an update. 

Hi y’all.

I’m sorry for not being around. I really want to write and share everything going on in my life, but it’s been hard. It’s hard to find the time and also blogging and this blog reminds me so much of Brady. And I’ve impressed myself with how little I’ve been thinking about him.

Probably because I have a distraction. I told y’all that I’ve been seeing someone who I shouldn’t. He’s married. I met him at a birthday party for one of Kendra’s husband John’s friends. She was feeling sorry for me and trying to push me back into the social world and I reluctantly accepted. It was being held at a new restaurant here in Chicago and I knew that I would never get the opportunity to go otherwise because I had no men in my life. Woe is me.

Let’s call him Zach. The first thing I noticed about him was the thick, trendy titanium wedding band on his finger. And then I noticed his suit. It was navy and fit impeccably (I thought men didn’t wear navy suits anymore). He’s a businessman, works in finance at a huge office not far from mine. That’s how we began talking. Where were the good places for lunch takeout, for happy hour after work, the best way to get to O’Hare for a Friday redeye after a long week. I was thinking, “Okay, he’s a nice guy, but too bad he’s married.”

And I’ll admit it, he was really, really hot. Not in a Ryan Reynolds kind of way. He was a bit older, scruffier, with big rough hands and a buzz cut. Like a man you marry kind of hot. And someone did.

I wasn’t surprised at all when he suggested we exchange business cards, but I did assume it was innocent. The man was married and obviously off limits, and that was fine with me.

He emailed later that saying it was nice to meet me. I sent a polite response with a winking emoji and then we just kept emailed each other. And I’m honestly not even sure how it all happened, but we started spending a lot of time together. At first it was just drinks after work. His coworkers would be there and we’d hang out until midnight and we were shitfaced. The second time we ever hung out, he explained that he and his wife were married just for convenience. They’d been married for just a couple years, but the love was gone. They still got along very well and could cohabitate, but separating or divorcing was just not necessary at the time. He said they even stayed in separate bedrooms.

“She’s a nice woman and any man would be lucky to end up with her. But it’s just not me. I’m not attracted her anymore,” he explained.

I should’ve known better than to believe that. Who stays in a marriage just because they are too lazy to separate? That’s not a life anyone would be willing to live. But I was heartbroken and vulnerable and loved having attention from a man, even if he was a taken one.

The first time we hung out alone, it was on a Friday night after work. We had both stayed pretty late at the our respective offices and had worked through lunch and blah blah blah. He invited me to grab a quick bite to eat and I accepted. A little too eagerly.

Something at that dinner changed our dynamic. It was like we were inseparable. And since he’d explained his marriage situation, I figured I wasn’t doing anything wrong. He came back to my place and we proceeded to have the best sex probably ever (the wine and vodka helped). I was hooked.

Zach got me diamonds for Christmas. And ditched his wife and their friends to hang out with me on New Year’s Eve. We made a pizza and sat on my couch drinking tequila and it was the best New Year’s Eve I’ve ever had. He took me to his family’s vacation house in Miami one weekend. He took me to his family’s snowy Michigan home another weekend. Zach usually told me that his wife was doing things with her girlfriends or family and that she wasn’t worried about what he was doing. The only thing I knew about her was that her name is Kelsey and she’s small and blonde (there was a picture hanging at the Michigan house and I took once glance at it and decided not to study it or care about it).

Kelsey would text Zach sometimes when we were out, but not a lot and I figured she was just giving him vital updates about the home they share. Once he was showing me something on his phone and a text notification from her dropped down. She had sent him a couple heart eye emojis and he didn’t try to hide it and neither of us acknowledged it and I assumed it didn’t mean anything.

I even had a pregnancy scare. I was upset about it and a huge bitch, but Zach was surprisingly really supportive about it. I turned out not to be pregnant, thank God, but Zach was really sweet and told me that maybe it wasn’t meant to be right now, but one day I’m going to be a great mother and he hoped he could share that with me. We made a lot of plans for the future. Like even for this spring and summer. He says there are so many places he wants to show me. He said he and Kelsey want to finally divorce this year and do their own things and I was just excited not to have to work around her schedule, you know?

Zach made me super happy and definitely distracted me from Brady (when I was with Zach, I forgot Brady even existed). I didn’t tell any of my friends about him except Preston because Preston of all people would understand the situation and not just judge me and tell me that I was being stupid and naive. I didn’t want to hear that, not when I was so happy. And of course, Preston just wanted the dirty details and to dissect everything (“Is Kelsey seeing other people too? Does his family know he’s taking his mistress on a tour of their vacation houses? Is his dick big?”)

Last week Preston sent me a picture from an Instagram. It was from Kelsey’s Instagram story and it was of Zach holding a little baby kitten. She’d typed, “Finally completed our family!”

My stomach dropped. It was then that I realized that Zach was still very much married and had no plans of separating this woman. They weren’t just married for convenience or simply roommates, they were a couple who had taken vows and just bought a pet together. I was devastated. I realized that whatever Zach and I had, he would always have more with Kelsey.

And now I see him much differently. I always thought it was a little lame to say they were still married because getting a divorce would be too much work, but now I think he’s a huge coward for stringing me along and lying.

Maybe because it was such a whirlwind romance or because I was so vulnerable, but this feels much worse than my breakup with Brady. Like I just don’t understand how I can be the same after this. Zach always said he will always love me no matter what happens and he hopes I feel the same. I don’t know if he spoke that into existence, but I care about him more than I should especially now.

So now I don’t know what to do. I haven’t seen him since last week and I’ve been avoiding him even though he hasn’t asked to see me or anything. I know he can tell something is off, but won’t acknowledge it…because he’s a coward.

I miss y’all so much. And don’t kill me, but I miss Brady too. Everything he did seems so minor compared to this. I don’t think he deliberately strung me along or tried to hurt me, but I know that I need to be done with them both.


17 thoughts on “an update. 

  1. Shelby says:

    Heartbreak makes good people lose sight of who they are and how they deserve to be treated. You can make it through this! You are better than it. Wash your hands and don’t make the same mistakes again. I will always be rooting for you. ❤

  2. No need to apologise, Reese! A lot of people care about you enough to ask for a life update to see how you’re doing and that really says something about the way you’ve made a wonderful impression on everyone. Jumping off what Shelby said, a lot of people hope that only good things come your way.

    Stay strong!

    Soul ❤

  3. Delilah says:

    Glad to see you’re back. Dealing with a major break up is never fun…been there done that. It is easy to fall into something like you did with Zach…it’s fun and a distraction. Now that you know he is a cowardly dbag you should probably delete him from your life. There are some really great unmarried men out there 🙂

  4. kelseyxsays says:

    Jesus. That’s quite an update!!! The whole Zach thing sounds like something straight out of a soap opera. 😬 I can’t believe people actually do shit like he did… what a dickhead. Shady AF.

  5. wow. Zach is a huge coward.

    but thank you for sharing and letting us know what’s going on! everything you’re going through has got to be hard, but i hope blogging may become therapeutic for you eventually (even if right now it makes you sad and reminds you of brady)

    totally get it about wanting a distraction… i hope you meet some other guys to go on dates with casually and spend a lot of times with your friends like preston who know you just need to have fun right now and your mind off of things! i can’t really give advice on why the zach stuff has made you feel worse than the stuff with brady, but being in another intense relationship probably won’t let you fully heal. just try to take it easy and distract yourself with work, family, friends, and just enjoying the single life!

  6. Anna says:

    Oh dear God. Please, please find yourself a therapist before you try to begin another relationship, for your own good! You are ignoring red flags left and right and its important that you understand why. Good to hear that you’re still around, though.

  7. Aww, I feel for you girl. It’s so easy to fall into weird relationship-things after a breakup so don’t beat yourself up about the whole Zach thing. He’s the one being shady, and you unfortunately just got caught up in the romance of it all. It is nice to hear you say that you’re aware you should be done with both Brady and Zach. You really do deserve much better, not to say that they are bad people but neither of them are right for you. You might be feeling worse because you still aren’t over all the pain from your breakup with Brady, it just got set aside while you were with Zach and now you have to deal with the pain from both. Take some time to heal and be around people who make you feel good. Spoil yourself, eat delicious food, go on trips and leave these dumb boys behind.

  8. Sara says:

    Man, you poor thing! Don’t beat yourself up too much about this. You were VERY vulnerable and Zach preyed on that. I also feel very sorry for poor Kelsey. The cavalier way Zach cheated on her says he will do it again. What a toxic creep!

    It’s understandable the you miss Brady. You were together a long time.

    I know I have harped on this subject a lot when I comment, but I really feel like you need to find a way to love yourself more. If you do, you will be better able to fend off the Zachs of the world. I also think you are so hurt not so much because you loved him, but because he played you and openly lied to you and you feel betrayed. I do think you need to take a romance break. You will meet someone who will be available literally (unlike Zach) and emotionally (unlike Brady), but You need someone who loves and RESPECTS you. Zach wanted you. How he treated you, however, was not loving, so don’t buy into his bs when he says he loves you. Brady may haves loved you, but he didn’t treat you with much respect. You deserve both love and respect and right now you need to give love and respect to yourself.

    Last piece of advice: block and/or delete Zach completely. Hang in there!

  9. Luita says:

    You had an affair with a married man. You were the other woman, the mistress. That’s awful.
    You need help girl! Please talk to someone about your issues. You don’t need a man by your side to know your worth. Please figure that out before you get into another relationship.
    PS: zach didn’t lie to you, he told you he was married and you still made the choice to go out with him. Married is married I don’t care if he says he’s unhappy or he doesn’t get sex from his wife, he’s still married. No excuse is good for cheating.

  10. vrichmond77 says:

    Be careful with Zach Reese. Make sure you’re using protection and all that because if he’s cheating with you, he’s probably cheating or has cheated with others. Don’t talk to him anymore but don’t beat yourself up over it either. You are vulnerable and had no reason to believe him when he said he said his marriage was over and they were sleeping in separate rooms.

    It’s easy to say take some time to work on yourself but I know after a breakup I’ve always wanted to just feel pretty and wanted again. Nothing wrong with having a rebound guy!

    On a side topic… didn’t John cheat on Kendra a couple of years ago? She thought it was a one time thing, but I would have serious doubts about that considering the people he surrounds himself with. Hopefully I’m wrong there.

    Glad to see you back Reese, even if it’s for just one post!

  11. N says:

    Glad to hear from you but Im sorry youre having to deal with all the emotional stuff. I truly hope things get better for you soon. Zach is awful for not only for cheating but being a coward. Stay clear of him the saying goes, if he cheated for you he’ll cheat on you. Even though it doesnt feel like it now you dodged a bullet. Sending nothing but good vibes your way no worries girl you got this!

  12. Mandy says:

    Yikes. What a shit start to the year 😦 Missed you and glad for the update, even if it wasn’t good news. We have all done stuff we regret, even those who pretend they are perfect. At least you know the truth now, rather than months down the line, or even better – had you been pregnant. Wish nothing but the best and hopefully soon we can hear about how you are kicking ass…or at least how you are feeling better

  13. Laurel says:

    I just re-read this blog post and first, I love the way you write! It’s detailed enough without being too wordy. I can’t imagine trying to sum up a month long whirlwind romance you have in a way that it seems like a story. Thank you so much for this update and for continuing this blog-it is such an enjoyable read because of the way you write it.

    Second, I think you and Brady were slowly breaking apart for a while before the actual break up, but this new thing with Zach kind of abruptly ended while you were in the honeymoon phase. Of course it feels more intense!! I’m so sorry you’re going through at all but especially now. How is work??

    Wishing you all the best

  14. Tia says:

    Dang girl it has been a while. I’m glad that you are back with an update. Girl; your blog is awesome. I feel as though that your speaking to me. And that’s the best part. I’m going to be honest; girl take time for you get a massage; destress. I know this hurts but; your are going to be stronger than ever. You are woman hear you roar. I have a feeling that you are a Leo like me; because you take your pride and you run with that shit and you love the attention like me. Reese that is a good thing don’t foreget that ever.

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