I have a confession. Do y’all remember that guy, Christian, who I met when I was back home in Houston? Well, we’ve been keeping in contact. And I don’t know, I kind of like him. I think with Brady, I love that he inspires me to be better, to do better and to think (he coached me through all of the election shit). But Christian inspires me to be myself. I don’t like him and like, want to be with him (I love Brady), but I guess I’ve been caught up in our own little world.
I don’t why I’m like this y’all. Maybe I’m just not the kind of person who is made for a monogamous relationship. I don’t know when and where to draw the line. I enjoy talking to people. I love making people obsessed with me. I feel like I need that to thrive.
And when Brady caught wind of what was going on with Christian, he suggested we take a break. It wasn’t even that he was mad or frustrated at me, he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I protested, but he insisted and then he pulled out his laptop and started working.
So that’s what got me thinking that maybe something is just wrong with me. And I don’t know how to handle a real life relationship. I sent Brady an email apologizing, asking for forgiveness and assuring him that I wouldn’t do it again. He didn’t reply and then I figured maybe I do need time to think.
The next couple days we didn’t see each other and literally just slept in the bed together because we had to. On Saturday morning, Kendra and John invited us to brunch and we made plans to go like nothing was wrong. On our way there, Brady got a text message and actually smiled at his phone when he read it. He’d gone to a Cubs game the night before with friends (I had no right to ask with who) and I suddenly started to think, maybe he wants this break because he found someone else.
You know that lump you get in your throat when you want to cry, but you can’t? I kind of felt like I was in control of the situation prior to that, like yeah Brady had called for a break, but he was still obsessed with me and hadn’t asked me to move out because our break would be over soon, right?
I was a total mute at brunch and Kendra picked up on it.
“Reese, are you okay? You always have so much to say,” she said.
They all looked at me and Brady even gave me a little smile.
“How rude. Yes I’m okay. I’m just thinking about what I’m going to wear to the bar later,” I said.
That night I went to a bar with Lexi and Scott texted me. He had a friend in town from England and was showing him around River North. And so we ended up at the same bar.
“So nice to finally get to see you outside the confines of that office,” he greeted me.
I rolled my eyes.
“Wait, Reese, your boss is actually hot,” Lexi whispered in my ear.
I probably used to think Scott was hot, but now that I know him not so much. And that accent just doesn’t have the same affect on me that it has on other women.
The four of us hung out at the bar and I noticed that a ring-less Scott and Lexi seemed to be hitting it off. I was having fun so I didn’t care. Until I glanced over and saw Scott standing behind Lexi with his arms wrapped around her waist. Wait, what? And suddenly it dawned on me: maybe Scott isn’t obsessed with me or in love with me. Maybe I was just the closest hot girl he could have an affair with. And since obviously I wasn’t biting, he’d moved on to Lexi. Ew.
“Well I’m gonna go,” I announced.
And to my surprise, Lexi and Scott just waved me off. I called my Uber and went home. I don’t even know what I was feeling. Jealousy? Why was I so grossed out?
When I got home Brady was home and we hooked up. And then after we finished Brady announced that he was going to shower and sleep downstairs. What the fuck? Even though we’d been on a break, we were continuing to sleep in the same bed and even cuddling some nights. So I definitely felt rejected or like he regretted hooking up with me.
After Brady left I saw that Scott had texted me a couple times.
“Hey, where did you go?” and “I need to see you.”
Needless to say I didn’t respond to that.
On Sunday night, Brady and I went to a bar together to watch the game. I don’t know if I just needed to tell someone or what, but I blabbed to him what happened with Scott and Lexi.
“Wait, you met up with your boss at the bar?” he clarified.
“I mean, yeah…” I said, suddenly regretting my story.
Brady gave me a weird look. “Oh.”
“But he’s moved on to Lexi. He’s not interested in me anymore, thank God.”
Brady took a sip of his beer and didn’t say anything. He’s the one who wanted a break so how can he be upset about me hanging out with other people? Especially because I caught him texting Jessica. Jessica. And asking her where she was watching Game 6.
So I have another confession. I stopped taking birth control. And I haven’t told Brady. As far as I know we are still on this stupid break, but we’ve had sex several times. And this sounds bad, but I feel like if I get pregnant then he will have to be with me and not Jessica or whoever else. I say that because he went out the following Tuesday to watch the game, didn’t invite me and came home at almost 3:00 am. And then he immediately got in the shower before even coming to say anything to me. And that led me to believe he must have hooked up with someone. Right? Probably Jessica? Just the thought makes me want to jump off a bridge.
I don’t know. Relationships are stupid and hard. I want nothing more than to be with Brady for eternity. I know y’all don’t believe that and at this point he probably doesn’t either, and I don’t know how to express that to him. Especially since my actions haven’t exactly showed it. I’m so bad at this! And this is why I’ll never get married or be happy. I know everything I’m doing now is super stupid, but I seriously don’t know what to do. The thought of not being with Brady physically hurts.
**If you voted for Trump, please don’t read my blog anymore.
***Update: for those who were asking about the baseball player I dated for a little bit. He may have played for the other Chicago team 🙂 and he is actually no longer on that team either. So no, he’s not a World Series champion now!