i have a confession.

I have a confession. Do y’all remember that guy, Christian, who I met when I was back home in Houston? Well, we’ve been keeping in contact. And I don’t know, I kind of like him. I think with Brady, I love that he inspires me to be better, to do better and to think (he coached me through all of the election shit). But Christian inspires me to be myself. I don’t like him and like, want to be with him (I love Brady), but I guess I’ve been caught up in our own little world.

I don’t why I’m like this y’all. Maybe I’m just not the kind of person who is made for a monogamous relationship. I don’t know when and where to draw the line. I enjoy talking to people. I love making people obsessed with me. I feel like I need that to thrive.

And when Brady caught wind of what was going on with Christian, he suggested we take a break. It wasn’t even that he was mad or frustrated at me, he said it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I protested, but he insisted and then he pulled out his laptop and started working.

So that’s what got me thinking that maybe something is just wrong with me. And I don’t know how to handle a real life relationship. I sent Brady an email apologizing, asking for forgiveness and assuring him that I wouldn’t do it again. He didn’t reply and then I figured maybe I do need time to think.

The next couple days we didn’t see each other and literally just slept in the bed together because we had to. On Saturday morning, Kendra and John invited us to brunch and we made plans to go like nothing was wrong. On our way there, Brady got a text message and actually smiled at his phone when he read it. He’d gone to a Cubs game the night before with friends (I had no right to ask with who) and I suddenly started to think, maybe he wants this break because he found someone else.

You know that lump you get in your throat when you want to cry, but you can’t? I kind of felt like I was in control of the situation prior to that, like yeah Brady had called for a break, but he was still obsessed with me and hadn’t asked me to move out because our break would be over soon, right?

I was a total mute at brunch and Kendra picked up on it.

“Reese, are you okay? You always have so much to say,” she said.

They all looked at me and Brady even gave me a little smile.

“How rude. Yes I’m okay. I’m just thinking about what I’m going to wear to the bar later,” I said.

That night I went to a bar with Lexi and Scott texted me. He had a friend in town from England and was showing him around River North. And so we ended up at the same bar.

“So nice to finally get to see you outside the confines of that office,” he greeted me.

I rolled my eyes.

“Wait, Reese, your boss is actually hot,” Lexi whispered in my ear.

I probably used to think Scott was hot, but now that I know him not so much. And that accent just doesn’t have the same affect on me that it has on other women.

The four of us hung out at the bar and I noticed that a ring-less Scott and Lexi seemed to be hitting it off. I was having fun so I didn’t care. Until I glanced over and saw Scott standing behind Lexi with his arms wrapped around her waist. Wait, what? And suddenly it dawned on me: maybe Scott isn’t obsessed with me or in love with me. Maybe I was just the closest hot girl he could have an affair with. And since obviously I wasn’t biting, he’d moved on to Lexi. Ew.

“Well I’m gonna go,” I announced.

And to my surprise, Lexi and Scott just waved me off. I called my Uber and went home. I don’t even know what I was feeling. Jealousy? Why was I so grossed out?

When I got home Brady was home and we hooked up. And then after we finished Brady announced that he was going to shower and sleep downstairs. What the fuck? Even though we’d been on a break, we were continuing to sleep in the same bed and even cuddling some nights. So I definitely felt rejected or like he regretted hooking up with me.

After Brady left I saw that Scott had texted me a couple times.

“Hey, where did you go?” and “I need to see you.”

Needless to say I didn’t respond to that.

On Sunday night, Brady and I went to a bar together to watch the game. I don’t know if I just needed to tell someone or what, but I blabbed to him what happened with Scott and Lexi.

“Wait, you met up with your boss at the bar?” he clarified.

“I mean, yeah…” I said, suddenly regretting my story.

Brady gave me a weird look. “Oh.”

“But he’s moved on to Lexi. He’s not interested in me anymore, thank God.”

Brady took a sip of his beer and didn’t say anything. He’s the one who wanted a break so how can he be upset about me hanging out with other people? Especially because I caught him texting Jessica. Jessica. And asking her where she was watching Game 6.

So I have another confession. I stopped taking birth control. And I haven’t told Brady. As far as I know we are still on this stupid break, but we’ve had sex several times. And this sounds bad, but I feel like if I get pregnant then he will have to be with me and not Jessica or whoever else. I say that because he went out the following Tuesday to watch the game, didn’t invite me and came home at almost 3:00 am. And then he immediately got in the shower before even coming to say anything to me. And that led me to believe he must have hooked up with someone. Right? Probably Jessica? Just the thought makes me want to jump off a bridge.

I don’t know. Relationships are stupid and hard. I want nothing more than to be with Brady for eternity. I know y’all don’t believe that and at this point he probably doesn’t either, and I don’t know how to express that to him. Especially since my actions haven’t exactly showed it. I’m so bad at this! And this is why I’ll never get married or be happy. I know everything I’m doing now is super stupid, but I seriously don’t know what to do. The thought of not being with Brady physically hurts.

**If you voted for Trump, please don’t read my blog anymore.

***Update: for those who were asking about the baseball player I dated for a little bit. He may have played for the other Chicago team šŸ™‚ and he is actually no longer on that team either. So no, he’s not a World Series champion now! 

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61 thoughts on “i have a confession.

  1. Lesley says:

    If I remember correctly, you admitted not voting in the last presidential election so who are you to criticize the choice of people who exercised their right to vote?

  2. SamanthaV says:

    I voted for Trump but that’s not why I’m never reading your blog again. It’s because you’re what’s wrong with this country. People with no morals, tricking others into life changing decisions without their knowledge (how fucked up is that?), laughing about your lack of political knowledge yet making bold statements to others about their own decisions. Good luck Reese with fucking up you own life and everyone who comes around you. I pity you.

  3. SamanthaV says:

    I voted for Trump but that’s not why I’m never reading your blog again. It’s because you’re what’s wrong with this country. People with no morals, tricking others into life changing decisions without their knowledge (how fucked up is that?), laughing about your lack of political knowledge yet making bold statements to others about their own decisions. Good luck Reese with fucking up you own life and everyone who comes around you. I pity them.

  4. lbermont says:

    Reesey baby, don’t bring a baby into the world until Trump and Pence are gone. Take your birth control or look into getting an IUD.

    Being nonmonogamous is fine, but you have to own it. Even nonmonogamous people deal with jealousy…that’s why sometimes couples make rules. You and Brady aren’t being honest with each other and two wrongs don’t make a right….y’all have to communicate. Now, more than ever, especially if you’re thinking of/toying with the idea of opening the relationship. That shit doesn’t work out unless you constantly talk things out, and I don’t know if Brady is cut out for that kind of communication line to be open 24/7.

    I know how it feels to want attention that much, but I think you hit on something really important when you saw Scott with Lexi and realized that he wasn’t actually obsessed with you.

    • you’re right. I’m just so frustrated and stupid right now. I don’t want to open the relationship or be nonmonogamous. that’s what he wants and he won’t talk to me about it now. I want to strangle him

  5. There are probably tons of reasons why Brady doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Could it be that you act like everyone wants you and you lead them on? Could it be that you act psycho most of the time to Brady and his friends? Could it be bc you act like a spoiled child most of the time? Maybe it’s because you act like a hypocrite in so many ways? You flip when Brady talks to another girl but it’s ok for you to constantly text with other men? Not just meeting, but hanging out with them too. Maybe bc you call Brady’s parents names and degrade them because of their political views and their opinions? But it’s ok for you to act just like them regarding YOUR political views?

    Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and most of the time they stink.

    And no. I did not give my opinion about your relationship. I asked questions strictly from observation regarding the information you have given.
    Yes, this is your blog and you can write whatever you want. But don’t take it out on US, your readers, because our are miserable right now due to your situation and the President you wanted didn’t win.

  6. I too voted for Trump and am excited about the outcome and what it means for the next four years for this country. Mine was a vote against government corruption, specifically the Clintons’ corruption. But… I’m not going to stop reading your blog because I am too invested in seeing where you go with your life. And hoping you succeed, even if you did vote for Hillary. šŸ™‚

    Reese, I hate to say it but it really sounds like you and Brady are over. He’s checked out and you are his live-in booty call. Do you have someplace you can stay for a few weeks? A friend’s house? You two really do need a break. It’s so cliche, but if it’s meant to be, it will be. Let him know (again) how you feel and give him some time alone to process his thoughts. And take that time to process your own thoughts too.

    Good luck! I think most of us (sans the haters) know how happy Brady makes you.

    And stop trying to get pregnant! That won’t make him want to be with you. That may very well drive him further away.

  7. DAWN says:

    Im not going to stop reading ur blog because of the trump comment I just can not take this level of stupidity any more. It is like watching a car crash happen and not being able to stop it. Your parents should have taught you better. People like you are part of the reason America is so jacked up and ended up getting someone like President Trump elected.

  8. I once had a friend who was an “attention whore”. Years ago, she hooked me up with a guy friend of hers, whom she said she wasn’t interested in, but he’d asked her out several times. She said that she wasn’t attracted to him at all, and introduced him to me so that he’d “leave her alone.” Well, he and I ended up hitting it off, and when she saw that he was no longer interested in her or giving her that attention that he used to, she suddenly got jealous. She would do things like flirt, make sexual innuendos, and invite him over to her place or to go out to the movies, just the two of them, knowing that it would bother me. She’d use alcohol as an excuse for acting that way with him in front of me. He and I were dating, but not together, so it wasn’t like I didn’t feel like I was in a position to tell her to back off. She later admitted to me that she loved the attention men gave her and would do pretty much anything to get it, and that even if it was someone she had no interest in, she still wanted them to want her, and would do things to get them to want her. Then she would feel powerful when she blew them off, knowing that they were still lusting after her and wondering “what if”, and obsessed with the idea of just being with her. Some of the scenarios in your blog remind me of her and things and she would do sometimes. She told me before that she didn’t know why she did the things she did and didn’t like being that way, but couldn’t help herself.

    You and Brady have been having these trust issues for a long time, on both ends. If you truly want to be monogamous, you need to establish firm rules in your relationship, and that should include communication with members of the opposite sex. You accepting phone numbers from random men you meet, hanging out with male co-workers at the bar whom you know are attracted to you, keeping in touch with ex-boyfriends or lovers who still want to hook up — these are all things that should be off limits in a monogamous relationship. These are things that will set you up for failure in your relationship. These are temptations that will do nothing but cause trouble and drama for you and Brady. If you feel like you’re not able to stop doing these things, then maybe you’re just not cut out to be in a committed relationship. You should think long and hard about that. You should also think back to when you and Brady broke up the last time. Go back and read your old blog entries about it. Remind yourself of what you went though and how it felt to be single again, and to not have him in your life. Then make your decision. I wish you all the luck, Reese!

      • Berta says:

        This the best advise that has ever been on here! I use to be like that not to the extreme you are with needing the attention but I found these last 2 years where I have been single and not really dating that I have found myself and what really makes me happy. I know now I don’t NEED someone in my life but that I want someone in my life. Its a mind set – the NEEDING someone makes you desperate for attention the wanting someone makes you actually put in an effort to be only with them and not care about the others guys trying to get your attention. I guess my suggestion really comes down to take time to get to know you and what you want. I might end up that Brady isn’t it and that will be sad and hard but it might also help you see that you don’t even want other guys to look at you or talk to you because you are committed to Brady.
        I hope it works out for you two because I really think our good for each other!!

  9. Christina says:

    I’ve been reading your blog since damn near the beginning and usually I can hope that other people’s overwhelming comments can help you if this type of crazy drama is truly happening in your life. I was once in a 3 year, emotionally draining and incredibly codependent relationship. Every day felt like a constant struggle and I never had any relief, it was a full time job to keep the relationship going. Communication was not an issue, but my ex would dictate what was and was not okay for me to do, to talk to, to wear, etc… and yet he was supposed to be free to do as he pleased. Eventually I 100% checked out of the relationship, a month later tried breaking it off which he did not agree to and the next morning I woke up with him trying to have sex with me with no condom (thankfully I was on the pill and had a plan b pill as well) while I was still asleep. I left the house and never looked back.
    4 months later I met a new guy; a nice guy, who I shared hobbies and ideologies with, who I shared the same faith as and the same desires as. 6 months after that, I married him. That was over 2 years ago. We got married, thoroughly discussed what we wanted from marriage and from a family. Now our son is almost one year old. We’re happy, we’re open and honest with each other, and operate under the never going to bed angry or upset policy.
    Bottom line: true love is NOT a fight, it is NOT a struggle, it is NOT dancing around the problems you face and the disagreements you don’t want to have. True love is easy.

    I do hope you find happiness. But I also hope you evaluate your life apart from Brady because, you seem to have lost something after staying with him for so long. For awhile now it has seemed as though you both have been wanting attention outside of your relationship, maybe you should explore that aspect as a SINGLE woman again. Find someone who is obsessed with your mind, your determination, and your abilities, who worships your body but will also sit and have a meaningful (unforced) conversation with you. Best of luck to you!!

    • ahh. I know it shouldn’t be a fight, but I know that I have a lot of emotional issues (as does Brady). thank you and I’m glad things worked out for you

      • Christina says:

        True. Life is not always easy, but I would argue that love is. Love actually gives the strength to prevail through the ups and downs. It just seems, according to a majority of blog entries, that her relationship is almost always more difficult than it is easy and it’s due to two emotionally closed off people trying to be in a committed and long term relationship. I mean it’s been years, two people truly in love and wanting a future would’ve put in the work to get through their issues by this point rather than continuing to just hook up and hope for the best. And the constant silent treatments? That’s not love.

    • waffles says:

      I don’t agree that true love is easy. Life is hard work. You’re going to have ups and downs no matter the relationship you’re in. Life isn’t easy.

  10. Kelly says:

    Where to start…first tricking any man into being with you by getting pregnant is wrong on so many levels. You say you want to be with Brady, you love him but your actions show otherwise. You try to control every aspect of his life but have zero respect for him. You do not set boundaries with other men and have no qualms about texting and hanging out with men that you know are interested in you. Since you’ve been with Brady you keep saying you love him and want to marry him but how can that be true when you treat him like crap, use his credit card to fund you lifestyle because he let you, disrespects his family and friends and act as though he should be grateful to be with you. What man wants to be married or be with a woman that doesn’t respect him?

    Why don’t you move out of Brady’s place, move back to your apartment and do you for a while. If you want to be with another man every night you’re unattached and free to do so. If you want to flirt with your boss and then get pissed when he texts you inappropriate shit, you can. You play this cat and mouse game with these men and it’s going to catch up to you. I think you need to start going to see your therapist again and figure out your issues. Brady doesn’t deserve all this drama. Maybe he’s happier with Jessica or whomever because he doesn’t have to deal with the craziness and drama and the hounding for a ring all the time.

    It’s offensive that you would tell Trump supporters not to read your blog anymore and act holier than thou when you probably don’t have one clue what either HIlary or Donald stood for. Just because you voted one year doesn’t give you the authority to judge others.

    • um when is the last time I even used Brady’s credit card? I don’t do that anymore. Im not disrespect to his family and friends but I do stand up for myself and I won’t apologize for that. I don’t think you’re in any position to say what Brady does or doesn’t deserve. you have no idea. lastly, of course I know what both trump and Clinton stood for. and furthermore I’ve not ONCE said I voted Clinton or promoted anything about her.

      • Kelly says:

        Didn’t you kick one of his friends out of the house and then threaten to call the cops on Brady? How about getting all high and mighty with Hunter when it’s none of your business? Standing up for yourself does not mean talking down to people or stomping your feet to get your way. With Brady’s credit card didn’t you post something on twitter about not caring about using it because he just gives it to you.

        No man or person deserves someone to disrespect or control them. How many times have you snooped through Brady’s phone or stopped him from talking to any woman while you’re hanging out and flirting and texting you boss or the cop or the dude on the plane. Brady is probably over the broken promises of “I made a mistake and won’t text other men any more”. One time it’s a mistake, multiple times it’s a habit.

      • I’m not going to argue with you. I don’t think you’re wrong and I am starting to think Brady and I aren’t good for each other.

  11. Delilah says:

    I think you need to pack and move out. Maybe you two need some time apart to figure out what it is you want. For him to instantly hang out with Jessica is messed up. He is trying to hurt you. That isn’t a healthy way to deal with relationship issues. Are you two still talking with your couples councillor?

  12. Sara says:

    Oh, wow, Reese! This was a Hell of a confession. You at least realize where your psyche is and that self awareness is a good thing. Still, given the levels Jealousy both you and Brady have manifested in the past, an open relationship does not seem like a viable option, but that is essentially what you have if neither of you can stop seeking validation from the opposite sex outside of your relationship. The way I see it, you will never be able to have a working romantic relationship if you continue to get off on the outside attention. Period. The real point, though, is you won’t get validation from a romantic partner either. Support yes, validation, no.You need to find that kind of self love/self esteem inside yourself. Basing self worth purely on the attention of other people is like heroin. You get addicted, never can have enough and it takes more and more of it to sustain the high. It’s a vicious cycle. I mean, think of that attention as well. In the past you have said you get it and then realize you don’t even really like the person you get it from and often even feel worse about yourself after giving in to it. (Brandon, Kyle and Andrew come to mind.) I don’t know how best to break this kind of cycle. Like any addiction, the method that works varies from person to person.

    As to Brady, I know you love him,but you NEED to have a talk with him about whether this is a “break” or a break up. Personally, I think breaks are BS. You are either together or you’re not. Being on break, gives people “license” to stray and play. Um, no. I mean, WHY is he still talking to Jessica?? Really? He gets ticked at you about Scott, so are his actions reactionary or was he in contact with her already. If he is still talking to her rather than reacting to the Scott thing, it speaks to a lack of respect and commitment to you. I will also add, though, so does your pursuing other men’s attention. It’s make or break time in your relationship. Time to really talk, really be honest and really decide if being together is realistic. Neither of you are great communicators and both of you seem to thrive on finding outside attention which has created a really toxic situation that cannot be sustained. Breakups suck, but bad relationships are worse. The jealousy, the paranoia and the fear have to be exhausting. Furthermore, these negative emotions will likely push both of you to pursue outside attention to make yourselves feel better. What a catch-22.

    As to a baby: NO NO NO!! Please don’t get pregnant. That will only make things worse. Unless you have a stable relationship, please don’t put a child through having two parents who can’t make things work. Think about Hunter and Dom. What a cluster-f***. Whatever they do, their children are to be pitied.

    Reese, you know I tend to write novels of advice when I comment, but I have always tried to do so with the idea that I give the best advice I can just as I would to a friend IRL. I have always tried to be positive in my comments and will continue to read and be supportive. It’s time, though, Reese. Talk to Brady seriously.

    This was a brave post on your part, hang in there! And no, I did not vote for Trump and with that in mind I am going to go take a bottle of wine to bed and try and blot yesterday out. šŸ˜€

  13. R says:

    Oh Reese. Reading all of this made me so very sad for you. It seems like you are really taking a step back and looking at your relationship from the outside, and your actions from that place.

    First of all, you do crave attention. It is like a disease. An addiction. Delete your Instagram/Snapchat, and go cold turkey. I’ve been that person, years ago (attention addicted). And looking back, it’s such a sad, self-loathing time. I would guess that attention is what gives you self-worth. You are so much more than your face and body. You should definitely have friends outside of Brady, but if those friends don’t support your relationship, encourage your relationship, or in some other way build it up, then it will tear it down. When you keep choosing to purposely put yourself in friend(relation)ships with other males and you are naturally a friendly (see: flirty) person, they will get the wrong message. If they at all find you attractive, and you were not friends with them BEFORE Brady, it’s probably not a good idea to be friends with them now. Unless you were to have no problem telling Brady about it. You shouldn’t be collecting numbers from guys who you randomly meet. When I’m in a relationship, I have very strict boundaries for myself, because I know how I can get. Feeling wanted feels AWESOME. But, if I strike up random conversations with people, I don’t take phone numbers, I make sure to drop my relationship in there pretty quickly, and there’s no touching. That’s just an example of what I do out of respect for my SO.

    Secondly, go back on your dang birth control. Not only would you not want to bring a baby into that relationship right now, but your whole life (style) will change. I don’t know that you’re ready for that. There’s nothing wrong with that. But trust me when I say, you won’t be able to act like you do now. And the baby will only drive you guys further apart. Plus, you are being really manipulative. Pretend you were talking to one of your friends and she said “I’m went off my BC because I want to trap him in our relationship,” you’d look at her and go “bitch, please.” you KNOW that that is one of worst things you could be doing right now. You’re desperate, I get it. (I don’t mean that in a bad way. I mean, you’re desperate to fix your relationship and not lose Brady.) But don’t do that.

    You want to fix it, have a very blunt and real conversation with Brady. Lay it all out. But, don’t just say “I promise it won’t happen again.” You need to say, I really screwed up, and this is what I’m going to do to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Then make a plan, tell him what your plan is, and stick to it.

    One of the reasons people fail when they’re trying to quit addictions is because they don’t have a plan. So let’s say someone wanted to quit meth. They’re like, I”M not going to do that anymore. And that’s there plan. Odds are they’ll use meth again. Instead they need to say, I’m not going to use meth anymore, and instead when I have a craving I’m calling my friend _____ and she will stay on the phone with me until I get to her house, and if I run into my drug dealer I will scream no and run away. People fail when they don’t have specific things they are going to do to make sure they don’t do whatever they’re trying to get away from again.

    I know this was long. My apologies.

    P.S. I voted for Trump. I’m not going to stop reading your blog, b/c that’s ridiculous. However, be cognizant that when someone wants to talk about people being closed-minded and how people should be more tolerant, that it’s a good thing to also practice that same tolerance of people who have different beliefs that you don’t agree with. Not everyone will have the exact same beliefs/values/thoughts, and that really is okay. It sure would be a boring world if we did. ā¤

  14. Sarah says:

    All other things aside, what the fuck are you thinking trying to get pregnant behind his back? That has got to be one of the most manipulative things I’ve ever heard.
    1. A baby does NOT make things better. It just puts a child into your dysfunctional relationship.
    2. You sound incredibly immature and honestly does not sound like you’re in any way ready to be a parent. If you can’t have a regular relationship with brady, what makes you think you can co-parent with him?
    I’m sorry, but if my brother or friend was dating a girl that did half the things you’ve done, I would be telling him to RUN. It sounds like you need to be by yourself and find out why you do what you do. This is very different than texting some guy behind his back. This is forcing a life change on him.

  15. Amber says:

    Aw Reese – this post makes me so sad for you! I am truly sorry that you are going through this. I think you have gotten some good advice – take some time to really think about things. You have what it takes to make better choices and to figure out what is next for you and Brady. Please don’t think that having a baby is the answer – I have 2 little boys ages 2 and 4 – having kids makes things harder not easier. And it gives you less time to focus on yourself and your relationship – please really think about whether you are ready to be a parent.

    I have been a huge fan of yours since the beginning – I even read your archives when you don’t post for a while. I voted for Trump and will keep reading your blog! A lot can be said about this election – it can be an opportunity to learn and grow and consider another point of view. Challenge yourself to consider the other side of the fence. Just because someone doesn’t share your opinion doesn’t mean that theirs isn’t valid.

  16. Jenny says:

    How selfish can a person be? Bringing a baby into this world because you don’t want to lose your dysfunctional relationship. Reese I thought you were smarter than that. What if you are pregnant from your carelessness, what then? Will you then bring a child into the drama that’s your life? You are not ready to be a mother to anyone. You need to work on becoming a better, moral person. When you love someone you don’t envision and encourage attention from other men. Instead you yearn to be with man you love. You dont lead other men on.

    You’re so hung up on Jessica who Brady hooked up with before you and then when you were on break last time. You tried make her life hell threatening her with exposing her nude pics yet what your behavior with other men during the relationship with Brady is sickening. Grow up. You need to be by yourself and learn to love you. you keep saying how hot and wanted you are by men but what happens when your looks fade. What will be your legacy?

    As someone said before me, if you were the girlfriend of any guy I was friends with I would encourage him to leave the relationship and find someone better who would love and respect him.

  17. Jennifer says:

    Hey Reese – I’ve been reading your blog since the beginning. This makes me so sad. I feel like you take 1 step forward and then 3 steps back I am not judging you, thou. Judgement free zone over here; we’ve all made mistakes in life. I’m just making an observation. I love you and I hope you figure out what makes you happy. I think it may be wise to move out. Take care.

  18. kelly says:

    I can’t imagine it is hard to write about your life, mistakes and all, and have people judge you. I know the comments might seem harsh, but honestly, I think most are coming from a good place.
    Most of us would love to see you succeed and be happy. I don’t know if that is with Brady or not, but I do believe if you both truly, honestly love each other you’ll figure out a way. If not, I am sure you can both find happiness elsewhere. Be honest with each other. Treat him how you’d like to be treated and vice versa. Five minutes of validation is not worth throwing away a lifetime of happiness.

    • I agree. I think when Brady is mad he can be very mean and so can I (out of retaliation honestly…even if I probably deserve it). and then we don’t talk about it. it’s a vicious cycle.

  19. Ali.B says:

    Wow, it takes a lot of guts to confess all this about Christian and going off birth control.

    I think it’s a major thing too, to question whether ur cut out for a monogamous relationship and acknowledge that you want to be better, but can’t get ur actions to line up with that.

    I respect the self-awareness; you have some conversations to have and decisions to make, and a therapist or just plain ole moving out for now are great places to start.
    Also, Clinton supporter here. Don’t understand the support for Trump, but I’m hopeful he’s teachable and will become the leader we need & work to unite us.

    P.S. Get back on that birth control Today/ASAP.

  20. Jessi says:

    Girl, I’ve read your blog since day 1 and absolutely adore and admire you for being so real and candid. It is refreshing and hows you are just trying to figure life out like the rest of us. I have a good decade on you, so I feel like a mother hen, hahaha.

    You have demonstrated some crazy self destructive behavior, which comes ftom insecurity and self loathing. The way you present yourself t work shows you are incredibly adept at your job and take pride in yoyr work. I wish you carried yourself like that in your normal life as well.

    Your actions and need for validation re telling you something. It’s time to dig deep and face what is perpetuating all of this. You know deep down that a baby won’t change anything. The way you take care of Tucker shows you will be an amazing mom given the right circumstances.

    Did deep and do you for a while. I’m proud of you and know you will get through this.

  21. The right relationship isn’t hard like your relationship is with Brady. I’ve felt for so long that you are toxic together and need to just move on from each other. I hope you find peace šŸ’œ

  22. Neat, I didn’t realize Trump supporters could read. Although you can’t really tell people to read/not read your blog but the comment made me laugh regardless.

    Maybe consider seeing a therapist for a bit? I can’t remember whether you have in the past or not. I’ve done it before and it helped so much to have an unbiased opinion on my situation. I think it’s a good sign that you are able to at least reflect on your actions and view some of the them negatively, it shows that you are aware there are some major issues.

    I can relate to you on the monogamous relationship stuff, although I have also felt like I’m just not a relationship person at all sometimes… I understand how you feel about what would happen if you weren’t with Brady, but honestly girl, you would be ok. It would be hard for a while, but I promise you that you’d be ok. Don’t let fear of being alone, or being without Brady, or of Brady being with someone else stop you, those aren’t good enough reasons to stay together. Sometimes relationships just don’t work and that’s ok. I honestly don’t really know what else to tell you, just make sure you take care of yourself.

    Hang in there Reese.

    • Allie says:

      I hear this.

      While it’s nice to find someone you love early in life, what many people don’t realize is that it can be difficult to meet tons of different people who you’re attracted to and not be able to explore it because you settled down so early. Lots of guys don’t settle down in their twenties for this exact reason, but I think that a lot of women struggle with saying that they want to sow their wild oats. At the end of the day, though, either you value your partner or your freedom more. You’ve got to figure that out.

      I am sad for you and Brady. This relationship was once something so positive for both of you and it is turning so ugly. I would advise you to change things or end it before it gets so bad that you can no longer respect one another or yourselves.

  23. Don’t beat your self up…relationships are hard and in this day in age (fact web women available for catfish) even harder. One take your birth control… 2 if he is the one you will only find out if you are truly open with him. I made this mistake long ago..to a man I knew wasn’t right for me. He was great on paper..and he treated me ok… you deserve someone who can totally love you and hold your hair after a night of debotchory (read phonically I’ve got dyslexia). I never let him really see my feelings and it lead to him accepting things he shouldn’t have accepted and it lead to me accepting things I shouldn’t have from him..You deserve more…now take those pills you will thank me later on when you are with mister wonderful and he doesn’t have to accept your plus one…only said in love…bc I came with a plus one…

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