shouldn’t be talking to him, but I’m not cheating emotionally or anything like that. Brady texts his ex ALL the time. and Brady is not taking care of me financially. I have my own money which I’ve stated a million times on here.
I agree with a lot of the advice you’ve already received but have a few things to add. You know that Brady is bad at communicating. He knows it, too. What do you think he was trying to say before you interrupted him?
Here’s how you said it went down:
Brady cleared his throat. “Reese, I love you. I suck at showing it sometimes, I know that. But I-”
I glared at him. “I’m sorry, are you speaking to me?”
He was trying to open up after not speaking with you for a few days and TELL YOU HOW HE FELT, but you completely shut him down. You get frustrated that he doesn’t open up to you, but when he finally does, you don’t give him the opportunity to do so. Eventually, he’s going to stop trying to communicate all together. I suspect this is going to happen sooner rather than later.
I also don’t understand why you’re saying in all these comments that you two aren’t together. He told you that he wants to spend every day with you. Those are not words from a man to his girlfriend with whom he recently broke up. You also mentioned above that you’re waiting for him to come talk to you and giving him space. That’s totally fair, but I would just make sure that he knows that you’re waiting because he may be trying to give you space. Just send him a little text that says you’re ready to talk (or do the letter writing like someone else suggested, please do this instead) whenever he is.
You’re lying to yourself about Devin. Admit it and stop talking to him. Seriously, what’s your end goal there? If you go see him, you and Brady are done. You can’t have someone on the back burner while you’re still in a relationship with someone else. People like Devin are all about control. He loved that you would do practically anything for him while you were in college and wants you to be under his thumb again. I don’t know Devin, but Kendra does. Listen to you friend even if you don’t listen to any of the advice you receive here.
Finally, here’s a little suggestion for trying to get Brady to share more about his day-to-day life. I used to play this game with one of my friends called Rose, Bud, Thorn. Each person takes turns talking about the worst part of his or her day (the thorn), the best part (the rose), and something to look forward to (the bud); always start with the bad and end with the hopeful future. It’ll be an easy way to tell each other about the highlights of you day.
I’ve been rooting for you and Brady from the beginning. Relationships take work, but that’s not a bad thing: you put in the effort and you get rewarded with a caring partner. Good luck with everything.
I’ll try to talk to him if he comes home tonight.
I just thought of something else. Have you ever heard of the 5 love languages? You and Brady should look into it. There’s a test on the website to determine what you’re love language is. It’s done a ton to help my boyfriend and me with our communication. Check it out: http://www.5lovelanguages.com
actually I went out and bought that book per y’all’s recommendation but I haven’t gotten the chance to read it! everyone has been telling me I should though
There’s also a quiz on the website that takes about ten minutes. I haven’t read the book.
Reese, Reese, Reese where do I begin. First if you meet up with Devin then be prepared to say goodbye to any shot you have with Brady. I’m confused. As a woman with a fiance, I would not think of getting together with an ex or even sharing my personal life with them. Even through difficult times I always thought of my fiance and we worked together to make things better. Is our relationship perfect? NO but no one has this perfect relationship. It seems that you’re done with the relationship and you should stop stringing Brady along.
Why is okay for you to communicate with your ex but not for Brady to innocently text the girl from work? You say that Brady doesn’t share his life with you but do you even ask him any questions? When he said his patient died, you made that about yourself and cried and moped because Brady yelled at you. You never came back to him and said, “I’m so sorry. Do you want to talk about it?” How many times has Brady listened patiently and given you support and advice. You disrespect and take advantage of Brady’s kindness. You mentioned in one of your points that Brady is privileged and you can’t imagine financially struggling with him? Let’s be honest, you would not give Brady the time of day if he couldn’t get you the high-end luxury items you crave. You’re the one who can’t imagine slumming it. From all you’ve posted, present and past, Brady lives a simple life and doesn’t splurge on material items whereas you’re obsessed with them.
I know so many have said that Devin was rude in Arizona but haven’t you been texting him before Arizona. I don’t get why you’re so preoccupied with a man that just wants to have sex with you. I read your comment that he already has so that’s not why he is being nice. Either you’re naive or delusional. I don’t know which one. If Devin is for you then let Brady go. He doesn’t deserve the crap you’re putting him through.
You mentioned above that you’re paying for your condo. Not that it’s any of my business but you’re written about living above your needs and credit card debt. Where did this money suddenly appear from? It seems to me that you want to be a kept woman who has the freedom to live the life of a single woman. If you want to flirt, party and hook up with different men that’s cool just don’t hurt the man you claim to love by stringing him on. Instead of being defensive all the time, you should listen to Brady speak and not jump on everything. I think you’re beginning to see that all of your friends are getting engaged and seem happy while you’re living a facade. You want what they have but you can’t have that because you don’t know the meaning of compromise and you’ve managed to make Brady so scared to speak him mind because he doesn’t want to deal with your crazy tantrums. Maybe you need to go back to therapy and take care of you.
what do you mean? I’m not buying a place with cash. I’ll have a mortgage which will be similar in price to rent which I obviously can afford. I have to have a place to live.
No order to purchase a condo, house, coop you need to have a down payment. Because of the real estate crash and people taking equity from their home, banks lost a lot of money because people were taking out more than they could afford. To minimize default risk banks have increased the required down payment for even the most qualified buyers. So in short, yes cash is needed to purchase a home. There’s no such thing as a no money down mortgage. A home isn’t just the mortgage, you pay taxes, possibly hoa fees, maintenance, etc. don’t be fooled into thinking you’re just going to pay a mortgage and live the same lifestyle because your mortgage us comparable to your rent.
that’s what my dad is helping me with
Lol in essence your dad is paying for the place (at least the sizable downpayment) but you still went over the budget? That’s the same thing you do when Brady let’s you use his credit card. You have to be more responsible with not only your own money but that of others. This is financial irresponsibility at its finest.
It seems that you’re so use to getting what you want that you’ve stopped appreciating those close to you. Look at how you spoke with your dad, who hopped on a plane to help you. Who speaks to their parent like that? Then there’s Brady…look at how you spoke to him. Do you think anyone wants to be with a person who disrespects them and makes them feel like crap. Before you spin this and say look Brady’s not talking to me, think about your actions. Why are you never satisfied with anything? Why do you always push for a bigger place or marriage or whatever? Why can’t you just let things flow without putting so much pressure on your boyfriend? It seems to me that you’re over this relationship, otherwise you would not be even considering seeing your ex.
You expect a lot from others and that’s fine but only if you give what you expect as well. You hold everyone to this super high standard that you fail to meet. Whether you and Brady make up and move on is up to the two of you. I think you need a lot of self introspection. You need to see how your actions impact others. You need to learn to love yourself and stop trying to mask yourself and your worth behind material items. I know you’ll deny that but that’s the way it comes off. It shouldn’t always be about what you want or how you feel. Think about your loved ones for once. Sadly if you keep up this behavior you’ll end up with no one.
thanks, I’m not going to disagree with you except the part when you said I make Brady feel like crap. how? he has been treating me like I don’t exist for literally a week. I may have had a temper tantrum but I’ve never just ignored him for a week
“It seems to me that you want to be a kept woman who has the freedom to live the life of a single woman.” << SPOT ON.
while most of the more detailed posts are very accurate, this one line puts everything into a nutshell.
Reese, i know you're just being defensive B/C you're hurt and that you know it's not really over with Brady (at least not yet) and that you wanting to go to see Devin is a big F-U to Brady for not speaking to you in a week, but i think you really need to take peoples advice seriously, this will do irreparable damage to life as you know it. evaluate what you want from life and from Brady, and if you want it to work a non-unicorn couples therapist would do wonders because you both have bad communication but also other individual issues (your attention seeking + jealousy & brady being unable to take his balls out of his moms purse). Use your talent, write a raging burn letter to brady, then burn it and write another letter laying out what you haven't been able to say up to now about how you feel about him.
So I think you need to look past just this week. Maybe Brady not speaking to you for a week should give you some insight on how it feels to be disrespected. Imagine what it feels like to feel the way you feel now all the time.
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE!!! Listen to Kendra and Luke and do not see Devin. Block him. He is a MAJOR step back. I speak from experience. I had an ex BF that I let in again (and again. AND AGAIN.) because he said all the right things when I was vulnerable and how did that play out? The last time I got fed up and cut him out he ran off to Vegas and got married to some other chick a month later. And then called me at 6:45 in the morning and woke me up to tell me about it the Monday after it happened. I kept saying the same things you did here: he’s grown up now, he’s changed, he cares about me. Um. No. (As a side note, he STILL is trying to contact me. He sent me a contact invite via Linked-in last year. Ridiculous.) Devin HAS TO GO. He is toxic for you. Whatever may come with Brady, you are vulnerable, Devin knows this and you will get hurt by him. Even if things don’t work out with Brady, Devin is not the answer. If not Brady, at least love yourself enough to find a man that you don’t have a toxic history with. Talk to Kendra some more about this. She is right and knows BOTH you and Devin with far more emotional objectivity. Talk to Luke. He is also objective. And be ready to listen to them even if they don’t tell you what you want to hear.
You sound like you are at a major make or break crossroads with Brady here. My gut tells me that if you two do split this time, you are really done. Not like your break last year. Make sure that’s really what you want before you split. I hope you find a solution to your problems with Brady that you can truly be at peace with, whether it be making up or breaking up. I also will say one can go through VERY rough patches in a relationship and get through them stronger, but this takes real work. My husband and I did several years into our marriage and were using the word “divorce” almost every day. Our problems were not unlike yours and Brady’s which amounted to an impasse in communication: we simply did not know how to talk to each other and would blow up over the stupidest shit. It sucked. We got through it. I am not trying to bias you one way or another, but to counsel you to not act impulsively.
Lastly, try not to be too pissed at your dad for trying to umpire yours and Brady’s issues. He loves you was trying to help you, even if he was being extra extra clueless male about it. (All men are clueless. Even your dad. Again I speak from experience and I adore my dad.)
thank you lol
I don’t think the way Brady is acting is justified at all! You might not get an award for girlfriend of the year, but you do deserve to be treated better. Though I agree with most everybody that you should NOT see Devin, I think a lot of people are being mean when it isn’t necessary. You let us into your life by blogging, but we don’t see the whole picture. We see the stuff you share with us. The problems, the drama, etc. I’ve always seen problems with Brady’s lack of communication, because my husband is not a good communicator by nature, either. From everything you share with us, you both deserve to be treated better than you sometimes treat each other. Maybe you need to decide if it is a relationship you want to work on, or not. Make that decision for you. Not for Brady, not for your friends or family, and certainly not for your blog readers!
yeah, I mean ignoring me for days upon days on end is not okay
I think you need to getaway for a couple of days. Ask Kendra if she would be willing to go with you. Plan a weekend of spa treatments in a nearby city or rent a house for the weekend on a lake with a boat rental. Whatever you fancy- something to let you get away from the situation to take a healthy look back at it. Take a notebook with you and write all the things you love about your life, things that need improvement and things that need to go away – act on them when you return. On the next page, write your expectations and what you want, goals you have for this year (for yourself and your relationship) and goals you have only up to 5 years. When you get back, I think you should have Brady write out his goals too and trade papers and read each others out loud. Encourage those goals, that’s what being a partner is all about. Hopefully having like minded goals or goals that are similar with a little compromise will help you both to see that you want the same things.
I think Devin is a comfort for you to make you feel wanted while Brady is making you feel less than. Let him go. It’s only an ego boost for you both.
Also- sorry for some of the behavior of some of your readers, they must not have been raised to be humane, respectful individuals.
Good luck girl!
K…I’ve been reading this book called Attached. It’s really good…it’s been so eye opening about my tendencies in dating. And as weird as this might sound I couldn’t help but think that it might be helpful for you too. Check it out. I rolled my eyes when my therapist first suggested it and it has honestly sat on my shelf for a couple years. Now I’m wishing I would have read it sooner! You’re not as crazy as you might feel. xoxo
I’ll look it up!
Attached changed my life. It’s an amazing book!!
PLEASE don’t go visit Devin! It’s not even about my feelings about Devin, but more about my love for you and Brady as a couple. I think going to visit Devin will make Brady feel very disrespected by you, and will hurt your relationship with him.
I completely get needing to feel loved and valued, and how you’re not getting that from Brady right now. Instead of seeking out an ego boost from Devin, can you get support from your girls and Preston and Luke?
Good luck, Reese! I love reading about your life!
I’m not going to visit him, don’t worry!
Whoever compared the way you speak to your dad to the way you speak to Brady hit the nail on the head. And after reading this post I see where your behavior comes from. You called your dad whining and he dropped everyone to come to you and you expected that. So now you’re disrespectful to brady and still expect him to bend over backwards for you. The way you talked to your own dad was disgusting. I hope it is because you’re lashing out about your parent separating and that’s not how you always talk to him. And even after the way you treat him he still does whatever you want. You’re a spoiled brat who’s used to getting her way and walking all over the people in her life
I agree with Luke and Kendra and I think somewhere in you know what they said is true too, otherwise you probably wouldn’t tell us about it.
Do listen to that part of you and consider if having Devin back in your life is really sensible right now.
And Brady asked and perhaps even pleaded that you respect him. Please take that into consideration when you grab your phone and text/call Devin. Put yourself in his shoes too.
Important thing is you are genuinely happy with every decisions you made and the consequences that come out of it. 🌷
thank you for your comment
Honestly, I think we’re quite alike. My boyfriend is like Brady, he’s rarely open with how he feels and he avoids confrontation. I say/do things to get a reaction from him and that may not be what you do but in my situation I just want him to tell me what he wants from our relationship, does he want to get married. I JUST WANT HIM TO COMMUNICATE. My boyfriend doesn’t tell me things and then gets so surprised when I’m pissed when I find out. I’m your girl, you are meant to want me to know things about your life. I think you should fight for Brady, you’re a great match and maybe you have a few issues but so do all of us. I don’t think anyone can say that they have a perfect relationship. Work on communication and just remember you’re not alone. A lot of us are like you and are in a similar situation. Good luck boo!
Horrible. Just horrible. I can’t even count the number of commenters that have told you repeatedly that you treat Brady with zero respect. It’s a constant theme in the comments. And now you say in this post you finally see how disrespectful you are because he said it. Thank god you finally see it. <–Sarcasm there, because after you woke him up to tell him that you're sorry for disrespecting him, you roll over and text your ex. What is that, if not disrespect? You should definitely break up with Brady so he can find someone who isn't going to stomp all over him, call him names, and use his money like their own. Go ahead and go see Devin, a man that is an ass by your own words. But hey, you're an ass too so maybe you do belong together.
yes. I finally see! 🙌
Great! Now go break up with Brady, hop on a plane, and go fuck that horrible ex-boyfriend of yours! Then after you’ve done that, you’ll get treated like shit because he will no longer care about you (it really is all about the chase for that kind of guy). Then you get to come home to a house you share with your ex-boyfriend and feel like the ultimate shit for not even trying to make a relationship work with Brady. (And don’t tell me that you’ve tried. You haven’t. You’ve whined….and thrown tantrums…..and cried….and gotten drunk….)
girl please, you wish that would happen
I feel sad for you both. Brady was raised by cold, emotionless parents; whereas, your own parents adore you, to the point of actually spoiling you. I remember when you bought your bmw and I feel like I remember your dad offering to match your down payment? Your parents aren’t doing any favors for you by treating you like that; all they have succeeded in doing is turning you into a spoiled brat. I have read your blog from the beginning, and have definitely seen growth in you, but you still have a lot of difficulty expressing yourself in a constructive and effective manner. Brady shuts down when y’all get into a fight and you explode like a volcano. It’s kind of ridiculous how you can’t seem to just LISTEN to Brady. He is telling you exactly what you need to hear, and yet you still believe he isn’t communicating with you. What do you want from him?! What are you expecting?? I haven’t seen yihbrjsbn
Whoops…ended that comment with gibberish…lol. I haven’t seen you make any effort to show Brady that you love and respect him. You’re more worried with what he can buy you, rather than how he his feeling.
Like what other commenters have posted how you get PISSED if Brady talks to any female that isn’t you, and yet you are constantly having inappropriate conversations with men. And when anyone calls you on it, you get defensive and say we are only hearing part of the story. Well, if you want us to hear the full story, write about you. We base our opinions off what YOU are writing, so you are giving us the info to base our impression on.
People are too harsh. I’m a total bitch even when I blindly think I’m being nice.
Just this: re-read what he said to you in your post. He asked if you loved him, you never answered that you do. He said he wants to spend everyday with you, you kinda dismissed him by saying you say that all the time or something but he wanted to hear it then. He needs to hear it now, sober, straight up, that you love him and want to be with him and want to learn what being respectful means to him. And he needs to learn what communicating means to you. Y’all can do this.