if i wasn’t a jealous psycho. 

Since our flight to New York was at 6 PM on Friday, I convinced Brady to take a short day on Friday and also Thursday so we could pack and clean and mentally prepare for the weekend.

So anyway, on Thursday I had Brady’s phone because I wanted to upload a picture to Instagram for him. I don’t know why he gave me that kind of freedom, but I mistakenly took advantage of the free reign. I went to his photo albums and scrolled way to the top. I was pretty unimpressed by the lack of interesting pictures in his phone until I scrolled past a video. It looked like someone’s butt was in the frame so out of curiosity, I pressed play.

It was a sex video. You could see whoever was taking the video (Brady) hitting a girl from the back with her ass taking up most of the screen. She was moaning loudly and kind of obnoxiously, but I couldn’t tell who it was from the video. I screamed.

Brady was standing a few feet away from me and lunged for his phone when he realized what was going on.

“Brady, you made a sex tape?” I squealed.

“That’s so old. I didn’t even know I still had it,” he said, once he had possession of his phone. His face was turning red and I could tell he was really embarrassed.

I started laughing uncontrollably. I couldn’t stop.

“Who is that?” I asked.

“No one,” Brady mumbled.

I don’t know why I found Brady’s sex tape so hilarious, but all I could do was laugh. He still won’t tell me who it was and refuses to speak about it. It’s too old to be Jessica and too recent to be Anna and it obviously isn’t me. I guess I don’t really care, but I just want to know. You have to be pretty close with someone to let them record you having sex.

Brady’s parents have been spending a lot of time in New York City recently and Brady and I had a trip to NYC planned for next month so we moved our flights to kill two birds with one stone. I’m not exactly sure why we were meeting them, but I just went along with it.

When we arrived on Friday evening, we checked into our room then headed out to Brady’s cousin’s place. Remember when I met Brady’s annoying cousin, Landon, last year? I don’t know why I even agreed to go hang out with him again. But I guess if Brady and I are going to get married then I need to get along with his family.

Landon lives in Brooklyn (obviously since he’s such a hipster) in the cutest brownstone. I honestly though he might live in a basement or something just to seem more cultured, but nope.

There were already a few friends there when we got there and they were all sitting on the couch watching one of the friends play the guitar. It was weird. Brady and I sat at the tiny two person dining table and eventually Landon asked if we wanted a shot. We said yes.

Landon poured six shots of Fireball, two for each of us. So disgusting and desperate. I demanded a real drink after that and he handed me a beer.

So we sat there listening to the guitar and drinking while more friends showed up. I was really, really surprised when about an hour later, Brady’s ex, Anna showed up. Like, are you kidding me?

She came in squealing and threw her arms around Landon. Everyone calls him Bernie or Bern for some reason. So she’s like, “Bernie!” hugged him and then kissed him on both cheeks. Landon is a little bit overweight and kind of clammy all the time so I was grossed out. I’ve never seen her so enthusiastic about anything. 

Brady stood up to greet her and she hugged him also. When they pulled away, she waved at me and said, “Good to see you.”

She’d dyed her hair darker, but still hadn’t gotten any color to her skin and her hazel eyes really stood out. She looked like a witch. It was creepy.

“Yeah!” I said back. Honestly, I wasn’t trying to be rude or bitchy, I just didn’t know what to say. 

Anna went to make her rounds and Brady sat back down. I reached over to grab Brady’s hand and I accidentally grabbed his crotch and he jumped. We both laughed.

“Can’t you save that for a little bit later?” he asked.

I shook my head. “No.”

Brady grabbed my hand and put it on his dick, which was growing hard. I started rubbing it and we just stared at each other until Landon shouted his name. We looked up.

“Dude. Brexit?” Landon said.

They all started talking about it and I knew better than to say anything so I just sat there. Eventually one of Landon’s friends suggested we play a drinking game, thank goodness, so we pulled the table out so more people could sit down.

We played a card game and Brady and Anna kept making weird eye contact. I don’t know if I would have noticed it if I wasn’t a jealous psycho, but I just kept watching them. So much so that I wasn’t paying any attention to the game and kept having to drink.

Once the game was over, I decided to run to the bathroom before the next game started. I went in and did my business, then sat on the toilet for a little while checking Instagram, Snapchat, etc. I finally opened the bathroom door to go back out there and Brady was standing there waiting.

“What the fuck!” I gasped because he startled me.

Brady smirked and then nudged me back into the small bathroom, pushing the door shut behind us.

“Why were you in here for so long?” he asked.

I shrugged. I turned around to look at myself in the mirror and Brady pushed his pelvis against me. I gave him a look in the mirror.

“What are you trying to do?” I asked.

“You. Now,” he said with a straight face.

I smirked at him. I was wearing a pair of One Teaspoon bandit shorts and Brady reached around to unbutton them. I grabbed his hand.

“What? I can’t wait until later,” he said. “You can’t touch me like that and then expect me to wait.”

“Yes, I can and you’re gonna have to,” I smiled.

Brady groaned and continue trying to unbutton my shorts. I finally let him and he yanked them down and made me step out of them. He turned me around so I was facing him, knealt down and started kissing my thighs. How am I supposed to say no to that? I couldn’t.

Brady slid my thong down to my ankles and motioned for me to step out of them.

“Are you sure?” I asked. I felt weird about being in his cousin’s bathroom basically naked.

“Come on,” he said, sounding impatient.

I did as instructed and Brady proceeded to eat me out. I grabbed onto his hair and desperately tried to keep quiet. Brady’s hair has grown out and is cut kind of like Justin Timberlake’s. Super hipster and adorable. He keeps mentioning meaning to go get it chopped off, but he looks pretty hot so I tell him not to. And that night, he had a little bit of stubble on his face so he looked so good. Usually Brady shaves everyday so I’m not used to him having any facial hair. It’s light and blondish, but still. Sexy.

Brady legitimately enjoys going down on me. It’s obvious when someone enjoys giving oral and when they’re doing it just because they feel obligated to.

A few minutes later, we heard Landon call, “Baby Brady?”

I froze, but Brady continued. He looked up at me and moaned and I almost lost it.

“Baby Brady?” Landon called again. “Are you and the girl coming to the bar?”

Again Brady didn’t even indicate that he’d heard Landon so I said, “Just a minute!”

About a minute later, I came and Brady stood up. “Okay, let’s go.”

“K.” I put my clothes back on and Brady started to open the door to leave, but I stopped him. “Fix your hair!”

It was so disheveled and messy. Brady caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and splashed some water in his hair to push it back then he was ready to walk back out there.

Everyone was waiting and watched us walk out there. Actually so embarrassing.

“Yeah, we’re ready,” Brady said.

We walked across the street to a super crowded dive bar. Brady and Anna started talking at the bar while waiting to order drinks and to my surprise, Landon invited me to take a shot with him.

I didn’t even ask what it was and just took the shot. It was clear and I assumed it was just tequila or vodka or something. It was disgusting and I made a face when we finished.
“Ew. What was that?” I asked.

Landon threw a meaty arm around my shoulder. “Everclear, baby! Go big or go home!”

Ugh. I don’t think shots of Everclear are even legal. I decided that it was probably the last drink I needed for the night and sat in the barstool next to where Brady was standing.

I spent the next hour or so rubbing his back and whispering stuff to him before he finally turned around and asked if I was ready to go back to the hotel. I couldn’t nod fast enough.

Brady closed our tab and announced that we were leaving and Anna kissed him on the cheek. I leaned around him and gave her a look and she gave me a startled smile.

“I hope you enjoy your trip,” she said to both of us.

“We will. I hope you enjoy your life,” I said back. 

Anna giggled and gave Brady a puzzled look. I grabbed his hand and dragged him out of there. 

“I hate her,” I announced on our cab ride back to the hotel back.

And then I immediately passed out. Brady informed me that as we were getting out I told the cab driver that I loved him and I also told the hotel concierge that I loved him. I don’t remember that.

The next morning, we woke up to get ready because we were meeting up with his parents. They were meeting with a realtor to look at property then we were going to lunch. After we were ready, we got the bright idea to get tequila for breakfast. We got on Google maps and found a liquor store within walking distance. We got a bottle of José, a bottle of lemonade and a bottle of water. And then, like actual bums, we went in an alley and poured the water out of the bottle and replaced it with the tequila.

There was still a little bit of tequila leftover so we took turns chugging it until it was gone. An actual low point in my life. I was feeling pretty tipsy and giggly after that. It was around 10 AM at this point and a pizza food cart had just opened so I insisted we go. While we were standing on the curb smacking on pizza, Brady’s mom called.

“Yeah?” he answered. Obviously he was feeling the alcohol too because he would normally never speak to his mom like that.

“We’re on our way. Be there soon,” Brady said.

We hailed a cab and finished off our pizza on the way there. Then we passed the water bottle back and forth because we just weren’t drunk enough yet. When we arrived and Brady gave the cab driver a $20 tip, I knew we were probably good.
Brady’s parents were waiting for us outside the building. His mom watched while we got out of the cab and then tapped her wrist super dramatically and scowled at us. The woman is just never in a good mood.

“Hi!” I greeted them, walking ahead of Brady.

His mom didn’t reach out to hug me so I put my hand out to shake her hand. She shook mine. His dad wanted a hug though and it wasn’t until I hugged him that I realized he had lost a bit of weight. Poor guy. 

“I thought I said ten o’clock,” I heard the mom say to Brady.

“I can’t remember. We are here now though,” Brady said. They hugged.

“Let’s head up. Sue is waiting,” Brady’s mom said and we followed her into the building. 

I’m not exactly sure why Brady’s parents are trying to buy a place in New York, but apparently they’ve been looking for a few months now. The apartment they were looking at was on the 37th floor and was one of two apartments on the floor.
The lady showing the apartment, Sue, was waiting for us and Brady’s mom went into the main living area to talk to her. Brady and I made a pit stop in the huge bathroom right off the foyer.

“I am literally drunk,” I told him.

“Literally?” he mocked me, smiling.

I kissed him. I pulled away and Brady grabbed my ass. 

“Hey, where are you going?” he asked me.

“To go suck up to your mother,” I answered.

“That isn’t gonna help at this point,” Brady informed me which didn’t register to me until later. Does he mean that his mom already hates me?

He started trying to feel me up through my dress and I smacked his hand away then went back out there to join the group.

We toured the apartment (it was super nice and rather large), but Brady’s mom said she was looking for something a little more homey. She didn’t want to live in such a huge building.

After that, a car came to take us to lunch not too far away. We probably could have walked. It was a bougie little spot with a rooftop and since it was nice out, we requested a table outside on the rooftop. Brady’s mom made the host move our table to a more shaded area, requested an umbrella to shade us from the sun and when she discovered that they didn’t actually have table umbrellas, she demanded we be moved indoors. 

After we were finally seated to her satisfaction, she ordered a bottle of prosecco before the server even brought out a menu or wine list.

The table was quiet while we scanned the menus. Brady and I were texting back and forth and by the time the server came back to take our order, I hadn’t even decided on anything. I just asked for a house salad.

“Do you want wine?” Brady’s mom asked, once the server came back with the bottle.

I nodded and she kind of rolled her eyes and motioned for the guy to pour a glass for me too. I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at her. 

“I’m glad the two of you could make it this weekend,” Brady’s dad said. His mom nodded in agreement which was the nicest thing I’d seen her do all day.

“Us too! It worked out well since we were going to come next month anyway,” I said.

“Now, what suddenly makes you want to get married?” Brady’s mom asked. She looked at me. “Is it true that you want to get married?”

I nodded. 

Brady glanced at me and said, “Reese and I have discussed it for a while now so it isn’t a sudden decision, Mom.”

Hahaha at “discussed it for a while.”

“Well this is the first I’ve heard of it. I even asked you if that was something you saw in your future.”

“We’ve thought it through, don’t worry. We don’t need to be lectured or anything at this point. We even saw a counselor. Like a therapist or whatever,” Brady said. I realized, to my horror, that he was kind of slurring.

“Yeah, we saw a couples therapist. She’s great. And we’ve been going to church with our married friends too because they said their relationship with God has helped their relationship with each other,” I put in. I was pretty proud of myself for that statement.

Brady’s mom just looked at me.

“How do your parents feel?” Brady’s dad asked me. 

“Fine. They love Brady so they’re excited, obvi. Ously.” I realized Brady’s parents probably wouldn’t understand or appreciate “obvi” so I caught myself.

“That’s wonderful. We’d love to be able to spend more time with them. If our children are going to be joined together forever, then we’d better get used to each other,” Brady’s dad laughed.

I smiled at him for being so open to the idea. 

Brady suddenly announced that he was going to the bathroom and got up. He walked away slowly and I could tell he was drunk and trying hard not to be obvious about it. 

Brady’s mom took a sip of her wine. “I think it’s great that you and my son are wanting to settle down with each other.” I noted the way she said “my son” possessively. “You will have marriage counseling with our family pastor before you even think of expecting a ring from him. There are things going on in Chicago that we will just not tolerate in this family.”

What the fuck was she even talking about? Us living together? After we are married, it won’t even be an issue anymore.

“Totally. We’d love to meet with your pastor. I bet he’s great.” I took a sip of my wine.

“I want your mother’s telephone number to discuss this, as well,” Brady’s mom demanded.

“Sure,” I said coolly. “Do you want me to text it to you?”

She looked confused. “Okay.”

When Brady got back, his mom kept talking about what we needed to do and figure out before we were allowed to even think of getting engaged. Have we talked about where we will live? Our career goals? Was I okay with moving for his career? Did we plan on joining a church? Our drunk asses answered her like pros.

After lunch and way too much wine, Brady and I wanted to go nap, but his mom decided to take us to a Barnes and Noble because she wanted to buy some books for us. What the fuck.

We got in the car and Brady and shared the rest of the tequila in the backseat. Precisely what we needed. When we got to Barnes and Noble, I picked up a bunch of recipe books from the bargain aisle and put them in my basket.

“For when I’m a stay at home wifey,” I announced when Brady and I went back and joined his parents. His mom just looked at me.

“I think this one will be good for the two of you to read together. Perhaps take on one chapter a night and discuss it. I’ll see if there are any worksheets online you can printout,” Brady’s mom said, holding up a big hardback book with flowers on the front.

She got one for both me and Brady and then got a book specifically for me. Something about being a Christian wife. It was kind of insulting.

“What did your parents make you do before y’all got married?” I asked Brady’s mom after we left the store.

“My husband’s family and my family had spent a great deal of time together before we decided to get married. You know, a marriage isn’t just between two people. It’s between two families. And God,” Brady’s mom said.

“Cute,” I replied.

Later on in the evening, Brady’s parents finally dropped us back off at our hotel. We were leaving early Sunday morning though so Brady’s dad suggested they treat us to dinner at the restaurant in our lobby. I couldn’t even hide my eye roll.

Brady and I were sobering up and exhausted by this point and didn’t contribute much to the dinner conversation. I got some sort of poached egg and asparagus dish, but honestly I needed something heavier since I hadn’t eaten much throughout the day.

“I really hope you two enjoy the book and take something from it. Marriage is a lifetime commitment so you have to put the work in before and during,” Brady’s mom said.

Brady and I both grunted in response.

After I finished the last bite of my food, I immediately started getting nauseous.

“I’m literally going to vomit,” I announced because everyone needed to know.

“Literally?” I heard Brady say next to me, but I didn’t have time for teasing.

I jumped up and saw the server arriving and Brady’s mom asked her to direct me to a restroom.

“What is wrong with her?” I heard her ask as I dashed away.

So I threw up my entire life and cried because I was embarrassed. I texted Brady, “What did your mom say?” 

And he replied, “Tell her you’re allergic to something in the food.”

I pulled myself to go back out there and Brady’s mom glared at me as I sat back down.

“I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to something I just ate,” I said, following Brady’s instructions.

“Oh, really?” his mom said, crossing her arms.

Later on, Brady told me that after I left, she said, “Is she pregnant? Is that why you’re suddenly in a hurry to marry her?” And started yelling at him about premarital sex. So glad I got to miss that.

As we walked out of the restaurant though, she flat out asked me, “Are you pregnant?” but she asked so Brady and his dad couldn’t hear.

“No. I’m on the pill,” I told her. 

And her mouth just dropped open, but she didn’t say anything. Maybe TMI?

After Brady’s parents left, we got in bed and slept like babies until the morning. I’m still trying to figure out if this weekend was good or bad. I mean, overall it sounds like Brady’s parents are okay with the idea of us getting married and his mom seems to want to help which is nice. Even if she is going to be a little bit overbearing, at least she wants us to work out. It’s not like she’s trying to stop it. You know what I’m nervous about? Brady’s mom and my mom talking. I didn’t tell Brady’s mom that my parents are separated, but I’m afraid my mom will. She has no filter.

I’m super busy with work this week, but I’ll try to update again before the weekend. I have much more drama to tell y’all about! 

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28 thoughts on “if i wasn’t a jealous psycho. 

  1. Hebbsxo says:

    i am so proud of Brady treating you better & sticking it to his mom! and you both for working hard at this. relationships are hard work- keep it up!

  2. Mandy says:

    hahah Im such a bitch. As I read this all I could think was if this me I would elope the next weekend just to piss her off for demanding how our lives were run. At least I would have preteded to elope anyways

      • Mandy says:

        You could also have fun with this…do everything she wants and freak Brady out hahah. Would be funny to see how long you could keep it up before breaking 😛

  3. ali.b says:

    This was a cool post- love to read about u and Brady just being a fun couple and having a good time together. This reminded me of me and my boyfriend (drinking together, teasing each other) partners in crime! Also, love that Brady stood up for u and ur relationship.

  4. Brady’s mom blows my mind. She makes Emily Gilmore look warm and fuzzy. (Hi, I’m binge watching Gilmore girls while I wait for the new episodes to be released!) She’s so obsessed with being proper, but she’s so wildly inappropriate that it negates everything else. I would have snapped on her by now. I’m impressed with your ability to keep it cool with her because I couldn’t.

  5. leo says:

    I literally LOL’d at “Im on the pill”. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I would have loved to be a fly on the wall for that one moment.

    Also, there is no need for her to have your moms contact info to “discuss” the wedding, she has NO SAY!!!!. Nor do you need to do counselling with HER pastor. The next time she pulls that crap that “there are things she will just not allow” remind her of her own damn words, word for word, that a marriage is between two people and God, not the two people and her. Also, good job to Brady for being less of a pushover, but he needs to lay the law down harder. No JADE-ing (J-justify, A-argue, D-defend, E-explain) you guys are adults if she can’t trust that she did a good job teaching Brady to adult on his own she must have been a crappy mother, and i don’t think she’d say she was soooo…..

    Some good phrases for you to stash in the back of your mind for your next encounter with her:
    -That doesn’t work for us
    -No (despite contrary belief, no is a complete sentence)
    -We will be doing it our way
    -My uterus is none of your concern
    -Because we are adults and make our own decisions
    -I will give that all the consideration it deserves
    -Brady, did you hear that? Your mom is asking about the status of my uterus. (do this a lot, draw him into the moments where she tries to get you alone to divide and conquer, it holds her accountable to a witness, it also puts him in the position to deal with her passive aggressive crap)

    Thanks for this post, I have been checking back fairly often – looking forward to your next update.

    • Eventually you will have to put your foot down and those are awesome suggestions above. I’ve always found that “Thanks for that suggestion” is a good one too.

    • omg. thank you! at first I regretted my comment about being on the pill but I don’t even care. maybe she will stop asking me if I’m pregnant all the time now.

  6. Sara says:

    Man. Brady’s mom has issues. I mean SERIOUS issues. I think you and Brady need to take a tip from Hunter and Dom and move several thousand miles away from her. You are a lot more patient with her than I would be.

  7. Krissy says:

    I guess my opinion won’t be popular. Anyhow, put yourself in Brady’s mom’s shoes. Everytime she’s met you you’ve been drunk or just finished having sex with her son. You hardly give a shit and don’t even try to act like a normal person. Honestly, if my brother brought home someone that has acted like you I’d wouldn’t like you much either. There are multiple times you’ve thrown up in her presence because you can’t control yourself or hold your liquor. Grow the fuck up. You’re 26 not a 20 year old sorority girl. Brady’s mom said two things that are quite interesting…one she mentioned to Brady that she asked him before about him marrying and settling down with you and he apparently said no. Then she mentioned things that happened in Chicago…makes me think that Brady tells her more than you think.

    • I hardly give a shit about what? I’ve tried to make a good impression for her but she had her mind made up that she didn’t like me. and I don’t know what Brady tells his mother, but I don’t think anything that he would tell her would be inappropriate.

    • Why should she try or give a shit when Brady’s mom has consistently treated her like an asshole. Reese tried. She tried sober, nice, and respectful. It didn’t work for her. So I can’t says I blame her (or brady) for getting toasted before seeing her. I’d probably smoke my damn knee caps off before meeting this horrible woman (I’m 38 by the way).
      And as for the sex….get over it. Reese and Brady have a health sex life. They happen to see his parents in hotels and hotels are made for sex. 🙂 They are young and (usually) in love. I’d be doing it all over the hotel room too. Still do actually…even when my MIL is right next door. 😉

      • Liz says:

        Since you’re obviously reading a different blog than the rest of us or maybe you have the inside scoop on Reese and Brady’s relationship when was Reese respectful, sober and trying to be nice? Sorry but she has never tried and its bullshit that this is justified behavior because Brady’s mom has standards. Reese has never tried and looks her nose down at anyone that doesn’t look or dress the part. She’s a typical self centered, entitled millennial who bitches and whines about everyone being so mean to her yet she’s the biggest shit talker. karma is a bitch. Reading about Reese’s childish behavior is entertaining but makes me sad when I realize this is a grown woman. It’s funny how you always choose to comment on other people’s comments instead of stating what you think about the post. It’s disrespectful to be late to dinner or whatever with Brady’s mom, be so drunk that you’re getting sick and hiding and crying like a two year old. Would your mil have condoned or appreciated that behavior when you were dating her son? I bet you tried to make a good impression and didn’t act the fool like Reese.

  8. mum says:

    While I hear what Krissy is saying, this post had me LOL many times…LITERALLY! I normally wouldn’t suggest being intoxicated when dealing with one’s future MIL, but this bitch might be the exception. mum

  9. e says:

    Brady’s mom is so nuts 😦 you’re soooo patient

    what was the deal with Brady and his ex btw? did you ask or didn’t mind?

    so glad you guys had fun though!!!

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